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Rock Me Slowly By Dawn Sutherland

I want to thank a few people, without them this book would have been nothing but a dream. Got to firstly Thank my little group of squirtles who pushed me to get it finished. You know who you are Stephannie Tolitsky You kept me sane. You didnt think my ideas were crazy. I love you. Lisa Gross-Tuin Thank you for reading those early versions. Kelly Allen Endless phonecalls discussing various scenes that are now so much hotter. I love ya. Jane Seddon You helped me laugh far too many times. I laughed and I laughed until I literally cried. Diane Rushbrook You edited those very first chapters and gave me the confidence to continue. Thank You. Catherine Gallie You always have my back. You kept me going through it all. Thank You. Thank you to the Smutty Book Whore Mafia. You all keep me sane and provided me with So much material.

Chapter 1
Its a beautiful day in New York. The sun is splitting the sky and I can smell the strong aroma of Coffee and fried food stalls. This is a regular thing for all these New Yorkers that are buzzing past me at an alarming rate. I, on the other hand relish these new surroundings with a strong sense of abandonment. At last Im free of the ropes that have been pulling me under in London. I hate living a regular, monotonous life that I have become subjected to. Im a creature that needs to spread their wings. I cant be tied down. Why live life with a certain road map to follow. I live life with no certainty, no given road to travel down; I want to be a free bird. New York is so full of possibilities, but even that is not my long term plan. I have been given the most exciting job of my life. The road to this very minute in my life has been hard with many bumps in the road. I graduated from Kings College with a Bachelor of Arts in Fashion Design with honours. I had finally realised my dream and could begin to travel towards my final destination, working with rock bands. There is fierce competition out there for Designer jobs but I had made it my life mission to work with some of Rocks most talented bands. I had some fierce ideas; I just had to be given a chance to show the world what I could do. Then out of the blue I get a call from my New Yorker buddy, Anna. That turned out to be the best phone call ever! You will never guess what Ive just been told? Like really, you are going to cream your pants when I tell you! Annas boundless enthusiasm has me entirely intrigued. I met Anna at University, in our freshman year. She was another fashion design student and the connection we felt at each others awkwardness at starting University pulled us together. I love Anna although she is the complete opposite of me. She is brash, very forward and is the most beautiful girl I have had the pleasure of calling my friend. With her chocolate coloured waist long hair and matching eyes she catches guys attention everywhere she walks. No I dont think I ever will guess, so come on spill whats so exciting? Must be good if its got your attention. I say with a sardonic edge to my voice. I got word from a contact of mine that the fucking pantie dropping rock band, Buried Alive are looking for a new Fashion Designer/stylist. This is huge news. They are going to explode on the Rock scene very soon and this is the only position their manager is looking to hire for. Oh, okay so I guess Anna is trying to tell me shes applying for the job. Im pleased for her. AndI take it you applied? No stupid, but you are. WaitWhat? What do you mean I am? Dont you want to apply for it? Most logical reason for her call

surely? No, I got offered a job yesterday with a major fashion house so Im good. Anyway its your dream to work with a rock band. Ive already emailed you the application so fill it out and email it back a.s.a.p. Im not kidding those boys are exactly what wet dreams are made of. Anna squeals down the phone. Okay, so tell me more about them. I need more to go on than just that they are what wet dreams are made of. Although, that snippet of information sent excitable chills down my spine. Anna sighs down the phone dramatically. Youre going to want to Google them but I will tell you that they are sex personified. The band consists of Mickey as frontman; he has a body to die for. His whole body is tattooed and he is in fantastic shape. Hes arrogant but god hes so damn sexy with it. Lead guitarist is Josh. Tattooed to the hilt my friend. The things he can do with those fingers are insane, god such long fingers. Anna Please get on with it before I start daydreaming about these men. Okay, okay bossy-boots. Rhythm guitarist is Zack, he is a sweetheart. Bassist is Blaine; I want him to bang me like he does his bass. Finally on drums is Tanner. Every time I look at the papers that guy is freaking off his skull, eyes glazed over and not really aware of his surroundings. Hes a party animal. Right, get off this phone and get the application filled out and sent back. Then get your sexy little ass online and Google these hot fuckers. You will not be disappointed. With that Anna clicks off the line and Im left to contemplate my next move. ******* I did Google them and by they are out of this world. Their good looks would of knocked me on my ass if I hadnt of been sitting down. Just looking at them had instilled a fluttering in my stomach. Forget about saying I had butterflies, I had frigging massive bats trying to break out of my body. I closed my laptop and put the image of those rock gods to the back of my mind. There is no way I was going to get the job anyway. I was just out of university just having recently qualified; no way on this green earth was I going to land such a huge role this early on in my career. No, I definitely would not be that lucky. Approximately one week later I received a call from Tony Daniels, Music Executive calling me to attend an interview for the position. Of course Im over eager and fumble my way through the conversation with Mr Daniels. I really must learn to stop sounding like a rambling idiot, especially when it comes to important conversations such as this. I flew out to New York to attend the interview in my most professional clothes. My nerves were off the charts, I fidgeted the whole way there and I couldnt shut my mind off of what could potentially be mine if I could impress the music mogul enough. I was so scared but my

excitement was pulsing throughout my body. I could feel the adrenaline pumping in time with my heart. I just wanted to impress and I would do my utmost to do just that. Strangely enough I flew through the interview and I seemed to impress them with my sharp quick fire questions. We said our goodbyes and I was told they would be in touch within the next few days. I wasnt very confident but I still had a small ray of hope that my personality had shone through enough for them to consider me an option. If anything it gave me the experience at being interviewed by some of the most powerful men in music. Even if I didnt get the job I could be proud knowing I conducted myself in such a professional manner. A few days later I received a call from one Mr Tony Daniels. It was a short call. I expected to be told that I was impressive but hadnt been successful. Everyone knows that graduates find it increasingly difficult to find jobs in such a competitive industry. Imagine my shock when I was told I was the successful applicant. Talk about taking the wind out of my sails! I was officially the new fashion designer for Buried Alive. Holy Shit! I thanked Tony Daniels profusely for this opportunity and told him that I wouldnt let the band or him down. Once again I was berating myself for my over eager ramblings. I really needed to tone that down! I was starting my job a week on Monday and I had to be at Tony Daniels office that day to sign all the necessary documentation. Oh my god this is really happening! Crap, one slight snag in all of this is that I need somewhere to stay in New York before starting my job. I need to phone Anna, she always has the answers. I dial her number and she picks up on the third ring. Well, Im guessing your ringing to tell me you got the job, right? How in the hell did she know? How in the hell did you know I would get the job? I really wasnt confident at all. They were damn frightening and I felt like the bad girl called into the headmasters office. Please, credit me with a little more intelligence. You are amazing; they would have been fools to dismiss you. You were the only option. Oh my god, you are going to be fanning yourself day and night with all those hot bodies around you on that bus. Im not afraid to tell you that Im so jealous. Huh, she has more faith in me than I do. I called to ask you where I should stay before starting the job. I need to be in New York just in case there is a change of plan and I have to be on the bus sooner than anticipated. Um duh, you will be staying with me of course. Need my best girl with me whilst shes in New York. Now go and get packed and get your little ass on the next plane over here. Text me the details and Ill pick you up at the airport. See you soon. And with that my life has been turned on its ass, but for the better. Life is going to get crazy and its that fact that has me excited.

Chapter 2
Its the day I start my new adventure and Im both nervous and excited. I grab my massive suitcase and lug it to the front door of the apartment. You dont realise that you have so many clothes until you have to pack for a six month road trip. I have about twelve pairs of shoes and an insanely huge amount of handbags packed but its so freaking stupid because Im never going to have the opportunity to use them all. I head back into the dining room and pick up my cell to phone for a cab to take me to Tony Daniels office to begin my much anticipated start to my career. I have ten minutes to wait for my cab so I check the contents of my handbag while Im waiting. I have my cell phone, money, ipad, make-up and my girly necessities. Im very nervous but I also know that this is the opportunity of a lifetime. I hear the horn of the cab and take one last look around the apartment. I head down the front steps and Im met by a very friendly cab driver who insists upon carrying my case for me, for which Im grateful as the thing weighs a bloody ton. I sit in the back of the cab ready and willing to start my adventure with Buried Alive. We finally pull up outside Tonys office approximately twenty minutes later. I walk towards the building to meet with Mr Music Mogul. The office block tells me all I need to know about Tony, filthy rich. The building from the outside seems to have been constructed entirely from black glass, its awe inspiring. I open the double glass doors and head to the reception area where I am greeted by a very sleek and by all means snobby brunette. I place my case at the front of the desk and hand over my necessary papers to prove who I am and who Im here to see. She eyes me suspiciously whilst looking over a diary placed on the desk. Okay Miss Matthews you may go in and see Mr Daniels. He is expecting you. Just go straight across the hall there. I leave Miss snotty and walk over to the glass door that has Tony Daniels, Music Executive inscribed in the glass. I knock twice and wait for Mr Daniels to motion me inside. I walk into Tony Daniels office and collect everything I need to get onto the tour bus. I sign for my security badge that I have to wear at all times so that security knows exactly who I am. Apparently security has been increased for the tour due to the ever increasing popularity of the band. Okay, so the band is a lot more popular than I imagined. I finish up my business with the Music Executive/Band Manager, who seems a bit of a dick if Im honest; he loves himself just a little too much. I honestly think that he would suck his own dick if he could. The taxi takes me to the airport after I have signed all the necessary documentation with Tony Daniels. I cannot wait to get to L.A to start the super exciting rock journey. When we have made it through rush hour traffic and arrived at JFK airport I pay the taxi driver a generous

fair and retrieve my suitcase from the trunk of the car. I wheel it through to the check in desk and place my passport down in front of the blonde desk operator. She opens up my passport and looks up and down at me several times before convincing herself that I am who I say I am. She passes my passport back over to me. I now make my way over to the luggage rack to load my suitcase. I am so freaking excited. I nearly jump out of my skin when I feel a large hand grasp my shoulder from behind. I am greeted by a huge man in a crisp business suit. The man smiles at me and I can feel the warmth of his features. Tony Daniels told me that I would be met by the bands head of security, Trev. In some eyes Trev will seem very intimidating but he is nothing but warm towards me. Miss Matthews? Im Trev, head of security for Buried Alive. You were informed I would meet you here, yes? Wow, he has probably the deepest voice I have ever heard in my life. He will definitely be a force to be reckoned with. Yes I was informed. In fact Im very glad Im going to have someone to ride on the plane with. I get very nervous when Im flying, there just seems to be something very unnatural about a little jet being thousands of feet up in the air. Unnatural is an understatement and so is nervous, proper puke into a bag nervous. Ugh I just cant wait, not! Brilliant well Ill just radio in that I have picked you up. You head on into the departures lounge. I bend down and pick up my purse and throw it over my shoulder. I walk over to the first class lounge. This is definitely the best way to have a flying experience. My flight is very early; it leaves at 06.30am so I have an hour to kill before departure. I am re-joined by Trev half an hour later to inform me that they are now allowing first class boarders onto the aircraft. I pick up my purse and head towards departures. Trev walks very closely beside me but also maintaining my personal space. Once we are on board the aircraft I find my seat and plop myself down onto the luxurious leather and make myself well and truly at home. I could totally get used to this kind of travel if it wasnt for the fact that we will be up thousands of feet in the damn air! Just as we are about to be cleared for take-off Im approached by a very pretty air hostess who asks me if I wish anything to drink or eat. How in the hell can I eat anything right now? My stomach is doing summersaults. On second thoughts, yes pass me the motherfucking Prozac that may just numb my brain long enough for this damn flight! As the plane travels down the runway I feel like Im going to lose my stomach through my mouth. Then the plane takes off into the air and I find myself gripping the armrests hard, this results in my poor knuckles turning a horrible shade of white with the pressure Im exerting on them. Trev leans over from his seat from across the walkway. He can obviously sense my

discomfort at the plane taking off so he starts chatting to me about random nonsense to take my mind off of it. Im so very glad that he is here it makes me forget about the nausea that is rising up from my stomach. Once we are in the air for a good hour I decide to pull out my ipad from my bag and start to do some research on the band and its members. I try to switch it on but of course I forgot to charge the damn thing and I have forgotten the charger. What a dumbass move that was! Since I cant do my much needed research I decide to recline my chair back and try to get some shut eye. Sometime later Im being awoken by Trev who is shaking me by the shoulders to wake me up. I rub my eyes with the back of my hand and stare up into Trevs big blue eyes in recognition as to where I am. Sophie. Sophie, wake up. We have arrived at LAX, you slept the entire way here. The bus is waiting for us just outside. Come on I need to get you safely onto the bus now before any of the fans catches wind of just who is on the bus. There is a serious edge to Trevs instructions and I quickly gather up my purse. Wait, what about my luggage? Its already on the bus they did it as soon as the plane landed. Oh, Okay. Aint things done fast in the world of showbiz. I follow Trev to the front of the aircraft and head down the steps onto the tarmac to where the tour bus is waiting. As we walk towards the door to the bus I suddenly feel very nervous as to what awaits me. What the hell have I let myself in for? Come on Sophie Ill show you around so you can get a feel for the place. I follow Trev into the guts of the tour bus and my eyeballs seem to be having difficulty staying in my head. I honestly thought that tour buses were messy which resembled smelly boys bedrooms on wheels. Sure Trev, I appreciate it. He places his hand at the small of my back and shows me the cabins that the guys and I will be occupying over the next six months. They are nothing remotely comfortable looking but Im sure they will serve their purpose. Here are the bunks. You will be at the very end of the bus away from the guys so at least you will get some privacy, not much but some. Trev lets out a very deep laugh that catches me off guard momentarily. He has a lovely face, piercing blue eyes and a beautiful and genuine smile that showcases his perfect white teeth. I could really grow to love him; maybe he would turn out to be the father figure that I never did have.

Excellent Trev. Im sure they will do the job just fine. Well if you want to follow me Ill take you into the kitchen and you can see where everything is kept. I follow him down the corridor and turn right into an open plan kitchen and it is just stunning. This kitchen is more outstanding than my own kitchen at home and we are on a freaking bus. The fridge looks to be brand new. Trev opens it and allows me to see its contents. Typical lads fridge contents, beer, beer and more beer. Oh excuse me they actually have a load of chips in the fridge; I do hope they have their freezer more adequately stocked. Well I hope you like beer Sophie. Aint that the truth. Right Ill take you to the bathroom now and you can see where you can put your erm girly things. Bless him. He actually blushed, he has obviously been around the boys for far too long. For such a bulky guy he seems to have trouble dealing with such a little girl. Lead the way Trev. I smile sardonically, I really shouldnt tease him. He opens up a door diagonally across from the kitchen and its actually deceivingly big. The bathroom is beautiful! The room is largely dominated by a huge circular tub that could easily fit five people. I am damn well sure I aint sharing with anyone! There is also a walk in shower in the corner of the room. The whole room is tiled in black granite and it really gives a relaxing and stylish finish to the room. I love the cabinets that are attached to the back wall; plenty room for my girly things as Trev put it. This room may just turn into my safe haven. Okay. Sophie Ill show you where your office is now. Oh goody an office all to myself, how simple things make me giddy. I almost feel kind of professional. We back down the same corridor and at the end of the cabins there is a door, we enter and I immediately fall in love. Although its small its just perfect for what I need it for. I already have a laptop set up on the desk and there are posters of the boys on the walls. By all accounts they are a good looking bunch but those are going to be the first things to come down, I will replace them with my designs. Yes, I can picture feeling very at home here. Oh Trev this is fucking brilliant, I love it! I cant help but squeal with delight at the thought of working here in my own little world. Easily excited, huh? Trev chuckles at me but I let him off, this time. Yes, this is all I have ever wanted to do since like forever. I still cant believe I was given this opportunity. I am pretty sure that there would have been more qualified and confident applicants for the job, what luck! Great, so I have only two areas left to show you now Sophie. Ill show you the only bedroom

in the whole bus. If you want to follow me. One bedroom? I dont even understand why there is a bedroom when there is a whole corridor of cabin beds? We follow the same corridor again and Trev opens two glass doors to our left and peers his head in first before motioning me to follow him inside. There is a massive king sized bed in the middle of the room, it smells remotely of cigarette smoke, but its not recent. Its neutrally decorated and has very soft lighting coming from spotlights in the ceiling. So Trev, why exactly is there a separate bedroom on the bus when all the guys will surely have a cabin each? I can only imagine this would cause major fights between the guys, no? This room has really confused me, five guys and only one bedroom? Oh Sophie, this room is actually used for when ermuhoh crap, its for when the guys want to entertain a lady. Trev actually looks very sheepish and embarrassed by the guys antics whilst on tour. He shouldnt be, I would actually be very shocked if the guys didnt take advantage of women throwing themselves at them. Dont be embarrassed Trev, they are guys after all. I start to walk back to the double glass doors and Trev takes that as a cue to get the hell out of there. We walk down another corridor to the left of the bedroom and for some reason I cant seem to shake the reasons behind the separate bedroom. Just how many women do these guys actually entertain? Right here we have the general entertainment room, most things happen in here. I walk in behind Trev and I think my jaw just dropped straight to the floor. The room has a huge L shaped black sofa and on the wall directly in front of it hangs what looks like a 60 inch plasma TV. I am gobsmacked at the opulence in this room alone. Wow, Im guessing this is where the guys spend most of their time whilst on the road then? Theres also a mini bar in the corner of the room which seems to stock everything that the heart could possibly desire. On the back wall there are five different kinds of electric guitars hanging from the wall and they are truly works of art. In the left hand corner of the room there are several amps stacked upon each other. Im guessing this is where the guys practise for their upcoming shows. I am truly in love with this room. I am interrupted from my thoughts as Trevs radio starts to come to life. Yep. You sure? Well okay Ill be right out. Cant have the fan frenzy starting already, eh? Trev laughs into the radio obviously amused at the conversation. Right Sophie Im going to leave you to get settled in, it seems we have an over amorous fan trying to get over the security barrier already. We will see each other soon. With that Trev leaves the room and exits the bus to attend to the security issue that is occurring outside. I head back into the kitchen to see if I can fix myself a drink, I have a feeling Im going to need it.

I am interrupted by a loud ruckus coming from the living area, funny I didnt see anybody in there before. I wander back in only to be faced with the most divine creature on the face of the earth, seriously. Have I died and gone to heaven? The figure that stands in front of me is clothed in ripped blue jeans, a white tank top and doc martens. I glance up again and take in the sight of his well-defined arms; yep, he works out a lot too, holy shit. Each arm is covered in the most beautiful tattoos that I have ever seen. He doesnt have the usual black and white tats that I have become accustomed to on a man. They are full of vibrant colour, what I would give to lick every inch of them. I finally glance up at the mans face and if I was impressed with the body the face knocks me totally off balance. His eyes are a piercing brown and his hair is a raven coloured black and has a decent length to it. Its all mussed up in messy spikes. Holy crap, those photos I saw on Google are nothing compared to the Adonis that is standing in front of me. Those photographers must of got him on a bad day, because he is just one huge chunk of man meat. Wow, I could totally imagine grabbing his hair during wild sex. If only I knew his name. I have the feeling I am about to make a total and utter fool out of myself. And you are? Ah.. I see our new fashion stylist/designer Sophie. He picks up my ID card that was hanging from around my neck to examine my details. His touch on my chest felt like I had been burned. His fingers left such a fire within my chest, something I have never experienced before. I quickly put it down to nerves. Great, he now knows my name and I know absolutely nothing about this rock god that is standing in front of me. He is still holding my card but he is staring into my eyes, I dont know what is going through his head but I realise I would really like to know. As quickly as he started staring at me as if I was his next meal he pulls his eyes away from me and places my card back upon my chest. The moment is gone. You probably already know who I am but incase you dont, which I find highly unlikely, Im Josh Cairns, lead guitarist. You should join us for a few drinks when you get settled in. We will be on the road for a while before our next stop, why not make it a comfortable ride? His eyes linger and look up and down my body which now has me blushing a lovely shade of crimson. He is full of lascivious intent. I am no prude or virgin but that look just screams sex. Its almost like he wants to rip every shred of clothing off of me and throw me on the counter and pound into me until I scream his name as he fills me with his juices. Holy shit I am totally done for. I will never be able to resist this sex/ rock god that I will be living in the shadows with. He wanders back into the living quarters and switches on the huge TV. He sits on the sofa, spreads his legs wide on the coffee table and clasps his hands back behind his head. Fuck, I want him naked. I would really love that lean, firm body hovering over me. Get a grip Sophie you are here to work not have sexual fantasies that are well above your station, the guys have their slutty groupies for that particular need. It just so happens that I have ended up living in the same tour bus as the members of the band. My sleeping cabin is at the very top of the bus so I start the very boring task of unpacking the necessary items that I will need immediately on the first leg of the trip. I take my toiletry bag and go into the shared bathroom and start laying out my scents and body wash on the shelf

near the bath. I wander back out and Im faced with what I can only assume is the rest of the band. If I thought there could only be one hottie amongst this group I would be wrong. They all have a sexy edge to them and I can understand why so many girls throw themselves at them. Hell, I would be tempted to eat any one of them up. However, there is just something about Josh, he has every nerve ending in my body on red alert. I have a dull ache down near my pleasure centre just breathing the same air as that damn man. How can he elicit that kind of effect on me when I have only just met him? I shake away my inappropriate thoughts and bring myself back to the here and now. Well what do we have here? A guy with a buzz cut and very handsome facial features teamed with the brightest and straightest white teeth greets me. He also wears a tank top and is covered with tattoos. From the position of his top I can also see that his chest is tattooed. HHi there, Im Sophie your new Fashion designer/ stylist. Its great to meet you all. I try to sound as confident as I can but I have to admit Im feeling very out of my comfort zone with these guys. They have fame and with fame comes power. Anyway, less of the depressing thoughts. Im here to learn but I also have every intention of having fun, and lots of it! I might just pick up a guy along the way. Well aint you much prettier than the last woman we had. Right enough she was in her forties. You on the other hand are as sexy as hell. What on earth is a pretty little thing like you doing on a bus with a bunch of bad boys that like to party and cuss at every given opportunity. Or do you like that, you like the dirty bad boys? Fuck, are all the guys as flirty as the two I have met? They are totally going to have me wetting my panties if they keep up this flirting. I can cope with a few men dont forget gents I am here to work nothing more, nothing less. Now if you wouldnt mind could you all introduce yourselves. My request seems to be highly amusing to the guy because he lets out a rather disturbing laugh. Sugar, are you trying to tell me you dont know who each of us are? Well you must be the only female on US soil that doesnt know. You would never guess how many times we get offers to sleep with completely random girls. Okay, okay. Im Mickey Bennett lead singer and hottest son of a bitch you ever did meet. Yeah what the fuck ever Mick in your fucking dreams. You only get laid because you are the lead singer and just happen to get a stage boner every time you go on. Youre just fucking whipped I get laid more times than you. And this dick beside me is Zack Harrison, Rhythm guitarist. To my left is Josh whom I believe you have already met. He is pretty much just a bit behind me in the amount of lays he gets in a month. The girls just fucking love a guitarist, something about how they are good with their fingers. Then we have our drummer Tanner Smith, who can beat the shit out of any drum beat. He is the fucking party animal. You will always see him shitfaced, just ignore him. Our bassist here is Blaine

Ross. He is a mean mother fucker that you will grow to love. So thats the band. I cant promise you that I will keep my hands to myself. Wow just wow, cocky much? Im not letting him near me; Im just here to work. I really need to keep repeating that mantra to myself otherwise, I could fall into the dark path of actually falling for them. Shit, shit, shit.

Chapter 3
I spend the next half hour in the bathroom getting ready for the start of tour drinks that the boys insisted I be apart of. I have curled my blonde hair and thrown on a mini skirt and a tight white top. I may just have to invest in more formal attire if we end up out on the town during the tour. I put my face on and Im done, ready for the onslaught of the flirting that is so obviously going to happen. I am fresh meat for the boys. I walk into the living area and Im greeted by the boys all at once. However, Josh cant take his eyes away from my body. The lust in his eyes is apparent and it only makes me shiver and clench in anticipation down in my core. I take several deep breaths and allow myself to calm the fuck down. I have six months of this pleasure/torture and I have to find a way to be able to manage it the best I can. What do you want to drink Sophie? Josh asks seductively. Okay, he wants to play a game. Im more than willing to rise to the bait. I can see that Blaine has already had a belly full and is currently horizontal on the floor. Vodka and diet coke if you have it please Josh. I reply whilst looking through my lashes seductively. He wants me but Im not going to make it easy for him. I will not be an easy lay for Josh or any of the other guys for that matter. I have every intention of getting shit faced tonight and Im going to flaunt my sexuality in these guys faces every opportunity I get. Josh heads over to the mini bar to mix up my drink and he returns to my side. I gratefully accept the drink and our hands briefly touch for a moment and dang, there is that feeling of desire pooling deep within my core again. Damn me wearing that little white top. I can feel my nipples standing out with the contact of the sex god. You know Sophie I cant stop thinking about what it would be like to fuck your hot little pussy. Im hard just thinking about it. What do you say we sneak away and have a little tete a tete. Im very tempted. The thought of having this rock star hovering above me is a hot thought. No, I need to keep my mind on the game here; I dont want to lose my job. You couldnt handle me even on your best night Josh. I would rock your fucking world more than the pathetic little groupies could ever offer you. I will leave you with that thought. I bat my eyelashes for effect. I want Josh to want me, I want him to be so wild with desire that he cant think straight. I pour myself another Vodka and diet coke from the bar in the entertainment room, which is stocked with every possible drink you could ever imagine. I can already feel the alcohol rush to my head and my legs feel decidedly wobbly. I take a sip out of my fresh drink and walk over to where Tanner is sitting by his drum kit. Tanner is pretty shitfaced from the numerous Bourbon shots he has knocked back in quick

succession. No matter how drunk he is though he is still able to beat the hell out of his drums. I stand quietly and just listen to how fantastic he is. Every beat of the drum is perfectly timed and I cant help but stare at how damn amazing he is. You can tell that he has done this his whole damn life. Tanner finishes off his showboating by performing an elaborate drum fill that has me clapping like a mad woman. You are pretty damn amazing Tanner. Where did you learn to play the drums like that? Im very interested in how a guy can play like that; I just wouldnt have the coordination for playing an instrument like the drums. Well, my mom bought me a drum kit for my second birthday. My mom used to tell me that from the moment that I could walk and talk I was pulling out her pots and pans and bashing them with wooden spoons. Once I got that first proper drum kit I was in love. I played that damn drum kit every day; I lived and breathed playing the drums. My mom didnt have much money back then but she somehow found the money to take me to have professional lessons. The money probably came from working two jobs just so she could give me everything my heart desired. Tanner says wistfully. He was obviously a very much loved child. It is that love that has allowed him to chase his dreams. Tanner your mom obviously loved you very much. You can tell that you have been playing since you were a child; you are one of the most talented drummers I have ever seen in my life. Im not bullshitting you, you are amazing. Tanner rewards me with a dazzling smile that warms my soul. Thanks Sophie. It was cool chatting with you but if you will excuse me I think I need another drink. Tanner excuses himself and gets up from behind his drum kit and walks over to the mini bar to pour himself another Bourbon. I just know that before the night is out Tanner is either going to be horizontal on the floor or he is going to be puking down the toilet. I really dont know how they do it, a few drinks and Im ready to fall asleep on the nearest surface. Well tonight Im going to be making an exception; I plan to get very drunk. Its not every day that you get to be a part of a major US tour, is it? I sit down on the large L shaped leather couch and drink my Vodka and coke contemplatively. The other boys are now congregating in the kitchen and Im left alone with my thoughts and of course Josh. Josh is now sitting on the opposite side of the couch and is watching me very intently. Can I help you? I ask warily. His stare is intense, is he eye fucking me? Oh, like you wouldnt believe, baby. His hand grabbed his crotch suggestively. That would be a yes, definite eye fuck! I shift nervously in my seat. He straightened up on the couch maybe noticing my reaction to his forward approach.

So how old are you Soph? 24 how about you? Im 26 and in answer to your next question, yes I am very experienced. He winked with a wicked gleam in his eye. Holy crap talk about letting your intentions known. How nice for you Josh. That piece of information is of no consequence to me though. I lied. It thrills me to know just how experienced he is, so long as he wrapped it up every time. I would say that it would be nice for you Sophie. My sexual skills know no bounds and I could totally have you coming like a train. Is he for fucking real? Does he seriously think that Im about to give it up to him just like that? Look Josh that shit might work on your little groupies but it doesnt impress me one little bit. I lie again, who am I kidding? I feel seriously giddy at the thought of Josh being able to make me come. Its been so long since a man was able to make me come undone. Josh gets up off his end of the couch and walks over towards me seductively. He grabs me by the shoulders and pulls me up to my feet almost spilling my drink all over me. I place my drink down on the glass table and stare up into Joshs big brown eyes, they remind me of chocolate. Josh tucks my hair behind my ear which sends a delicious shiver down my spine. Josh plays with my hair softly and it feels divine. Your hair smells amazing. Would you like to have sex with me Sophie? I know we have just met but I can promise you I will make it worth your while. Oh my god the audacity of the man! As if Im going to just drop my panties for him right now. I push him away from me and place my hands on my hips to let him know just how pissed off I am. Are you honestly telling me that you want to sleep with me already? You dont even know me! Is this how the guys conduct all their communication with potential sleeping partners? Oh look theres a hot girl, I know lets ask her if she wants to fuck me? Give me a fucking break! No wonder you lot have a reputation for being bad boys. You must have some amount of notches on your bedpost. Sophie Im telling you, you would love it. I can make you feel so good that you would be totally ruined for other men. I cannot believe he just said that, what an arrogant pompous ass he is! I dont even grant him a response to that as I walk right past him and out of the entertainment room. Im full of so much rage now. I guess this is what it is going to be like living with a bunch of sexual deviants. I slam the door to the entertainment room and walk through to the private bedroom that Trev

had showed me earlier. I just need a breather before I head back out into the madness that is living with a bunch of rowdy and sexual males. I run my hands through my hair in my frustration and take several deep breaths. It wouldnt be so bad if I didnt find myself attracted to Josh, thats the only reason I am finding this whole thing confusing. When I finally find myself calm enough to be able to be in the boys company I head out of the bedroom. I walk back into the kitchen where the guys are huddled around the kitchen island playing some card game. I dont pay any attention to what card game they are playing, Im too aggravated to even consider joining them. I grab a glass of water and down it in one and then head back into the entertainment room to relax for a while before bed. Josh is now standing directly behind me and has wrapped his arm around my chest whilst the other hand is now massaging my hip bone. His fingers are so damn close to the place that Im desperately craving his touch. My breathing is erratic and Im pretty sure he knows how aroused I am. Josh sweeps back my hair from my ear and bends down slowly to whisper something to me. Just the feel of his hot, alcohol smelling breath has me feeling lightheaded. You know Sophie you can only keep refusing me so long. Im attracted to you and I know damn well youre attracted to me. You and I would be so fucking good together. Can you feel that? Feel how hard my cock is for you. I want your legs wrapped around me while I pound into you and hear you scream my name. Josh is now rubbing his cock up and down the side of my leg, making me very aware of his own arousal. He now has a fistful of my blonde hair and his other hand has moved from my hip bone and has started rubbing my sex through my panties. All I can do is let out a moan of pure pleasure. Shit, I have to pull this back; I cant just give into him. Im sure he gets everything he wants, well not this time. Josh, no, I cant do this, this isnt right. Stop please. I manage to say through laboured pants. Any longer and I would have been coming apart in his arms. I have to have some self-control, my job is very important to me and I cant afford to jeopardise it. It was obvious Josh wasnt going to be able to stop. As soon as the words have left my mouth, Josh pulls away his hands and walks off towards the kitchen and Im left withdrawn and confused to as what just happened. I want him badly but deep down I know he will hurt me. These guys are known for not only their antics on the stage but also for their antics for sleeping with different girls every night of their tour. Only I would have the ability to jeopardize my job here by being interested in a member of the band. I pick up my half full vodka and coke and down it in one. This is exactly what I need. I need to get as drunk as possible, as quickly as possible.

Josh I have a reputation as a bad boy but thats not the whole truth behind the story. How did I get to become that bad boy? My life has been full of ups and downs growing up. I would of done anything to have been blessed with a normal childhood and upbringing, but it wasnt to be. God, life was tough and I can barely remember any happy memories with mom, it seems to be tarnished with all the bad ones. Mom really knew how to fuck up good and proper. What I wouldnt of given to have someone that loved and cherished their children. Im only glad that she didnt bring another kid into the situation. I suppose she loved me in her own way but her way was totally screwed up. I used to be a very angry boy. I could never understand why I was cursed to this life, constantly having to clean up after my mom, always looking out for her, it was meant to be the other way around. it was almost like I was the parent and mom was the child. I often wished things had been different. I desperately wanted a loving relationship with mom but it was as though I was nothing but an inconvenience to her at times. When I do finally settle down and have kids they will be the most treasured possession I will ever have and I will tell them that every damn day Im on this freaking earth. I must have been about seven or eight when I walked into my moms bedroom to find her fucking a guy half her age. She screamed at me to get the fuck out of her room. She didnt care that I saw something that no little boy should have to see. I am a product of my moms promiscuous behaviour. I have no idea who my father is or even where I would begin in trying to track him down. He obviously wasnt a stand-up kinda guy if he had to sleep with a prostitute. I hate them both. I got into a lot of fights in high school. It became apparent that I would have two paths that I would be faced with. Either I would continue down the one I was already headed on and end up exactly like my mother or I could change what I was becoming and make a name for myself. Luckily I picked the second path, something I will be forever thankful for. If I hadnt of changed I dread to think where I would of ended up by now,. I would probably be six feet under or lying in a ditch dying somewhere. I have suffered a world of hurt and could never move on, not until I met the guys. I have moved on the best I could. Now Im living the dream and life couldnt be better. I have as much drink as my body can consume and I have women falling over themselves to get into bed with me. So why the hell has little Sophie got to me? Sophie stopped me from taking our attraction to another level. That is truly a first for me. Never have I been rejected like that by a woman. Then again, I have never felt that level of lust for a girl I have just met either. Im confused as to what is happening. Fuck, I need a drink now! I sit down on the leather sofa with the guys and they have now progressed onto tequila shots. I pour myself my first shot and knock it back feeling it take the edge out of any confusion I was

suffering from. The liquid burns my throat but gives me an instant high. My high is increased when in walks Sophie in her tight little demin skirt and her figure enhancing white top. I know how soft her pussy had felt against my fingers and those little moans that reverberated deep within her throat. She wants me she just doesnt want to admit it, yet. The first instant that I laid my eyes on her I felt my erection pressing very hard against the zip of my jeans, never had I got as hard as that just by looking at a woman. Sophie instantly starts trying to get to know the guys and for the first time in my life I feel jealousy start to bubble up in me. I have never got jealous of any of the guys lays before mainly due to the amount I had readily available to me, apparently guitar players in a rock band do it for most women. Now all of a sudden there was only one woman that I wanted to please, only one woman that I wanted underneath me in my bed. Another drink. I need another fucking drink! So what do you guys like doing when you arent performing? Have girlfriends? Babies? Sophie drunkenly hollers above the music to the guys. I do believe this is her way of finding out if I am available, hell even if I wasnt I would take the chance with Sophie. I hate how she is just openly flirting with each of the band members yet she wont even fucking look my way. Im not standing for this. I need her to look at me with those pretty green eyes. I want the connection we had earlier and I will do just about anything to get it back. So Sophie what about you, do you have anyone significant in your life? If we are swapping stories here lets hear yours. I tried to keep my voice as level as possible but I couldnt hide the snide tone to it. I was rather harsh but she makes me so fucking frustrated. Why the hell wont she give in to her feelings and just let me give her the most pleasurable night of her life. There isnt really anything to tell. Prior to me taking this job I was in a relationship with a guy called Carter, but I ended the relationship to chase my dream. We werent really compatible, we both had different ideals and expectations in regards to our relationship. So Im single and cant honestly wait to start seeing what this tour brings. Maybe I will find a hot man in one of the cities you are touring. Who knows what the future will bring. Sophie gave this big speech but I didnt really take it all in, the only words my brain had processed was single, she was fair game as far as I was concerned. Well none of us have long term girlfriends as you probably guessed. Why the hell would we even entertain that idea when we have sex offered to us on a silver platter. If they are stupid enough to think that they can be the one to tame us and settle down with them then why not take what has been offered. Sophie, I hope you are comfortable with hearing sex happening around you because you are going to hear a hell of a lot of it happening over the next six months. Okay, so I may have taken that a little bit too far but I wanted her to be realising what she is missing. If I dont get Sophie and soon then Im going to have to find another lay, yes, maybe that will get it out of my system.

Oh okay. Well just so you all know Im not exactly a prude so you all go ahead and enjoy yourselves. I know I will when Im not working. Sophie is trying to play mind games with me also. This is so not going the way I had hoped it would. I need a few minutes alone with Sophie to clear up any misunderstandings that may have been misconstrued. Sophie will you walk over here with me a moment? I nod my head over in the direction of the main bedroom. This is the only bedroom in the tour bus and this is reserved specifically for when a band member is fucking a woman. I open the door and allow Sophie to enter first, I may be a bad boy but I have manners. I step inside and close the door. Sophie is standing in the centre of the room with her hands clasped in front of her, good shes nervous. I walk slowly over to where she is standing and just stand in front of her. She wont look at me, her eyes are focussed on something on the floor. This wont do, I need to see her reaction when I tell her what I need to say. I grab her chin between my thumb and forefinger and raise her head up to look me in the eyes. She really is the prettiest thing I have ever seen. She seems to have bewitched me, I cant think of anything other than being buried deep inside her. Look at me Sophie, just look at me a moment and listen very carefully to what Im about to tell you. I put my hand at the nape of her neck and force her to keep looking at me. I bend down to her ear and tell her exactly how things will be between us. Sophie I realise you dont want to jeopardize your position here but really that wouldnt even come close. You make me so damn hard, I need to feel you wrapped around my cock and milk me until I have nothing left. I want to worship your body, I could make us both feel so damn good all you have to do is say the word. I understand your hesitation but baby there doesnt have to be any. Just saying the words and looking at Sophie has me built up with so much desire and need that I think I may just explode in my pants. Look Josh Im attracted to you by fuck I am, but I cant allow myself to take that attraction any further. I cant possibly get involved with a member of the band. If things were to end badly then there is no way I could continue working with you all. Just imagine how awkward everything would become then. Its better if we stay friends rather than risk this all blowing up in our face. I hope you understand where Im coming from. With that she starts to walk past me heading towards the door. I grab her wrist and bring her back against my chest. Now Sophie you listen real good. We will be red hot when we do finally give into our desire for one another and you will eventually. When we fuck I will own you. I will have you screaming my name so loud that you will forget what your own name is. Now understand that. I may have come over a bit domineering but Sophie has to understand the depth of my attraction for her. She looks utterly shocked at my revelation but I can also see the desire and lust in her eyes. She pulls her wrist free and storms out of the room and slams the door closed behind her. I just hope that she sees sense soon. I want to fuck her so bad.

******* Im sitting in the kitchen having a few beers with the guys when my cell phone starts ringing. I pull it out and check the caller I.D. Its our press office. What in the hell could they possibly want? I answer the call acutely aware of the guys eyeing me warily. Yes. I answer curtly. Josh its Maria from the press office. I dont suppose you have had a chance to look at any of the papers today have you? She talks tentatively. What in the hell has happened now? No. I dont bother looking at those damn things; you cant believe a word they print. That and the fact that I worry about what fabricated story has been printed about one of us. Well, both you and Mickey are going to want to look at them. Theres a story been published about the two of you. Maria has a nervous edge to her voice. I can tell she really doesnt want to be having this discussion with me. I run my hands through my hair anxiously anticipating her next words. Go on. The story has been sold by Alicia. Who the fuck is Alicia? And who the hell is Alicia? Im totally clueless, I have no idea who in the hell that is. Im getting odd looks from the others now so I wander down into the corner of the kitchen. Alicia Davidson, your old Fashion Designer. Ringing any bells yet? Oh fucking hell! She cant be serious? If she has taken a story to the papers it can only be about one thing. The shit is about to hit the fan, big time! Shit. Sophie pretends not to be watching my phone conversation but I can feel her eyes boring a hole through me. I cant let my body language give her any clues to the situation Ive found myself in. Josh the story is pretty vivid; it leaves nothing to the imagination. Shes really gone in for the kill. Do you want the details over the phone? Do I really want to hear her twisted spin on the events of that night? I suppose over the phone would be better than face-to-face. Go on then, lets get this over with. I grit my teeth together and await the sordid details. Well firstly she talks about how working with you boys was a dream come true even at her age. She felt an instant attraction towards Mickey and that he was only too willing to indulge her. She goes on to describe a drunken night where Mickey seduced her. I dont mean to sound crass here Josh but she describes the sex as frenzied fucking. I can hear the embarrassment in Marias voice and I cringe at her words. I sigh. I know whats coming next. Go on Maria. I unconsciously run my hands through my hair.

She talks more about the sex with Mickey and how it was nothing like she had ever experienced before. He apparently really knows how to satisfy a lady. There are some more rather rude descriptions of the sexploits but then of course, theres an addition to the story. I knew it! I know what youre going to say but carry on anyway. Fucking.Hell. She said her whole world nearly ended when you walked into the bedroom and started getting involved in the action. Theres some pretty eye opening stuff in this article Josh. Its titled Buried deep with Buried Alive. Not very tasteful but what do you expect? The press office wants to ignore this story Josh, I guess you do too. Yes of course. With that she clicks off the line. Yes, I want to keep this quiet for more than one reason. I have a quick word with Mickey discreetly and we agree to keep this quiet. This kind of story could have an adverse effect on our tour. Something we dont need.

Chapter 4
A few days later I receive a text from my friend Anna. Its lovely to hear from her and is a welcome distraction from work. Anna: You had a look at the newspapers yet babe? X Newspapers, when the hell would I have time to look at those? Me: No why? Whats happening? X I receive a reply almost instantly. Anna is the fastest texter the world has ever seen. Anna: There is a huge front page spread about your men. My eyes nearly fell out of my head when I read it. Mickey and Josh are complete and utter studs!!!!! What in the hell is that girl talking about? Suddenly my phone starts vibrating on my desk. I check the caller I.D and see that its Anna calling. She obviously feels that she has to tell me over the phone rather than texting back and forth. Hello wench. Whats this story that has your panties in a twist? I have to admit when she mentioned that Mickey and Josh were a couple of studs I was intrigued. Holy shit Soph. You are not going to believe this story. I was stunned but Im not afraid to admit it got me a little turned on too. What the hell is she talking about? Annaget on with it. Im dying to know what this big story is. Oh my god Soph the story is about a freaking threesome. Josh, Mickey and the ex-fashion designer. She is one lucky bitch! She had them both at the same time. God, what I wouldnt have done to be in her position. The story reads like a porn movie, I could not believe it. So tell me, have you been lucky enough to be in that delectable position yet? I cant believe what my ears are hearing. Wait, who the hell am I kidding of course I can believe it, Its Mickey and Josh we are talking about. Of course I havent. What the hell do you take me for? Anyway, its been lovely catching up with you again Anna but I really need to get back to work; I have a tight deadline to stick to. Bye. Im in deep thought. Suddenly me denying Josh seems much more important than it did

before. Its quite clear that he is used to getting exactly what he wants. I cant allow that. I have to maintain a professional distance from Josh. I cant allow myself to blur the lines of our working relationship. I catch Josh walking past my office door and I shout out to him to come in here a moment. He eyes me warily but comes in anyway. I tell him to close the door and take a seat. He does so. I heard about the story Josh. I just wanted to offer my support to you and Mickey. Is it true? Im very aware that the tabloids can blow stories way out of proportion so I feel the question is a valid one. I wont lie to you Sophie. Its true, I was completely tanked but that isnt a valid excuse. You are already aware of what kind of person I am so it shouldnt really come as much of a shock. Im a dick and thats the kind of thing I do all the time. So if were done Ill go do something more important with my time. I can only nod my head. Josh gets up walks straight out my office. I really dont understand why he is being so horrible to me. I only want to help him, why cant he see that? Later that day Im sitting in the entertainment room just going through some new designs for some of the tour when Im joined by Tanner. He really is a sweetheart and always makes time to come and talk to me no matter how busy he is. Tanner is one of the most talented drummers that I have ever heard, I know this from sitting in on his jamming sessions. Every time I hear him play Im simply blown away at his raw talent, the speed that he plays at is utterly amazing. I wish I was musically talented. The other guys are talented too but there is just something about Tanners ability to write and play by ear, he blows me away. Hey whatcha doing Soph? You mind if I just sit here and chill with you for a few minutes? Tanner asks playfully. What I love about Tanner is that he never makes any sexual innuendo towards me and I just love that about him. Tanner doesnt need to put on this act with me, I like the real Tanner, not the party guy that is so often seen in the papers. Sure Tanner Im not doing anything too important right now. I dont mind sitting here and chatting with you. Whats up? I know when something is bothering him and today is one of those times. His brow furrows when he is either worried or he is stressed about something. Oh not much Soph just been trying to get some new material down on paper. I have so many new songs and beats in my head Im just trying to get them down for the other guys. Im a little stressed. The poor baby, he really is the musical mastermind behind Buried Alive, he is truly a musical genius. I guess that much pressure on Tanners shoulders must get to him sometimes. Oh honey you have to slow down. Im sure its not all down to you to get the songs written; cant you ask the others to help you? Im worried that you are under so much stress; its not good for you while the tour is going on. Thats going to be hard enough for all of you without

the added pressure of new songs. Tanner is drinking too much as it is, any more pressure and he is going to crack big time. Sophie Ill cope I always do. A little bit of pressure is good for us, thats how I work best. That may be right Tanner but you are already drinking too much. Dont you think thats how addictions start? Whats it going to be next? Drugs? You really dont want to go down that road Tanner. If he starts that shit there will be no going back. The beer just helps take the edge off the stress of me. I have this situation completely in control. Im going to go and get a few minutes shut eye. Catch ya later. Tanner infuriates me, he honestly doesnt think he has a problem and thats exactly why I know that he has one. I just hope that he realises before it is too late. Im now in my design studio working on designs on my laptop for the show. The boys styles are your stereotypical rock image. They like to keep it simple but still maintain their selfprofessed bad boy persona. I think my styles for the guys are spot on, they dont seem to like to vary on tank tops and ripped jeans and they are huge fans of the guy liner. I want to try and have something different about the guys image that is specifically all about them. I have decided that Josh is going to wear aviators on stage; Mickey is going to have a trademark trench coat for the first few songs. Zack will wear a formal shirt but with one arm cut off. Tanner will play drums without a shirt its far too hot for him to be all tarted up. Blaine, well Im going to suggest to him that he consider going topless but with only a bowtie around his neck. That may take a bit of convincing. My head is all over the shop, I cant stop thinking about Joshs whispered words to me a few nights ago. I dont think Im anything special in his eyes, its more a case of he wants what he cant have. Im sure his infatuation with me will end as soon as they start performing on stage and he is surrounded by a bunch of screaming groupies. Yes thats bound to do it, Mickey just jumped at the chance to tell me how often they get offered sex. I cant deny that I dont have feelings for him but what they are I cant be sure. Anyway, I cant explore them that would be a conflict of interest. I have to work with these boys and in a pretty intimate fashion so I have to keep this purely professional. Im interrupted by a loud knock at the door. Its a necessary interruption for me to get my head back in the game. I get up from my workstation and open the door and find Blaine standing in front of me. Just the man I wanted to see; now I can bring up my suggestion of the bow tie. I inwardly laugh; its such a daring move in his image but one I think he could pull off perfectly. Well here we go if you dont ask you dont get. Well Blaine just the man I wanted to see actually, come on in. I have something I want to discuss with you. His eyes light up like a little boys eyes on Christmas morning. Its obvious his idea of something to discuss is very different to mine. Well sweetheart you only had to say the word if you wanted me against the wall, and in your

office too how illicit. I would fuck you anywhere but if you like the cramped style in here Ill get you up against that wall in two seconds flat baby. Oh dear god what is it with these men are they that horny that they would tap anything. Its a wonder I can breathe on this bus with the choking levels of testosterone everywhere. Well its a great ego booster that so many hot men are willing to get hot and sweaty with me. No Blaine I do not wish to get intimate with you. Im glad you popped in though because I want to talk to you about your stage image. I want to alter it slightly, something that I think will appeal to the audience and it will enhance your masculinity. Just those two words audience and masculinity should really be the deal breaker here. Blaine will do anything to increase his chances of getting laid, it seems that he is constantly fighting to get the girls; it seems most of the groupies only want Mickey and Josh. Poor Blaine. Stop thinking about Josh and his desperate, skanky groupies. Just the thought of him making love to some other woman has me boiling with rage and jealousy, an emotion that Im not too familiar with. Well if this is strictly professional then the guys should be here, especially if it is do with the stage appearance. I know Mickey will want to have a say on this. Ill go and fetch the fuckers and then we can get down to business. Oh crap surrounded by the full group of sex fiends, I was hoping to deal with each of them separately. Its so much easier to bat them off if theres only one trying to get in my pants. Oh, Blaine what did you actually come in here for? Im assuming it wasnt to talk shop? The fact that he just turned up out of the blue doesnt sit well with me. Theres no way he came round simply to talk about what he would be wearing during the live sets. Oh well I just came round to see if I could persuade you to get on that table, spread eagled whilst I fuck you into next week. Its a long drive to our first destination and it can get boring, not to mention lonely. I just thought we could spice up the journey by having you screaming my name. These guys are fucking unbelievable. Any opportunity and they take it, what makes them think that I would fuck anyone of them? Dont lie to yourself; you know you would take Josh any way you could get him. Snap the fuck out of it now Sophie. Blaine just go and fetch the others and make it quick I have a lot of work to be getting on with. I cant hide the annoyance in my voice, mainly due to my own lack of self-control when I think about Josh. Maybe I should hook up with someone on our first stop perhaps that would get this whole thing out of my system. Yeah right keep dreaming! A few moments later and the rest of the band walk in and form a very intimidating circle around me. They are a hard force to be reckoned with. Each and every one of them is good looking in their own way but a way that the groupies cant seem to resist. It suddenly occurs to me that the guys seem to deal with the fame game particularly well. Not one has mentioned

that they find the whole stalking issue hard to deal with, nor do they moan about every aspect of their lives being available to the media to scrutinize for the whole world to see. I think I would find that aspect of their lives very hard to cope with, especially if they are involved in a kiss and tell. I can only imagine the hurt that that would cause their families back home. I suddenly feel a strong sense of admiration for the guys putting themselves out there for their passion. Okay guys I initially just wanted to speak to Blaine to put forward a suggestion that may work to his advantage. It is a drastic change and something that I know Blaine himself would never think of but like I said I know it will enhance his fan base and he might just like it. I give the band a few moments to take in what I have said. Im trying my utmost to keep this all professional but with Josh in the room with me Im finding it increasingly hard to breathe. I look up at him to see his reaction but he wont look at me. Great, Im going to have to put his image change to him. Talk about awkward. Well beautiful fire ahead Im all for enhancing our image and I would say that the band has needed to address this for a while. Our image has been the same since 2006. Its time to shake things up a bit, I reckon. Oh well Mickey is giving it the go ahead in theory just wait till he hears what I am suggesting. Okay Blaine Im suggesting we lose the shirt on stage. I want to see you banging that bass in just a pair of low riding blue jeans. Im trying to ease him into my suggestion slowly. I really dont want him to just dismiss the idea altogether. Fuck yes I can do that. You pussies are going to be crying your fucking eyes out when the chicks see my hard body and offer me their pussies on a silver platter. It was nice knowing you losers. Oh dear poor Blaine isnt going to like the next detail Im going to throw into the mix. Blaine could you do me one small favour right now and take your top off please. I glance sideways to Josh and his fists are clenched at his sides. Is this affecting him more than I could of dared believe? Am I more than a potential fuck? No, I wont let myself believe that, he has a reputation for fucking then ditching. I wont let myself be hurt that way. I have more respect for myself. Oh baby you only had to ask, you know that. Blaine flashes me a very cocky grin as he starts yanking his top off over his head. Just fucking watch your mouth Blaine. Everyone simultaneously turns their heads towards the voice of Josh. The anger coming from Josh is palpable, what the hell is his game? Blaine is his friend. Look lets all just calm down and get back to the matter in hand. I quickly diffuse the situation and get back to examining Blaines naked torso. He has a perfectly defined torso, perfect six pack and pecs all covered in only what I could call works of art. His tattoos are beautiful, one perfectly positioned across his pecs which says Find a place inside where

theres joy, and the joy will burn out the pain. I wonder to myself what that pain could possibly be. Is there a broken boy underneath the bravado and bad boy act? Hey Sophie if you keep eying me like you want to eat me then I will happily oblige right this minute. I dont care if we do have an audience it only turns me on more. Oh Blaine cut the fucking crap. Blaine this is only half of your new image. You have a very appealing body, I admit it but I dont want to sleep with you. I want this on stage but I want you to wear nothing else on your top half except a single black bow tie. Im met with a very serious look from Blaine. My god have I actually rendered him speechless? When I think that nobody is actually going to speak to me the room is filled with unrelenting laughter. Ok, so not the reaction I was actually going for. Why cant these guys be serious for once in their lives? Are you fucking shitting me Sophie? Jeans, no top and a black bow tie around my neck. Everyone is going to think I have turned into a fucking pussy. The media will eat me alive for that. Im deadly serious. I think it would be a good look for you. Look how sexy that is. I place the bow tie around his neck and he does look like he can rock it. Hold up Blaine. I think you can do this. Yes, its different but we arent a conventional band so lets go with that thought and run with it. Well Im glad that someone is on the same wavelength as me, though I didnt think it would be Mickey that would agree with me. Great so thats one of you sorted out then. Thank you Blaine for having some trust in me, I promise you wont regret it. God I hope this job isnt going to be like working with a bunch of divas. ********* I managed to get the boys to stock the fridge full of healthy food so that I can at least make a decent meal. I dont know how they thought they could get by living off of chips and beer. I demanded that the guys went grocery shopping with me when we stopped to pick up some girlie basics. There is no way in hell I can live off of what they eat on a daily basis. They must have the constitution of an ox! The grocery shopping trip was interesting to say the least. I pushed the shopping cart around the store surrounded by a bunch of rock stars disguised in sun shades and baseball caps. Little did they realise that they were making themselves more noticeable with their half assed attempt at disguises. As we wander through the aisles putting in all the necessary supplies we are going to need over the next few days, I war with the boys over every little item. I joke with Tanner over his need to find the biggest banana on the shelf. Aww come on Sophie. I know you like the big

ones. The bigger the better, isnt that what they always say, size matters? I roll my eyes at Tanners childlike behaviour. Tanner clutches his stomach in laughter at his own joke. Ive filled the cart with a variety of healthy food which should keep us going for a few days. Least now I can feed the boys on a better diet than chips and beer. We make our way down to the personal care department and I happen to glance at Josh slyly as I laugh with the others. He has his arms crossed over his chest and is rolling his eyes at the scene playing out in front of him. He obviously doesnt approve of my banter with his band mates. To hell if I care he can stand back like a sullen child and pout his bottom lip if he wants. I really dont understand his hot and cold act. Im snapped out of my day dream by Mickey. He halts the cart in front of the shelf with the various packets of condoms on display. Just stop there sweet thing. Mickey cracks his knuckles as he weighs up the packaging in front of him. He glances at me seductively and smirks a panty dropping smile. He wiggles his eyebrows at me; I just roll my eyes at him. Sophie whats your favourite flavour? You a strawberry girl or good old banana? Yeah and like Im ever going to suck your cock Mickey! Tanner has collapsed on the floor at the mere mention of banana again. She wants the banana. She wants the fucking banana. I try hard not to but I laugh in spite of myself. Tanners laugh is infectious especially when he snorts like a damn pig. Banana it is then. With that Mickey throws in the packet with a smug grin lighting up his face. God, give me strength! Mickey pays for the goods and the boys help carry the bags back to the bus. They can be gentlemen when they want. Once inside again I unpack and put the groceries away. Hopefully when I get a decent meal into me I will feel less bloated. Im sitting directly across from Josh and I have Blaine and Tanner on either side of me. It is Mexican night apparently and I made Enchiladas and they are actually very good if I do say so myself. Everyone is laughing and joking about some night in a bar a few weeks ago that led to Blaine puking all over some random girls dress. Now that was something that I would of paid to see, and it didnt stop him from getting laid that night by the very same girl he had just puked over. Blaine seems to have all the luck with the ladies, he is a serious cutie. As I finish up my meal and take a large sip of water I lock eyes with Josh across the table. I decide to play Josh at his own little flirting game, he thinks he can affect me; well buster two can play at that game. I scrape my plate of the remaining enchilada and put the fork in my mouth and suck on it seductively. Joshs eyes almost fall right out of his head as he pays close attention to my sucking movements on the fork. I moan a little for some added effect and Josh shifts a little on his chair. Josh goes from having his hands and elbows up on the table to on his lap to back on the table again and I know my actions are having the desired effect. When it looks like Josh

can handle no more his hands fall back upon his crotch and he visibly alters himself under the table. Oh yes, the son of a bitch is as hard as an iron rod I can bet. I pick up my plate, Blaines and Tanners and I take it over to the sink and start to wash up. I smirk at myself knowing just how excited I had just got him. God I felt so empowered, I could get used to it. As I wash the plates, all the boys head on into the entertainment room and Im left alone, alone except for Josh that is. When Josh is absolutely sure that we are on our own he heads on over to the sink and cages me in with his hands to the counter. This action has me building up a raging inferno. The guy just seems to push all my buttons and he isnt even touching me, yet. Oh sweet little Sophie did you enjoy your little game, huh? Did you wish that that fork was my cock? Did you imagine what it would feel like to have me fucking your mouth? Would you like that? Josh bends down and starts inhaling my hair which sends shivers all the way down my spine. I try to act all innocent. I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about Josh. I dont think my innocent act is washing with Josh at all though. Oh arent you a pretty little liar. Theres ways we can fix that. Josh pushes forward with his hips and now Im completely pressed against the counter. Josh starts dry humping me and boy oh boy am I getting hot and bothered. His dry humping becomes more vigorous and his cock is already starting to get hard again. If he doesnt stop what he is doing Im going to end up throwing my resolve out the window and asking him to fuck me right here in the kitchen. I quickly grab the dish towel and dry my hands. I turn around swiftly and Im now toe to toe with Josh. I place my hands on the hardness of Joshs pecs and gently push him so that he backs off. He reluctantly does so and smirks an arrogant smile. What an arrogant son of a bitch! Josh dont be a naughty little boy now. You could not handle me even on your best day. I throw back the same smirk he just gave me and saunter off towards the bathroom to take my daily bath. Game 1-0 to Sophie.

Josh Im still in Sophies office waiting to be told what new look Im to be sporting; the thought of her dressing me has a certain appeal. I dont know if the guys realise that I like Sophie because they have all deserted us. Usually I have to fight with Mickey for every girl that I want. Seems to be a competition going on between us on who can get sex the most often. Every girl in America wanted one night with us, although many wanted to be the one to tame us into a one woman guy. Now that wasnt going to happen anytime soon. So why the hell has Sophie turned my head full tilt? Is it because she actually genuinely cares? She was quite clearly worried about me when the story broke about the threesome with Alicia. I couldnt bear to see the look of worry etched on her face so I bailed. Like I always do. I have wanted girls before, hell I usually get laid three or four times a week but Im always detached towards them afterwards. Sex is an unemotional transaction for me and I prefer it that way. Sophie on the other hand has me considering wanting sex with her on more than one occasion. I stand directly in front of Sophie and I stroke her cheek with the palm of my hand. This has Sophie breathing a little harsher than before, her cheeks are now flushed and she cant take her eyes away from my lips. It pleases me that she is affected by me. I edge her up against the filing cabinet in her office and stroke her hair reverentially. She really is beautiful. So Sophie have you thought any more about giving into me? I want her to honestly think about what it would be like. Us coming together would be earthshattering. Im not bragging or anything but I can make a woman feel pretty damn good about herself. Josh this is madness, I cant sleep with you. How on earth would we be able to work together after a one night stand? It would be plain awkward. Sophie really does have a point but I refuse to acknowledge the awkwardness until afterwards. I will cross that bridge when I get to it. Usually, I would be totally keeping away from her due to the work situation but I just cant seem to help myself. Sophie is breathing in choppy breaths now and I know she is having an internal battle with herself. Josh lets just keep this friendly, huh? I dont think thats going to be possible Sophie. I grip her thigh and lift it up and wrap it around my waist. I inch closer to her and can instantly feel the heat radiate straight from her core. Sophie drops her head back against the filing cabinet and she grabs my hair roughly urging me on to give her more contact. I kiss the side of her neck and lick right up to her ear. I nibble gently on her ear lobe. She squeals in delight which makes me smirk at how I could manipulate her body in pleasure. I rub my hand up and down her thigh and she darts her tongue out to lick her lips and that action alone has my cock twitching in anticipation.

I grab Sophies ass firmly and lift her up, she wraps both her legs around my waist and I lick her nipples through her very thin blouse. She is very aroused and I can feel myself losing control with her. I lay her against the door and rub my body up against her core roughly. She is now writhing against my body for more and I happily oblige. Just when I think Im going to get her off we are interrupted by her cell phone ringing. Sophie unwraps her legs from around me and stands back on the floor and quickly sorts her clothing out. I can see she is ashamed that she let herself get this worked up. I make a quick exit out of the door and leave Sophie to sort through whatever business she needs to. I take a few moments to calm the fuck down. I came pretty close to ripping off every shred of clothing that Sophie had on her and claiming her. I could feel the passion building up in me and in that moment I dont think that Sophie would have stopped me from swiping everything off her desk and laying her out on it. I have never felt such a strong desire to be inside of someone, it was completely consuming me. Once I feel like I have calmed down a fraction, I go back into Sophies office to finish off the professional business that was meant to have been carried out before I lost control of my body. I slip into the chair that is facing Sophies desk and relax myself. Its hard to remain neutral in her presence but Im going to have to at least try. Im in a world of my own when I hear Sophie calling my name. Josh are you with me? Josh? Sophies sweet voice that sounds like honey brings me back to the moment. I really have to stop staring at her; this attraction is frying my brain. Im either going to have to make a serious move to getting her in bed or I need to find a way to forget about her. Fuck that, there is no way I can forget about her. My dreams are plagued by the feel of her soft body against me, giving her every pleasure that I can. I want to hear her climax, watch the expression on her face when she cant take anymore. Yes Sophie Im completely here but I wish we both were somewhere else. However, what is it that you wish to change about me onstage? Im trying my fucking hardest to maintain a professional decorum like she wished. I want to throw decorum by the wayside and lick her out against the wall, I want to smell her and drive her wild with longing until she begs me to stop. I can feel the stirrings of an erection and I have to quickly think of something to get it back under control. Thats right cold water, think of that, and yep thats done the trick. Okay Josh thank you for being professional about all of this. You know its the best way. Anyway, what I was thinking about for you onstage was adding a little accessory. I already really like your look on stage from the pictures I have been provided with. Oh you like my look do you? Its just clothes baby, whats important is whats underneath them. Im flirting with her but I cant help myself, just seeing her surprised look at my words was all the encouragement I needed. I like to see her flustered and helpless under my gaze, but I will tone it down for now whilst she is working. Despite my flirtatious attempts to get her into bed I will respect her desire to succeed in her career. I really admire that in a woman, someone who has goals and ambitions and god I want her to succeed; I want to be around her

for as long as possible. Please dont Josh, you know we cant act on our feelings for each other. Its only an attraction it will soon die down. Im pretty sure you have been attracted to someone before. Im just a novelty, just wait until the shows are up and running then you will have your little groupies trying to get all over you. If I wasnt mistaken I would take that as jealousy. She does want me, she just isnt willing to give in to me yet, but she will. Sophie I cant help myself you know that. I will tone it down whilst you are working but Im not going to deny that I want you. And Ill continue to want you until you give in and give us what we both want. Its going to happen Sophie, sooner or later it will happen and its going to be amazing between us. Every time you look at me I can see the pure unadulterated lust in your beautiful green eyes. Sophies breathing has increased and she has a beautiful flush on her face. She wants it as much as I do but she is a damn stubborn woman. Oh, Josh you have no fucking idea how much I want you. There Ive said it now, are you happy! Sophie shouts at the top of her voice and I know the other guys would have heard her outburst. The declaration makes me happy but I know she still isnt going to give in anytime soon. I know Sophie but its killing me staying away from you. Whats the change you want to make then? I can at least try to keep it professional though its killing me. I want you to add a pair of aviators to your stage get-up, how would you feel about that. I love the guy liner and everything about the jeans and tanks but I think the aviators would give you the rock star edge. I love Sophies ideas and Im going to stand out with that look. Its these kind of ideas that will have us coming to the forefront of the Rock world. She has amazing ideas and drawings that will hopefully increase our success. She is simply amazing. I agree to Sophies ideas and Im dismissed, no doubt she is needing some space to calm down after our revelations to one another. Shes not the only one; I need to calm the hell down too. She seems to awaken emotions in me that I thought I had buried a long time ago. Okay fuckface you want to come and practise the riffs and solos for Tear it down? Typical of Tony to add it to the show at the very last minute. Zack, the rhythm guitarist is one of the most talented guitarists I have had the honour to play with. He is literally my best friend in the band and we seem to gel off of each others creativity. Im proud to say we write all our material for the musical compositions of our tracks. Mickey writes the lyrics and between us we have come up with some shit hot songs. Sure Zack lets do that, I need a distraction anyway. Pounding the riffs on my guitar will get my mind off the issue that is Sophie. This is the way I always deal with stress, my guitar is my best friend, and it lets me beat the shit out of it with no complaints. We go into the empty entertainment room and set up our instruments. It feels good to have my

baby back out again. Zack starts off with an introductory riff which he plays to perfection. His talent is raw and extremely special, something that doesnt happen very often, he has a rare gift. I start my lead part and I seem to be struggling to get up to the tempo of the song. Okay, so its a much faster song than the majority of our pieces but I have nailed it before without a problem, so what the fuck is wrong with me now? Wow dude what the fuck happened there? That wasnt even the most complex part? Get your head in the game; we will be performing tomorrow, we need to nail this before then. I know Zachs right and I know exactly what has my head in such a spin, Sophie. I have to try and find a way of tuning out my feelings for her during this tour. Our whole future depends on the success of it. Your right Zack, come on lets do it again. Ill fucking nail it this time. And we do. Zack has the riffs down to a fucking fine art and I hit the solo with military precision. Im back and the song sounds awesome. I hope the fans like this new material. We spent the whole of last summer holed up in the mountains writing the new record. Our diehard fans will love the new direction we have taken. We have evolved into a band that is pure metal. Our guitars are grungier and Mickeys singing is stronger. This new direction could really be the making of us. Bring on the tour we are ready for you!!

Chapter 5
We have another stop for a couple of hours and a group decision is made to go to the mall for an afternoon of shopping. Josh dragged his damn heels over this decision too. Who knows what is wrong with that man, blowing hot and cold all the time now. He doesnt want to spend the time talking to me unless hes turning up the flirting, but then he doesnt want the others to have a good time with me either. I shake my head; the boy fucks with my head plenty. We head into the mall, excited to be off the bus for a while. I stay close by Tanner and Blaine. Tanner puts his arm round my shoulder and keeps me close, almost protectively. I feel comfortable and at ease around Tanner. I can talk to him easily and dont have to take a step back to work out if he is trying to fuck with my head. No, interaction with Tanner is so easy its effortless. Josh storms off into a music store. I must say his theatrics are pretty impressive. We agreed to meet at the entrance to the mall in approximately an hour, so I wander the mall with Tanner and Blaine. They help me pick out outfits and shoes to add to my ever expanding collection. Blaine really cracks me up. We are in Victorias secret and every hot blonde that walks past him has his tongue hanging out of his mouth. I stare at him incredulously. What? She was damn hot. You cant expect me to come into a lingerie store and not check out the goods. He motions to his chest making a rude gesture with his hands indicating the womans chest that just walked past. He points his thumb in the direction of the blonde for Tanners benefit. Nice. Tanner whistles appreciatively. I glance over at the drummer and shake my head, the guy is a sight. He has placed one of the blue bras on over his shirt and stuck a thong on. He is prancing around in the undergarments like a damn fool. He has attracted quite the audience due to his antics. He bends over in a mock gesture of seduction and grabs his ass whilst pouting. He flutters his eyelashes and whispers hoarsely, does my ass look big in this? Blaine is in fits and I have to admit Tanner is pretty damn funny. Security is instantly at our side and Tanner quickly whips off his underwear and throws them in the security guards face. We make a run for it. I soon catch up with Tanner and Blaine and we walk down towards the mall entrance to meet with Mickey, Zack and Josh. Before we are able to get further than a few yards in front of us we become accosted with female fans. They are screaming at the top of their voices for autographs and photos with Blaine and Tanner. I actually cant believe how these fans are getting right in the boys faces. Give them a little breathing room! One fan gets right up in Tanners personal space. The little brunette shoves a piece of paper and

a pen right into his face. Who in the hell does she think she is? Sign your autograph Tanner. I love you Tanner, I want your babies. Woaw there lady, getting a bit personal there arent we? Tanner and Blaine exchange looks obviously creeped out by the forward fan. I can see the other boys making their way towards us but I know in this instant I have to try and diffuse the situation quickly. Look love, dont you think thats a little unnecessary. Tanner really doesnt want to hear that kind of thing, ok. He will sign his autograph for you if you can control yourself for a few minutes. I nod at Tanner to just sign it so we can get on our way. And who the fuck are you? Ive never seen you before and I follow everything about Buried Alive. Who the hell are you? The little bitch gets right up in my face. She is damn feral. Well, she can back the fuck off of me. I have to think on my feet. Im Tanners girlfriend. I dont appreciate you getting up in either my face or Tanners personal space so I suggest you take your autograph and back the hell away. If you dont I will personally have security move your psychotic little ass off the premises. She tosses her hair over her shoulder and storms off. That will teach her! We are joined by the other boys and they exchange puzzled glances with Tanner and Blaine. I throw Tanner a sweet smile silently letting him know Ive got his back. He returns my smile and wraps me up in a bear hug. Josh watches intently, a puzzled expression plastered across his features. Whats going on here, Blaine? A fan got a little too personal with Tanner. She was telling Tanner she wanted his babies. Our hero here jumped to Tanners aid and told the little groupie that she was his girlfriend. She really stood up to her. Im proud of her; shes turning into one of us. Blaine rewards me with a hug of his own. I was only protecting the boys. I wont have someone trying to get their pound of flesh. Josh simply nods his head but you can see he is in deep thought. Josh wont look me in the eyes. Suppose I cant please everyone. We all make our way back to the bus before we are accosted some more by the fans. Never a dull moment in the presence of Buried Alive. ***** Two nights later things change, but not for the better. I head into the bathroom and start pouring hot water into the luxurious tub and add my lavender oil to the mix. Its unbelievable how hot and sweaty it can get on a bus full of guys. They like to treat themselves to a couple of showers every day. The tub is full of bubbles and steamy hot water so I start to rid my body of my clothing. I always treasure this time of night when I get the opportunity to wash away the stresses of my job and the day in general. I didnt

realise just how tiring this job would become. Im constantly on the go from actually styling the guys outfits to taking measurements of them. I dont really have a minute to myself. Oh and to top it all off every time I have to work with the boys they seem to find it impossible to keep their damn hands to themselves. Usually this would have me wanting to rip their balls off of their bodies, but for some reason the vibe here is very different. It feels more like a family. A family yes, until I come to think of Josh. There is no way the feelings I have toward Josh could constitute anything closely resembling a family connection. Theres something about him, its almost like I can see through to his soul. I know theres something deeper to him but what that is I cant fathom. I want to know him better; I want to know his deepest, darkest secrets, what makes Josh, Josh? I shake myself out of my day dream and realise Im still standing in the middle of the bathroom completely naked. I step into the tub and relax down into the hot water and relax, rinsing all my cares away. Im momentarily interrupted by a soft knock on the door. God cant a girl have any privacy around here at all? This happens every fucking night, if its not Blaine needing to have a slash its Josh using the excuse he needs one just so that he can stare unashamedly at my naked body. Come in and you had better make it quick. Im not here to be ogled at every night. I really hope the novelty wears off soon for them. Its not as if they havent seen a naked girl before, in fact I could place a bet that they have seen hundreds between them all. Sorry Sophie I really didnt mean to disturb you. I can come back later when you are finished if you like. Tanner says with a stagger and his eyes are glazed over. I havent really had many dealings with Tanner yet but I would say that boy needs help; I have barely seen him sober the last week I have been here. He constantly has a beer attached to his hand or something stronger and I really worry for him. Surely with this tour its only bound to get worse for him? He will have more access to drink and drugs and I worry that he has an addictive personality. I really hope the guys look after him better. No Tanner come on in, do you have business to take care of? Even if he doesnt I will happily sit here and chat with him. I think Tanner has some inner demons that he has never exorcised and turns to alcohol to help him deal, maybe he just needs a friend that isnt essentially a band member. I just want to help him. No Sophie I just had to get out of there for a few minutes. Would you mind if I just sat on the floor here for a while and chatted with you? The look on his face has me nearly in tears. The poor guy is so hurt but he doesnt seem to open up to the others. If I can be a supportive friend to him then I will. Tanner whats going on with you, huh? I want him to tell me, there has to be a reason why he drinks so much and parties all the time. Ive had the opportunity to examine a few

photographs that have been in the tabloids online. In every photo that was at my disposal, Tanner has not been sober in one of them. Why is that? Its more than having a good time anyway. Nothing Sophie Im just enjoying myself, you only live once after all. His eyes are in a faraway place. He isnt in this room with me; he is somewhere else, perhaps back to a time when he was hurt. Cut the crap Tanner its me youre talking to. The guys might let you off with it but I sure as hell wont. Whether you believe it or not I care about you, I care what happens to you and if you carry on with this self-destructive behaviour its going to finish you. Tanner, you will end up in a box six feet under. Tell me, is that what you want? I honestly didnt mean to be so hard on him but hell the guy looks a mess. Tough love and all that. Sophie you would never believe whats gone on in my past and neither would I want anyone to have to listen to it. Only I should have to live with whats gone on and my guilt is my punishment. Please leave it, just be my friend. Please? Tanner has tears welling up but quickly swipes them away with his tattooed hand. Just the look on his face has my heart breaking into a thousand pieces. Why wont he take my help? I can just see the worst thing happening to that boy and theres not a damn thing I can do about it. Oh, Tanner what the hell am I going to do with you? With that said Tanner gets up off the floor and walks over to the side of the tub and wraps me up in a breath taking hug, I can feel every ounce of pain that he is suffering. If he would just talk to me then we could work some way out of it between the two of us. My heart hurts for him. Sophie dont say anything to the guys they think I am just a hard-core party goer. Im fine dont worry about me. And before I have time to process his words he is gone back to chill out with the lads. Just as Tanner has disappeared I start to relax again. I hear the bathroom door close slowly and the lock being put on the catch. I turn around and see Josh smiling at me with one of his heart stopping smiles. It takes me a moment before I can catch my breath at his rugged handsomeness. Sorry baby had to come in and take a slash you know how it is. Oh I know how it is alright. Every night he comes in here to take a piss just when I happen to be in the tub. Im just about to speak to him when he undoes his fly and pulls out his cock. He usually does that discreetly whilst Im in the bath but no, this time he doesnt feel the need to hide it. Im pretty sure that my expression speaks for itself. My mouth is wide open and Im pretty sure Im drooling at the sight of his love gun. He is freaking massive and I really dont know how the hell that is going to fit inside anything. I swallow back my surprise. He holds it with such a fierce possessiveness. I know in this instant that he knows exactly what he is doing in the bedroom department. I cant stop staring at his

cock, I find myself licking my lips in anticipation at how good that would feel inside of me. Im also drawn to his lips and find myself wondering what it would be like to kiss him, to run my hands through his silky hair. I want to run my hands over every inch of his beautiful tattoos. Sophie, pull yourself together now, come on. Awww baby if you really wanna test the goods you know where the heck Im at. Just that comment alone has doused my arousal for him. Why the heck does he have to make it sound so crude? I have strong feelings for him yet he always has to go ahead and cheapen the moment. He looks at me with such lust and then bang he is back to being the cocky, arrogant Josh again. For crying out loud Josh why the hell do you do that every time. Just when I think we are getting along just fine you have to go and ruin it all to hell! That is the second time in two days that I have raised my voice to Josh, something I dont do very often. Josh just seems to make me more passionate and angry. Im not sure which annoys me more. Oh Sophie Im sorry, please dont be angry with me. Look, what can I do to make it up to you? Do you want a drink? Bless him, he really doesnt like to get me worked up and upset. Its one of the things I love about him. Wait, did I just say love him? Crap. No I dont want a drink Josh. No, definitely not, there is far too much drinking going on about here. I know, I will wash your hair for you. It will relax you baby. Let me do this for you, okay? I hope he manages to do this small task without trying to make it sexual. Although I dont really want him to touch me because I just know that it will awaken the sexual desire that I feel for him again. I just cant seem to control it at all and it is starting to overrule me now. Okay Josh you can wash my hair but I mean it, none of your funny shit otherwise I will put a stop to it right away, got it? Would I? Yes you bloody well would. Any excuse with Josh just to touch me. His touch just seems to send an electric current running throughout my body; it puts every nerve ending onto red alert. I have never had a man affect me like that, its frightening. Yes mister I think you would. He smiles his gorgeous smile once again and I can almost feel my heart stop for a moment. Why does he keep doing this to me? That smile alone could get my panties off. Okay beautiful just lie back and relax. And I do. I close my eyes and drift with the soothing feel of the showerhead spraying warm water all over my head. This is what I have been needing. My stress levels have been hitting the roof the last few days. Mainly because the guys first gig is tomorrow night and I have been working pretty much non-stop. Its been hard

going but I think its all taken care of now. Just going to put in the shampoo now gorgeous. The endearment isnt lost on me; he can actually be very sweet when he wants to be. As Josh massages the shampoo into my hair I cant help but let out a small guttural moan. Josh halts his hands mid massage and I wonder what I have done to stop his ministrations. Everything okay Josh? Sophie I wont be in a minute if you dont stop that moan from your lips. His hands are so big and masculine and his fingers. God his fingers. I can feel the rough edge to them, no doubt from playing the guitar for so long. Josh works his way down to the nape of my neck and the action sends heat pooling in-between my legs. Josh doesnt know it but that is one of my erogenous zones. I have to get him to move his hands back up to the top of my head otherwise I will be coming pretty soon, and thats one thing I dont want Josh to see yet. Um, Josh could you please just work on the top of my head please. You working on my nape makes me a little turned on and I dont want to go there. Im embarrassed to admit it to him. I know that he will love that little bit of information, no doubt he will retain it for further reference. Oh, well little Sophie does get affected by me, who would of thought it? The sarcastic bastard. He just loves making me insane with need. Im really struggling to keep a hold of my control when Im around him, all those little hip bumps, accidental touches and secret smiles have been chipping away at my control bit by bit. Attraction is too tame a word for what I feel for you. There I have admitted how much I am drawn to him. Unlike his little groupies Im attracted to the man not the image, not the music. I like the person underneath that tough exterior and boy, he is one hell of a man. Im really struggling to understand why people can be so vain as to think the guys would be interested in girls that only want them for their fame and money. If I so much as see a little skanky groupie hurt any one of these guys she will have me to contend with. I consider them family and I will fucking rip their cheap little hair extensions right out of their scalp. Ha who would have guessed that I was the violent type! Sophie wont you reconsider how this is going to go down? I really want you. Josh kneels right beside me next to the tub and gazes adoringly at me. I really want to fuck you. Your pussy is like a siren, it keeps on calling me. He grabs my hand and places it upon his crotch. He is as hard as stone and I can feel my mouth begin to water. Let me give you this pleasure. Lets get this thing out of our system. Josh moves up to his feet and brushes down his jeans and lays the sweetest kiss on my

forehead before turning to leave the bathroom. Not so fast buster! I feel something much stronger than lust for him, but right now I want nothing more than to experience a connection with him. Okay Josh. What was left of my self control has evaporated. Okay? Really? Josh seems incredulous. Yes please fuck me Josh. I cant believe Im saying this. You wont regret this baby. Oh, I have a feeling I will. I feel something for Josh on an emotional level, I know its not returned but, I will take him whatever way I can get him. Oh, Sophie we are going to be awesome together just you wait and see. Im going to fuck you so damn hard you will forget your own damn name. With that Josh lifts me straight out of the tub and places me on my feet gently. He admires my body, taking every single curve in and smiling lasciviously making his intent perfectly clear. He places both his hands on either side of my face and gently strokes my cheekbones. It suggests something a little more than lust but I put it to the back of my mind. So damn beautiful. Josh says this whilst looking into my eyes and I cant help but be drawn into his stunning brown ones, smooth like chocolate. Out of nowhere his mouth is on mine and my legs almost give out at the intense contact. All the while, Josh keeps a firm grip of my shoulders whilst seeking an entrance into my mouth. I willingly open to him and our tongues meet for the first time and its the most intense kiss I have ever experienced in my sexual history. The kiss gets more intense and vicious and I reach up and grab his hair with a full fist and pull hard but Josh doesnt miss a beat. We both pull apart at the same moment. Both of us must look equally as shocked at the intensity of our passion for one another. I must look a state, Im bound to have bruised lips and lust filled eyes but right now I dont care. Wow. Josh utters the word but looks deep in thought. Just when I think he is going to take me, he pulls away from me and grabs my robe. He wraps it around me reverentially and kisses me on the forehead once more. Just as I thought we were finally getting intimate after me dismissing the issue of my job, he turns away from me and walks out of the bathroom with not another word.

Chapter 6
I had to get out of that bathroom after that fucking kiss. It was explosive. Her lips tasted so damn soft and full. I could feel her melting under my touch and it took everything inside of me not to pick her up and have my way with her against the wall. I have kissed literally thousands of girls and bedded pretty much the same but I have never in all my life felt anything like that. The pure intensity of it has me wanting to explode in my pants; I never thought it was possible to nearly come just from a kiss. A kiss, fuck it felt more than that, that is exactly the reason why I had to get out of that bathroom as soon as possible. I couldnt fucking breathe, what the hell am I getting involved with here? I want her but Im so confused about my feelings about everything. I have never been the type of guy that wants to cuddle after fucking. I fuck until I orgasm then I either leave them or I chuck the girl out. I sound like a complete douche, but hell I cant deal with that kind of deep emotional bearing of the souls, its just too personal. Sex has never been anything more than a means to an end for me. I blame my fucking mother for me having that outlook. She was a heartless bitch that never showed me one ounce of love and now I have turned into the one thing that I never wanted to become, a detached and soulless prick. I head back into the entertainment room and pour myself a large bourbon to try and calm myself down. How could I have not noticed the signs, this is more than an attraction that Im feeling for Sophie. I really dont want to admit it, but I think Im falling for her and hard. That is exactly the reason why I cant let it go any further. Fuck I sound like a damned hypocrite. I fucking chased her and hounded her until she admitted she felt something for me and now Im the one backing away from her! I rake my hands through my longish hair and brace myself against the wall. The only thing that I will end up doing to Sophie is hurting her. One way or another I will break her fucking heart into a million different pieces and there will be no way she would be able to repair it. Im hurting myself in the process but Sophie is my main concern. I dont know how Im going to be able to stomach seeing her being touched by another man but Im doing it for her. The last thing I want to see is Sophie heartbroken and ruined for other men. I notice that Mickey is still up and watching me curiously. Of all the guys to have watched my meltdown of sorts, it had to be Mickey. Mickey and I have a love/hate relationship, I love him he hates me. He hates me for taking a one night stand away from him a year ago. Seriously, that dude needs to lighten up. Its not as if the one nighter would have even led to anything. Mickey just fucks then leaves, I just happened to do it first. I could totally understand it if I had took his girlfriend. In fact, I think I did the guy a favour she was a shit lay. She had absolutely no idea what the hell she was doing. I would actually doubt if she was over

nineteen. Yet he still wont let the subject drop. Hes like a god damned woman bitching 24/7 about the one that got away. Please, give me a fucking break. Well Josh looks like you are getting pretty flustered over little Sophie, aint ya? Mickey says sardonically and I have to grit my teeth together to stop me from lashing out at him. This is one woman he can keep his grubby hands off of. It is besides the point that Im not claiming Sophie for myself, but I will step into the seventh circle of hell before I let Mickey have her. Mickey, go fuck yourself. Words cant actually express how amazing Sophie is, none of us deserve her. Sophie deserves the very best of everything and not one of us here can give her that. It looks to me that you are very attracted to her Joshie boy. Maybe you even have strong feelings for her. Am I right? Because if I am then I just may be inclined to make your little union harder for you to achieve. I will never forget what you did to me last year. I get on with it for the bands sake but you my friend, your card is marked. Who the fuck does he think he is talking to? She was a fucking skank; you couldnt even put her in the same room as Sophie let alone breathe the same air as her. Mickey, I so wouldnt go there if I were you. Dont you even dare tread on my toes with Sophie; you have no idea what Im feeling for her. I cant breathe when Im away from her but still I was the bigger man and have decided to leave her alone. Im not what she needs. She may think I am but in the end Ill end up hurting her just like I hurt everyone else. She doesnt need the likes of us fucking up her life. The thought of doing this tears me apart. I really want her but what would be the use. I would rather I was miserable than Sophie. She deserves so much better. You have suddenly decided that you dont want to chase after Sophie anymore, so in my book that means that shes fair game to the rest of us, right? Just remember Josh if youre having a go at Sophie then Im totally getting a piece too. Whats yours is mine and whats mine is yours. Isnt that how it worked the last time? Im going to claim that sweet ass of hers. Mickey smirks knowingly. I want to knock his teeth down his throat. That tight fucking body would just be amazing straddling my cock while I pound into her. Can you just imagine her little expressions as I drive her wild with every stroke, while she rakes her fingernails all over my body. You heard her shes a sucker for bad boys; Ill let her suck a bad boy if she really wants. Thats it I cant take any more of his bullshit. If I see him even so much as touch a hair on Sophies head Mickey and I are going to have a problem. I swear to god Mickey you lay one hand on her and Ill beat the shit out of you. I edge up to stand face to face with Mickey so that he is under no illusion about the seriousness of this situation. Sorry pretty boy, you dont intimidate me and that is exactly what I intend to do. Whats more Im going to do it whilst you are in the tour bus; Im going to make her scream so hard

the whole bus will hear it. With a smug grin he starts to walk away from me, but there is no way in hell that this is over. I grab him by the shirt and yank him back to face me. I make no bones about my intentions. You.will.not.touch.Sophie. if I see you even so much as look at her this is over, done. You will be in the nearest medical facility with your ass handed to you. Im very mad right now and Im a hairsbreadth away from losing it completely. Game. On. Mickey is goading me and its all it takes for me to lose it. With a snarl from deep within my chest I pounce on him and start viciously beating him. I land blow after blow to his face watching his much loved aviator sunglasses fly from his face. This makes me laugh inwardly at his shocked expression. Yeah you were not expecting that, cocksucker. I keep landing the punches until suddenly I feel a hand grab a fistful of my t-shirt. I spin around only to see Sophie grab me; I immediately soften at her solemn features. The last thing I want to do is upset her so I drag my sorry ass away from Mickeys rigid body and stand to face her. Mickey rubs his bloodied face with the palm of his hand and curses at the blood. You fucking moron, look at the state of me. Mickey is seething with rage and it takes all my control not to jump back on top of him and finish off the job. Josh leave him alone. He is a douche that is looking to pick fights, dont rise to the bait. Sophie speaks sense but he just got me so damn angry. I would happily knock his teeth straight down his damn throat. Charming, dont you realise Im hurt, Sophie. Maybe you should kiss it better for me. I spin my head around fiercely to face him ready to go at it again. Sophie places her hand on my cheek and challenges me to look into her eyes. It hurts to do so. Dont worry your face will heal. I dont know what has exactly gone on between you and Josh but stop picking fights with him. I know Josh wouldnt have hurt you if you didnt deserve it. Sophie says sardonically without actually looking at Mickey. I just hope to hell that she didnt actually hear the exchange. Already I can see the hurt and pain in her eyes, the one thing I didnt want to do, I have already done. She let her guard down and I stamped all over her heart. It doesnt matter if it was intentional or not.

Sophie I really cant be sure what is going through Joshs head right now. One minute he is burning up in flames with his lust and passion for me, the next minute he is rejecting me and starting a fight with Mickey. Why would he even do that? I thought the band was tight and nothing could come between them, so what was that scene out there that I had to break up? I hope theres not something deeper going on between them because I know for a fact that they couldnt have been fighting about me. Could they? The scene that transpired in the bathroom between Josh and I has me totally confused. For days now he has been flirting with me, sharing seductive glances across the room, bumping hips when no one was looking and even some very sweet gestures like helping me take my make up off at night. He has really proven to me that he can be sweet and almost loving when the mood strikes him. Im beginning to think that there is a hidden depth to Joshs character that not many people have had the privilege of seeing. I want to know more about the man behind the image. I know that something has happened in his past to make him closed off to the world. He has such a fuck the world attitude. Something is very amiss with him. Its almost like he doesnt know how to trust anyone, and it hurts me to think of him hurting in some way. When I was sitting in the tub and Josh walk flashed me one of his pantie dropping smiles, my heart felt happy even though I have the ever present issue of my job hanging over our attraction. I felt ready to try and act upon what I was feeling for him. For a stupid minute I thought that I was going to throw my reservations to the side for a few minutes of pure pleasure with Josh. What a fool I have been. How could I be so crazy to think that he would want me even for a quick fuck against the bathroom wall? He had me exactly where he wanted me and I let him see exactly how much I needed him. Then he just got up and walked out, leaving me bereft and wanting. What a moron!! I sat in the bathroom for the longest time, wrapping my arms around myself wondering just how I was going to be able to face Josh again. I felt humiliated and used. I could have accepted it if only I wasnt starting to fall in love with him. I guess this is my punishment for dumping Carter and leaving him undoubtedly heartbroken. Carter was a really nice guy, he never left me feeling used or humiliated after a sexual encounter. He was a kind lover and always made sure I came first. He treated me with the utmost respect, but at the end of the day I wanted something more. I want explosive sex with a man I cant live one minute without. I want him to dominate me, to love me and cherish me and be my sexual equal. I felt I could have had that with Josh, but alas it was not to be. Just when I was feeling strong enough to head out of the bathroom I heard a scuffle and glass shattering against the hardwood floor. I open the door gingerly unsure of what Im about to find in the entertainment room. I cant hear the words that are being exchanged between Mickey and Josh but its clear to see that the two of them are fighting. I become very agitated that their scuffle could have been due to me. The last thing I want to do is come between two friends that are in a band together. As I stride over to the room and barge my way in. I can feel

my own anger and a palpable rage bubbles up through me. Josh is absolutely pummelling Mickey and I make an immediate decision to pull him off of Mickey before he really hurts him, or worse. The last thing I need is for Josh to kill Mickey. Although Josh hurt me there back in the bathroom, I care very deeply about him and what happens to him. I grab him gently but with enough force so that he is forced to look back to see who is demanding his attention. The look in his eyes catches me totally off guard once more. There is something more hidden deep within those beautiful brown eyes but I cant place it right now. Immediately I see Josh looking down into Mickeys eyes and he makes the conscious effort to pull himself away from him. It took a great sense of will to do that and Im very proud of him for it. As he stands to face me it suddenly occurs to me that I have forgiven him for his behaviour in the bathroom. Forgiven not forgotten. I place my hand on his face and gently stroke it, silently conveying the message that Im here for him, for anything. There is so much hurt in Joshs eyes and I just wish to hell he would open up to me, least then I might be able to help him. I glance down at his knuckles and realise he has some pretty deep cuts and the bruising has already started to turn his hand an angry shade of purple. I stroke his hands and he flinches at the contact. He has hurt himself pretty badly and will need cleaned up as soon as possible. I lead Josh by the wrist into the kitchen so that I can get his hands cleaned. Josh sits on the stool by the breakfast bar whilst I try and locate the first aid kit. Its on the top shelf of that cupboard. Josh points to a large cupboard on the right and I can hear the solemn tone to his voice. I reach up into the cupboard and grab the offending first aid kit and bring it to sit on the breakfast bar. I open it up and grab the antiseptic spray, some gauge, a bandage, surgical scissors and some tape. Josh come and run your hand under the tap so we can get it clean. I stare at Josh awaiting his response but I dont get one. Josh, we need to wash your hand to get it clean, come on now. Still nothing, what the hell is going on in that head of his? I walk around the breakfast bar and grab him by his chin and forcibly turn his head towards me. Josh get your ass over to that sink now and lets get your hand washed, its a bloody mess. This time he seems to take in what I have been saying to him. Okay Sophie. I lead him over to the sink all the while never taking my eyes off him. Theres something so off about this picture and its not just the bloody hand. I carefully take his right hand and put it under the constant stream of cold water; I dont want it to get infected. Josh grits his teeth at the pain and I really feel sorry for him.

Fuck Sophie, are you trying to fucking kill me? That hurts. I almost laugh at his bottom lip pouting. He really is just a little boy underneath the whole bad boy act. Oh Josh you did it to yourself, but that doesnt mean I dont care. I finish up washing his hand and pat it gently with a towel that was lying beside the sink. It looks much better already but it will need to be covered to prevent any further damage. I really dont know if he will be able to play guitar tomorrow night. I know you care Sophie; I think its that that is killing me. He bows his head and looks to the floor. What a stubborn man, cant he see what is in front of his face. I drag his sorry ass back over to his stool and put both my hands on his shoulders and force him to sit. I set about dressing his hand and trying hard not to pay any attention to the elephant in the room. I spray antiseptic spray on his wound and he nearly shoots right out of his chair. Oh the poor baby! I apply some antiseptic cream and wrap it up with some gauge and tape it down. I complete my nurse maid job by wrapping his whole hand in a tight bandage. That will give it the best chance of healing enough for Josh to perform tomorrow night. Now try and not get involved in any more fights and you might just be able to play tomorrow night. Oh Shit Sophie. What will I do if its not? You had just better pray that you are able to. Now get yourself off to bed. Its going to be a long day tomorrow for all of us. With that Josh walks slowly out of the kitchen and down the corridor to the cabins, gently clutching his hand.

Chapter 7
I wake with a god awful pain in both my head and my hand and it takes a few moments for me to remember exactly what the hell happened last night. The headache came from the bourbon and the pain in my hand from smashing up Mickeys face. That was a total duff move but he totally goaded me into doing it. Of course, this would be the perfect opportunity for him to get back at me, the one and only time that I fall for a girl and that douche decides that he wants to take a pop at her. He can take any woman that happens to make a move on me during the tour but he has to leave Sophie alone. She is the only one keeping me sane right now. Just thinking about Sophie has me hurting inside. The look of tenderness when she pulled me off Mickey near damn well broke my own heart. I just hope she can find it in her heart to forgive me; for once I had put someones feelings before my own. I rake my hands through my hair whilst looking up at the cabin above me; its pretty quiet, the other guys must already be up. I feel like shit but I have to get my crap together and prepare for the onslaught of today, our first gig in San Diego. I swing my legs out of my cabin and I rest my arms on my thighs and bow my head and quietly contemplate just how Im going to convince Sophie that all I want to be is friends. In reality my body is craving her badly. I also have the issue of whether Im going to be able to play guitar tonight, if its not one thing its another. I really dont do things by halves! I walk past the kitchen and the entertainment room and head straight to the bathroom. I really cant talk to anyone right now. I have to get my head straight first. I close the door to the bathroom and its as if being in here again is some kind of trigger to remind me of the way I behaved last night. I can almost see the scene flashing back in front of me. That kiss was by far the most intense connection I have ever felt and that is exactly the reason why I retreated. God the feel of her lips on mine, I got hard in 0.5 seconds. Anyone I have ever been close to in my life has either hurt me or left me and in the end I always revert to form and hurt someone that I didnt intend to. I refuse to be the person that destroys Sophie; I will not break her heart. Just as Im protecting Sophie from me, Im also protecting her from Mickey. Over my dead body does he get his grubby little hands on her. If I cant have her then no one else in the band is getting her either. Im a selfish bastard! I shower slowly and rinse away the emotional turmoil of yesterday. Todays a new day and Im going to make damn sure that I dont repeat any of those mistakes. I step out of the shower and wrap a towel around my hips and stare at the creature looking back at me in the mirror. When did I get so closed off, why cant I just lead a healthy life? I would love a family and a wife but I just know that that just isnt in my future; I really dont deserve those kinds of

things. When I look in the mirror all I can see is this emotionless man. My eyes are the only thing that gives off the hurt I have experienced. My childhood was quite simply traumatic and painful and it is that experience that has inspired a lot of my tattoos. I have a child angel tattooed on my shoulder blade which signifies my dead childhood. Ha I never even really had one, kind of ironic, huh? There are many more all over my body. It has become something of an obsession and Im now running out of skin to get anymore. I have left a small space on my wrist for a special woman that may come along though. Really who am I kidding, that special woman has already come along! I walk out of the bathroom and walk chest first straight into Sophie. Her hands land on my pecs and it sends a pleasurable shiver through my body. This is exactly what Im up against. I grit my teeth and try and act like the contact didnt just light me up. Sorry Sophie, now if you dont mind I need to go and get dressed. I say nonchantly without smiling. Being like this is eating me up but its for the best. I really should have listened to her in the first place. Look Josh I dont know what happened yesterday but if it helps I wasnt freaked out by what happened. In fact I really enjoyed it. You were right it was amazing and you knew all along we would be great, didnt you? She is biting her bottom fucking lip and its taking everything not to grab her head and push her down to her knees so she can take care of the ache in my cock. Why the hell is she so fucking beautiful? Look Sophie. Look at me. What happened between us will never happen again. What did happen was a complete lack of judgement on my part; I wont allow it to happen again. You and me can never be what you want us to be. You were going to be nothing more than a convenient fuck Sophie. Im on a bus with a bunch of guys and you are the only woman around for miles. I thought why the hell not fuck her brains out. Dont mistake it for feelings of love or even that I care about you. You mean absolutely nothing to me. Now Im going to go and get dressed. Got to look good for tonight, who knows what women will be vying for my attention. I quickly step past Sophie before my face cracks and she sees through the complete and utter bullshit that I just spun her. I really didnt mean to be so damn mean to her but once I started spinning the lie I just couldnt stop adding to it. What a fucking douche. You said you didnt want to hurt her? What the fuck was that? If that wasnt hurting her then god knows what is. You have put the final nail in the coffin now! You can forget about her wanting to be your friend. I grab a pair of blue jeans and a tank and head back to the bathroom to change. On my way to the bathroom I have to walk past Sophies office and I can hear her sobbing her little heart out.

My heart hurts so bad for her. I think its breaking piece by piece for her. If I was ever unsure of how Sophie felt about me, I have my answer right there. Im a bastard. I lock myself in the bathroom and get dressed quickly not really feeling any of the enthusiasm for the tour now. Its going to be very painful living on the bus with Sophie and not even being able to sneak little touches when no one is looking. I cant even watch her while she works. Whats worse is the interaction that we have to be subjected to in her line of duty. Sophie really wasnt kidding when she said she didnt want to get involved with me when it could interfere with work. Conflict of interest, Sophie wasnt fucking kidding! I head out of the bathroom and walk into the kitchen to grab myself a bite to eat. I look in the fridge and find myself the OJ and settle for that. I start to take a large mouthful when Im launched into the fridge front first by a force from behind me. What the fuck?! it momentarily winds me and I turn around straight into the fist of Blaine. I brace myself against the breakfast bar and stare down into Blaines angry eyes. His jaw is twitching, a sure fire sign he is pissed. What the fuck have you done to Sophie you son of a bitch?

Sophie I am sitting on the floor of my office as the memory of Joshs hurtful words come back to haunt me. How could he be so damn cruel? We had a connection I just know it, the one man that I have actually fallen for and he decides to destroy me so completely. So for a stupid idiotic minute I thought that we could actually disregard my worries about my job and just give into our attraction. How stupid could I really be? This is exactly the reason I dont do love. All love causes is a broken heart and leaving you torn and broken and unsure if whether you really want to trust or love ever again. I was totally blindsided on this one. For crying out loud it was Josh that chased me all the way! I should of just stuck to my gut instinct and told him no. But oh no Sophie you just couldnt do that, could you? Josh will come out of this pretty damn well, me on the other hand, well this could well destroy my faith in love forever. I glance up to see a figure standing beside me. Blaine is standing in front of me in nothing but his plain white boxers. I didnt even hear him come in. I feel totally underdressed and vulnerable being in here with one of Joshs band mates. I look a state and Blaine looks so well put together for just being up out of bed. The realisation only makes me cry again. Oh, Sophie what on earth is wrong with you, baby? His soothing tone has me wanting to scream. I really dont need his sympathy or his pity, all I want is for Josh to realise how much his words hurt. Look Blaine, I really appreciate your concern but its not something I would feel very comfortable discussing with you. Thats the crux of the issue. Everything I say to Blaine would go directly back to Josh. Hell, he might have even sent Blaine in here to check up on me and to report back on how heartbroken he really made me. Fucking Sadist!! Sophie you can discuss anything with me. You are like a sister to me. I will not stand for it if someone has hurt you. God Blaine really does have a hidden side, what a caring, beautiful guy he really is. He should show it more often rather than being crass all the time. Oh Blaine, if I do tell you, you have to promise not to take it back to the others. Please, you guys are all too involved and I will not be the cause of you all falling out. Promise me. Sophie I promise. Hell what is it; you are starting to scare me now. Bless his heart. Pity I didnt feel anything for Blaine, he has a heart of gold unlike his guitar playing douche mate. Joshs heart is as black as the devils. That son of a bitch is so selfish.

Okay, okay Sophie calm down, hes not worth your tears or your anger. Im sorry Blaine I didnt mean to scare you. For the first time in my life I have had my heart well and truly broken. I have been in relationships where there was no from me. Every time I dissolved the relationship I always hurt the guy. I really seem to have got it down to a fine art, but now Im finally getting what was coming to me all along. I never knew what it was like to have someone completely rip out your heart from your chest while it was still beating. I must look so pathetic opening myself up to Blaine like this. Like the little girl I am I sink down to the floor and cross my legs, letting the despair seep through my bones. Oh baby, is this about you and Josh or do you really have a relationship going on back home? Oh sweet, innocent and also very clueless Blaine. If only this was to do with a relationship going on back home. Blaine its nothing that is or has ever happened back home. No one has affected me quite like Josh has. Blaine, I think I have been a complete and utter fool. My pride hurts just as much as my heart does. Look Sophie, just tell me, maybe between the two of us we can work out the best way to fix things. I burst out into a hysterical laugh that quickly turns into a heart wretching sob. This makes me angry because deep down I know that I shouldnt feel like this about someone I have known less than a month. Blaine, I have fallen hard and fast for Josh. I thought that he had feelings for me but it turns out that I was nothing but a potential fuck. I say the last part using my two index fingers indicating that those where his words. Did he say those words? Blaine seems to be angered from what I have just said and I suddenly want to take back what I said. Look Blaine just forget about it, you dont have to be concerned about me. Im nothing to you guys all I am is Sophie the fashion stylist to you boys. As soon as this tour is over, our association will be over too. Im just a stupid little girl to think that perhaps me and Josh may have had the chance at a shot of something more. Look Sophie I dont know what exactly has gone on between you two but the way he looks at you every time you walk into the room speaks for itself. His eyes light up and the stupid dick cant stop grinning. I think you should start at the beginning and tell me how it all led to this, and what got you into such a state. Your pretty face is all blotchy, I much prefer pretty Sophie. That gets my first genuine smile of the morning. I take a deep breath and get ready to tell the story. No doubt it will have me crying again by the end of it. Well, I think everyone knows that Josh and I are attracted to one another. I have been

rejecting his advances up until last night. I felt I had to maintain some kind of professionalism whilst we are living and working together. I thought it was the best thing for all concerned. For what its worth Sophie, we all noticed that Josh wanted you but we all thought he was acting very different around you. Yes, he wanted you but it wasnt like how he was when he was aiming to fuck a groupie. Blaine rubs his temples as though he is totally confused by the whole situation. Well of course he is going to have acted differently Blaine. He can get whatever he wants from a groupie but I was making it very difficult for him. Those groupies are the bain of my life. Jumped up little skanks! Okay, Okay Im jealous; there I have admitted it to myself. Watch out Sophie you almost sounded jealous there. Blaine said with a cocky little grin on his face. Maybe a little, Blaine. Okay Sophie so I want to know exactly what went down last night. Come on spill. Well I had better get this over and done with. I was in the tub last night and in walks Josh to apparently take a slash. He offers to do something nice for me so I let him wash my hair, it was really lovely. He was very gentle and caring and not at all like the bad boy he has led me to believe exists. I think thats why I was willing to give into my emotions and desires. We got quite hot and heavy and he lifted me out of the tub and placed me back on the floor. For the first time we kissed and Blaine, no word of a lie it was simply heart stopping. The passion in it had me turning into a puddle. He felt it too I know he did so when we finally pulled away from each other I thought that we would take the next step and sleep with one another. That wasnt to be though. He wrapped me in my gown and just walked right out of the bathroom, he left me feeling empty and very hurt. The story still has me wanting to cry like a banshee. It hurts my heart to see his face walk away from me. Sophie I really dont understand why he would do that. I know you are different to him. It just doesnt make any sense. So where does him saying you were just a potential fuck come in to it? Poor Blaine looks completely clueless, its cute. Blaine I ran into him this morning and he simply said to me that, what happened between us will never happen again. What did happen was a complete lack of judgement on his part; he wont allow it to happen again. Josh and I can never be what I want us to be. I was going to be nothing more than a convenient fuck. He is on a bus with a bunch of guys and Im the only woman around for miles so he thought why the hell not fuck her brains out. I wasnt to make

the mistake of thinking it was feelings of love or even that he cares about me. I mean absolutely nothing to him. I remember the hurtful speech word for word. Im going to fucking kill him! Blaine storms out of the office and Im left to consider how to deal with the events that will transpire today.

Chapter 8
What the fuck Blaine? Im thrown off my feet and Blaine is holding me down by the shoulders with his right arm pulled back ready to beat the shit out of me if I dont comply with his requests. Looks like I have really blown it this time. Im a total screw up but even I know I have hurt Sophie beyond repair, and I fucking hate myself for it. I seriously just want to fuck her senseless. I think Blaine can see the conflict in my eyes and eases up off of me. I run both my hands through my hair and sigh at the great fucking mess I have made. If only I could get past the whole trust thing then maybe I could give my attraction to Sophie a proper chance at flourishing into something wonderful. Who the fuck am I kidding? I have completely blown it now. She wont want to be near me, not after breaking her heart without a second thought. Get the fuck up and sit on the god damned chair, you and I are going to have a little chat. Blaine means business and I have no option but to do exactly what he says. Blaine is a very good friend and I dont need him on my back. The disappointment in his eyes is upsetting to witness. I pull myself up off the cold hardwood floor and wander around to the stool beside the breakfast bar that Blaine is motioning me towards. I really could do without the pep talk today; we have so much other shit going on, what with our first gig in our tour being tonight Right dumbass, do you want to try and explain what the fuck you think you are playing at? What the hell is wrong with you? Blaine has pure rage in his eyes. He is pissed for sure. I can tell Im not going to get off with this lightly. I have no idea what you are talking about, Blaine. I say matter of factly. Dont fucking start youre innocent bullshit with me, Josh. I know and you know exactly what you have done. Why Sophie, huh? What the hell has she ever done to you? You are constantly playing with that poor girls feelings blowing hot and cold with her all the time. She is too good for you and you know it. Aint that the truth. She is too good for me and she is an amazing girl but I think the damage is done, nothing I say to her now can ever repair it. Not that I am going to let Blaine know what Im feeling any time soon. Blaine, you dont know shit man. As for blowing hot and cold with her I have no idea what you mean. Maybe if I stick with this tactic of not having a clue what he is on about he will leave me the hell alone to work this fucked up situation out by myself. The only person you are fooling here is yourself, Josh. Sophie told me what you did and god only knows what is stopping me from beating the crap out of you right now. Why did you say those words to her? You know and I know it was complete and utter bullshit, so why the hell

would you hurt her like that? She is an amazing girl and doesnt deserve to be treated that way. He is right, she is amazing and beautiful and so much more than any other girl I have known. I still dont get why she affects me so much. No other girl has ever made me feel this way. I usually just fuck and leave. The end. Im Josh Cairns for crying out loud, that is what I do. I dont do feelings! Blaine, I Cut the crap Josh before you even start. Blaine cut me off, this guy sure is on a mission to put me in my place. I told you the innocent shit wont work with me. I know you, I know what you are like with other women and Im also damn sure that Sophie is so different to anyone else you have been with. Weve been friends for a long time and I probably know you better than you know yourself. I see the way you are around her. You are different, any other girl and you would have had them thrown in the bedroom and screaming youre name within minutes but not Sophie, why is that? If I am right about the way you are feeling, which I suspect I am why the hell did you tell her she would just be a convenient fuck? Youve hurt her bad man. Blaine stopped and just stared, waiting for the truth. I am busted. Fuck. Well here we go do or die. I have known Blaine like forever and he is not stupid I know I cant lie any more to him than I can to myself any more. Blaine, you are right she is so different. I just love being around her. She just sees me, Josh. Not Josh Cairns, bad boy rocker and overall man whore. I am just a regular guy to her. Well I was, now I am just a regular asshole. I sighed, bowing my head in shame. This life we are living I wouldnt change it for the world but we are public property, these fucking people think that they own us, that they have every right to touch us, demand photos every goddam minute and groupies who are so focussed on fucking us so they can run to the papers to have their fifteen minutes of fame. I love the music dont get me wrong, its my passion. I couldnt live without it but its just a game to these morons. They dont fucking care that we are actually people, its all about fame and money to them. Thats what I love about Sophie, she has such high morals and wouldnt just give in to me the first moment we met and she is not interested in the money or the fame. She wants me for me. Plus theres so much chemistry between us it fucking kills me. Being honest felt good. I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Blaine just sat there wide eyed, he knew that I had it bad but the look on his face said he didnt know it was this bad. Wow, Josh I.. He was cut off suddenly when Mickey stormed in the room. Well aint this fucking sweet. Did Josh tell you how he tried to break my face last night? He wants to get that temper under check. I have to keep my good looks for my sex hungry fans you know. He also needs to keep that woman of his on a tight leash. If he doesnt you never know where the little girl may stray to.

You keep your fucking mouth closed about Sophie. She would never be interested in you. Fuck knows where you have been! Same place as you Josh or have you forgotten about that? Mickey there is nothing that you can tell Sophie now that would make a blind bit of difference. I have fucked up with her and it was due to my own stupidity, so go ahead and do your worst. She cant hate me any more than I hate myself. Mickey is now standing toe to toe with me and Im faced with the results of last night. He has a pretty impressive black eye. Oh Josh I intend to do my worst all right. Make no mistake about it. She will end up in my bed before the end of the tour and I cant wait to see how much it destroys you. I can feel the anger bubble up within me and just as I contemplate giving him another black eye to match Blaine intervenes. You two need to cut this shit out. Our future depends on the success of this tour. If we are all fighting we wont get anywhere. Now shake hands and get over it. Mickey gives me his hand to shake and I do so grudgingly, this is far from over and both of us know it. Mickey wont rest until he gets what he wants and I wont rest until I finally have Sophie in my arms. He makes me so angry; its not as if he even has feelings for Sophie. Sophie I spend a lifetime in the shower trying to rid my body of the humiliation that I suffered last night. I let the warm stream of hot water soak down my body. The water leaves a hot impression upon my body and I find myself wishing that it was Joshs touch. Although I have only had the pleasure of his touch during accidental brushes and THAT kiss, I feel myself craving for it even more. I want him with every fibre of my being. I may be opening myself up for more pain and heart break but I cant help myself. I know he doesnt want me now but I cant just turn off my feelings like a tap. He obviously didnt feel anything for me at any time, I feel like such a fool. I get out of the shower and get dressed for the long day ahead. I throw on a pair of my cotton black professional pants and a business like white shirt. I have to work very closely with the boys today as they get ready for night one in San Diego. The bus took its time getting here. We had several stops along the way and enjoyed the sunshine for a while. We got to see some of the sights. We were all sick of being stuck in the bus and the boys had a few days off before the first show. As for Blaine, that guy is worth his weight in gold. Never did he take sides whilst I cried my eyes out in front of him. He didnt dismiss me and take sides with Josh, no he sat with me whilst I told my pathetic little story. When all was said and done he rose to my defence and confronted Josh about the whole thing, not that it made a blind bit of difference. Josh still didnt come and apologise for his actions so I just assumed that that was his true feelings

coming out. It still doesnt help me any. I head into my office and get the wardrobes sorted for this evening. The outfits are looking amazing. Despite the situation between Josh and I, I still want him to do well. I hope that his hand is strong enough to perform tonight. Today is going to be just frantic but least it will keep my mind off of the issue that is my attraction to Josh. Unfortunately nothing has died down for me in that department. I head into the kitchen at lunchtime and prepare myself a cheese sandwich and pour myself a glass of orange juice. I settle down at the breakfast bar and start eating when Im joined by Tanner and Zack. To be honest its a welcome distraction from both Mickey and Josh. When those two are in the same room there are just too many clashes of the ego. Yes, Zack and Tanner are a refreshing change and they both treat me with the utmost respect. Well Tanner how are you feeling this afternoon? Excited for tonight? I fumble with my sandwich while I speak to Tanner. I dont feel remotely hungry now. Erm yea need a few beers before I wake up though. Will you see if there are any in the fridge Sophie? I cant believe he wants a beer this early in the day. The guy is going to drink himself into an early grave, and it seems our talk has just gone on deaf ears. Tanner Im not looking in the fridge for beers for you. Its barely lunchtime and you want to start drinking? This really has to stop, I care too much to sit back and watch you drink yourself into oblivion. Sophie its no big deal Ive told you, its just a few beers here and there, no biggie. Ill go and see if there are any in the fridge, dont worry your pretty little head. That statement alone has my body shaking with rage; I will not allow him to do this. I get up off my stool and race to the huge silver fridge before Tanner can get there. I know he has a problem from the pure look of desperation that is on his face, I dont let it deter me though. I swing open the fridge door and find the crate of beer that Tanner was referring to. I pull it out and place it on the counter beside the sink. Zack has now bounded behind us and is holding Tanner back. Look Tanner mate you know you have a problem, lets let Sophie help you, yeah? Im glad that Zack is trying to help me here. The problem is only going to spiral out of control if he doesnt get some help and quick. I open the crate and pull each can of beer out of the pack and start opening each one. I then start the job of pouring each one down the sink; I will not allow alcohol to destroy one hell of a drummer. If I can do something to help him then by damned Ill do it. I dont care if it puts me into his bad books from now until the end of time. He is looking down a destructive path and I just wont allow it. After I finish pouring the last beer down the sink I turn around to face Tanner, who has the glummest look plastered upon his face. The look of realisation

etched on face hurts my heart. Its the look of him finally realising that he has a problem. Tanner Im doing it to help you not punish you. I have been watching videos online of the band and I can honestly say with my hand on my heart that you are one of the most talented drummers this world has ever seen. Please dont ruin it. You are so damned talented and like I said before I dont want to see you lying in a box. Just get your shit together or so help me, I wont be responsible for my actions. I want to cry so hard for him but at the end of the day he has to realise just how big a problem he actually has. Tanner fights against Zack and storms off into the private bedroom and slams the door closed behind him. I really do worry about that boy. Its 3pm and the weather is glorious. The show is scheduled to start at 7pm and Im frantically trying to get everything sorted in time for the boys first show. Sometime later Im interrupted by a sharp knock at the door; I open the door to one of the roadies. Hey Sophie Im here to start taking all the guys gear into the arena, you wanna point me in the right direction of the stuff. Ill take it down to their dressing room. Well I guess its time to get my game face on, its time to do action. Right no problem. I suddenly realise I have no idea what the guys name is. Bill. Just call me Bill all the other guys do. Great Bill, everything is over there on the hangers. Everything is labelled for each guy. Ill make my way into the arena in a few minutes. I need a few minutes to compose myself before Im thrown into the madness that will undoubtedly ensue. This is our first night and I just know the after party is going to be the killer. Am I going to be able to watch as cheap little whores throw themselves at Josh. I thought that I would be able to turn my emotions off and just throw myself into the rock lifestyle like the others seem to do, but I just dont know if Im going to be able to. Cool Sophie just give Trev a shout when you want escorted over, the rabid fans have already started to queue outside for entry. Its best you dont go out there alone, you really will need a chaperone. What the hell? Im sure I can walk the few feet into the arena without needing a big bad bodyguard watching out for me. Look Bill I appreciate it but Im sure I will manage to walk the short distance into the arena. After all the fans are going to be much more interested in looking out for the guys rather than a silly little stylist. Dont you believe it Sophie. Youve made the news. Some fans dont like such a new member to the team especially a woman. I would much prefer you to be escorted by Trev that way I know you will get there safely.

What the fuck is it coming to? If only it was true that I was a threat. Josh made it very clear that he didnt want me and that he would be on the lookout for someone to catch his eye. His words still cut like a knife.

Chapter 9
I stand pacing my dressing room willing myself to get amped up for our first gig of our first US tour. I have just showered with the other guys and we are all standing in the shared dressing room dressed in nothing but towels. I discuss some of the more complicated riffs with Zack and we talk about the best way to tackle them whilst Mickey does his show boating on stage. Im very excited, but fuck I just cant take my mind off of Sophie either. I heard about the incident where she poured all Tanners beer down the sink and I totally admire her actions. Tanner has had a problem for a while now. None of us have really noticed it; I suppose its been mounting up bit by bit over the months. We all like to party, its the kind of lifestyle that we are all involved in. It just started off being a few beers here and there but it has gradually developed to numerous beers and numerous shots before gigs. Now Tanner has started to snort drugs before each gig to get into his high zone. I hate it, Tanner can do so much better than drugs. He is one of the most talented drummers on the face of this planet. To see him destroy himself with that filth has me worrying for his health both physically and mentally. He has been in the bathroom a long time and I know exactly what he is doing, but right now I cant do anything about it. Im snapped out of my reverie by the bathroom door slamming shut. Tanner is back in the room with us but to be honest you wouldnt think it. He is completely out of his skull. His eyes are glazed over and he is so high and excitable its just freaking crazy. He is dancing all over the dressing room playing an imaginary drumbeat with his fingers. Hes play fighting with Blaine but you can see that Blaine is also worried. For a bunch of twenty-five year old guys we arent too reckless with our bodies, the exception being Tanner. As the weeks have progressed he is becoming more agitated and I cant help but wonder if something has triggered the increase in his drug taking? There is a small knock on the main door to the dressing room and Mickey walks over to answer it. He is greeted by a very business-like Sophie. Obviously she is trying to create distance from the Sophie of that night in the bathroom and the one that is here to work. Well beautiful come on in, always a pleasure to see your sexy body manipulate ours. Mickey throws Sophie a devilish smile and it has me wanting to smash every one of his teeth down his fucking throat. Right Mickey enough of the sweet talk Im here to get down to business and I dont appreciate your tone. Haha score one to Sophie. Take that dickwad! Alright Sugar no need to get your panties in a twist. On second thoughts if theyre that

twisted I will happily take them off for you. Mickey winks at Sophie and it takes me all my power to seem nonchalant. Mickey has his pick of them yet he decides to chance his hand at the woman I want more than air itself. Right guys, I know the roadies brought over the clothing that we decided on. Sophie walks over to the hangers in the corner of the room. I have to admit myself that Sophie has done a stellar job of putting together our outfits for this gig. She is very talented at what she does. Okay everything seems to be here, now you can all go ahead and get dressed and I wish you all the best of luck for tonights show. I know you will all do great. I have the utmost faith in you all. Sophie aims the last part of the sentence to both me and Tanner. I know exactly why she aimed it at Tanner but why the hell would she direct that statement to me? After everything I have done she still has faith in me to do my job well. Does she still have feelings for me? If she does, she is hiding them pretty well. Mickey and the guys take their respective clothing into the communal shower room but I stay in the dressing room with Sophie. She stands in the middle of the dressing room and just glares at me. Good, this is affecting her. She folds her arms over her ample breasts and stares me down. Oh baby there is no way you can out stare me! I drop the towel completely and Sophie stands there completely gobsmacked by my brazen actions. I dont make any advance on her or let her know that I still want her. I still know Im not good enough for her, but I still want to be on her mind every minute of the day purely for selfish reasons. Im a cruel prick. Sophies cheeks flush a beautiful shade of pink and I know she is thinking about me right now. I wonder if she is thinking about what she would like me to do to her, wondering how explosive the sex would be between us. I know the sex would be pretty damn special judging by how powerful that kiss was. It even shook me to my very core. I turn my back on her and allow her the luxury of examining my powerful back which is covered in a massive tribal tattoo; I just know that will get her going. I bend down and pick up my boxer briefs and slip them on covering the main weapon, that should make her feel a little more comfortable. You know Josh you are the one that called time on this whole thing. Yet you feel the need to bare all to me, now why is that? I admitted to you that I do have feelings for you, so Im guessing that its some sort of cruel tactic to keep me from looking elsewhere for a bit of sexual contact. Sophie slumps her shoulders and sighs aloud at the situation that is facing us both. Sophie has hit it right on the head. There is no way that I want her to even look at another man that way. I cant have her yet I dont want any other man to have her either. Just what kind of douche am I turning out to be? I slip on my torn blue jeans, a pair of socks and my trademark white tank top. I slip on my heavy boots. I turn to face Sophie who has a very sorrowful look upon her stunning face.

God how I imagine her mouth wrapped around my shaft with her big beautiful green eyes looking up at me. Snap the fuck out of it Josh. For fuck sake man! Im hurting her but I just cant seem to stop myself. Oh Sophie Darling can you not get over little old Josh? I know Im a big deal and all the chicks long for one more night with me but youre just going to have to shake your obsession with me. Move on sweetheart. What a complete and utter dick. I hate how Im making her feel but she really doesnt need to get involved with a fuck up like me. The look on her face is complete devastation. She must have been hoping that I might have changed my mind. I have gone and fucked with her head once again. The moment is interrupted by the guys joining us once again. Mickey is looking between the two of us obviously trying to weigh up exactly what just happened between us. He must notice Sophies expression because he has a wolfish grin etched across his face. He walks past the boys and puts an arm around Sophies shoulders and gently pats her head. I honestly thought that Sophie would push him away but I see her inch her head onto Mickeys heavily tattooed arm and she closes her eyes. The pain that is soaring through my chest almost floors me. Please dont let her fall for Mickeys wicked charms. Mickey is giving me that look as if to tell me that the game is now on, a game for Sophies affection. I had it and it seems that I have totally stamped all over it. If Sophie thinks that I have hurt her, well, what Mickey will do to her will be ten times worse. He only wants her to fuck with my head, all because of some fucking score he feels he has to settle. He will break her beyond repair and if he does he wont have a fucking face left because I will destroy him. Sophie is the world to me. Nothing in this world compares to Sophie and I will protect her until my dying breath. Sophie Once again I let him get under my skin and let his sexiness and his sexual prowess get to me. I left the tour bus telling myself that I would dress professionally and act the same way to avoid myself getting caught up in Joshs power to manipulate my emotions. As soon as he dropped that towel I knew all my good intentions would fall by the way side. Joshs cock is quite simply out of this world, he is extremely blessed in that department. He has superb length and the girth is equally huge. I wont deny that I had some very inappropriate thoughts of what it would be like to have him buried deep inside me. The bastard did it on purpose just to see me lose track of my well planned control, he knew exactly what he was doing. Im so angry at myself for allowing him that level of control over me. The man is pure perfection and Im finding myself falling further and further down the black hole that is

my attraction to Josh. It is threatening to swallow me whole. I knew things would get difficult as soon as I mentioned to Josh that I had feelings for him. Im well and truly fucked! When Josh told me that I should just get over my obsession, I realised that I really was nothing more than a potential fuck to him. I can honestly say up until that point I always had hope bubbling away inside of me, but Josh quashed that hope for good. I must have looked pretty pathetic to him; I could feel my own shame and devastation being displayed for everyone to see. I have used and abused men all my adult life and the one that I do completely fall for, Im the one who is now being walked all over. I want to curl up into a ball and just die. How can one man make me take leave of my senses and be utterly reckless with my emotions. I normally keep them very close to my chest. I was momentarily awoken from my misery by the guys coming back into the dressing room after changing into their outfits. Im very impressed at the bands stage attire, it has come together nicely. They look every inch the high flying rock stars that they are, and my guess is that things are only going to get better for the guys. I hope tonight is a massive success for them. No matter what has went down between myself and Josh I wish no ill feeling towards him, maybe I should but I dont. Im a glutton for punishment. I must look a damn sight because Mickey comes over to see if Im alright and he ends up consoling me. Perhaps I have misjudged him, maybe he is a nice guy after all. Who am I to judge their previous spat over a woman. Maybe Mickey was telling the truth. By all accounts it is Josh that has hurt me, not Mickey.. Mickeys arm around my shoulder just feels heavenly. The guy must work out every freaking day. His arms are so well defined, I must look like a broom standing next to him. I almost feel like I belong here with the guys. I glance over at Josh and he is staring holes through Mickey, I assume its because he has his arm around me. Tough Shit Josh. Josh had his chance to have me or at least have a sexual relationship. Yet, he wont let Mickey just hold me as a friend, to console me when Im feeling down. Things are so screwed up between us. Im so confused at the situation. Those two have some serious issues. Mickey starts to stroke my shoulder length blonde hair and I have to admit it feels pretty damn good. A tear escapes from the corner of my eye but I quickly swipe it away with the back of my hand. I cant let Josh see just how much his behaviour has got to me. Mickey obviously hears me sniffling as he spins my body around so that Im now facing him. I cant look at him; I really dont want anyone to see just how pathetic I am. Im hurting but I dont want anyone knowing just how much. Mickey takes my chin in his thumb and forefinger and gently lifts my head up to look into his eyes. He bends down and stops just at my left ear and whispers very gently, you deserve the very best of everything, dont let some douche hurt you. Wipe those

tears away from your beautiful face; he doesnt deserve your tears. You ever need a shoulder to cry on Im here. If you ever need anything Sophie Im here, please dont forget that. Mickey says so softly, I know for a fact I have completely misjudged him. Mickey has a beautiful side that Im guessing not many people have had the opportunity of seeing. He gently kisses me on the forehead and I just melt at the reverence behind it. Im suddenly yanked away from Mickey harshly. Of course it had to be Josh that has yanked me away. Just what exactly does he think he is doing now? The guy told me to get over him only ten minutes ago; does he seriously have short term memory loss or what? The guy has double standards. What, he wont have me but nobody else in the band is allowed me either? What the fuck do you think you are doing Josh? You dont get to decide who I do and dont speak to, or hug for that matter. You are plain out of order. I am so damn mad at him right now. Im pretty sure that the others can see the steam coming out of my ears. Look Sophie, Mickey is bad news; you could do so much fucking better than this cock sucker. Oh yes, that is so fucking rich coming from him. Look guys lets just quit this pissing contest, huh? Let Sophie deal with this and stop putting her in the middle. Blaine takes a stand and both men just stare at him obviously not going to do what Blaine suggested. A shrill laugh erupts in the corner of the dressing room from Tanner, who is obviously not paying any attention to what is happening because he is as high as a kite. I would seriously doubt if he actually knew what his own name was at this point. I just hope that he is going to be able to perform the best he can. Oh Josh are we seriously going to go there, hmm? I think Sophie is seeing another side to you now, so I would just watch your step on this one. It might just get a whole lot uglier before its all said and done. Mickey seems to be sticking up for me but I cant shake the feeling that there is an undertone to what he is saying, some kind of hidden meaning? Mickey and Josh go face to face once again and it seems that neither man will back down on this one. One of the roadies walks into the dressing room and interrupts the whole situation. Im so glad something has interrupted them because I dont think any of the other guys would have been able to separate them if they had gone at it. Look guys you are on in five, you think youre going to be ready? The roadie looks apprehensive to be interrupting Josh and Mickey, but he has to make sure the guys get on stage on time. Sure we will, just having a friendly discussion here with my buddy Josh. Both men edge away from each other and gather the last of their things for the stage. Im thankful that their disagreement is over, but I know that they will resume this later on. By no means is this whole thing over. Mickey kisses me on the head once more as the guys all head out of the dressing room towards the stage entrance. Josh just looks at me on the passing and my heart still hurts just as much. What the hell is happening?

Why the hell do I think that tonight may have been the start of something? It doesnt feel good either.

Chapter 10
Im starting to feel the adrenaline rush through my body as we all get set to take the stage. Mickey is standing directly behind the stage door practising his keys. Despite our differences I have to admit that Mickey has one of the highest ranges I have ever seen on a male singer. Zack and I are well amped for tonights gig, our solos are going to kick mega ass. I wonder if Sophie will watch the show from the side-lines. Goddamn it Josh, stop thinking about Sophie. You have to have your mind on the game tonight. The crowd just sounds insane in the arena. They have been shouting non-stop for Buried Alive for the last half hour and it really gets my high working. I love writing and spending time in the studio with the guys but my heart lies with performing live. The feeling of stepping onto that stage and hearing your fans scream and shout your name, it sends goosebumps coursing throughout my body, its just insane. I never thought it could be possible to be loved by thousands of strangers purely out of their love of your music. I am truly blessed. Tanner is still off his face but he is also focussed and I know he will get through the show no problem. You ready Tanners? Zack asks Tanner, he obviously has noticed his erratic excitement over the last couple of hours. We are all concerned about him but we need to get through the next two nights. Once we are back on the road again we can try to get to the bottom of Tanners increased drug taking. One of the stage hands opens the side entrance that leads directly onto the stage. You guys ready for the madness. The fans are well and truly ready for you guys now, be prepared, they are pretty manic over here. Holy crap here we go, our first major US tour and the fans are going crazy out there for us. Im so freaking excited for the next two nights. Lets just hope it goes without a hitch. You bet we are let the fucking madness commence. Blaine is nearly bouncing off the walls with excitement. I slap Blaine and Zack on the back playfully as we get ready to take centre stage now that our support band, Burning Inferno have finished playing their set. Bring it the fuck on!! The support band comes bounding through the stage door drenched in sweat but they look delighted with their set. I remember us being the support band for a few major rock bands back during our early days and it was one of the most exhilarating experiences of my life. Thats what really got us noticed. It was a huge honour to be playing for bands that we grew up listening to. It finally seemed like a reality that we could become as huge as those guys. Hey guys, they are totally warmed up for you now. You have a hard act to follow now, try not

to make us look better. The lead singer from Burning Inferno, Kurt laughs deeply. He isnt far wrong though, they have come a long way in the last few years and given a few more they should be exactly where we are. I have faith in them. Oh ha-ha Kurt boy, we are about to blow the fucking crowds mind away. They will have forgotten who the fuck you are five minutes into the show. Mickey says sardonically. Seriously though, you guys were amazing. We listened to your set out here, very impressed. Zack has a good ear for up and coming bands with major talent, so I have no doubt that these guys will become very big. Alright we will let you guys get onstage, good luck with the first leg of the tour. We are huge fans, thanks for the opportunity. With that the guys head back into their dressing room and we are now left to get on that motherfucking stage and rock some ass! This is it, this is fucking it. The doors to the stage open and our equipment is already laid out and waiting for us to take control. My heart is thudding in my chest at an uncontrollable rate; its pumping so hard I think it may just escape out of my chest. Christ this is going to be immense. Right come on fuckers lets get our asses on that stage and rock the fuck out of this arena! Mickey shouts above the increasing noise that is building up at the prospect of us hitting the stage. Mickey hangs back and Me, Blaine, Zack and Tanner head onto the stage, the crowd goes fucking nuts. The stage is still in darkness but the fans can sense our arrival. They continue their chants for Buried Alive. They start shouting for Mickey as they know he is still to grace them with his presence. Zack, Blaine and I grab our guitars and sling them over our shoulders. They are already in tune so we are all set for the off. Tanner runs up to his drum kit and becomes familiar with his best friend once again. We all flash one another a smile, we all know this is our dream coming true. Even Tanner who is stoned knows how huge this is, its all we have ever dreamed about. The crowd goes fucking insane when the stage lights up when in runs Mickey who stands on his platform at the very front of the stage. We are on fire and all the fights of the past few days have been forgotten, for now. Are you fuckers all ready to be rocked here tonight?!! Mickey screams into his microphone and is being met with deafening screams from the crowd. This is what we do best, we were born to be entertainers and it feels so damn good to be back up where we belong. Alright then. First of all I just want to say how fucking amazing it is to be here in San Diego. Its our first time here so why dont you all make us feel welcome. We want to start with one of our more well-known songs, Apocalypse. Get ready to rock!

That has the crowd getting to their feet and banging their heads up and down to Blaines insane bass beat. Tanner kicks in with an elaborate drum beat and he doesnt miss a step, hes on fucking top form. Zack and I kick in with our guitar parts and we are just flying over the riffs perfectly. Mickey starts screaming the first part of the song and the crowd just cant get enough of our biggest hit to date. Half way through the song I take centre stage with Mickey and start to hit my trademark solo for my adoring fans. The spotlight is on me and Im in my element. Zack joins me at my left hand side and starts playing the rhythm to my solo and we mould together perfectly. The song ends and Mickey starts his usual conversation with the crowd. It never fails to get them jumping up and down and screaming their heads off, especially the women. Hey Josh look over there, theres a chick thats topless. I like that. Hmmmmmm. That only makes the chick wiggle her breasts all the more for Mickey; he knows exactly how to evoke a reaction out of the crowd. As far as I can see every member of the crowd has one of our newly designed shirts. Just seeing that is truly humbling, never did I think that I would be role model worthy. These fans have us up on a pedestal and it is both a pleasurable but also a frightening role to be playing. We head straight into our second song of the set and really get the crowd going. Tanner needs the drugs to get high but this feeling is the most intense high I will ever experience. The song finishes and Tanner has his drum solo. This is always one of the most highly anticipated parts of our shows. The crowd love Tanner just as much as we do. His sets are always crazy, majorly fast drum fills with Tanner drinking numerous beers and smoking cigarettes in the process. Fucking multi-talented. The rest of us are standing in the wings of the stage waiting for Tanner to finish his drum interlude. I take a swig of my beer just to quench the thirst that has built up with the heat of the stage. Just as I swallow the mouthful of beer I notice that Sophie is standing in the opposite side of the stage talking to one of the roadies. I wonder if she has been watching the show from there. She has my heart beating wildly again and it suddenly seems very important to me to outperform myself and impress her. I do hope she stays and watches the rest of the show. Sophie I am quietly standing in the left wing of the stage watching the show. I have to admit they are absolutely fantastic live and they captivate the crowd completely. Im very proud to have been a part of this set up. They seem to have a very strong fan base and they all seem to be in the their element on stage. It just goes to prove that dreams can come true. I admire each and every one of them. Their talent is truly once in a lifetime and although Mickey and Josh are having their issues it doesnt seem to get in the way of the bands success or their performance.

The show goes without a hitch and it is a huge success. The boys gel so well together and its like a family out there performing. Every so often Josh will catch my eye from his corner of the stage and I cant find it in myself to look away. Josh not only captivates the groupies in the front row of the crowd but he has my attention whole heartedly. I have tried so very hard to ignore the pull that he seems to have over me, but truth be told I cant. There is just something about him and its not his superstardom, fame or the money, its him. Josh is broken and I so desperately want to be given the opportunity to fix him. Its not going to be easy to get close to him again. I catch Joshs eye once again and this time Im rewarded with one of his panty dropping smiles. There we go, thats exactly what I have been missing from him. It fills me with a deep longing to be loved by him. I know its nothing but a dream but its starting to consume me so deeply now, that I cant think about anything else. The guys exit the stage and they all run past me whilst gulping down beers to celebrate their first gig. The only one who hangs back is Josh who actually looks very nervous on his approach to me. So he damn well should, the way he has treated me has been confusing at best. So, I saw that you watched the whole show from back here. Did you erm like what you saw? Josh says quietly just so that only me and Josh can hear what is being said. Its the first time I have heard all of the bands big hits and I was very impressed Josh. I knew you guys were very talented but the level of that talent goes beyond the scope of anything I have ever heard before. You should be very proud. Remaining calm telling him this is so fucking hard, I want to slam my fists against his rock hard chest and ask him why the hell he enjoys hurting me so damn much. I dont do that, my pride wont allow it. Thanks Sophie, despite everything that means a lot to me. I just wondered if you would like to come with us to the club down the block and have a few after show drinks to celebrate. Absolutely no strings attached, just as friends? Josh looks totally earnest in his request and I dont have it in my heart to reject him. Unlike he did you Sophie? I tell that voice in my head to shut the hell up, it always interferes at the most inappropriate times. I really want to spend more time with Josh so my answer is a no brainer. Thank you Josh I would like that very much, thanks for inviting me out with you guys. I leave my response at that and head back down into the guys dressing room to collect my purse so that I can head back onto the tour bus once again. Once Im in the dressing room, Im faced with a bunch of butt naked men and the view makes me slightly giddy at not only the sheer nakedness but also at the tattoos on display. Before my weaknesses gets in the way of professionalism I grab my purse. Im about to head back out the door when Im accosted by

Mickey again. He is completely naked and he actually has me very apprehensive about being in this confined space with him. I dont feel an intense attraction to Mickey like I do with Josh but he is still a force to be reckoned with. His hands start to gently rub at my arms and I can clearly see that he is aroused. Im starting to wonder if having a huge cock was a requirement of being able to join the band. These guys are fucking huge! I cant let Mickey think that Im interested in him, as impressive as he is. Look Mickey please stop, I dont want this. I want us to be friends. I dont feel that way for you. Im sorry. Mickey backs off me and bends down onto the shelf for one of the towels that were left for the band. He wraps the towel around his middle and smiles a huge smile that reaches his eyes. No sweat baby. Im here if you want me though. Mickey winks at me and then walks straight into the bathroom to take a shower. Surely these guys arent short of female attention, so then why do they keep hitting on me? Im nothing special. When Im safely back inside the bus I head straight into the bathroom and take a quick shower in anticipation for tonight. Once out the shower I wrap my favourite pink fluffy towel around my body and step back into the main area of the bus. I rummage through my suitcase to find something suitable to wear for tonight. I pick out my backless black dress with diamante studs along the bottom hemline. Its ultrasexy but I think that tonight is the perfect opportunity to wear it. I find my bright pink thong that I have decided to wear with it and team the outfit with my black stilettos. I head back into the bathroom to get dressed, do my makeup and decide what exactly Im going to do with my hair. Once Im dressed and my makeup is applied, I decide to straighten my blonde locks and leave my hair down, something I dont often do. I look damn fuckable if I do say so myself. One of the roadies told me that the guys were leaving for the club straight from the arena dressing room so I have the honour of having Trev escorting me to the club. Apparently it isnt safe for me to head there alone now that the groupies have caught wind of me being in the guys company 24/7 for the foreseeable future. Jealous little harpies need to go and get themselves a fucking life! Im interrupted by Trev who is here now to escort me and I have to admit Im very excited about what tonight will bring. You ready to go then trouble? Ah Trev and his pet name. Hes a sweetheart really. Lead the way Trev. Im so ready to let my hair down tonight. Trev protects me as we head out of the bus through the shouting crowd of fans that have gathered around the bus. Little do

they know that the guys have already left for the club. He helps me into the Chrysler and we are now speeding towards the club. I have absolutely no idea where abouts we are headed but I love the mystery of this evening. We finally pull up outside a very swanky looking club called Violets. Trev gets out the car first and then comes round to my side and opens up my door. I get out and Im met by some very forceful looking paparazzi aiming to get a few snaps of me as I get out the car. Trev blocks the majority of the snaps but Im sure one of them got a few snaps of my face. Apparently Buried Alive are huge news here in San Diego. I scurry into the club as quick as my eight inch heels allow. I love the atmosphere of the club, its stunning. There is red velvet booths and black glass tables everywhere. Im glad to see there isnt a tacky waitress dressed in a bunny outfit anywhere, score. I spot the guys sitting in the V.I.P area and I make my way over there hastily. I really dont want to be accosted by anyone. As I get closer to the booth I can feel the air whoosh straight out of my chest at the sight of Josh. If I thought he couldnt look any more stunning than he is in his stage gear I was wrong. Josh is wearing a very neat pair of blue jeans with a black dress shirt with the top three buttons undone. I can see his tattoos peeking through. I have lost all ability to speak at this moment. Oh holy crap tonight is going to be so much harder than I had anticipated.

Chapter 11
The sight of Sophie walking into the club in that outfit has my senses on red alert. She is beauty personified. It has to be illegal for someone to look that damn sexy. Just the way that her dress fits and the way it accentuates her curves has me wanting to rub my hands over every inch of her. God damn, Im going to go straight to hell for this but Im going to have to have a taste of her tonight. The whole fucked up situation has me feeling like Im Adam tempted to take a taste of the forbidden fruit. Come up to the bar with me Sophie and Ill get us our drinks. I already have a buzz but Im going to need something stronger to cope with the urge that I have for this girl. I leave the other guys at our booth and accompany Sophie to the bar. I can feel Mickeys eyes on me but I dont give a damn. In my mind she is still my woman and I will do anything to keep her away from him. He will end up hurting her beyond repair. Sophie is most definitely an angel amongst demons. What would you like to drink Soph? I stare into the depths of her enchanting eyes as if I had just asked her a deep and meaningful question. Erm w..Well, I really want to get smashed tonight so make it a jagermeister. Holy crap talk about starting heavy. She sits down on the bar stool and I do the same, its more comfortable than standing about like a complete douche. We sit in an uncomfortable silence whilst we wait for our drinks to arrive. God, how I wish I could take the awkwardness away and replace it with the ease that we had previously. Our drinks arrive and I take a tentative sip whilst Sophie just throws it back. Wow, no holds barred with this girl! Woaw calm down Sophie, you have all night to get drunk lets not get carried away with ourselves, huh? I really hope that she isnt getting wasted because of the situation between us. Well fuck it, if getting wasted is good enough for Sophie its damn well good enough for me. We continue to knock back Jagermeister after Jagermeister and the room seems to be spinning on its axis relentlessly. I fear it wont be long before Im running down an alleyway puking my guts up. How fucking attractive would that be in front of the most beautiful woman in the world. Even if she is as wrecked as I am. I turn around and notice that the guys have found themselves some women to show off to. Brilliant, maybe Mickey will leave me and Sophie alone to puke together. We finish off our serious drinking session by consuming vodka shots, by this time we are both utterly wasted. Im not sure how Im even standing.

Sophie somehow manages to slide off of her barstool elegantly even though she is as drunk as a skunk. She looks good enough to eat, in fact that is exactly what I want to do to her. Im having an internal battle. One minute I want to leave her alone and let her get on with her life and her career and the next I want to throw caution to the wind and rip all her clothes off where she stands and take her up against the bar. What the fuck am I doing? Sophie is looking at me with a seductive intent in her eyes and I find that look so damn sexy. Drunk Sophie is full of confidence and self-worth and I find that its turning me on so much, I want her and I want her now! All of a sudden I seem to be surrounded by a bunch of over amorous groupies circling around me like bloody vultures. Why the hell wont these girls just leave me alone? If I wanted a cheap and skanky lay for the night I would of plucked one of them out hours ago. These girls could never stand in Sophies shoes, shes too special for words. She puts up with my shit and yet she can still find it in herself to talk to me never mind breathe the same air, unbelievable. Josh..Josh. I hear youre without company tonight, why dont we head on back to your tour bus for a little private time. What do you say? These girls are unreal, have they no selfrespect? Why would you so blatantly throw yourself at a man you dont even know? What a hypocrite I am. I have been sleeping with these girls for months and only now do I question the moral of the situation! Just as the group of girls gets larger around me I feel Sophies hand yank at my wrist and Im being led past the girls and through the club to the rear entrance. I had a lucky escape there, any longer and I would have been groupie meat. Ripe for the picking. I need to control my breathing, otherwise my heart is going to beat right out of my chest. That situation could of gotten out of control very fast if Sophie wasnt there to rescue me. Ha, Sophie rescue me? Isnt it supposed to be the other way around? I have a desire to be Sophies knight in shining armour but at this moment in time Im more of a twat in tinfoil! Sophie has dragged me out the clubs back doors. We are both leaning against the doors when I let out a very audible sigh of relief. Those women were damn feral! We both burst into a fit of laughter at the absurdity of Sophie saving me from a bunch of cock hungry fans. Wow that was intense, Josh. Does that happen to you often? Sophie is incredulous at the scene that just transpired. Im mortified that Sophie had to witness the lengths that groupies will go to just to spend one night with a member of Buried Alive. I wish Sophie didnt have to see that part of my life. I would readily get wasted and fuck the nearest girl available just to feel some kind of emotion. Im a dark and deep man, one that wishes he could feel a

connection. Now that I do Im trying to push that one person as far away from me as I can get. Yes it does, usually I would be totally up for anything these girls put to me. Tonight seems to be different though. I contemplate the meaning behind my words. Oh really and why is that then? Sophie has now stepped away from the doors and is standing directly in front of me, biting her lip. That action alone has me having lascivious thoughts towards her. You tell me. After all Im in the company of the most beautiful girl in the world. I can be sweet when I want to be and I want to be all the time with Sophie. I have so much to say. I cant seem to process coherent thoughts at the moment though with her looking at me that way. Sophie grabs me by the wrist once more and drags me into the alleyway in between the club and a building beside it. I have no idea what the hell she is doing but it has me very excited at the prospect of finally being alone with her. Once we are far enough into the alley Sophie pushes me hard into the wall, her hands on my pecs feels damn good. I place my hand over hers and cherish the look in her eyes. Is this the moment Im going to have her? Not ideal for our first time, but fuck Ill take her anyway I can get her now. Josh please dont say anything let me just give you this moment. I can see the sincerity in her eyes. I decide to keep my mouth shut on this occasion and just let her do what she has to do. I silently nod my agreement to her request. Sophie starts by stroking my cheek gently, I lean into her touch and can almost hear her pulse beating rapidly in her wrist. She leans up and plants her full lips on mine, she doesnt move them for a moment just resting them letting me know shes there. I open my mouth and I start to move with hers, hungrily taking possession of her mouth. Its just as I remember. The sweet taste of her, she feels just like velvet and her tongue. Fuck her tongue. Its a heady mix and I can feel my head buzzing from the intensity of it all. We pull away from each other and we are completely breathless. Sophies lips are bruised from the passionate embrace. She has a devilish smile on her face and it makes me anticipate her next move. She seems intent on driving me wild with passion tonight. Sophie doesnt linger long, she is now undoing my belt swiftly. She pulls it through the loops and deposits it on the ground near her feet. Im utterly shocked at her swift work of my jeans, this lady means business tonight. She keeps biting that fucking lip and its driving me wild. She quickly pulls my jeans down to my ankles and my boxer briefs soon follow. Im completely bare to the elements and it feels liberating out here in the open. If the media saw me right now they would have a damn field day. Sophie now leans in towards my ear and whispers seductively to me. Josh, I have dreamt about what it would feel like to have your cock wrapped around my lips. What it would feel

like as you push you cock deep down my throat, and finally what it would feel like having your seed erupt straight into my mouth. I guess we are both about to find out. Fuck.Me! That had to be the hottest words I have ever heard come out of Sophies mouth. My cock is now standing to salute and by god Im so ready for her mouth. Soph Im cut off by Sophies index finger covering my lips. Sophie wasnt kidding when she said she didnt want me to utter a word during our encounter. Sophie is now on her knees in front of me gently stroking my legs whilst she teases my cock with her tongue. She smiles against my cock and Im having a hard time keeping myself under control. I just want to have her against the wall while I cherish her body. I want to be balls deep inside of her. I bet she would feel fucking exquisite. She now grabs a hold of my cock roughly and starts to pump it. I let out a guttural moan that resonates deep within my chest. Her hand knows exactly how to have me craving more. Fuck, it feels so damn good. When she sees me pleading for her mouth with my eyes she obliges. Whilst never looking away she slowly puts my cock inside her mouth and licks the tip of it. Not only does her tongue feel good when kissing, it feels so much better on my cock. The gentleness doesnt last though. She soon begins to suck at my length relentlessly. Every muscle in my body clenches with the sheer pleasure she is giving me. I want her and I want her badly. She continues this torturous speed and just as Im about to shoot into her mouth she stops. What.The.Hell? Sophie stands up and sorts her clothing out. She wipes her mouth with the back of her hand and bends down once more to whisper in my ear. Dont you ever underestimate me again Josh. I can have you begging on your hands and knees. Dont you ever think you can get away with treating me like shit. Im not one of your little groupies, I deserve a little bit more respect. I wont put up with it from any man let alone you. Get your fucking shit together. Ill see you back on the bus. Sophie turns away from me and walks back down the alley. Well thats me told. I deserved that dressing down. I have treated her like shit. Im sexually frustrated but Sophies actions have me making the decision to finally start making amends. I will do whatever it takes to finally make her mine.

Chapter 12
Once I arrive back on the bus I head to the kitchen and fetch myself a glass of water. I have had way too much to drink and need to sober up quickly for the aftermath of my actions. I know I was slightly drunk but I still cant believe that I actually went through with it! Slightly drunk, who the hell are you kidding? I was damn well near paralytic. I feel like a complete bitch for getting Josh wound up sexually like a coiled spring but I had to let him know just how much his actions have affected me. Josh wasnt the only one that got wound up sexually, I felt it too. The feel of his manhood in my mouth had me wanting to push him to his very last thread of control. God I wanted him to come in my mouth and watch him in the purest form of ecstasy. I wanted to see his breathing increase, his head fall back, his eyes roll into the back of his head and have his fingers grip my hair so tightly whilst he pumps his life force into my mouth. He would then watch me intently while I gulped every last bit down. Yes Im a whore. I had to stop the whole act though. I needed him to see that I could have him if I wanted him. He does still want and need me, but what I cant understand is why he is denying himself. What can he have to possibly gain from torturing himself? If only I could get him out of my mind. I could get on with this tour instead of getting involved in illicit sexual acts with Josh. Even though the man makes my cunny quake I have to try and get over him, STAT. I gulp down the remains of my glass of water and decide on getting myself ready for bed. I cant keep having these late nights, they are starting to catch up with me. I head towards the bathroom when Im distracted by a loud banging noise coming from across the hall, the private bedroom. I change course and quietly tip toe to the door of the main bedroom. The banging gets louder and I press my ear against the glass to try and get a better indication of what is going on in there. Thats when it becomes perfectly clear what the heck is going on in there. One of the boys is in there having sex, and they arent being particularly quiet about it either! The girl is squealing loudly in there. Oh..oh..Mickey harder, harder, dont stop. I laugh inwardly when I realise that its Mickey in there. Im not ashamed to admit that I was momentarily worried that it was Josh in there, especially after I had sexually tortured him. Thats the one thing I wouldnt be able to get over, cheating.

Okay bitch get your head down on the pillow and your beautiful ass in the air. Well Mickey isnt exactly the hearts and flowers kind of guy is he? I feel myself blushing at the noises that Mickey and the mysterious woman are making and swiftly turn around and lean my back against the glass doors when I come face to face with Josh. How the hell did he sneak up on me? I didnt even hear him get on the bus. Was I really so preoccupied with trying to work out who was in that room that I have total disregard to who is coming and going? Although I have sobered up a little the sight of Josh still has me feeling dizzy at the hotness of the man. It seems that the tables have turned and Im now the one at the mercy of Joshs sexual prowess. Oh Sophie do you know just how worked up I am right about now? Josh says with a tight lipped expression. He raises both his arms and places both his hands on the glass doors at either side of my head, his close proximity has my heart palpitating. He doesnt look like he is about to give up and let me go either. Josh I think you know exactly why I did that. I say through bated breath. Im seriously struggling to string a few words together at this moment. Its as if his voice short circuits my brain, I mean seriously! Oh, Sophie your little sex show has only made me want you that much more. Did you seriously think that would get me pissed, that I would back off completely? Little do you know that I have never stopped wanting you, needing you every single day. Let me tell you how much I want you, shall I? I want to ruin you for other men for the rest of your life. I want you to never be able to look at another man the same, let alone fuck them. Holy crap, ruin me for other men? Does this guy have mad skills or something? Josh you are an arrogant fucking dick, do you know that? What the hell makes you think that youre so different from other men? After what you did, what makes you think I would even want you even breathing the same air as me? I cant believe the audacity of the guy! My hand is totally twitching wanting to slap him across his beautiful face. Josh inches closer to my face and I can smell his jagermeister breath, how I can find that irresistible I do not know. Every part of Josh is stunning and no matter what he does or how he behaves I just cant let go of the fact that he feels like the other part of me. I know it sounds corny but we are like two halves of a whole and only when we are together do we feel complete. Sophie, I cant stop thinking about you and when you wrapped your perfect lips around my cock it took everything in me not to explode right at that minute. I dont want to fuck you. Josh says this with the curve of his lip into a slight smile. What the fucking hell is he on? He wants to fuck me alright; I didnt imagine his facial expressions in that alleyway. What the hell do you mean, you dont want to fuck me? I was damn well there in that

alleyway, remember? I seen your facial expressions, you wanted me, I know you did. I cant even believe that he is trying to fill me with this utter crap. If thats the type of look he gives a girl when he doesnt want to fuck her then Id hate to see his look of lust. I can kind of understand him being scared of taking a leap of faith on this but I still dont understand his hesitance. He is so cock sure with everything else, whats with the bullshit? Josh grabs both my shoulders firmly and shakes me roughly until I take notice of what he is about to say. You didnt let me finish what I was about to say. I said I didnt want to fuck you, fucking is what I do with the groupies. Thats something I dont want to do with you. I want to make love to you, passionately. I only want it to be us two involved. Its been known that I would take on a few girls at a time to stoke my sexual desire but it was always emotionless. I didnt feel anything for those girls. I wouldnt even say that I lusted after them. They were just there so I took advantage and they were quite happy for me to do so. Josh says deadpan. Well I wasnt expecting that at all. I really didnt picture someone like Josh having the phrase make love in his repertoire, he really does look like a fuck kind of guy. Has he developed stronger feelings for me than I had anticipated? Josh I thought you didnt want me, that you felt that it was easier if you stayed away from me. You change your mind so damn often Im getting whiplash from everything you say. How is a girl supposed to keep up with your mood swings? Do you want me or not? Christ, and they say that women are the indecisive species. Oh baby I want you alright, I just wanted to keep you away from my darker side. Thats something that I didnt want you to have to deal with, but Im tired of trying to fight my attraction to you. I think we could have something special if we both put our everything into it. Im willing to try, what about you? Do I want to try? Do bears shit in the woods? Is Josh freaking insane. I have wanted to keep trying to get through to him for days now but he wasnt having any of it. Oh god, I want to fuck him right now, I want every part of him. Josh I want you more than I want to breathe but I wont tolerate you hurting me again, you hear me? Your wish is my command baby. He wraps his arms around my shoulders and embraces me in a huge hug. He feels amazing and smells divine. I just hope that I dont regret my words. Josh Wrapping my arms around Sophie feels like home and it feels so right. We feel like we belong together and the smell of her has all the blood available in my body rushing straight to my groin. The sexual tension between us could light up the whole of New York City its simply palpable.

My desire for Sophie takes over my head at this moment and I want nothing more than to be deep inside her with her thighs wrapped around my waist. I want to pound her into oblivion and hear her screaming my name at the top of her voice. I need her now; I wont tell myself any longer that I can live without her as its simply not true. I need Sophie and the craving has gone beyond all my measures of control now. I never thought it would be possible to need to touch someone so damn much but, I crave Sophies touch hungrily now. I caress Sophies cheek, her skin is velvety soft and I find my mind wandering, wondering how she keeps her skin so soft. Dammit Josh, focus man! I stare into the deep green serene pools that is her eyes and wonder how I could have been so blessed to have such an angel come into my life. Pure luck because Im the devil compared to her goodness. I think coming into contact with Sophie has changed my whole outlook on life especially the situation with groupies. Never again will I pick a cheap one night stand over having something spectacular with Sophie. Sophie is going to think Im some kind of sap if I continue to stare at her like I am doing. I still need to maintain some of the bad boy edge that she loves so much. I stroke her long blonde hair letting the softness glide through my fingers and she cracks a damn near heat breaking smile. I want to see more of them; I dont want to ever see Sophie sad. Right now I am going to make her the happiest girl in the country; Im going to make mad passionate love to the most beautiful girl in the world. Baby I want to make love to you now. The only thing is, the main bedroom is taken, we can either chuck douche bag out or we can take one of the other rooms. Not exactly romantic but I want you too damn much to wait any longer. I try to hide the desperation from my voice but it just aint happening. Josh I want you too, too much to wait. Pick a room, I dont care anymore. Sophie says breathlessly. So I guess she is having trouble controlling her emotions too. I grab her by the hand and swiftly drag her little ass towards the bathroom, its the only room with a locked door and Im desperate to erase the last memory of us in there. I quickly help Sophie into the bathroom and shut the door behind us and lock it. When I hear the lock click into place I breathe a sigh of relief, no one can interrupt us. Its just me, Sophie and the bathroom. I lean up against the door and take the beautiful sight of her in and cherish that its me she wants to be in here with. She doesnt want the twat waffle, Mickey. He gets enough things his own way. Sophie sees something in me and it touches something deep within me but on another level it also scares the crap out of me. I slowly edge towards Sophie and rub her arms softly, taking in every facial expression. God, she is beautiful. I press my lips against hers and I groan at the soft plumpness. The last time we kissed in here was an earthshattering experience and this time is no exception. It still feels

like we are the last two human beings on earth. How the hell can a kiss feel this explosive I havent even been inside her yet. What the hell is that going to do to my heart? I work my way down past her jaw and start kissing her neck, Sophie grips my hair roughly but it only makes me work her that much harder. I love her reaction to my sucking on her sensitive skin she really is a sexual creature. I fucking love it! Im so glad that she is wearing a dress tonight, it will make undressing her so much easier. Im too pent up right now to be dealing with frustrating buttons and zips. I need easy access tonight. Theres always another night to have slow and sensual sex. I grab the bottom of her dress and ease it up her body and over her head. Christ, if the vision of her with clothes on is stunning then her standing there in her bra and panties is out of this world. Sophie has a body to die for, curves in all the right places and her pert little ass is so spankable, but Ill leave that for another night I dont want to scare her off. Baby you look stunning, you have an amazing body. I cant wait to be inside of it. She smiles a shy smile but there is also devilment instilled in it. Sophie moves toward me and she takes off my shirt. Her eyes grow wide as she takes in the sight of my well-toned torso. I know I look after myself but Im glad the sight of it brings Sophie pleasure. She looks at the tattoos that cover my arms and chest and she pays particular attention to my tattoo that spans across my chest The truth is everyone is going to hurt you, you just have to find the ones worth suffering for. Spoken by the great Bob Marley. I can see she is trying to work out if there is a hidden meaning behind it, thats something I dont want to go into at the moment with her. Sophie swiftly opens the button to my jeans and pulls down my fly and removes my jeans and boxer briefs in one swift movement. Im really impressed with her urgency to get me naked. I stand out of my jeans and stand in all my nakedness ready to take whatever Sophie wants to throw at me. Sophie takes in my cock with hungry eyes and it turns me on so much. She bites that lip harder and if shes not careful she is going to draw blood. I reach behind Sophie and unclasp her bra and she quickly takes it off and throws it to the side. I bend down in front of her and pull down her pink thong with my teeth, she steps out of them with the same urgency as I had. Her nakedness is truly a sight to behold. I push Sophie up against the wall and touch her naked body with no awkwardness or shame. I take her nipple into my mouth and suck hard. She places her hands above her head and reaches up while she lets out sexy little moans of pleasure. I kiss her neck once more and knead her breasts softly. I grab her left thigh and bring it up against my waist as I start circling her clit with my thumb. Sophie rakes her fingernails down my back and Im pretty sure that its left a mark but to hell if I care, that only spurs me on further. Josh please fuck me, now. I cant wait any longer; I need to feel you inside me. Sophie says

breathlessly. Her wish is my command but not quite yet thats for sure; I have more torturing to do first. I bend down in front of her and nudge her legs apart just enough so that I can get my head in between them. I flick my tongue lightly over her engorged clit and I feel her spasm. Josh please lick me the fuck out, NOW! Her screaming that command has me smirking inwardly at how much my actions are affecting her. I lick her harder now taking my time between her folds and her throbbing clit. I know she is very close to having her first orgasm with me so I take her clit into my mouth and suck gently. This is her undoing and her legs give away but not before I gather her up into my arms. I place her on the counter beside the sink and watch her intently while she tries to open her eyes again. Seeing her go to pieces in front of me has to be the biggest turn on. When she finally opens her eyes again she smiles a damn sexy smile. Its almost my undoing; she tugs at my heart like no one has ever done before. Well that was intense, though Im not sure if I still have the use of my legs. She laughs at her own statement. I really want to make her laugh more, its a sexy sound. Right baby Im going to sit down on that chair next to the tub and I want you to straddle me. I want to feel your warmness riding up and down my cock. I really want a change of pace with Sophie, any of the sexual encounters I had with the groupies was basic unemotional fucking with me on top. I didnt like any of the others having any measure of control over me, but now I wanted to feel someone else controlling me, guiding me even. This was all new to me so why not put my faith in Sophie for once. Sophie simply nods. Im so glad shes up to this with me because I cant fucking wait to be inside of her. I sit myself down on the black leatherette chair and position myself with my legs slightly open so I can manipulate Sophies body up and down. Sophie walks up to me seductively and my cock twitches in anticipation. Are you on birth control Sophie? I have never been bareback with any girl and I suddenly have the urge to do it with her, please let her be on birth control. Yes Josh I have been for years. I dont like condoms. Please tell me youre clean before we do this. I flinch at her question but I know that its warranted. I have slept around, but I never went without a condom, fuck knows where those skanks had been before me. Sophie, I have never been with anyone without a rubber, trust me. I want this with you. Sophie nods and seems to be satisfied with my answer. Sophie eases back down on my cock slowly and I grunt my approval of the feel of her. Its beyond my wildest imagination. She is soft, warm and so damn tight. Her tightness seems to be heightened by my lack of a condom and I grit my teeth together at the pure pleasure.

God, Soph you are so fucking tight. I start moving into her slowly at first and then Sophie joins my rhythm and she starts slamming down onto me. God if she continues that then Im not going to be able to last much longer. I have waited so long to be inside of her. I up my pace and match it with hers. I can feel her release building alongside mine. I need her to come with me. I need us to come together. Josh, I know that you are used to these girls doing everything you say, the very moment you say it. I can tell you now thats not the way its going to be between us. Im yours and youre mine, and so long as we are together you are not to look at another woman again, you hear? Holy crap Sophie is the possessive kind? Who fucking knew? Sophie continues to stroke my chest and as she rides me harder and harder she scratches her nails over my skin almost to the point of breaking the skin. The action is so erotic it only pushes me further to ride her harder. Sophie has now grabbed my hair tightly and yanks my head to the side so that she has access to my neck. She bends down and whispers dirty thoughts to me. Josh, Im going to fucking rock your world. Your cock is mine; I own it just like I own you now. I can get you rock hard within seconds and Im soaking wet anytime I so much as think dirty little thoughts about you. Holy crap on a cracker, is it possible that Sophie is a little dominant in the bedroom or is she just that way with me? I start to open my mouth to say that Im hers body and soul when she hushes me with her index finger. She really does want to be in control and for once I fucking love it. I just know that this woman is going to drive me freaking insane! Sophie and I continue our frenzied pace and Sophie constantly touches my body while we both travel towards our release. The feel of her fingers on my skin just feels right; it feels perfect as if we will die if we dont touch each other. I always instilled a touching clause anytime I got in bed with a groupie. I couldnt bear to have any woman touch my body. Until Sophie. Those groupies were so damn shallow. They didnt want to go too hard at it in case their hair got out of place or they smeared their makeup, but with Sophie all that went straight out the window. Thats one of the things, I love about her. Shes hot but shes not vain with it. This girl is starting to become an addiction that I will never be able to beat, but I dont think I want to either. Josh I want to milk you dry, I want to feel your cock pulse every ounce of cum you have into me. You make me so, so hot. Sophie throws her head back and plays with her nipples and god if its not the most erotic thing I have ever seen. Come for me Sophie. Sophies head falls back on her shoulders and she screams my name at the top of her voice. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck Sophie! I shout her name in the throes of passion and I groan when I shoot the last of my cum into her. Sophie wraps her arms around my neck and her head sits in the crevice between my head and my shoulder. I can feel her pussy clench

down around my cock, milking every last bit of cum out of me. God, how amazing she feels and she enjoyed every last minute of it. Josh, that was amazing. I really dont think I will be able to walk now though. She laughs and I smile at that thought. Baby, look at me. Sophie brings her head up in line with my eyes. Your pussy belongs to me, do you hear me? I dont want another man ever again to be near you. Say it. My pussy belongs to you Josh. I sigh at the sincerity in her voice, she knows it belongs to me now, and there will be no going back for either of us.

Chapter 13
Last night was just amazing. I honestly have never felt so empowered during sex, ever. Josh let me take the lead and I found myself getting lost in controlling him sexually. I know this is a first for him. There is no way that Josh would let one of his groupies control him, he craves control with them, they need to know exactly who is in charge during their exchanges. Josh trusted me enough to let me take the reins and I fucking loved it! With my previous sexual partners I had simply lain back and taken it like a woman. I didnt participate perhaps as much as I should have but I just didnt feel the fire in my belly like I do with Josh. Something seems to take over when Im near him and I want to be sexy with him, I want to do sexual things I would never have considered before. Maybe I will instigate another encounter with him tonight after their show and see what kind of result I get. I slowly ease myself out of my teeny tiny cabin bed and stretch my legs to ease out the cramped feeling in my bones. I can hear a muffled sniggering up above me. Hmmm usually the cabin above me is empty, I wonder who the hell is occupying that bed? I have a fair idea and wonder when he exactly came to bed last night? When we finished our mad and passionate fucking session last night, Josh cleaned me up like a caring and attentive lover; the action shocked me a little. I kissed him lightly on the cheek and made my escape before I ended up wanting him to take me all over again. I guess I must have fallen asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. I didnt actually hear when he finally settled down into bed. I peer up towards the top bunk and Im rewarded with the vision of Joshs beautiful face looking back down at me. God, I can never get past just how naturally gorgeous he is, no wonder he is in such high demand. To be honest I cant believe my luck, how could someone as outstanding as Josh be interested in a regular girl who hasnt been subjected to the fickle life of fame? Dont get me wrong, Im not saying that I am unworthy. Hell no, I think I would be good for Josh. I think we have proven that we are both each others sexual match. What Im trying to get at is, Im not involved in being photographed or featured in the media day after day, thank god as well. Maybe, just maybe, that is what has piqued Joshs interest in me. Like what you see then? Although, I would say that you saw more of it last night. Josh says sardonically. His mouth turns up into devilish grin, god how I love cocky Josh. You know Josh, you shouldnt be so sure that I do like what I see. What if I told you that I have seen better? Not freaking likely but I want to see his reaction. It might be quite interesting to deflate his ego for a while.

Josh just smiles wider and doesnt let my words affect him at all. Huh, not exactly the reaction I was hoping for. Sophie we both know that you havent seen better. You forget I was the one with you last night. I saw every little intake of breath, how your eyes grew wider when you got close to coming and how you dug your fingernails into my back just as you are about to explode. You love what you see and I fucking love your body just as much. He just boosted my ego ten fold. I throw Josh a glare that is telling him to tone it down a bit. I dont know who is up and who is still in bed. I dont want every detail of our insane sex session to be common knowledge as of yet, I want to enjoy it being just Josh and I. What baby? They are going to find out eventually. Sex like ours can only stay a secret for so long. You ashamed of me? Oh my god how can he actually ask a question like that? The man is a rock and sex god and he asks me if Im ashamed of him. Maybe he has more issues than I first thought. Josh how could I ever be ashamed of you? The first time I laid my eyes on you I knew you were someone very special. I just wish that you would believe it yourself. You are a part of a hugely successful rock band who by the looks of it are set for worldwide domination. The fans adore you. From all the practise sessions I have been privileged to witness, you are one of the most talented guitarists I have ever seen. Have a little bit more faith in yourself. I do and I love what I see inside and out. Im not usually the type to stoke anothers ego but I feel that Josh needs it right now. By the end of this tour I will have Josh believing everything I have told him. He is a selfless person who just cant see the good in him. I decide to change the subject to something that will instantly perk Josh up. Sex. Josh I know exactly what will cheer you up. I smile with my own devilish smile. Its probably pretty obvious to him what Im up to, but hell the anticipation is all part of the game. Sophie what the hell are you playing at? Josh laughs while trying to work me out. Come Shower with me Josh. I know just how to make it more interesting. I giggle while I step out of the bed and saunter my way to the vacant bathroom. Josh quickly catches up with me. Josh must have jumped from the top bunk to be right behind me. It seems little Joshie Is up for round two. It seems that the bathroom is our sexual pleasure room. It seems this the place where sex or intimate moments occur for us. Josh scurries inside behind me and I close the door and lock it, perhaps with a little bit more force than is needed. I look at Josh with hungry eyes and he is in no doubt whatsoever at what

is about to happen. I quickly shake out of my camisole and shorts and Im now unashamedly naked in front of Josh. If Im not mistaken Im sure that his eyes just about fell out of his head. I sexily walk past him and grab his crotch in the process and yes, he is already hard. Just the reaction I wanted to get from him. I open the shower doors, walk in and turn on the scalding hot water. I stand under the jet as I soak my hair and body. I take one look at Josh and his jaw is almost completely detached from his mouth. I glance down at his impressive erection that seems to be making a tent out of his boxer briefs. I place my hands on my hips and pout sexily at him to hit home the point that he is still not naked. Josh quickly rights himself and whips every last inch of clothing off. His cock is very angry looking, he is very aroused and that alone has me continuing with my seduction. Josh naked is certainly a sight to behold. His six foot frame and his tattoos may be a foreboding sight to some but to me its a sense heightening sight. His tattoos dont make him a thug, each and every one is a personal piece of art. They all mean something to him. One day I must try and get him to tell me what each one represents. Right now I want him in this shower whilst he is inside me. Josh gathers himself finally and strides into the shower, he closes the glass doors behind him and he turns to face me. The steam from the shower has us hot but Im feeling hot for a totally different reason. The glass around us has now steamed up, we cant see out and no one can see in, not that anyone can see in anyway. The water is still cascading down my body while Josh caresses my arms gently. He puts his hands on the back of my head and leans down and assaults my senses with a heart stopping kiss. I open my mouth to him and he seeks my tongue hungrily. I snake my tongue out to meet his and we embrace each other until we can no longer breathe properly. I take Joshs bottom lip into my mouth and suck gently. Josh lets out a groan from deep within his chest. Its the most erotic thing I have ever heard. Christ, Sophie you are fucking killing me. Do you know just how fucking sexy it is you taking control over me? Josh pants sporadically and I can see just how sexy he thinks it is. I smile against his lips and he growls at my response. The next thing I know Josh grabs me by my thighs indicating that I should wrap them around his waist. I do as Im told, he then quickly takes a hold of my ass and lifts me into the air. He positions me against the wall. Now its my turn to breathe rapidly as he pins me and holds me effortlessly with his brute strength. Josh quirks an eyebrow realising just how much I want him. This whole seduction effort has turned him on beyond anything I have ever felt before. It makes me giddy with need. Josh positions his rock hard cock against my opening and I whimper at the contact. Josh is not

being gentle now, he needs this hard and fast and Im going to let him have it that way. Josh thrusts his cock straight into the depths of me and I clench at the feeling of it. He is so deep that I can almost feel him hitting my cervix. Hold tight baby Im going to fuck you good. I hold tightly onto Joshs muscular arms and wrap my legs tighter around his waist in apprehension of the pummelling Im about to get. Josh doesnt waste any motion getting going. He thrusts his cock in deep at a punishing pace and I love it. It doesnt take long for the burn deep in my stomach to start rising. I can feel my climax getting ready to wreck my body. My legs start to feel like jelly and my fingernails dig deeper into Joshs back, this only makes Josh pummel me harder. I want to hear you Sophie, dont you dare hold back on me. Josh says between sharp breaths. Oh, believe me I have no intention of holding back. Just as that thought escapes my foggy brain my climax grips me. Fuck Josh! I scream at the top of my voice just as Josh finishes spilling his cum deep inside of me. My hands are now braced against the glass doors and my heart beat begins to steady to a normal beat. Holy shit Sophie that was incredible. Fuck, I love going bareback with you. Its even better when we are sober. Where the hell did you learn those seduction skills of yours? You have been holding out on me woman. I giggle as the euphoria starts to wind down. The seduction totally paid off but I have lots of other wicked things up my sleeve for you yet. Josh pulls out of me slowly and I feel the emptiness instantly. Josh and I stand under the shower to cleanse ourselves of our sweaty session. Josh wraps his arms around me while I wash and I think just how sweet he can be when he wants. He pulls my hair back so that he can rain sweet kisses down my cheek and my neck. Sophie, we have to get out of this shower before I want to take you again. I have practise with the guys in a bit before the show tonight. Will you watch again? I wouldnt miss it for the world. Come, lets get out of here before someone starts banging on the door. We both get out of the shower and wrap towels around one another. I feel a sense of contentment that I havent felt for a long time and its got everything to do with the rock god standing beside me. The rest of this tour is going to be epic, I can feel it in my bones. Josh Practise for tonights show goes without a hitch. I love touring especially performing in front

of home crowds. There is just something about the electricity of performing in front of crowds that supported you right from the start. Its those guys that have been there for us when we were a struggling band doing the small time clubs that payed a pathetic fee to us on completion of our set. God, how things have changed for the better. Things are even looking up in the relationship department, with a blossoming sexual relationship with Sophie. If Im honest I can see it going further. Sophie is an insatiable creature in bed, she is like nothing I have ever experienced before and I have to admit that I freaking love it! How she took control of me sexually was very liberating and I could picture myself allowing her to do that more often. The sex was fucking explosive, she knew every sex position possible and I found myself at her mercy, totally. It was sensual yet raw, carnal but gentle and beyond all else I could feel the love between us grow with each torturous stroke. The faces she made as she came sparked a longing inside of me that almost broke my heart. She was so vulnerable in that moment that I was scared I could break her.. Who would of realised I was such a sap? The day goes past without incidence or drama which is a miracle in itself. We have a couple of hours to go before our final show in San Diego so I decide to spend a little time with Sophie. I remove myself from the plush leather sofa in the entertainment room and go in search of her. Just outside Sophies office Im blocked by Mickey. Great, just what I needed another episode of douchery with the leader of the douchebags. Mickey is standing with his muscular arms spread wide on either side of him against the walls. Its apparent that Mickey isnt going to let me past until he says whatever it is he needs to say. All I want to do is spend some time with my girl and this dick has to make it increasingly difficult due to some crap that happened a year ago. To this day I still dont know why he was so wound up about me sleeping with some cheap girl. He never had an issue about us sleeping with these girls. Why was she so different? Looking for someone Josh? I think youve have been getting down and dirty with Miss Sophie, havent you? Mickey sneers at me, his eyes never leaving mine. What if I have Mickey, I dont see what the fuck it has to do with you? What we do together is nothing to do with you. If you feel jealous and want to get laid I suggest you go out to the nearest club or street corner and bring one back here. I can feel the heat building back up again and it takes all my willpower to keep it together. I want to launch myself at him and pummel him like there is no tomorrow. I told you Josh, I would be watching and I have been. I happened to be going to the bathroom

this morning to take a slash, when what do I find? A locked door. Just as I was walking away what do I hear? Well I would tell ya but I think you already know since you were there. Just great, we had a fucking audience and it could only have been Mickey. Do you actually think I care that you heard us. I just couldnt contain myself, Sophie is some woman. Thats the truth, Sophie is amazing. I still cant believe she would want someone like me but I try to convince myself otherwise. Oh Josh youre right about that. She is some woman alright, the noises she made while you fucked her sounded delicious. In all the time we have toured and shared hotel rooms I have never heard you so into having another woman. I heard the things you were saying to her. Could it be that you have some feelings for this girl? Unlike the girl you fucked last year, huh? Mickey says sardonically and I realise this is the crux of the issue. He will never let that one fuck go, will he? Mickey, why the hell wont you let that one night go, huh? Okay, so you got chatty with her but if you were going to make a play for her then why the fuck didnt you? You have always told us that every girl is fair game and you never had an issue with me going after other women, so why the drama with that one? I really am stumped with the reasoning behind Mickeys behaviour. Okay, so she was a looker, I will give him that, but hell not enough to be a dick over. That has got nothing to do with you, Josh. That is my business and that is the way it is going to stay. Believe me when I say that Im very tempted at having a little go of Sophie myself. After that she wouldnt want to have your tiny cock anywhere near her again. Shes a little screamer, aint she? Yes, Im very tempted to get on that. Mickey flashes his arrogant smile that reaches his eyes and flashes his perfect white teeth. It seems that this is the only way that Mickey can get back at me and he is grabbing it with both hands. I just hope that Sophie is capable of making up her own mind. If her feelings are as strong for me as mine are for her then hopefully I wont have anything to worry about, hopefully. I swear Mickey you had better stay the fuck away from Sophie. She doesnt deserve to be fucked over by you. She is pure, decent, she has a heart of fucking gold and you destroy everything you touch. If you destroy her I wont think twice about breaking your fucking face. The one person I actually care about and you want it. How typical of you. Whats wrong, are you not getting the attention you are used to? So in typical Mickey fashion you have to throw your toys outta your fucking pram until you get what you want? Both Mickey and I are now nose to nose and you can feel the tension radiating all around us. I want to smack some sense into him, but he also wants to goad me and punish me for something that happened a bloody year ago! It makes no sense at all; he has never behaved this way over some girl he had only just met.

I hear voices coming from down the hallway and both Mickey and I are surrounded by the guys. I have Blaine and Tanner pulling me away from Mickey and Zack attempts to do the same with Mickey. We both retreat but this is far from over, I can tell. Zack tries to talk Mickey down and Blaine and Tanner keep staring at me waiting for an explanation at what has gone on between us this time. Look Josh, we know that Mickey can be a prize douche at the best of times but we really dont need the conflict during the tour man. Blaine stands with his arms folded. Judging by his tone I know he is worried about the whole Mickey chasing Sophie thing. He just wants to fuck me up but Blaine doesnt know what he can do about it. Yeah, but Blaine I could always poke his eyes out with my sticks just for shits and giggles. Both Blaine and I burst out laughing at Tanners inappropriate timing. Tanner is the master of diffusing a situation, he is the class clown but we love him for it. Come on man lets go and get a beer and chillax for a while. Not long to the show after all. Blaine suggests when Zack finally gets Mickey to walk away from the situation. I smile at the guys, but if truth be told Im sick to my stomach worrying about the potential consequences of Mickey chasing Sophie. I feel fucking sick.

Chapter 14
I stare at my laptop at the email I have just received from Tony, the bands manager. Apparently for the second leg of the tour they have decided to change the whole order of songs to be played. He also wants a radical change image wise for the boys on stage, hence why he was emailing me. I really have no clue what I am going to come up with. The boys have already gone through the goth stage when they were first starting out. Their recent style has a more rock edge, so what in the hell am I going to do with them? You have just got to love the cock suckers that sit behind a desk. What Tony doesnt realise is, that it can take weeks to come up with a successful style that works for the guys. So thanks a lot for increasing my work tenfold, dick! At least I have a good week to get it all done, but I just know I will be pulling some late nights. Sometime later Im interrupted by a knock to my office door. I dont know how much time has passed, or whether I had actually fallen asleep at my desk, but I feel weary and drained. I have been working hard to get some designs worked out but its going to be a drawn out process over the next few days. I pull myself out of my chair and answer the door to find Josh leaning against the door jamb. He must be fresh out the shower as he is standing there in only his ripped jeans, with fresh water droplets falling from his hair onto that well sculpted chest. It takes my breath away. He is literally heart stopping, but as well as being in awe of him Im secretly worried about the disintegrating relationship between Josh and Mickey. I heard their little altercation earlier but wasnt brave enough to step outside of my office to find out exactly what was going on. Every argument between those two has either been about me and my budding attraction to Josh, or about that little night of passion that Josh had a year ago with some groupie that Mickey was lusting after. I have absolutely no idea what that is all about, but Im going to make it my mission to find out. Hey beautiful, are you going to let me in or are you going to have me standing out here all night? Sure come on in. It seems I have lost all capacity for speech and I utter those words breathlessly. Even after spending lots of time with the man it seems he can still affect my emotions greatly. Josh walks into my office sexily and closes the door and locks it behind him. It seems that for whatever reason he has come in here he doesnt want to be interrupted. As if I couldnt guess?

If Josh thinks he is going to come in here and take charge of me sexually he has another thing coming. I absolutely love having control over him in that department; after all its the only part of this crazy situation I can have any measure of control over. I shut down my computer for now and clear my desk of all my various cuttings and sketches of possible outfits the guys could sport during the New York leg of the tour. Whilst Im doing all that I can almost feel the back of my neck burning as Josh never takes his eyes away from my body. Its seriously hot that someone as normal as me could turn Joshs head. I know exactly what will get his engine revving. Thankfully Josh locked the door to my office, so I have no hesitation on performing this little act for him. Im wearing a navy shift dress and my favourite pair of wedge sandals; well, I have been working after all. I bring my arms back behind me and pull down the zip of my dress and let it fall around my ankles. I seductively step out of it and kick it aside while never taking my eyes off of Josh. Im now standing in my bright pink bra and panties set. I know Im arousing him and its an empowering feeling. I turn around and in one swift movement I rid my desk of all of its contents letting them all scatter to the floor. I need all the room I can get for what Im about to do. Josh seems to be frozen to the spot and Im pretty sure that he hasnt blinked in a really long time. I stand directly in front of the desk and slowly ease down my panties and watch Joshs reaction. He is stunned speechless and if Im not mistaken his breathing has started to get harsh and irregular. I kick my panties away and all thats left is to take my bra off, I throw it at Josh and it lands right in his face. He holds it in his hand and sniffs the garment, its the sexiest thing I have ever seen. I hoist myself onto the desk and spread my legs wide giving Josh a perfect view of the show that is about to unfold. Josh rubs his hands up and down his thighs. Hmmm so he is obviously feeling the heat in here. I put my index finger and my middle finger into my mouth and give them a good coating. I slowly pull my fingers out of my mouth and bring them down to my breasts so that I can play with my nipples; the action has me moaning in gentle appreciation of the touch. When both my breasts have had equal pleasure from my fingers I lead them down the path to my pussy via my navel, another erogenous zone of mine. I tease myself a little by massaging my thighs just to build up the anticipation of getting near my clit. Josh edges closer to me and finds my office chair in the middle of the room so he brings it over and places it in front of me. He takes a seat and leans his elbows on his knees and links his hands together. He is ready and willing for the show that only he is privy to. Josh sitting there in front of me sends a jolt of electricity searing through me. Im strangely not embarrassed or even the slightest bit nervous. Im just excited to try this new experience and even more excited to see Joshs reaction.

I start massaging my clit very slowly building up the pleasure gradually. Im already soaking wet not only from the feel of my fingers over my body but also at the fact that I have an audience. I flick my clit slowly then build up the pace to the point where my insides are throbbing in the need to have my release. I pull back and let my impending orgasm settle back down again. I dont want to come too early, I really want to let this last a lot longer than my traitorous body wants it to. I pinch my clit again and rub the hood up and down creating a very intense feeling deep within my stomach. I take my fingers and I gradually position them over the entrance to my pussy and I hover momentarily letting Josh think about what Im about to do. I dont want it to be too easy for him. When I think that both Josh and I cant take anymore I plunge both my fingers into the depths of my pussy. I almost explode at the exquisite feeling. I pump my two fingers in and out of the moist hole that is giving me so much pleasure, even without a cock. I now ease in a third finger and up the pace of the thrusts creating a burning friction that gives me both pleasure and pain. I love it! I can feel my impending orgasm building and it wont be long before Im coming apart at the seams. Two more hard thrusts and my insides explode with the pleasure. I can feel my pussy clamp down on my fingers and coat them with my juices. God, that was one of the most sexiest things I have ever done, but now I just feel spent. Josh gets up out of his seat and walks slowly over to where Im sitting on the desk. He puts his hands on either side of my thighs as I finally pull my three fingers out of my pussy. I bring them up to my mouth and I start licking my juices letting Josh know that nothing is too taboo to me. The two of us together could really open up some doors sexually. Before I go to lick the last drop off my fingers, Josh grabs my wrist gently and brings my hand up to his mouth he starts licking my fingers with his tongue. It feels amazing but sensual both at the same time. Josh then puts all three fingers into his mouth and sucks every last drop from them before finally letting them go. You taste fucking amazing Sophie. That was by far the sexiest thing I have ever had a woman do for me. Having you do it though just set the bar way up there. Josh motions his hand way above his head so that I can get an idea of just how far I took it. I would love to fuck you on that desk right now but I think Im going to have to take another shower because I seriously just came in my pants. Yes, he couldnt control himself and has just wasted his load straight into his jeans. I will take that as a compliment. Josh, performing for you right now is reward enough. Believe me though; I will be coming for my prize very soon, have no doubt about it. I want you ready any time, any place, anywhere. I might just attack you when you least expect it. I lick my lips to get rid of the dryness but it comes across sexily which results in Josh having to adjust himself in his pants

once more. Im ready anytime for you baby, you only have to say the words. I think Im a bit of a surprise to Josh. He isnt used to women taking the lead in bed, but I know hes loving it all the same. Josh stands by me and gives me a lingering kiss to show his appreciation of the show. I love being able to stir him up beyond anything that he has had before. Go and get cleaned up Josh, you have the show in a couple of hours. Ill do the same when you are finished. Im dismissing him and he gets the point. Josh winks at me as he exits my office. I fall back on the desk and breathe a huge sigh wondering where this dominant side of me has come from. All I know is that Josh loves it and it boosts my confidence tenfold. Okay no more slacking. Its time to get cleaned up and back to work before tonights final show in San Diego. Josh I step out of the shower and I contemplate what I have unleashed in Sophie. Has she always been this sexual or do I bring out the best in her? The show she put on for me earlier blew me away. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever expect her to masturbate in front of me. God, Im not complaining it was out of this world. Sophie laid spread eagled on that desk would have to be up there in my top fantasies, but it seems Im one lucky son of a bitch to actually see that in reality. Sophie is a truly beautiful woman but she is at her sexiest when she gets down and dirty with me. Her breasts arent huge but they arent small either, they are just perfect and her pussy, god her pussy. When my cock is plunged deep inside of her pussy, that is really when Sophie comes alive. The way she writhes and shakes with every punishing thrust of my cock can completely undo me. The way she scratches my back with those long fingernails of hers pushes me onwards to the point of no return. I just love making Sophie come over and over and driving her body over the edge is what I live for. I can hear the guys in the dressing room getting themselves in order for the last show in San Diego. I brought my gear in here so that I could think and get my head in order and decide exactly what Im going to do about Mickey. I love the guy deep down but I cant allow him to get close to Sophie. I have discovered over the last few days that I care for this woman deeply and I will protect her until I take my last breath. I still cant believe that someone as special and as beautiful as her could ever be interested in someone like me. Flawed and broken. Hey cocksucker are you ready to come out here with us men or are you still putting on your make-up? Mickey shouts from the dressing room. I think his recent interest in Sophie has everything that comes out of Mickeys mouth irking me beyond belief. I really dont want to hear anything he has to say, but I have to keep up the pretence for now for the bands sake. Im fucking coming, just give me two seconds to get my cock in my pants will ya?! Jeez

whats the fucking hurry? we still have an hour until we are due on stage. I walk into the dressing room to sit with the guys and have a beer until we are called onto stage, when my eyes are assaulted by a picture that I never want to see, ever. Sophie is sitting on one of the two seater leather sofas and Mickey has planked his ass right beside her barely giving her any room to breathe. Sophie looks rather uncomfortable at Mickeys closeness and the other guys seem to be waiting for another bomb to go off between Mickey and I. Im going to keep quiet for now. I cant risk anything going fucking wrong with this tour, but god Mickey is pushing my limits and if we were anywhere else but here I would decimate him. You okay babe? I have to ensure that Sophie is okay because if he is making moves on her I will make him pay later. Yes Josh Im great. Are you excited about tonight? Sophie says with a grim smile that tells me everything I need to know about Mickeys advances on her. She is so uncomfortable its obvious. It would seem that Sophie wants nothing to do with Mickey and it makes me so happy to know that. The guy is a slime ball. I smile back at Sophie, but not without letting my intentions be known to Mickey. The thing that annoys me is that he just smiles back at me as if he isnt worried about what Im going to do to him. Let me tell you, he will be worried when I put him in the hospital. Whether he comes out again is another matter. I put my hand out to Sophie for her to take so that I can get her out of that situation and into my arms, where she rightfully belongs. Sophie gratefully takes my hand and I take her over to the single bucket seat in the corner and she sits in my lap. God, she smells divine, she is definitely just out of the shower. Oh, how I wish that I was in there with her again, although I dont think we would of got out of there in time for the show. I want to tease her a little so I begin to talk dirty to her. You know I havent been able to concentrate since I saw you with your legs spread wide on that little desk of yours. The way you teased me with your fingers rubbing your breasts and then working your way down to your clit was fucking hot. Sophie squirms on my lap and I can feel the stirrings of another erection. There is no way I can go on the stage with a fucking boner, thats Mickeys expertise. Josh are you okay? I must have a look of pain on my face as Sophie speaks with a worried expression upon her face. I wont be if you keep wiggling your little ass on my crotch woman. Sophie lets out an adorable little giggle that melts my heart. However, we are met with Mickey raising his eyebrows in annoyance. Well, at last we are getting on his nerves; I like him seeing just how

close Sophie and I are becoming. Maybe, just maybe he might lay off my woman. Although, deep down I know Im kidding myself. One of the roadies bursts into the dressing room to tell us that we are due on now. Sophie quickly scoots off of my lap and stands to wait for me to get off my seat. All the other guys are quickly downing their beers and depositing their bottles into the nearest trash can. As Mickey and the others are heading towards the dressing room door I make a grab for Sophie and give her the most passionate kiss she has ever had, I make sure of that. Im totally consumed by Sophies soft lips and the feel of her tongue against mine. I convey every little emotion that I feel for her and I leave her shell shocked with the intensity of my desire for her. I give Sophie a wink and leave the dressing room and a breathless Sophie to pull herself together before she makes her way to the stage to watch in the shadows. Well, I guess there is absolutely no doubt to how I feel about her now. All the guys are going to be aware of that fact as well. Im feeling pretty good about this whole blossoming relationship between Sophie and I. As we are standing by the stage door Mickey decides to stand right beside me. How did I guess this was going to happen? Is someone feeling a little hard done by or jealous? I was simply letting Mickey know that I wont let him chase Sophie without a fight. She is mine and I cant have Mickey tainting anything we have. So I guess you thought you were pretty clever back there, right? Mickey says sardonically. Its so damn obvious he is annoyed but that makes me feel all the more smug. Nothing clever about it Mickey, all I was doing was giving my girl a kiss before we hit the stage. Im allowed to do that seeing as she is my woman. I can see Mickey clenching his jaw and pumping his fists at his side but, like me he doesnt want to go at it just before we are due to hit the stage. Yes, there is plenty of time for that later. Let me tell you something Josh, she may be your woman for now but I will get my hands on her, mark my words. What makes you think that you are so damn special? I dont answer his question. He flashes me the most arrogant smile known to man. Before I can contemplate further we are called on to the stage. We make our way to rock out to the crazy crowd.

Chapter 15
Once I pull myself together after another earth shattering kiss with Josh, I contemplate what exactly is going on with Josh and Mickey. I know for a fact that there is more going on between those two than just his disapproval of our relationship. I know that Josh had a one night stand with a girl that Mickey was apparently interested in but that alone wouldnt be enough for the two guys to fall out over, would it? I know Mickey isnt really interested in me and the only reason he is flirting with me is to get back at Josh, but why? There has to be something deeper going on but with neither of the guys wanting to volunteer this information its going to be hard to get to the bottom of it without seeming like a nosy bitch. I smooth out my clothes so that I can at least look like Im composed but in reality Im anything but. The intensity of our interactions never get any less than the time before. Im totally and utterly consumed by Josh and that thought scares me, a lot. I walk out of the dressing room door and make my way to the stage where I will sit in the wings and enjoy the show. We are heading out again afterwards. I stand in the wings and really get lost in the music. I have grown to love rock music over the last few weeks by just stopping what I have been doing and listening to the guys practise. They have such dedication to their craft and Im in total awe for each and every one of them. About halfway through the show Josh turns his head to the side and starts playing to me, only to me, and Im blown away at the love and the reverence in his expression. The loving look doesnt last long when Mickey catches Josh watching me but he doesnt look angry, he looks smug as if he is planning on putting our interaction to an end. The interference in our relationship from Mickey makes me angry but it isnt my place to come between Mickey and Josh. Surely they will work it out in the end? Wont they? As the song ends Mickey picks up his microphone once again but silences the guys so that he can say something to the audience. Now, as far as Im aware there isnt a scheduled break to chat with the audience, so what exactly is Mickey playing at? I want to thank you all for coming out to see us tonight. We appreciate our huge fan base here in San Diego and we hope to come back real soon. I do have an announcement to make though and I want you all to sit up and take notice cause its fucking huge! Mickey turns around to look at me and winks an acknowledgement at me, now I really am worried. He also turns and smiles at Josh and I just know exactly what he has planned. He is going to out us in front of the crowd, the bastard knew we wanted to keep this whole thing quiet.

Our very own lead guitarist, Josh has got himself involved with a lovely woman, so Im afraid he is now off the market so please dont be throwing yourselves at him anymore. You should see his lady she really is a stunner and whats more she works with us too! The female population of the crowd begins to boo loudly at Mickeys announcement. They are obviously all terribly disappointed that they wont be able to have a pop at Josh anymore. Mickey is making everyone think he is doing this out of the goodness of his heart, telling everyone to back off but in reality he is being a malicious prick. Mickey knows exactly how the media can be when a high rising rock star is said to be dating. They hound you until they get those privacy invading photographs that will be displayed in every tabloid in the US. I wont be able to walk down the street without them following me, it will make our relationship even harder than it already is. I wanted to keep it quiet for just a little longer. I wanted to be sure both Josh and I were going to be able make this work first. That idea has all gone to hell now that Mickey has decided to make everything ten times harder for us. Josh is absolutely seething in the far corner of the stage. I can see he wants to knock Mickeys teeth straight down his throat but is trying to hold it back so that he doesnt cause an even bigger scene. We both know this little speech is going to be in tomorrow mornings tabloids. This is huge news in the rock world especially seeing as it is Josh who is now dating. Crap! So without further ado lets bring on the stunning lady to the stage so that you can all meet her. Now I will warn ya, I dont want any booing of any sort because let me tell you she has a heart of gold. Shes gorgeous and I would totally have her myself if it wasnt for the fact that Josh has laid claim to her. He has got to be fucking kidding me? He wants me on the stage so that everyone is able to recognise me in the street. Mickey is so dead! I keep my feet planted firmly to the ground not wanting to move into the spotlight where Mickey is beckoning me. Why the hell is he doing this? What the hell have I ever done to him? One of the roadies comes from behind me and gently takes my elbow to lead me to Mickey so that he can have his fun. Yeah some fun, I like working behind the scenes not slap bang in the middle of the action. I want to cry but I will not allow myself to. Okay, so I have just been publicly humiliated but I wont cry, I wont. I walk over to Mickey with the help of the roadie and put enough distance between us as I can get away with. Just being near to Mickey right now is making my skin crawl, what a dick! Its not as if he doesnt know what the outcome of this is going to be, Im going to be hounded by the press, and I know it. My life from now on isnt going to be my own, so thanks Mickey, thanks a fucking lot! Well guys isnt she something else? I have to give it to Josh he really has surpassed himself

with this one. Anyway, this is Sophie and she is our new fashion stylist and I have to say she has done a pretty amazing job with our looks, dont you think? Mickey really doesnt care about anyone but himself and if Josh doesnt want to kill him then I will happily do the job myself. Why dont you say hi to all of our loyal fans Sophie? They take a very keen interest in the lives of the band so they will all want to get to know you too. Mickey shoves the microphone into my hands and its obvious Im not going to get out of this one. I really dont want to say anything to these people, fans or not. I want to keep a little bit of myself. I really dont want these people thinking that Im public property. Mickey bends down to my ear and whispers come on Sophie this is what you wanted wasnt it? You and Josh have an attraction so just give in. If You want Josh then you have to take what comes with that, dont you? Im going to have to suck it up and get it over with. I swear Im going to need a very stiff drink after this! ErmHi everyone. As Mickey says Im Sophie and Im the fashion stylist for the band. Enough is enough, that is all they are getting out of me. I basically launch the microphone back at Mickey and run off towards the wings of the stage once more, where I belong and sit down on my chair. This little show that Mickey has put on doesnt put me off Josh but it has set in stone exactly how I feel about Mickey. Mickey is an arrogant son of a bitch who thinks he can just willingly destroy lives as he sees fit. Josh was right about him from the start. I should of kept away from him and if he comes near me again Im going to cut off his cock and shove it straight down his throat. The show finally comes to an end and to be honest Im glad, it seemed to last forever. I can finally relax and have a drink with the man that treats me with respect, not the way Mickey seems to think women should be treated. Im joined by Josh almost immediately and he starts to massage my shoulders easing all the tension away, god he is great. Come on babe lets go and get a drink, I think we both deserve it. Yes lets get the hell out of here and away from Mickey, pronto.

Josh Im so fucking mad right now, I can almost feel the blood wanting to burst right out of my veins. I always knew that Mickey was a fucking dickhead but he has taken it to a whole new level. He really has developed a huge dislike to what Sophie and I have together and I have to find a way to stop it for good. I cant believe that Mickey did that in front of a sell-out crowd. My relationship with Sophie is brand new and neither of us knows exactly how things are going to go between us. Now its going to be even harder with us being in the public eye. The press are going to be watching us closely to see if they can get the dirt on both our private lives and that was part of the life that I wanted to protect Sophie from. Babe please doesnt keep going over Mickeys motives in your mind. Its not going to change anything now. Sophie says contemplatively. I know Soph, but you have to realise the shit storm that could blow our way if they start to interfere in our lives. There was a reason we wanted to keep it quiet. Oh no, Mickey just broadcasts it to the whole world two weeks into the tour. I could kill him. I sigh, is this the kind of life that I want. Any relationship that I have being torn to shreds by the hungry rats of the press. No doubt by now the news will have reached the press and they will be hounding the airport when we land in New York. Look we have one last night in San Diego before we fly back to New York for the next leg of the tour. Why dont we make it a memorable night, what do you say? Sophie has that devilish smirk back on her face and I know exactly what she is thinking. Why, Sophie are you planning on seducing me again? You know that is my favourite way of passing the time. Well the guys are all going out tonight to the club so why dont we head back and get the use of the bed for a change. Im just dying to feel you inside of me again. I have a little surprise planned for you. Sophie winks at me as she heads towards the back door of the arena. She cant leave me hanging like that; the woman is a damn tease. Sophie waits for me by the door with Trev, head of security. Theres no way we can even head back to the bus without the presence of Trev. There is going to be a huge crowd of fans and reporters outside and we need the protection from the resulting onslaught of the shouting. They all want their damn pound of flesh! Trev radios to his colleagues, who are gathered outside the arena. Their job is to keep the over enthused fans behind the security gate so that they dont get near any of the band, that now includes Sophie. Okay, guys Korey says that the crowd is under control out there but as you can imagine there

is a larger gathering than usual. Mickeys news has angered some of the girls so you have to stay close by me, especially you Sophie. As from now you are going to be a target and if you need to go anywhere during the rest periods of the tour you have to have one of the security team with you. Sophie looks shocked at the reality of the situation but I completely agree with Trev. I cant have Sophies safety being put at risk; her safety is of paramount importance. Okay. Its all that Sophie can say but at least she understands how important this is. Trev is here for a reason and I would rather he protected Sophie rather than me. I can handle the fame game but this is completely new to Sophie and it can be overwhelming at first. Right, lets get you two back to the bus then. Trev talks into his radio once more to make sure all is safe before we walk into the throngs of people waiting outside. Once more the all clear is given to Trev and he throws open the double doors and we are now faced with a huge amount of screaming fans, they are also surrounded by hundreds of reporters. Trev leads the way but also stays very close to both Sophie and I. The crowds of women have gotten very malicious with the majority of them shouting bitch and whore at the top of their voices. Hearing those two very hateful words has the rage pumping throughout my body once more but Sophie links her hand with mine and I feel more at ease. The reporter try and get in our faces. The camera flashes become more apparent as they try to get the winning shot of the new couple of rock. News travels fast; I wonder just what the price is for a clear photo of the two of us together? Sometimes I really hate the fame game, this isnt normal. Josh.Sophie look this way, lets get a good photo of you both together. One male photographer shouts above the rest. Obviously the competition is fierce. Josh, is it true it was love at first sight for you both? This time a female reporter shouts trying to get the scoop on our love life. Josh, so whens the wedding? For fuck sake where do these guys get their information from? Wherever it is they were totally misinformed. Trev pushes several of the reporters out of our way and gets us back onto the bus and away from the rats of the media and back into our comfort zone. Trev says his goodbyes and leaves us to settle back into the only normality that we know, life on the bus. I cant believe those women, who the fuck do they think they are? Those women dont know me and more to the point they dont know Sophie so why do they think they have the god given right to judge either one of us. The fans are so fickle and vain it makes me insane how they think because we are in the spotlight they can lay claim to us. Fucking morons! Right stop now. I do not want you giving those women another thought. Do I even look

bothered by it? No I am not; I dont care about what they think of me. I have never been one to give a damn about other peoples opinions of me and Im not about to start now. God, this woman is fucking amazing. She is exactly what I need in life; she could get me through anything. Have I told you lately just how amazing you are? No, not lately. She purrs at me as she wraps her arms around my waist. Sophie feels like home and I love it. Well, you are pretty damn amazing babe. Sophie smiles and looks very pleased with herself. Right lover boy take me into the bedroom, now. I want to have my way with you before the other guys get back. No doubt they will be hammered. Thats what I love Sophie, she gets directly to the point. I take Sophie by the hand and lead her into the private bedroom and I close the doors behind us. I lock the door and pull the drapes over the glass. Theres no way any one could possibly see the sexploits we will undoubtedly get up to. Before I even have time to breathe Sophie has ordered me to strip out of my clothes. Wow, this woman is fucking insane but the role reversal turns me on so fucking much. I love a woman that isnt afraid to take the lead in bed and dominate me for a change, instead of me having to do all the work all the time. I do exactly as Sophie says and stand as naked as the day I was born in front of Sophie. She looks pretty pleased at what she sees. I have a very impressive erection just waiting for Sophie to take command of. Sophie slowly and seductively strips out of her business attire and once again it has me wanting to pump every last inch of myself into her. Both of us are now naked, just the way I like it. Get onto the bed Josh, on your back and sit up against the headboard. Sophie says in an authoritative tone. I do exactly as she wants. When she comes around to the side of the bed where I am, she opens up the bedside drawer and pulls out a few items, but I cant see what they are exactly. I cant help myself, I take my hand and rub her pussy gently but with enough pressure for her to jump at the contact. I ease two of my fingers inside of her and reach up for her G-spot and she moans at the feeling but she quickly shoos my fingers away. I dont think so Josh. I have plans for you and they dont include you fingering me, well not tonight anyway. Well isnt that food for thought? Okay baby Im ready for anything, you know that. Use my body as you want. Its yours for

the taking. Sophie jumps on top of the bed and straddles me which I have to say has me even more excited than I was before, if that is possible. The excitement doesnt last long however when she grabs my wrists and handcuffs both of them to the metal headboard. Im totally immobile and its going to be fucking torture not being able to touch her. What the fuck Soph? I need to be able to touch you. No you dont Josh, this will heighten your pleasure. Please trust me. Im going to blindfold you now, trust me on this. It will be amazing. Holy fucking shitballs, blindfolded. Not only will I not be able to touch her but I wont be able to see her stunning body, crap! Sophie starts running her hands all over my torso and the feel of her soft skin rubbing over me has my erection throbbing harder. She traces her tongue down over my nipples and sucks gently sending shivers straight down my spine. Her tongue then works its way down past my stomach and stops just before it gets a chance to touch my aching cock. Oh come on baby, your killing me here. No Josh just let me love you some, okay. I sigh in defeat; I love the feel of her touching me but god, I want to touch her so bad. Sophie obviously knows exactly what I want because she now starts licking the head of my cock. Fuck me it feels fucking great. Once she is done teasing me she gives me an amazing blow job. One I wont forget in a hurry. Sophie takes me all the way into the back of her throat and Im once again blown away at her skills in the bedroom. She massages my balls while sucking me off and I can feel myself coming pretty rapidly. Sophie, Im gunna come if you dont stop. Im going to end up coming in your mouth babe. I would love to come in her mouth but I wont if she doesnt want me to. Come in my mouth Josh, come on I want to taste you so bad. God, this woman is like a unicorn, there is nothing she wont do. She sucks hard on the head and I find myself coming hard into her mouth. Sophie takes every last drop that I have to give her and she milks me dry. Sophie takes the blindfold and handcuffs off of me and Im given the treat of seeing her playing with my come in her mouth. She then swallows the whole lot down and wipes her mouth with the back of her hand and I find myself in total awe of this woman. How did I end up so damn lucky? That was out of this world, Soph. Im totally breathless and quite stuck for words. We are going to have to swap places very soon so that I can try that on her. Im just full of surprises Josh. I told you you would enjoy it, didnt I?

Oh yes you did. Now do I get to fuck you, I still have a hard on the size of the Eiffel tower. I need to bury my bone now. I dont have the time for sweet nothings I just want to bury myself deep inside of her. Oh Josh who said romance was dead? Sophie replies sardonically. I flip Sophie over onto her front and get her to put her head on the pillow and raise her sweet little ass up in the air. What a perfect sight that is. I aim my cock at her opening and thrust my way inside of her tight little cunt, god she is so fucking wet for me. Sophie you are so wet, did that little show turn you on baby? Sophie is incapable of coherent words so she just moans her response; I chuckle inwardly at how damn perfect we are for each other sexually. I pound Sophies pussy relentlessly until I can feel both my impending release and the shuddering of Sophies body underneath me. Oh God, Josh dont stop, please dont stop Im coming. Her wish is my command; I dont stop, I only push on further as I spill my seed deep inside of her. Fuck, Sophie that was fucking insane. Im not sure if I could ever get my fill of you; my cock is constantly craving your touch. Im panting and struggling to find my breath while Sophie has totally collapsed onto the bed. Josh I feel the same. The sex just seems to get better and better. God how perfect is this woman; could it be true that she is meant for me? We are just going to have to see how the next few days go, what with the press interest and Mickeys constant attempts at separating us. I wont let her go. I cant.

Chapter 16
Last night was by far the best night of my life. Josh was totally open to every suggestion I made to him and whats more he loved every second of it. Seeing the look of pure delight on his face as he came, multiple times. I told him his senses would be heightened and I think he definitely seen a different side to me last night. God, I feel so empowered and Im now starting to think that we could have a relationship where we are both equally matched. We are all sitting in the first class lounge of LAX airport awaiting our flight out to New York, where we will begin the next leg of the tour and Im so freaking excited! The atmosphere in here is pretty dramatic though, the tension between all of the guys is palpable and its only a matter of time before either Mickey or Josh voice their opinions on the events of last night. I dont think there will be any stopping them going at it once that happens. I leave Joshs side for a few moments to go and sit on the same sofa as Blaine, Tanner and Zack. I miss our banter and consider them really good friends. They are all lovely guys deep down, all apart from Mickey, I am sure he is missing the humanity gene completely. Hey Soph whats happening? You looking forward to getting back to New York? Zack asks while still keeping an eye on Mickey and Josh in case something breaks out. Not much Zack just bored and so ready to board this plane now. Mickey is driving me insane, I still dont know what he was thinking last night. I say contemplatively. I went over and over the reasons why Mickey would publicly declare our relationship, if you can call it that. We havent even said we would be exclusive yet. At the moment our relationship is purely sexual but yet Mickey still felt the need to broadcast it. Look Soph, you know about that one night a year ago when something went wrong with Mickey which resulted in Josh sleeping with that girl. Mickey has never made such a fucking fuss about a girl before so there has to be something more to it than what hes saying. I dont know what the hell it could be because Mickey doesnt even speak to us about it. Blaine says in a hushed voice, I guess this is a taboo subject that doesnt get brought up often. Can you guys tell me anything about that night? I cant understand how Josh and Mickey were great friends until that one night. Josh sleeping with that groupie that Mickey wanted wouldnt tear them apart like this, surely? Shes only a groupie she isnt worth the time or the effort in keeping a feud going, right? Thats the part that has me confused, it was only a groupie. She likely only wanted to sleep with Josh just to say she had and get something out of it for herself. Well, I guess I probably seen more of that night than I should have, I guess. Tanner speaks

up and it looks like Im finally going to hear about the events of that night. Zack and Blaine keep their eyes on the two brooding males sitting on opposite couches never taking their eyes away from each other. Okay, well Tanner could you tell me please. I dont want to pry but god I hate to think that I am the cause of Josh and Mickey being hostile to each other. Thats my fear, that I have destroyed a friendship that cant be repaired. Look Soph, Josh and Mickeys relationship has always been of the volatile kind. Its totally a love/hate relationship, always has been. They work best like that. So dont even think that this is because of you, its not a new thing. Tanner gives me hope that they may make up again and Mickey may be more accepting of this thing we have. Okay Tanner please continue, I need to know as much as I can. Well it all happened after one of our shows in Detroit and it was just like every night after a show, we all went out to get trashed and pick up a girl or two. The club was fucking insane. It seemed that every woman in Detroit had come out to this club just to get close to us. Let me tell ya I loved every single minute of it and so did Blainey boy here. Tanner winks at Blaine who looks very pleased with himself at the memory of that night. He is so sweet! There was this one girl who seemed to catch both Mickey and Joshs eye. Yes, okay she was pretty but too sweet for me if you get my meaning. I like my girls dirtier and more confident, ya know? Zack snorts out loud at that statement. This piques my interest in Tanners extracurricular activities. Oh come on dude that is an understatement. You like your woman fucking filthy with no inhibitions at all. Some of the stories you have told me has me cringing. You are a freak! Okay so Zack has filled in the blanks for me. Yes I fucking do! Tanner laughs at his own sexual exploits. Anyway, this girl was a good looking brunette, slim and dressed well, not slutty but not exactly conservative either. Well, both Mickey and Josh were definitely pushing to be the one to take her. I could be wrong but I guess she was only about nineteen or maybe twenty at the very most, usually they would aim their sights a little bit higher, you know? That my friend was jailbait with a big shiny red bow. I knew they were going to have to tread carefully or I could totally see them ending up behind bars for having sex with her. Those two think with their dicks rather than the brains they were born with. God, I didnt realise that she was that young. I wonder just how both of them could be so stupid to chase a mere girl and I dont just mean Mickey, I cant believe Josh could be so damn idiotic also. Well, anyway it was a cat and mouse chase between the two of them which resulted in some pretty heated arguments between Mickey and Josh. Mickey was practically begging Josh not to sleep with her; I totally

think that he would have begged on his knees if he thought it would make a difference. Tanner sighs and its pretty obvious the situation has affected them all. Okay. I understand that Mickey and Josh have had a strange kind of friendship but if Mickey wanted this girl so bad then why did Josh go ahead with his pursuit of her? Im pretty confident it would have been easy enough for Josh to find another girl, hes damn hot. I flush at my revelation; its very well telling Josh this but his mates is another matter totally. Blaine and Zack smile at my straightforwardness, obviously I dont get the nature of their relationship at all. Its a competition between the two of them. Who can hook up with the most girls or the hottest girls they can. Usually Mickey is totally up for it but on that night he wasnt standing for it at all. For some reason Mickey acted as though that girl was something special. She didnt deserve to be ruined by us lot. Charming! Well if I didnt know Mickey better I would have said he had morals but we all know that isnt true, dont we? Tanner snorts a response; yep even they have to agree that Mickey is not a gentleman, not by a long shot. He is definitely a wham bam thank you maam kind of guy. Anyway, Josh managed to escape with the girl and take her back to the bus and of course he had his way with her. While we were all still in the club we watched Mickey pace by the bar looking for Josh and the girl. When he finally realised that Josh had taken her away, Mickey was livid. He stormed out of the club and headed back to the bus. We all knew if we didnt get back to that bus we were going to have a dead body on our hands. Oh my goodness what happened then? Well they were fighting again and the girl ran right past us while she buttoned up her shirt. I have never seen Mickey as damn angry as I had that night. Josh was lucky he was still alive, lets put it that way. Oh my god, she was only a groupie, why the hell would both of them let it play out like that? The thing is Soph; lately I have seen Mickey talking quietly on the phone to someone. I dont know who, but the way he is talking on the phone I could only guess its a woman. We think it could be that girl. No proof to back it up though, but something is definitely odd. I think this goes deeper than any of us would think. This is not typical Mickey behaviour. I happen to glance over my shoulder and Josh is walking over towards us. They just called our flight, you ready to go babe. I pick up my hand luggage and stare at Blaine, Zack and Tanner. I nod in appreciation of them talking to me. Im more confused than I was before and this flight is going to give me a lot of thinking time, whether I want it or not.

Josh The flight went quickly with no drama, which is a miracle in itself. The atmosphere in the first class departure lounge was god awful, neither Mickey nor I taking our eyes away from each other. I didnt like Sophie being subjected to the intensity of it so I was very glad when she went over to talk to the others until our flight was called. Sophie seemed to be in a very hushed kind of conversation with them and I knew exactly what they were talking about, it was very obvious. They were talking about that night in question, the one where me and Mickey came to blows over that little brunette; I still dont know what her name was. I know, what a douchetard! During the flight Sophie fell asleep on my shoulder and Blaine was sitting opposite me so I decided to grill him for info. I want to know exactly what they told Sophie about that night. I know there is no way to get around the fact that I was a complete dick to that girl. I know Soph will think that Im a horrible person and who could blame her? There is something about Sophie that makes me want to be a better person and Im beginning to regret my actions towards that girl. That is a total 360 for me, I cant remember the last time I felt sorry for using a woman. I know for a fact I wouldnt do that to Sophie. Pssssst Blaine. Blaine looks up from his Kerrang magazine and his eyebrows knit together in frustration, he knows exactly what Im going to grill him about. Look man she deserved to know the truth. She would of only found out in the end and I reckon she would have been more pissed then. I know it didnt put you in a very good light but hell man that night was nuts. Blaine shrugs his shoulders and shakes his head at the memory. I know I acted like a complete ass and if Im being completely honest I wasnt overly attracted to her really. It was more the fact that Mickey wanted her so I decided then and there that I would go after her. You know what we were like with women. I still dont understand his reaction, never before has he acted like that. I dont know either man but he obviously wanted her or else he wouldnt of acted like that, think about it. I do think about it and it still doesnt make sense. The thing that keeps coming back to me is how he didnt make his usual moves on her. He talked to her like he knew her or something. He spoke nicely to her; he didnt flat out tell her that he wanted to fuck her like he always does. I mean even you know that, he leaves nothing to the imagination. I still think the same thing as I did back then; there was something more to the whole thing. That thought is left hanging in the air as Sophie yawns and removes her head from my shoulder. She stretches and eyes both Blaine and I curiously as to what we have been

discussing, we both try to look nonchalant but I dont think Sophie buys it for one minute. Hey baby did you sleep okay? Were just about to land; we have another bus waiting on us to take us to the Hammersmith. I smile reverentially at her. Sophie pouts her bottom lip out at the fact that we have another show tonight. I really want to bend down and suck her lip into my mouth and hear her little moans of pleasure. No, I wont give Blaine the pleasure of a front row seat of a sex show. The plane makes a smooth landing at around 1pm and we all bundle out of the aircraft and we are escorted by Trev to our awaiting tour bus. Once again of course there is a large crowd of adoring fans waiting for us. Sophie looks a little awkward at the adoration the fans feel for complete strangers. I will be two seconds Soph, I need to do a few autographs to keep the fans happy then I will be right with you. Go on ahead with Trev and he will get you safely into the bus. It kills me for Sophie to leave my side but I dont have a choice, her safety is paramount. Okay, Josh Ill go and get settled. Ill be waiting. Sophie winks at me and I can almost feel my balls tighten in anticipation of another sex session with Sophie. Its amazing how one little action like that can have my love tool jerking in response. What a woman! I head on over to the barricades and pick a couple of random fans to sign autographs for. One girl wants me to sign her tits, I roll my eyes. Surely it would be better to sign an actual bit of paper for her; the signature will just wash off as soon as she hits the shower. I dont understand some of our fans at all. Please sign my tits; Im never going to wash it off. Never wash it off? Is she freaking insane? Okay if you insist. I sign her tits and cringe inwardly at how personal the fans are becoming. Could you pose for a photograph with me? Please Im your number one fan. The girl squeals loudly in my ear. Well at least that is a little more normal, posing for pics I can do. The girl passes me her phone and I point it away from us and I pose with her and take the picture but she leans in and kisses my cheek. What a fucking cheek! Im not public property! I hand the girl back her phone and make my way to the tour bus with one of the security personnel and Im so glad to be away from the screaming fans. It can become very tiresome especially after a long flight. I head on back to the tour bus and find Sophie sitting with Zack and Mickey at the kitchen island discussing tonights show. I guess Sophie has managed to sort out our image for what

feels like the hundredth time during the tour. God, old Tony changing things at the last minute must have Sophie under even more stress. As I get closer to them Sophie looks up and Im rewarded with the most breath-taking smile any guy could ever get. She is the most beautiful creature I have had the pleasure of laying my eyes on. Mickey is eying me curiously and I cant help but think he is plotting something but what I cant be sure. Mickeys phone starts ringing and he gets up and takes the call in the bathroom which piques both mine and Zacks interest. Zack and Blaine have made me rethink that night again and I know now without a shadow of a doubt that there is something more going on with that girl. Mickey is hiding something from us all and I decide to make it my mission to uncover the truth, something is just not right about the whole situation. Sophie come into the entertainment room with me, I want to talk to you. Oh okay Josh, excuse me Zack. Sophie says politely to Zack. Sophie follows me into the entertainment room so that I can discuss the issue that is Mickeys big fucking problem. Okay so erm I know that you know exactly what happened that night Soph. I realise that you will think Im a complete dick with the way I behaved but that isnt me anymore. Im having a job convincing Sophie let alone myself. Im just waiting for me to fuck up again, its inevitable. Look Josh, I know that its in the past and I know it should stay there but I just cant seem to understand what got into the two of you that night. She wasnt any more than twenty for Christs sake. Sophie, I know it was fucking stupid and its totally fucked up my friendship with Mickey. Although this has happened before and he never acted like that. I need her to understand, I cant have this standing in the way of ourour relationship? Can I even call it that yet? Well Josh the damage is done now but I really think you should get to the bottom of it before things are irreparable. He was a good friend of yours once and I would hate to see the band suffer for it. I know shes right but can I swallow every last bit of pride I have and apologise to Mickey? I dont know. I know your right Soph, Ill suck it up and sort things out once and for all. Please dont let this affect us though. I love spending time with you, I love talking to you and most of all I love when you point out how much of an ass I am. I dont often do as someone tells me, but you have me questioning everything. Its the truth, Im beginning to question everything about my past and it has me wanting to be a better man. Good. Go and get it sorted sexy and then you can get prepared for tonights show.

Chapter 17
The first show in New York has gone brilliantly and all the guys are amped at how much support they have received on the tour so far. Its gone amazingly well and Im proud of each and every one of them for their constant hard work into making the whole thing a success. As the guys come off stage Josh looks very preoccupied and I wonder what has him so worried. I hope that Mickey and Josh were able to sort out their differences and move on with their friendship. They have too much to lose and the band would suffer if they couldnt put the demons of that night to rest for good. There has to be a reason that Mickey got upset over Josh sleeping with that girl and I really hope that Josh found out what it was. I stand at the side of the stage and wait patiently for Josh to put away his prized guitar and join me for a celebratory drink. Josh takes longer than anticipated and I walk across the stage to see what is taking him so long. When I reach my rock god I wrap my arms around his waist and snuggle into his back. He feels very warm and sweaty but I love the smell of him after performing. Josh tenses up and its when he does this I realise that something is terribly wrong. Josh never tenses up in my presence; we comfort and relax each other when we touch. I instantly pull away from him and my body is suddenly wracked with a feeling of dread as to the reason for his reaction. Josh puts his hands in his hair and pulls hard. I always know when Josh is under extreme stress when he does this, its a nervous reaction. He is shaking all over and he just doesnt seem himself. He spins around to face me and he is totally emotionless, there is nothing on his face that I can associate with the Josh that I know. Im very worried about him. Josh what on earth is the matter? My heart is now beating a crazy rhythm and that horrible feeling of dread in my stomach has returned. I dread the words that are going to come out of his mouth momentarily. Soph I dont know if I can talk to you about this. I found out something I dont really want to face, but I have to. Maybe I have to do this alone. This is much worse than I could have imagined but I still want to help him, I wont let him do whatever this is on his own. Josh whatever it is you dont have to face it on your own. Im here for you no matter what, Im not going anywhere, I promise. Josh looks at me sullenly; somehow I just know that whatever he is going to tell me is going to shatter this thing we have into pieces. Josh looks at me warily no doubt having an internal battle in trying to decide whether he

should just come out and tell me this secret he has just discovered. Josh sighs a long and laborious breath so I guess he has decided to throw caution to the wind and just spit it right out. Okay Soph but I know you arent going to like it and it will probably end us before we really get a chance to start anything. Okay, now Im really worried. Look Josh please just tell me, I promise I wont interrupt you until you are finished. I want to support you in any way possible so lets get this out in the open, huh? Come on Josh lets stop fucking about, just spit it out. Okay, Well I did like you asked. I called Mickey out about that night, the one with the brunette girl. Well fuck me its worse than I could of ever imagined, like way worse. Oh crap, what exactly has happened now? Mickey wasnt going to tell me at first, he really did want to keep it to himself but his hatred for me was there for all to see so in the end he told me. I have done something awful Sophie. Josh grips his hair once again in an attempt to rain in his emotions but it is most definitely not working. Keep going please. I say this curtly, unintentional but I cant help it, I feel so apprehensive awaiting his next words. Sophie, Mickey told me, he told me, oh for fucks sake. Mickey fucking told me that I fucked his sister that night! Josh screams the last part of that sentence out at me and I can see the beginnings of tears prickling at the corners of his eyes. No way in hell did I expect those words to coming flying out at me. Holy fucking shit this is huge! Josh what do you mean you fucked his sister? I thought Mickey chased this girl too? Im pretty confused right now and I need you to clarify this for me because Im not getting this at all. Sophie, she was Mickeys half-sister, he didnt know about her until a week before I slept with her. Mickey wasnt chasing her to sleep with her, he was chasing her to get her to go home. He was concerned about her. So of course what did I go and do, yep I went and had sex with her, how typical of fuck up Josh, eh? Josh is actually beyond hysterical now and my heart is breaking for him. Oh Josh you werent to know. Okay, so you did something that you rightly shouldnt be proud of but Mickey didnt exactly tell you who she was. Sophie, she was fucking seventeen and I was too fucking smashed to take any notice of how old she was, more to the point I didnt give a damn. All I was interested in was fucking her brains out, thats all Im good for. I use and abuse girls at my will and whats more I enjoyed doing it! Joshs words sting me and it almost feels like a slap across the face. I wonder if

thats how he views our attraction. Oh Josh you have to be joking. I thought you said that you thought she was older than seventeen? You cant really be surprised that Mickey has an issue with you now, can you? Everything is starting to make perfect sense now. Mickeys half-sister slept with Josh and she was underage so Mickey is going to play the protective big brother and want to kill Josh. I know I would if I was in Mickeys position. I know Sophie, god I do. I feel like a complete shit for doing this and I cant use the excuse that I was smashed, I need to take responsibility for my actions. I have probably fucked up that girls future with the way I behaved. Suddenly a thought occurs to me and I try to banish it back into the depths of my head but It keeps on pushing its way back to the front until I open my mouth and the words come flying out without me putting in place my filter. Josh, please tell me you didnt take her virginity, please dont tell me you took that one thing away from her? I honestly think I already know the answer to that question and it scares me. Sophie, I swear I didnt know she was a virgin, she didnt tell me either, at least I dont think she did. Oh dear god give me strength. He cant even remember if she told him if she was a virgin or not. Losing your virginity is supposed to be a special thing and that girl lost it to a one night stand with a guy older than her, and he didnt give a damn about her. No wonder Mickey is ready to ruin everything for Josh. I hate to say it but he deserves it, Mickey was only looking out for his baby sister. Josh you honestly cant be that surprised by Mickeys behaviour towards us can you? Mickey was only looking out for his sister. She didnt get her special first time, instead she got a wasted rock star fucking her, she would have been sore but she wouldnt have complained because of your status, you should have noticed. You have to do something to try and make up for what you have done. You are damn lucky you arent in jail. Soph I dont know what Im supposed to do, Im still in shock about the whole thing. In all the years I have known Mickey, I never knew he had a sister. As far as we all knew he was an only child. Knowing this is killing me now. Josh sinks to his knees and puts his head in his hands and begins to weep as the realisation sinks in. I do feel bad for him but I feel worse for Mickeys sister. Look Josh, I can totally understand where you are coming from but think of his sister, imagine how bad she feels. Now stop acting like a damn pussy and pull yourself together, you and Mickey need to work through this and work through this now. Get your ass off this stage and sort it. Josh nods repeatedly. He grabs both my hands and squeezes them before he swiftly walks off the stage to try and make amends with one of his oldest friends before its too late.

Josh The news that I fucked Mickeys half-sister has rocked me to the core and I cant believe that I ruined her chances at a memorable first time with someone that loved her and could be gentle and caring with her, instead I was the guy that treated her like a bit of meat. I didnt particularly find the girl attractive to my tastes but I suppose she did have a certain appeal for some guys. Both Mickey and Blaine tried to reason with me, that I didnt need to bed a quite clearly underage girl in order to get my kicks, but would I see reason? Would I hell! Apparently her name with Jasmine, I didnt know this but then I didnt take the time to find out. All I wanted that night in the club was to fuck her brains out. Another notch in the bed post. God, I cant even remember exactly how many notches I have collected. They all pale into insignificance. Not one of those girls or women ever meant anything to me. I didnt care about their feelings when I kicked their asses to the sidewalk. I never thought anything of it when they gave me their cell numbers and I ripped it up in front of their face. I never cared a damn when I looked at them in disgust and sneered at them after sex. I had to cut myself off emotionally a long time ago and I forced myself to not care about people that could potentially hurt me, my past took care of that. Its highly likely that all those girls felt used and worthless after our encounters and probably will suffer trust issues in later relationships, but did I care? Did I fuck! The guys are the only ones that know just how broken I am. I cant honestly say why I treat women with such distain. Okay, so I know I had a shit past and that probably plays a huge role in my treatment of women but it really is no excuse to as why I treat them so badly. They dont deserve it, not by a long shot and Im very surprised that I havent been in the media more for my scandalous bedroom antics.. The only exception to the rule is Sophie. Sophie has opened me up to a world of possibilities and dare I say it, love? I need to learn to let go of the past and grasp the future with open arms before it is cruelly taken from me mainly due to the demons of my past grasping to destroy the peace I have now. Sophie truly does make me want to be a better man, something about her makes me stronger and I know its a clich but, god I want things I have never wanted before, with her. Sophie is such a strong woman, she isnt scared of my fame or the lifestyle that I represent. She accepts it and tackles it head on, happy to take all that comes as a part of me. She is totally awe inspiring and even though she doesnt seem to have a past like mine I know there will be some secrets lurking around the corner, but Im happy to accept them and fight them with her. I think Im turning into a pussy in my old age.

I head back into the tour bus and by pass the other guys and Trev to find Mickey. He isnt with the others so he is either in the private bedroom or he is in the bathroom. Dude leave it till later I dont think Mickey will want to be disturbed right now. Hes erm busy. Tanner shouts above the noise in the kitchen to try and deter me from my goal, sorting out the massive elephant in the room, Jasmine. Look Tanner its now or never, it has to be sorted otherwise the whole thing is just going to go to shit, you know that. I yell back to Tanner who has now opened up his fourth beer and is busy pulling the ring to open it. Thats all we need is a shit faced Tanner again; I was beginning to enjoy the sober version of him. I knew it was too good to be true. And do yourself a favour Tanner, put the damn beer away its doing you no favours. Oh, Josh its just a few beers its only to be sociable. Great back to the Tanner in fucking denial again. Right now I dont have time for this drama, I have to sort the Jasmine drama first before I can move onto the issue that is Tanners increasing drink problem. I check the bathroom first and find it empty so I assume he must be in the private bedroom, the reason why Tanner told me that he didnt want to be disturbed. Well Mickey is just going to have to suck it up and get over it. As I stride over to private bedroom door I catch a glimpse of Sophie entering the bus and she settles down at the kitchen island with Zack and Blaine. That girl over there is the reason that this has become so damn important to me; I cant stand the look of disappointment on her face. Its very important to me now to make her proud of me and it matters a lot to know what she thinks of me. I give her my best smile to assure her that things will be okay, but deep down I really cant be sure how this is going to work out between Mickey and I. I swiftly open the door and enter the private suite without word or warning. Mickey is going to damn well listen to me whether he wants to or not, this has gone on for long enough. As I stand by the door I can see the exact reason he wasnt to be disturbed. He is currently balancing a curvaceous blonde on his dick. In true Mickey fashion he doesnt stop what he is doing but continues to assist the blonde in her job to give Mickey some relief. He really doesnt have any shame but I wouldnt expect him to, this is Mickey we are talking about. Right whore get out the bed and get out of this bus, now. Me and Mickey need a quiet word without him having any unnecessary distractions. I say to the blonde with no name. She looks shocked at my words. What did she think I was in here for? Did she think that I was standing there so I could watch Mickey and her get off? Give me a fucking break! Cant I even finish what we started? Im so close. The blonde utters those words with mock annoyance. Is she more stupid than she looks, Im in no mood to be fucked about. Im ready to chuck her out myself when Mickey takes the reins.

Right slut get your things, youre going. Mickey quickly lifts the blonde by the ass and deposits her on the floor whilst Mickey swiftly pulls on his boxer briefs. She quickly puts on her non-existent dress and stares both Mickey and I down. You two are fucking losers; Im not a piece of meat to be used. She walks out of the bedroom and slams the glass door shut behind her. Its a wonder the glass doesnt shatter into thousands of pieces. So, what was so important Josh that it couldnt wait until I had finished with my new toy. I think we said all there was to say earlier. Mickey says stoically. Mickey, we have to sort this, it cant be left this way, we have been friends for a long time. We may bitch at each other but I dont want to lose him as a friend. Bit late for that aint it Josh. You fucked my baby sister and left her shattered and broken. You took her virginity and didnt give a damn about it afterwards. Its taking everything I have not to kill you every time I see you. Mickeys tone is becoming more aggravated with each word and I cant blame him for wanting to kill me. Mickey I didnt know she was a virgin, she didnt tell me and well, I guess I was too wasted to notice. If I had known she was your sister there would have been no way I would of fucked her. I say sullenly. God Im making it worse. She was my fucking sister you dickhead! Mickey explodes at me and starts throwing punches to my face repeatedly striking my cheekbone and jaw multiple times. The pain explodes around me and I can feel every ounce of wrath from Mickey. Its this exact moment that I realise that things will most likely never be the same again. I curse my drunk stupidity of that night. The blows suddenly stop when Mickey is pulled off of me by Zack. I stare up at the two of them and see that Mickeys eyes are glazed over by tears, my actions have not only fucked up Jasmine but I have hurt one of my best friends. It hurts my heart that Mickey is shattered by my actions and I feel the biggest pang of regret in my whole entire life. Im destined to be a fuck up for the rest of my life. I dont deserve to have anything good or right in my life.

Chapter 18
I drag Joshs ass back out of the bedroom after Zack and Blaine successfully separate them from yet another fight, this is becoming far too common for my liking. I just dont understand why they cant just put the past behind them and move on. I can totally understand Mickeys point when he doesnt want to talk about the whole issue, it was his baby sister after all that Josh used and abused for his own entertainment. Josh has been very stupid and lacked the brains that he was born with on that night, but I think he deserves another chance to make it all right. Everyone deserves a second chance in life. I grab Josh by the collar of his shirt and drag him into the bathroom so that I can clean him up again; it seems I spend more time being a nurse maid than I do actually being a fashion designer for him. Dont get me wrong, I would happily spend my time caring and nursing Josh back to health if I had to, but god it pains me to see it be due to the fights between him and Mickey. Just once I would like to see some harmony develop. Josh, sit down on the chair and take your shirt off, I need to clean you up again. I say tight lipped as Josh looks up at me with his boyish smile but for once Im not in the mood for it. Baby, if you wanted me naked you only had to ask, you know that. That one statement has me boiling. For once Josh, I want you to take some ounce of responsibility for what you have done, you have to take this seriously. You have fucked up another persons life because of your loose morals. Surely to hell you cant be surprised at Mickeys reaction to you? I dont want to shout at him but I cant seem to reach him any other way. For fucks sake Sophie, I am taking this seriously. I cant get that whole night out of my fucking head! That look on her face as I told her to get out after I had finished fucking her, after she was useful to me. She was completely hurt and shattered and do you know what, I didnt give a damn about her or what she was feeling right then. This is what I do best; I destroy the people around me one by one. Eventually they all see me for what I am and one by one they leave me, its what I deserve! Josh shouts through wet eyes and not only is he feeling anger and regret he is finally feeling the emotion of empathy, he is finally seeing it all through Jasmines eyes. He doesnt like the person he has become and I know he wants to change it but I dont think he knows how. I want to help him face his demons but will he allow me? Joshs head collapses on my shoulder and I cradle his head with my hand and just let him cry it out. Josh has some major demons that he needs to overcome before he can allow himself to

be happy but whether hes ready for that kind of realisation yet I have no idea. All I can do at this moment is support him the best I can. Come on Josh I have to clean up your face its a mess, again. I stroke his face soothingly to try and ease his suffering although I know its a losing battle. The only one that can soothe his suffering is himself. I fill the sink with warm water and take the wash cloth to remove all the dried in blood that has been left on Joshs beautiful face. He closes his eyes and lies back to let me work away at his chiselled features. I love Joshs face just as much as his body but its his soul and his heart that has captured my heart. He is such a great person but he struggles to let that side out of him, probably due to his past which is a real shame. Josh grabs the wash cloth from my hand and throws it back towards the sink. He doesnt look very happy and I wonder what has made him flip this time. How I wish I could see into that head of his to see what he is thinking. I need to head out for a while, I need to think. This is doing me no good being stuck in this fucking bus day and night. It feels like a fucking prison, I need to breathe! Josh once again shouts the words at me and I balk at his reaction. I have to give him space otherwise he will distance himself further something I dont want. Okay Josh be careful though. I mutter but not loud enough for Josh to hear because he is already out the bathroom door and no doubt off the bus. I hope he comes back to me, I want to help him, his desolation scares me. I walk out of the bathroom to be met by Mickey. He doesnt have his usual cocky expression plastered on his face but one of worry and concern which is something I dont see often on Mickey. My heart does go out to him but there is also something I dont trust about him too. You okay Sophie? I know your worried about Josh but he can take care of himself, he has proven that time and time again. He doesnt give a fuck about anyone but himself. I bet you anything hes out there right now drinking himself into a stupor and chatting up the nearest girl to him. He always reverts to form eventually. Mickey says very seriously. There is no kidding or joking around now and thats what worries me the most. Josh isnt in the best frame of mind at the moment and I do believe anything is possible. We dont know that Mickey, for all we know he has changed for the better. Who is to say that he would do that again, we arent exclusive or anything but I feel like we have both developed a connection that is unbreakable. Can you not just bury the hatchet and move on from this whole horrible business? Im pleading with Mickeys better side to give it a go; surely he doesnt want the band to suffer for Josh and Mickeys issues. They are successful at last and they need to find some way to get past it all in order to continue to be successful. Sophie, you havent known Josh for long I know what hes like. Josh loves the chase of these

girls as much as I do. We crave the feeling it gives us knowing we have the power to decide what lucky girl is going to get that fifteen minutes of fame, simply by just sleeping with us. You wouldnt want to know how many girls he has fucked, its a huge number. Hes felt things for girls before and what does he do, he spoils it all and sleeps around again, breaking the girls heart into pieces. I like you Sophie so Im warning you; he will do it to you too. The last of Mickeys words echo in my mind and I begin to wonder whether he could be right. I dont know Josh deep down, I only know the parts that Josh wants to share with me. Has it been an act to get me into bed? No, I dont think it was. He treated me with the utmost respect and didnt make me feel like I was just a pawn in a game; he made me feel like someone that was special and I love him for it. Mickey are you trying to destroy the little that Josh and I have together out of hate and spite of what he did to your sister? Please dont kill the one thing that is keeping him going through all this. Dont do this to me. I actually feel that what we have could become something special if given the chance to develop and flourish. Surely he deserves some happiness? He may deserve to be happy but he never will. His past is full of secrets and its that, that is stopping him from moving on, its the exact reason he is a dickhead and will revert to form. Im sorry to say it Sophie but you are nothing more than a convenient fuck while he is on tour. As soon as he is back home that will be it, it will be Sophie Who? Mickey squeezes my shoulder and walks away from me and Im left to ponder whether I could have been so utterly wrong about Josh. My gut is never usually wrong but something deep inside of me is telling me to question everything about Josh. Where the fuck has he gone and why wouldnt he let me come with him? Now that everything is coming to light will he ditch me and just go back to how he used to be before I ever met him? Im not an insecure person but he is out there alone likely getting trashed in a club and he will be surrounded by many a beautiful woman due to his status. Will it take much for him to be tempted by what they are offering him or will he stay strong and honest to this thing that we have? Okay, so we havent actually declared a relationship between us but that is where it is headed for sure. We love being in each others company and the sex is amazing between us. I have never had sex like the sex that Josh and I experience, it is mind blowing and I really dont think I could get enough of him. I have to stop thinking like its going to end at any minute, Im only torturing myself. Come back to me babe, come back.

Josh I enter the nearest bar to the tour bus and settle myself down in a secluded booth at the back of the club where no one should be able to recognise me unless they were specifically looking for me. I like this place; it has charm and character, a rare find when you are in New York. Everything is usually fake and tarted up to the max so Im glad there was a rustic and old fashioned bar in amongst the New York glamour. New York can be a bitch of a place to be, if you dont look the right way then you can forget it, you will be cast aside without so much as a second glimpse. I prefer being on the road its much more real; you dont have to pretend to be anyone youre not just there to be noticed. The bar is currently playing one of our earlier tracks, dying. Well I guess the news has spread about our tour and our arrival in New York. Its nice to hear one of our earlier songs being blasted through the speakers as our new material seems to get played to the point of overkill. The bar, although rustic still has the normal clientele, bleached blonde bimbos out to bag themselves either a majorly successful actor or a hot rock star. The girls are so vain out here compared to back home and usually it wouldnt bother me but I crave the simplicity of Sophies actions. There is no mind games with her, what you see is what you get. These girls are so fake both in their attitude but also physically, not one girl have I been with has been natural, they are totally plastic. Its pathetic. Oh how I can change in the span of a few weeks, huh? I down my fifth Jagermeister, okay so it could have been my tenth; I totally lost count after number three. It seems every time life starts getting tough I turn my attention to the bottom of the bottle. I try to work my way through my problems but sometimes it overcomes me and I have to drink the pain away. Why Im drinking this time really has me confused, wasnt it me being slaughtered what got me into this situation in the first place? I was so drunk that night that I slept with a damn minor and Mickeys sister no less. I really cant comprehend my stupidity and my lack of human kindness at times. I push that thought back and try to focus on lining up each of the shot glasses ready for the waitress to collect. The drink has very obviously made a direct hit on my head by now and I can feel the room spinning slightly, maybe Ive had enough? Hell no. I am still able to think about my actions so I still havent had enough. I wonder how many it will take. Im interrupted from my destructive thoughts by a bleach blonde who obviously thinks its attractive to wear a dress that only barely covers her non-existent tits and ass. Thats one thing I love about Sophie, her body. She hasnt got the biggest boobs in history but she knows how to dress to showcase them to their very best. Unlike these women who think less is more. Is it

any wonder men fuck them and then leave them. They have no dignity so why should we treat them with any? The woman who I suppose I would have found attractive in another time hands me another drink. Jagermeister, right? What did she just say? What? Is it me or is this woman talking utter garbage, I cant make out anything she is saying. Maybe my mind is just somewhere else. You are drinking Jagermeister arent you? I brought one for you. I thought I recognised you when I was ordering drinks. Its Josh right? From Buried Alive. Well isnt that just fantastic, I pick the most secluded booth in the entire club and I get recognised straight away by a freaking groupie. Every damn time! What I wouldnt give just to live a normal life sometimes. Yep thats me, unfortunately. Im not looking for a shoulder to cry on, neither am I looking for a lay so its best just to piss her off straight away. Well Im sure its not all that bad Josh. Do you mind if I sit down beside you for a little while, Im a huge fan. Fucking great! Do I have much of a choice? Contrary to what people have heard Im not always a complete dick. No not really. So anyway where is the rest of the band? I would have loved to meet you all. Small talk to start with, really these girls usually just go straight in for the kill. They are chilling out on the bus but I needed a drink or two to relax so here I am. Plain and simple. Here you are. I have always loved musically talented men. Just something so sexy about a man that is good with his fingers. This woman raises her eyebrows suggestively and I know where this is going. Im trashed but I need to stay strong, I wont do this to Sophie. Is there? I sound bored and nonchalant. I really cant be doing with this attention and even though Im wasted the sound of this girls voice is grating on my last nerve. Oh yes. The way they can stretch those fingers to those hard to reach places and get a most beautiful sound from the instrument turns me on instantly. I find myself wondering what it would feel like to have those fingers manipulating something else. The woman begins licking her lips pushing her point across. Im staying strong and faithful to Sophie, I am. This girl picks up my partially tattooed hand and begins stroking my fingers making me visualise exactly what she was talking about. I shake my head vigoursly. I cant let this woman think that she has a chance with me. Im no longer that man, I refuse to use someone for my

own gain. Im a one woman man and that woman is Sophie. Look I think you have totally the wrong idea about me. I might be drunk but Im not looking for a cheap lay so you can quit the tactless flirting. I dont really find bleach blondes all that attractive anyway. I remove the girls hands from my wrists and place them back on her own thighs and gingerly ease myself up from my seat. God, I shouldnt have got up so quickly the room is now spinning at such a speed you would believe its on an axis. I put my hands through my hair and brace myself for a moment as I feel the sick feeling pass through my body. The girl is now looking at me with a look of pure hatred and malice that I fear she is going to cut me with a bottle. You can never be too sure what these groupies are capable of, they seem hell bent on being your next sexual partner that they would do anything. There is no need to be so rude. I thought you looked lonely and wanted to offer my friendship to you and maybe something else if you had played your cards right. The girl is delusional if she thinks I was going to fuck her when I had Sophie back on the bus. Well, I can tell you that that is definitely not going to be happening so off you go and find the next stupid bastard to try and snare. Gold digging bitch. I really had no intentions of being so rude but she is rubbing me up the wrong way. She looks angry but I just dont care anymore. I need to go and take a slash in the mens room then head back to the bus before Sophie worries about what has happened to me. I walk as steadily as I can and bump into the corner of the table and curse the damn thing to hell. I walk straight to the mens room and close the door swiftly, breathing a sigh of relief that I have finally dodged the clingy fan. I wonder how on earth I did it all before. Now I get all panicky and worried that these women want to sleep with me, yet before I was up for anything. I take a piss and shakily put it back where it belongs when the bathroom door swings open and crashes against the tiled wall and Im reunited with the crazy fan once again. Can she not read, this is the mens room. Can you not fucking read? You are in the wrong bathroom. Oh I can read well enough but you forgot something. The girl says with a little smirk. What the hell did I forget? The girl suddenly lunges forward towards me and smacks her lips against mine. No, no this is so very wrong. I dont want this at all. I fight against her lips but she only pushes harder against me and in my inebriated state its a losing battle. When I finally manage to push her off me, she falls to floor on her ass with a vibrating thud. Is she fucking insane? I brace myself against the wall and breathe deeply trying to regain some

composure before heading out and away from the crazy women that seem to inhabit the entire city of New York. Something catches my eye by the door of the bathroom and I look towards it only to have a chill run all the way through my body. This is the last thing I need and it most certainly means the end of my flourishing relationship with Sophie. Mickey is leaning against the door frame and has the biggest arrogant smirk plastered over his face known to man. Im fucking doomed. Well Josh havent you been a busy boy. Shit.

Chapter 19
Im sure Im going to wear a hole in the wood flooring at the pace Im walking back and forth in the entertainment room. Im so worried about Josh; he left over two hours ago to clear his head and has not yet returned. I worry about his state of mind at the moment its not where it should be; hes torturing himself over his encounter with Jasmine a year ago. I want him to take responsibility for what he has done but I dont want it to destroy him totally. He still doesnt deserve that, he made a mistake. Mickey on the other hand really has no right to act all high and mighty. If the shoe was on the other foot then he would have behaved in exactly the same way. He wouldnt have backed off a girl if Josh had asked him to. Mickey is also very guilty of treating women like utter trash and they both need a lesson in human decency. That being said however, it doesnt change the way I feel about Josh. I think Im beginning to fall deep for that man and there is nothing I can do to stop it. Where the hell is Josh and what is he doing? Mickey saw how worried I was about Josh after he was gone for an hour that he promised me he would go out and find him and bring him back to the bus. Maybe deep down Mickey cares what happens to Josh, after all they were the best of friends before this whole shitstorm started. I want them to sort this mess out; I cant bear to see Josh hurting over it now that he knows the truth. I hope Mickey can find Josh before he becomes too obliterated with alcohol. That is not going to help Josh right now, he needs to face this head on without the complications of being wasted. I have a little voice in the back of my head that keeps reminding me of the last time Josh got so wasted and what he ended up doing with Jasmine. Josh says that he wouldnt do anything to hurt me but does that count when he is so damn trashed that he cant remember what he has actually done. I need to get these stupid notions out of my head; Im not a silly insecure little girl. I have never relied on a man and Im not about to start. But, I want Josh for the long term and the thought terrifies me. Its a new emotion for me. You Okay Sophie, you look a little pale. You want me to get you a glass of water or something? Tanner asks sweetly. No Tanner its alright. Im just worried about the state Josh is getting himself into. I say with a tight smile. Tanner squeezes my shoulder and walks back to the kitchen; he knows Im not in the mood for talking so he respectfully leaves me to it. I dont have to worry about wondering about where he is anymore as the tour bus doors burst

open. I rush to the front of the bus to see if Mickey finally managed to get Josh home and what kind of state he was in when he found him. Its not good news. Josh is being dragged by both Mickey and Trev under the shoulders; he isnt even able to walk, hes that wasted. I was worried this was going to happen, why he couldnt just stay and talk to me. It would have been better than going out and getting himself into that state. God, is he even conscious? Thank god Mickey went out looking for him, I dread to think what could have happened if there was no one there for him. Mickey and Josh finally drag Josh over to the sofa in the entertainment room and lift him onto it on his side in case he is sick and chokes on his own vomit. My goodness what a state to be in. My heart is breaking for the emotional state of Josh. I want to cradle him and tell him everything is going to be okay but of course, I dont know that. I sit by his side on the sofa and stroke his forehead. His head is glistening with sweat and he feels very hot. Mickey could you go into the bathroom and get me a wash cloth soaked in cold water? I cant leave him in this state; he needs to be cleaned up a little. I ask Mickey without actually looking at him. I cant take my eyes off of Josh as he sleeps soundly. I could watch him sleep day and night. Hes so peaceful. Okay Sophie Ill go and get that. Mickey walks out of the entertainment room and comes back with my washcloth which he hands to me. I run the cloth over his face ridding it of the sweat. See, even his own body doesnt like him drinking so much it wants rid of it as much as I do. If only he had come back to me before he got himself in this state. Ill be back in a minute, I need to have a word with the guys. They will want to know what has happened here. Mickey doesnt wait for a response and is already out of the room. I just wish the heartache would stop already. You can see both Josh and Mickey are hurting over this but Mickey wont allow himself to forgive Josh. Thats the part that is destroying Josh. I need to get Josh out of his clothes and get Mickey to help me get him into his bed so he can sleep it off properly. I get off the sofa and ease his white V neck t-shirt off of his beautiful torso. I then work my way down to the belt on his jeans. I undo the button and fly of his jeans and ease them off his legs. I dont know where his shoes have gone to; maybe Mickey took them off when they got him back on the bus. I stand and take in the beauty of the man laying before me. In any other circumstance I would be immensely turned on at the sight of Josh in only his boxer briefs, but right now all I can think of is how totally vulnerable he is right now and how he reminds me of a broken little

boy. He needs to find some way of fixing it all. His beautiful body covered in his tattooed art has me in total awe of him. My thoughts are interrupted momentarily by Mickey coming back into the room. He closes the door behind him and walks up behind me and places his hands on top of my shoulders. The action sends shivers running through my body but not the good kind, the creepy kind. I always question all of Mickeys actions, especially where I am concerned. I have told the guys what exactly happened tonight, they are in the picture so they have all headed out themselves. It will give us all a chance to have a talk, well when I mean us all, I mean you and I because I dont think Josh is going to be talking all that much, do you? Mickey says quietly ensuring not to wake up Josh. Okay, Mickey so what exactly did happen tonight then? Its all very well you telling the guys what went down but do you not think I deserve to know too? I was the one going out of my mind back here on the bus. I need to know! I try hard to reign in my emotions but its so hard when my mind is running through all the possible scenarios and its totally fucking with me. Look Sophie lets get Josh into his bed then we can sit down and have a good talk about it all, yes? Mickey smiles at me but there is nothing behind his eyes and Im more worried than ever about his little chat. What exactly is he going to reveal to me? Okay Mickey have it your way. Lets get Josh into bed then it cant be very comfortable for him lying on that sofa, he needs to sleep the rest of that alcohol off. I sigh inwardly at the turn tonight has taken. Im angry at Josh at getting himself so trashed but I also hurt for him because that is exactly what he is feeling, hurt. If he wasnt he wouldnt behave in this way. Mickey stands at the head of the sofa and grabs Josh under the arms so that he is taking the heaviest end of Josh and I grab him around the ankles and we shuffle out of the entertainment room and down the main hallway towards Joshs cabin bed at the head of the tour bus. We ease Josh into the bed and I cover him with his duvet. He doesnt stir once and I reckon that will be him until the morning. His peacefulness touches me and I gently stroke his cheek one last time. Could this be love Im feeling? Right Soph lets go and get a drink and have a little chat, shall we? Great, lets get this over with then. Lead the way Mickey. I say with a tight smile. Mickey leads the way into the entertainment room while Josh sleeps soundly in his cabin bed; sleep is the best thing for him now. Doesnt stop me worrying though. I stand in the middle of the room awkwardly as I watch Mickey move about the room rearranging the carnage of Josh being carried through in his inebriated state. Once Mickey has

brought order back into the room he faces me and looks at me with an emotion I cant quite place. I dont know if its worry or is it pity that he is looking at me with. If its pity he can keep it, I have no place in my life for that emotion. Okay so what do you want to drink, Sophie? I think its best you have something, you have had a stressful day. It will help you relax. Mickey smiles kindly at me but why is it that I think hes hiding something from me. Only time will tell. Okay just give me a vodka and diet coke. I say curtly. I have no time for all his niceties, I want him to get down to the nitty gritty of the situation. Something deep down tells me its not going to be good. Mickey walks over to the bar in the corner of the room and leans over it to grab the bottle of vodka and a can of diet coke. The silence in this room is killing me and I burst into a fit of incessant giggles. Its either that or cry, I just dont know what to make of this situation. Mickey turns around on the spot and stares at me as if I have completely lost my mind. Maybe I have. Just when I thought things with Josh were going spectacularly, something has to turn up and ruin everything that we were building. You okay Sophie? Mickey looks worried. He hasnt exactly made it any easier either though. If they could just bury the hatchet it would make things that little bit easier. Oh Mickey Im fantastic, couldnt you tell? Things are just going amazingly well. Josh and you are frightening like cat and dog. Josh goes out and gets trashed and cant even get himself home. You tell a packed out crowd that Josh and I are a couple when even Josh and I dont know what this thing is we have. This situation is fucked up to say the least. I say sardonically. If Mickey cant see how bad this whole thing is then he is completely blind. Look Sophie I know things havent exactly been great for you but I never meant to add to it all. Okay, maybe I did make a mistake when I made that announcement to the crowd but I thought I was doing the right thing. Mickey does have a look of regret on his features but not enough to make me actually believe his words. Mickey seems to be a very fake guy and I dont know why. You may have not meant to add to it all but you did Mickey and its made everything a hundred times worse. Look, lets not prolong the agony here, just tell me what you needed to tell me and get on with it. Im so tired and I just want to get to bed. Im sure you do too. Im not in the mood for dancing around this issue any longer. I knock back my drink and prepare myself for Mickeys words. Maybe he is going to open up to me and tell me what things have been like since the Jasmine-gate. Okay. Sophie you want me to tell you then I will but its only because I value our friendship that Im telling you. Mickey knits his brows together and I can see the worry lines forming

on his forehead. Mickey stop with the crap get it out in the open. You are making me very nervous. Right, well after I left you to go and find Mickey, I was lucky that the first club that I stopped at happened to be the one Josh decided to go and drown his sorrows in. I searched the bar for him and couldnt find him anywhere but I found one of his plectrums on a table, he always thumbs those damn things when he is nervous or angry, so I knew he was either still here or he was in the bathroom. I took the chance and went to the mens room thats where I found him. Mickey stops mid speech and Im left hanging to find out what he actually found. Well come on then get on with it. I sound pissy with him but I need to know just how bad things got in that club. Okay but just dont hit me okay? What the hell kind of response is that? Im in no mood for this shit. When I swung open the mens room door Josh was there alright but he wasnt alone. Josh had a girl up against the wall, fucking her. They were both practically naked and he looked like he was having the time of his life. When they both noticed me Josh stepped away from the woman and she skulked past me and out of the bathroom. Josh had the decency to look guilty but not enough. After that I dragged his ass back to the bar where he continued with his heavy drinking. He passed out and I phoned Trev to come and help me drag his ass back to the bus. I just stare at Mickey unable to comprehend the consequences of his words. Im actually stunned and at a total loss for words, how could Josh do this to me. To us? Wait a minute, hasnt Mickey been trying to separate us for weeks now? What if its all lies? I wouldnt put anything past him, he doesnt like what we have and this would be his perfect opportunity. You are lying. You never wanted us together in the first place and this would be your perfect opportunity to finally do it. I dont fucking believe you! Josh would never do this to us, he promised me! Im beyond hysterical and the pain in my chest is unbearable. I can feel the tears rushing to my eyes and its pointless to try and stop them. The same question flys around my head, why would he do this? It just doesnt make any sense to me, I stood by him, Even with the Jasmine fiasco. I feel cheated, totally. I fall to my knees on the hard wood flooring and put my head in my hands and cry myself into oblivion. I hurt so badly and I cant even confront him, not that Im sure I would want to either. Mickey falls to his knees also and wraps his muscular arms around me and cradles my head to his shoulder. I let him because I need some comfort right now, Im in a world of pain and I just dont know how Im going to be able to continue with this tour when I feel so broken. I

begin to fight in Mickeys arms as the realisation starts to seep into my bones, the rat bastard cheated on me. How fucking dare he? I raise my fists and batter them down on Mickeys torso. I have to get my frustration out somehow otherwise I will implode. I have never felt hurt like this, ever. Mickey grabs me by the wrists and calms me, he knows Im hurting and he looks lost as to how he can make the hurt go away. Truth be told I dont think anything will make me better again. Although Josh and I werent in an exclusive relationship we both understood what was going on between us, at least I thought Josh did. Obviously I was wrong. Come on Sophie, hes not worth your tears. I told you he would fuck everything up one way or another and he has done. You are a strong woman and you dont need his bullshit in your life. Mickey strokes my hair reverentially. How could he do this Mickey? Did I not mean anything to him at all? The tears are now falling without reluctance and I have to get out of this room before I make a complete show of myself. I get up slowly and wipe my tears away with the back of my hand but its a losing battle as more just fill its place. Look Mickey Im going to bed I can only cope with so much shit in a day. Is it okay if I take the private bedroom for tonight? I need to be alone. I cant bear to be in the cabin bed tonight in amongst all the guys. Sure thing Sophie, try and get some sleep it will all look better in the morning. Mickey gets up off the floor also and grabs me by my arms, he leans down and gives me a peck on the cheek. I hardly feel it, I am totally numb. I hurt so badly. I head into the private bedroom and slowly take off my clothing. How could today have gone so wrong? Okay, so we still had the issue of Jasmine hanging over our heads but we were dealing with it. Then Josh just had to go out and get wasted, and of course he had to go and fuck some cheap skank in the bathroom of all places. Do neither of them have any selfrespect? I get into the bed and pull the covers over my head. I just want to forget about today, but I know Im going to have to deal with it tomorrow when I come face to face with Josh. Im so damn angry but that is overtaken by the hurt Im feeling. After everything he said to me, it meant absolutely nothing. I lie back in the bed and allow the sorrow to wash over me. I want to let it overcome me but I know I have to fight it, Im no self-pitying girl, but fuck it hurts. I let sleep take me whilst still crying my little heart out.

Chapter 20
I wake in the middle of the night and stare at the cabin bed above me. So I guess I must have found my way back to the bus and into bed, god knows how because I was completely trashed. I find my jeans on the floor beside my bed and fish my iPhone out of my back pocket and see that it is only just gone 3 am. Im strangely wide awake and my mind starts to muddle through the hazy memories of last night. I remember a few things mostly drinking copious amounts of Jagermeister due to my self-pity. I hate myself for hurting both Mickey and Jasmine but I really dont think there is anything I can do to ease that guilt. I am a prized dick for sure. Although the memories are fuzzy they are starting to come back to me now that Im semi awake. I remember the girl sitting with me at the table and attempting a half assed attempt at trying to flirt with me. Of course I shot her down; no one means anything to me except Sophie. The girl even bought me another drink in the hope that it would soften me up for the big kill. I remember walking to the bathroom to take a slash before I attempted to walk back to the bus. I knew it was going to be a staggered walk but I really needed the fresh air to clear my head before going back and facing Sophie. I knew I had stayed out too long and I would have to face the consequences of that. Just as I put my dick back in my pants I was confronted by that cheap little tart again. I have no idea why she just couldnt leave me alone. I made it crystal clear that I wasnt interested in her, but she really wouldnt take it. Some women are just totally oblivious to the fact that not every man wants to have her then and there. It wasnt even if she was totally stunning but she made up for that by the size of her ego it was definitely the size of the U.S. Some women really need to tone down the desperation vibes they emit. She came right at me where I stood and in the state I was in I was struggling to understand exactly what was happening. She practically launched herself at me. I was taken aback at the strength in her little frame. She pressed her over glossed lips against mine and pressed hard, she tried to force her tongue in my mouth and although I was pretty wasted I knew I didnt want this. She placed her hand on my nape and tried to force my head down further against hers but I fought with her. The whole time this was happening I knew that this was the last thing I wanted. I had the picture of Sophies beautiful face in my mind and the taste of her lips that pushed me on to get the woman off of me. Thankfully the force I exerted was enough to get her off of me. She fell to the floor with enough force for her to gather herself and get the hell out of the mens room. As she scurried out I noticed a dark figure standing by the door frame. Once the blurred vision had cleared I

realised that the figure was in fact Mickey. Of all the people it could have been, it just had to be Mickey. He has been trying to destroy this thing between Sophie and I from the beginning. The bastard wouldnt stop smiling at me. My stomach churned with fear and nerves at what Mickey had made of the situation in front of him. There was no point in asking him what he saw because I knew exactly what he would of made of it all. I swallowed back the lump in my throat as I stared at Mickey. He never took his eyes away from me. The conversation that followed sent chills down my spine. It seems youve been a busy boy Josh. Does Sophie know about your extracurricular activities? Mickey said with a sneer. Look, Mickey you saw what went on here dont make something out of nothing. Im near begging Mickey as I know exactly what he intends to do here. Josh I have no idea what you are talking about. You keep telling everyone you have turned over a new leaf so I take it you will be telling Sophie about your passionate kiss with the groupie, yes? Crap. There was no passionate embrace, I tried to push that girl off of me several times but somehow she managed to overpower me, mainly due to the amount of drink I had consumed. Mickey I wasnt kissing her back, you know that, you saw. Im pretty sure my eyes are swimming right now; I have had way too much to drink. My head is becoming increasingly fuzzy and my centre of gravity is no longer there. Come on Ill have another drink with you before I drag your ass home. Christ, another drink? Surely that will finish me off completely? Im damn well near paralytic now. I walk back to the bar with Mickey and we down a few vodkas and before I know it my surroundings go completely black. I must have passed out, I dont remember anything else until I woke up in the middle of the night in my cabin bed. I sit upright quickly. I need to go wake Mickey and convince him that he cant say anything to Sophie before I have the chance to explain everything to her. I need that chance, I need to make her see that it was nothing. She came onto me. I know Mickey will put his own spin on it, thats something I cant risk. Anything he says will hurt Sophie beyond repair. I ease myself out of bed. God, my head is banging worse than a beat being hammered by Tanner. I run to Mickeys cabin bed but the bed is empty. Dont tell me that he found a girl to have a good time with while I was out of it. Hopefully that might mean that he didnt get the chance to speak to Sophie before me. The whole bus is so quiet, Im so glad none of the others are awake; I could do without an audience on this one. I step up to the bedroom door and ease the door handle down quietly so

as not to alert him to my presence. I walk into the room and close the door behind me and walk over to the bed. I can see that Mickey isnt alone in the bed just as I thought. The sun is just starting to rise so the room has a glow so I can see the figures in the bed. I wonder who Mickey ensnared this time. I see that the girl has beautiful blonde hair just like Sophies. Wait a minute I stride over to the other side of the bed in a panicked daze as a huge question floats in my fuzzy brain. It cant be, I keep telling myself over and over, as if it will change the reality of the situation. The morning light is shining on the girls face and there is no mistaking those beautiful features. Sophie is in bed with fucking Mickey! That son of a bitch has managed to get Sophie into bed with him. I start pacing back and forth as my emotions start to sky rocket. Im so damn angry but god Im hurt. I thought what Sophie and I had was unbreakable. I have never felt a connection to a girl like I have with Sophie. Im stunned if Im honest. I knew Mickey was a back stabbing dick but Sophie wanted this as much as I did. I need to take action now; I cant just stand around here staring at those two in bed. Shes fucking breaking my heart into little pieces. I bound round to Mickeys side of the bed and pull back the covers; he is just lying there with his boxer briefs on. That fucking Judas! Mickeys eyes spring open and I actually wonder whether he was sleeping at all or was he just lying in wait for me. I bet he is loving this. Sorry did we wake you? Mickey says with the biggest sneer known to man. I want to kick the living shit out of him. You fucking son of a bitch! Why the hell did you have to do this, huh? You know she meant everything to me. I wanted her with everything I have, yet you just had to chase her. You dont want her; you only wanted to use her to get at me! Fuck! Im letting my emotions overrule me and Im now shouting at the top of my voice. I hate the bastard! Oh Josh dont be under no illusion, she enjoyed every minute of it. Mickey is now sitting up with his hands clasped behind his head and the rage within me is palpable. I am going to kick the living hell out of him!

Sophie I am awoken by a commotion in the bedroom and Im momentarily confused to as what is happening around me. I stare at the picture being hammered into my brain. I have sore and fuzzy eyes but there is no mistaking the scene that is playing out in front of me. Josh is completely hysterical. I look at the clock on the bedside table and realise that its only 3.30am. Josh must have woken up in the night; he must have come looking for me to explain what went on. Well isnt it a pity that Mickey beat him to it. I sit myself up on the bed and examine the commotion in front of me. Mickey is looking as cocky as ever and well, Josh to put it plainly is damn well crazy. Could someone please tell me what this is all about? Its only just gone 3am. I say through raw eyes. Josh falls to his knees in front of the bed and grabs fistfuls of hair. He looks so desolate and lost that my heart tugs for him but no, I refuse to give him any sympathy. He down right betrayed me and that in my book, is unforgiveable. I can see a single tear roll down his cheek, good Im glad he is hurting then maybe he might have just a little inclination to how I am feeling. He has absolutely no right to feel hurt, he did this to us. I need to get this all out before I self-combust. Soph, how the hell could you sleep with him? Mickey of all people, you knew he wanted us apart yet you still werent able to resist him, huh? Joshs hurt screams at me at my apparent betrayal. I dont have a clue what the hell he is talking about. I never slept with Mickey and I never would, how he could even think I would. Another thing, why the hell is Mickey in this bedroom in only his boxer briefs? Im so angry at Joshs quite frank and bold assumption of my sexual behaviour. How dare you, Josh. Why the hell would you think that I would cheat on you by sleeping with Mickey! There is only one deceitful asshole in this room, well okay maybe two but I still think you take the damn trophy for that one. The anger and venom in my voice must be apparent as Mickey even takes a step back away from me. Josh still eyes me with a fierceness that I have never witnessed. I hate him focussing all of his hurt and anger towards me but hell I havent even done anything. Damn you Sophie. I walked in here and found you both in bed together! Dont try and worm your way out of it by denying it. Hell, I cant even believe this is happening right now. Mickey edges closer to Josh. Look man just calm down a little you aint helping the situation right now by being hysterical. Mickey tries to calm Josh without much success. Dont you even fucking dare try touching me. At one point we were like brothers and you have completely destroyed that, you are worse than Rob do you know that? After everything

you told me about him and how much you hated him it has turned out that you have surpassed him. Josh spits the words out at Mickey and he visibly recoils at the sting of them. I have never seen Josh be so venomous towards Mickey and Mickey looks stunned at his words. Who is this Rob? Is it someone from Joshs or Mickeys past? Whoever it is he obviously has some hold over them. Come on Josh you know thats beyond the truth, way beyond. Im nothing like Rob, nothing. Mickey says desolately. His mind has now wandered somewhere else. Something tells me that this is a lot deeper than either of them is willing to let on. Fuck this shit, Im not going to stand around here and let you tear my past to shreds in front of Sophie. Low blow man. Josh grabs Mickey by the shoulder roughly as he tries to walk past him. He isnt letting Mickey go anywhere. This is a completely different side to Josh that I have never seen before and I really dont want to see again. You dont get to go anywhere, Im not done with you yet. Josh slams Mickey against the wall, hard. Mickey decides its not worth the battle to move when Josh is in this frame of mind. You son of a bitch, I would of done anything for Sophie. Okay, we may not have been talking lately but you damn well knew that! Josh is so angry I fear he may actually burst a vein. I really dont understand why the hell he gets to act like the betrayed one. Im not the one who slept with someone while I was wasted. In fact, why the hell did he say that he came in here and caught Mickey and I in bed together? I went to bed alone, I know that much. Josh why the hell did you say that you came in here and caught Mickey and I in bed? Did you take a knock to the head? Seriously? Josh laughs a sardonic laugh as if I just said something that was ridiculous. What the hell is his problem? Sophie I really thought better of you. Him other there, I knew he was a dick but you, I really thought you were different. Guess in the end all women are whores, huh? I slap Josh across the face. The slap reverberates throughout the room, it leaves a temporary mark on his cheek. Im so surprised that Josh could be so hurtful, so hateful, so down right horrible. The tears are threatening to break free again but I need to be strong right now. I need to confront him about his infidelity. Josh accusing me of being unfaithful with Mickey is ludicrous. However, Im still confused to why he said I was in bed with Mickey. How dare you Josh. I have stood by you when all that crap came out about Jasmine and this is how you repay me? You go out to a shoddy bar and get yourself absolutely hammered and fuck a cheap little tart in the mens room no less. Yeah you have some nerve giving yourself the moral high ground dont you think?

I cant stop the tears any longer they are now falling down my cheek full force. Im angry at myself for letting Josh see me so hurt that I cry. Im not a crier, never have been but Josh seems to bring out emotions in me that I buried long ago. Crying never did any good when I was the victim of school yard bullying. I have toughened up a lot since then but maybe Josh was the one that I finally felt ready to hand over my everything to. What a damn fool! Sophie I didnt fuck her, she came onto me and I pushed her away. Mickey saw it all didnt he tell you? Josh glances over at Mickey willing him to back him up. It isnt going to happen seeing as Mickey has already confessed all to me already. Dont look at me mate. You know I came into that bathroom and saw you fucking that little blonde up against the wall. Dont make it worse for yourself Josh. Sophie deserved to know the truth theres no way you could have kept it from her. I respect her too much even if you dont. Well Mickey dont sugar-coat it any. He does have a point though, I would have been more hurt if he hadnt said anything and had kept having a sexual relationship with me. You asshole, you know I didnt fuck her. I pushed her away as you came into the mens room and you know it. How can you stand there and lie to Sophie. As much as you hate me you know thats not the truth. I cant believe you would stoop that low. Josh is going crazy now and he is struggling to reign in any kind of control. Mickey again tries to grab Josh by the shoulders to calm him but Josh Is having none of it. Josh swings his fist back and before I know what is happening he has punched Mickey straight between the eyes. I just stand stunned in the middle of the room. I really dont know what to do, do I let them go at it or do I try to separate them? Josh and Mickey send blows into each others bodies rapidly. Mickey gets the upper hand this time and sends Josh flying across the room into the closet. Joshs face is in a bloody mess and I hurt for him but I really dont have it in me to help him. Blaine and Zack rush into the bedroom and pull Mickey off of Josh, the noise of the crumbling closet breaking having woken them. Come on you two enough is enough. This has gone too far get your asses out of here. Blaine shouts above my incessant tears. Mickey is dragged out by Blaine and Zack supports Josh on his shoulder to help him out. As Josh limps out of the room he gives me a look that can only be described as pure contempt and it hurts me more than I could ever say. I still dont understand why he said I was in bed with Mickey, it just doesnt make any sense. The realisation hits me like a brick square in the face. I love Josh and the pain of him cheating on me is dragging me under and there is the very firm possibility of me drowning under the

pressure of loving him so damn much. However, the reality of it is was that he was just using me. The pain is ripping me apart.

Chapter 21
Once again Im back in this damn bathroom and the memories flooding me are ripping me apart shred by shred. Just the thought of having Sophie under me, on me and dominating me is driving me crazy. How can one woman affect me so utterly? How can one woman own me like no other and how can I be hurt so damn much by one woman, one amazing woman. Ive done it this time, I really have. I called her a whore and the look of disgust in her face sizzled my insides into a liquid mess. I felt like the worlds biggest dick. At the end of the day though she slept with Mickey and that is something that is going to eat at me for a long time. Mickey must have loved that, bedding my woman. He has been looking for an opportunity to destroy me for a year now and well, he has done it good and proper now. Im devastated not only by Mickeys relentless chasing of Sophie but more the fact that Sophie gave into him after hearing his version of events. Complete bullshit! Mickey is a compulsive liar that is one fact Im sure of now. I will never again believe anything that comes out of his sleazy mouth. That liar told Sophie I fucked that girl in the bathroom and I did no such thing. I wasnt even tempted by her mainly due to the fact that I wanted nothing more than to be with Sophie when I woke up in the morning until I went to sleep at night. I cant shake the anger. I want to bust something or someone up so bad but if I do I know I would be going down for murder. I stare into the mirror and take in my bruised and battered face. What kind of person have I become? Has this rock star life ruined any semblance of a half decent man I could have become? Fame destroys most relationships before they get off the ground. I have seen it happen too many times to count and it looks like Sophie and I are its latest victims. God what a fucking mess this whole thing is! The anger becomes too much and I punch the huge oval mirror in front of me. The glass shatters into what seems like a million tiny pieces and I feel slightly better now that I cant see my pathetic face anymore. My head hurts but not from the alcohol I consumed last night, no, it hurts from the sheer volume of questions flying around it. The biggest one is why Sophie couldnt talk to me about what Mickey told her. But no she jumps into bed with Mickey at the first opportunity. I never understood why people said their heart was broken until now. My heart and my chest ache so much from losing Sophie.

Sophie was my friend, my lover, my equal and most importantly she was my number one girl. I would have given her the world if I could have. I tape up my now throbbing hand and I cast my mind back to Jasmine. I was a complete asshole to that poor girl. Since the truth had come out about her a few days ago I have been racking my brains wondering how I could make it better for her and Mickey. Well to hell with Mickey Im not interested in doing anything to help him feel better. I wonder how I could get in touch with Jasmine; I need to explain things to her. I dont want her to feel sorry for me but I want her to understand what kind of person I was a year ago. Im no longer that jerk and I want her to know that. Even though Sophie has betrayed me in the worst possible way I feel something for her even though I desperately want to hate her like I do Mickey. The emotion Im feeling for Sophie is a confusing one but I think it is likely very close to that of love. Damn that girl for getting under my skin, for tearing down the walls that I worked so hard on putting up. Life was so much easier when I didnt have Sophie on my mind 24/7. Now I cant think of anything without Sophies beautiful face popping into my head. I want to hate her but I cant and Im not going to let her go without a damn good fight. Im going to focus on something else right now. I need to sort things out with Jasmine before I can move on, not only to let Sophie know how serious I am about getting her back but I need to do it to give my soul peace. Im haunted by my actions of that night. I walk out of the bathroom and look around the bus looking for any sign of the others. It seems all is quiet, I head into the kitchen and open up the huge stainless steel refrigerator and pour myself a glass of orange juice. I tank down the orange juice and glance over at the kitchen island and see Mickeys iPhone lying face down. I take a sideways glance to double check there is no one around. It seems everyone has gone back to bed so I pick up his cell and access his contacts. I skim through them until I get to Jasmine. I pull up her number and copy her number into my own cell. This is a dodgy move that could backfire on me but I have to at least try to sort things out between us. God, I hardly recognise this new Josh. Okay, so I still get wasted when things get tough but never in a million years would I have cared about a little girls feelings after a sexual encounter. I could almost get to like this guy Im turning into. I head into the entertainment room to make a necessary phone call. It could go one of two ways, either she listens to me or she turns me down flat. Im going for the latter. I dial the number and it starts ringing, well thats a good sign. Its only gone 5.30am and I had pictured her phone being switched off. My palms are sweating with nerves at speaking with the girl I had fucked and chucked out like she was yesterdays trash. She is not going to like hearing from me again, that I know. It continues to ring and the longer it does the harder my heart beats in my chest. I want her to answer but then I dont at the same time.

If today has taught me anything it has taught me not to fuck with karma because thats coming back to get you later. Urgh hello. Who is this? Jasmines groggy voice has definitely caught me off guard. Its as if Im back in time, back to that night a year ago. Hello, is anyone there? Right game time. Erm, yea its Josh. You know Josh from Buried Alive plays guitar in your brothers band. Duh, of course she knows who Buried Alive are you moron! You have got to be kidding me. Why the hell would you even think I would want to talk to you? Do you even know how things have been for me since last year? Okay so I knew this was going to be hard for her but I didnt realise how hard. Look, I know Im the last person you want to talk to but I have to explain. I didnt even know you were Mickeys half-sister. I feel like a complete shit. Please just give me a chance to explain everything, please. Fingers crossed she will at least hear me out. Get talking then. This ought to be good. Not over the phone. Are you still living in New York? Would you meet me for a coffee at 10am? I need to be able to say this face to face, its important to me. Please? There is silence at the other end of the phone and Im not sure if shes hung up without saying a word. Suddenly when I had given up hope she answers me. Okay Ill meet you but Im telling you, this had better be good. This last year has been the worst year of my life and I cant wait to hear the excuses you come up with. Anyway, has Mickey kicked your ass yet? He wanted to kill you but I stopped him, told him you werent worth it. I wasnt wrong. Jasmine sighs dramatically and I tend to agree with her. Yes hes kicked my butt on more than one occasion. So where can I meet you then? Meet me at Starbucks on 9th street. Dont be late; I cant stand rock stars that think we all owe them our patience. You owe me plain and simple, Josh. Okay ill meet you there and Jasmine? Yes? Thanks for at least giving me the chance. I dont really deserve it. Bye Josh. With that Jasmine hangs up and I now have something to work towards, mending a broken bridge from a year ago. Im not doing this just for Sophie but for me too, I need to make peace with my past. I arrive five minutes early for our face to face and I have to say Im rather nervous. Never in

my wildest dreams did I imagine facing this girl again. This takes some balls on her part, she most likely hates my guts, but yet she is willing to come here and hear me out. I need to get my shit together if Im to fight for Sophie. As I walk into Starbucks I spot Jasmine sitting at the very top of the establishment. She has already got herself a coffee so that saves fucking about with the niceties. We need to get down to business. I sit down across from her and Im amazed at how pretty she actually is. Why didnt I notice that before? Oh yes because I was trollied that night. She smiles kindly at me but I can see the hurt deep within her beautiful brown eyes. Hi Josh, so why exactly have you asked me to come here to meet with you? Jasmine dives straight in. Look Jasmine I regret that night, I wish it didnt happen that way. I understand you must be hurting right now, Im an ass. Thats an understatement, Josh. Josh I dont think you really know how much your actions have affected me at all. Since that night I have dabbled with weak drugs like pot to the mega hard stuff like cocaine, it ruined me for a while. Im still hanging on the alcohol but Mickey managed to get me off the drugs but it has taken me a while. Jasmine says gingerly whilst looking down at her coffee, the admission hurts her heart, I can tell. Oh Jasmine Im sorry. Christ, how the fuck do I manage to fuck everybodys life up that I touch? Im glad Mickey has been there for you though. I dont know what I can say that can make it up to you, probably nothing. I try to take her hand to show her just how sincere Im being but she pulls it away before I get the chance. Dont, the last time you touched me was the start of my swift fall into the life of drink and drugs. Its so destructful. Jasmine stares into space obviously recalling harder times in the past year. Im so, so sorry Jasmine. I want to make it better, I want us to sort this out, I want you to understand the kind of person I was a year ago. I am completely different now. Well Im waiting; I didnt come here for nothing you know. Jasmine smiles a thin smile, but there is one, maybe there is hope. Well, I never found out that you were Mickeys sister until a few nights ago, since then I have been tearing myself to shreds with guilt and regret. God, I regret how I treated you. You didnt deserve that, no one does. Mickey and I have fought twice since he told me it was you I used that night. I wish I could turn the clock back. I close my eyes and breathe deeply. Josh what has happened that has changed you so much? You didnt give a damn about anything before. You never really had a kind bone in your body, even Mickey agreed with that

and he has known you a long time. I need to know what has changed in your life to make you this completely different person that is sitting in front of me. You never once displayed any kind of emotion to me that night and Mickey seems to think you have always been indifferent. So tell me, whats happened? Jasmine taps her chin in contemplation. Well isnt that the question. I know Ive changed and for the better. I was struggling to keep my head above water before Sophie. Life was just downright crap and I have dealt with some pretty intense problems in my short life. That crap has led me to making some pretty dumb decisions, one of them being that night with Jasmine. I have met a woman Jasmine. Shes the most incredible woman I have ever met. She completes me like no one I have ever met before; she makes me question everything about this life, about my past, about my future. Everything I knew before her has been turned on its ass. I never knew I could have a connection with a girl, have such intense feelings for someone and actually care about how they feel. It scares me though. Wow, I really wasnt expecting that response I must say. Would you say you have fallen in love with her? I know what I think but I want to know what you think. Jasmine clasps her hands in front of her awaiting my reply. Im not sure if its love exactly. Yet. Oh hell I dont know. I want to be with her all the time and I mean all the time. I need to know what she is doing at all times but not in a stalkerish way, more I want to keep her safe and with me. I want to know everything there is to know about her; I want to know what her favourite things are, what her dreams are and what she was like when she was a little girl. God, I want to know it all. I stop for air. Im getting carried away but I always do when I talk about Sophie. Last night has done nothing to change that. Josh I think youre kidding yourself if you think that isnt love. To see you talking about her that way is refreshing. I just wish that Mickey would have such passion for a woman like that. Mickey is still on that destructive path you were on. Im happy that you have managed to turn it around. Going to let you in on a little secret Josh. I dont blame you for that night as much as I do myself. I chased you until it was impossible for you to say no. I forgive you; Im not the kind of person to keep holding onto a grudge. I can see that you have changed and for that Im so happy for you. Jasmine smiles earnestly at the realisation. Jasmine I cant tell you what that means to me, Im truly sorry for it. I was a complete asshole and you giving me the forgiveness that I dont deserve means a lot, so thank you. I hope you are able to find peace too and find a man that deserves you. Its probably too late for Sophie and I but I hope you get that, I honestly do. Casting my mind back to last night makes me sad and angry again. Just seeing those two in bed together just about shattered my heart on the spot. I never really trusted Mickey but I honestly thought so much more of Sophie. At the end of the day I thank her for making me feel again. She made me feel alive.

What the hell do you mean its too late for you and Sophie? Come on Josh talk to me. Jasmine looks at me with piercing eyes and a worried expression on her face. I think its pretty much over between Sophie and I. Unfortunately it was your brother that had the biggest hand in our break up. I say sadly. Even Mickeys name grates on my last nerve. You have got to be messing with me. Mickey somehow manages to turn things to crap one way or another. What the hell did he do? Dont you dare tell me that he slept with her? If he has I am going to kill him myself. Jasmines anger is pulsing from her body and I have no doubt that she would give it a good go. Im sorry Jasmine but he did sleep with her. I dont just blame him though obviously Sophie wanted it too. It hurts I wont lie. The worst of it was that Mickey told Sophie that he caught me fucking a girl in the mens room of a bar that was a few blocks away from the tour bus. I didnt fuck her Jasmine, I swear I didnt. She came onto me and I pushed her off me. I was trashed but I had learned my lesson from that time with you. I put my head in my hands. The memory is painful. I believe you Josh. I could tell as soon as I had spoken to you on the phone that you had changed. There was just something different about you. I wouldnt have agreed to meet you if I thought for a minute you were that same guy. This time Jasmine reaches out to hold my hand and I let her. The action is comforting. Its what I need right now. Look, Im not going to sit back and let my brother ruin something that seems to be very special. Its about time this whole mess got buried. I wont let him do this. Leave it with me Ill have a word, somehow I dont think this is as clear cut as what you think. Things never are when my brother is involved. Jasmine winks at me. This girl is amazing. Not only has she forgiven me for being the biggest asshole on the planet but she is trying to help me sort things out with Sophie. I dont deserve any of it but Im given the smallest dose of hope. Never.Lose.Hope.

Chapter 22
My phone buzzes on the kitchen island and I pick it up to see who has sent me a text message. Its Jasmine. Jasmine and I have been keeping in touch since last year, since that night Josh destroyed everything I had worked to build up. My family has had a hard time over the years and it takes everything to keep us all together now. We have had less than a normal upbringing and Jasmine and I are the only ones to come out of the experience alive. Jasmine: Been keeping things from me have you? I have had a really interesting meeting with Josh. Phone me a.s.a.p. P.s phone me before you go charging looking for Josh, I mean it! Why the hell has Jasmine had a meeting with Josh? Has he not done enough damage already? Why on earth would she open herself up for more heartache at his hands? I need to phone her to find out exactly what went on and why. I dial Jasmines number and she picks up on the first ring, she must have been sitting near the phone. She knows I would phone her instantly. I would do anything for my sister, thats why I took Joshs actions hard. Oh Mickey what the hell have you been up to? Why didnt you tell me how much Josh has changed, he really is a different person. So tell me, why you are still holding onto the past so tightly. It wasnt a nice time Mick, one I dont care to remember. Jasmine chastises me. Jasmine, he destroyed you last year. Im the one that was there for you during your drug taking. You were a mess. There were days were you couldnt even get out of your bed, you were that out of it. How many times did you shout and scream for another hit? How many times did you go out and find a house to break into just so you had money for more drugs? I say flinching at the memory. Those days are over now Mick and you know me better than anyone. I cant hold a grudge, I just cant. Its not in me, we had too much of that shit growing up. True that. Oh Jasmine thats what I love about you. You are so forgiving where as I would have just totally cut them off. There would have been no going back. Not before I had cut off Joshs balls first though. So more to the point what the hell did you meet with Josh for? He phoned me up in a bit of a state if Im honest. I knew as soon as I started talking to him that something was different. I just knew. Mickey he loves that girl, Sophie. He doesnt realise it yet but he does. He was so animated when he was speaking about her. His face lights up at the mere mention of her name. Its such a change from what he used to be like. All he cared

about before was fucking then ditching them. You can hear the smile through the phone from Jasmine. I know hes changed thats why Im having a hard time adjusting to it all. I dont want to believe that Josh is capable of changing his ways. I want him to still act like the dick he was last year, it would make it so much easier to hate him. I want to hate him so bad for hurting you, for destroying the life you had built for yourself, for the future you were going to have. Then boom all of a sudden one night with him and you are this drug taking, fucked up little girl. It neared killed me Jasmine. I love you, youre my sister. I would do anything for her, and I mean anything. Mick you cant be there for me all the time. There is going to come a time when you cant be there for me like now, now you are on tour its going to become impossible. I love you, you are my brother but theres a limit to what you can do. When did you get so smart, huh? Jasmine surprises and amazes me at every turn. Any guy that is lucky enough to get her is going to have their work cut out trying to impress me. Im not smart bro, just wise to everything now. Lifes too short we both know that. So come on tell me, did you really sleep with Sophie? I hope to god you didnt. Even after everything that has happened I still dont think you would do that. I hope. This girl knows me too well. She can read me like an open book. Oh Jasmine. No I didnt sleep with her, I couldnt do it. I wanted to, god I did, but I still see Josh as a brother to me. I still love him. I heard Sophie crying herself to sleep and the reason behind that was my fault too. I waited until she fell asleep and I crawled into bed with her with just my boxer briefs on. Josh woke up in the night and found us in bed together. He got the wrong idea but I didnt put him right. In fact I more or less told him that we had sex. Im ashamed of myself for doing that but at the time I wanted to punish him for the mess he had left my sister in. I thought I was doing the right thing, Im not too sure now. Right so that being said, did you see Josh fuck that girl in the mens room? I think I already know the answer to that one but I want to hear it from you. Well it looks like Josh has told her everything. I cant lie to Jasmine anyway. No I didnt. I had to make her think that Josh had cheated it was the only way I could get inbetween the two of them. Before you start, no Im not proud of myself but I thought I was doing the right thing. I didnt want what happened to you happening to Sophie. My actions seemed harmless but I had good intentions really. Look Mick I dont really care what your reasons were behind this whole mess, just sort it before it really is too late. I know you still want to have Josh in your life despite what went on. There was a time when it was only you two. Just remember he was there for you during the whole mess back home. You need to fix it and you need to fix it now. I have forgiven him

maybe its about time you do the same. Jasmine tells me sternly. Jesus she is like a little mother hen always telling me what to do. Deep down though she makes a world of sense. Jasmine what on earth would I do without you? You always make me see sense even when its right in front of my nose. God, anyone would think you were the older sibling. I laugh at how the roles have been reversed but its great to laugh about it all instead of all the tears that have been cried over it by both of us. Right, get off the phone you sappy fool. Go and sort things out with your best friend. If I can forgive, you can too. I love you. Bye. Jasmine clicks off the phone and Im left to my thoughts. Now that Jasmine has spoken about the whole deal with Josh I feel bad. Really bad. How could I have been such a fool to break up such a great thing between two of the nicest people I have had the honour of knowing. Sophie makes me laugh and she has a heart of gold. She actually reminds me a lot of Jasmine. They both would do anything for anyone and they dont have a bad bone in their body. I want to forgive Josh. I miss having my brother to talk to, I miss shooting the breeze with him, and I miss just having a beer with him. I miss him, period. That night I not only had to deal with a broken sister but I also had to deal with the fact my relationship with Josh was destroyed. That hurt me more than I could ever explain or say in words. I have known Josh since kindergarten and we have been there through thick and thin and I was devastated to lose that bond with him. Its been a hard year in more ways than one. Its very important to me to bury the hatchet with Josh. Hes my wingman, my brother and my friend. I need him. I ease into the entertainment room to find Josh talking to Blaine. I stand quietly by the door and listen to the conversation. Look Blaine, I wouldnt lie to you guys. I didnt fuck her; I could never do that now. Ive fallen too far for Sophie. Its the real thing. I have never felt this way before. I love her and I want to be with her. Josh says with a raw passion that I have only seen from him on stage. Shit.

Sophie I keep questioning myself about last night. Josh apparently came into that bedroom and found Mickey and myself in bed together but that doesnt make any sense to me. I would never have slept with Mickey, not when I was finally admitting to myself that I was in love with Josh. Hell, I still am. Josh has hurt me but I still want to be with him, I still want to share this crazy life with him and I still want to be the one that he shares his bed with at night. I sigh, how could I let this drag on like this. We have barely spoken to each other since the incident. We are both as stubborn as each other but we have to discuss what happened, there is no point in brushing it under the carpet. We need to address a few things like how he really feels about me or is it just pure attraction? I sit down on the sofa for a moment, I have been feeling rather ill today. If I stand up too quickly I feel so dizzy that I have to sit back down again. I have a sick feeling but I put it down to catching a bug with being on the bus so much. I hope it passes soon. I feel like crap. Josh has just come back on the bus from being god knows where. Josh has as being going AWOL the last two days and I wonder what the hell he has been getting up to. After his little encounter with that bitch in the mens room, Im beginning to think that he is reverting back to form. I have the sneaking suspicion that he is fucking his little groupies once again. It breaks my heart but I just have to tell myself that he obviously never felt anything for me at all. It doesnt make it any easier but at least I know the truth now instead of later. Josh heads towards the bathroom and walks straight past me without so much as a second glance. He would have been as well stabbing me in the back. I feel like our short time together meant nothing to him and it stings. I love him and nothing is going to change that. Why the hell I had to fall for him I will never know. Where ever he has been he obviously feels the need to have a wash after it. He must have been with someone else. How fucking dare he? I am suddenly overcome with an untameable rage that is threatening to overwhelm me if I dont take action. I force my way into the bathroom to come face to face with a naked Josh and I can feel the tears threatening their way to the surface. The sight of his beautiful body is almost my undoing. The memories of us in here are so strong that I almost lose the fight in me. I cant, this needs to be said. You need to pull yourself together, mate. So much for your protestations of never cheating and always being there for me. Well, you have blown all that to hell havent you, you son of a bitch. I wanted you, really wanted you but you had to go and ruin it all by sleeping with the nearest skank that was in spitting distance. You ruined everything that we could have had. You ruined any chance of a normal relationship with me. You ruined something so perfect, something I was willing to take the biggest chance of my life on. I want to hate you but I just cant! I breathe deeply in an attempt to calm my frayed nerves.

What the hell are you talking about Sophie? Like I said the other night I never slept with her. Christ, I didnt even want to kiss her let alone fuck her. You have a nerve coming in here and standing on a fucking pedestal. You slept with my band mate, with my friend, with my brother. You knew how things stood between Mickey and I but yet you jumped into bed as soon as things got a little rough! Josh bellows through the hurt in his eyes. I slept with Mickey?! Look I really dont know where the hell you got that idea. I lay in my bed crying my damn eyes out after Mickey told me that you fucked that cheap groupie up against the mens room wall. Yeah, so very classy Josh. I kick the cabinet door in frustration. How can he still be maintaining that I slept with Mickey? I wouldnt, I never. I know I never. Well Soph, you didnt exactly cry over me for long did you? What was it? Did Mickey offer you a shoulder to cry on, he felt sorry for you and you though why the hell not Ill sleep with him. If you think he cares a shit about you then you are even more stupid than I thought. That stung. You bastard. How dare you! Unlike you Im not that shallow and self-conscious to just fall into bed with the next available man. I respect myself too much, unlike you. Come on how many have you had since our break up? Fifty? A hundred? Lost count? I should of known you would revert back to form, huh? The tears are now falling down my cheeks. I am unable to hold them back as our words become more and more heated. Sophie I havent jumped into bed with anyone. I dont need to. You on the other hand didnt have that much self-respect when it came to Mickey did you? I really thought you were different. How wrong a guy can be. Josh faces away from me and looks to the opposite wall and runs his hands through his spiked hair. I know he is hurting but he is trying to hide it. Why cant he just give me some honesty! Urgh men! Josh Im not a slut. I dont need to prove my worth or my so called talent and fame by jumping into bed with anyone. I am a strong and capable woman and I can manage perfectly well on my own. The thing that is killing me here though is the fact that I love you. I think I loved you the moment I walked onto this bus. There was just something about you, something I knew that would tear me open and leave me bleeding for all to see. I was right, I have been torn open and no matter what you did with that girl it doesnt stop me from loving you dammit! Plain and simple, he is the only one for me. Oh god Soph me too. Why didnt you tell me this? I knew you were attracted to me but I didnt know that it was love. Im a man, it takes me a little longer to work these things out. What I dont get is, if you love me why did you sleep with Mickey? That doesnt make sense even to me. God, does this man just not get it at all? I didnt sleep with him Josh, I swear. I could never do it to you. How many more times do I have to say this before he finally believes me. Before Josh has a chance to answer me we are interrupted by a knock on the bathroom door.

Josh eyes the door with pure contempt. Go away. We are busy in case you hadnt heard! Josh shouts towards the door but the knocking doesnt stop, Let me in Josh. We need to talk. All three of us. Mickey shouts back. Oh holy Mary. Can tonight get any more heated? If Josh lets Mickey in here all hell will break loose. There will be only one way that either Josh or Mickey will be leaving this bathroom and that will be via stretcher. Josh hates Mickey for telling me about that woman apparently sleeping with him and Mickey hates Josh for taking his sisters virginity. Look Mick I dont want to be anywhere near you right now. I cant even breathe the same air as you! Look Josh just let me in. You dont know everything, theres things I havent told you yet. Just let me in and we can all talk about it. I really dont want to tell you everything with a door in the way. Do you? Mickey is sounding sincere and I personally would love to hear what he has to say about the whole thing. Fine get your ass in here now. I cant wait to hear what kind of bullshit that pours out of your mouth this time. Josh stands with his arms crossed as Mickey walks into the bathroom and shuts the door behind him. Mickey edges closer to Josh and I. I havent been completely truthful with either of you. Oh crap. What now?

Chapter 23
If this dick thinks he can mess with me some more he is in for a big shock. There is nothing more he can do to me that will hurt as much as him sleeping with Sophie. Thats a line that friends dont cross and he has gone and done it. There is no going back from that, no way. Look, when you slept with Jasmine I couldnt bear what you had done to her and what you made her become. Seeing her so hurt and broken nearly killed me. She was my sister man, I love her. The way she turned to alcohol and drugs nearly killed her and I hated having to sit back and watch her falling deeper and deeper into that life was awful. God she even broke into houses to steal so that she had money for her fixes. I hated it! Mickey cant look either of us in the eye. What the hell is he getting at? Look, I totally know I screwed up there. I regret it, I even went to see Jasmine so that I could apologise and show her how sorry I was and that if I could turn the clock back I would have done things different. I needed her to know that. Wait you went to see Jasmine? Is that where you have been the last couple of days? Sophie asks inquisitively. Yes Sophie I have been visiting Jasmine to make amends with her. I couldnt leave things the way they were. As soon as I knew she was Mickeys sister I knew I had to reach out to her. I was a dick last year. I wanted to prove to her and you that I was no longer that person. It seems it hasnt made a bit of difference to you and Mickey. This conversation is starting to frustrate me. I hate going over the same ground over and over. Sophie smiles at the knowledge. Pity its too late to sort things out between us. Josh I never slept with Sophie. I wanted you to believe that I did, but honestly I didnt. I heard Sophie crying herself to sleep so I waited until she was asleep and I slipped into her bed and just lay with her. Sophie didnt actually know I was in bed with her though. I wanted you to hurt like I have been the past year. The look on your face told me everything I needed to know. You were hurt, in fact I would say you were dying inside. Thats exactly how I felt. You felt betrayed by us both, that is exactly what I felt! Mickey raises his voice what seems like a complete octave. I cant believe what Im hearing. He lied about sleeping with my girl. He lied about it all! Damn him straight to hell. He has caused my girl so much suffering over the last couple of days and it has been all for nothing. I could kill him. How the hell could you do that to her? You sat and watched her cry her eyes out and you knew you could put a stop to it and yet you let her put herself through that heartache. I cant believe how stupid you can be at times. I shake my head at his selfishness.

Oh, and Sophie Im sorry I lied to you but Josh didnt fuck that girl in the bathroom. I made it all up so that you would hate Josh and not want to be with him anymore. Its not until I spoke to Jasmine that I realised that you two loved each other. Jasmine told me how much Josh had changed and I didnt want to believe it. It made it so much easier to hate him if I thought he was still the same old Josh. An asshole. It worked for a while until Jasmine gave me a dressing down for the way I have behaved. That girl really is smarter than me. Im sorry guys, please dont let me stand in the way of love. I know what I did was wrong and Im sorry. I want us all to get on again. Im sorry. Just as Mickey edges away so that he can leave us again Sophie runs to the toilet and starts to heave violently. We both run to her to make sure she is okay. I hold her hair back while she continues to vomit into the toilet bowl. I wonder why she is so sick? Maybe she picked up food poisoning from somewhere. Eventually Sophies body finishes heaving and she looks exhausted. My poor baby. Even in the state she is in I love her deeply. I love her with everything I have. Shes amazing. I pat her forehead dry with a nearby towel. Sophies jaw drops and her eyes go wide and I wonder whats wrong now. Whats up baby? You okay? Shes starting to scare me. Uh Mickey would you mind giving us a few minutes please? Mickey leaves at Sophies request. Now I am getting scared. Sophie is in deep thought as I stare at her. Come on Sophie speak to me. Whats wrong? I need to know. Josh I need you to go and get me something out of the nearest chemist. Anything baby. You sick? You need painkillers or something? Sophie laughs at my question. Okay, so shes a little delirious. No Josh I dont need painkillers. I need a mother fucking pregnancy test! What.The.Hell? I thought she was on birth control? Okay Ill go, Ill go. Ill be right back okay. Just take it easy babe. I rush out of the bathroom and run out of the bus for some fresh air before my brain explodes. I need to get to that chemist A.S.A.P before the shit hits the fan in that bathroom. Dear mother of god what if Im about to find out that Im to become a father? I manage to purchase a pregnancy test no problem and Im now sitting in the bathroom with Sophie waiting on the test to either turn positive or negative. Strangely Im very calm and at ease. The thought of becoming a father is not sending me running for the hills.

Sophie on the other hand is bouncing off the walls. She cant stay still. I think shes scared of the result. She doesnt need to be scared, I will look after them both if thats what it comes to. The thought of Sophie carrying my child excites me and I realise that it is something that I want. God, what a transformation from last year. This woman has done incredible things to me. Suddenly Sophie snatches the test off the counter top and stares at the test for what seems to be hours though its probably only been seconds. I am on tender hooks here, I just wish she would hurry up and put me out of my misery. Come on Soph what does it say? Im dying to know, I really am. Im pregnant Josh. Im pregnant. Sophie doesnt even look at me. She just continues to stare at that stick. I need to put her mind at ease. Sophie I love you. We will make this work, for us and our baby. You are carrying our child and no matter what anyone says it was made out of love. We love each other and our baby will be loved too. Its a lot sooner than anyone could of expected but to hell with it. We are unconventional and our baby is going to cherished. I say happily. Sophie stares at me as if Im mad. Well, okay I might be but we are going to be parents and I cant freaking wait! Sophie bursts into tears at my confession. God I love this woman of mine. Oh Josh do you really think we can do this? Im scared, really scared. I know baby but we will survive together. We are a team now remember? I love you. I kiss Sophies temple and she closes her eyes at the relief she is feeling. I love you too Josh. Right babe lets go and tell the guys the news. They are going to be over the moon at having a Buried Alive love child. The very first one. I smile at my beautiful woman reverentially. We walk into the entertainment room where everyone has gathered. Mickey is in the corner of the room at the mini bar on his cell. We walk up to the guys and I put my arm round my womans shoulders. We are standing as a united front now. There is no stopping us. Guys, I want to announce that we are going to be parents. Sophies pregnant. I say proudly. The guys exchange looks but I knew they would. Wow, congratulations dude. Im happy for you really. This is such awesome news. Blaine and I bump fists. We go around the rest of the group accepting their congratulations. Im actually buzzing and Sophie seems to be warming up to the idea of us having a baby. Mickey comes off the phone and looks very sullen as they walks over to us and hugs Sophie and he also gives me a man hug.

Whats up Mick? Zack asks obviously sensing the tension. That was my mom on the phone. My dad is back. I need to go home. Shes in trouble. The End

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