Why is my infant so angry?

There are many books on parenting. You can read each one you come across but each child is genetically different and will behave differently. My child seems to have an anger problem. I am a single mom so when I come across things Im not sure about, I contact both grandmas for advice. When their advice was, Shell get over it and Your spoiling her, dont worry about It, I started research for some actual answers because my child wasnt getting over it. If she doesnt get her way, her tantrums start out from screaming, to throwing things I try to give her to console her. She will lock up her body and fall back on the floor from being so upset. When she gets really bad and wont let me hold her, she will sit against a wall and bang her head against it, shes ONE! My question is, why is my infant so angry?
The first source I came across was an article from Scientific American, Taming Baby Rage: Why are some kids so angry? I chose this article as a source because it gave a point of view from Richard Tremblay, a professor of pediatrics, psychiatry and psychology at the University of Montreal, who has spent more than two decades tracking 35,000 Canadian children (from age five months through their 20s) in search of the roots of physical aggression. In the article he says that violent behavior stems from a lack of social skills and that the peak of it is around 18 months. He also mentions that this conclusion proves his last theory wrong, that cartoons (violent media aka Tom and Jerry, Looney Tunes, etc.) were teaching violence at a very young age. He is doing further research on if this type of behavior stems from the womb (excessive stress, drinking, and smoking). This information was very helpful because it led me in a direction to my answer. I thought the problem was genetic but its actually because she hasnt developed enough social skills to express herself in an acceptable manner to our society yet. After reading this article, I searched for coping techniques for infants.

The next article I looked at was Anger Management for Kids and Parents adapted from The Aggressive Child by Luleen S. Anderson, Ph.D. This article was full of positive advice. I think most of it applied to toddlers more than infants; I can always apply them to my baby now so she can grow accustomed to them for later. The advice explained in the article was, deliberately ignore inappropriate behavior that can be tolerated, provide physical outlets and other alternatives, manipulate the surroundings, use closeness and touching, always be ready to show affection, ease tension through humor, appeal directly to the child, explain situations, use promises and rewards, say NO, build a positive self-image, use punishment cautiously, model appropriate behavior, and teach the child to communicate his/her feelings verbally. Reading some of these made me feel guilty because I am very good about giving my daughter physical attention and redirecting her attention, but I really need to work on more of these techniques. I need to manipulate her surroundings more and introduce her to the word no. The next snippet I read was Aggressive Behavior in Toddlers, which was an excerpt from the book, Zero to Three by Rebecca Parlakian and Claire Lerner. This article was helpful because it explained a childs behavior from the ages zero to thirty six months. One of the comments that stuck out to me was to not get angry or let your feelings get hurt because of your childs actions. A baby is just fully becoming aware of his/her senses around 18 months and just then wants to become semi-independent from their parents. A baby never fully intends harm, but is just expressing him/her in the limited ways they know how. The article suggested to observe and learn what upsets your child and to think of constructive ways to avoid the behavior. There is no reason to ever be mean to a child. The parent is the teacher through and through. A child is a reflection

of the values and behavior taught and tolerated by the parent, which is why it is so important to be understanding and patient when teaching your child coping techniques.
One of the issues I have is that Im not very consistent. I end up always giving in and never saying no, partly because I feel guilty for being her only parent. For her own good, Ill have to get over that feeling so that shell know to expect consistency from me instead of always getting her way. The next article was suggested from a friend, Understanding Childrens Emotions: The Importance of Curiosity and Interest by Kenneth Barish, Ph.D, published by the Huffington Post. This article threw a lot of information at me. It talked about everything from how curious toddlers are and how important it is to answer their questions (even though they will always have abundance) to Mr. Rogers! It was very informative and listed a lot of key points so Ill just mention the ones that stood out to me. I didnt fully understand how curious toddlers were until I went to my nieces birthday. She and all of her little friends asked so many questions! In the article, it explains how from the ages of two to five, a childs interest is piqued because they are learning things for the very first time. Although it seems like youll be berated by questions, it is always important to be interested in what your child is saying and to never brush them off. By doing this, you are earning your childs respect. They should always be able to come to mommy for answers and be confident that if mommy doesnt know, that shell care enough to find out the answer. The article mentioned how recently a video had circulated about Mr. Rogers on Fox News. It said that Mr. Rogers ruined a generation of children because his show encouraged children to feel special about themselves for no special reason. In her important book, Raising America, a history of expert advice offered to parents over the course of the 20th century, Ann Hulbert finds in every generation two competing traditions of child rearing. Advocates of a parent-centered philosophy believe, especially, in the importance of a child's obedience to adult authority. In this view, good relationships (and good feelings) follow from good behavior.

Advocates of a child-centered philosophy believe otherwise -- that good behavior follows from good feelings. When I read this, I thought to myself, Ive always thought this. My daughters grandparents think that she should model good behavior and happiness will follow while I want to exemplify good feelings and morals in her and good behavior will naturally fall in place. This really hit home with me and a piece of the puzzle fell into place. Over the weekend, I practiced one piece of advice from some of the research Ive read. I kept a consistent schedule all weekend, including bath time, story time, snacks, naps, and bedtime. She knew what to expect and a lot of her usual fits were avoided. Im starting to realize that though grandparents have good intentions, it is my responsibility to decide whats best for my child. Through research and asking other parents, I can make educated decisions regarding my childs well being and coping with her issues.