Found On Harmony Lane

SASH

Copyright © 2018 Nick Sash.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored, or transmitted by any means—whether auditory, graphic, mechanical, or electronic—without written permission of the author, except in the case of brief excerpts used in critical articles and reviews. Unauthorized reproduction of any part of this work is illegal and is punishable by law.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

Scriptures taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.

ISBN: 978-1-4834-8445-7 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4834-8767-0 (e)

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

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Lulu Publishing Services rev. date: 06/25/2018

Preface

The truly remarkable stories are not of lives that have gone astray, but of those who have gone astray and have been incredibly redeemed, and wholly healed. - Cynthia Wenz

This is a story of one man’s journey after turning his back on God, his eyes were opened to reality. This story highlights how he sought God out in his despair.

It expresses the gratitude that while in his pain and suffering he so rightfully deserved, he found freedom through grace, mercy and forgiveness on the way to reconciliation.

This book gives you a view from multiple angles on the journey he endured as he came to the realization of what it truly means to follow Christ.

This journey dives into how a divine healing made his weaknesses strong. He shares his struggles and victories beyond them.

His relevant illustrations bring to light areas we encounter as we walk throughout life. Spotlighting the decisions that brought him to his downfall with how he flipped the switch that illuminated the abilities designated for him. Through this he encountered change in his relationships within his family, friends, and inside his marriage.

His story will take you on a path through the music and how it relates to our walk with Christ and inside our relationships.

My hope is that this story is an encouragement to those who may be in the situation, or who have just gone through it.

I am confident that, in the effort to offer some advice in areas in which we need to guard our hearts and minds, you will be able to resist temptation and steer clear from the mistakes made by others.

This is not just a story…This is my story.

This is my song…

1

THE JOURNEY

Throughout life we experience periods in our life that can change the course of our lives. We often go through those times focused on how we survived those stages and may feel somewhat lucky to have survived with minor injuries or no injuries at all.

Every step we take usually has some direction based on how the last step landed. If we stumbled a bit, usually we try and find a firmer landing for the next one. When we do this, however, it causes distraction. Leading us to forget why we set out on the journey in the first place. And before you know it the distance you have traveled down a path you may have gone down unintentionally had vastly increased.

The distance off course may have left you with a feeling of failure or regret. Let me remind you that the distance you traveled the wrong way is not the distance you need to travel to start moving the right way. When you choose to move in the right direction, God is with you step one.

When we choose to let God move us, we can never veer off course. My journey is an example of just how true that is. Whatever your struggle is let these words guide you to the one who saved me. Let Him change you and redirect your paths. That you may leave a legacy that leads others to realize everyone needs a savior, and they are worth saving.

The Addiction

As a young man just out of school, I hooked up with a job that had me touring the country. This had many perks. It allowed for me to showcase my musical ability along with fulfilling my hunger for popularity.

I enjoyed meeting new people and made a lot of new friends. I especially enjoyed hanging out with the opposite sex. The life I was creating for myself allowed me to explore a lifestyle that allowed for a variety inside relationships I had with women. There was always the thrill of the moment I was living in knowing that my relationships with women were short lived and my actions wouldn’t catch up with me as long as I didn’t let it get personal.

After a few years of this lifestyle, I began to hunger for a deeper relationship with the women I was with. Some would say I was just getting bored of the game I was playing, but I felt that something was missing from my life and that the women I was using and the way I was using them to fill that void in my life was not satisfying my desire to fulfill my purpose. And even though I didn’t know what my purpose was at that moment I knew it wasn’t the life I was living. I wanted to change and expose myself to relationships with meaning and direction.

I was ready to slow down from the fast paced, short lived relationship lifestyle and settle into a relationship role I had desired for so long, … to be the man. I wanted companionship, a family, the chance to love and be loved. As time went on and my relationships kept hitting dead ends, my fear of being alone regularly ran through my mind. The more I dwelt on those thoughts, the more they overwhelmed me. I became discouraged and I began to doubt myself in the changes I made.

Since there was no Facebook., no smartphones, no online dating phone apps, I used a phone date line to venture in the dating scene. (I believe flip phones came a year after I finished college, so smart phones were still only a thing in dreams.) I met several girls over the months that followed, but nothing inside those relationships really stood out as something I could build on.

As time went by, I began to feel that marriage wasn’t in the cards for me. I was getting closer and closer every moment, to giving up hope that I’d find anyone who would flow well with the movement of my life. So, as you might expect, when that day came, I was speechless. The girl I had dreamed about, was speaking to me only a few feet away.

The sight was better than expected as she was more beautiful than I had imagined. I could feel those butterflies begin to flutter inside me. I felt the connection grow between us, as we sat on the couch and shared our stories with each other. I didn’t want that night to end.

I’m sure you have had those moments where all seemed right in the world and nothing could get in the way of your happiness. It mimics the feelings you have when you finally arrive at your destination. I felt as if I were walking on air and could take on whatever came my way.

We had chatted on that phone line a while. We had great conversations, but as I got to enjoy those moments in person and see the beauty beyond the voice, she had me. I was in love. I really enjoyed the person I was spending time with and couldn’t wait to see if there was more there to build a relationship on.

Then one night after she arrived at my house, I was blown away by our connection. Everything we did together just felt right. Not to mention her eyes made me melt inside. So, I did what any guy does to impress a girl, …I took her bowling… I mean I took her out to a lake shore nearby, sat her on an overturned row boat, knelt down and told her I wanted to love her forever and asked her to be my wife that night.

Although, we enjoyed the lack of skill we both displayed when it came to knocking over pins from sixty feet away, and it was such a good time, we made that our date night destination for the next few weeks. It became clearer to me, every time we were together, that as I grew to love those dates, I grew to love her.

I enjoyed the time when I could be less than six inches away from her. I became addicted to our physical relationship and found myself pushing the boundaries inside it. Pressing on for that skin to skin connection as often as I could, and I hoped I could end every date night that way. This addiction consumed me. Maybe even overshadowed other areas of the relationship I should have been working on.

Sure, I loved her, I told her so on the swing set across from my house just a few days after we first met. But I loved the physical aspect of the relationship well beyond the person I fell in love with the day I first met her. My views were similar to hers, and I was relieved to find that she wanted me just as much as I did her. As I ventured on down the physical relationship road with her, sleeping together never really felt wrong to me, even though I wasn’t brought up that way.

As time went on, I shared in the role of wedding planning with her and then enjoyed spending the night together afterward. I continued in exploring her boundaries, learning what she enjoys and what disliked. I drifted further and further into a physical addiction and hoped married life would be even better.

Eleven months later I married my best friend. Wow! How many of us can say that? I had great expectations for the melody of our marriage, and I was so sure that I knew how it would be sung. I was in this forever. The wedding day came, and I sang her a song by Geoff Moore and the Distance1: The Vow. I looked her in the eyes and promised to be the man in the melody. I was vowing to be different than I had been prior to meeting her.

At the reception, her father joked with me and said, It’s not too late for an annulment, because after this, the only way out of this marriage is through my double-barrel shotgun. I told myself after hearing that, My marriage will bring about change in me, and my life’s melody will be one that is noteworthy —unlike the other relationships I had made music with before.

It wasn’t long into my marriage that I realized my addiction was getting worse. The playboy lifestyle I had before I met my wife began to surface once again. I felt the need to have variety in my life and began to explore that lifestyle in the relationships I had through work and would use every excuse to try and satisfy my hunger for a physical connection.

After a few health scares with my wife I began to withdraw from trying to be intimate with her. I didn’t want to bring up my needs in her time of pain, so I omitted them from our conversations—, eventually, along with my avoidance of dealing with my past, and our not sharing our needs with each other —. I started to habitually avoid intimate contact with her and let my selfish motives rule the melody in my life.

I let my addiction run my actions and I never gave any thought to the vow