Dear Dr. Hartman, This piece was also better with open ended structure.

Although, I didnt like doing this one as much as the multimodal simply because of my topic but went ahead and continued anyways. Once I got started it flowed. So I would say for information I would give myself a Great job! because I have information but not many sources as well as citation conflicts. For Process I would give myself a Like, Whoa! because I feel I have sufficient process work although not much changed between my two drafts. For rhetorical knowledge I would consider it a Great Job! because I do know what the purpose is and that I am informing my audience. And lastly, for knowledge of conventions, I would also give myself a Great Job! because I know I am always going to have grammar issues.
Rubric for Researched Position Piece
Ratings for your work Like, Whoa! You need to teach a class on this! Great job! You really hit all the key elements! Great start! Youve got some good stuff going. Looking forward to seeing you develop this more! Draft provides somewhat clear and relevant information given the topics, audience, and purpose; At least 1 source included and citation attempted but may not be accurate or MLA; Writer may have had trouble making decisions on what to include and how Some evidence of process work; Attempts at idea development, but ideas are lacking in some way; Little evidence of revision is present (ex. Only 1 draft submitted) Draft demonstrates some understanding of audience, purpose, but researched position may not be clear; sources may dominate or may not be used effectively HmmmYou did turn something ingreat! Seems like youre struggling to understand some key concepts and/or to fully participate Draft lacks clear and relevant information from sources. Sources used are cited but may not be accurate or MLA*; Writer either did not include these or used ineffective information given the topic, audience, and purpose

INFORMATION As a working draft, piece shows: *Failure to attempt to cite sources when paraphrasing or summarizing, or to use quotations, etc. will result in honor code violation PROCESS As a working draft, piece shows:

Draft provides exceptionally clear, relevant, accurate, and effective information given the topics, audience, and purpose; At least 2 sources included and cited accurately using MLA

Draft provides clear and relevant information given the topics, audience, and purpose; At least 2 sources included and cited accurately using MLA

Process work provides exceptional evidence of progress from first drafts/pieces, highlighted/noted changes from original piece in process work and/or reflective letter Draft demonstrates exceptional understanding of audience, purpose, and taking a researched position; sources are effectively balanced with writers personal opinion and voice

Process work is evident and present; Obvious progress from first drafts/pieces, may have highlighted/noted changes somewhat in process work or reflective letter Draft demonstrates good understanding of audience, purpose, and taking a researched position; sources are somewhat balanced with writers personal opinion and voice, but sources may dominate or sources may not be used effectively

Participation in process work, development of ideas, and/or evidence of revision is incomplete or insufficient

RHETORICAL KNOWLEDGE As a working draft, piece shows:

This aspect of the piece is incomplete/ insufficient. Work shows little to no evidence of rhetorical knowledge

KNOWLEDGE OF CONVENTIONS As a working draft, piece shows:

Draft is easy to read, information provided is easy to understand, sources are cited correctly, no spelling errors, misused or incorrect words, etc.

Draft is easy to read, information provided is generally easy to understand, sources are cited, few to no spelling errors, misused or incorrect words, etc.

Draft might be difficult to read, information provided might be difficult to understand, sources are cited but not properly, a few to several spelling errors, misused or incorrect words, etc.

Glaring issues/errors in grammar, capitalization, punctuation, spelling, and other conventions; Piece is difficult to read; Little to no attention has been given to conventions of writing

My multimodal site:

https://www.smore.com/app/pages/preview/xvx9 Day book Pages:

Draft 1: Ive always had an interest in the difference between males and females in obesity. For some reason, I have had this image that more women are obese than men until I stumbled upon a fact on weightwatchers.com According to their studies/research, there is only a .3% difference in obese women and men. Meaning across America there are 35.8% of women obese and 35.5% of men obese. (Citation) To me it has always made more sense that women would be the more obese of the two, even in this day and age. Think back to cave people days. The cavemen would go out and hunt while the mothers/women would stay behind in the cave, collecting nearby berries/plants and carrying for the children. Naturally, the male figure would be more slender and muscular from hunting and simply from testosterone in males. The women would naturally need more body fat to be able to continue to feed the baby/children. Also, if there was famine or if the male figure did not return she would need to survive long enough to find another group or find food for herself. This is my logical way of explaining why females would be larger than males. This is supported through hundreds of years of paintings of nude women who were obese. In some days, this was considered a good thing because it meant you had access to food but in days like today, its not the ideal. There is also support that certain hormones impact obesity. Insulin and lipase have been found to influence obesity. Hormone sensitive lipase (HSL) promoter (LIPE-60 C > G) polymorphism has been found to be involved in hepatic steatosis, obesity, diabetes and dyslipidemia. (cite)

Draft 2: I have always had an interest in the difference between males and females on the topic of obesity. For some reason, I have had this image that more women are obese than men until I stumbled upon a fact on weightwatchers.com According to their studies/research, there is only a .3% difference in obese women and men. Meaning across America there are 35.8% of women obese and 35.5% of men obese. To me it has always made more sense that women would be the more obese of the two, even in this day and age. Think back to cave people days. The cavemen would go out and hunt while the mothers/women would stay behind in the cave, collecting nearby berries/plants and carrying for the children. Naturally, the male figure would be more slender and muscular from hunting and simply from testosterone in males. The women would naturally need more body fat to be able to continue to feed the baby/children. Also, if there was famine or if the male figure did not return she would need to survive long enough to find another group or find food for herself. This is my logical way of explaining why females would be larger than males. This is supported through hundreds of years of paintings of nude women who were obese. In some days, this was considered a good thing because it meant you had access to food but in days like today, its not the ideal. There is also support that certain hormones impact obesity. Insulin and lipase have been found to influence obesity. Hormone sensitive lipase (HSL) promoter (LIPE-60 C > G) polymorphism has been found to be involved in hepatic steatosis, obesity, diabetes and dyslipidemia. (Risk Interaction..) These are just few of many reasons that have sparked my interest in the difference in men and women on the topic of obesity. Simple logic, and some research aided to help me conclude in my ideals that women will always be slightly if not significantly more obese than men.

Works Cited: Risk Interaction of obesity, insulin resistance and hormone-sensitive lipase promoter polymorphisms in the development of fatty liver. BMC Medical Genetics. Web. Weight Watchers Research Department. Gender Differences in the Health Risks of Obesity. Weight Watchers. Web.

For this piece to develop more I should do more research and incorporate more opinion. I also think that it would help if I stopped being so factual and have more feeling in it. I am going to change it to a semi factual, semi fictional piece to make it more interesting. Essentially I want to show how hormones impact obesity between women and me and how we can change that or how we can change our lifestyles to halt this obesity epidemic. I think my old piece was so boring was because I wasnt interested in it and I didnt care to put in the time it takes to complete it.