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Assessment Grade: 0 of 0

Assessment form
Aspect 1 Look closely at the introduction. What is the topic? What is the question or problem the author is examining? How might the writer further revise their issue or better demonstrate why this issue is problematic or significant? Comment The topic of the essay is a bit unclear that it is about the effects of early marijuana use. The audience is not aware of what the topic is until the end of the introduction. It would make the introduction much stronger if you started with introducing the topic, giving a background of the topic, who the audience is and the how it is effecting them. The first three sentences of the introduction need to be revised in order to demonstrate the issue. Aspect 2 What is the authors claim? What is their reasoning? How might the writer make the enthymeme stronger? Comment The authors claim is that early marijuana use may lead to future health problems by effecting the brain in a harmful way. Their reasoning includes that pre-teens and teenagers brains are still developing and therefore early marijuana use may become very dangerous. The enthymeme that is used is a run on sentence: "This is an important issue to be concerned about because starting usage of marijuana at an early age will lead to future health problems because marijuana has many negative effects". The writer may make the enthymeme stronger by changing this sentence to " Early marijuana use may be an important issue because it will lead to future health problems and many negative side effects for adolescents". Aspect 3 Where does the writer make clear how the proposal fixes the problem or addresses the need outlined? How might the proposal more fully be defined to meet this need?

Comment The writer enables the audience to view the proposal half way through the essay by listing the harmful side effects. The proposal addresses the issue because the writer lists the benefits, side effects and the solution for this problem. The proposal may be more defined to meet the need if the writer adds an example from a scholarly article. Aspect 4 Is this proposal feasible? Where does the write demonstrate its feasiblity? How might the proposal be made more feasible?

Comment The proposal is feasible. It may be strengthened if the writer provides a specific study for the past and how it relates to the future. Aspect 5 Are there topic sentences? Which parts of the paper seem out of place? Where do points need to be more clearly defined?

Comment The topic sentences are written well. Each topic sentence provides information for what is going to be further discussed. Aspect 6 Does the writer provide concrete evidence to support their claims? Where is further evidence needed? Comment The writer provides concrete evidence to support the claims by listing the benefits and the dangerous side effects when using marijuana at an early age. Aspect 7 Does the author have a clear audience in mind? How might they better address the possible objections or concerns of this audience?

Comment The author has a clear audience in mind. The essays audience includes pre-teens, teenagers and most importantly adults and educators. The writer may address the concerns more by letting health educators know how they can help this issue towards the conclusion of the essay. Aspect 8 How well does the writer summarize, paraphrase, or cite their sources? How might sources be better integrated into the authors writing? Are in-text citations accurate?

Comment The writer summarizes and paraphrases their sources well. Some of the in-text citations needs to be changed. It would make the essay stronger if the writer added more sources concerning the side effects and examples from different studies. Aspect 9 How easy is it to follow the writers ideas? Do grammatical problems get in the way? What grammatical areas seem to be the biggest concern? Comment It is easy to follow the writer's idea. It would help the audience become more intrigued if the first sentence in the introduction is rewritten. There are some grammatical problems that get in the way. The biggest concert with grammar is the wording of the sentences. Some of the run-on sentences need to be rewritten. Assessment Grade: 0 of 0

Assessment form
Aspect 1 Look closely at the introduction. What is the topic? What is the question or problem the author is examining? How might the writer further revise their issue or better demonstrate why this issue is problematic or significant? Comment The topic of the essay and the problem of concern is the abuse of marijuana by preteens and adolescent teenagers. The author does an excellent job of describing why the problem is significant to not only the health science field, but also to the current generation being most affected by the drug. Aspect 2 What is the authors claim? What is their reasoning? How might the writer make the enthymeme stronger? Comment The authors claim revolves around the negative affects displayed by using marijuana at a young age and the negative side affects associated. The enthymeme can be made stronger by more specifically describing a policy or act that is harmful or makes marijuana more accessible to teenagers in our day and age, and the reasoning for wanting to ban the policy and/or act. Aspect 3 Where does the writer make clear how the proposal fixes the problem or addresses the need outlined? How might the proposal more fully be defined to meet this need?

Comment The proposal describes how to fix the problem in paragraph seven. I would recommend reducing the amount of background and side effects of marijuana and provide more insight on a certain policy that needs to be changed and build off of that. Perhaps describe other prevention methods of intake of marijuana and how schools can impact the adolescents drug abuse and help reduce it.

Aspect 4 Is this proposal feasible? Where does the write demonstrate its feasiblity? How might the proposal be made more feasible?

Comment The proposal appears to be feasible, but the proposal does not specify if all dispensaries across California should be shut down, or nationally shut down. The proposal could use some more insight of specifics to further address a policy to be changed and how to change the policy. Perhaps more strict regulations need to be put on the dispensaries to reduce accessibility. This part of the proposal is unclear to the reader. Aspect 5 Are there topic sentences? Which parts of the paper seem out of place? Where do points need to be more clearly defined?

Comment The structure of the essay is very smooth. The topic sentences are very clear in setting the tone for the evidence and information that will be further defined and supported with evidence. No parts of the paper seem to be out of place. Aspect 6 Does the writer provide concrete evidence to support their claims? Where is further evidence needed? Comment

The author provides excellent, concrete evidence that describes side effects, as well as describes both sides of the argument regarding marijuana: the side that actually requires the drug for medicinal use, and the side that abuses it for pleasure and euphoria. Aspect 7 Does the author have a clear audience in mind? How might they better address the possible objections or concerns of this audience?

Comment The author does have an audience in mind, which she clearly states is preteens and adolescents. However, think to better address the concerns for this audience, I think less background information can be used, and more information regarding the long term side effects should be portrayed; such as loss of friends, not being able to get a job when getting a drug test, and etc. this will allow the adolescents to better relate and understand the negative consequences. Aspect 8 How well does the writer summarize, paraphrase, or cite their sources? How might sources be better integrated into the authors writing? Are in-text citations accurate?

Comment The author did a very good job summarizing and paraphrasing sources used. She also integrated sources adequately and sufficiently to better depict information and facts regarding the drug. In-text citations were provided, as well. Aspect 9 How easy is it to follow the writers ideas? Do grammatical problems get in the way? What grammatical areas seem to be the biggest concern? Comment To my concern there were no grammatical problems to make note of in the essay and it was not hard to follow ideas, either. Great job in this department.