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Lillie, Well done! Your essay is well written, and shows your knowledge of the film Big Fish.

Your beginning sentences are strong, preparing your reader for the paragraph they are about to read, and your concluding sentences in most paragraphs provide the reader with a clear argument. Next time, try to read your work out loud a few times, or simply read through your writing to pick up on any sentences that may read a little unclearly. There are some minor spelling errors to look out for as well. Overall, this essay clearly shows your understanding of Edward Blooms character in the film. Keep up the good work. Grade: 16/20

Belinda, Great work! Your essay clearly shows your understanding of the film Big Fish, and the character or Edward Bloom. You have provided some excellent points and arguments within your writing, as well as some great concluding and introductory sentences. You just need to work on the structure of your sentences, as many of them are a little unclear. When sentences are unclear, it is difficult for an essay to persuade the reader, because it becomes informal. Remember to begin each paragraph with a strong topic sentence to give your reader a clear focus, as well as adding a strong concluding sentence at the end of each paragraph. You mostly did include these two essay components, but a few of your paragraphs did not include these. Also, try not to use words like just, or you in your essay, because the language is supposed to be formal. Other than those areas of improvement, and some minor spelling errors, you have provided a strong essay. Well done. Grade: 13 /20

Elliot Bell, A good effort! Your essay shows your clear understanding of the film Big Fish and the significance of the character of the big fish in the film. You made some great points in your essay, and backed these points up with examples from the film. Next time, keep working on the structure of your sentences, as some of your sentences in this essay were a little unclear. Reading over your work a few times, or even out loud will help you to locate any sentences, or phrases that are too lengthy, wordy, or unclear. Remember to provide a strong topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph, and a link back sentence at the end of each paragraph to tie your ideas together. There are also some minor spelling errors to watch out for as well. Finally, remember that essays are formal pieces of writing, so try to stay away from phrases such as: in conclusion. Overall, you have made an excellent effort to provide your reader with an argument about the significance of the big fish character in the film. Well done. Grade: 11 / 20

Isla, Well done! Your essay clearly shows your comprehensive knowledge of the film Big Fish and the character of Edward Bloom. You made some outstanding points in your essay, and argued them accordingly. Your introduction and conclusion were strong, and gave an indication of the points you were going to make in your essay, and the position you had taken. Next time, remember to provide a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce your reader to what you will be discussing. Also, remember to provide a strong link back sentence at the end of each paragraph to tie your ideas together. There were also some minor spelling errors in your work, but your sentences were mostly clear and coherent. Well done overall. Grade: 14 / 20

Gwynne, Great work! Your essay shows your understanding of the film, and the significance of the big fish character throughout Big Fish. You have argued some excellent and unique points in your essay, and backed each point up with relevant examples and quotes from the film. You seem to have grasped the concept of essay writing well. Next time, make sure that you provide a clear topic sentence to introduce each paragraph to your reader, as well as providing a link back sentence to tie your ideas together. Also be sure to read through your work a few times to pick up any sentences that are unclear. Some of your sentences were a little confusing, though I was able to establish the general points you were trying to make. Good work overall. Grade: 14/20

Tom, Well done! Your essay is clearly written, and reads well. You have chosen your topics wisely, and argued them accordingly. You have used examples and quotes from the film to back up each topic, and your writing is succinct. You have provided an excellent introduction, and conclusion, giving your reader a clear insight about the topics your essay will focus on, and what your general opinion was about the topics you argued. Remember to provide a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph within the body of your essay, and a clear link back sentence at the end of each paragraph to tie all of your ideas together. Overall, your spelling is excellent, and your writing is clear; great work. Grade: 17/20

Stephanie, Well done! Your essay shows your extensive knowledge of the character Edward Bloom in Big Fish. Your paragraphs are well structured, and you made some excellent points in your essay. Your introduction is strong, and your conclusion gives a clear indication of your own opinion about Edward Blooms character. Next time, remember to provide a clear topic sentence, and a clear linkback sentence to the beginning and end of each paragraph. This will help to introduce and conclude each paragraph, tying the key points you made together nicely. You also need to work on your spelling, as there were many spelling errors throughout your essay. Reading your work over a few times or even out loud will also help you to locate any sentences that are unclear. This will help to provide clarity to your writing, making the great points you have made even stronger. Overall, good work. Grade: 14/20

Rory, A good effort! Your essay shows that you have a good understanding of the film. You have raised some good points in your essay, and used quotes and examples from the film to help argue each point. Next time, you need to work on providing a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph. Doing so will help give an idea to the reader about what you will be arguing or expressing in that particular paragraph. Essentially, you are introducing the key points of a paragraph in the topic sentence. You also need to work on providing a clear link back sentence at the end of each paragraph. A link back sentence will help to tie your key points together, making a clear transition into your next paragraph. I could understand the points you were attempting to make, but going through your work a few times will help you to locate any sentences that are unclear. Finally, try to avoid the use of statements such as I, My, etc. Doing so decreases the formality of your writing, making your arguments less persuasive. Overall, this was a good attempt at essay writing. If you work with the feedback I have given you, your writing will continue to improve. Grade: 9/20

Lloyd, Well done! Your essay shows that you have a good knowledge about the quotes, events and characters in the film. You raised some good points in your essay, and many of these points were clearly written to persuade the reader about Edward Blooms personality. Next time, you need to work on the overall structure of your essay. This means, that it should begin with an introduction that introduces the reader to the film, topic, and characters that you will be talking about in your essay; a body, consisting of three paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a particular topic, and each paragraph needs a strong opening sentence to introduce the topic, and a strong link back sentence to tie the ideas together. Your conclusion was well written, but you shouldnt add new information or quotes into the conclusion, as the purpose of the conclusion is to: answer the essay question, give a summary of the points you made, and to conclude your argument. Your writing was formal, just like a persuasive piece should be, but remember to read through your work to make sure that each sentence is clear for your reader. There were a lot of minor errors, such as no capital letters for a characters name that could have been fixed. Next time, if you keep this feedback in mind, I am confident that you will be able to construct an excellent essay. Good job. Grade: 9 / 10

Athan, A good attempt at essay writing! Your essay shows that you have a good knowledge and understanding of the events in the film, as well as the character of Edward Bloom. You raised some strong points in your argument, and used quotes as examples from the film to back up each point raised. Next time, you need to work on the structure and format of your essay. Your essay should begin with an introduction, introducing the film, and the topics you will be discussing. It should then include three or four paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a particular point, and include a clear topic sentence to introduce the paragraph, and a clear link back sentence to tie your ideas together. You have a good idea of what needs to be included in the conclusion, but you need to take the opportunity throughout your conclusion to answer the essay question, giving a clear opinion of where you stand. The conclusion should also include a sentence at the very end that is strong, and to the point to help complete your essay. Another thing you need to pay attention to is your spelling and punctuation. Remember that names have capital letters. Reading through your work will help you to pick up any of these errors, or unclear sentences. I am confident that your writing will improve if you take this feedback into account for next time. Remember to keep reading through your work, and use your time wisely to edit and proof read. Good work. Grade: 9/10

Daisy, Great work! Your essay shows that you have a comprehensive understanding of the film Big Fish, as well as the characters within the film. Your writing is clear, coherent and fluent. The points you raised in your essay were strong, and each point was backed up with a quote and an example from the film. Your introduction and conclusion is strong, and to the point, and the points you made in your essay were also succinct. Next time, remember to provide a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph. This will help to introduce the points you will make in the paragraph, and give a clear indication of each new point being raised. It is also important to provide a strong link back sentence at the end of each paragraph, to tie all of your ideas and points together. A little more detail would have been good in your second paragraph, but the points you made in your other paragraphs were sufficient. Your writing is formal, and well structured, overall. Well done. Grade: 15/20

Sophie, An outstanding effort! Your essay clearly shows that you have a comprehensive understanding of the film Big Fish. It also shows that you have a good knowledge of the characters within the film. The structure of your essay excellent, and the points you made throughout were strong, clear and coherent. Your introduction and conclusion were well written, and gave your reader a clear indication about the topics you were going to be discussing, and your final opinion of the topics you discussed throughout your essay. You provided an example, and quote from the film for each point you made, and gave some great supporting points to persuade your reader. Next time, instead of using the quotes to begin each paragraph, use them within the paragraph as an example to support the points you are making. Instead, provide a strong topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce the paragraph and the points you are about to make. Remember also, to include a strong link back sentence at the end of every paragraph to tie your points together nicely. You did do this for most paragraphs, but remember for next time, to do this for every paragraph. Keep up the excellent work. Grade: 17 / 20

Imogen, You have written a fantastic essay! Your writing is clear, coherent and succinct. Each point you have made is strong, and you have provided good examples from the film to help complete your argument. You have provided clear topic sentences for each paragraph, and strong link back sentences at the end of each paragraph. You seem to have grasped the concept of essay writing extremely well, and your knowledge of the film has helped you to write an excellent piece of persuasive writing. Your introduction gave a clear indication of the points you were going to argue, and your conclusion helped to answer the question, give your opinion and complete the argument. Just watch out for the length of some of your sentences. If you find that you lose your breath trying to read a sentence, it is a little bit too long. Also, next time, try to avoid the use of words, such as you. Doing so will improve the persuasiveness of your writing. Keep up the great work. Grade: 18/20

Edward, Well done! You clearly have a good understanding of the film Big Fish. Your essay is generally well structured, with strong points, and a good introduction and conclusion. Your writing is mostly formal, and you have provided great examples from the film, and quotes to help persuade your reader. Next time, remember to include a topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph. A topic sentence should introduce the paragraph, and the points you are about to make. It is also important to include a link back sentence to tie all of your ideas together at the end of each paragraph. A link back sentence will help to conclude each point and argument you make. Your writing is generally clear and coherent, and your spelling is mostly accurate, except for a few minor errors. Keep this feedback in mind next time, and I am sure that your essay writing skills will improve tremendously. Grade: 12/20

Mitchell, Excellent work! Your essay shows that you have a sound knowledge of the film Big Fish and the character of Edward Bloom. Your sentences and paragraphs are well structured, clear, coherent and succinct. You provided a strong topic sentence in most of your paragraphs, introducing each topic to your reader. Your introduction and conclusion were both strong. Next time, remember to include a link back sentence at the end of each paragraph to tie your key ideas together. Keep working on your topic sentences, and remember to read through your work to pick up any phrases that may be a little unclear. A little more supporting information in each paragraph would have been excellent, but overall, you have provided some great points. Well done. Grade: 16/20

Kristy, Great work! It is clear, through reading your essay, that you have a sound knowledge of the film Big Fish. Your writing is clear, coherent, and reads well. You have made some excellent points in your essay about the character Edward Bloom, and you have used quotes and examples from the film well to back up the key points you were arguing. Next time, you just need to work on tweaking the structure of your essay, so that there is a clear introduction, body and conclusion. Use the quotes from the film inside of each paragraph, instead of before each paragraph. Remember to include a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce your reader to the points you will be discussing. Also remember to include a strong link back sentence at the end of each paragraph to tie up the points you have made and discussed. Overall, with the exception of one or two minor spelling errors, you have written an excellent essay. I am confident that if you work on the general structure of your essay next time, your grade will be even higher and your essay writing skills will improve tremendously. Well done. Grade: 15 / 20 Jeremy, A good effort! Your essay has raised some good points, and it is clear that you believe Edwards tall tales are something that made his life more interesting. You have also used some good examples from the film to help explain your opinion on the telling of tall tales in the film. Next time, you need to work on the general structure of your essay. Remember that each paragraph needs a strong sentence at the beginning to introduce the topics that you will be discussing. You also need to provide a strong link back sentence at the end of each paragraph to conclude the paragraph and tie together each point you discussed. The introduction was a good start, but remember to introduce the film, and all of the issues you will be arguing throughout your essay. Your conclusion was also good, but try not to use the statement in conclusion. Finally, try to read your work over a few times, or even out loud, so that you can locate any sentences or phrases that are unclear. Using quotes from the film would have helped to back up the points you discussed in your essay. Keep working at your essay writing; it will develop the more you practice. Well done. Grade: 9/20

Jack, Well done! Your essay shows that you have a good understanding of the film Big Fish. You rai sed some great points in your essay, and appropriately used supporting quotes to back up the topics you were discussing. You used some great description when describing Edward Blooms personality and character traits. Towards the end of your essay, your link back sentences were improving. Next time, read your work out loud a few times so that you can pick up any sentences that may be unclear to read. I had a difficult time reading through many of your sentences, because they were not clear. If you lose your breath when reading a sentence, you need to add some punctuation, or split the sentence in half with the use of a full stop. Remember to provide a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce the points you will be discussing. Also, remember to provide a clear link back sentence at the end of every paragraph to tie your ideas and points together. There were also some minor spelling errors in your essay that need to be addressed. Im confident that next time, if you use this feedback, your writing will improve greatly. Keep practicing your writing, and your essays will become a lot clearer. Good work. Grade: 10/20

Claire, An excellent effort! Your essay shows that you have a good understanding of the film Big Fish, and the character of Edward Bloom. You made some fantastic points in your essay, and backed each point up with an example or quote from the film. Your introduction is strong, and prepares your reader for what they are about to read in your piece of work. You wrote some great topic sentences, and link back sentences to strengthen your argument, and your conclusion was strong, and finished your argument off well. Just watch out for some minor spelling errors, and unclear sentences. Reading your work out loud will help you to locate any of these sentences. Other than those small areas for improvement, this is a strong essay. Well done. Grade: 15/20

Natasha, Well done! I can clearly see that you have a good understanding of the events in the film Big Fish. Your essay is generally well structured, and you have made some excellent points throughout. You have used description well to describe events and character in the film, and most of your topic and link back sentences are strong, and succinct. Next time, reading your work out loud a few times, or simply proof-reading your work, will help you to identify the sentences that are a little unclear, as well as any spelling errors that may be present. Your introduction and conclusion are strong, but dont forget a strong ending sentence at the conclusion of each. Great work! Grade: 15/20

George, Well done! Your essay about travel being of more benefit than sitting in a classroom is very interesting. You raised some good points, and have a good idea about the general structure of an essay. Your topic sentences were strong, and you mostly provided some great link back sentences too. Your introduction and conclusion were well written. You just need to pay some more attention to the structure and length of some of your sentences, as they became a little unclear at times. The use of examples or quotes from some outside sources would have been beneficial to your essay. Overall, great work! Grade: 14/20

Kate, A great effort! Your essay shows that you have a good understanding of the film Big Fish, and the significance of the big fish character. You raised some excellent points in your essay, and your writing was generally clear, coherent and succinct. Your topic sentences were strong, and your link back sentences ended each paragraph well. Remember for next time, not to begin or end paragraphs with quotes. Begin and end each paragraph with a strong, defining sentence to engage your audience. You have used examples from the film efficiently to back up your arguments. Next time, reading through your work a few more times will help you to pick up any unclear sentences or minor spelling or grammatical errors. Well done! Grade: 16/20

Alexia, An outstanding effort! You clearly have a comprehensive understanding of the film Big Fish, and the character of Edward Bloom. Your essay raised several excellent points, and your writing is free from spelling of spelling and grammatical errors. Your introduction is strong, and provides your reader with a clear idea about the direction your essay will take. The body of your essay is well structured, and you have used examples from the film and quotes to back up each point you raised throughout. Your conclusion was clear, and to the point. Your conclusion clearly answered the essay question, and gave an insight into your own opinion about Edwards character. Next time, try to avoid using personal statements, such as you. Doing so makes the writing a little less persuasive, a nd less formal. Your sentence structure was generally clear and fluent, but just watch out for the beginning of some of your sentences. Try to avoid beginning sentences with words like because. Other than those small things to focus on next time, your essay was incredibly well written. Good work. Grade: 18/20

Chase, An excellent effort! Your essay shows that you have a good understanding of the film Big Fish. You raised some great points in your essay, and used quotes and examples from the film to back up each point you made. Your introduction is strong, and introduces your key arguments well. The body of your essay is well structured, and clearly written. You provided some excellent topic sentences to introduce your paragraphs, and some great link back sentences to conclude each paragraph. Your conclusion is also strong, and clearly answers the essay question, and gives the reader your opinion about the telling of tall tales in the film. You did use some repetition in your essay, but the points you made were adequate. Watch out for the length of some of your sentences, as a few of them were quite long. If you need to take a breath when reading a sentence, then it requires some punctuation. Next time, try to formalise your word choices a little bit more to strengthen your argument. Overall, great work! Grade: 17/20

Dion, An outstanding piece of writing! Your essay shows that you have a comprehensive knowledge and understanding of the film Big Fish and the presence of tall tales throughout the film. Your essay is appropriately structured, clear, coherent, and the points you made were succinct. You raised some excellent and unique points in your essay, and used quotes from the film well to back up each of these arguments. Apart from a few minor spelling errors, your sentences are well structured. You have provided excellent topic sentences, and fantastic link back sentences, making your piece of writing persuasive. The introduction of your essay is strong, and prepares the reader well for the points you are about to discuss in your essay. The body of your essay is well executed, and each paragraph leads on well to the next. Your conclusion is also strong, answers the question, and gives the reader a clear indication about your own opinions. Keep up the great work. Grade: 19/20 Nick G, Well done! Your essay is generally well structured, and clearly shows your opinion through the arguments and points you discussed throughout. You seem to have a good knowledge of the film Big Fish, and of the character Edward Bloom. Your link back sentences were excellent throughout your essay to conclude each paragraph. Your writing was mostly clear, but you need to work on the structure of some of your sentences, as many were unclear at times. You also need to make sure next time, to provide a topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce the points you are going to be discussing. Your introduction is getting there, but avoid using your supporting quotes within the introduction, as this simply is not necessary. Instead of basing your essay around the quotes, use the quotes to support the points you are attempting to argue. This will provide more clarity, and make your writing more persuasive. Good work overall! Grade: 13 / 20

Lachlan, A good effort! Your essay raised some good points, and you had a clear introduction, body and conclusion. You seem to have a good knowledge of the film. Next time, you need to work on the overall structure of your essay, to ensure that each paragraph includes: a topic sentence, to introduce the points you want to make; a supporting quote to strengthen your argument; an example from the film; and a link back sentence to conclude your paragraph. You also need to work on your spelling, grammar, punctuation and the structure of your sentences. Some of your sentences were almost the whole paragraph in length. Reading through your work a few times, or even out loud, will help you to identify any problem areas that need to be edited or reviewed. If you take this feedback into account next time, I am confident that your essay writing skills will improve greatly. You made a good first attempt at writing an essay. Grade: 7/20

Jake, Well done! Your essay shows that you have a good understanding of the film Big Fish. Your piece of writing is well structured, and includes all of the components that an essay requires. Your introduction is strong, and gives your reader the clear points you will be discussing throughout your essay. Just remember to include a strong sentence to conclude your introduction, to help engage your audience. The body of your essay is well structured, and you have appropriately used quotes and key events from the film to strengthen your arguments. Your topic sentences and link back sentences are clear, and well written. Your conclusion clearly answers the question, and gives the reader your opinion. Some of your sentences were a little unclear at times. Reading through your work out loud will help you to identify these sentences. Good work, overall. Grade: 16 / 20

Sam H, Great work! Your essay shows that you have a good understanding of the film Big Fish. You raised some excellent points in your essay, and used examples and quotes from the film well to help strengthen the arguments you made throughout. You used description well to persuade the reader and your topic sentences, and link back sentences are an asset to this piece of writing. Next time, try to read through your work a few times to pick up on any sentences that are unclear. Reading your work out loud will help considerably, as you will be able to identify small errors and inconsistencies. The clearer you can make your sentences, the more persuasive your arguments will be. Good work overall! Grade: 14/20

Josh, A good effort! Your essay shows that you have a good understanding of the film Big Fish. You raised some good points in your essay, and have included a clear introduction, body and conclusion. You used quotes well to help strengthen your arguments and points of discussion. Next time, you need to proof read your work a few more times to locate any unclear sentences. Many sentences were difficult to understand, as they were quite wordy and incomplete. Strengthening the structure of your sentences will allow your writing to be clearer, and consequently, more persuasive for your audience. You also overused the word so in your essay; making your writing less formal. You also need to provide a clear link back sentence at the end of each paragraph to tie your ideas together. Finally, avoid using statements such as: in conclusion, and I believe, or I think. Essays are formal pieces of writing that need to be written in third person. Using personal statements does not help to strengthen the arguments you are trying to make. If you take this feedback into account for the future, I am confident that your essay writing will improve. Grade: 10/20

Grace, Well done! Your essay is generally well structured, including a strong introduction, body and conclusion. You raised some goof points in your essay, but you did not use many examples or quotes from the film to help strengthen your argument. Providing a quote in each paragraph would have helped to make your writing a lot more persuasive. Remember also, to provide a link back sentence at the end of each paragraph, to tie together key ideas. Something else you need to work on is the structure of your sentences. Many of your sentences contained some strong information, but they were unclear to read, taking away the persuasiveness of your writing. Using your class time productively would make a massive difference to the quality of your work. Take the time to read your work out loud, or to simply proof read your work. You will be able to identify unclear sentences, spelling mistakes, and think of other points that you could make to strengthen your argument. If you use this feedback next time, I am positive it will make a huge difference. Good work. Grade: 13/20

Samantha, Great work! Your essay shows a good understanding of the film Big Fish. You raised some excellent points in your essay, and used quotes and examples from the film to back up these points effectively. Your introduction is strong, and tells the reader what you will be discussing throughout your essay. The body of your essay is generally well executed. You provided strong topic sentences, and link back sentences. Your conclusion was an asset to your essay, as you clearly answered the question and gave your own opinion appropriately. Next time, remember to read over your work a few more times. Doing so will help you to identify any sentences that lack clarity or direction. Some of your excellent arguments were overshadowed by wordy or incomplete sentences. Some of your sentences were also very long, making them difficult to read. Other than those small areas for improvement, you have written an excellent essay. Well done. Grade: 15/20

Sam Price, Good work! Your essay is clearly written, and well structured. Your introduction is strong, and tells the reader the points you will be arguing and discussing. The body of your essay is generally well executed. You appropriately provided quotes and examples to help strengthen the points you were trying to argue and discuss. Your conclusion is also well written, answers the question, and gives the reader your opinion about tall tales in the film Big Fish. Next time, you need to focus on the structure and length of your sentences. Some of your sentences were very long, and wordy. Improving this will help to formalise your writing, and consequently, make it more persuasive. Read your work out loud to locate these issues, as well as any minor spelling or grammatical errors that may be present. Well done overall. Grade: 14 / 20

Emily, An outstanding achievement! Your essay is well structured, clear, coherent and succinct. You clearly have a comprehensive understanding of the film Big Fish, and the characters in the film. Your introduction is strong, and to the point. It enables your reader to identify the points you will be discussing in your essay efficiently. Your paragraphs contain strong topic sentences to introduce your key points, and strong link back sentences to conclude and link your arguments together. You have used examples and quotes from the film well to help strengthen your arguments and discussions. Your writing is generally free from error, except for a few minor spelling errors. Well done. Grade: 18/20