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    Confessions of a Clueless Sky: (It Will Make Sense At the End)
    Confessions of a Clueless Sky: (It Will Make Sense At the End)
    Confessions of a Clueless Sky: (It Will Make Sense At the End)
    Ebook75 pages1 hour

    Confessions of a Clueless Sky: (It Will Make Sense At the End)

    By David Wright

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    About this ebook

    When mundane challenges of everyday living get a bit too gnarly, it's time to call on satire and comic exaggeration. It helps if the bewildered person has no clue. As it happens, often that person is a male of our species.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherLulu.com
    Release dateAug 30, 2015
    ISBN9781329521803
    Confessions of a Clueless Sky: (It Will Make Sense At the End)
    Author

    David Wright

    David Wright's interest in the TT goes back over fifty years to the era when the Italian machines of Gilera and MV Agusta dominated the races in the hands of riders like Geoff Duke, John Surtees and Carlo Ubbiali. A constant follower of Island racing ever since, he greatly admires the performances of today's TT-winning machines from Japan and the riders who have the courage and talent to race over the famous Mountain Course. David is the author of several books including Vincent - The Complete Story and 100 Years of the Isle of Man TT, both published by Crowood.

    Read more from David Wright

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      Book preview

      Confessions of a Clueless Sky - David Wright

      Confessions of a Clueless Sky: (It Will Make Sense At the End)

      Confessions of a Clueless Sky

      (It will make sense at the end)

      by David Wright

      Published: September 2015

      Publisher: Pikkadoozy Studios

      Copyright 2015 David Wright

      All rights reserved

      Any name of a real product or company referenced

      in this book is the property of its owner.

      Any similarity of fictitious names

      to actual names is unintentional.

      Lulu Edition, License Notes

      Thank you for downloading this ebook. This book remains the copyrighted property of the author and may not be redistributed to others for commercial or non-commercial purposes. If you enjoyed this book, please encourage your friends to download their own copy from their favorite authorized retailer. Thank you for your support.

      Folding Fitted Sheets

      This is dedicated to all men who have ever tried to fold a fitted sheet. Particular recognition goes to that one hearty soul in central Illinois who — legend has it — actually attempted it on three separate occasions. Out of sheer admiration, I write to him regularly; he still is not allowed visitors in the asylum.

      If you are a househusband — or even if you and your partner/spouse both work, and you periodically do your fair ten-percent share of the household chores — most likely, on at least one occasion, you will be tempted to overestimate your abilities in this regard. But once the buzzer goes off for the linens cycle, the world becomes a darker place.

      You open the dryer door and peer in. There it is. A big, pastel-colored puff looking harmless enough. If it goes onto a standard double bed or a twin and you recently have completed your anger-management course, you may have a shot. But if it’s a queen or king, and you have just gotten back from a family reunion, well… remember the Rubik’s Cube? Mere child’s play.

      So you pull it out and size up the situation. Like Icarus flying too close to the sun, you think Seems simple enough. Smells nice. Soft and fluffy. (That’s what Samson thought about Delilah, too.) It’s not too late to chicken out. Live to fight another day and all that. But you don’t.

      With a sense of confidence that can only be described as stupid (otherwise we may have tried a different word, right?), you grab it by the two corners on the short edge. You toss it into the air just like you always do with its unfitted but less evil sibling, expecting to catch it by its midriff as it floats helpfully back to earth, further expecting then to begin the straightforward process of progressively folding-creasing similar to the way you learned with the flag in scouting.

      But there is elastic involved. Much elastic. And by definition, elasticity does not offer a well-defined dimension. So there you are, in the middle of the laundry room, with two handfuls of crinkling, rumply linen that — in another time and place, like on your bed — actually would be very comforting and non-threatening. You give it a couple more tosses, thinking maybe the wind direction had worked against you. You get a few more handfuls of crinkliness but still no firm handles. So you have some choices:

      1. Summon your spouse/mate/partner/first-in-command (weenie alert!)

      2. Since it’s already 2:30 in the afternoon, how about a nice glass of merlot?

      3. Be a man. Go get your laptop.

      Not surprised that you chose option #3 (although #2 was a strong contender, eh?). So now:

      Fire up your favorite Google search tool (since by the time you read this there won’t be any options left). Type in how to fold a fitted sheet. Bang! Tons of links will come up. Many are videos. Scroll down through to see the wealth. There even is at least one featuring that she’s-everywhere, always-helpful Martha. But notice something: All the presenters are women. Why? you ask. Because no guy has ever been filmed in the wild doing this successfully.

      At first the pix and vids may show some promise. But sooner or later they resort to recommending a large, flat surface such as a table or a bed. Bzzzttt! If you had a large, flat surface available, it would mean that either (a) you already had cleaned off the kitchen counter after last week’s pizza party, or (b) you could spread the demon thing out on your bed — in which case you wouldn’t bother; you would just rip the dirty one off and replace it with what is fast becoming the biggest source of your domestic frustration.

      You are a guy. You don’t want the help of no damn large, flat surface. You want to do this the manly way: fold it in midair. Maybe even with one hand. Eyes closed. Okay…

      The laws of physics cannot be broken. There is zero chance of your ever being pulled over by a cosmic peace officer tapping on your window, then saying, Excuse me, but do you realize that you were defying the principles of gravity and buoyancy by making that fitted sheet descend unnaturally slowly while compacting neatly into a trim, symmetric, geometric shape right into your hands?

      Speaking of the laws of physics, several studies (all of them are on the Internet, somewhere) have shown that any person shorter than seven-foot-four cannot attempt to fold a king-size fitted sheet in midair without dragging it on the floor so badly that it really should go back

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