Memo

TO: Mr. Steve Jobs FROM: Mrs. Carolina Reyes DATE: 02/07/13 SUBJECT: Proof of Business Writing Skills The purpose of the memo is to provide proof of my proficiency in business writing. The memo is composed of 5 sections: 1) overview (as described below), 2) response to scenario, 3) composition process (Fig. 1 embedded), 4) conclusion and 5) an appendix with a descriptive preliminary draft critique. The piece of business writing is based on a hypothetical scenario that requires an email response. In the scenario, I am a student worker of the Smithfield College Fund that is selling engraved commemorative bricks for $150 each for the Senior Path. The office sent out mailings to the parents of soon-to-be graduates notifying them that they can buy a brick to commemorate the achievement of their sons and daughters. I received an email from Ms. Schlegel who is requesting information on buying a brick for her daughter, Della Schlegel. The issue is then the purchase of a brick for Dellas grandmother and the request for side-by-side placement, if possible. My goal is to notify her that she can buy a brick for both of them but side-by-side placement of the bricks would not be guaranteed. The response includes instructions to order both bricks on one form: each brick costs $150, one payment of check or credit card can be made for both, and write first and last names only with graduating year on the form. To deliver the news that brick placement is not guaranteed, my supervisor said we would do our best and provide a diagram of the location. In the email, we know the family would like to see the two bricks together however, words if possible are written as a form of request not a demand. Therefore, I used those words to help me choose my approach.

SCENARIO RESPONSE
From: Carolina Reyes <carolina.reyes@smithfieldcollege.edu> To: Jeannie Schlegel <jeannie.Schlegel@gmail.com> Date: 1/30/13 Subject: Ordering information for Senior Path commemorative bricks Hello Ms. Schlegel, We have received your email and it was a pleasure learning of your familys legacy at Smithfield College. We would be happy to make a commemorative brick for your daughter Della Schlegel as well as her grandmother Paula Schlegel. The Senior Path is to commemorate the achievement of every graduate and brick placement is according to year. I understand your family would like to see the two bricks side-by-side however; the plan is to group graduating seniors together. The location of the path is in the main walkway of the campus that runs between the student center and some of the schools oldest buildings. If you are not familiar with this location, your family will receive a diagram to easily find your bricks. I discussed the brick placement with my supervisor and the Smithfield College Fund will do its best grant your request. The same order form can be utilized to order both bricks at $150 each. Clearly write Ms. Paula Schlegels first and last name and graduating year on the form. You can pay for both bricks with one payment, either by check or credit card. Congratulations on your daughters achievement. Please feel free to contact me via email at Carolina.reyes@smithfieldcollege.edu should other questions arise. Sincerely, Carolina Reyes Student Worker Smithfield College Fund Carolina.reyes@smithfieldcollege.edu

COMPOSITION PROCESS

Figure 1 The Three Step Writing Process

The Three Step Writing Process, as describe in detail (Figure 1), provided me with a guide to write a successful email response to the hypothetical scenario. In Step 1 Plan: I learned it is important to analyze and gather my information to select a medium and correct approach. In this scenario, I was able to utilize a mixture of the direct and indirect approach. I knew Ms. Jeannie Schlegel would be pleased to find out a brick can be ordered for the grandmother, Ms. Paula Schlegel. However, it was also important for the family that the bricks be placed side-by-side, if possible. This was my cue that I would use deliver the good news about ordering the brick followed by my evidence; the plan to group according to seniors and providing a diagram. In Step 2 Write: I adapted to my audience and respectfully used a conversational but polite tone with Ms. Schlegel. I was sensitive in knowing the importance of the brick placement but it also the ability to get an engraved for the grandmother. The composition of my message was through of use of professionalism and effective sentences. Finally in Step 3 Complete: I revised and edited my first draft to achieve readability and conciseness. I had to make sure I did not leave out relevant information pertaining to the ordering instructions as well as the reason for the brick placement. During this revision, I moved the information provided to support my approach and produce an effective message. As I proofread, I edited the use of hedging that overqualified some sentences. This step also helped me edit overly long sentences and structure.

CONCLUSION
My strengths as a business writer are shown in my decision to efficiently use the correct approach in the scenario response. Having the ability to organize my information and apply it to an indirect approach makes my business writing effective. Following The Three Step Writing Process (see Figure 1) allowed me to realize the importance of choosing the correct approach to delivering negative news and writing routine messages. Delivering bad news effectively is important to establish and maintain relationships with customers, clients, and co-workers. I learned how to compose concise and readable in a business setting. Step 2 in the chart (see Figure 1), reminded me to choose my words to deliver a negative message through sensitivity and organization. Word choice is imperative because it is the difference between retaining a customer and maintaining or establishing an internal business relationship. I will have the ability to get new accounts and keep them when negative messages need to be delivered. Therefore, the business writing skills I have learned will play a significant role in my professional career to be an effective communicator.

APPENDIX: PRELIMINARY DRAFT CRITIQUE

Below is my initial draft, followed by a short critique.

Hello Ms. Schlegel, I received your email and it was a pleasure learning of your familys legacy at Smithfield College. We would be happy to make a commemorative brick for your daughter Della Schlegel as well as her grandmother Paula Schlegel. I realize your family would like to see the two bricks side by side however, because the Senior Path will be built according to graduating year. I cannot guarantee the side by side placement but I did speak with my supervisor and the Smithfield College Fund will do its best to fulfill your wish. The Senior Path is located in the main walkway of the campus that runs between the student center and some of the schools oldest. If you are not familiar with this location, each family will receive a diagram to easily find their bricks. The same order form can be utilized to order both bricks at $150 each. Please write Ms. Paula Schlegels first and last name and graduating year of 1934 on the form. You can also pay for both bricks with one payment either by check or credit card. I hope that I answered all of your questions, please feel free to contact me via email at Carolina.reyes@smithfieldcollege.edu should other questions arise. Sincerely, Carolina Reyes Student Worker Smithfield College Fund

One of my weaknesses in the first draft was deciding whether to use the indirect or direct approach. It was not quite clear to me if the news that the placement of the bricks would not be side by side was actually bad news. Through revision, I decided the good news was that Ms. Schlegel would be able to order the brick for the grandmother and the placement would be mild bad news. Therefore, I used the good news as a buffer, and the purpose, location, and plan of the Senior Path as my evidence to deliver the news that

the bricks would not be side by side. This situation was not a clear-cut direct or indirect approach. It was a matter of skillfully delivering mild bad news while also having the advantage of delivering good news that I decided to use as a strength. Another weakness was the lack of use of the you approach to show sensitivity, which I did try to implement more in the revision. Although I did use the correct medium using the 4-line header for the email, I did not format the information in a readable manner. I realized I had to move information around to use as my evidence as I realized how to properly use the indirect/direct approach. A strength in my writing was that I established a relationship with my audience as part of adapting to the audience in step 2 of the Three-Step Writing Process as shown in (See Figure 1).