Jiarong Wang ENG 107 February 28, 2012

Why Chinese weddings are more complex than American weddings?

Wedding is a good way to see the cultural differences between two nations. I attended several weddings in China. the weddings in China are always big and they have signature dishes. I havent attended American wedding yet. But according to my roommates and the pictures that they showed to me, I found that usually American wedding are smaller and simpler than a Chinese wedding. My opinion is based on the following reasons. Firstly, the family attachment in China has always been strong. People think that everything in life should have a good start. The wedding ceremony has always been seen as the first step of forming a happy family. That's why there are so many strict rules in Chinese wedding. Such as: decorating the bride and groom's home into red before the wedding day, serving tea to each set of relatives, specific dishes, putting money in a red envelope, and carefully selecting the wedding date according to the lunar calendar. The tradition has not been changed over thousands years. From our ancestors to us, we all hope to have a good family life. And Chinese people are very close with their families. The family members support each other in various ways by sharing meals and jobs. So, to form a good family is really important to Chinese people!

This viewpoint makes Chinese weddings so complex. However, freedom is one of the most important beliefs for Americans. They don't want be constraint by family life. So getting married is not that important for them. America doesn't have long history like China. Americans do not need to obey too many restrictions like Chinese. The wedding tradition is different between American and Chinese. In America, people pay much attention on pure and romantic feeling while people in china emphasize the ceremony. American weddings usually take place in a church or outdoors like a garden or a beach. At first, the bride will go towards the groom together with her father, and then when they reach to the groom, the father will give his daughter's hands into the hands of the groom. Then the pastor will ask the bride and the groom to make lifelong commitments to each other. Under the blessings of all relatives and friends, the couple will exchange their wedding rings and kiss. Moreover, the dishes serve at American weddings can vary. It can be a formal meal or a buffet. Dance and other entertainment are very important part of American weddings. Usually, the bride and groom perform the dance first and the guest accompanies them. Lastly, there is a change of wedding gifts. American couples usually prepared the registry in advance consisting of list of gifts they desired. They may need home bases or the donation for their honeymoon. To prepare an American wedding doesnt need to obey lots of traditional rules. They can have the wedding in their own way. However, holding a Chinese wedding is more complex and they need to consider more. Before the wedding day, two sets of parents need to decorate the bride and grooms home in bright red, from tablecloths, bed, windows to cars. Red represents lucky and happiness in China. In the morning of the wedding day, the groom and ushers drive decorated car to brides ho me so they can get the bride to her new home. Before the groom get into the brides home, the

bridesmaids will ask him several personal questions. Sometimes, they ask him to dance or sing. Once in the house, the bride and groom formally serve tea to the brides relatives in return for gifts. Then the bride and groom will go back to the grooms home together. In the same way, they will serve tea to the grooms relatives. Usually, the wedding ceremony holds in a hotel in the evening and most of relatives and friends will attend. The menu of a Chinese wedding ceremony usually includes ten courses with starters, sharks fin soup, Peking duck and lobster, crab claws, fish, sweet red bean soup, and sweet buns. Each dish holds a symbolic meaning. During the ceremony, the guests like to play tricks with the newlyweds. And the couple must toast to every table. It seems impolite if you are not drunk in a Chinese wedding. In China, money is always the best wedding gift. The cash or check should be presented to the couple in a red envelope. The giver should write their name on the envelope. The number of money should avoid unlucky numbers such as four, and should involve the lucky numbers such as eight and nine. Moreover, the wedding date is carefully picked according to the lunar calendar. Aside from that, they also make sure that the moon and stars are properly aligned on the chosen date. In a word, American couples can decide their own weddings regardless of others opinions. They can plan a really romantic wedding and enjoy themselves. Chinese couples pay much attention on obeying the rules and have more restrictions with their ceremonies. Personal culture is another reason that why Americans pay less attention on their weddings. American culture emphasize on individuality whereas Chinese culture place more attention on collectivity. This interpretation was suggested by Markusand Kityama's (1991) research. As a result of their study, Markus and Kitayama (1991) categorized Chinese culture as collectivist and American culture as individualistic. Accordingly, Hz (1953, as cited in Hatfield & Raspson,

2003) theorized that these cultural differences influence how the people of these two cultures treat the concept of romantic love. Specifically, since this concept is more of an individualistic expression than a collectivist motion, romantic love is more likely to be readily accepted by American culture than it is by Chinese culture. Whereas An American asks, How does my heart feel?A Chinese man or woman asks, What will other people say? (Hz,1953, p. 50, as cited in Hatfield & Rapson, 2003). The same applies to wedding. Americans do things that make them feel good. They can only invite people they are close with and not the people they dont like or dont hang out often. They dont need to invite. However Rapson, since Chinese culture is collectivist, relationshipbecomes very important in daily life. A wedding ceremony becomes a good way to connect with your business friends and friends that are notclose with before. So its interesting that theguests dont know each other at all or even some guests that the couple doesnt met before. Maybe they are the really old friends or businesspartners of two sets of parents. And we Chinesethink that if she invited me to attend her wedding before, I should also invite her. Even we havent connected for several years. And if you invite one of your cousins, youd better invite all of other cousins. Maybe you do not getalong well with them. Those make the Chinesewedding more complex and big scaled. Thirdly, Chinese people pay more attention on wedding ceremony because they think onecan only get married once in life. They disagreewith divorce. An ancient proverb admonishes newlyweds to be married until your hair turnswhite. Getting married is a big decision for Chinese. Although now in China the divorcerate is increasing, but the majority of people stillthink that getting divorced is the shame of thefamily and have a bad influence on children. Young people and their family are very carefulwhen they choose wife or husband and hold

thewedding. How cant you pay attention to thething that only happens once in your entire life! So, a complex wedding ceremony isunderstandable. They think that the wedding isone of the most important things of their life. People think highly of marriage. Chinese culturehas traditionally leaned heavily against divorce. In feudal China, it was shameful for women to marry more than once; divorced women werewere called op xie (old shoe). ( CNNDivorce rate rises in China June 18, 2010 ) Until 2003, couples seeking divorce required written permission from employers or neighborhood committees and many couples were forced to stay in dead marriages just to keep their privacy and avoid public stigma.However, Chinas marriage law was revised in 2003 to drop the requirement and make it easier for couples to split. ( CNN Divorce rate rises in China June 18, 2010 ) Statistics show that of each one thousand people in America, there are4.95 get divorced while in China, only 0.79 people get divorced. ( Nation Master.com) Holding a complex and luxury wedding or just a simple one, they both have good and bad effects. A luxury wedding may become an unforgettable memory to the couple, especially for the bride. I think lots of girls hope that they can have a big wedding and be the mostbeautiful women in that day. Girls may want to show off alittle bit to their friends. However, in a simplewedding, the couple will be more relax and they can save more money for their honeymoon. And because all the guests are close friends, they can feel more romantic and pure feeling and enjoy themselves more. I personally prefer a big scaled Chinesewedding. Since I am a girl and I am not going to get married for the second time. The wedding day is gonna be the most impressive day of my life. I can keep a good memory in mind. I think I will feel happy and satisfied when I memorizeit.