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What makes a good marriage?

New love sets the heart fluttering, weddings feel like a fairytale, honeymoons are a worry-free holiday. But what happens next?
satisfied, she said, laughing. Sometimes we used to quarrel because of some misunderstandings between us, said U Than Tun, looking at his wifes face with a smile, but as I really love my wife, I always give in. For the times love and understanding alone dont cut it, it seems a healthy dose of humour comes in handy. They were married in their early 20s. Now in their 60s, the Khin Mar Cho said, she loved U Than Tun deeply. But so did his mother, which made things difficult for the brand-new bride. My husband is the youngest of his siblings, with four elder sisters, she said. He is the mostloved of all the siblings in his family. So my mother-in-law did not agree with me. That is why I was faced with many difficulties at the beginning of my married life. True love, however, always allowed them to face up to any
A young woman tries a new wedding dress designed by 7 Picture Wedding Fashion in Yangon. Photo: Kaung Htet

Ei Ei Thu
91.eieithu@gmail.com

HEN youre getting married, its easy to get so caught up in arranging the details of the wedding that you forget what a wedding is supposed to be about. But a marriage lasts more than a day. In fact, its meant to last a lifetime. So whats the secret of a successful lifelong union? Daw Khin Mar Cho a veritable expert, after 40 years of happy marriage has the answer down to a science. She says its seven parts love, three parts understanding. Sometimes we misunderstand each other. But then he will coax me [and put me] first so I will be

Whatever kinds of difficulties weve been faced with we still love each other. Daw Khin Mar Cho
couple moved from Ayeyarwady Regions Bogale township in 2008 to Bayintnaung junction in Yangon. But thats not the only transition theyve had to deal with in their decades of wedded life. Before they were married, Daw challenge. Whatever kinds of difficulties weve been faced with as a married couple, we still love each other. So when we clash between us its just for a while. Whatever we are discussing, thats how we can live

with peace and happiness, Daw Khin Mar Cho said. She added, however, that she worries about young couples today and the portrayals of marriage theyre exposed to in the media. She said the influence of Korean TV dramas, which often show separated spouses, and the

changing attitudes in the country generally are leading young people to be less serious about the values of married life. Monogamy is crucial in life so as not to break up a married couple. If they arent interested in one another they will face problems in the future, Daw Khin Mar Cho said. I think today young people dont think about married life deeply so they are not stable in their married lives. She added that stability for a married couple requires both husband and wife to take responsibility. If they support each other considerately, she said, there is no reason they should split up. U Than Tun agreed, saying the importance of understanding and support in a marriage means that marrying for love leads to better, more prosperous matches than arranged marriages. And what about children? After the couple got married and had children, they said, they struggled and worked hard together to achieve the same status as others. They said they raised their children to be well educated and have high standards, and added, with satisfied and delighted faces, that their children had turned out just as theyd hoped. We have only one son and one daughter so we want them to pass through their lives smoothly. We dont expect anything in return from them. But if we are lucky, we can benefit from them, said U Than Tun. He added that, although everyone has to struggle in life, he felt it was because of his family that he could overcome sins and build up a peaceful and delightful life. I can live well like I do now because we live together, with all family members together sharing happiness, health and wealth. The values that lead to a good marriage, it seems, arent all that different from those that lead to a good life.

Phyo Wai Kyaw

pwkyaw@gmail.com

Film actor Htun Ko Ko and model Khin Wint Wah pose for a picture in Myanmar traditional wedding dress in Yangon last week. Photo: Ko Taik

How I popped the question

While brides-to-be tend to take the lead in navigating wedding chaos, the nerve-wracking initial proposal traditionally falls to the prospective groom. Last week, when The Myanmar Times reporter Su Phyo Win asked men in Yangon and in Singapore to share how they proposed, the stories ranged from girl-next-door romances to long-distance loves, from traditional courtships to decidedly more modern methods of wooing
U Myint Ko Ko Aung 33 years old Engineer, Singapore We became lovers with the help of Google Talk. Originally my sister and my now-wife Yu Lay were neighbours. When I came back from Singapore in 2007, I met Yu Lay. I earnestly requested that Yu Lay should get Gtalk and soon we became friends online. Then I told her online that I loved her. She returned the feelings on her birthday. I gave her a necklace with a locket in the shape of a heart. As I had been working in Singapore and she was staying in Yangon, we didnt have a chance to meet in person like other lovers do. But when I pursued Yu Lays love, I wanted her to know I intended to marry her and live with her for life. I wrote letters to her in a diary, and in 2009, after giving her a note from that diary and a ring, I proposed. She told me later she made up her mind as soon as she saw the notes Id written in the diary. We got married in 2010 and are a happy family. U Ye Naing 32 years old Car dealer, Yangon We met at the training courses we attended after our matriculation examination. We were just friends, but at that time there were many boys who liked her, so I was worried and couldnt leave her alone. I wasnt content just to have her as a girlfriend. One day, she was going to Super One shopping centre and she asked me if I wanted a postcard from her. I said,I dont want a postcard. I told her I wanted to marry her. She was surprised. It was unexpected. At that time, rings were not very popular among our circle, but I had still jumped over some usual steps. She didnt give me any reply, but she kept her eye on me for about two years. Then, in 2003, she was hospitalised at Sanpya Hospital. I gave her two postcards and tried once more to win her love. This time she accepted. It was very memorable to have my proposal of marriage accepted at a hospital. U Saw Nyein Latt 37 years old Engineer, Singapore We met one another while attending a diploma course on economics which lasted two years. We became lovers after one year of doing the course together. When I got a job in Singapore in 2008, I was worried about leaving her alone here in Yangon, because she was much younger than me. I wanted to get married before I went so that she could come along with me. On the day I knew for certain I would be going to Singapore I gave her a wedding ring and proposed marriage. She told me to wait one year, which I did. It required a lot of patience, but the next year, in 2009, we agreed and got married.

U Kyaw Nyunt 63 years old Retired civil engineer, Yangon We were from the same town. My parents and her parents knew each other and we visited each others houses quite often. Id liked her ever since we were very young, but we never went through a period of being lovers. I just asked her

U Than Shwe 61years old Proof editor at The Peoples Age journal, Yangon She is the eldest daughter in her family and she is very particular. I really love the kind of mind she has. We first met when I worked as an assistant at my teachers tuition class near her house. After our relationship had gone on for one year her family learned about it. She was a first-year university student at that time, and her family told her to cut off our relationship or they would have her kicked out of school. I asked her what she wanted to be. She said her only wish was to get married to the one she had chosenas her boyfriend. We couldnt part from one another, so we had only one thing to do: to get married. We couldnt tell our parents openly so we got married secretly. As we understand each other from head to toe and had fallen very deeply in love, we didnt need any ring or some special words to propose.

Ko Myo Mg Mg Kyaw 35 years old Manager of Zayyar Tagon Company, Yangon Weve known each other since our matriculation standard. At that time we were just friends. In 2001 we started our relationship. It lasted more than three years without a wedding. We had talked about getting married, and even when and how, but in real life it didnt come out as we planned because of pressure from relatives on both sides. One day, without taking things too seriously, we were on a date around town and we got to the Yangon railway station. The ticket office was announcing two tickets left to Mandalay. I asked my wife, Shall we go to Mandalay together? And she said yes. We didnt stop to think about any of the problems that would follow. We went to Mandalay for two days and hung around. We didnt have enough money, but we borrowed from friends and had the happiest time together, as we had been facing some problems back home in Yangon. After we came back from Mandalay, our parents arranged for us to get married. I didnt propose to her with a ring or anything. But when we fell in love I had told her father I wanted to marry her in the future.

directly if I could marry her. Before proposing I brought back some orchid seeds from Rakhine State. I planted the seeds, intending to give her the flowers when the buds came out. When she came to Yangon, I gave her an orchid and a love letter. The flowers were meant to relay the message that was difficult for me to say verbally. At that time I was over 30, and was nervous about proposing out loud. But we understood each other as we had known each other for so long. She accepted and we got married three months later.

Third year of marriage regarded as the happiest year

The notorious seven-year itch is regarded as a major cause for breaking up the relationships of a majority of married couples. Now, the reasons for these breakups are tiredness, exhaustion in the middle of increasing workloads. A study was done on 2000 married couples. It was found that the fifth year is the toughest year because all the stress comes home to roost. The first year was depicted as a whirlwind by most, whereas the third year of marriage was described as the happiest of all the years. This is because couples resolve earlier issues and settle into a comfortable co-existence. People who were surveyed voted those seven years to be the wall. If these years passed successfully then the way for a long, happy and enduring relationship is paved. The study found half of total people who were questioned regarded their wedding day as one of the happiest days of their life. However, some said that affectionate glow in their relationship appeared to have quickly faded. Nearly one-third confessed that the love in their marriage has reduced ever since the day of their marriage. Amanda McAlister, family lawyer at Slater & Gordon, which carried out the research, said couples should remember that constant efforts are required to make a marriage successful.
The Huffington Post

As villages grow, wedding traditions change

As urbanisation and modernisation sweep the land, traditional village wedding celebrations are falling out of favour with many young couples, who are increasingly opting for less time-consuming but more costly equivalents
slipped directly into the pockets of the groom.) But sometimes those who can afford to will choose not to ask a village head to run the festivities, and instead hire a professional MC from the city. Make-up artists and wedding dresses are sometimes ordered in from the city as well. While more expensive, todays celebrations are usually shorter than those of the past, according to Ko Htay Lwin. In the past, the wedding receptions started at 7am and ended at 11am. We hosted the guests with pickled tea leaf and some sweet snacks at the wedding reception pavilion. After 11am, guests had to go to the wedding feast pavilion, he said. But today village wedding ceremonies finish in the morning.
Villagers from Moe Min Village near Mingun in central Myanmar travel to a wedding in a nearby village. Photo: Si Thu Lwin

Khin Su Wai
jasminekhin@gmail.com

N the day of a wedding in Myanmars rural villages, it used to be that nobody needed to cook lunch. Nobody, that is, except those hosting the wedding. Tradition dictated that everyone in the village could and would stop by, and that everyone who stopped by would be fed. Today, however, wedding celebrations are limited to close friends and relatives only, as villages are now too large for true communal feasting. And food isnt the only part of the celebration to have changed with the times. As in bigger cities, village weddings have become a professionals game. In our village, there are two wedding feast services, said Ko Soe Hlaing, a 49-year-old single man from Le Thit village, home to about 2000 people in Mandalay Regions Myingyan township. One group cooks normal rice and curries while the other group cooks only chicken rice. Ko Htay Thwin, from the same

They dont want to bother

for a wedding ceremony like in the past. Ko Htay Lwin
Speaking of todays newlyweds, Ko Htaw Lwin said, They dont want to bother for a wedding ceremony like in the past. They serve ice cream at the reception. It cost K700,000 to K800,000. If you order ice cream or something else, you dont need to hire workers for cooking or make food, he said. Another tradition on the wane is the sending of supplies for married life such as blankets, pillows and a mosquito net from the grooms home to the brides home on the evening of the wedding ceremony. Some traditions, however, still remain. Couples often still offer coconut, bananas and sweet snacks to the brides elder relatives. And a groom hailing from another village is still expected to bring gifts of money up to K50,000 in total and distribute the funds among the young men of his wifes village. With so many wedding traditions changing, its interesting to see such mandatory gift-givings are among those traditions still being practised today.
Translated by Thiri Min Htun

village, said one of his nieces recently got married. He said the bridegrooms side covered the cost of the wedding ceremony and therefore took the wedding presents and money. It costs K1 million to invite 1000 guests to a wedding feast, he said. In the past, villagers didnt need to worry about hiring a wedding pavilion. Most people

built a temporary shed in front of their house and put two palm leaves at the entrance. If there was no coconut tree at their house, they would simply borrow from their neighbours. Today, however, villagers close to Mandalay sometimes celebrate their wedding at the hall in Kyauk Mee. Those who choose to stay home instead usually hire a wedding

pavilion building service to build them a beautiful pavilion. There are three or four such services in Le Thit village, with about the same number of amplifier rental services, even though the lack of electricity means the amps have to be powered by generators. In the past, the feast itself might have consisted of rice, pork curry, dhal and clear soup. Now, you see a wider range of choices: Some serve hearty meals of chicken rice, or couples on a smaller budget might opt for mohinga or simply tea and snacks. Bringing in caterers also changes the preparations required. No more do family members need to worry about ironing wet napkins or filling bowls on the dining table for guests to wash their hands in. Usually, however, there are enough pots, plates, bowls, kettles and even napkins for the gathering at the local monastery and religious hall. And the head of the village, acting as master of ceremonies, often brings his own silver bowl to collect up the money given to the newlyweds or more accurately to their parents. (Gifts intended for the couple themselves are often

Wedding Bliss
The Myanmar Times Special Feature
Editor: Myo Lwin Sub-editor Mya Kay Khine Soe, Wade Guyitt Cover Photo Ko Taik Cover models Htun Ko Ko and Khin Wint Wah Dress 7-Picture Wedding Dress Marvelous Wedding Planner and Fabric Fashion Writers Nandar Aung, Phyo Wai Kyaw, Khin Su Wai, Nyein Ei Ei Htwe, Lwin Mar Tun, Ei Thae Thae Naing, Aung Kyaw Nyunt, Mya Kay Khine Make-up artist Htet (Pop Soul) Desgin and Layout Tin Zaw Htway, Ko Pxyo, Khin Zaw Photographers Kaung Htet, Aung Htay Hlaing, Boothee

For enquiries and feedback: myolwin@myanmartimes.com.mm

Dressing up for the big day

A wedding ring isnt the only important accessory youll want to be sporting when all eyes turn to you. The Myanmar Times' reporter Nuam Bawi presents some of the hottest wedding designs for 2013 to help you look your best in the moment and in the photos youll cherish for years to come
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Dressing Table @ Franzo No (15/ A-5), Pyay Road, A 1, 9 Miles, Mayangon Township, Yangon. Wedding Gown (Western) @ Exposure No. B-6, Aung San Stadium (North Wings), Mingalar Taung Nyunt Township, Yangon. Wedding Men Dress (Western) @ Exposure No B-6, Aung San Stadium (North Wings), Mingalar Taung Nyunt Township, Yangon. Child Gown @ Exposure No. B-6, Aung San Stadium (North Wings), Mingalar Taung Nyunt Township, Yangon. Shoes for Bride @ Exposure No B-6, Aung San Stadium (North Wings), MIngalar Taung Nyunt Township, Yangon. Dress for guest (Myanmar) @ Vivid Dagon Center-2, Top Floor.

Flower @ Sandy Floral No 102-A, Dhamasayti Road, Bahan Township, Yangon. 8. Flower @ Sandy Floral No 102-A, Dhamasayti Road, Bahan Township, Yangon. 9. Flower @ Sandy Floral No 102-A, Dhamasayti Road, Bahan Township, Yangon. 10. Flower @ Sandy Floral No 102-A, Dhamasayti Road, Bahan Township, Yangon. 11. Wedding Dress for Bride (Myanmar ) @ Marvelous No 6-B, Parami Road, Mayangon Township, Yangon. 12. Gaung Paung (Myanmar ) @ Marvelous No 6-B, Parami Road, Mayangon Township, Yangon. 7.

13. Dress for Bridegroom (Myanmar) @ Marvelous No 6-B, Parami Road, Mayangon Township, Yangon. 14. Dress Longyi for Bridegroom (Myanmar) @ Marvelous No 6-B, Parami Road, Mayangon Township, Yangon. 15. Pearl @ Precious Gems & Jewelry Shop No 29, New University Avenue Road, Bahan Township, Yangon. 16. Sapphire @ Precious Gems & Jewelry Shop No 29, New University Avenue Road, Bahan Township, Yangon. 17. Ruby @ Precious Gems & Jewelry Shop No 29, New University Avenue Road, Bahan Township, Yangon. 18. Shoes @ Lily No. 1/6, corner of Sabal Street and 6th Street, Yuzana Plaza, Yangon.

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Spreading the news

Todays bride and groom find themselves competing with their peers before their wedding has even been announced
to introduce distant friends or family to someone they may be meeting for the first time only at the wedding itself. And so more and more information gets packed into the space, including details of careers, places of work and degrees earned by the couple and even their parents. The designs are becoming more complicated as well. Ko Khin Maung Thans family founded Success Invitation Cards Creation in 2011. He thinks of this service as auspicious work. But he also said weddings are changing: Those at the top of their fields who celebrate at Yangons most expensive hotels and venues often spend over K3000 apiece on invitation cards, he said, and look on the cards as an opportunity to spread news of both their wedding and their wealth. Before 2006, people who could afford it used printed cards with gold and silver lettering. But after While at one time cards used pink and gold colours for traditional weddings, now they come in all colours in the rainbow, and even a few that arent. Some choose to match their invitation card with their wedding dress. Its a long process to go from selection to finished product. We take five days for normal design and ten days for standard, Ko Khin Maung Than said. For special design, we take even three weeks. For handmade designs of silk and ribbons, it takes up to one month. When an invitation card comes to a home, guests often look at it and criticise the bride or bridegroom for either being too cheap or too showy. But they also use the card to decide what level of gift is required, which means some influential people are loaded down with expensive invitation cards demanding equally grand gestures in return. If you hold a high-level appointment, you shouldnt use normal invitation cards as you respect your guests, said a 36-yearold man who didnt wish his name to be used. But there is one catch: If you invite a guest who cant manage too much, this invitation will be a burden on them. When planning his wedding, he said, he and his fiance divided their guests into two categories: For youths and normal guests, I gave standard invitation cards, and for my superior officers, I gave special invitation cards. People who are already married agree that wedding celebrations and invitation cards are not as important as living together with their beloved for as long as they both shall live. Those preparing to get married, however, want their weddings to be

Mya Kay Khine

mya.simplefly@gmail.com

EDDING invitations these days arent just designed to spread the news of a happy couples impending nuptials. Theyre also carefully calibrated attempts to advertise the prestige of the affianced pair and their families, not to mention ways of paying respect to and soliciting gifts from their more influential acquaintances. It wasnt always this way. U Aung Than, 62, was married in 1977 and lives in Yangon. In our time, he said, most people didnt compete to hold the greatest wedding. The best invitation cards as are used now didnt exist. Cards opened on one

A woman checks a sample invitation card at a shop in Yangon last month. Photo: KMT

invitation cards, and for my superior officers, I gave special invitation cards. 36-year-old married man
side. There were no pages of words inserted into the middle of the card. These invitation words were put on the inside of the card itself. At one time, people with wealthy relatives used invitation cards. But others, especially in rural areas, often spread the news to their neighbours and friends most of whom already knew both families simply by dropping by their houses bearing small gifts of cigarettes or flowers. For busy urban couples, however, cards are a must. And to cater to that growing demographic, more designs are available now than ever before. Many couples are seeking 2006, fancier cards imported from foreign countries became the norm. There are three kinds of card, said Ko Khin Maung Than, normal design, standard design and special design. Normal design is also known as old design. These would have been the best cards in 2006. Now the latest design, special design, is those after 2012. Normal design cards are printed with spaces ready for the name of the bride and bridegroom. Standard design cards are larger, and use silver and gold lettering. Special design cards are thicker still, and the most expensive even use silk and ribbons.

For youths and normal guests, I gave standard

picture-perfect, even if that means being forced to spend money to keep up with ever-more-elaborate standards of invitation cards before the big day even arrives. But not everyone is caught up in the trend. Most girls want to have the

best wedding, said Ko Myo Myint Aung. He lives in Moegoke and got married in February 2013. My wifes family is more rich [than mine is], but we celebrated our wedding as I wanted. When we got married, we spent more on feeding our guests instead.

South Koreas growing credit problem

Lucy Williamson
South Koreans are spending more than they earn. After decades of strong economic growth, a nation of careful savers has given birth to a credit culture that has been labelled a ticking time bomb. Park Jong-hyun has put on a jacket for his visit to Koreas National Happiness Fund. The thin, shiny material catches the strip lights as he and his wife wait their turn at the counter. About 150,000 people like him have applied to the fund since it opened five months ago a new government initiative designed to help the poorest Koreans manage their debt. But not everyone agrees this kind of debt amnesty is the answer. Its been designed as a one-time solution for those on the lowest incomes and is scheduled to run only for five years, but critics say it will encourage people to default. The schemes general manager, Kwon Young-dae, points to the strict criteria for applications and to the profile of those applying: the average debt of applicants is just over US$10,000, he says, and their average income is less than half that. This isnt about funding lavish lifestyles, he added. The National Happiness Fund was a key campaign pledge of the current South Korean president, Park Geun-hye, who has vowed to tackle growing inequality in the country. Its the most dramatic side of the countrys debt problem, but South Koreas credit culture spreads far beyond its poorest citizens. The pressure to spend money on brand names and high-end consumer goods has spiralled since the Asian Financial Crisis in the late 1990s, even as the economy has slowed. Kim Dae-soon has just gotten married, so he knows all about spending money. Korean weddings are ringed with traditional customs, many of which have acquired a new, modern price-tag. Expected gifts include new suits for all the brides male in-laws and expensive jewellery, accessories and make-up for her in addition to the usual costs of ceremony, reception and honeymoon. Some things about getting married are very stressful here because there are certain standards that need to be met - traditional standards and modern standards, Mr Kim said. Traditional marriage is about the concept of hyo, or respect, and deference to ones parents, but the modern marriage is all about spending money. Its become very commercialised. Mr Kims parents got married in their village, with the help of their neighbours. His wedding and modest rental apartment cost $300,000 - mostly because Koreas unique system of rental deposits means that anyone trying to set up home faces a steep investment. And recent research has found that even in the past three years, the cost of getting married in South Korea has grown by 30pc. BBC

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Most romantic honeymoon getaways

When youre getting married in one of the worlds top travel destinations, why bother looking elsewhere for the honeymoon? It was impossible to choose just five perfect spots, so here are our top six choices for newlyweds looking to get away from it all during their first trip as a married couple
ei thae thae naing
eithaethaenaing@gmail.com

Chaungtha Its one of the most popular beaches in Myanmar, so you may not think that returning to a place youve already been with friends and family is very exotic. But for that first trip with your soul mate, it will feel like a whole new experience. Yangon to Chaungtha by bus takes about six hours, and provides a picturesque view of the hills and small villages along the way. The prices at the resorts are fair compared to other well-known beaches, and you can visit the small villages nearby for souvenirs, local snacks and maybe even some new swimwear. After all, the beach is the real attraction here: You can ride horses and bicycles along the waters edge, go for a swim, then dry off and eat delicious, fresh seafood from the local market while watching the waves roll in. What better way to unwind after tying the knot? Ngwe Saung The road from Yangon forks at Pathein, and if you take the road that doesnt go to Chaungtha youll find yourself at another beach paradise further down the coast, one with even clearer waters. The roads have improved recently and the beach itself boasts several resorts and a small village. Endless white sand beaches are the perfect place for long romantic walks in which you share memories of the wedding and plan for a future together that will seem as wide and inviting as the water before you. And what better time for an excursion to nearby Lovers Island than on your honeymoon? Ngapali Theres no other way to say it: Ngapali in Rakhine State is Myanmars most beautiful beach. A 45-minute flight from Yangon takes you to Thandwe, and from there its just a 5-10 minute drive to reach sea air that will make you feel refreshed just to be breathing it in. The water is the clearest; the sand is the whitest there just isnt any place better to watch the sun setting over the Bay of Bengal. Theres also a fishing village nearby, so dont forget to take a break from soaking up the suns rays to soak up a bit of the local Rakhine culture as well. Inle Why head to water if theres no beach? The answer is that Inle is one of Myanmars most beguiling locales. Its full of tradition and a must-see for all visitors to the country, so if your perfect honeymoon involves more than just relaxing on the sand, it may also be perfect for you. Most villagers the Intha live on wood or bamboo houses built on the lake itself. Their lifestyle is simple and their fishing style rowing their boats by foot is famous. Its a 14-hour trip by car from Yangon, and the water markets are only open during pagoda festivals, so plan your trip carefully. What better way to celebrate the end of the Buddhist Lent period than with an October wedding and subsequent trip to the Phaung Daw Oo pagoda festival following the Thadingyut light festival celebrations? Mandalay A visit to Mandalay is a visit to the place where the last of the Myanmar royalty reigned. What better place to explore with the

Kids and adults play at Chaungtha. Photo: The Myanmar Times

newly crowned king or queen of your own heart? The palace and royal buildings are only some of many must-see landmarks. Youll also want to head out of the city to the U Bein bridge, where you can take pictures or even hire a boat to take you out on the water for a better view of the sunset or sunrise. Back in town, the climb up Mandalay Hill is a steep challenge but will give the two of you plenty of excuses to find a quiet bench to rest, chat and enjoy the panoramic view of the city and your future stretching before you. Bagan If you want to start your married

life by paying respect at pagodas, what better place than Bagan? The most famous ancient city in Myanmar has thousands of them, ranging from awe-inspiring monuments to smaller tributes now nearly overgrown by brush. A horse and cart or, better yet, two bicycles seems the ideal way to explore. Its 11 hours from Yangon by car, but a flight lasts less than an hour. Just remember that, regardless of what the guidebooks recommend atop a pagoda or hundreds of feet up in a hot-air balloon there is no one perfect place from which to see the sunset in Bagan. The fact is, theyre all perfect.

Hotels in Chaungtha await holiday makers and especially newly-weds. Photo: The Myanmar Times

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When joining hands means crossing cultures

Shakespeare wrote that one should not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments. But what about when two minds hold different beliefs?
and meet at each of our houses before marriage, we have to live in a house [together] after marriage, and the negotiation starts from that time, said Ko Nay. One of the first challenges for Ko Nay and his wife was food. He said he was able to eat only his wifes Shan foods for about six months, but after that he couldnt go without his own familiar food any longer. After six months I couldnt stand it and asked her to cook Burmese curries. Then she ordered them for me every day. I feel sorry for overloading her and making her busier but I also cant eat Shan foods, he said. Though he found no problems The language issue came to the fore when the couple had a son and had to choose whether he should grow up speaking Shan or Myanmar. As we live in Myanmar, my son has to speak well in Burmese, I think. But hes surrounded by Shan [people] and they speak the Shan language. I asked them to speak in Burmese, but they worried for their customs and traditions. We talked about it and finally we made an agreement that they wont use the Shan language in front of me, Ko Nay said. But Ko Nay said it was good luck that their shared religious beliefs present no hurdle for his

Nyein Ei Ei Htwe
nyeineieihtwe23@gmail.com

Film actors drink champagne at a wedding fair in Yangon. Photo: Lwin Maung Maung

VER the course of a marriage, differences of opinion can sometimes drive a wedge between a couple, or even lead to divorce. Thats true even for insignificant matters. When it comes to the larger issues faith, culture, customs, language the challenges can be even greater. For some cross-cultural couples, however, theyre just another everyday part of the joys and struggles of marriage. Ko Nay, a Bamar man whose wife is Shan, lives in Pyin Oo Lwin township in Mandalay Region. He said love alone cant bring together two lives for a successful marriage. He said negotiation is also important. I wont argue that love isnt important for marriage. But we shouldnt forget we have to be patient for the rest of our lives for that love. Though we can date

If you think only you are right, and only your nationality and your customs are important, therell be fights forever. Salai Aung Myint
before marriage, he said that at times listening to the Shan language becomes a challenge. They [his wife and others] speak in the Shan language, Ko Nay said.I could ignore their talking at first but later I became lonely because I cant speak it. family. If that wasnt the case, he said, they would have to deal with that the same way they talk about other issues, large or small. If we were not of the same religion, we would need to discuss it openly. Even if you dont have a very strong belief in religion, you

should discuss it openly before marriage. You can follow whatever your partner wants out of love but after marriage, you have to stay together, he said. Ma Phyo, who is married to an Australian man, agreed with Ko Nay, saying that food and language sometimes present obstacles for a married couple from different backgrounds. I can speak English well but when we quarrel I sometimes cant find an English word to match what I want to say to him. As it is not my mother tongue, I need to choose my words ahead of time, said Ma Phyo. Ma Phyo and her husband were married in 2005. The odd quarrel aside, they said, the two of them along with their two-year-old daughter have a peaceful life together. Ma Phyo believes their shared taste in food is one thing to helps them get along. He can eat Burmese curries with rice and even likes to eat mohinga or salads. But if he doesnt like some curries, he wont ask for them. Me too; when I dont like some of his meals, I dont ask for them again. But we dont complain or criticise each other, Ma Phyo said. In the kitchen or out of it, the habits of East and West can sometimes be totally different. Ma Phyo suggested that couples have to change their thoughts and learn to compromise for a peaceful life even if that means coming to terms with the fact that your partner had an independent life before the two of you met. In our Burmese custom, people used to think the first love will be until the end of life But marriage is the real commitment for life in Western countries, so its not important what happened before they were married. So we shouldnt be jealous of their expartners and shouldnt repeatedly talk what they did in past, Ma Phyo said. Learning to look ahead became especially important with the birth of their daughter, as each partner had to learn the styles of the other as they planned their future together. They [Westerners] are used to speaking out directly from their mind. But our custom is that, before we speak, we need to think and think. So we should look at all situations from both sides and talk openly about what we each want, said Ma Phyo.

These necessities of compromise lead Ma Phyo to believe that respect, patience and mutual understanding are required to build a successful married life. She said you cant marry only out of love if you dont have those things as well. We dont change each other. We have to accept who we are, Ma Phyo said. Salai Aung Myint, a Chin man who works for an NGO, has been married for five months to his Karen wife. He agreed that love is only half of whats importance in cross-cultural marriages. The most important is to keep yourself broad-minded and prepared before marriage. If you are peaceful, accepting and understanding of each other, you dont have to discuss every last detail. But if you think only you are right, and only your nationality and customs are important, therell be fights forever. He said there are many different Chin customs, so letting his wife learn about where he comes from and what he represents is important to him. But he also has to compromise. Sometimes, we have to neglect some of our customs rather than holding on to them forever. I have to understand what she wants to be so we can ask one another for our needs and wants. As we come from different cultures, we need to discuss everything, said Salai Aung Myint. Partners who speak two languages should be prepared to act as interpreters for those who dont, he said. When we visited my hometown, near the Indian border, there was some worry because she cant speak our Chin language. My relatives wanted to speak with her but I needed to translate what they said. Some felt a little sad because they wanted to be close with her. The couple attends both Karen and Chin traditional events, Salai Aung Myint added. Love plays an important part in marriage, but there cant be a fire with only a spark. Mutual understanding and negotiation from both sides will make the perfect and successful marriage life. Its a balance thats important in any marriage, cross-cultural or not. We should listen to our hearts, Salai Aung Myint suggested,but dont forget to accept the decisions of our brains.

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Need a hand with your big day?

Wedding planners are relatively new in Myanmar, but engaged couples who can afford to are getting help with everything from adding up expenses to slimming down for that one perfect dress
Nandar Aung
nandaraung.mcm@gmail.com

AW Thazin Min Khaing, managing director of the Romantic wedding planner group, has worked as a wedding planner for over two years. Ironically, she says, it wasnt a career she ever planned on. Before I started as a professional I used to help out with my friends wedding ceremonies, she said. From that moment, I become a wedding planner without any notice. Seeing her talents, one of her friends suggested she should take up wedding planning as a career. At that time, I didnt know that I could be [a wedding planner]. First I put an advert in the newspaper. At the end of 2011, I got my first client. A wedding planner is a professional who assists with the design, planning and management of a clients wedding from beginning to end. The planner also has to work with the couple to set a budget, and help out with the complicated documentation and paperwork. While a wedding only lasts a couple of hours, it serves as an important memory for the rest of the wedded couples lives. Accordingly, some couples want every detail to be perfect, and are willing to pay to have someone else take on the worry on their behalf.

Models pose at a wedding fair in Yangon. Photo: Lwin Maung Maung

A top wedding planner from Europe or the United States can earn US$120,000 a year, Daw Thazin Min Khaing says. In Myanmar the industry isnt quite so lucrative, but whether here or abroad, one certainty is that the higher the cost of the wedding, the higher the fee for the wedding planner. Daw Thazin Min Khaing pegs the average price of her clients weddings at somewhere between

K2 million and K5 million, including wedding dress, ballroom, make-up and so on. Her own fees come out to about 10 percent,

usually K200,000 but sometimes up to K500,000. But dont get the impression thats easy money, she says. When the client comes I ask what they want and how their budget is and what they want to do. And then I collect the facts and start planning a detailed checklist. There have been some instances in which brides have asked me how to lose weight. Others have asked me to serve as an usher on their wedding day. She said seating guests she doesnt know is an even trickier task than helping the bride to be comfortable with her appearance on the big day. The usher work is difficult to do for me. As a tradition, Myanmar people like to be welcomed by the people they know. As for me, I like people who know me to welcome me on their wedding day. As wedding planners, we might meet people we dont know and that makes things difficult. But I see some services advertise that they will serve as ushers. She said one foreign wedding tradition that would make seating guests easier hasnt yet caught on here. The RSVP system and a table number put in a wedding ceremony invitation card can solve the seating problem. But In Myanmar the RSVP system is

undeveloped and most invitation cards Ive seen dont show the table number. There are other differences, she said, between planners here and abroad. In foreign countries, the wedding planner sets aside a couple of hours for the client. If the time ends they charges extra as a service fee. But Myanmar planners will give more time for their clients. Still, she said, its the recent influence of foreign experience that has helped establish the role here. Parents used to arrange the wedding by themselves. They used to practise wedding traditions one generation after the next. So some of them didnt accept the wedding planner. They didnt know what the job of a wedding planner is. But by 2012, some Myanmar people who work in foreign countries were coming back to Myanmar and holding their weddings here. They didnt want to come back early [in order to arrange the wedding themselves], so they started to join up with wedding planners. Like weddings themselves, it seems, the job of the wedding planner is a mix of the old and the new. And if youre willing to break with tradition and willing to pay someone to help you do it it might just be for you.

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All that glitters: Diamonds outshine gold for Chinese brides

nder a black-andwhite framed photo of the New York skyline, a bottle of Moet & Chandon champagne cools in the private bridal salon at Tiffany & Cos flagship Shanghai store, while white roses and love poems set the mood for Chinas Romeo to pop the question to his Juliet. The room, dotted with splashes of the jewellers iconic eggshell blue, has been busy of late, as young Chinese, drawn by the allure of diamonds, increasingly choose the sparkling gems over traditional gold baubles to mark their marriage vows. Chinas diamond market, now the worlds second-largest after the United States, has more than tripled to US$22.8 billion over the last five years, according to data from market research firm Euromonitor, steadily gobbling up market share from gold and far outstripping the growth rate in Chinas 465 billion yuan ($76 billion) jewellery sector. [In China] we now have more and more young people making their declarations and proposal ceremonies within our bridal rooms, said Stephane Lafay, Tiffanys head of Asia Pacific and Japan, who said couples were

attracted to the romantic image of the jewellers well-known little blue box. At the centre of the trend are Chinas 13 million brides each year, who are increasingly demanding diamonds. All along, my husband and I always thought that we would buy a diamond ring, so it never crossed my mind he might not. I think Id have been pretty cross if he hadnt, said Zhou Lijuan, 27, an accountant in a state-owned company in Shanghai, with a 50,000 yuan ($8,200) diamond ring.

including Hong Kong, to the second-largest diamond jewellery market after the United States, according to Bain & Co, and along with India, it is expected to be the main driver of growth for the $72 billion global market. The appeal of diamonds, long linked with wedding bells in Europe and America, hasnt always been so strong in China, where the bride-to-bes family was often responsible for supplying a goldbased dowry of rings, bracelets and other trinkets. In my mums generation,

Chinas 13 million brides each year are increasingly demanding diamonds.

To be sure, gold is still hugely popular in China, both as jewellery and as an investment. The World Gold Council said earlier this year that China was set to challenge Indias position as the worlds top gold consumer, with 2013 demand soaring more than 20 percent to 1000 tonnes. But diamonds have steadily increased as a share of Chinas overall jewellery market, accounting for just under one-third now from one-quarter five years ago, according to Euromonitor. This has propelled Greater China, women were really just interested in gold. The womans family would prepare a gold bracelet themselves, and the mans side would arrange a golden betrothal gift, added Zhou, who got married in 2012. But tastes are changing. Chinas modern consumers have much more exposure to Western culture than their parents, including books, films and television that often involve heroines or romantic leads receiving or wearing a diamond ring. Western films have a kind of
A Chinese couple get married in San Fransisco in the United States. Photo: theknot.com

bridge effect, so when Chandler buys a diamond ring for Monica in Friends, it really left a deep impression, said Lily Cai, 30, a civil servant in Shanghai, referring to the hit US television series. A diamond ring is a symbol of love, and the larger the diamond the deeper the love, she added. She now has a diamond ring from Chinese jewellers Chow Tai Fook Jewellery Group Ltd which cost

43,000 yuan. The sparkle of Chinas diamond industry has tempted jewellers, miners and dealers alike. Global auction house Sothebys is set to offer a huge white diamond in Hong Kong at the start of October, which would be the most expensive white diamond ever sold at auction if it hits its $28 million lower pre-sale target. From 2006 until now weve seen a threefold increase, close to 200pc of Asian buyers purchasing jewellery worldwide. What theyve really focused on, of course, is diamonds, said Patti Wong, chairman of Sothebys Asia, who added Chinese buyers were showing increasing confidence about snapping up the most expensive gems. De Beers, the largest diamond producer by value and majorityowned by miner Anglo American Plc, sees China as driving growth over the next four years. It has five diamond-focused outlets in China with more set to open this year. The incentive is clear. Tiffanys Lafay said over the last 20 years, the number of people buying diamond engagement rings has risen from less than 1pc to more than 50pc in urban China. More than half of the countrys 1.3 billion population now live in cities. Even traditionally gold-focused jewellers, such as Chinas Chow Tai Fook, are looking to up exposure to diamonds. The worlds biggest jewellery retailer by market value, it recently struck a deal with Russian miner AK Alrosa OAO to ensure its diamond supply. Mainland Chinese are becoming more westernised, so they tend to select diamond rings for their engagement proposal and wedding, said Chow Tai Fooks managing director Kent Wong. China will also be a critical market for Rio Tinto Plcs diamond business, after the worlds No. 3 miner scrapped a planned sale of the unit earlier this year. Rio Tinto has now set up links with Chow Tai Fook, and last week invited 100 jewellery experts in Hong Kong to see its latest diamond haul.
Reuters

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50 wedding traditions and superstitions

Everyones got a know-it-all in the family: the uncle who spits out World Series stats at the drop of a hat, the sister who can list all the James Bond flicks in reverse chronological order, the reptile-enthusiast cousin. Were proud to be your wedding equivalent here are 50 wedding facts to ponder as you plan your big day
1. Hey, brides, tuck a sugar cube into your glove according to Greek culture, the sugar will sweeten your union. 2. The English believe a spider found in a wedding dress means good luck. Yikes! 3. In English tradition, Wednesday is considered the best day to marry, although Monday is for wealth and Tuesday is for health. 4. The groom carries the bride across the threshold to bravely protect her from evil spirits lurking below. 5. Saturday is the unluckiest wedding day, according to English folklore. Funny its the most popular day of the week to marry! 6. Ancient Romans studied pig entrails to determine the luckiest time to marry. 7. Rain on your wedding day is actually considered good luck, according to Hindu tradition! 8. For good luck, Egyptian women pinch the bride on her wedding day. Ouch! 9. Middle Eastern brides paint henna on their hands and feet to protect themselves from the evil eye. 10. Peas are thrown at Czech newlyweds instead of rice. 11. A Swedish bride puts a silver coin from her father and a gold coin from her mother in each shoe to ensure that shell never do without. 12. A Finnish bride traditionally went door-to-door collecting gifts in a pillowcase, accompanied by an older married man who represented long marriage. 13. Moroccan women take a milk bath to purify themselves before their wedding ceremony. 14. In Holland, a pine tree is planted outside the newlyweds home as a symbol of fertility and luck. 15. Engagement and wedding rings are worn on the fourth finger of the left hand because it was once thought that a vein in that finger led directly to the heart. 16. About 70 percent of all brides sport the traditional diamond on the fourth finger of their left hand. 17. Priscilla Presleys engagement ring was a whopping 3.5-carat rock surrounded by a detachable row of smaller diamonds. 18. Diamonds set in gold or silver became popular as betrothal rings among wealthy Venetians toward the end of the 15th century. 19. In the symbolic language of jewels, a sapphire in a wedding ring means marital happiness. 20. A pearl engagement ring is said to be bad luck because its shape echoes that of a tear. 21. One of historys earliest engagement rings was given to Princess Mary, daughter of Henry VIII. She was two years old at the time. 22. Seventeen tons of gold are made into wedding rings each year in the United States! 23. Snake rings dotted with ruby eyes were popular wedding bands in Victorian England the coils winding into a circle symbolized eternity. 24. Aquamarine represents marital harmony and is said to ensure a long, happy marriage. 25. Queen Victoria started the Western worlds white wedding dress trend in 1840 before then, brides simply wore their best dress. 26. In parts of Asia, wearing robes with embroidered cranes symbolises fidelity for the length of a marriage. 27. Ancient Greeks and Romans thought the veil protected the bride from evil spirits. Brides have worn veils ever since. 28. On her wedding day, Grace Kelly wore a dress with a bodice made from beautiful 125-year-old lace. 29. Of course, Jackie Kennedys bridesmaids were far from frumpy. She chose pink silk faille and red satin gowns created by African-American designer Ann Lowe (also the creator of Jackies dress). 30. In Japan, white was always world including Celtic, Hindu and Egyptian weddings the hands of a bride and groom are literally tied together to demonstrate the couples commitment to each other and their new bond as a married couple (giving us the popular phrase tying the knot). 44. The Roman goddess Juno rules over marriage, the hearth, and childbirth, hence the popularity of June weddings. 45. Princess Victoria established the tradition of playing Wagners Bridal Chorus during her wedding processional in 1858. 46. The bride stands to the grooms left during a Christian ceremony, because in bygone days the groom needed his right hand free to fight off other suitors. 47. On average, 7000 couples marry each day in the United States. 48. Valentines Day and New Years Eve are the two busiest marriage days in Las Vegas elopement central! 49. The Catholic tradition of posting the banns to announce a marriage originated as a way to ensure the bride and groom were not related. 50. Stag parties were first held by ancient Spartan soldiers, who kissed their bachelor days goodbye with a raucous party.
Theknot.com

the colour of choice for bridal ensembles long before Queen Victoria popularised it in the Western world. 31. Most expensive wedding ever? The marriage of Sheik Rashid Bin Saeed Al Maktoums son to Princess Salama in Dubai in May 1981. The price tag? US$44 million. 32. In Korea, brides don bright hues of red and yellow to take their vows. 33. Brides carry or wear something old on their wedding day to symbolise continuity with the past. 34. In Denmark, brides and grooms traditionally cross-dressed to confuse evil spirits! 35. The something blue in a bridal ensemble symbolises purity, fidelity and love. 36. In Egypt, the brides family traditionally does all the cooking for a week after the wedding, so the couple can relax. 37. In South Africa, the parents

of both bride and groom traditionally carried fire from their hearths to light a new fire in the newlyweds hearth. 38. The tradition of a wedding cake comes from ancient Rome, where revellers broke a loaf of bread over a brides head for fertilitys sake. 39. The custom of tiered cakes emerged from a game where the bride and groom attempted to kiss over an ever-higher cake without knocking it over. 40. Queen Victorias wedding cake weighed a whopping 300 pounds. 41. Legend says single women will dream of their future husbands if they sleep with a slice of grooms cake under their pillows. 42. An old wives tale: If the younger of two sisters marries first, the older sister must dance barefoot at the wedding or risk never landing a husband. 43. In many cultures around the