Persuasive Essay

by Morni Shah

WORD COUNT CHARACTER COUNT

1471 7802

TIME SUBMITTED PAPER ID

20-NOV-2013 04:18PM 375498650

good start on thesis; adding danger would make a better "fit" for your paper.

No, it shows that athletes can have different health issues.

In a persuasive essay, include only illustrations necessary to making your case more persuasive.

Cite these "mosts"

This is more of an informational report than a persuasive essay. If you decide to revise it, you'll need to first revise your thesis so that it argues for a particular position. What do you want readers to do or believe after reading this essay?

Persuasive Essay
GRADEMARK REPORT FINAL GRADE GENERAL COMMENTS

82
PAGE 1

Instructor

/100

QM

Wordy

Wordy: If you use too many words to describe a relatively minor point, your paper may seem wordy. In order to be as concise as possible, trim your sentences down and use longer, more meaningful words. Try to use fewer two- and three-letter words, passive constructions, and weak verbs such as "seem" and "appear."

PAGE 2

Text Comment.
QM

good start on thesis; adding danger would make a better "fit" for your paper.

S/V Agreement Subject-verb agreement:

Subjects and verbs should match in number and person. Singular subjects require singular verbs; plural subjects require plural verbs.

QM

Pro

Check all your pronouns. If it's not obvious to whom they refer, make it obvious by using specific noun again.

QM

WC

Word choice error: Sometimes choosing the correct word to express exactly what you have to say is very difficult to do. Word choice errors can be the result of not paying attention to the word or trying too hard to come up with a fancier word when a simple one is appropriate. A thesaurus can be a handy tool when you're trying to find a word that's similar to, but more accurate than, the one you're looking up. However, it can often introduce more problems if you use a word thinking it has exactly the same meaning.

QM

Citation Needed

Cite Source: Please use the link below to find links to information regarding specific citation styles: http://www.plagiarism.org/plag_article_citation_styles.html Additional Comment You need attributions for every sentence that's not "common knowledge."

Correct these and other sentences the way we did in class. QM

WC

Word choice error: Sometimes choosing the correct word to express exactly what you have to say is very difficult to do. Word choice errors can be the result of not paying attention to the word or trying too hard to come up with a fancier word when a simple one is appropriate. A thesaurus can be a handy tool when you're trying to find a word that's similar to, but more accurate than, the one you're looking up. However, it can often introduce more problems if you use a word thinking it has exactly the same meaning. Additional Comment lysis is bursting, or breaking a hole in the cell membrane.

PAGE 3

QM

Needs topic

Needs topic sentence: A well-organized paragraph supports or develops a central idea. The topic sentence should explain the thesis of the paragraph and unify the content of the rest of the paragraph. Additional Comment This P, for example, needs a topic sentence that indicates you'll be defining the signs and symptoms of EAH, not how likely it is.

QM

Run-on

Run-on sentence: The sentence contains two or more independent clauses. Separate the clauses with a period or semicolon.

Text Comment.
PAGE 4

No, it shows that athletes can have different health issues.

Text Comment.
more persuasive.
PAGE 5

In a persuasive essay, include only illustrations necessary to making your case

Text Comment. Text Comment.

Cite these "mosts"

This is more of an informational report than a persuasive essay. If you decide to revise it, you'll need to first revise your thesis so that it argues for a particular position. What do you want readers to do or believe after reading this essay?
PAGE 6

RUBRIC: PERSUASIVE ESSAY RUBRIC

CONTENT: Content: Thesis

ABSENT OR BELOW Thesis is unidentifiable or does not respond the prompt. BASIC DEVELOPING PROFICIENT ADVANCED

Developing

Thesis fits the prompt, is identifiable but vague, too broad, or unrelated to the essay. Thesis fits the prompt, is clear and expresses an arguable, specific point of view. Thesis fits the prompt, is clear, and expresses a specific, legitimately arguable, insightful, point of view. Proficient

CONTENT: Content: Connection to thesis

ABSENT OR BELOW Essay has no coherent focal point. BASIC DEVELOPING PROFICIENT ADVANCED

Essay is not consistently or adequately linked to the thesis. Essay maintains consistent and adequate connection to the thesis. Essay maintains a connection to thesis with style. Proficient

STYLE: Tone
ABSENT OR BELOW Tone usually suggests an absence of audience awareness. BASIC DEVELOPING

Tone is often inconsistent or suggests misreading of the blog's broad but academic audience. Usually employs appropriate tone and language for blog's broad but academic audience. Employs sophisticated tone and language for blog's broad but academic audience. Developing

PROFICIENT ADVANCED

STYLE: Sentence-level Literacy

ABSENT OR BELOW Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors impede readability. BASIC DEVELOPING

Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors impede readability or otherwise distract from meaning. Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors are few and do not distract from meaning.

PROFICIENT

ADVANCED

Outstanding control of language, including effective diction and sentence variety. Developing

STYLE: Citations
ABSENT OR BELOW Incorrect or omitted citations. BASIC DEVELOPING PROFICIENT ADVANCED

Generally uses citations correctly. Generally uses citations correctly. Correctly uses appropriate citations. Proficient

ARGUMENTATION Conceptualization
ABSENT OR BELOW Ideas not explained. BASIC DEVELOPING PROFICIENT ADVANCED

Typically explains concepts. Develops concepts coherently. Develops concepts with sophistication and creativity. Developing

ARGUMENTATION Support
ABSENT OR BELOW Inadequate, inappropriate, or irrelevant evidence. BASIC DEVELOPING PROFICIENT ADVANCED

Over uses or under-analyzes evidence. Supports the thesis and paragraph claims with credible, relevant, analyzed evidence. Supports the thesis and paragraph claims with well-selected and thoroughly, insightfully analyzed evidence. Developing

ARGUMENTATION Organization
ABSENT OR BELOW Unorganized: no clear relationship between paragraphs or sentences. BASIC DEVELOPING

Demonstrates some signs of organization, but occassionally includes abrupt or illugical shifts and ineffective sequence of ideas. Effectively ordered paragraphs are generally linked with useful transitions. Sentences

PROFICIENT

typically flow logically.

ADVANCED

Effectively ordered paragraphs are generally linked with useful transitions. Sentences flow logically to persuade reader.