Perez 1 David Perez John Kubler English 114A 21 October 2013 Love Does Exist In todays modern society,

the idea of a strong, romantic, long lasting relationship has changed dramatically. Back then, a relationship was something that involved business, a simple exchange of goods for the brides hand, or simply love. Most of those ideas in todays society are probably not even in the minds of the couples we have today. Most of our influences usually come from the things we see on television or popular films. The biggest question with todays modern relationships is, what makes it strong long lasting relationship? There are so many opinions when it comes to answering those questions. The opinions vary from person to person, couple to couple. The idea of what is love is brought up. Loyalty is always a big one, and the whos more dominant in the relationship comes up. Based on personal experiences, videos, articles, and interviews, my perception of what makes a modern relationship work in todays society has changed. Today when we look around and see couples, we see all kinds of them. We can see a young couple having fun together, you see old couples smiling at each other enjoying the rest of their remaining life together, and you see couples of the same sex. Something we see in all these couples is happiness. A sight like that is something quite rare, but what makes these couples have a strong long lasting relationship? As a student, I was assigned the task to talk to couples and ask them what makes their relationship work. Out of the many opinions I received, I found one real couple who decided to share with me their wisdom. This couple told me, one has to feel happy

Perez 2 with each other and strive to give and receive love for each other. To me that sounded too general, in a way basic, but its what worked for them, surprising me. People are constantly contemplating the idea of: What is love? By definition, according to Merriam Webster, Love is: A feeling of strong or constant affection for a person, [an] attraction that includes sexual desire and so on. The reality is that nobody really knows what love is. Love is something subjective and its definition varies from person to person, couple to couple. In my opinion, as corny as it may sound, love is a feeling a couple share where affection is included. Its something that connects us and inspires us to do good things for each other. A bond that makes an individual extremely happy. There are people out there who strongly disagree with the idea of love. Some say love is not real but an illusion. Research suggests that love in fact is real, something biological. According to PBS News Hour, Love [is] a biochemical chain of events. Its something that happens in our minds that creates a bond between two people. For people to say that love doesnt exist, science is out there to prove them wrong. My opinion is that these people havent experienced any kind of love, maybe they are not yet experienced, or according to Ellen McGrath, they are depressed. The less love you have, the more depression you are likely to experience. The more depressed you are, the more likely you are to have biased/ negative opinions towards love. These people need to go out into the world and search for a potential partnership with someone, create a special bond and gain experience. Finding ones love is a big thing in todays modern society. Most of us get our ideas of love from popular culture (McGrath). Whether were reading a really good book or watching a movie that just came out in the theaters. Not that many relationships are built like the old times, when people would trade off their daughters for marriage in order to obtain goods, or for a certain business transaction. The problem with one finding someones true love is that not that many

Perez 3 people discover what love is. People mistake it with finding more than one person, but to me, thats complicating. One great example of how complicating it can get for people usually dont keep that personally is from the film, Crazy Stupid Love, where the character Jacob plays around getting girls he actually wants until he finds it hard to keep that habit because he meets the girl he wants to love. My point with that example is that people who date more than one person cant find their love with multiple people. There will always be someone, just one person, who stands out more. Once you find that person, you have a strong probability of having a strong long lasting relationship. People say that there can be problems between these strong long lasting relationships. People say that humans have this basic instinct of exploring or gaining experience with other relationships. Doing so, they often drift away from the relation that they are in destroying the relationship they originally began. That is why the concept of maintaining such a relationship is rare. Some of the most extreme, other than cheating or not staying loyal cases is when these relationships transform to polyamorous relationships. People like, Emanuella Grinberg and his article suggest that even these kinds of relationships work in todays modern society. In his article, he quotes people in polyamourous relationships that say: "Polyamory is the nonpossessive, honest, responsible and ethical philosophy and practice of loving multiple people simultaneously and its great for the people that practice it. In my opinion I say, the most successful way to maintain a strong healthy, long lasting relationship is with one person, mostly because there is really one person one can truly loves. I do agree that these kind of relationships can exist, but they are not the easiest. They are too complicated and there is never any balance in the relationship. They are not healthy. One great example supporting my opinion comes from an Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality. This journal tells us about polyamorous relationship challenges. Some challenges are when, Coping with counterbalancing forces in the emotional realm Jealousy (Davison). Just

Perez 4 with that, one can tell that relationships with more than one lover cant really function. There are way too many complications within those relationships. A relationship with those kind of problems are just not going to survive. They are not the secret to maintaining a strong, long lasting relationship. Some people may say that having a strong, long lasting relationship is mostly based on complete equality. No one is greater than the other, and in my opinion, thats correct. From personal experiences, I can say that failed relationships were mostly driven by one loving the person more than the other. Such equality does exist. When interviewing the couple I mentioned earlier, I noted that there was equality between the couple. One thing the couple said was, a couple shouldnt expect more from the other, its just love. Yes, there can be differences in strength or economic wise, but if one pays attention to that, then the relationship goes bad. There really shouldnt be any competition towards dominance. One great example of dominance not afflicting the relationship where equality was established, despite the fact that there was differences was with the relationship Jacob and Hannah. This couple really had a connection going. They were happy with each other. They were willing to do what it takes to continue being together. Yes, they did have differences, especially with Jacob being a womanizer and Hannah not being experienced at all, but they didnt care. To each other, they were equal. No past was conflicting with their relationship. They knew each other, they respected each other, and most importantly, they loved each other. Power dynamics are never a problem in todays modern couple. The image of the modern couple can be quite contradicting or probably confusing for multiple people. The truth is that its one of the most beautiful unions we can have in todays time. A modern relationship now a days can be a rare sight, but its completely possible for them to be maintained. Love is what keeps these relationships strong and long lasting. There may be people who completely disagree, but the fact of the matter is that love does exist and these relationships

Perez 5 are real. None of these kinds of couples compete with one another dominance, they see equality with one another, there is no competition with one another, no jealousy is included and most importantly, they know who they love. As simple as this can be, these tactics are what keeps a strong, long lasting relationship going.

Perez 6 Works Cited Crazy, Stupid, Love. Dir. Glenn Ficarra and John Requa. Perf. Steve Carell, Ryan Gosling, Julianne Moore, and Emma Stone. Warner Brothers, 2011. Film. Conley, Terri D., et al. A Critical Examination of Popular Assumptions about the Benefits and Outcomes of Monogamous Relationships. Personality and Social Psychology Review 17.2 (Nov. 2012): 124-41. Sage. Web. Sun. 24 Nov. 2013. Cristine Kenedy, Claus Offerson. Personal Interview. Ethnography. 22 Sep. 2013 Davidson, Joy. Working with Polyamorous Clients in the Clinical Setting. EJHS.org. Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality, 5, 16 Apr. 2002. Web. Sun. 24 Nov. 2013. Grinberg, Emanuella, and Jamie Gumbrecht. "Polyamory: When Three Isn't a Crowd." CNN. Cable News Network, 01 Jan. 1970. Web. 24 Nov. 2013. Jerry Maguire. Dir. Cameron Crowe. Perf. Tom Cruise, Renee Zellweger, Cuba Gooding Jr., and Kelly Preston. TriStar, 1996. Film. McGrath, Ellen. "The Power of Love." Psychology Today. Susse Publishers, LLC, 1 Dec. 2002. Web. 23 Nov. 2013. Winerman, Lea. "Love Is a Chemical Reaction, Scientists Find." (n.d.): n. pag. PBS NEWS HOUR. PBS, 13 Feb. 2009. Web. 24 Nov. 2013.