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Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted. And experience is often the most valuable thing you have to offer. This quote, taken from the Last Lecture by Randy Pausch embodies a thought that I have on my life. It would seem that with recent developments and education in psychology that people tend to look back on their lives and cast blame for their outcome. I have learned through my life that each stage propels me to and through the next, whether positive or negative, and to use the positive to better myself, and the negative to strengthen myself. It is with this in mind that my passion is immersed in directing, comforting and mentoring children as I see the rise in children raising children and the need for a genuinely caring person to step into the role of teacher and embrace them for who they are and help them find the mold which utilizes their being and to which they can aspire with full potential. Before I extend a welcoming hand into who I am, I must first introduce the reason I can and choose to think so positively of the negative circumstances within my life. At a very young age, my mother bought me Eleanor H. Porters Pollyanna. This book, though not kept on my person, remains in my heart. The story entails a young girl who had been the victim of many tragedies, but in it all found a silver lining and her ability to do so impacted the lives of all who were around her. In my ten year old mind, I was convinced that I would do the same for others. Though life has plunged me into depths I never expected to experience, Pollyannas theme remains etched in my heart and I have lived by the principle of always seeking the positive and striving to have that impression in the life of others. To embellish on the quote used earlier, as a child there were two things in my life that I would never have asked for: a discouraging teacher and parents with a dysfunctional relationship. My belief in an ideal world where everyone treated the other with dignity, respect and love were early shattered by these two factors. My parents, who are now divorced, displayed

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to me all the characteristics that I did not want in a relationship but they also opened my eyes to realize that I was not the only child to be born into such a home. It would have been selfabsorbed to believe that I was the only child coming to school with parents who fought both verbally and physically the way mine did. This thought influenced me to want to be so involved in the life of children that I could, my class could be a source of comfort, not for escape but to concentrate on themselves and what they wanted to become and to instil the worth that would allow them to reach newer heights. My teacher was a beautiful, well-educated woman who did not think the same of me. She ridiculed me in front of the class and often times would command that they laugh at me or point jokes in my direction. She deteriorated both my self-worth and self-esteem. She often made remarks, in front of the class, that my younger sister was both prettier and more intelligent that I was. Although this was an issue that discouraged me and made me question my possibilities of success, it further motivated me to become an educator who would promote and motivate students and to truly believe in them and their worth and show them. Although I endured such circumstances, I could not just think of how tragic it was for me. I constantly thought that there were others who suffered similar if not worse fates and I wanted to make a difference in the lives of students with whom I would come into contact. There was a point in which I questioned it, as I had often been told that teaching did not generate riches. I, however, could not negate the joy I felt through interactions with children as a teacher and the unequivocal joy I felt when I saw them grasp concepts, internalize and apply. Every single day that I taught was a clear indication that of what I should be doing for the rest of my life. I especially found my calling with helping those who did not truly believe in themselves, whether due to lack of familial support or circumstances beyond their control because I remember being

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there. I felt like it was my chance to right the wrongs that had been directed at me and I continue to feel such with any child with whom I interact. Children need teachers who are willing to be parents, mentors, enforcers, disciplinarians and above all educators. There must be a willing spirit to genuinely be involved in a childs life below the surface of merely spewing out information and truly touching their lives so that lessons are more than heard but internalized and applied. There must be those who are ready to stop the stereotypes and provide equity of opportunities as well as to instil the belief that will guide children to their own self-actualization. I believe that this mentality is deeply embedded within me, not because I had the examples in front of me but because I strive to be for students what I did not have. So though I can wallow in self-pity, I choose to allow my circumstances to propel me to be a positive change.