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Why men lie

And the women cry?

Allan & Barbara Pease

C Allan and Barbara Pease, 2003

translation Jorgesen Pedro Junior

preparation of original Regina da Veiga Pereira

Review José Tedin Pinto Sergio Soares Bellinello

cover and illustrations Mattievich Silvana

graphic design and editing of kernels Marcia Raed

RR Donnelley Latin America - Premedia / Dip
Cromosete Gráfica e Editora Ltda

National Union of EDITORS OF BOOKS
P375P Pease, Allan Why men lie and women cry? /
Allan and Barbara Pease; translation of Peter Jorgensen Junior.
- Rio de Janeiro: Sextante, 2003.

Translation: Why men lie and women cry ISBN 85-7542-063-1

1. Man-woman relations. 2. Sex - Differences (Psychology). 3. Sexual role.

r. Pease, Barbara. LI. Title.

All rights reserved by

Volunteers of the Nation Address, 45 - Gr 1404 - Botafogo 22270-000 - Rio de Janeiro -
Te!.: (21) 2286-9944 - Fax: (21) 2286-9244 Customer: 0800-22-6306
03-0645. CDD 306.7 CDU 392.6



Chapter 1
The cantankerousness
When a person does not stop complaining

Chapter 2

Chapter 3
Why women cry?
The dangers of emotional blackmail

Chapter 4
THE SYSTEM OF ULTRA-SECRET SCORE ruin of women as a man of the week

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8
"You think I am FAT CLOTHES WITH THIS? Why men lie?
Chapter 9
How do you make people work?

Chapter 10
WHAT DOES THE EYES OF MEN skip the power of female sexual attraction

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13
When the hunter Hang The ARC The retirement



Born naked, wet and hungry.

Then things get worse.
Chinese Proverb

Why do men lie? Why they think they must always be the reason? Why avoid it
undertakes? And women, why cry to get what they want? Why insist on a subject to
death? Why not take the sexual initiative more often?
In the twentieth century and one, the disagreements and conflicts between the sexes are
still so present in our lives as the first time that Adam and Eve falling out. In three
decades of studies and research on the differences between men and women - analyzing
miles of film and recordings, writing books, giving interviews on TV, sharing
information at conferences - thousands of times we were asked to rate certain behaviors
of men and women. The car-tas, phone calls and emails came from people perplexed by
the behavior of the opposite sex, and frustrated by not knowing deal with the situation. So
decided to write Why Men Lie and Women cry? Catalog the forty most frequently asked
questions from readers around the world demand-and we answer them by using, in
addition to our experience, research, surveys, scientific studies and our current sense.
From there, we developed practical solutions to help you tune the right channel in
communication with the opposite sex. Why Men Lie and Women cry? attempts to answer
the questions that are hammering the head of women to one in the morning, of the genus:
"Why men devour the other women with the eyes?" and "Why are they all the time
saying what I do and I think". It also seeks to elucidate the problems which the man is
beat-to ten in the morning of Sunday, when out of bed without getting themselves or their
partners speak with them. Of them also look at questions such as: "Why women do not go
to the chase", "Why do women complain all the time?", "Why do I have to collect half of
my floor to ten hours of a Sunday morning ".

Women worry about the future to find a husband.

The men never worry about the future until they find a wife.

Today, science can explain why women talk so much, that like to "play to pick mature
green", that want to get to know all details about the people around you and that rarely
take the initiative to do sex. Today we know the evolutionary and biological reasons that
explain why men can only do one thing at a time, that hate to go shopping, why not stop
the car to ask for guidance, for they have habits and mannerisms that make women so
angry and they do not know almost nothing of the life of your friends, even after
spending a weekend fishing in the entire company.
Why Men Lie and Women cry? draws attention to things that are beyond obvious to most
people. You may have noticed that many women seem to have a biological need to buy
decorative pillows and change the storage of furniture for men stumble when they arrive
at home at dawn. And as few of them understand the thrill of seeing and reviewing the
replay of a move, it is unlikely that a man understands that the discovery of a brand of
clothing in a counter settlement is one of the most extraordinary things that can happen to
a woman.

Why are things so difficult for men and women?

Today, be a man became an arduous task. Since, in the 1960s, the feminists have been
given more say and more successes, the suicide rate among women fell by more than
34%, while among men increased by 16%. Still, the focus of the discussion is still the
cross that women in this car-water life.
In the last quarter of the twentieth century, as women gain more and more freedoms,
often considering the man as the enemy to be defeated, the relationships and the families
began to live a great tension. Women and men were angry, bewildered and confused.
During general rations, the roles were clearly defined. The man was the head of the
family and the primary responsibility for its upkeep; his word was law and their areas of
decision were clear, he was the protector and provider. The woman was mother, lady-of-
home, secretary, teacher or social worker. The man knew what were their responsibilities
and the wife knew her. Life seemed simple.
Suddenly, everything began to change. Serials and the TV business started to show the
men as incompetent idiots in front of women superior, smarter and more fans of the cause
of equality. The problem is that women seemed to know what and where they were
going, as many men feel left behind.

If a woman slapped a man in public,

everyone assumes that it is that is wrong.

Men often do not seem to understand the rules of the game. A woman who protest against
inequality was the object of sympathy, while a man who did the same was accused of
enemy women. The number of copy-of disparaging about men grows every day. Just
thinking of you receiving an e-mail. See the latest walks that circulated among women
and that most men considered extremely demoralizing and threatening:

What is the definition of a man?

A support for a penis.

You can not deny that this kind of thing that most men perceive as open hostility
contributes largely to the depressed state that seems to be slaughtered on a whole
generation. The rate of suicides among young men and old is now the largest in history,
with the Japanese heading the list. The men are insecure about their own identity and they
lack examples to be followed.
But things are too difficult for women. Feminism began calling attention to inequalities
between genders and promising free women from the shackles that had imprisoned the
stove. Today, about 50% of women working in the western world - even when they want.
In Britain, one in five households is headed by a woman alone, against one in fifty men
headed by the same situation. In general, these women play the roles of mother, father
and provider. They now suffer from ulcers, heart disease and other diseases related to
stress, just as always happened with men.

It is estimated that bulimia affects 4 to 5% of the university, only 7 in 300 students.

It is estimated that 25% of all women in the western world will be standing in the single
year 2020. It is an unnatural situation, in complete disagreement with our basic human
needs and biological. Women of today are superatarefadas, is often infuriate and are
getting increasingly lonely. The men have the feeling that women want what they think
and behave like them. We are all very confusing. This book provides a map to help them
move through this maze which transformed the relationship and identify the slippery
slopes, the treacherous curves and dead ends.

Why men and women have so many problems?

The woman developed as defender of the dam and offspring. As a result, the female brain
is programmed to nurture, educate and provide love and affection of people's lives. Man
evolved with a completely different program - hunting, fighting, protecting, providing
material and solve problems. It is, therefore, that the brains of men and women have been
programmed for different functions and priorities. Studies offered by new techniques of
magnetic resonance imaging of the brain confirms this fact.
Most books on human relations is written by women and over 80% of its audience is
composed of women. Generally, the theme of these books are the men, their mistakes and
what to do to improve them. Most marriage counselors and therapists are also women.
This we do conclude that women pay more attention to relationships than men. And it is
true in many ways. Take care of relationships is not a natural function of the male psyche,
its way of thinking and their scale of priorities. Consequently, men are working or not or
a little, or give the quick relationships because think of how women think and act very
complicated. Sometimes the thing is so difficult that it is best to go right to not be seen as
a failure. But the truth is that both men and women want good relationships, healthy and
rewarding. Only men and women assume that one day will appear a perfect relationship,
without the need for any special preparation or study. Women often make the mistake of
believing that because a man loves, he also has to understand it. Except that he usually
does. We call the other sex of "opposite" for good reason - we are really opposites.

For a woman, just know a single man to understand all men;

while a man never understand any woman,
even know them all.

We are the only species that have permanent problems with the court, the ritual of mating
and the relationship - the other species already have everything planned out and is very
good. The black widow, and soothsayer, who kill their partners just after mating, know
the rules and follow them faithfully. The octopus is another good example. It is a simple
animal with a tiny brain, that never discussed sex or how to get there, much less the
differences between male and female. At any given time, the female enters estrus, the
males approach moving its tentacles, it chooses which one you like more tentacles and
gives the green light. She never accused him of not giving him attention and he is not
thinking it was good for her as for him. There are around or brother in-laws want to
advise, female and never considering discover is too fat, not longing for a sex champion.
Humans, however, are infinitely complicated. Women say men want sensitive, but do not
want to be too sensitive. Men do not understand very well this subtle difference. Not
realize they need to be sensitive in relation to women's feelings, but hard and Manly in
other situations. To move through this maze, men need to learn some techniques that will
find this book, who also teaches women techniques to identify and meet the desires men.
If you write the words "relationship" and "sex" site on a search of the Internet, get 36,714
references, in English only, to help them make things better fluírem. For other animals,
relationships procedures are guided by the need for direct survival of each species. They
do not think about it - just do. We, however, evolved so that today we know the best way
to deal with the opposite sex to have any chance to lead a happy life and enjoy a share of
pleasure, excitement and enrichment that a good relationship is able to provide.

Around the world

Why Men Lie and Women cry? is the step that in the relationship ladder, comes after the
Why Men and Women Have Sex Make Love, "and deals with aspects of life that most
people never think or simply do not understand. To write this book, traveled for more
than thirty countries, collecting and comparing information and research on the
relationship between the sexes. In this work trying to establish universal themes, define
common problems and finally present practical solutions. The behavior of equipment and
scenarios we describe in this book apply to all people all the time. Whose stories are real
principles apply to most people most of the time of their relationships with the opposite
If you get along with most people most of the time, be living together, working, working
and loving the opposite sex, your life must be very happy. Unfortunately, we see that
most people still do not understand during a good part of the time.
The rate of divorces in Britain, for example, now exceed the mark of 50% in the first four
years of marriage and, if couples who did not get married, it is reasonable to assume that
the rate of separation among couples is somewhere between 60 and 80%.

700% of divorces begin with marriage

Why Men Lie and Women cry? this is an opportunity for you to eliminate turnover a little
of the suffering, anguish and confusion of his life. It may be easier. It is a book full of
common sense and scientific facts presented in a well-humored and easy assimilation. He
explains the behavior of "other sex", they are companions, son, daughter, mother, father,
relatives, friends or neighbors.

Learning a second language

To be successful with the opposite sex you need to speak two languages - the women and
men. If you only speak English and is visiting France, in English is no good asking a
typical British dish. The French will not understand anything. But if you buy a book of
translated phrases that teach you the basic words and phrases in another language, the
problem of communication is resolved. The locals will love and be superprestativos, even
if you fall a little in the words. People are impressed when they see that we strive to
understand them and communicate with them.

"Will I have to change sex?"

People often ask us: "You are telling me that I should think, speak and act like the
opposite sex?" In no event. When you buy a cell phone, it comes with an instruction
manual. Once you learn to do this work and schedule it for the functions you want, it
gives you satisfaction, profit and fun. Why Men Lie and Women cry? is an instruction
manual to help understand the opposite sex and know what buttons to obtain the best
squeezing result.
Once you understand the evolution of man, the woman will be much easier to understand
and accept their behavior and mental processes. The man, in turn, believes the path where
the woman, can also benefit from their experiences and their views. It is a huge gain and
relief to both.

Experience first hand

We, the authors, are very well married, faithful love and great friends of each other. We
are also parents of four beautiful children. In Why Men Lie and Women cry? also rely on
our personal experiences, wishing to provide you a balanced view of the relationship
between man and woman, looking as much as possible, be impartial. The research we did
on the various themes of this book and the very act of writing it gave us a more complete
understanding of ourselves and our parents, brothers, sisters, cousins, neighbors and
colleagues. Not always hit, but we feel that hit most of the time with most people. The
result is that our relationship with those who are coming in has improved significantly
and, in general, people like us. Nothing is perfect, but taking the average, going very

How to give this book as a gift

After the worldwide success of our latest book Why Men Have Sex and the Women They
Love? (more than six million copies sold in 33 languages to the present), some men have
to be hampered in their lives. The allegation was that the women use the book to pursue
them saying "Allan said that ..." and "Barbara said-10...." Why Men Have Sex and
Women They Love? obtained a great success among women of all nationalities and we
are well aware that some have of the gift to his men saying poignantly: "You must read
this! read from beginning to end - especially the parts that I marked for you read. "
When a woman gives a gift to another a book on personal development, one that receives
feel honored and grateful to have gained something that will help it to grow. But a man
might feel insulted, thinking that the woman is trying to show that he is not good the way
it is. Perhaps the book refuses saying simply "I do not need any of it", leaving her injured
and disconcerted. So if you, reader, is man, congratulations! - Know that is part of a
minority that wants to understand how women think and act. If you are a woman, is
perhaps more prudent to ask your man to his opinion on the advice of the book, because
men love to give opinions. Mark the pages you want and let him read the book on the
coffee table or the bathroom.

And finally ...

They say man is great, because a slight belly and gray hair to give a certain charm,
personality and give the wrinkles price of undergarment is absolutely reasonable. Nobody
talks to you looking at their breasts and you do not need to go to beauty salon to prepare
for a social meeting.

They say a woman is great because you can talk to a person of the opposite sex without
having to imagine them naked, can be excused by male heads when involved in its
mysterious gynecological disorders, and the taxi stop at your beck. You dance with a frog
in a blender opinion and is not required to have erection.
Maybe one day men and women may be similar. Maybe women would like to see racing
of self-mobile, to shop with absolute objectivity, and men have to go once a month in a
simulator of TPM. The toilet seats to be set, the women only speak for the business and
the men only read Playboy for its literary value.
But we doubt - at least with regard to coming millennia. Meanwhile, follow by learning
to understand, manage and enjoy our differences. And be rewarded with love and
Enjoy, because our book!
Chapter 1

The cantankerousness
When a person does not stop complaining

Fiddle-faddle: annoy, torment, fill the bag, roast the patience, berate, bother, get fungus
in cangote, molest, quarrel, dominate (the husband), tease, annoy, provoke, irritate.
Currish: individuals, especially women, who calls all the time.

Currish is a term traditionally used by men to describe women.

In most cases, women do not feel morose. They think they are confined to their men to
remember the things they have to do: meet its share of household chores, take the drugs,
not abusing the drink, tell when it is delayed, fix what is broken, dirty clothes and take
towrope them wet the ground. In very small doses, the cantankerousness can even be
considered constructive. Where would many men without a woman warning them not to
take beer or eat sandwiches too, to do regular exercises and tests for cholesterol? Demand
in certain situations, can serve to keep them alive.
The morose man, however, is something that society sees an entirely different way. In
our culture, men do not complain. They are assertive, and are natural leaders all the time
conveying their knowledge - and politely reminding women the way to when they forget.
Yes, they criticize, they see defects, complain and complain, but it is always for the good
of women. Advice as "always check your bank! How many times do I have to say?" and
"It gives you a bit more care of their appearance when my friends come to our house?"
are repeated with admirable persistence and, above all, show how much they care about
Women also think that claim is how they worry about them, but men rarely see it the
same way. The woman alleges the man to leave a trail of chaos is where, by wetting the
entire bathroom when taking a shower and by spreading the newspaper while you read.
She knows that is annoying, but think the men can only take things repeating and
repeating the same instructions, until one day the plug fall. How they think that their
complaints are justified, even if that is annoying, does not care to continue complaining.
The friends also did not think she is morose - for them the man is yob, selfish, difficult to
handle, which is why their suffering companion deserves all the sympathy.
Generally, however, when the woman starts to repeat his orders, the male brain hears
only one thing: "There she is complaining again." Like a dripping faucet, the claims it
will consume the soul and can generate over time a fierce resentment. Men from all over
the place "to complain mania" at the top of the list of your dislikes individuals. Only in
the United States are more than two thousand cases per year for men who kill their wives
have been arguing that the complaints brought to them. In Hong Kong, a husband who
has a hammer head of the wife, causing him permanent brain damage, has been enhanced
by reducing the penalty of imprisonment by a judge who felt he was led to commit the
violence because the woman was too morose.
The cantankerousness women
The whining of men
The women complain, men give instructions.

After reading Why Men and Women Have Sex Make Love ", a man who is self" Jeremy
Dominated "sent us the following e-mail:
"I need help from you. I am married to the Queen of Claims and not stand one more
minute and its implications, its objections and complaints. The time that I get at home
until the time when I go to sleep, she is claiming the whole time without stopping.
We have reached the point where the only communication that happens between us is she
telling me all that I left to do during the day, week, month and since we got married.
The situation is so bad that I asked the boss to be working after hours. Can you imagine?
I prefer staying at work than go home. Be listening to the complaints it causes me stress
as a violent headache that starts in the car, on the way back. Should not be so - I should
drop by rejoice me to work and come home to see her.
My father used to tell me that every woman calls and fills the bag, but I did not believe it
until I married. My colleagues say that their women also complain to them all the time. It
is true that women are so from birth? Please help me. "
A group of women we had dinner in a restaurant heard the following conversation was
about their husbands:
Blonde: "Yeah, he is never satisfied. If you complain all the time. If I do not want sex at
the time he wants, it is whine, and I just early for him to shut up, but very short. It hours
that I am not so, but he insists that both the end I run better than their hearing is whining.
Morena: "Stephen is like that. Think fault in everything I do. If I go to clean dinner with
his friends, calling me saying that I have some more for others than for him, I think his
friends more attractive than him. If I do not clean, he claim that I do not care for him why
not take care of my appearance. Sometimes I think that it is impossible to hit. "
Third woman: "So why do men say that women patience to roast them with their
complaints? General laughter.

The cantankerousness through time

Throughout history, women have always appeared as a morose, as people who complain
non-stop. In the literature, is a morose adjective which applies mainly to old and women.
Until the nineteenth century, the English laws, the U.S. and Europe has allowed the man
complained about the implications of the judge or "cantankerousness" of his wife. If the
charge was proved, she was sentenced to "chair of immersion." The chair of immersion
was famous in the United States and Great Britain as a tool for punishment of witches,
prostitutes, and crimes committed small catamaran. The woman was tied infringing on a
chair hanging on the edge of a mobile arm and plunged into the river or lake close by a
predetermined period of time. The number of times that she was immersed depended on
the severity of the offense and / or the number of previous convictions.
A record of a court in the year 1592, says:
"... the wife of Walter Hycocks of Peter Phillips and his wife are prominent morose. It
decided, therefore, that they tell the church to stop the cantankerousness. But if their
husbands and neighbors to complain a second time, they will be punished with the chair
of immersion. "
The following poem, written by Benjamin West, published in 1780, shows how men in
past centuries, took seriously the claims of excess:

The Chair of Immersion

See there, my friend, the lake of our Canton

The device named chair of immersion
Under the cloak of the law that guides the procession,
Joy and terror of the people of the village.
If the scold provokes discussion
With obscene words or out of the question;
If the wife has the audacity noisy
To have the house with tremendous noise,
You say: stop, or would go to fail;
Learn to govern in the chair your language.
It occupies the infringing his post
With a frown on his face printed pompous.
Tied to the chair, dives into the tank,
But once is not enough;
The woman is hoisted and vocifera
How ever dared no shrew.
Because when you throw water on the fire,
Climb even higher the blaze.
You must then bring the peasant
A second time to the depths,
And before that to lose patience,
A third and fourth time, without reluctance.
Termagant wives, my dear, never.
When the fire is burning, the water breaks.

And when the chair of immersion was not punishment enough, there were other
possibilities. Some women were forced to parade through the city as a warning to other
women, with a mask of iron stuck to the head with a metal bar going up in the mouth to
hold his tongue. The last woman to go through the chair of immersion after condemned
as "morose stubborn" was Jennifer Pipes, of Leominster, England, in 1809.

How is currish
The morose always hopes that his victim, driven by feelings of guilt, do what she wants.
Its goal is to encourage victims to meet him, but you need to think really make it, but
simply to end the discussion. Women know that claim, but that does not mean they like to
be complaining. Usually they do to achieve a goal.
Some women turned to cantankerousness in an art form. We have identified five basic
types of complaint:
The Complaint Monotemática: "Kurt, why do not you hang your towel?" Pause. "Kurt,
you said you would hang a towel." Five minutes later: "And the towel, Kurt? Still on the

The cross complaint: "Nigel, the grass of the front garden is a disgusting, the door handle
of the room is falling and the kitchen window is still stuck. When do you replace the
lamp in the room e. ..", etc. . etc.

The Complaint Beneficente: "I took their medicine today, Ray? And stop eating the pizza
- it is bad for your cholesterol and increase the weight ..."

The Third Party Complaint by "Moira says Shane already cleaned the grill and they are
going to a barbecue tomorrow. The speed you go, just before the summer."

The Early Recovery: "Dale, I just hope that you control a drink tonight. We do not go
repeating the humiliation of last year, we?
Usually women give laughs with these reports. They recognize and acknowledge their
own words, but believe that there is no alternative.
When the level of complaints is out of control, relationships with people of currish can be
affected. The tendency of man is to ignore it even more, which only increases his
irritation and sometimes their anger. Feeling alone, can stop the currish resentful and
unhappy. When cantankerousness is out of control, she is able to completely destroy the
You can clearly see that women have an ability to speak much more than men. This
explains why women think men in general, speak little, and men think women talk
without stopping.

How is the victim

From a man, repeated complaints are a reminder continuous, indirect and negative of the
things he left behind and their defects. They mainly occur at the end of the day, just in
time that the man needs more time to be "watching the fire," as did his predecessors back
to the primitive of a full day of hunting.
The more demanding the aggressor, the victim is more refuge behind defensive barriers
that leave the woman distracted --
newspapers, computers, homework, face of discouragement, amnesia, deafness apparent
and remote controls. Nobody likes to be subject to the anger contained the ambiguous
messages to autopiedade, the censorship, nor to be continuously accused of everything.
Everyone avoids the morose, leaving her alone and resentful. And the least recognized,
the more captive and isolated she feels, the more the victim is subject to suffering.

The more claims, is more isolated.

The only concrete result of excessive claims is the destruction of the relationship between
the victim and currish therefore believe that the victim needs to defend all the time.
Why women are more morose?
The woman has a brain structure that allows you to overcome any man on the planet in
terms of falação and cantankerousness. The illustrations that follow, made from MRI
scans of the fifty men and fifty women, show (in black) the active areas of the brain used
for the functions of speech and language. It is an image of men and women were chatting
and communicating with each other.

You can clearly see that women have an ability to speak much more than men. This
explains why women think men in general, speak little, and men think women talk
without stopping.

Areas of the brain used for speech and language. Institute of Psychiatry, London, 2001.

Man Woman

The woman has a mental organization that call multiple tracks - it is a counterfeit able to
keep the air four or five balls at once. Can run a computer program while talking on the
phone and hear a second conversation behind her in the restaurant when talking with
fellow table. It is able to speak on various themes without any relationship with each
other in the same conversation USA and five tones of voice to change the subject and
emphasize issues. Men only. can identify three of these tones so often lose the thread of
the skein when they hear a woman talking.
The multiple tracks can occur even in the same sentence:
Bill: "The Sue come for Christmas?"
Debbie: "She said it will depending on how things get with the orders for carpets, which
have fallen because of economic crisis, and Fiona perhaps because Andrew does not need
to consult a specialist, and Nathan lost his job and seek other, and Jodi can not be absent
from work - the boss of it is terrible! -, so Sue said you could get out early for us to buy
the clothes for the wedding of Emma, and I thought it was us we were and Len in the
guest room could ask Ray to arrive early to... "
Bill: "That means' yes' or 'no'?"
Debbie: "Well, this also depends on Adrian, the owner of the Diana, let her be absent
from work because his car is in the workshop and she has to ...", etc.. Etc..
Bill thought it had a simple question and would be satisfied with a simple answer of 'yes'
or' no '. Instead, he received a response to "multiple tracks" involving eleven people and
nine different subjects. Frustrated, she is watching TV. The man's mental organization
contains a single track. He can only focus on one thing at a time. When you open a map
in the car, he turns off the radio. If a woman speaks when it comes to a clover on the
road, he misses the way and it puts the blame for being here. When the phone rings, he
asks for everyone to shut up talking. Some men, sometimes placed in positions of power,
have difficulty to walk and chew gum at the same time.

The male brain has only one track.

The man can not make love and explain the same time
that did not take the garbage out.

One of the most difficult situations is when the man is connected to multiple tracks
during the complaint. There is too much. He just shut up, initiating a vicious cycle where
the fretful increases the volume of voice and the strength of their objections and claims,
and the victim back further behind the barrier, sometimes physically, to USA to protect
itself. As it is not always possible to leave the scene, the pressure increases to the point
where the counter-attack victim, causing a rough thread which can even degenerate into
physical violence.

That the complaint never gives too much right?

the main mistake of cantankerousness is the way to address the problem, putting the man
in a defensive and blocking the absorption of the message. The morose plot deals with the
problem in small, petty, trivial, "You never take out the garbage, you refuse to collect
their clothes ..." and is there outside. Their "requests" are weak, whining and load of guilt
that she wants to impose victim. In general the groups it in a way that the male brain has
limited capacity to decipher. For men, is like being bitten by a cloud of mosquitoes: bites
takes over the body and can not kill them. "I did not ask him to do almost anything at
home, I ask? .. Take out the trash is not too much, is it? .. And as you know, the doctor
said I can not get passed the order weight ... killing me from week to work to make this
house more or less decent and you spent the whole time sitting watching TV ... if you
have shame in the face would fix the faucet, because this drip-drip is making me crazy ...
This type of claim is the most inefficient possible in achieving the objectives and
becomes a destructive habit that produces enormous stress, disharmony, resentment and
anger and can easily end up in violent physical reaction.

Where is the worst cantankerousness?

The cantankerousness rarely manifests itself in the workplace, unless the morose and the
victim have an intimate relationship. A clear sign of intimacy between boss and secretary
of the things she is claiming that he left behind.
The origin of cantankerousness is the balance of forces between two people. To note that
the boss has to do something, the secretary can gently remind him or simply do it. After
all, this is part of their work. But when you feel more secure in your position, more
powerful, even essential, it can start to complain to the boss to make it more efficient in
their work. You can even get to the point that you think is capable of doing the job better
than him. In this stage, the growing cantankerousness can go, and do not have enough
force to get it to work, desk, even unknowingly, may see the complaint as a form of
continuous wear the head of "bring it to your level" and make it realize how much is
The woman happy and professionally performed rarely calls at home. Missing you time
and energy to it. You are more concerned with the "greater part" of his life, which
receives praise, honors and proposals. Has a more objective way to ask things, and if your
partner does their share of domestic work, she ignores it, pay someone to do it or get a
mate to do. It operates from a position of strength.
The so-called "vampire" also does not usually complain. Its strength is of another kind: it
USA your sexual power to get to your man what you want. It may be that it not be given
the time to complain of dirty clothes scattered on the floor - her own clothes by the wide
ground, and a very sensual. However, when the relationship becomes permanent, the
goddess of sex may become worse in the morose.

The goddesses of sex do not complain of clothes dropped by the house --

they leave their own clothes scattered on the floor.

The woman also madly in love tends not to complain. She is so tied to the vision you
created for your romantic partner, so busy arming plans to make mad love and love to be
everywhere in the house, not to realize that there clothing on the floor and dirty dishes on
the table . His partner, also be absorbed by the excitement of the new relationship, or do
any thing to please her. Nobody feels the need to complain. The cantankerousness always
between people who have an intimate connection - wives, husbands, mothers, sons,
daughters and partners who live together. That is why the stereotype of morose, fretful of
the comic numbers, is always the wife or mother - the prisoners of the household, who
generally feel no power over their lives and unable to change it in a clear and direct. A
professional woman radiates strength material and mental. Of the genus is: ry exudes
sexual power. Both are strong, independent and free. The woman who regularly uses the
cantankerousness, however, feel no forces, frustrated with the only alternative to get your
feet tapping, with a confusing and contained rage. She knows that life can be better, but
feel too guilty to admit that does not like his role. E is confused and lost by not knowing
what to think.
Centuries of stereotypes, culture, family of journals felt mentally and trading of movies
and TV convinced her that the ideal woman to be truly feminine is Perfect Wife and
Mother. Even if, in the heart, it deserves more, she went through years and years of
brainwashing to accept a "truth" that may not serve you anymore. Do not want in your tú
mulo the words "always kept the kitchen clean, but do not know how to release for you to
build a better life. Sometimes she even realizes that his feelings are normal and healthy,
the same for all women.
Our research shows that women who have clear goals, working more than thirty hours
per week, or accepting and performing the ritual with joy monotonous and repetitive
domestic work and motherhood are rarely morose.

The cantankerousness can be a call for recognition

Complaining is a sign that the woman wants more: more recognition of the family for
everything they did and more opportunities for something better. "My mother has to draw
the attention of people to do all that," Adam sighs, a teenage victim of constant
complaints. "Every time you wash the dishes or vacuum the carpet is the one she makes
sarcastic comments to draw attention to itself. Acaba I preferred that she not do anything.
Why is she must be complaining because of any thing ? She is talking about "any thing"
because his life has become a collection of small things. It is a difficult person to feel
confident and powerful if all you did in the morning to evening is trivial, predictable and
routine. Anyone can pass the vacuum cleaner on the carpet. Unlike the soldier, which is
enhanced by giving their lives for the welfare of his country, nobody sends write her
name on a memorial in marble for dedicating his life to the welfare of the family. There is
no Nobel Prize for the maintenance of domestic peace. Adam's mother calls him, asking
for recognition, precisely because nobody gives value to their tasks.

Do not write wins literary prize lists of great shopping.

The Perfect Wife, Mother was not tortured (at least in the common meaning of that term)
and went through great suffering. Your daily tasks seem too trivial to justify protests and
demands for public recognition. Your suffering is a kind of invisible. It is the anguish of
the oppressed majority, silent, suffering.
Adam is the mother of a little recognition that it begs - and deserves - the quality of your
life would be better-ra impressive.
Women who went out of control cantankerousness ESPO-ments are generally solitary
and disappointed and mothers, which carry the soul the frustrating feeling of lack of love
and recognition. Here is one of the keys to reduce the cantankerousness: currish give due
recognition for the performance of small and routine tasks of his life ends with the most

The complex of mother

Many women think they are the only significant adult in the family. They think that their
husbands and boyfriends act like children. The man, in their work environment, can
communicate, solve problems, produce positive results and, ultimately, earn a salary
significantly higher than women in the same position. As your partner knows he has these
skills, is hugely frustrated by the fact he did not use them at home.

Studies show that married men live longer than singles.

But some men say that time is that it seems longer.

The problem is that often the woman is tempted to treat your partner as less capable than
a man and a boy taken. He reacts, if behaving as such. This change of attitude is the first
stone in the path of the dangerous erosion of the relationship. The more a man rebels, the
most demanding woman. The more he resists, the more it acts as if it were his mother. In
the end, both come to a point where they are no more as partners, lovers and close
friends. For men, there is no safer way to kill the passion that's starting to feel that living
with his mother, and for women, who feel that a little boy living with immature, selfish
and lazy.
Solutions cantankerousness: say what you want
The discussion was ugly. The whole restaurant was silent as the voice of the couple
stood, increasingly high. Everything started because of the pizza that they would choose.
He wanted pepperoni with capers. She, who hated capers, I Hawaiian, and began to
accuse him of never paying attention to their wishes. It was absurd to say that the ruin the
pineapple pizza. Moreover, it is the work of the shopping and help her to cook, it would
not take out so often to eat in the pizzeria. She also did not want to eat pizza all the time:
a rather more healthy food. With all this pizza, it was starting to fatten. Was it asking too
much to let her pick the pizza at least once in their life?
After that last sentence, there was silence. The restaurant was in full expectation of what
would be the response of man. He has not lost the calm. Sip his wine, looked at the floor,
to the menu, and finally back to his wife. "The problem is not the pizza, right?" He said
finally. "They are the last fifteen years."
The cantankerousness usually signal that there is a problem of communication between
two people. But rather than face it, usually they take in is trivialities and torment each
other with cruel words. This tendency is especially common among women. Many girls
still grow up believing they should be nice and sweet, and placed last in their feelings and
needs. When they become adults, they believe their role is to appease, to circumvent the
problems and be nice and warm. Many women have difficulties to say, not as a
complaint, but in recognition: "I am not happy with this life. I feel suffocated. I want to
get away from it all for two weeks, I turn myself and have a time just for me. What do
you think that I leave the children with my mother for a week, then you take a week at
work to stay with them, I think that I would do very well and feel that, in return, I am
much more happy and enjoyable to live. " For many women seem to say that much more
difficult than hitting mouth publicly because of the choice of a pizza.
The woman generally expected to intuitively know the man she would like to say
different things than they actually want. She thinks that yawn and say "I am so tired, I
think I'm gonna go to bed" and stay away, the man will brush their teeth, make your
gargling with halitol, pass deodorant, wear something more comfortable, sleeping with
her, cuddle - in the arms and seek reconfortá it maybe even with a session of sex. Instead,
the man mutter, to the refrigerator will get another beer and put it on the couch to see
football on TV. It is the head that his wife is speaking in code. Seated alone in bed, the
woman ends up giving up and falling asleep with a feeling of rejection and disaffection.
Complaints in only mask a bigger problem of communication. When a woman learns to
direct and calmly say what you want, the man responded more positively. Women have
to understand that the functioning of the male brain is comparatively simple and that
people rarely can guess what your partner really want wives and beyond - words actually
said. When the two go of it, communication has improved and the need for
cantankerousness - the excess claim ineffective.

Solutions cantankerousness: say what you feel

A man will never tell you who feel diminished when you criticize his behavior. Neither
will it hit him with her complaints concerned the same problems he used to have with the
mother when I was a teenager. And you will never feel that you sexually as uninteresting
as his mother. When you discover that you do not trust their ability to make right
decisions, he is finding it a failure, someone who will never meet their expectations. E is
Even if you talk enough, that does not mean they are getting properly convey their
messages. Almost all the problems of relationships, such as infidelity, physical or verbal
abuse, boredom, depression and cantankerousness are the result of communication
problems. Rarely a woman asks: "Why did he not speak more with me?" The man, in
turn, even if you think "My wife does not feel more attraction for me," never discussed
the problem with it.
If your wife is always complaining, he is trying to tell you something that you're not
listening, and therefore will continue talking until you hear. You, in turn, does not listen
because it does not submit the problem as they should. As we said, women often address
his men in a wrong way, using indirect language.
One night, Daniel is late in coming home from work and his wife Sue is waiting with a
few guy friends. Before he had chance to say anything, she launches the attack:
Sue: "You do not have account? Why is it so late again, I never know where you are!
Dinner was cold - you just think of you all the time!
Daniel: "Do not shout me. You're complaining and exaggerating as always, I work late
for us to have money and comfort to you ... but that is not enough!"
Sue: "You really selfish! How about putting his family first for once in your life? You
never do anything in this house - I expected to do everything!"
Daniel (away): "Get off my foot I am dead, I rest. You only know me complain all the
Sue (furious): "Ah, then it is well! Go to mosey out soon, right? Acting that neither child
again. You know what your problem is? You're always running away from things, I never
want to talk about them!"
Instead of reporting what is really felt through a direct quotation, Sue expressed hostility
of indirect way, leading Daniel to adopt a defensive behavior.
Once you enter Daniel with defensive position, communication is interrupted, preventing
the situation is clear. Neither of them is listening or watching. Sue repeated the same
message all the time and Daniel was always silent, thinking that it is just a morose
They are simply left to say really how they feel. And their problems only tend to worsen.

Solutions cantankerousness: the technique of "I"

To get the attention of Daniel, the first thing you should do is avoid Sue left for him,
putting him on the defensive. She can use the technique of "I" instead of using the word
all the time you.
Here are some of the phrases you type, used by Sue, leaving Daniel deeply angry:
- You do not have account?
- You are a selfish!
- You are acting like children again!
- You know very well what is your problem!
- Are you always running away!

The language of "you" is to attack, and always puts the other on the defensive. It is as if
Sue was a sponsor of the finger in accusation Rist. The technique of "I" lets it
communicate your feelings about the behavior of Daniel, without judging them. This
technique allows you to keep a normal conversation with your partner without fighting. It
ends with a discussion - forever.
The technique of "I" has four parts. It describes the behavior of your partner, your
interpretation of this behavior, your feelings and the impact that such behavior has on
Here's how Sue could handle Daniel, speaking as softly as possible:
Sue: "Daniel, you are arriving late all week and I do not call to warn [behavior]. Is there a
problem, you're seeing someone? [Interpretation]. I'm beginning to think that you are not
interested and do not like more of me. So I am saddened [feelings]. When that happens, I
am crazy for concern with what may have happened [consequences]. "
Daniel: "Sue, sorry. I thought you were not feeling well. I'm not avoiding you. I like you
the truth. And (I) am not seeing anyone, honey. I have been so busy at work lately, I have
worked so much, I'm getting stressed. When I come home, [I] am so tired I need a
tempinho for myself. I do not want you to feel well, and (I) promise that from now on ( I)
I will call you every time you have to stay at work until later. "
The technique of "I" is powerful because it reduces the attitude of defense, increases and
clarifies the sincerity of the sentiments of all. It is almost impossible to irritate anyone
with this technique.
In the above example, the messages of Daniel and Sue have been clearly communicated,
addressing the problem. Statements like "I" work best when they are expressed
appropriately at the time, the proper way and the tone of voice appropriate.
therefore, sometimes take a deep breath, wait until your anger placate the other to be able
to hear.

Solutions cantankerousness: Leave the man watching the fire for about thirty minutes
When the man returned to the original cave, after a full day of hunting to feed the family,
needed to be about thirty minutes looking at the fire, without speaking, to regain your
energy. The same happens with a man who arrives late to his work: one needs time to
recover. Most women, however, want to talk immediately. Here is how to apply this
Daniel: "Honey, I had a really long days and difficult gives me half an hour for me to
build the dust and relax, I promise that after you talk to."
Sue: "Honey, I need to talk to you about what happened today. When can we talk?"
When Daniel agrees with a particular time (and respect) and Sue hold while he "looks at
the fire," there is no discussion, no tension and no one feels intimidated.

Solutions cantankerousness: Who trained who?

Part of the responsibility of parents is to remember, per-sweaty and even require certain
behaviors of the children for their safety, their well-being and success in life. But where
in the exercise of that responsibility becomes a cantankerousness? And whose fault is
that, if one parent at home or a mother complaining all the time: the naughty child or the
mother or the father morose? The correct answer is: the father or mother. Parents
influence the child's pattern of behavior. If the pattern is reminiscent of the parents, insist
and ask several times before answering the child, she learns that it is not necessary to
answer the first call. Thus, children trained to be responsible for repeating the call and, in
fact, think he does not want the requirement is met.
For you, responsible, this is a vicious circle. The more you repeat and calls, plus the child
resists. The more you get frustrated with the contempt it, is more emphatic and angry.
Then the child begins to suffer because of this breach did not really think anything
wrong. Is confused and frustrated. What began as a simple request of "Come dinner!"
becomes a war.
The parents currish / disobedient children can be easily corrected for. Everything that you
need is discipline and firm - with yourself, of course, not with the child.

Be firm with yourself,

not only with their children.

Prepare to not give a specific situation for thirty days without faltering. Tell your children
that you will seek the cooperation of them once, and if they do not meet, the choice is
their own. Enter then the consequences of disobedience.
For example: "Jade, I want you to get your clothes dirty on the floor of the room and put
in the basket. If you do not put there, it will not be washed."
It is here that the self and firmness comes into play. Who will give first? If you sell and
collect the clothes, vol-ta to the point of departure. If you have self discipline and
strength, the laundry will accrue and will not listen to complaints of lack of that dress. It
may seem cruel, but you are teaching responsible habits, not to mention it will have a
happier home. And the future partners of their children will not complain of their bad
The behavior of children is the direct result of train-ing given by parents, for better and
for worse.

Do not complain to them - train them

If you find that is complaining all the time with a person, that means that they trained you
to do what she wants you to do. In other words, it is creating the rules and you are
obeying. Say, for example, that
a thousand times you ask someone not to leave the wet towel on the floor of the
bathroom, and the person still doing the same things-sa. So you just collect the used
towels because they do not like to mess in the bathroom and why do you think, if you do
not get, nobody will get and no more dry towels to use. What happens here is that the
other person knows that in the end you will end up taking the towel - it simply endure
their complaints, which is probably a small price to pay. So you no longer train for
another person.
Here's how to reverse the situation: take a clean towel - preferably of different colors -
each child and / or adult of the house and tell them that this is your personal towel, which
they must be totally responsible. Tell them that if any dirty or wet towel is left on the
floor, you will get it because they do not like to mess in the bathroom and that violates
his right to a clean house. Tell them that will put the towel in the yard of the offender, on
top of the wall in the dog house or under his pillow. The first time you apply this tactic
will be laughter, confusion and protests. Go ahead and take to end its purpose, otherwise
you will continue being the person trained.
Say, for example, that the next time this happens you put a wet towel in the bottom of the
broom closet. When the violator is bathing, will discover how unpleasant it is dry with a
towel wet and smelly. Two or three times just to be trained to collect it and hang your
towel. The same technique works with dirty socks, underpants and anything that you do
not want to see play-of the house. With this technique, you become the coach and not °
trained, and complaints are no longer needed. However, if you follow collecting things
from around the world, has chosen to continue being a person trained and lose the rights
to the claim with any person to leave the clothes scattered on the floor.

Solutions cantankerousness: a case study with children

Cameron, thirteen years, received the task of taking out the trash every Wednesday night.
He used to say that would take the garbage after dinner, or after we finished the movie, or
so leave the bath, but forgot to do it. Week after week, the smell of spoiled food in the
house would be as if the trash pile. The mother stopped asking and started to complain.
The whole family was no longer believing-not endure the complaints and more feel the
smell of garbage. But Cameron was not there either - he simply forgot and it mattered
little to the complaints.
Finally, the mother of Cameron has realized that the son was trained to the claim and
decided to react. He said that as he did not meet with their responsibility to take the trash
out, the whole family was suffering with the smell of spoiled food. And the consequences
stated that he would suffer for their disobedience: the garbage that was not carried out
would be placed in your room. Since he is not bothered with the smell of spoiled food, no
problem would have to sleep with her. The thing was submitted to a fun, relaxed, non-
The family could hardly wait for the night of Wednesday. As usual, Cameron forgot to
take the trash. The following night, when they pulled the sheet to lie in bed, he found full
of rotten garbage. The fourth fedia! The cost of this lesson a few sheets were dirty and
smelly that Cameron was forced to wash - he knew the consequences. But never forget to
take the trash.

Construed as a morose
If the victim is honest with itself, assuming that there is any truth in claims of morose and
recognizing that cantankerousness is usually a cry for recognition, the problem can be
quickly transformed into a situation where everyone wins. To feel more important is the
need of human nature. The researches have shown, many times, the people who work all
day, have their contribution and their efforts recognized, less demanding than those that
spend long periods indoors, isolated from other adults. Similarly, the owners-of-house
that they do not really like, they feel proud of keeping a home clean and comfortable, to
prepare a good and healthy food and give affection to your family, also do not usually
complain - since receive the gratitude and recognition due.
The people are generally morose performing repetitive and monotonous work or who
suffer from being isolated at home. For some women, to wash clothes, clean the carpets,
make the beds, do the shopping and cooking, not seeing more sense in that form, can dull
the mind after a year or two. If we add to this cocktail ill-bred children who break in ten
minutes the work of a whole day, we have a person who will use the cantankerousness to
draw attention and try to make other people feel so unhappy about it.
When the foundation of the claim is true, the victim must accept its share of
responsibility for cantankerousness. The cantankerousness is the result of lack of

The challenge of the victim

To achieve a situation where everyone wins, both parties need and want to divide the
responsibility for change. The victim of complaints must recognize and accept that it
must contribute to the solution of the problem.
The tendency of the victim is to develop an aggressive behavior or silent, which makes
things more difficult. She ignores the morose, yet tries to scream louder, leaving the room
or the house and invents excuses for not answering their requests. The victim does not
reflect on its share of responsibility because they are infernizada the claims, and puts all
the blame on the morose. The only way out is to stop and make a self-assessment, seeing
cantankerousness in an application for relief:
- Do you hear the other person?
- You understand the frustration of another person?
- You show superiority, making it feel devalued? - You acknowledge the achievements of
another person?
- You refuse to divide the domestic work because anyone who thinks the money should
be in a good home? - You are quite lazy and useless?
- There is a deep anger that feeds the poor will understand the problems of another?
- You want to be happy?
If you really want to be happy, feel able to sit with the other person and talk about the
problems of you?

The challenge of currish

If you are morose, I stopped to think that the other may be unable to meet their demands?
You are behaving as if the mother authoritarian one? Requires that it meets their requests
and complaints promptly, regardless of his needs at that moment? You repeat all the time
their demands?
- If your answer to any of these questions is yes, sit down with the other and report them
using the language of "I". - Tell him what you're leaving you frustrated.
- Make an agreement of the best times for their requests. - Stop being is repeating.
- Afirme their needs and feelings and listen carefully the response of her husband.
- Try to know his opinion. Maybe he has a better idea.
- Avoid accusatory phrases such as "You", which produce resistance in the other.
- What is the solution or the consequences in case he does not change their negligent
- What are you doing to improve their self-image?
- You always rewards that achieves your goals?
- You want to be happy?
For many people, demand may become a habit, a means to communicate makes them
people who sulk, unhappy and resentful of those who should be a daily source of joy,
warmth and support. But things need not be. Following our simple strategies, you can
build a future much more happy and loving both.
Chapter 2

It is not easy to say the number of annoying characteristics that women look for men, but
the letters we received from more than five thousand readers, we came to the seven
questions that women are more often about men.
- Why men offer solutions and give advice all the time?
- Why men are walking by the TV channels with the remote control?
- Why men do not stop the car to ask for guidance?
- Why do men insist on leaving the toilet seat raised?
- Why do men create problems for both go shopping?
- Why do men have very unpleasant personal habits?
- Why men like coarse jokes?

These habits of men that women classified as "bad" belong to two categories: those they
learned in its creation and those related to programming of the brain But both men are
capable of solution. Everyone can re-educate, just how to do it.

Why men offer solutions and give advice all the time?
"My husband is annoying me immensely with his mania of wanting to find solution for
everything. He lives giving me advice on how to deal with all problems of my life - even
if I do not want, when I just want to talk about my day and my feelings, it is stopping me
to say what I do, think and say. He is the best to solve problems when it comes to
"things" - dripping taps, lamps burning, defect in the car and computer and stuff -- but
when it comes to hear me, he just does not work. And if I do not follow their "advice", he
is bored.

Karen 'Almost Crazy. "

To find out why the man insists on providing solutions for any situation, it is necessary to
know some characteristics of the mode of operation of the male brain.
From the most primitive ages, the male has evolved as a hunter. The ability to reach
moving targets, essential to all they could to feed, was his great contribution to the
survival of the human race. He needed accuracy to achieve the prey and eliminate the
enemies that it disputed the-ate of and threatened his family. Consequently, it was
developed in his brain an area called "visual-spatial" that allows you to achieve success
with all his reason for living: to reach goals and solve problems. The men became
directed people to the results and measure success by their own achievements and the
ability to solve problems. In short, men are defined and self-assess according to their
ability to solve problems.
The man is valued by the results it is capable of achieving
or the precision with which it has a zebra on the move.

Every man thinks he is the only person able to solve their own problems and therefore did
not think to discuss them with anyone. He only ask for help when the other person feels
the need for a specialist opinion, and believes that it is making a smart strategic move.
The man whom he calls opinion, in turn, feels honored with the query.

When a man seeks advice from another man,

that gives the board sees the query as a compliment.

So when a woman offers a board that no man has, he feels as if it considers that the
declaration incompetent, incapable of solving their problems. For men, seek advice is a
demonstration of weakness, because he thinks it should solve its problems alone. That's
why he rarely speaks about the things that concern. He loves providing solutions and
advice to others, but unsolicited advice, especially if part of a woman, are not welcome.

Why women are annoyed with the solutions male?

The woman's brain is structured for communication through speech, and the main
purpose of speech is to talk. Most times, it is not looking for answers, much less asking
for solutions. Here is the problem of the majority of couples: the night, she usually wants
to talk about the events of the day and share their feelings, but he thinks she is bringing
him to solve their problems, is beginning to offer solutions. It is because he does not pay
attention as she is saying and he is angry because she does not accept their solutions.
"Why do not you shut up and listen", she strongly urges while directed to the port. "If you
do not want my opinion," he shouted back as the door knocks, "do not ask!" Each thinks
the other does not value what you are saying.

She just wants the man to listen with interest,

but he thinks she is asking you a solution.

He thinks that is caring and loving when seeking to resolve the problems of women. She
thinks it is irrelevant or is ignoring your feelings by not listening.

Case study: Sarah and Andy

Sarah had a rough day at work: the head was marked up, she was criticized for an
administrative error, a lost wallet and a broken fingernail. She feels that her world is
falling apart and want to talk to Andy about it when you get home.
She prepares a nice dinner in the expectation that will have a long and frank conversation
while eating. It will be nice and friendly. She can open the heart with someone like her,
knowing that you will feel much better. She wants. He listen, that make you feel loved
and understood and to convey the conviction that she will be able to solve their problems.
But Andy also had a difficult day. Closed the business with several important problems
still outstanding, which will have to address before returning to work the next day. On the
way home, his mind still working on finding solutions. Call telling him that Sarah had a
bad day, but he really needs a time to solve their own problems.
He comes home, gives a quick "hi" to Sarah goes to the room and watch the news on TV.
It gives a look at the food and says the dinner will be ready in fifteen minutes. He thinks:
Fifteen minutes of quiet before eating. "Sarah thinks:" Great! Fifteen minutes to go
before the dinner conversation. "Sarah:" How was your day, honey? "
Andy: "Well"
Sarah: "I had the worst day of my life, I am not holding more! Andy (still with one eye
on the news) "You are not holding more what?" Sarah: "My boss is me creating the
biggest problem. When I came to work in the morning, he said snakes and lizards in my
work and wanted to know that I had not finished the new advertising campaign. Then I
said I wanted it ready by the end of the week and that he was scheduling a meeting with
the client on Monday to see the work. When I tried to explain that the campaign does not
was ready because I am still working on the project Seinfield, which he said it was
urgent, and I would not finish the two projects in this period, he stopped saying that I did
not want to hear excuses and I wanted to campaign on his desk before I close the business
on Friday. Can you believe it? He just does not hear me ... (getting danada life) ... then
changed the subject and said that I see the six-afternoon on Friday to examine the
problems of last minute. I want to go. I think not stand this anymore ... "

Andy: "Look, Sarah, is simple ... you have to do is defend himself, tell him you can not
finish the two projects at once and ask which of the two he wants first. Tomorrow you go
there and He says that this deadline is impossible, he will need to adjust it or ask someone
to help you with the two projects. " Sarah (getting emotional) "I can not believe what I
hear I am talking to you on the head that is giving me orders and I do not listen, and you
get to say everything I have to do. It gives you just hear me? I'm full of men who always
know everything. "

Andy: "Saraaah! If you do not want my opinion, I will talk about their problems. Solve
them yourself and stop complaining to me, I already have enough problems that, by the
way, always fix myself!"
Sarah (almost crying) "Oh, yeah? So Fuck you, I get another person to listen to me and it
will not be telling me what I did wrong, you take care of your dinner, I leave and I do not
know that hours back! "
For men and women around the world, this is a very common scene. In the end, Sarah
feels abandoned, injured and disarmament. Andy feels devalued and confused, because
Sarah rightly criticized its greater ability to troubleshoot.

As Andy could have dealt with the situation

Let's rewind the tape and see how Andy could have prevented a very bad night.
Sarah: "How was your day, honey?"
Andy: "It was good. I have some work to solve problems in the morning, but I will get
better after that they can think a little." Sarah: "I had the worst day of my life, I am not
holding more!

Andy: "Oh, my baby, I want you to tell me everything that happened, but give me some
fifteen minutes for me to solve my problems at work. Over dinner I heard her with
attention and affection."
Sarah: "Okay ... I call you when dinner is ready. You want a drink now?"
Andy: "Thank you, honey ... I love."
When asking for fifteen minutes and get them, Andy now has time and space "to sit
before the fire and think of their problems. Sarah feels confident and happy, because it
will give you all the attention during the dinner. She is going to wreak and feel better
about life. Here's how the dinner was:

Sarah: "My boss is me creating the biggest problem. When I came to work this morning,
he said snakes and lizards in my work and wondered why I had not finished the new
advertising campaign. Then he told me that she wanted ready at the end of the week and
that was scheduled with the customer to come in Monday to see our work. When I tried
to explain that the campaign was not ready because I'm still working on the project
Seinfield, which he said it was urgent. .. " Andy (with an expression of interest) "Honey,
but that something terrible! Does he not know that you get a lot of work? You look so
stressed ..."
Sarah: "You do not know how I'm stressed! Well, but then I started to explain that the
campaign was not completed because the project Seinfield consumes much time. But in
the middle of my explanation he simply stopped telling me who did not want to hear
apology and wanted to campaign in his desk on Friday, before the end of time! Can you
believe it? "
Andy (showing interest and resistance to give advice) "Looks like he is really creating a
very difficult problem for you ..."
Sarah: "He just listened ... I changed the subject and said that I see the six-afternoon on
Friday to deal with any last-minute change. I'm so stressed that I want to go ..."
Andy (hugging her) "What a hard day you had, baby. What do you mean?" sarah: "I think
about it this evening, up early in the morning and if you have no good idea, I really would
like you to help me find a solution. I'm too tired and stressed, but I was very happy to be
able to tell you . Thanks for listening to me, baby. I feel much better now ... "
By not offering solutions, Andy avoided a discussion, got a drink and not just sleeping on
the couch alone in the room. And Sarah, giving Andy some time to himself, avoided the
usual discussions and felt happy with herself and with life.

When you want to do business with the opposite sex

Men and women do business on a very different, and when the two parties do not fully
understand what that means, your business relationship can be financially disastrous. The
woman, before starting to deal with business, you need to establish a relationship with the
man, talk about various subjects, sometimes in a very personal level to see what kind of
person he is, and is reliable. Many men have a mistaken understanding of the behavior.
Some come to believe that she is giving you chat for sexual reasons or, at best, assume
that she is asking for advice on how to solve their problems. Then they feel entitled to
offer and say what she should do.
The woman is suffering very much. The most likely is that it classifies as a man who does
not listen and that it shall give due attention in the business of making Jun-ments. Shall
treat him with reserve, leaving him confused and Rally against the bad with the operation
of your business relationship. The man needs to understand that, even in business, it is
easier to deal with a woman when she first establishes a personal connection. And the
woman needs to understand that men feel uncomfortable discussing personal matters and
therefore prefers to go straight to business. When both parties to understand, become
more prone to make - that the long-term business relationship leads to a much more

How to avoid discussions with the opposite sex

When a woman is tense and worried, we need to talk, the best and simplest is to tell the
man: "I need to talk to you about several things. I do not need solutions, you just want to
listen." With this approach, the man is satisfied and knowing exactly what she expects of


When the woman speaks and the man does not know if she is asking for solutions or just
bubble, just ask: "You want me to listen or want me to help find solutions?" Depending
on what she says, he will know how to behave.

In general, women want to be heard, not recommended.

In heaven, every man has three remote controls
and the toilet seats are always raised.

In short, councils are perceived differently by men and women. To humans, giving advice
is be attentive and show love, but a woman can interpret them as evidence that the man is
not ready to hear her. The lesson here is simple and definitive: for men, listening with
empathy, especially when the woman appears worried, and if not sure of what she wants,
ask. For a woman, make it clear what you expect of the man who is wreak.

Why men are walking by the TV channels with the remote control?
Remote control. Defining women: Apparatus used to switch a channel of the TV to
another. Definition male: Apparatus used to scroll through all 55 channels every two and
a half minutes.
For thousands of years the man spent the night watching the fire after returning from the
hunt. He sat among colleagues, in a state of trance, and was long periods without
communicating. The companions asked him never to speak or participate. For men, this is
an efficient way to relieve stress and recharge the batteries for the activities the following
The modern man still looks at the bonfire at the end of the day, but now using
newspapers, books and remote controls. Once, when we were in the remote Okavango
Delta, north of the Kalahari desert in South Africa, noticed an antenna driven by solar
energy on top of a hut in the village. We entered and saw a group of drugs Kalahari,
dresses like tango, in front of the TV with a remote control from hand to hand, each
waiting his turn to be walking by the canals.

Women around the world have a particular aversion to the male habit is changing the
After a long day, she likes to relax watching a television program, preferably a novel
filled with scenes of emotion and relationships. The woman's brain is structured to
interpret the words and body language of actors, she likes to predict the outcome of
situations and also to attend to business. For men, however, watching television is a
totally different process, which exists to meet two main impulses. Because the brain
oriented to solving problems, he is interested in getting the fastest possible conclusions.
Through channels, it analyzes the problems of each program and reflects the respect for
reasonable solutions. Secondly, the man likes to forget their problems seeing the
problems of others, which is one of the explanations for the fact that the number of men
who watch the TV news to be six times higher than women. As the mind of man is only
able to do one thing at a time, look at the problems of others without feeling responsible
for them allows you to forget their own worries. It is therefore a way of relieving stress as
well as browse the Internet, repairing the car, watering plants, doing gymnastics or the
option almost always favorite, sex. Concentrate on one thing, the man to forget their
problems and feel at peace with himself.

The men did not want to know what is going on television,

They want to know what is going on television.

When a woman is concerned about a problem, engage in any of these activities does the
smallest difference - the problem remains concerned your mind, capable of dealing with
several issues at once. She needs to talk about the problem to get some relief.
This basic difference between the sexes is a frequent source of problems. The woman
tries to talk to the man just in time when he is reading the newspaper or surfing the
channels. How he responds to what she speaks, her face, asking: "What was the last thing
I said?" To his frustration, he is usually able to tell. He heard the woman's falação, but
with the brain occupied in the task of reading the newspaper, was not really listening and
analyzing what she said. Just remember the words of it.
The woman accused the man tends to be kilometers away when she tries to talk. That
leaves the confused, because he thinks his mere physical presence is enough. The woman,
however, whether he is also emotionally present. She suffers from the man's apparent
inattention and disinterest as the person interprets it. The man suffers from not being able
to enjoy a moment of idleness, even after having tried to offer solutions and be rejected.
The more the woman insists, more man resists. The more he resists, she is more resentful.
The woman needs to understand that looking the fire is the way that man has to relieve
stress and therefore should not take that attitude in personal terms. When he speaks, is
something each time. The female brain, from multiple tracks, make it talk about a variety
of things, past, present and future-feeling, all at the same time.

The silence of the man does not mean he does not love her.
Means that he wants a moment of quiet.

The man, in turn, must understand that women need to talk and unburden relieve stress,
without worry to reach solutions.

To solve the problem of remote control, it should tell the man, calmly, that the troubles
and ask him to please not do so when she is watching your program. And if not advance,
it should consider the possibility of buying its own television set and go see your program
in another room.

Why men do not stop the car to ask for guidance?

For over 100,000 years, men have used the space component of your brain to track the
prey and hit the target. During this period, they learned the art of maintaining the sense of
direction and recognize the ways to hunt for great distances without losing the direction
of home. This explains why more than a third of men, when entering for the first time in a
room without windows, pointing to the north within a radius of 90 degrees, something
that only one in five women is capable of. The most plausible explanation for the sense of
direction for men is the highest concentration of iron in the right hemisphere of the male
brain, they feel pennite magnetic north. This is the same ability that men use to find the
place where he was sitting in a football stadium, to locate the car in a large park-ing and
to resume a place where it once.
Females, defenders of nests and offspring, is not alone ventured beyond the horizon, so
they learned to be guided by landmarks - the sense of direction has never been a need or
part of their job description. Seeing a tree, a lake or a mountain, she was able to locate
and find the way home. This is therefore the key to teach man the way a woman. If he
says "go to where the street has a huge tree, then go toward building a pink next to the
National Bank, on the other side of the avenue, it is likely that it arrived. But if he says
"take the third exit to west on Highway 23 and walk five kilometers to the north", it may
disappear forever.

Men never lose --

only discover alternative destinations.

For men, that is lost means that failed in their ability number one - find the path. He
would go to the pillory than admit to a woman who is lost. If you are a woman, is sitting
in the passenger seat and just go through the same garage for the third time, it is
important not criticize him or give advice, especially if it has no intention of getting a

Buy a map or a guide and leave it in the car. A rapid and safe emergency strategy is to
tell you that you need too go to the bathroom, which require a stop, preferably in a gas
station. While you're in the bathroom, he has time to ask for guidance, pretending that.
are buying something. Or maybe, depending on the relationship of trust that has been
built between the two, you can tell who is affectionately distressed to reach the
destination and ask him to stop. Ask you to information, but be sure to hear it.

Why are four million sperm needed to find and fertilize one egg?
Because no one likes to ask what is the path.

Why do men insist on raising the leaving the toilet seat?

By the end of the nineteenth century, the toilet cubicles were in the back of the house,
outside. When a woman went to the bathroom, I took another woman, for safety. The
man, however, had to go alone and defend itself in case of need. Men never urinate in
bathrooms, but in bushes or supported on objects, that the modern habit inherited from
their ancestors. That is why we rarely see a man urine in the open, but the slope, a wall or
a tree. When the download was invented at the end of the nineteenth century, the
bathroom has moved into the houses and public establishments. But the practice of going
to the bathroom in groups remains among women. You never hear a man say: "Hey,
Fred, I'm going to soak-ro ... You do not want to come with me?"

Men, when they go to the bathroom, never lead a support group.

Today, all public restrooms have separate facilities for men and women, with seats for
women and set the wall urinals for men. The women always felt, but the men just sit in
10-20% of cases. The modern homes are designed and built to accommodate men and
women equally, but men are at a disadvantage because the restrooms accommodate
domestic needs especially women. At home, the man has to lift the board not to wet the
place where the woman will sit. But when you forget to below her back, is severely
criticized, leaving many people very angry. Why do women never take the trouble to
raise the seat to the man? In Sweden there is an article of a law requiring the man to
urinate sitting in public restrooms, to be politically correct. When God finished creating
the universe, he still lacked two things to be split between Adam and Eve A, he
explained, was an instrument that would allow its possessor to urinate standing up. The
offer was excitadíssimo and begged God to the left for him.
Eva smiled, benevolent, and told God that if Adam wanted to do so, could stay. Then
God gave to Adam, who immediately was urinating on a tree and draw a picture in the
sand. And God saw that it was good.
Then God sent to Eva "Well, here is the other thing," he said, "I think you can keep it."
"Thank you," Eva replied "Who are you?" And God replied, smiling: "Multiple
One of our male readers wrote us to say as he and his wife faced the problem of the toilet
seat: "Women need to understand that the penis has its own designs. The man can get a
cabin bathroom (where all the urinals are occupied), look perfectly in the middle of the
toilet, and even then the penis to urinate over the roll of toilet paper in the left leg of the
pants or on top of the shoe. I speak seriously, there is not enough to trust him.
"After 28 years of marriage, my wife decided I train now. I have no permission to urinate
as a man on foot. It requires that I sit urine. And I am convinced that this is a small price
to pay. If it is the bathroom at night and sit again in the wet board, or fall into the pot for
that, I left the seat up, it kills me while I'm asleep. "
Indeed, the man does not give the slightest importance to the fact that the seat be raised or
lowered, but may be upset with the woman if she require authoritatively that lets you
down, instead of asking politely - or below it herself .

Ask the man who sat urine may cause some problems. If the man refuses, may be
remembered, so calm and firm, in the Islamic world that millions of men sit to urinate
every day - which absolutely does not compromise the masculinity. It is said that the
Prophet urinated standing up once in life, a garden where it was impossible to sit. If this
is not enough to convince you, just for new household rules. His task will be washing the
bathroom, which means spending a day on the floor cloth to clean all the drops lost.
Maybe this can make sitting more attractive?
If you are to them, the ideal solution is to buy a house with two bathrooms - one for him,
one for her - or reforming the current home to create an extra bathroom. Thus, one can
enjoy the standard of cleanliness and hygiene that you like, without having to worry
about the other.

Why do men create problems both for shopping?

The great advantage of being human is we can buy two, three shirts, a belt, three ties and
two pairs of shoes in less than eight minutes. This is clothing to last more than five years.
He is able to buy Christmas gifts for the whole family in forty minutes, the four in the
afternoon of day 24, and still alone on top.

To a man, a pair of shoes, a suit

and two shirts last for years, perhaps decades. And the best is that, because of this, the
book takes him more.

For most men, shopping is an activity located in the same plane to take of the prostate
with a doctor of cold hands. The British psychologist Dr David Lewis found that the
stress that men experience during the Christmas shopping equivalent to a police dealing
with an angry crowd disorder. For most women, on the contrary, shopping is one of the
favorite ways of relieving stress. The reasons for this are clear to anyone who has studied
the evolution of different male and female brains and understand their respective
schedules. The life of primitive man as a hunter gave him a sort of "tunnel vision" that
allows you to move directly from point A to point B in a straight line. The ziguezagues
between shops and kiosks that women needed to consider a purchase as a successful man
leave extremely anxious, because any change of direction requires a conscious decision.
The woman, however, with his peripheral vision more broadly, zigzag with greater
tranquility in a mall crowded with people.
Men have evolved as creatures that kill their prey, and returned home. Today it is exactly
so that men like to shop. Women shop the way their ancestors catavam food: going the
whole day with other women for a place where one is reminded of
have seen growing plants tasty. There must be a specific goal or guideline, and the limit
of time is not important. They spend their days going from place to place in a non-
structured, feeler, smelling, feeling and showing all the things that are as speak with each
other on a lot of issues with no relation to what they are doing. Even without finding
anything worth the penalty to take home, and again at the end of the day with little to
show, they feel satisfied because they had a great day. For men, the idea is inconceivable.
Leave a full day with a group of peers with no clear destination, no route, defined goal or
time limit, and then go home empty-handed, which means he failed. That is why when
you ask a man to buy milk, bread and eggs when returning to work can happen to bring
him sardines and light mayonnaise. He forgets what she asked and returns home with a
couple of "gifts": the product of his "hunting".

She dresses carefully in accordance with the time the season, the fashion, the color of
hair, skin and eyes, the place where you are going, how you feel that day, who is leaving
and who will do .
For a man, just give cheiradinha the clothes you left in the back of the chair.

Polls show that not only the men do not like to shop, but they affect the health of them,
due to the stress they cause. But there are ways to help the man to have a positive feeling
about it.

How do supermarket
Let the man pushing the cart. Men like to be in control and therefore to "guide them"
using their ability to space curves, maneuvers, speeds and stuff. Ask the man how to get
in the shopping cart - this causes it to again use their spatial skills to find the answer.
Women, when shopping, the supermarket zigzag loading a list, but men prefer to go
straight, buy the memory and examine all the stuff you seem interesting. Consequently,
they always go home the same items - the kitchen cabinet of a single man has ten
packages of pasta, nine cans of tomato sauce and very little thing. Give him clear
objectives - brands, flavors and sizes - as you zigzag the gondolas, challenge you to find
the best prices and praise him when he gets results. Always ask what he likes to eat and
buy him his favorite foods. At this point the reader may be impatient and was saying:
"All this because of some shopping?" Remember, shopping is not part of the
programming of the male brain, so you need the encouragement.

How to buy clothes

The same principles that apply in the motivational-supermarket's worth of clothes in the
shops too - give the man sizes, colors, fabrics and price ranges and send it to the game.
The male brain is structured to focus on a single task.
What can be said of a man well dressed?
That the wife chooses their clothes well.

One explanation for the way men shop was developed from studies with chickens. When
received male hormones, the chickens how to move the food Cisca. First ate all the red
beans until done, then all yellow. The other ate the seeds of all colors without any order.

Give the man a single thing to do at a time and not try to convince you that you are
saving a lot of money buying a larger quantity. Never ask him "You think I am better
with the blue dress or the gold". In general, the man feels anxious because he knows that
will never have the right answer and is therefore wrong and let the woman boring. So
save you the question. If a woman asks the man to buy something for her or to get a
particular article, you must give the exact size of clothing you want. If it takes more, she
is accused of suggesting that fat. If you catch a smaller number, it will find that you are
fat. When trying clothes, while the man waiting outside the fitting room, the chair-the-
bored-husband, the woman must provide a magazine to read it.

I always secure her hand. If I drop it buys.


Even with these strategies, it is important that you remember: the concentration of most
men in a shop has. reach a maximum of thirty minutes.

Why men are so unpleasant personal habits?

Everywhere, women complain that men are much more unacceptable personal habits than
them, but the
studies do not support this thesis. Men are more tolerant in accepting what they consider
bad habits women and provide care in less detail than women. It is less likely, therefore,
they perceive a female habit offensive.

The advantage of being a man is not to leave the room to fix the private parts.

At the top of the list of men habits that women can not tolerate are: take meleca nose,
burp, smell, wear old underwear and rub the bag. But number one, by far, is what is
commonly called the drop bang, something that has a horrible name: fart. Flatulence:
noun, feminine: an embarrassing byproduct of digestion, noun, masculine: a source of
entertainment, self-expression and male entertainment.
Although it is a sign of good health and nutrition, bang release is an act universally
disapproved by women. Among men, drop bang for fun is a practice that begins more or
less at ten years old when the prestige of children is measured by the ability to release
various kinds of puns, is imitating voices or blue flare launching the fourth with the aid
the lighter. The humpback is ranked second, a minute ago.

Flatulence: the facts

While 96.3% of men acknowledge that drop puns, only 2.1% of women will admit it
someday. The men released about twelve puns and women a day, seven. While men emit
an average of 1.5-2.5 liters of gas, enough to fill a balloon, women emit 1-1.5 liters of gas
per day. The main causes of excess gas is too much talk and talk during the meal. The air
is trapped in the digestive system and, although most is belch, the rest goes to the large
intestine where it mixes with other gases and is ready to explode in the most unusual.

Food reactions
Foods that produce gas are more cauliflower, onion, garlic, cabbage, broccoli, flour,
bread, beans, beer, fruits and vegetables in general. As a result, vegetarians deploy more
puns, but with much less odor.
Among the products that reduce the amount of gases produced by the body are the chips
of coal, to prepare "in desgasificantes and products made of mint and ginger.

One obvious remedy is to prepare healthy meals with less genera-producing gases and
offer the man a cup of mint tea after the meal, instead of coffee. Food combinations also
give good results, such as carbohydrates and proteins never join in the same meal.

Never shall it be the man eat food producers of gas less than two hours before bedtime.

In addition, encourage the man not to drink water during the meal. Before, no problem,
but drinking during a meal dilutes the digestive juices, increasing the likelihood of
releasing gases later. Find an example. Chew the food well, eat slowly and do not see TV
during the meal. But if he insists on eating quickly and drop the boom all the time, you
may need a more efficient tactics. See the example of one of our readers.
Every time I went with Sharon, Nigel released huge puns in public places such as
department stores. It was
washed with more expensive, so nobody knew who was. When the surrounding is tipped
for the couple, Sharon was obviously found guilty, why was all red and with an
embarrassed air. Nigel thought it very funny - until the big fights happen. At home, he
released puns in bed and called it the "test of true love."
Sharon decided to establish the room and the kitchen as "prohibited zones of bang."
When you were in a public place, eg diu-to warn you that at least two minutes before the
release will feel when a bang. If it does not comply with this standard, she benefit from a
bag and roll of toilet paper for everyone would hear: "Does this help?"
The mascots also solve the problem. To hear noise or feel the smell of fart, it is always
easy to turn and fight for the dog with him to scream.
It is important that the woman tell the man with the greatest possible objectivity and
serenity, how much this habit to bother. A woman can make it clear that the boom in the
bedroom - especially in the double bed - it takes all the desire to have sex. Caring for
food with the aim of releasing less gas, it can, in turn, enjoy a much more enjoyable sex

Why men like coarse jokes?

The humor has to man three main purposes: first, gaining prestige with men to have a
good repertoire, second, to help deal with tragic events, third, admit the truth about a
matter in question. The laughter has its roots in our remote past when it was used to warn
other people of an imminent danger, as among monkeys. The chimpanzee, when can
escape from a lion, rushed away to a tree, throws her head down and produces a sequence
of sounds very similar to human laughter. Other chimpanzees that warns of the danger.
The laughter is an extension of crying, and crying is a reaction of surprise and fear,
evident in children from birth. When you deliberately frighten a child playing hide-and-
seek in the first reaction is her cry of fear. When the child realizes that the situation is not
threatening, she laughs, which means that if for a moment she experienced a reaction of
fear, the laughter indicates that she knows it was only joke.
Examination of magnetic resonance imaging show that men laugh most of the things that
stimulate the right side of the brain and that it gives to women the exact opposite. The
University of Rochester, USA, claims to have discovered where is the male sense of
humor - it is located in the frontal lobe of the brain above the right eye. Men love humor
and jokes that have a logical, step by step, with some unpredictable conclusion. Here are
some jokes that stimulate domestic relation Cère male-ber:
1. What is the difference between a woman in the TPM and a terrorist?
. With the terrorist you can negotiate.
2. Why the name men give to their own penis?
. Why do not want strangers to take their key decisions.
A major difference between the sexes is the male obsession with jokes about tragedies,
and terrible events male genitalia. The female sexual organs are capable of astonishing
feats of human reproduction, are certainly protected and, if progress, extending over four
kilometers. But women never make jokes with them, not give them names of estimation,
or the deal as a reason to laugh.
The male sexual organs are hanging right in front of a vulnerable and weak (additional
proof that God is female) and are a source of fun and free for men. The female humor
involves people, relationships and men. For example:
1. What can you say to a man who has sex?
. What you want - he is sleeping.
2. What is the perfect lover? .
Make love to the two in the morning, then turns chocolate.
3. Why men do not simulate the orgasm? .
Because no man would do such a face on purpose.
The male brain has an amazing ability to store and remember jokes. Some men are able
to tell jokes that you heard in the fourth grade, but do not know the names of the children
of your best friends. Men find very funny show in the ass for unsuspected group of older
women, mostly nuns, to make the championships enchain bang and grooms in the light
poles. For most women, none of these things is not remotely funny.
The jokes are as important as a means of communication among men, that when a
tragedy happens global, networks of e-mails from around the world are literally flooded
jokes sent by men. Whether the death of Princess Diana, the September 11 or the hunt for
Osama bin Laden, the male brain enter immediately into action.

Osama bin Laden has 53 brothers and sisters, 73 wives, 28 children and more than 300
million dollars.
But he says he hates the Americans because of the excessive way of life they lead.

Here lies the difference between men and women with regard to dealing with serious
emotional problems. Women deal with disasters and tragedies openly expressing their
emotions to other people, but men account. They tell jokes as a way to "talk about the
event, without showing any emotional blow that can be seen as weakness.

As the jokes and humor relieve the pain

The laughter and crying instruct the brain to release endorphins into the bloodstream.
Endorphin is a substance whose chemical composition is similar to morphine and heroin
and has a soothing effect on the body, while promoting the immune system. This explains
why people rarely get sick and happy that the unfortunate people who are complaining
live, seem ill more frequently.
The laughter and crying are closely related from a psychological and physiological.
Think the last time that someone told you a joke that made you slip in uncontrollable
laughter. How did you feel then? That feeling of tingling was from the release of
endorphins to the blood system, a kind of "cheap" natural. Many people get the similar
effect of laughter with drugs, alcohol or sex. Alcohol loosen the inhibitions and makes a
person laugh, releasing endorphins, which explains why the general well-adjusted people
laugh and most unfortunate that people become even more unfortunate, and even violent
when they drink vodka or gin drinks. At the end of a meeting of great laughs, you usually
cry. "I cried from laughing so much!" The tears contain encefalina, another Body natural
tranquilizer that relieves the pain. Cry when we have a painful experience, and the
endorphins and encefalina help in self-anesthetize.
The basis of many jokes is a disastrous event or painful experience for someone. But
knowing that it is not a real event, laughed and released endorphins to the self-
anesthetize. If it were a real event, começaríamos to cry immediately and the body
released encefalina too. That is why the cry is often the extent of access of laughter. And
that is why, when faced with a serious emotional crisis such as death, in general people
cry, but someone who can not accept it may start to laugh. When the person know it's
reality, the laughter turns into crying.
The laughter anesthesia the body, activates the immune system, protects against diseases,
assists the memory, enhances learning and extends life. The mood cure. In all parts of the
world, research has shown that the positive effects of laughter, releasing anesthetic
produced by the body, strengthen the immune system. After the laughter, stabilizes the
wrist, the breathing is deeper, the arteries dilate and the muscles relax. The laughter is a
predominantly male to deal with emotional pain. The more difficult it is for a man talk
about an emotional event, the more he rirá if you tell a joke on the subject, as cruel and
insensitive as it may seem to women. As the men rarely talk about his sex life with men,
they tell jokes as a way to discuss her. Women, however, are able to discuss details of
their sex lives with friends without the help of any joke.

Do not be offended
While there are Irish there are jokes about Irish. What about Asian, Portuguese and
feminist. And where there is a tragedy, it will invariably create their own collection of
jokes. Miff is a choice. Other people may not offend you - if you choose offense. And
choose to offend the world says you are unable to deal with the problem addressed by the
joke. We are Australian author living in England and the English are all the time telling
us jokes about Australians. Despite the jokes, we chose not to hurt. If it's a good joke, we
laugh along with the British.

You can choose to feel offended because someone told a joke that says that everyone in
your country is stupid. That does not mean they are really stupid, and the counter attack
of the joke does not become more intelligent. You can choose to feel the rage of traffic
jam, but your anger will not make the traffic flow. If you are capable of taking a calm,
analytical, on the grounds that the traffic being stopped, maybe find a solution to the
problem. In any event, cease to be victims of traffic on both of rabies.
If a man insist wisecrack unfit at or in the wrong place, tell him so firm and gentle you
are not enjoying it and want it to stop. If he persists, just go do something else.
A social occasion, this observation may be more difficult, especially if you are the host.
The man who asked you to stop improper wisecrack may feel publicly humiliated and be
challenged from the other even more offensive. Maybe we should use the following
tactics: "You are a great counter jokes. Do know any more light?" Or you can ably deflect
the subject, using the knowledge acquired in this book to check if all are in agreement
with the differences between men and women!

Learned behavior - blame his mother

The female brain is programmed to create and nurture the children mainly. Women live
behind the things that the children leave the house, preparing their favorite dishes, your
clothes are, give them money and protect the bitterness of life. As a result, boys grow up
with few skills and domestic skills and a low degree of understanding of how to relate to
a woman. They feel attracted to women, as the mother, will nourish you and serve you.
At the beginning of a new relationship, most women assume this role, but when he
realizes that may become permanent, things go sour. It is important to understand that
women, acting as a mother all the time, eventually playing the mother figure and man
react with screams, conniption and leakage. And no man who finds the mother sexually

How to re-educate the man

The training of any person - child or adult - to do what you want to do it is always the
same. You want the behavior that rewards and punishes as either. As already suggested,
is the man to drop the clothes or wet towel on the floor rather than put it in the basket of
laundry, explain politely that you would like the clothes were put in the basket to be
washed. If they ignore your request, collect the clothes and the towel. How they interfere
with their right to live in a clean house, explain that you will put them in a plastic bag in a
closet or under the bed. When he need them, you know where to find. The key problem is
to announce its intentions in advance and avoid being sarcastic, judgmentalism or
aggressive, because it generally produces a negative effect on men. When he needs pants,
shirts or towels washed, the problem is his, not yours. Similarly, if large tools or
unfinished projects for the house, tell him I will put them in a de-finished cabinet. Do not
place them in the shop or anywhere that is convenient for him, because that will only
reinforce the behavior you do not want. If you intend to re-educate your man, resisting
the temptation to save his stuff. And when he put the things in the right place, reward
their contribution with a smile, a caress or a "thank you". Some women are horrified at
the idea of thanking a man for him to do something as simple as collecting their own
clothes, but it is important to understand that men have not changed as guardians of nests
and, therefore, the care is not a behavior "natural" for them.
If the mother of a man not trained to do these things, will you train it. But if you continue
to collect and save his stuff, you have chosen to accept that the role of substitute mother's
will and to comply with this role.
When you understand how the male brain, you will discover that it can be fun to have a
man around. Men are always the same - you can change the skin color, culture or
religion, but their brains work the same, or were born in Trieste or in Timbuktu.
The secret is to administer the men of his life, instead of discussing, miff or frustrate
yourself with them. Thus, the sexes will be able to live happily ever after. Who knows,
the next time you ask women to the seven things that men do leave them mad, they may
fail to mention or three. Maybe.
Chapter 3

Women cry?
The dangers of emotional blackmail

Poor man, trapped between three women who mourn, each with their particular
The daughter: "If you really like me, gave me a new bike! The mother of salt / and gave
her one!
! The woman: "You forgot the anniversary of our marriage! Our relationship fell
na.rotina, you do not love me more!
"The old mother:" No need to worry about me ... I am old, sick and then, once I die. "

So far, shed some serious and humorous on the differences between the sexes and what
you can do about it. We now examine how the emotions can be used to manipulate
people and make them sell. All stories are true - only the names have been changed to
protect the guilty.
Sometimes the cry comes as direct response of the heart, but there are times when people
cry to manipulate the emotions of others. Although men occasionally do this, women are
more likely to use the tears as a weapon of emotional blackmail, even if they are not
aware of it. It is a mechanism of control that can be deliberate or unconscious. The goal is
to force the other person - husband, lover, child, parent or friend - to act in a different
way than would like.
She also cries to look sorry and receive more lenient a punishment for a wrong action.
This chapter will help you identify the people who use such tactics to manipulate you or
trick you in order to obtain what they want.

Why cry?
Cry: yell, leak, spill or blubber, howl, wail, whimper, wail, whine, whine, whine (the
dog). Crying is a behavior that we have in common with other animals and that starts at
birth, but humans are the only ones who cry with emotion. For humans, the tears serve
three purposes: to help clean the surface of the eye; excrete chemicals generated by
stress, distress signal in emotionally charged situations.

The lacrimal gland is the tap, the channel is the lacrimal drain.

The tears are secreted by a gland located above the eye and removed by two channels in
the internal corner, reaching for his time in the nasal cavity. Emo-tional circumstances or
afflicted, the excess of tears that can not be drained by the lacrimal channels rolls by side.
Why women cry more than men?
Cry since born. The prime purpose of crying in adults, is stimulating feelings of affection
and protection.
Crying is a way to achieve what the child wants, behavior perpetuated among adults, for
some women. Most women can identify seven different meanings in the crying baby, by
which it assesses their needs. The lacrimal glands of women are more active than those of
man, which is consistent with the emotional reactions of the brain most powerful women.
Rarely you see a man cry in public, because the whole process rolling, the man who
shows emotion, especially in the presence of other men, is placed at risk. By transmitting
weakness, he encourages other men to attack him. For women, however, display their
emotions, especially for other women, is a sign of confidence: the crying is the baby, and
friend plays the role of parent helpers.

Familiar cry has three purposes:

1. Wash the eye: The lacrimal gland discharges fluid inside the eye and lacrimal channels
act as drains to drain it to the nasal cavity. Cry used to remove salt and other impurities
from the eye. The tears contain an enzyme called lysozyme, which kills bacteria and
prevents infections in the eye.
2. Reduce stress: chemical analysis show that the tears of stress, those who roll the sides,
containing the different proteins that serve to clean the eye. The body seems to use this
function to eliminate the toxins of stress. That would explain why women they feel better
after "a good cry", even seem to be no reason to do so. The tears also contain endorphins,
a natural body of anesthetics that act as shock of emotional pain.
3 - Flag emotions: Seals and sea otters cry when emotionally shaken by the loss of their
young. The human being is the only land animal that cries of excitement and. to
manipulate emotion. The tears act as a signal to the other emotional embrace and comfort
those who cry, and encourage the production of the hormone oxytocin, which makes
people want to be touched by other people and acaricides.

The seals and sea otters do not use tears as a tool of manipulation. Humans, yes.

The eyes glow when a person feels an intense emotion, but the amount of tears is not
enough to roll the face. This is what happens when the light reflects the tears of parents
proud and passionate lovers.

The crying and the emotional blackmail

How to blackmail

Now you know the purpose of crying, we examine the mechanism of manipulation. Let's
talk about criminal blackmail, a process known to us all, where someone tries to extract
advantage - usually money - from another person by threatening to reveal something that
will harm the victim's life.
That is therefore the main ingredients of blackmail and criminal actors: - The victim:
someone who has a sense of guilt or obligation.
- The blackmailer: a person who knows the weak point of the victim.
- The requirement: the payment in exchange for silence or cooperation.
- The threat: exposure, punishment and loss of something of great value material or
- Resistance: the victim's initial refusal to cooperate.
- The agreement, acceptance of the demands of the blackmailer. - Continuity: the
inevitable continuation of exigêncÚs.

The emotional blackmail

The emotional blackmail happens when a person threatens you emotionally close to any
punishment or subtly insinuated that you will suffer if you do not agree with what she
wants. This person knows their innermost secrets and vulnerabilities and USA that
knowledge to make you comply.

Case study:
Rosemary Greg, the husband of Rosemary, and her mother did not like each other. The
mother thought that Greg was not good enough for his daughter and was always trying to
create problems for the couple. One day, she told Rosemary that one of her friends had
seen Greg with another woman in a bar. "It probably is a co-worker," suggested
Rosemary. "We are not owners of each other."
Greg was furious when his wife told him that story. Took her to the bar to present it to the
owner, who was combining a party-surprise for the anniversary of Rosemary. From that
day, the relationship with the parents of Greg finally turned sour.
Two years later, the mother of Rosemary and daughter became seriously ill understood,
with heavy heart, that would invite the parent to live with them. But how could imagine
what the reaction from Greg, carefully chose the moment to present it.
That night, made a special deal in appearance and prepared the favorite of Greg. When he
came home, served him a glass of wine and asked how was your day. When we sat at the
table, she knew he was calm and relaxed. After dessert, she put her head between his
hands. Concerned, Greg asked what was wrong. "I do not know how to say," she replied.
"I feel terrible." Greg held the hands of women. "Rosie, what? Something I did?"
Rosemary shook her head with a sad air. "No, Greg, you did nothing. ... It is I" And off to
Greg hugged her and she begged him to say what was the problem. Between tears, she
shook her head. "No, no, all is well, Greg. I give a way. Excuse me. Do not worry." "But
Rosie," he begged, "tell me what happened. Is it something so bad?" Between tears,
Rosemary prying eyes at him, pleading. "No, Greg, I am afraid of you getting angry with
me and not stand that," she said with soft voice and hacking. Greg was starting to become
distressed. "Tell me, please. Frankly, I will try to understand." Greg began to think the
worst. Rosemary should be having an affair. Rosemary shake, went hand in the eyes and
deep breath. "It's Mommy. She is very patient and I am worried. I take care of her, but I
know what you think of the idea of her live with us. I tried all possible solutions, but not
found, and this is killing me - thinking about Mom alone, without anyone to care for her.
Oh, Greg, I do not know what to do ... it was your mother I know, but ... " And started to
Initially, Greg was flatly refused to consider the possibility of bringing the parents to live
with them. But after two days of tears of Rosemary, began to feel guilty. If he really
loved Rosemary, should not be prepared to make that sacrifice for it? Is this not true
love? Marriage is compromise? And started to feel selfish and petty - exactly as
Rosemary thought he would stay. In the end, Greg agreed to a trial period of a month.
Both Rosemary as her mother knew that once she enters the door, it would be virtually
impossible to go back. And Greg knew that every time he protests, there would be tears
and accusations, and he would feel sick. The pattern was established.
The story of Greg and Rosemary has the typical ingredients of blackmail in which a
person tries to emotionally manipulate the other to obtain a personal gain:
The victim: Greg - he felt weakness and feeling of guilt when his wife was emotionally
The blackmailer: Rosemary - realized the weakness of Greg.
The requirement: the mother of Rosemary go live with them.
The threat: the implicit refusal of love where Rosemary not get what they want.
The strength of the initial refusal to cooperate Greg.
The agreement: Greg yields to the demands of Rosemary.
Continuation: the inevitable discussions and in tears. Everybody knows at least one
person who has used tactics of emotional blackmail to force them to do something that
they initially refused. Perhaps a situation similar to that of Greg, maybe that person who
never seems to say exactly what you want - they always end up manipulating to achieve
their final goal. It is important that you identify the people in their relations that use these
tactics of manipulation to get what they want. In general, people do not believe that their
relatives and friends use this type of strategy on a conscious and deliberate. But the
consequences of emotional blackmail is always destructive.

The people who are emotional blackmail, more commonly, relatives and friends.

You end up agreeing to something not wanted to do. To obtain your agreement, the
blackmailer makes you feel bad with yourself and guilty of resisting. It is inevitable that
you will be felt by being placed in this situation. Whether you realize it or not, your
relationship with the blackmailer will never be the same.

Men and emotional blackmail Men are, by far, most frequently the victims of that
the villains of emotional blackmail. They prefer to ask directly what they want. Women,
who developed the role of peace keepers tend to say exactly what they want when they
want something. The many lack the self-esteem necessary to consider worthy of the
object of their desires. Defenders of the nest, they have a incontomável need to be loved.
Its function has always been to nurture relationships - with partners, children and other
family and social groups - and their brains are structured to make them work. Use
because, often, the emotional blackmail to get what they want, rather than say it directly
at the risk of a refusal to listen.
The blackmail seems to be the easiest way because it allows the person to avoid the

Men are also emotional blackmail, but in much smaller scale. The male brain functions
are much simpler with regard to emotions. When hunting, the men preferred the direct
approach, immediately. And their brains continue to evolve that way.
If a man wished that his mother would live with him, to buy your partner a bouquet of
flowers before you ask, and this would be the maximum of their manipulation. The trend
would come right in the matter and discuss it frankly, taking into account the pros and
cons. May propose to build an annex in the house, hire an escort to take care of mother,
spend the weekends away and so on. In general, men require, or subtly asking that
everyone agree with what they want, and usually women consent.

The men use the direct approach and well structured to achieve what they want.
Women prefer to emotional blackmail.

In the course of history, men always occupied positions were always more powerful and
more open master-mind of women. Without enough force to impose their will, women
had to rely, for centuries, in his stratagems and his cunning to get what they wanted.
However, there are some situations in which men often resort to emotional blackmail.
The boys, for example, the use to convince girlfriends to make sex with them.

Case study: Damian

Damian came out twice with Erika. And twice in the match led a long and deep kiss
before she desvencilhar of his arms and leave the car running for home. Damian was
getting impatient. He liked to Erika and I have sex with her but the girl resisting. He
could not understand why. As Erika said that he liked it, thought it natural that she
wanted to make love as much as him.
In the third meeting, after a dinner theater and much more expensive than Damian wanted
to pay, he stopped the car park in a poorly lit and turned off the engine. Turned to Erika
and began kissing her and rummage in his shirt. She has helped to unbutton it and started
to caress. After five minutes, he tried to take the shirt of Erika, but was rejected. The
same happened a second time. And a third. So it is not contained and asked what was
"Erika, I like you the truth. I only make love with you. We give it so well that I want to
show you how much I love you." But Erika did not seem convinced. "Sorry, Damian, I
love you. But it is too early. I do not feel ready. We only went three times. When the time
comes, I know. Be patient with me, please." Damian whispered in his ear: "Come on,
sweetheart, you know you want. I like you the truth. For me, this is the time. I just want
to know you better. I never felt this for someone else."
Erika, meanwhile, moved away. "No, Damian ... sorry ... but I do not want. I really like
you, but I am not prepared."
Damian was crestfallen. "Because ... I thought that you feel for me what I feel for you.
But I see that I am completely wrong ..." It seemed so upset that Erika could not avoid a
sense of shame. "No, Damian, I like you. I just need a little more time ..."
Damian shook his head, sad. "No, Erika, it is clear that you do not feel for me what I feel
for you. I thought that things were going well between us. I was a complete idiot. I regret.
We forget that this happened." And got the key to the car to start the engine. Erika was
increasingly upset. "No, Damian, look, I think you're a great guy and I spend more time
with you."
But Erika, I love you, and it is natural for a man wanting to express love physically. But
if you do not feel the same, then it is better to give people a longer time while I'm not too
concerned ... I'm sorry, but that is how I feel. I have hurt before ... "
Erika Damian just having sex with that night. And their relationship lasted two weeks.
Here, Damian was the blackmailer, Erika was the victim and sex, the requirement. He
knew exactly what were the weaknesses of the Erika and struck without mercy. Women
hate men see emotionally disturbed, that awakens their maternal instincts and desire to
help them get rid of pain. Used to see men as strong and infallible creatures, women are
deeply shaken when they see a man collapse. When Damian subtly accused it of not
liking him, though no longer absolutely clear that he liked her. Erika began to feel that
perhaps the only way to convince you were agreeing to have sex.
Finally, Damian left implicit threat "that was ready to end the relationship if you do not
get what they want.

If I had said so directly, it would not have reacted as reacted. But when he said that does
not support the idea of being hurt again, she stopped resisting and was blackmailing left
to do something not wanted. This leaves the way open for Damian to want sex all the
time you see.
A relationship that starts well is doomed to failure. As expected that two people build a
relationship of respect and mutual trust based on the manipulation? The emotional
blackmail is not destroyed immediately combated.

Common tactics of blackmail emotional

The practice of emotional blackmail may be lovers, husbands or wives, children, parents,
parents or friends. Sometimes employers can be. The emotional blackmail rife in families
and is a practice that is transmitted from generation to generation.
Here are some of the threats or punishment typical of the emotional blackmail that it may
sound familiar:
Parents: "After everything I did for you." "I will disinherit you." "Why are you doing this
to me? You are blood of my blood!"
Husbands / wives: "I can not believe you're so selfish!" "You do not love me." "If you
love me, do it for me."
Ex-partners: "I will lead you to stick to family., You will never see the children." "I will
leave you without a penny." "When we fuck, I always hated."
Lovers: "Everybody does. What's wrong with you?" "This is what people who love to do
some the other." "Of course you do not love me. It is better if we separate." Children:
"All the other parents do this for their children. This is the guy they like most of the
children you love me." "I though - I have been adopted." "You like more of my sister
than me."
In-laws: "I leave everything to a charity." "If you do not take care of me, I get sick and
end up in hospital" "Do not worry about me - I am old and will die soon."
Friends: "If the need were you, I would have done it for you." "I never thought I would
disappoint me so much." "I always did everything for you. But look how you treat me
when I need."
Employers: "You are only making things more difficult for their coworkers. They must
take the consequences." "Make sure your name is never a list of deals." "Do not you have
to me and a little company loyalty?"
Employees: "If you say goodbye, you will need a good lawyer." "I'm sure the press will
like to know that." "You've heard of sexual harassment?"
What the blackmailer is saying is: "If you do not behave the way I want, will suffer the
Children learn early that the emo-tional blackmail are a way to get what they want -
particularmen when you live in a family where parents use blackmail. How children feel
relatively powerless because of their age and size, blackmail seems to be the most
effective and easy to get what they want.

Case study: Julia

The more grown less if the children of Julia had to go visit Uncle John, who was sick.
Julia felt guilty for that. Every time I visited the uncle, he asked the children and she felt
obliged to lie, saying they were on a tour of the school, or busy with their tasks from
home, or in any particular activity that kept distant.
"Look, he is getting old and I do not know how long it will live," she told them. "He is
alone and wants to see you. You do not remember what he did for you when you were
small? Mimava account and would take you two. I never had money, but spent
everything I had with you."
But, indifferent to the arguments of the mother, the children of Julia also blackmail. "But
mother, he does not listen to what people say, he is completely deaf," argued Bemard of
fifteen years. "And there is very flat in his house. It has nothing to do. I can never go out
with my friends. Do not I deserve a little fun? You do not want me to be sad, do you?"
Katie, of sixteen years, was also a specialist in blackmail. "Oh, mother," she said, "you
know that we have a lot of home for duty to do. You want us to be disapproved, I would
go with you today, but I have this great work of geography to . Note that I have ne-le vai
from the final average. If I do not do well, my situation may be difficult. In addition, you
should not be doing your heart with us. It is not fair. We do not want to go. End of story.
The children can master the art of manipulation. Parents who routinely try to blackmail
your children must be prepared to see the spell turned against the magician.
In this scenario, Julia felt powerless and trying to exercise a moral and emotional
pressure on children. Instead of arguing with them calmly and coolly, or simply instruct
them to do what felt right, she used the emotional blackmail. The children then did
exactly the same, because they had already learned the game.
Adults who use emotional blackmail create children who are even better in practice.

One day we were watching a street artist in London. At the end of their number, he
turned to the group of children that applauded, bewitched, and shouted, "Hey, kids! If
your parents did not give a pound to put on my hat, you do not like you!" Did eighteen
The more a person is allowed to emotional blackmail, the more it will take a standard in
the future of their relationships. The closer the relationship, the greater the sense of guilt,
and guilt is the most powerful weapon of blackmail.

Case study: Stephen

Stephen was five years ago married Camila when they separated amicably. Well ..
Stephen thought it was an amicable separation. Camila, but had agreed to the separation
at the time, never really believed he would remain firm in that position. She simply
believed that after one or two weeks alone, he begged to go home.
Stephen did not. Camila secretly believed that he could never hit the step and sooner or
later would see how his life was empty without her. But there appeared another woman.
Camila was mad with rage. Began to call his mother, asking for news. She knew his
mother liked her as a daughter and had been razed to the separation. But when Stephen's
mother began to talk about his new wife, Camila is angry. Stephen began to call for more
problems in the hours, day and night, saying it had made a big mistake and would like to
meet with him to talk.
Reluctant, agreed to is Stephen. Camila was well-humored, attractive and loving - just
like when they met. But Stephen had changed. Camila still enjoyed and felt affection for
her, but had no more emotional ties. He heard about the lack that he did, but said he felt
very, which had met someone else and that I would be happy Camila too.
But Camila is not complied. Phone begging for him to come visit her, crying and saying
that his life had been finished without him. He felt powerless in the face of her tears.
Tried in vain to comfort her. Then she called saying that he would be killed.
Stephen did not know which direction to take. Luckily, his new girlfriend, Chrissie, saw
what was happening and was in charge of the problem. Convince the mother of Stephen's
family to seek Camila to tell them he was concerned about the state of it and ask them to
give him attention. Then Stephen encouraged to write a letter to Camila saying you felt
very strongly that, but everything was finished. There was no chance of him returning to
Like most women, Chrissie was able to understand the emotional blackmail of Camila
and I knew that Stephen was the innocent victim. The quick action of Chrissie prevented
that Stephen was caught in the trap of a relationship that he wanted more. Chrissie is not
involved, he may return to Camila therefore been very frightened with the threat of
suicide, thinking that would be responsible. Stephen simply had not noticed that Camila
was deliberately using the emotional blackmail to have him back and had no real
intention to kill.
Chrissie and Stephen were married the following year. Camila still regularly visiting his
mother and talking about the "good times" of his relationship with Stephen, but nobody
gives it much importance. Everyone felt sorry for her,
but would like it to be ahead and build for themselves a new life.
The fault places the victim under great pressure. Nobody likes a cynical take on another
person, but it is important to remain firm in what you want. Stephen was convinced from
the outset that no-that would return to Camila, and should have left it clear. The men are
not accustomed to dealing with their emotions and do not much idea of how women deal
with emotion.
Men like to direct discussions and arguments about which is the best time, which political
party is the best policy to govern the country, which produces a beer hangover less angry.
Men deal with facts, figures and concrete realities. When other people - mostly women -
faced with the emotions, the majority simply does not support. Women know this and use
for their own benefit. Men can be tyrants too emotional to get what they want, but this
tactic works better when their women are kind of sensitive and quiet, is used to refer to
male rulers.

Case study: Irene

Irene was a wonderful character. It was quiet and generous, was concerned with people,
never putting their needs above the needs of others. It was a happy and loyal person, but
used to refer to the demands of others and left to state their wishes only to keep the peace.
Bob, her husband was very demanding and jealous, and I m always done that on your
One day, Bob announced the desire to buy a new boat, because the old was exceeded.
Been researching and said he could buy exactly the boat I wanted at a reasonable price.
When Irene knew the price, almost fainted. "We can not buy it now. We just pay the
enrollment of children and you promised I could buy a new car at the end of the month -
mine is a broad-old who lives breach." Bob was naughty. "Here you come again thinking
only in yourself," he said. "I, me, me, you only think of you. Will never passes through
your head that I have my needs, I work hard the entire month to earn money to support
this family. I am stressed all the time and my fishing to Saturday is the only opportunity I
have to relax. " Bob made a bad pass Irene piece in the three following days. Exhausted,
she decided to try a line: "Bob, I was thinking about the boat, and who knows if I bought
a smaller car, used, and you postpone the purchase of new boat for a year, we could have
both. "
Bob does not move: "No. In a year the boat will be more expensive and also is a good
idea to buy a boat this summer. We spend more time with the kids, because they will be
able to do water skiing. We must give a fun for the kids on weekends, but they will end
up having problems. "
Irene was crazy. "But Bob, we can not buy the boat now. There are many things we do at
home." Bob remained insensitive. "I do not believe what I hear, Irene," he said with a
voice increasingly angry. "Do not you think the children? It is you who always cares to
know where they are and what they are doing, I never imagined that one day you would
deprive them of spending the weekends with us, all together as a family . They also need
that boat! " After two days of tension, Irene has supported more than one situation. She
knew that Bob could drag it forever and the boys were increasingly distressed with the
tension in the house. Finally, Irene discovered a solution. Return to work full-time and
everything would be fine. Bob bought his boat - and now he wants to a berth in the
marina. He knows it will, it will use the same tactic again. Irene was the victim of
blackmail, as anyone who receives a demand for ransom or a direct threat. The essential
ingredients of the criminal and emotional blackmail are exactly the same.
The victim: The sense of obligation to his family, his love for children and their desire to
maintain a happy home were the vulnerabilities of Irene.
The blackmailer: Bob knew all the secrets and feelings of Irene and know their weak
points. The requirement: that Irene agreed to purchase a new boat.
The threat: the guilt of contributing to the deteriorating health of her husband, to allow
the children fell into bad company because of the husband was being selfish, and extend-
ing the tension in the house.
The resistance: the attempts to Irene to demonstrate that the requirement of Bob was not
practical, and offer an alternative.
The submission: Irene just giving.
Continuation: the recurrence of the tactics of blackmail on the part of Bob for the
anchorage and the marina in other situations, they knew it would work. The emotional
blackmail destroys the self-image of victim. If they give in to blackmail, it will gradually
lose the self and will be forever deprived of the ability to assert itself. Be ravaged by
insecurity, the fear and guilt, which allows the blackmailer making new demands,
increasingly unfair

How to deal with an emotional blackmailer

People who practice emotional blackmail often strong opinion and resolution u s. But
while giving the impression of knowing exactly what they want and are prepared to do
what is necessary to get him, this is rarely true.
Blackmailer usually nothing more than false Roughnecks. His self-image is poor and
does not support the rejection. Why can not argue with the objective to discuss the
situation and negotiate their options, and have a desperate fear of losing what they
already have. Usually accuse their victims of being selfish, egocentric and without
feelings - all of them character-specific. In many ways, they look like rude children.
Make its demand and, if she is not satisfied. imme-diately, have an attack of anger.
Whenever father and mother give to an attack of anger of the children are planting the
seeds of an emotional blackmailer.

Never forget - are like emotional blackmail fanfarrões

children and rude and should be treated as such.

If you think you are a victim of emotional blackmail, it is important to consider in

deciding whether to agree with it or will do something about it. People always treat us the
way we allow them to handle. If you are a victim, because it enabled. But the behavior of
the blackmailer, which was built in the course of time, can be modified over time. This
change of behavior requires persistence, patience and a firm purpose, that is, you have to
prepare for a battle long and hard.
The first thing to bear in mind is that the blackmailer need your agreement to something.
Therefore, in reality it is you who has the mastery of the situation. Without their
agreement, the blackmailer feel powerless. The only way you lose that power is showing
weakness. Do not ask the blackmailer to reduce its demand and, in any way accepted any
portion of blame for the situation. Do not try to understand how you feel the blackmailer.
Remember: you are being the victim of blackmail and that what matters is how you are
feeling. Never attempt to counter-blackmail.
When the demands, threats and accusations of a blackmailer to start well, it is essential
that you have a stock of ready answers. Maybe they did not occur naturally, then practice
them until they become part of you.

What can you tell a blackmailer

- "Well, the choice is yours."
- "I regret that you feel as you prefer."
- "Obviously you are angry, but we will discuss the issue when you calm down."
- "I see you are not satisfied, but that is how things are."
- "I think we need to think much about it. We on this later."
- "I see things in a different way."
- "You're obviously disappointed, but at this point there is no negotiation."

The refusal to show weakness or immediately negotiate almost always produces a period
of silence or the petulance blackmailer. Beware, it is usually then that the victim assigns.
The situation must be resolved - but only if the blackmailer is ready to discuss the
problem in a civilized and rational. During this period of silence the blackmailer, respond
with silence, because anything you say will not be able to it. Just say: "When you want to
talk, I'm available" And stand away.

Avoid countered with threats, insults or attack the vulnerabilities of the blackmailer.

The blackmailer feel helpless and hopeless before the: USA, but you still need to save the
appearances, speak of 'his good qualities, knowing that the goal is just to give you some
relief. Reaching a compromise, setting its borders and keep it firmly within them. If the
blackmailer demand make you feel uncomfortable, do not argue, quit the conversation
civilized and go.

Do not fight or argue with the blackmailer - train him.

With such a strategy, you can modify the behavior of the blackmailer. Blackmailer meet
people who do not retreat.

When the blackmailer is also in the dark Sometimes the blackmailer is not aware of what
is doing. A South African journalist Charlene Smith wrote a wonderful book about the
night he was raped at home and helped the authorities to prosecute their abusers. At that
time, South Africa had the highest rate of rape in the world: one for each 26 seconds. The
rape was the biggest taboo in the country, and few people, especially 'the victims had the
courage to talk about what was happening.
In his book, Charlene speaks of the terrible effect that the episode caused it, how it
emerged and strengthened further as it became a reference for many other women who
went by the same trauma. But one that tried did not get its support. After being raped, the
woman left the university, demanded that her husband bought a house in another place
and left to care for three children and the house. The children cared for themselves, the
house was leaving her husband and, stricken by the frustration felt unable to help her to
recover. When contacting Charlene, she was amazed with the reaction of the writer.
Charlene said bluntly that she was using the emotional blackmail to make the family
suffer as she had suffered. "The addiction of Mary autopiedade made a slave of his
attackers," said Charlene in Proud of Me (proud of me). "She was playing the abusive
behavior of their abusers ment of another way. The attacks of them were obvious, as the
blows that she applied to his family were much more deadly, though not visible to the
naked eye."

The victim may be, unconsciously,

passed the consequences of emotional blackmail to other family members and friends.

It is very likely that this woman had no awareness of emotional blackmail to be doing
with your famI1ia. It was easy to fall into the role of blackmail, especially her husband
and children because they felt unable to protest and resist. They were prisoners of a sense
of guilt for rape. And if the husband had stayed at home that night? And if the children
had not left? Perhaps the rape had not happened. The fault is usually the most powerful
weapon of the arsenal of the blackmailer. It paralyzes the victim.
In these circumstances it is much better for the victims of blackmail out under domestic
and seek help. You can request the support of a friend of women's confidence or call a
good adviser, 'psychologist or psychotherapist. Sometimes it is necessary to use someone
who is outside the sphere of emotional blackmail, free from emotional, to help break the
vicious circle of self and autopiedade.

When your heart becomes a life sentence

When you are first subject to threats of emotional blackmail, initiating a vicious cycle
that becomes increasingly difficult to hold. In the limit, the blackmailer can ruin the
victim emotionally, psychologically and financially.
A well known to our family by the groom was troubled to \ join him in a business
transaction. He begged her to be his guarantor in a loan to purchase a car to work
because, as I said, I had enough credit. Initially, she resisted. "But why not," he said. "We
are talking about spending the rest of our lives together. If you do not trust me to make a
simple loan, perhaps best finish all at once now!
The discussion was dragged for weeks. "If you really love me, do this simple thing for
me," he said. "I'm not asking just for me. I am asking for both of us, for our future." He
used the phrase "After all we spent together, that's the least I can wait" as a weapon to
finally oblige it to accept. In the end, blind with love and afraid to lose him, she agreed to
sign your name on the dotted line. Later, when he discovered that he was an incorrigible
liar, an incompetent who could not stop two weeks in the same job, and asked that money
in the God-given and everyone was too late.
Why give the blackmailer, she ended up drowned in debt, still paying, service by service.
As the groom, but was long ago. And what is more sad, now she suspects of every man
that approaches.

The threat of losing the love of women is easy prey to blackmail.

Parents also can inflict lasting scars on their children. How many parents pushing their
children - are authentic and often subtle emotional blackmail - that they follow certain
careers, with no regard for specific talent or the desire of the child. Yielding to emotional
blackmail, the child will feel forever prisoner and felt with his parents.
With the children, the emotional blackmail tends to vary. Everyone has heard of women
who, by sense of duty, abandoned the happiness of parents to care for elderly and
debilitated, but firmly resolved to fill them with guilt when they were thinking about
leaving them to build their own lives.
The emotional blackmail, wherever it occurs, is always per-versa. Anyone who has ever
been in the role of victim may be imprisoned the rest of your life and see all the missed
chances to find happiness, love and joy of living a life without guilt. So if after reading
these stories you recognized the role of victim and cry so that she knows the reason. But
it is never too late to change the situation.
Chapter 4

How to ruin a man of the week

For the rest of the world, and Mark Kelly led a perfect life. Mark had a very good job,
lived in a lovely house, their three children were happy and well adjusted, and every year
spend holidays abroad.
Between four walls, however, their relationship was problematic. While love, were
confused, desperate and afflicted with constant fights. Kelly always seemed boring and
Mark was perplexed, not understanding what happened.
The problem was that Mark, like most men, was not the slightest idea that Kelly wore a
special female scores to rate their marriage.
One night when the issue arose of legal separation, both agreed to consult a therapist for
couples. Es-Kelly was happy to go to a therapist. Mark agreed, but in their hearts they
thought things should resolve themselves. Here's what they said to the therapist:
Kelly: "Mark is hooked on work. Forget about me and the children and never do anything
for us. It is as if not existíssemos. We work, work and work, and we were at the end of
their list of priorities. I am tired of being mother and father to our children. I need a man I
want, to take care of me and that part of family life that I need without being charged. "
Mark (surprised): "I can not believe what I hear, Kelly ... What do you mean with 'I do
not take care of you or the children? See our wonderful house, the clothes and jewelry
you USA, the excellent school for children ... all this I offer to you and them! Yes, I work
hard, but so that people can live well and have everything you want. I drain the family to
work for the week full and you are never satisfied, you still complaining ... "
Kelly (angry): "You can not even understand, is not Mark? And I think I will never
understand, I do everything for you. Wash, step, cook, organize your life and take care of
our family ... And all you do is work. When was the last time you emptied the machine to
wash dishes for me? Do you know a place to wash dishes? Tell me when was the last
time you took me out to dinner. Tell me when was the last time you said you loved me ...
Mark (shocked): "Kelly ... you know I love you ..."
Most men absolutely do not realize that
women maintain a system for scoring the performance of its general partner. The men,
most at least, not know the existence of that system and may be disapproved without ever
coming to understand that it is wrong. The number of points that man accumulates with
his partner directly affects the quality of your life. Women are not aware of this process,
but the place inexorably. When a man and a woman decide to live together, in general do
not discuss the last details of the contribution of each of the relationship. Both calculate
that the other will continue giving what is already giving that behave the same way as
their parents, or that fits the stereotypes of marriage that everyone knows.

The men see only the general framework Men prefer to be watching the "framework" of
together and giving a small number of large contributions from that tangle with a number
of contributions that appear less and less important. For example, man can not have the
custom to give his partner often, but when it does, it just something great. The female
brain, in turn, is structured to fine tune, why women take a variety of small decisions
about the intricate aspects of a relationship practice. While unconscious, the woman gives
points to every thing we do in the partner relationship, no matter the size.
If a man buys a rose for your partner, for example, it gives you a point. If he gives you a
bouquet of six roses, she continues giving only one point. But if he buys a rose every
week for six weeks, then won six points. A single rose is clearly intended for her, while a
dozen roses can be interpreted as decoration for the house. Regularly present shows with
a single rose that is always in the forefront in his mind.
Similarly, if the man paints the house, gets a point collects his laundry or says he loves
the woman, also wins a point. In other words, the points are allocated by the number of
shares held, not by size, quality or the result of a single action. If he buys her a new car or
a diamond ring of your dreams, you will certainly score more. But 95% of all points
awarded in a relationship are the things that happen or stop happening every day. It really
is that women feel and think.

The woman gives a point for this action or, regardless of size.
If the man also had a point system,
allocate points according to the size of the action or the present.

In general, men are not the slightest idea that women attribute points in the relationship.
They simply do what they do and never think to maintain a system of scoring. This
difference is the cause of many misunderstandings between men and women.
Women keep lasting memories that accumulate points for years. They are still doing
things for the man because they believe in the end, the score-draw will do. And suppose,
secretly, that your partner will thank and support them retribuirão.

The woman keeps the score and never forget.

the man is not knowing when the relationship is tie the score. A woman can let it get to
30 to 1 before starting to complain. Then the man she accuses of not doing anything, and
he is surprised and upset with their accusations. He was not the slightest idea of the
existence of a problem because it also maintained a system, it would reach this point.
When he thought that the score was 3 to 1, had complained of being too giving and
require that the score was tied.
If a man keep a score, would find that the more important the larger the share or more
points this should be allocated. For him, working five days a week is worth at least thirty
points, but the point of view it is only five - one for each day of work. As most women
know, men always thought it is paper size.
To the woman that matters is not size, is the frequency.

Our experience with Brian Brian and Lorraine was a financial operator who worked long
hours visiting client's building and your business. His wife, Lorraine, took the house and
cared for their two children. Both are described as a happy couple, normal. We then ask
that they meet every day, for thirty days, a car-so score of the contributions that have
believed in that relationship and estimate the score that thought should receive the other.
One point was assigned for each of the small-contribution and a maximum of thirty
points for a major contribution to the relationship. They had also to record points lost by
irritating things that your partner do. During this period could not discuss among
themselves or how or when the points were allocated, or that the activities had generated.
We present below a summary of the partial results after thirty days. You may notice that
none of them reported many negative points. We suspect that this is due to two reasons:
couples who live together have a tendency to ignore the negative points or relieve the
other, and when doing a test like this tend to have good behavior.

This list indicates several things: first, because the brain spatially oriented, men give
more points than women to work physically and spatially linked. For example, Brian was
five points by helping the child to assemble an aircraft, which for Lorraine earned only
one point. For him, this was a difficult task, which required skill, and he was proud of
what he has done, for it was only a joke. The woman usually gives to man a single point
for each task home run. She tends to put more points for small tasks, personal and
intimate than the big tasks. For example, when Brian praised by Lorraine she prepared a
dinner some night, she gave him three points, but he was not aware that there were some
marked. In see-ment, he is not remembered for having done the praise and not to put it in
your list. Not that I have forgotten, is that it never happened that the head of the woman
praising the food could render points. When bought flowers, chocolates and champagne
for her, thought it would at least ten points - a third of your score staff to work five days a
week - because they cost dearly, but she only gave him four points. Brian won important
points by small actions such as "give me his coat because I was cold," without realizing
that this small action to surrender points. He just thought it was "taking care of it."

Why not try to change position tonight? ", He asked.

"Good idea!", She said. "You go to the sink and I am dropping puns on the couch."

Brian thought that the more work in the office, the more points scored, but working
overtime in fact meant he had less time to stay at home doing small things, and therefore
lost points. He thought he was earning extra money for a better life and that she admired
for that. In fact, she thought he care more for work than for her. Working late worth five
points per night in his opinion, but only gave him a Lorraine. If he had called to say that I
loved her and miss her, and call again when you arrive, mark at least three points. Like
most men, Brian ignored the fact that small things mean a lot to women, despite having
often heard his mother and his grandmother say that.

The monthly score of Lorraine

The list of personal activities of Lorraine was four times longer than Brian. She described
every detail
their activities, giving the majority of them a low score. Aspirate the carpet, shopping,
watering the plants, go to the bank, take care of dogs, pay bills, send birthday cards, plan
family events, to bath the children, reading, pa-ra them and discipline them worth one
point each. Repetitive activities such as collecting the dirty clothes and wet towels on the
floor, wash the laundry, cooking and making beds all worth one point each by the time
she performed. Brian never becomes a routine of Lorraine, for being at work all the time,
so that gave him an overall score for their efforts - thirty points, giving the same to you to
work fifty hours a week. Lorraine won three points for massage the back of Brian one
night, and twenty times in the two points that took the initiative in sex.

"I'm not morose, but I get reminded all the time,

but he never does what it has to do. "

Complaints of Brian concerned things that Lorraine did or failed to do for him, while
Lorraine is re-hurt the performance of Brian in public. These lists also show that when
the man and woman having sex or not, the resentment generated is the same on both
At the end of the experience, Brian had given a weekly average of 62 points given to
Lorraine and an average score of 60 points. He felt happy with the fact that scores of the
relationship is very balanced. Lorraine was granted an average of 78 points, but Brian has
a weekly average of only 48 points.

The reactions of Brian and Lorraine

The weekly score of 30 points less to Brian explained that ants within a resentment of
Lorraine from the previous year. Brian was devastated with the result. He acted as if
everything was perfect in the relationship and was not the slightest idea of how Lorraine
felt, for the simple reason that she never said anything about it. Lorraine He felt a little
distant from the birth of last child, a year before, but thought perhaps the stress of the
many things she had to do. Therefore, to make more money and give more comfort to the
family, he began working late.
To Brian and Lorraine, that experience was a chance to open eyes. What started almost as
a diversion to see how men and women attach points revealed a potentially disastrous
situation. Lorraine stayed at home feeling aggrieved and resentful, and Brian was
working late, thinking he was doing what she wanted him to do.
The solution for the woman

The woman must accept that the male brain is programmed to take care of the general
framework and that the man believes that mark more points doing big things. So she will
not be resentful if the score is tie for him. It should also encourage the man to take small
gestures like that, and reward him for that.

All men are equal.

Only the guys that are different for us to distinguish one from another.

Marilyn Monroe

Men are not programmed to offer help, support or advice, unless someone specifically the
piece. From a man, give unsolicited advice is to say that the other person is incompetent.
That is how things work in the male world - people expect you to play. If you do not ask,
do they think there is no problem and that the relationship is going well:
The men have a short memory. They forget the good things that you did the previous
week, but forget also the positive things you did for them. Women always remember.

The solution for men

The woman not only to the point, it accumulates during the long periods and never forget.
She is able to refuse to have sex now because you yelled at her two months before. If the
woman you think the score is for the partner, is unlikely to say. If you think that is
against, becomes distant and angry and the couple's love life begins to wither. If this
happens, the man has to ask what she wants him to do. Remember that a woman gives a
point for each activity that executes man and a score more by small things that involve
emotional support. Giving flowers, praise him the look, put things in place to help in the
kitchen and use halitol account both, sometimes more, as the salary to bring home or
paint the room. That does not mean that man should work less. But if he is aware of the
importance that your partner gives small things and try to do them, their quality of life
will have a better extra-ordinary.

Take the test now

The most effective solution is to maintain a permanent communication as sincere as

possible. If the communication between partners is always the intention to adjust the
relationship and ensure mutual harmony - rather than a pure exchange of accusations, if
each one is available to hear the honesty of the other reasons, to meet you and understand
- it better, the partnership is intended to be a source of joy, happiness.
We offer the test as a tool to encourage dialogue. Along with his partner, and record
scores for ten days all contributions to the relationship, just as did Brian and Lorraine.
After evaluating the results, you can use the test as a guide that brings you the happiness
you want. A difference in score of less than 15% shows a very balanced relationship, in
which none of them feel resentful or used. A difference of 15-30% shows disagreements
sufficient to cause ten-sion, and more than 30% means that someone feels unhappy in the
The partner with the score needs to balance the negative contribution, doing things that
(a) partner (a) assesses to equal the score and reduce the tension.


It is understood as the measures the other things, to bring up what he values, and show
the things that give you more pleasure. The scoring system used by the opposite sex is
not better nor worse than his, is just different. Women understand that, but most men
know not.

When asked to Brian and Lorraine as part of the experience, Lorraine immediately
understood what we wanted. Brian's answer was "Huh? Score? What is this?". Like most
men, he even knew that women had a score.
Make the test scores from time to time to ensure that the scoring is balanced. When there
is a change of situation - a new child, purchasing a home, financial situation better or
worse - the score can vary and things are irrelevant in a specific context to acquire
another value. Above all, use the test to keep the dialogue essential to any relationship
that want to grow up happy.
Chapter 5


After the success of Why Men and Women Have Sex Make Love ", received numerous
letters and emails from women that I asked more about the differences between the sexes.
Here are the seven most frequently asked questions:
1. Why men never know anything about the life of your friends?
2. Why do men avoid commitment? 3. Why do men feel the need to always be with
4. Why both men are interested in "toys for boys"?
5. Why men can only do one thing at a time?
6. Why are men so by sports fanatics?
7. About what men talk in the bathroom?

The problem of women is that they try to analyze the behavior of men from a female and
are quite disconcerted. The truth is that men are not illogical, as they often think. They
just work differently for women.

Why men never know anything about the life of your friends?

Julian Ralph did not see a year ago, and decided to spend the day there playing golf
together. When Julian came home at night, his wife Hannah was eager to learn how it
was: Hannah: "So how was your day?"
Julian: "It was good."
Hannah: "How is Ralph?"
Julian: "Fine."
Hannah: "And how is his wife after a week in hospital?"
Julian: "I do not know - he said."
Hannah: "He did not say? You mean not asked?" Julian: "Well, no, but if there was a
problem, for sure he would have told me."
Hannah: "So ... how will his newly married daughter?" Julian: "Well ... he did not say
anything ..."
Hannah: "His mother is still doing chemotherapy?"
Julian ... not sure ... "

And so it was. Julian knew how many strokes each had, remember the problem in the
bunker, the hole-in-one that he almost succeeds, but knew virtually nothing about the es-
poses, the children and family of Ralph. Was aware of the struggle of Ralph with the
camera site because of its real estate projects, the last trip abroad that he had to close a
deal, and knew the make and year of car that Ralph was thinking of buying. But I did not
know anything more about the girl child who lived in Bangkok, or that of his brother
Ralph had a diagnosis of Parkinson's disease, or that his wife was elected Citizen of the
Year by the local community. He had, however, a brand new repertoire of great jokes.

The man knows all the jokes that his friend told him,
but does not know that he separated the women.

When the man comes out for drinks with friends after work, women are invariably
surprised by the fact he go home without knowing anything about the personal life of
anyone. This is because a drink with friends is just another way to look at the fire. Men
can spend hours together, fishing, playing golf, playing cards or watching football, not to
mention much. When talk is about facts - the results, solutions or answers to questions -
or to share information about things and processes. Rarely talk about people and their
emotions. The male brain is fully dedicated to the "end-mind", and generally does not
bind on feelings and emotions.
A study by the University of Leeds investigated the reasons why men go to the bars after

Why men go for a drink?

- To drink alcohol - 9.5%.
- To find women - 5.5%.
- To relieve the stress - 85%.
Men relieve stress releasing the brain to think of something else. No need to talk if there
is no will.

When a man is not talking with friends and it does not mean that they fought;
is because he is watching the fire.

The men did not expect that men talk much and never insist on talking. When a man is
watching the fire with a drink in hand, the other to understand intuitively and leave
quietly. Nobody says: "Tell me co me was the day ... Who was that you found ... How
they were?" When you talk, people talk about work, sports, cars and women. Speak one
at a time because their brains are organized to or speak or hear. Unlike women, they can
not do both at the same time.


The man does not understand why the woman wants to know every detail of the lives of
their friends and acquaintances. Imagine that the friends he wanted to know something,
say. It is not lack of interest in friends, but, as I said, the only circumstance in which a
man talks to another about personal matters is when you have a problem that can not
resolve. Then, as a last resort, he asked council to a friend.
So if you want information about health, career, relationships or the whereabouts of
family members or people in your social circle, do not expect that men give the answers.
Ask women.

Why do men avoid commitment?

Commitment: verb, female: I want to marry and form a family, verb, male: not crush
other women when in the street with his wife or girlfriend

Case Study: Geoff and Sally

Jodie thought Geoff and Sally would make a beautiful couple and arranged a meeting for
them to meet. The two had a great night and exchanged phone numbers and is combined
again. The next day, Sally called for Jodie and thanked for having made them, saying he
had really liked Geoff and I know him better. That night, Geoff also called for Jodie to
say the same as Sally.
When Geoff hung, Jodie called immediately and told Sally to what Geoff said, it was the
signal for Sally that it would start a relationship with Geoff. The following week, so she
invited him to go to the beach and then dinner. Geoff accepted with joy. They left in the
three weeks following the end of the film and were one or two times every week. For
Sally, the time spent together indicated that they now had a connection. Despite never
having talked about a unique relationship, she was not seeing anyone else.

The story of Geoff

A month had happened, but Geoff was not the slightest idea that they had a special
connection because it had never been spoken. That is how things work in the male brain.
Men do not understand the concept of relationship the same way as women.
Then Geoff decided to invite Mary to the birthday party of his best friend. Mary was the
lifeblood of any meeting - a really fun person - and months that he was not the route.
They are very fun at the party when he saw Jodie Geoff. Approached it and presented it
to Mary. Jodie seemed a little cold, and Geoff realized that she did not like Mary. That
left him confused, because Mary was a fun person, whom everyone liked. But left the
matter there.

The story of Jodie

Jodie was shocked by Geoff not have asked for Sally: party but a "piranha faladeira"
called Mary. Then.
thought, rather than be given by Sally gossip, she should immediately tell. As was
expected, Sally is cut into tears because he thought that she and Geoff were going very
well. Geoff called and asked for that he would see her that same night. He realized that
there was something wrong but had no idea of what could be.
Cards on the table

Geoff was eager to review Sally, wishing that she had prepared his favorite dish. But
when Sally opened the door, saw that she had been crying and I was bored with it. "How
could you do this to me?" She whimper, "... and then in front of our friends How long are
you going with it? You like it? Sleep with her? Me responds!" Geoff was not believed in
listening. Was speechless.
He spent the following three hours trying to explain the problem with Sally. He had never
previously aware that they were only a couple - think Sally went with other guys, not
only with him. It was the first time spoke about his feelings realized they were going in
completely different directions.
Sally wanted a compromise with Geoff. But Geoff was not ready to take it. Wanted their
freedom. So they decided to remain friends but that would not further to bed ... well, it
was decided that Sally. Geoff felt she should be in the TPM and the weekend that the
crisis had passed.
Women often admire that men may have an almost religious feeling with a soccer team,
but they are rarely willing to invest the same amount of emotional energy in a
relationship with them.
The man is able to hide their emotions and feelings of the woman he loves, but is visibly
emotional and passionate when your team plays, especially when it lost.
How can he be so stubbornly loyal and devoted to a bunch of players flustered and not
necessarily bright, he does not know which are not there with him and not show or a tenth
of that devotion to her? During almost the entire time of existence of the human race, the
males are polygamous for the sake of survival. There was little to offer because many
men died in hunting and war. Was reasonable, therefore, that the survivors adopt the
widows in their haréns, which also increased the chance they could pass their genes.
From the survival of the species, made sense that a male had ten or twenty females, but
had no sense that a female had ten or twenty males, since it could only birth to a child at a
time. Only 3% of animal species, fox and geese, for example, are monogamous. The
brain of most species, including humans, is not programmed for monogamy. This is why
men delay to the maximum 'commitment to take the woman and are so difficult to
maintain a monogamous relationship. But we differ from other species in the sense that
our brains evolved and developed large frontal lobes that enable us to make decisions
about what we want and we do not want to do. Therefore not argues that unfaithful men
claim that they could not avoid. They had choice. For women, maintaining a commitment
at least until your child is self-sufficient, it is something that is programmed into his

If you want a faithful man,

seek a hospice.
Mae West

The woman believes that she is "out" with a man for some time and none of them are
with other people, because there is a special connection. But for most men, like Geoff,
this is a strange concept. When Sally has complained about "What were you thinking?",
The answer would be: he was not thinking anything.

What most men think

It is a universal custom among the men playing friends saying that the marriage or the
permanent relationship with a woman one of them is a clear sign that the life of the
unfortunate end. "When you undertake, it grabs you by the balls," they laugh. "You can
say goodbye to 90% of your sex life!" And also the warning in general welcome the
singles: "You have to ask permission even to sneeze, because now it is who controls the
handcuffs." In general, men avoid it because they think that compromise the woman will
steal them the freedom and they will end up weak and powerless.
When the man says that commitment means losing freedom, it is difficult to know what
specifically is he talking about freedoms. Pressed to explain, he speaks of freedom to
come and go as you want, not to speak when not to, not have to be accountable for their
actions or justify their behavior, and how many women want to have. At the same time,
however, he wants love, attention and much sex. In short, he wants everything, do not
want to give up anything.
The only way to live life in complete freedom is alone in a desert island, where there are
no rules. Having a relationship is to take driver's license. If you want to go, must learn
and respect the rules of the road - otherwise, will always be a pedestrian. A relationship is
nothing more than a negotiation with rules - if you want love, friendship, sex and
someone to take care of you, you must give something in return. What women want in
return is love, dedication and loyalty. They have not the slightest intention of stealing the
freedom of man.


The idea of establishing an ongoing relationship potentially never passed by the head of
Geoff. When a woman suspects this, she needs to say clearly that the man of her point of
view, they now have a special relationship. There are several ways to do this. If you have
difficulty to speak directly, it can play, saying for example that is happy to prepare a
dinner for him, now they are dating. You can also say how good sex and agree close, now
they are dating. She must learn to be honest and direct, instead of just waiting timidly to
the man understand the situation. Otherwise, the more likely it is that the plug does not
fall, as happened with Geoff. Not only is it men do not know read my mind, is that most
of them is not very sensitive to the state of mind of women. Remember, men have
evolved hunting animals and making war on enemies, and not trying to understand them
or being sensitive to their emotional needs.
Never assume therefore that you are having a special relationship before discussing it
with someone else. Repeat: men can not read minds. A woman should ask what your
partner feels it and wants you to go to the relationship. The man tends to be direct and
make a woman know whether or not a special and unique relationship. To be frank it is a
sign of respect. And respect is what the woman must have by itself, exercising its right to
clarify the situation for two and choosing the type of relationship you want to establish
with your partner. If different from his, to resolve what is best for her.

Why do men feel the need to always be the reason?

To understand this characteristic of modern man, we need to examine their education.

Boys have to be tough, not cry and be good at everything they do. His models are: Super-
Man, Batman, Spider-Man, Zorro, James Bond, all male loners who never complained of
problems but, rather, are always behind solutions. And, of course, rarely fail to fulfill its
task. Some of them had a partner, usually a man less and less important, and very rarely a
woman, when it appeared, was an assistant who had more problems than anything else.
These super-heroes as partners seem to prefer a dog or a horse, because animals are loyal,
reliable, never meet them or say they are wrong. Like most male stereotypes of books and
movies, the heroes of boys rarely make a mistake and never show weakness or emotion.
The comics also depict the macho tough guy as a person endowed with huge muscles and
possessor of a voice rough and deep (much testosterone). The heroin is usually a Barbie
with anatomically impossible breasts.

Married me with Mr. In-a-Ledger.

Not only knew his first name was Always.

When the child reaches adulthood, is conditioned to think that not being able to do
something or solve a problem means to be a failure as a man. That is why, when a woman
asks the man is saying or doing, he reacts defensively, as if she were weakening or
denouncing their incompetence. As we have seen, is what happens when a woman wants
to ask the way, or call a technician to fix the tap. He might not hesitate to give her a book
of recipes for a birthday present, but if the woman gives him a book of this self-help, the
more likely it is that he is offended. You imagine that she is trying to say that it is not so
good way. Go to a seminar on relationships, or a therapist, amounts to a humiliating
admission that he is wrong, and men usually are defensive or aggressive before the mere
suggestion. The man finds hard to say "Sorry" or "sorry" because it is wrong to admit.

Case study: Jackie and Dan

Jackie wanted to stop working and have a son, but Dan felt that they were not financially
prepared. This subject has been a source of major disagreements between the two,
leaving the relationship under huge stress. One day, Jackie announced that Dan had made
contact with a financial adviser to have an accurate assessment of their household
finances. Dan could not believe what was hearing: Jackie wanted someone else to solve
their problems! Obviously, Dan thought, she thought he was not able to do their own
accounts. The differences grew - three months later, they separated.
To seek a financial adviser, Jackie wanted to help Dan, reducing the pressure on him. I
hoped he was happy that it is taking responsibility to look for someone who could work
with him. Dan saw the thing in a way completely different. Their eyes, make it clear that
she thought he was wrong about the household finances and seek counsel to prove he was
incompetent or insufficiently reliable.

the man thinks that women's council to hear

tantamount to hear what is wrong and does not deserve her trust.

He complains of being all the time trying to control it. And is so offended that she begins
to think that perhaps it is really kind of controller.


Since the man in general have these characteristics, the woman should avoid driving to it
in a way that it felt wrong. Instead of saying what he did wrong, should make clear what
she is feeling. For example, instead of saying "You never know the way and we always
come back!", She can say "You're doing fine, dear, but the signs of these streets are very
confusing. I feel better if we stop to ask someone here what is the right entry. " In other
words, instead of blame him, the woman is the problem for you.
When the man hit the woman should welcome it. When he arrives at the destination, it
would be good to say: "Honey, you are the best ways to discover!

You do not trust me?

The most common phrase of men whose actions are challenged by the women is: "You
do not trust me?" When you hear that phrase, you can be sure that insulted the manhood
of man, giving the impression that considers incapable. If he is angry with the neighbor's
dog barking at night, says it will complain and she asks you not to do it, afraid to fight
there, he responds: "You think I am not able to deal with this problem right ? If you are a
party and she warns, saying not to drink too much, he protested: "Do not trust me?" In all
these situations, the answer it is the same: "I was just trying to help!" She thinks is
showing love and concern for him, but he sees trying to say what is wrong and is unable
to solve things yourself.

Why both men are interested in "toys for boys"?

When our friend Gerry made birthday, we'll have to present a paper stapler moved the
battery, the size of a miniature television. Had a transparent plastic box, which left see all
the gears and discs moving inside. It seemed something of a space shuttle exit. He led
three batteries that need to be replaced throughout the week, but all that did was put
staples into sheets of paper - Like any other staples. But Gerry was crazy with joy with
the aparelhinho and said that sometimes when you wake in the morning and through the
stapler on the table, can not resist putting in four or five clips on a sheet of paper, only to
see and hear the movement of the gears. When the visiting friends, the stapler is round,
and all laugh of contentment. Any woman that does not visit a minimum for the stapler.
They all admired to see the excitement of men with a aparelhinho so expensive that only
runs a task beyond the trivial. But it is the male equivalent of the tendency that women
have to pay exorbitant prices for imported teddy bear, just because "... Fofinho was so
that I could not resist."
It is easy to explain why the sexes react so differently to these things. The following
images show the areas of the brain - the parts dark - which are active when a person from
USA spatial skills. The space industry of the brain that is used to estimate speeds, angles
and distances - is the brains of the hunter.
Due to the propensity of the brain space men, men and boys are fanatics for anything that
has buttons, engines or movable components that make sounds, have lights blinking and
the battery is moved. This includes all kinds of video and computer program, portable
GPS devices, motor boats, cars with panels complicated, rifles with telescopic sights
night, nuclear, space and anything that has the remote control. If the washing machines
come with remote control, it is likely that men are interested in to wash the clothes.

Projects Do-You-Even

The whole bunch of products Make-You-Even faces towards the space area of the brain
male. Men love the challenge to build models of sailing vessels, electric trains, aircraft,
mechanical, computer spreadsheets, shelves and anything that has a set of instructions, as
they are indecipherable. Boys are boys from the shops. Men are the agents of cars and
stores equipment and products Make-You-Even where they can find things to do, build or
do work, and thus meet its space needs.
At home, the men's space needs can be frustrating for women because, as the
concentration of the average man has a range of nine minutes, they leave unfinished
projects around the house whole. In general, they do not just fix the broken things, but get
angry when you call someone suggested to complete the work.

Areas of the brain used to play football, drive cars, back up and operate mechanical.
Institute of Psychiatry in London, 2001.
Female Male

Call a fireman without first consulting the man of the house

can be interpreted as a serious insult.

On Saturday afternoon (after the game), the man who refused the help of a firefighter to
repair the defective vessel closes the record and dismantle the facility. Find out what
appears to be a carrapeta spends and goes to the hardware store. It is about 45 minutes
walk by the store, examining all the toys that might have space, tests one or two
mechanical Sanders, try a drill pressure and finally find what appears to be a carrapeta of
appropriate size. Then go home and find that size is not one, but most do not know where
you are carrapeta old. The hardware store has closed and he could not open the
registration until the issue is resolved; portamo, nobody will ever be able to bathe or use
the private sector. If the car makes a strange noise, he raised the hood and will take a
look, though not the slightest idea what you are looking for. Their hope is that it is a
problem to be absolutely clear.
A woman should never call a fireman, builder, financial consultant, technician or any
computer in space qualified man before consulting his own man. Instead, it should tell
you what it considers necessary, ask your opinion and give it a run. Thus, if he is just
calling a fireman, will find that solved the problem myself.

The only difference that exists between men and boys is the price of their toys.

Today most new companies are founded by women, but 99% of all patents - of "toys for
boys" - are recorded by men. There is a lesson here: always give the man a toy of this
spatially related. Never give you flowers and nice cards, because in most cases, these
things mean much less to him

Why men can only do one thing at a time?

In Why Men Have Sex and the Women They Love? Presents a thorough study on why
the male brain is so singularly focused: what it described as "single track". The response
of readers to this issue was so overwhelming that we will summarize it here it again later.
Most women do not understand why men seem able to do only one thing at a time. If a
woman can read while listening or talking, why can not the man? Why he always turns
off the television when the phone rings? Women around the world complain in unison:
"Because he can not hear what I'm saying while reading the newspaper or watching
The reason is that the human brain is compartmentalised and specialized. In simple terms,
it is as if he had salinhas throughout the brain, each with at least one primary function
operates independently of the rest. The cable that connects the right and left hemispheres
of your brain, the corpus callosum, is on average 10% thinner than the female and carries
about 30% fewer connections between the two hemispheres. That is what gives the
approach "one-thing-of-every-time" to everything he does in life.
This concentrated focus allows men to become great experts. Ninety-six. percent of the
technical experts of the world are men - the excellent performance of that natural ability.
Understand that mentality "one-thing-in-every-time" is one of the most important things a
woman can learn about the men. She explains that men lower when the radio or read a
map when they march to the defendant in the car. If he is in clover road and someone
directed him to speak, probably miss the exit. If you are working with a sharp tool and
the phone rings, you run the risk of injury. Seeing the images of the brain of a man who
reads, you will discover that he is almost deaf. Remember: never talk to the man when he
is doing a beard, unless you hurt him! And do not try to resolve any issue while he
attends the TV, even during the commercials.
The man has two times more likely than women
to engage in a car accident while talking on a cell phone.

The woman's brain is configured to perform multiple tasks. As we have seen, most
women can do many things not related to each other at the same time. The brain images
show that the woman's brain never shuts off, even while it is active sleep. This is the
main reason why 96% of personal assistants of the world are women. It is as if the
woman was in some way genetically apparently with the octopus. She is able to talk on
the phone, following a new recipe and watching television at the same time. You can turn
auto-mobile, makeup and to listen to radio as a live-voice speech. But if a man is
following a recipe to prepare a dish and you want to chat with him, you better go outside
The best strategy, if you want a good result free of stress, is always given to man to do
one thing at a time. In business, discuss an issue at a time and adhere to it until all these
men are satisfied with the solution, and then pass to the next question.
And most important, never ask questions to the man during sex.

Why are men so by sports fanatics?

For thousands of years, men caught in groups while women receive food and care of
children. The men ran, chasing, crawling and using their spatial skills to get food.
Between 1800 and 1900 were invented almost all modern sports with ball, the modern
replacement of the activities of hunting. The girls use dolls as a practice of caring for
children and the boys kicked and pursue balls as practice for hunting. As adults, 'f women
swap their dolls for children, but men still kicking balls. In reality, therefore, nothing
much has changed in thousands and thousands of years - even the men hunt and women
also care for children.
As a devoted fan of your soccer team, man may again be a member of a band of hunters.
Seeing their heroes in the field, fantasy that he is giving himself to the mark and kicks
goals. The men are so excited when they watch football because they feel as if they were
playing the game. His brain calculates the speed, the angles and directions of the ball, and
they urram of pleasure when the striker is the goal.

The sports to which man is part of a group of hunters.

They verbally insult the referee (although the referee can not listen to the l) when
disagree with a mark: "You think this is missing? Your asshole You need glasses!" Can
remember the scores, recalled with vivid detail goals in marked departures held for many
years and almost come to tears when discussing what the player should have done and the
result which should have had the game. After that England won the World Cup of 1966
against Germany, there was one man in the country who do not know the color of
escalation of the team, the goals they most marked and tactical errors they committed.
This is a formidable skill, but they still do not know the names of his nieces, nephews,
neighbors and the door or the date on which commemorates the Mother's Day.

Men may be taken by intense emotion when watching sports,

which rarely occurs in their affective relationship.

Drive car is almost entirely a spatial ability. Speeds, angles, moves, changes in motion
and stationary are in motion to reverse the sky of every man. They are so obsessive with
the steering wheel, which can spend hours on end in front of the TV watching other men
guide car race. When watching the struggles of boxing, come to bend and give the
impression of feeling the pain of fighter hit by a low blow.

"My wife told me that if I drop the obsession with my soccer team, she leaves.
I will miss her a lot. "

The world has now become a confusing place for men - their primary brain skills started
to be largely superfluous and the women are attacking from all sides. The men no longer
have any clear model to follow and clear specifications of what is expected of them.
Sport is an activity in which man can feel again a member of a group: there no one
criticizes or tries to modify it, and he feels victorious when your team wins, it does not
happen in your work. This explains why men engaged in activities which are repetitive or
just those who give more importance to sports, conversely, those who consider their work
exciting and rewarding are less interested. It is also why men prefer to buy a new set of
golf clubs than a dining table is very necessary.


If your partner is a sports maniac or a hobby, you have two options. First, get involved.
Learn what it can about the interest and become understood, too. Go with him to an event
and you will be surprised to see the amount of other "widows of the sport" that also
attend and enjoy the social aspects. If you still do not find interesting but want to follow it
is always possible to find other women in the same situation and make new friends. The
second option is to use his obsession for sports as a positive opportunity to be with their
friends, with family, shop or start your own hobby. Do not fight the sport or hobby of
your man. Add to it or use the time to do something positive for yourself.

About what men talk in the bathroom?

We answer the first question male universal: "What women talk together when they go to
a public bathroom?" The answer is: about everything and about everyone. The place
where they are compared with others which have been, discuss the clothes they are
wearing and the other, who are friendly and attractive men, who they like and dislike, and
any personal problem that they or friends are living. While retouch, discuss techniques
and different types of makeup products, cosmetics divided up among themselves and
even with strangers. Any woman who seems distressed receive group therapy ... and God
help the man that the plague! Women sit in the pot and talk with other women through
the wall, asking the odd passing toilet paper under the door, and two women is not
uncommon-they share the same cubicle in order to continue the conversation. A
nightclub in Birmingham, England, came to install booths in the bathroom wider female,
with two vessels in each of health, to more important and profound conversations.

Bathrooms are a network of women in waiting rooms and counseling centers

where you can meet new people and interesting.

Let us return now to the original question: what men talk in public restrooms? The
answer is: nothing. Absolutely nothing. They do not talk. Even among close friends, the
conversation is minimal. Men never talk to strangers in public restrooms. Never, ever
under any circumstances. Do not talk to other men when they are sitting in the pot, and
when urinate, your eyes will never cross. Never. In cabins, men prefer walls of floor to
the ceiling to limit the interaction with neighbors, while women prefer large vain to talk
and move objects from one booth to another. Are rarely hear a fart in a female bathroom,
and when it happens, the culprit is hiding in the cabin to check out. In the men's room if
no one bothers with it.
Here is a letter from one of our readers shows the reason that men of silence that reigns in
the bathroom of men:
"During a trip, put a stop to go to the bathroom. As the first booth was busy, I went to the
second. Scarcely had I sat when I heard a voice coming from the booth next to saying,
'Hey, how are you?" Like any man, I never talk to strange men in bathrooms of post road,
and still do not know what got into me when I decided to respond with a constrained 'All
right! " The other guy said, 'So ... what are you doing? "
I thought: 'How strange ...', but, like an idiot, said:' The same as you ... traveling to the
North! " Oh I heard the guy say, nervous, 'Listen ... I have to call you later, because it has
an idiot in the booth next to answer my questions! "
Men also have a territorial ritual to choose the urinal. If there is a row of five urinals, the
first in
choose in the bathroom farthest from the door, to get away from those who arrive. What
comes then choose which is further away from the first man, and chooses the next which
is midway between the two. The fourth man generally feels better to use the booth to be
standing next to a stranger who can look at it. Men urinate in silence, looking at the front,
and never talk to strangers. Never. The motto of the men is: "Better death than a visual
Chapter 6
His mother

Two women were presented before the r ~ i Solomon dragging a young man proposed
marriage to her two daughters. De-because of the stories they hear, the king decided that
the couple was cut in half so that each stay with their part.
The first woman agreed, but the second said: "No, do not run blood! Let him to marry the
daughter of another woman." The wise king did not hesitate: "The man must marry the
daughter of first wife." "But she wanted to see it cut in two," warned the king's advisers.
"Yes," said Solomon, "this shows that it is the real parents."

The dragon enter the scene

Probably the mother-in-law jokes inspire more than any other category of the planet, and
are always characterized witches co-mo, or simple megeras nosy. It is worth recalling
that Lenin, a founder of modern Russia, when asked what should be the maximum
penalty for bigamy, said: "Staying with the two parents."

What is the difference between a mother-in-law and a vulture?

The vulture waiting for you dying to devour your liver.

But if on the one hand the parents is a problem in the marriage of many people, taking the
blame for more than a third of the separations, it is usually the mother of women the
major cause of problems. Our research found, many times, the mother of the man is the
real danger.

"Today I received an email warning that my parents had died and asking if I would have
to bury, cremate or embalm.
I answered: "Sure - provide all three."

Difficult in-laws are not a problem for most men. The parents of a man can claim him,
irritated him, even irritating, but most men do not come to disappoint them. Problems
with parents not dominate the lives of men. An old Polish proverb says: "The path to the
heart of the parents is the child." Most men know that. What most of the mothers of the
wives want more than that any thing, is to see her daughter happy. And if the man makes
a woman happy, it is unlikely that parents cause problems.
And when the man has problems with in-law, the most likely cause is the refusal of the
father in giving of their precious "princesinha. But almost no jokes with in-laws - they are
not cause for laughter.
His mother - the burden it

The real tragedy of most families are caused by the mother of the man, the parents of the
wife. Polls conducted by the University of Utah shows that more than 50% of marriages
are real problems between the husband and mother nora. Although not all parents are
given by the fame, for many parents Norasia a nosy, invasive and possessive, which
refuses to cut the umbilical cord with your child, you can be absolutely disastrous. The
crisis involving the parents of women often seem impossible to manage and insoluble.
Can cause unhappiness, anguish and, ultimately, divorce.

A man met a wonderful woman and her boyfriend was.

Arranged a dinner, that same night to his mother to know.
But came together with three women - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead.
The mother asked why he brought three, rather than just one.
He said he wanted to know if she was able to guess which of the three women was his
future daughter-in-law.
After examining each one carefully, the mother replied: "It's a redhead."
"How did you guess so quickly?": He asked.
And she replied: "Because I was not with her face."

They are not all bad

Clearly, not all parents deserve the reputation of evil. A search of the University of the
State of Utah, which shows that about 50% of parents are seen as the creators of the case
also shows. that the other 50% are seen as helpful, affectionate, generous and, in the
worst cases, neutral. The parents are often responsible for defects and emotional
problems of their children and Norasia.

Case study: Anita and Tom

They had been married only six months when cracks began to appear in your happiness.
Anita thought it was becoming impossible to live with Tom. He left his clothes and
playing space-lhadas the towels on the floor. Transformed all the rooms, in home pen.
Anita This led to the point of collapse.
Anita: "Tom, you are a pig, I can not live with you more!" Tom: "No, Anita, the problem
is you. You are so thorough that it is me crazy! In my home was never like this.

My mother never complained to me or anything that I did! "

Anita: "So okay, let's talk about your mother. After living six months with you, I believe
it cost to the teacher, she mimou you, yes. You think the woman has to wash, cook,
move, clean and working all the time. Actually, you have no respect for women. Your
mother and I created a monster I'm no longer tolerate this. "
Tom: "What my mother has to do with it? Why did you change the subject? Why not stop
blaming everyone except yourself?"
Many mothers spoil the future at a very early marriage of their children. In addition to
washing, cooking and go for them, to protect them, believing they are showing them your
love, when in fact they are creating a serious problem in the future relationship with their
This is a really complicated problem for the partner. But instead of criticizing and
blaming his mother, the most effective in this case is training him to do what she wants
him to do. It is now an adult who should be responsible for their actions. The complexity
of the situation lies in the fact that there are three people involved in this relationship. All
three people can be emotionally balanced, independent, detached and friendly, or at the
other extreme, one, two or even three people can be jealous, possessive, dependent,
immature, selfish and emotionally unstable.

Why be parents is sometimes difficult?

It is important to be aware that parents occupy a difficult position, because the Norasia
usually maintain close ties with their mother and talk with them regularly, about every
little detail. The mother wants to be involved in their children's lives. It is normal for a
girl seeks the support of the mother, not the parents. This can create jealousy in the
mother's partner. The parents are always connected to the child, especially when he is
single and her life is dull. Is he eating right? Is that his house is well cared for? Etc., etc..
But the children rarely talk to their mothers about what it is. Receiving little information,
the parents begin to feel excluded from the new family and the child may find that the
only way to participate is forcing way and is doing this. The girl almost always strives for
the love to build a good relationship with the mother of the boy, because having her along
as it is a good strategy. When the marriage makes the situation more, it is as if two
women disputing one man.
But for every problem there is a solution. Just be willing to resolve it. The son and
daughter-in-law must face the situation in a mature and open.

Case study: Mark and Julie

Mark and Julie decided to marry. Due to a disagreement, Julie and her mother Sarah was
not talking about three years ago. So Julie is highly supported in France, mother of Mark,
to help her choose the wedding dress, the menu of a wedding party and all arrangements
of practice - everything we have done with his own mother if things were different.
Shortly before the wedding, but Julie found her mother with the help of Mark and they
resumed their relationship. Suddenly, France was no longer needed and was put aside.
She felt used and offense.
The parents are often put aside after the marriage, unless he has developed a strong
relationship with Nora. How is the mother around the nora usually forget that the mother
of your husband is so important to the family unit as its own. Life today is increasingly
over-charged, with less time for human contact. In business, for example, and even in
daily life, we use the mail to meet the need of communication. But the last generation
only knows the phone and personal meetings to communicate. Perhaps it is difficult for
the next generation deal with their parents, but the two sides need to understand and find
solutions to ensure the happiness of all. Parents need attention and the children need time
for their own family. When family members live in distant neighborhoods, cities or
different countries, it takes some effort to maintain unity in family life
Case study: Bernadette, Richard and Diana

Bernadette had just over forty years when the left-of Mari. "I was late!" She said to
friends. He drank more and did not de-link the minimum for the family. But she still had
her son, Richard. He was a good boy of 22 years and watch it. Bernadette thought
Richard was not interested in girls. She created with all the care, comfort and emotional
support for this - she thought - would be difficult to find a woman equal. The madcap
who sometimes left him were, to be clear, only for sex. For Bernadette, Richard knew
that as she created, nourished and loved since birth, now was the time to take account of

The view of Diana

Adam and Eve were the happiest and luckiest couple in the world, because neither of
them had parents.

Diana liked that Richard knew him. But thought it strange that her boyfriend not to take
his place. Only presented to his mother after the announcement of the engagement.
Bernadette was not particularly receptive, but Diana found that it simply needed time to
adapt. I used to laugh when the future mother-in-law commented that perhaps they are
not ready for non-marriage and could change your mind at any time.
When the ceremony was, Bernadette became a problem, telling everyone what you
thought would not last.
Soon after, Diana has realized that it had inherited from a mother-in-law Hell. The
problems began when she and Richard returned from honeymoon. Bernadette appeared
almost every day, so completely unexpected.
Diana tried to be friendly, but eventually grew tired of listening Bernadette tell you how
to prepare the favorite dish of Richard, as he liked the tidiness of the house, and put the
fault in almost everything she did. Logo Bernadette began openly insulting Diana when
Richard was not around, and when the big wheel is complaining with her husband,
Bernadette denied, accusing it of trying to create problems between her and her son.
Diana began then to avoid the parents, but Bernadette phone every night to stay talking
long together with Richard. She asked when he would come "in house" to paint it, to take
care of the garden, to repair the tap to talk about a problem or to take her shopping. Their
demands seemed to have no end. Richard was now fully at its disposal, without any
consideration for the needs of Diana.

How many parents are required to change a light bulb? A.

She is holding waiting for the world turn around.
Two years later, Travis was the first son of Diana. Bernadette was soon back to life nora
physically every day, helping with the baby. Bernadette took account of the situation,
constantly criticizing Diana. It became obsessive with Travis, putting it in the neck all the
time they were together. Diana began to feel excluded. Bernadette was him taking his
own son, and Diana felt prisoner and unfortunate.
More than once Diana tried to discuss the problem with Richard, but he said that Diana
was being possessive, selfish, immature and ciumenta, and that his mother was only
trying to help. In the end, Diana and tired of discussing it in a anger deaf closed.

The views of Richard

Richard lost his father to divorce, but things were definitely more calm at home. The
mother always told him that his father does not provide for anything and now he was the
man of the house. Filled it with care and affection, preparing their favorite dishes, made
his bed, collected and washed their clothes and not criticized because it felt just
wonderful what he did.
Once Richard and Diana got married, Bernadette was always around, helping in
something, but Diana seemed so enciumada of the husband's relationship with the mother
that no longer appear. Instead, it is that would see her on weekends and helped with the
house. But there was one problem: every night his mother call him a lengthy
conversation, just at the time he began to relax. It was a burden, but he thought the
mother should be feeling alone and that he had a responsibility towards her.
When Travis was born, Bernadette was the first to offer to help by washing the clothes
and taking care of the baby. Create a child was a novelty for Diana, and so Richard
thought that the advice of his mother would be fundamental. But Diana did not seem
prone to a little or ask advice. It became possessive for Travis, Bernadette lived with and
was discussing it with Richard complaining. He loved the woman, but she was crazy with
their explosions. With male your brain programmed to problem solving, Richard thought
he was just working hard all day and still have to resolve disputes between your wife and
your mother when you get home. And started to think that life would be less complicated
if I went back to single.

Nora and parents need to build a loop to run their lives. Women do this naturally, to over-
live in caves, and continue to need in the modern world, to have a life free of stress. Nora
and parents need to adjust their relationship without involving the son and husband. The
man may feel happy to have two women disputing its possession, as it feeds his ego. The
wife must have sufficient wisdom to take control of the situation and ensure that
problems are dealt with between it and the parents, only. When this is true, everyone
wins. The last thing that a woman needs is a complaint that her parents with the son.

What is the difference between a pit-bull and a mother-in-law? The pit-bull just dropping
This is a common tragedy, staged in families around the world. When problems appear
since the beginning of the relationship, is the big wheel that as a matter of survival, must
take the initiative to build the bridge. If during the time of her dating book all their
attention to the fiance, leaving the part of parents, will pay a high price later. It is
important that she spend some time just for parents, for this to see how a person with life
itself, not simply as the wife of the child. What is important is that in that relationship,
she combines sympathy and firmness, leaving not intimidate, but also not wanting to
impose their views. The difficulty is in fact a big wheel, when you know the future
mother-in-law, a person be more girl, generally immature and unprepared for the
problems that inevitably arise.
When it leaves the problems of marriage take root, later is very difficult to establish a
productive discussion between the three parties. Hardly one of them will accept what he
seems to be an alliance between the other two. In this stage, the problem must be resolved
by the parties most affected - the son and daughter-in-law, husband and wife.
As, first questions they need answered are: - Both recognize the existence of problems?
- You have a long life together, happy and loving? - They want to solve the problem?
If the answer to any of these questions is "No", it is advisable to couple therapy. If the
answer is "Yes", husband and wife should sit down and put on paper what they think is
the problem.
In the case study above, for example, Diana could write: - Bernadette arrives without
warning, take our privacy and in-progress plans are constantly perplexed.
- Bernadette call every night, just in time for this-we enjoy our moments of family living.
- Bernadette requires too much attention to Richard, that because it is not enough time
with the family.
- Bernadette interfere too much, wanting to dictate the rules in our house and the creation
of our son.
- Bernadette does not respect my ability and hope that it meets Richard as a child.
Richard, in turn, could write: - My mother is alone and it is up to us supports it, but Diana
did not care about that.
- My mother is not a man at home to do small services, and Diana does not understand
that as a child, is
my responsibility to help her.
- My mother tries to help Diana, but Diana refuses to divide Travis and receive useful
advice on motherhood.
- My mother makes me feel guilty when I do not answer your requests.
- I do not understand why my wife and my mother is angry all the time, when all I want
is to be with them.
The problem therefore is Diana and Richard. Bernadette apparently has no problem. She
had permission to continue controlling Richard, through whom she controls Diana and
Travis. Richard never cut the umbilical cord that connects to your mother. He actually
"still" have not left the house, not matured.

The best time to cut the umbilical cord is birth.

Diana is also responsible, albeit unintentionally. By not putting limits on Bernadette
when the problems started to appear, it actually allowed the parents invade your marriage
and your family.

How to set limits

Establish rules and set limits means tracing lines that should not be exceeded. Richard
and Diana do not have of it and left to set limits when they married. This is a trap in
which young people often fall very easily. Inexperienced, having lived always within
limits set by other people, they do not understand the risks, and generally believe that the
family members are only trying to help with his advice, are not firm in setting its rules.
Set limits and be firm are two key lessons that the newly married couples need to learn.
set limits, people know that their transgression will bring problems. Know where to go. If
Richard and Diana have limits in their marriage, lines that they can not overcome, then
why not put limits on Bernadette too?
Diana says Bernadette arrives without being asked and without warning. Bernadette must
be trained, therefore, on the border of privacy. We need to know that she should call
before they appear. Diana should explain that she and Richard need a time of privacy to
relax and take care of common projects and unannounced visits that may interfere, as the
visitor is a person dear.
Quite understandably, Bernadette feel rejected and hurt, but this is a problem that it must
It is natural that Bernadette would Richard take care of the problems of her house, but
here is a question of limits. Richard really has responsibility to help the mother, but in
agreement with Diana. The three should discuss the matter in a time when emotions are
low. Maybe the solution would get a "factotum" and give him the phone Bernadette.
Richard and Diana might even offer to pay for services for an entire year, as Christmas
gift or birthday.

Me and my parents were happy for twenty years.

Until we know it.

With regard to Travis, Bernadette did not exceed a limit set. The problem will diminish
significantly if the visits are only permitted where previously combined. Diana has to be
firm. Must thank Bernadette for attention, but said that she and Richard receive guidance
of pediatricians to the development of Travis, and they intend to follow it.
Richard, in agreement with Diana, must limit the duration of phone calls from their
'mother to, say, ten minutes, after which he must tell Bernadette that has things to do and
say goodbye,
the most important of all, however, is that it needs to encourage the mother to develop
activities outside the family, such as joining a club of retired, to excursions, have a group
of reading, doing courses and voluntary work in hospitals or welfare organizations, is
important to Richard and Diana show a real interest in "new" life of Bernadette, by her
own gain momentum,
It is vital that during all the conversations, make it clear, through words and attitudes, that
the affection is preserved, there is no aggression, it is only to ensure the happiness of the
three, however strange it may seem to Bernadette ,

If you could convince your parents to walk fifteen kilometers a day,

after a single week she would be 105 kilometers away.

Richard is resolved to maintain her marriage and awareness of evil that causes the
interference of the mother, the two problems can be solved. Just as the couple set limits
and make the meet. It is not easy. Bernadette will be boring at first and probably react
with emotional blackmail and statements such as:
- "After everything I did for you!"
- "Who else can I use?"
- "Do you not care more for me."
- "When I die you will be sorry."
- "You are selfish - just like your father."
- "I feel so alone now."

Such tactics, which are emotional blackmail, only work if you allow. But you know what
is right to do what you're doing, I discussed the matter several times, I examined all the
possible reactions and are prepared to deal with it. A person can only make you feel
guilty if you agree to accept the blame.

You've seen flying snake?

Then try playing your parents through the window.

The next stage of the reaction of Bernadette is probably refuse to help, ie taking care of
Travis. Maybe even threatens disinherit them. Reactions are predictable, but Richard and
Diana have to say, whether to live an independent life, mature and happy. They have to
explain or justify their decisions, only reaffirm that the path that is decided then.
It is important that they continue taking care of Bernadette and supporting it during this
phase. There will be tempting to abandon it, especially if the reaction is stronger than
expected, but they should not do it. We need to keep it abreast of the family, encouraging
it, while building a life. If sympathy and love to face the task of setting limits to
Bernadette, a solid and enjoyable adult relationship can develop.
None of this is easy and requires a lot of the couple's determination and persistence, if we
are committed to maintaining a harmonious relationship and happy.
Chapter 7

An archaeologist excavated a ruin when topou to an old lamp. To rub it to remove the
dust, appeared a genius. "You freed me!" Said the genie. "I will grant you one wish."
The archaeologist thought for a moment and replied: "I want a bridge with a Autopista
connecting England to France!"
The genius goggle and mutter: "Hey, man, I just leave the lamp, I'm tired ground. You
idea of the distance that exists between England and France? Is an engineering
impossible! Make another request!
The man reflected for a moment and asked: "I wish I could I communicate with women."
The genius pale and asked: "One or two tracks?"
If you are a man, this is one of the most important chapters of this book. But it is very
likely to feel skeptical about some of the things that will read, we check each item with a
woman next to you.
For over a decade, we collect and record answers to research on how men and women to
communicate and use the science of human behavior to explain their differences.
Searched men of different nationalities and races. Consequently, we are able to reveal the
intriguing logic that lies behind the five men most frequent questions about the way
women are communicating. To
most men, these secrets are both a source of amusement and confusion. But for those who
can meet them, a new level of relationship with the opposite sex comes up. These are the
1. Why women talk so much?
2. Why do women always want to talk about problems?
3. Why women exaggerate?
4. Why women never go to the chase?
5. Why women want to know the smallest detail?

'Why do women talk so much?

The huge capacity that women have to talk is something that most men are extremely
difficult to understand. In Why Men Have Sex and the Women They Love? we treat this
issue in detail, therefore, we present here only a brief summary.
Women evolved together with other women and children in and near the caves. The
ability to build and strengthen intimate relationships was crucial to the survival of each.
Men evolved chasing moving targets. When you engage in any activity, women did all
the time, so as to remain united. Meanwhile, men, and when caçavam fishing, avoided
talking to not scare the prey. The modern man also, when you leave to hunt or fish, not
speaking much. And the modern woman, when to collect leaves (shopping) and still talk
all the time. Women do not need a reason to talk, or a specific purpose. They speak to be
The following is the brain images of men and women talking. The dark areas are the parts
of the brain into activity.
The images show how the brains of women is widely used for the functions of speech and
language. In Why Men Have Sex and the Women They Love? show that the brain of the
woman can produce, without effort, six thousand to eight thousand words spoken per day.
Compare it with the average daily production of words of a man - two to four thousand -
and you understand that the ability to speak of women cause so many problems between
couples. A worker exhausts its production of words in the middle of the afternoon and go
home to find a woman who still has four to five thousand words to say! Two women can
spend the whole day together and then still speak for a full hour on the phone. The
reaction of the man before it is asked "Why do not you say it to her when they were
Have a brain that is not strong in the skills of speech and language responds to the
remarkable extent of gender differences in rates of problems in speech: the stuttering is a
disorder three to four times more frequent among men than among women, dyslexia and
serious, about ten times.
The brain of man is set to the solution of continuous problems. The men use the speech
and language to communicate facts and data. Most men "only speak if you have
something to say," that is, when either communicate facts, data and solutions. This
creates serious problems of communication with women, because the "conversation" of
women is completely different, a form of retribution and a way to connect to another
person. Put simply, if she feels attracted to you if she likes you or saying you want to feel
accepted and important, it speaks to you. If not, it simply does not speak.

Areas of the brain related to speech and language. Institute of Psychiatry in London,

Man Woman

The brain of man is oriented solutions.

The women's to processes.

As I said, the man only speaks to other men about personal problems if you think that the
other has a solution. As already explained, the man who was asking opinion feels
honored and offers its solutions. When a woman speaks, however, it does basically to
create a bond with another person, not to ask for solutions. Unfortunately, the man tends
to think that a woman discuss their problems because they do not know how to deal with
them and "all the time is interrupted with solutions.
No wonder that women always complain that the man to break inter-and not to let
express their views. From a woman, to offer all the time, the man gives the impression
that always wants to be right and it is always wrong. For the women, share their emotions
and problems with someone is a demonstration of confidence in the person.
When you make personal confidences, she is not complaining - it's showing that you

The opposite is also true - if she does not like or do not love a person, if she does not
agree with what this person is saying, or when either punish them, she stops talking. The
silence as a form of punishment is an effective tactic, especially when used with other
women. With men in general it does not work - the men usually see the "peace and
tranquility" obtained with the silence of women as a prize.

Women use silence to punish men.

The problem is that men love silence.

The best way to punish the woman the man is talking to him without stopping and
changing the subject is.

The solution for men and women

Ideally, one could say to each other how you feel and go learn about the differences
between genders and the specific characteristics of your partner. It is never too often:
when two people are aware that they want to invest in the relationship, mutual remarks to
lose the character of criticism and complaint and will be key ele-ments in the construction
of mutual happiness. Only thus creates intimacy and complicity.
It is important to understand the man that the main objective of the "conversation" of the
woman is talking about. The purpose of it is if you feel better about your day and connect
to you - in almost all of the time is not to seek solutions. The content of conversation with
people is not important, it is the participation that counts. Already suggested before, but
never too often. When you, woman, want to talk to your partner, ask them explicitly to
reserve a time for that and tell him that he only wants to listen, without interrupting to
offer solutions. If you have an issue to deal with it, is direct and clear. Without any

Why do women always want to talk about problems?

Women on average live seven years longer than men, mainly due to their greater ability
to deal with stress. When either forget a stressful day, the man thinks or does something
else. Your brain allows you to track only concentrate on the news, on TV, water the
garden, browse the Internet or mount an aircraft to turn off the problems. Focusing on
other things, one at a time, he apparently can forget their problems. When not occupied
with another activity, stress man stops talking and will sit alone "in front of the fire" to
find a solution to your problem. The danger is that the internalized stress can cause
diseases such as diarrhea, constipation, stomach ulcers and heart attack - fortunately not
all at the same time.
Women deal with stress talking plenty about their problems, addressing them in various
ways, and yes-go by making a possible solution. Talking about your problems is your
way of relieving stress. A man who did so would give other men the impression that they
feel incapable and are looking for solutions ... it would be readily available.

Case study: Lisa, Joe and discussion of midnight

Lisa and Joe discussed much when they went to live together. It was common for
discussion is to drag well after midnight. The problem was that Lisa had been created
believing that the couple should never let anyone waiting for the next day. They always
kiss and make up before going to sleep. So she talked, talked and talked about the issue at
stake - until it lead to another thread. Joe could not handle it. He would prefer a thousand
times and have a fight, go to sleep and forget it.

Lisa wanted to reduce their level of stress and was anxious to reach a satisfactory
decision for both, while] and thought they always came back to the same issues. In the
evening, he had already discussed everything that had to discuss and was happy to leave
the rest divergence.

My husband and I decided never to sleep before resolving our disputes.

One night we were agreed for six months.

For men, the reason why women love to discuss all the details, especially late at night, is
a mystery. The problem is that the female brain is programmed to enhance processes.
Women like to thoroughly discuss all aspects of their actions and feelings. Men tend to
retreat before that approach. Prefer to discuss the issue and resolve it quickly. Enjoy
going to rock your thinking about something else.

There are two theories about arguing with a woman. None of them works.
Rodney Dangerfield

Women believe that everyone is talking about feeling better. The men believe that talking
will only make things worse.

We to assume that the more men and women are aware of their differences, the easier it
becomes the relationship. So when the woman started to teased a problem that seems not
to sense, remember that she needs to talk to feel better. Listen to it with the greatest
possible solidarity and tell him you are there to accept them as needed. Ask her if she
wants some help and put themselves available to advise her when she wants. Not
minimize the impact that certain events can cause it. At that moment, it only needs your
love and genuine care.

One of one hundred things that women wish men knew: what it said six or eight months
is unacceptable in the current discussion.

But also meets its limits. If the problem that the wife brings concerns the relationship of
you and you in fact does not feel able to discuss the l-on time, ask to be sensitive if it can
leave the matter for another time. Say, for example: "Sorry, sweetheart, but this issue is
too big for my head today. I want to discuss it with you, but does not give us a little talk
about this later?" This way of addressing the problem is more respectful and has much
more chance of working than say nothing and simply wait for the woman to say end all
you have to talk.

Why women exaggerate?

Both men and women exaggerate. The difference is that men exaggerate the facts and
women exaggerate the emotions and feelings. He exaggerates the importance of their
work, the size of your income or that of fish caught, the performance of your car and the
amount of beautiful women who left. She exaggerates his feelings and the other when it
comes to some personal matter or what someone said. The woman's brain is focused on
people, so fancy it much more than the man on the lives and relationships. Moreover,
these fantasies and exaggeration that makes the conversations more interesting.

The exaggeration makes it more exciting to talk about relationships.

Exaggerated words and emotions is a normal behavior to be perfect for women who talk
among themselves. In general, women like to dream that a leading man of TV to ask for a
memorable night, even that invariably end up falling by the timid and puny boy he met at
the homes of friends.
Examples of female exaggeration:
"I asked you a million times to collect their wet towels."
"You always hope that I do all the work of the house and take care of children at the same
"When I saw her with that dress, I thought it was going to die!"
"You always do this to me."
"Do not talk to you anymore!"

For men, the excesses of women can be frustrating, because as your brain thinks things
from facts and data, it interprets the words literally. For example, if he disagrees with the
woman in front of friends, she will say later: "You always reduces me and never let me
have my own opinion, you always do this to me!" He probably will take that complaint to
the foot of the letter, saying that it does not always defend himself and giving examples:
"This is not true, I did not no time last night and not do for months!" She replied recalling
the days, times and places where he eats the same, your offense. He is hurt and angry,
because it does not consider that issue with the woman is decreased her. But for her the
most important is not the offense committed. All that she wants is that he values in front
of friends. She was exaggerating his emotions and he, challenging in terms of facts and

I want a million ... but one at a time.

Mae West on men.

Despite his ability to speak, the woman also uses the body language to send and receive
information. The language of the body reveals the emotional state of women and is
responsible for 60 to 80% of the impact of their conversation. In the eyes of men, women
always seem to be moving his arms and using a variety of gestures and facial expressions
when speaking, including the phone. She communicates with a scale of five tones, but
men are able to identify only three. She sends much of what I mean by tone of voice.
Most messages are not verbal. For women, the emotions and feelings are what counts and
tone of voice and body language are the main channels to communicate them.

How a woman can fool yourself

When the woman recall a scene in your head, it may appear that the memory is real. The
letter from Jessica shows as:

"Me and Luke agreed to meet for dinner at our favorite restaurant, Saturday night, around
eight hours.
That day Luke was football with friends and I have fun with some friends to assert that I
did not see since we have decided to live together. We spent the whole morning
shopping, then lunch and take coffee and we talk about a million things, so that the time
and I lost a little late. I knew it would be a romantic dinner and was excited, mad to see
When I arrived, he was sitting, looking out the window. Sorry for the delay, said he had
an excellent day out with friends and show what was purchased. I gave him a special gift
- a beautiful pair of gold cufflinks. He mumble "Thank you", put them in the pocket and
was sitting there without saying anything.
The humor of it was so strange that I thought he was punishing me for having arrived
late. During the dinner, the conversation was really difficult and not a little interesting. It
was as if it were a hundred kilometers away. Decided to have coffee at home.
The trip back was silent. Now I knew we had a serious problem. I was giving treatment to
the ball to imagine what could be, but decided to wait to get home to talk. I had some
suspicions but did not mean anything yet.
When we arrived, Luke went straight in the room, turned and was watching the TV,
without giving me the slightest attention. His eyes seemed to say that everything was
over between us. I started to think that something suspicious was that I had some time
was true - he should have another woman, is thinking it and not want to tell me not to
hurt me. And I was also becoming clear who she was - Debbie, that bitch of his work
beyond the mini-skirt! I saw the way she moves the chair every time he passes by it. And
he thinks I'm an idiot, not noticed how he looks at her with that stupid smile. They must
think I'm blind! Well, I was sitting there in the room with him about fifteen minutes until
no more endure. I went to bed. Ten minutes later, Luke came to bed and also surprised
me want to snuggle. Not resist to my caresses, and made love. But then he just turned and
was sleeping. I was so upset and stressed that hours spent awake. Then cried to sleep. I
thought the end was near.
I promised myself that the next day would face the situation and demand that he tell me
the truth. Who is the other woman? He loves you or is just an adventure? Why men do
not tell the truth? All I know is that it can no longer live like this ... "
What Luke was really thinking that night:

"My team lost. ... It took the largest iron if continue, will eventually disqualified!"

If you are a man, women understand the need to exaggerate the emotions and feelings
and not take the literal meaning. Never call your partner in "queen of the drama" not a
correction in front of others. Listen to the truth of it, even if internally you give some
discount. Then, as tenderly as possible, help her to relativise without saying what she
should think or say. The woman, moreover, must realize that, as the man takes things at
the foot of the letter, she should try to be objective and limit the exaggeration. This step is
especially important when it comes to business, where the exaggeration may be cause for
much confusion and damage.

Why women never go to the chase?

For men, women seem to prefer to be making rounds to go right to the point. Sometimes
a man feels as if I had to guess what the woman wants, or be able to read her mind. This
apparently vague manner of speaking is known as indirect language.
This letter from a reader and shows a woman can feel the man: "My wife goes on whim
indirect speech. Yesterday, for example, it was in the kitchen and told me: 'In the team
meeting today, my supervisor said ... not eat the salami. " 'What?' I was surprised, 'she
said not to eat the salami? "
'She's not you,' replied my wife, with a tone mad,
'I do not want you to eat the salami. I will use it later. " I stopped with the stupid guy,
trying to find the sequence of the conversation, while she continued to where he had
stopped, telling me what your supervisor told you. She does this constantly. It is able to
develop four or five different lines of thought simultaneously with ease, while I turn to
follow. All your friends seem to follow his reasoning, but to me and my two children that
causes tremendous brain damage. How can a woman be so smart as avoada when
Today, while carrying a basket of laundry to the garage, I said: 'Later I need to go to the
hardware store. "
I was working in the garage half hour, and this time I put the clothes in the washing
machine, in one move boxes, cleaned a shelf and made a list of arrangements for next
week. When she went in the house said, without stopping what I was doing: 'Why? "
'Huh? Why what? "I asked.
'What do you need? "
'I do not need anything! What are you talking about? "
'If you do not need anything, that is going to the hardware store? "She asked, crossing his
arms with that guy sulk in'0 - that-is-what-you-are-arming' that most men married knows.
However, this matter was already closed for me for a long time, but for my wife is
absolutely natural to resume a conversation for over an hour, if it finds that the matter
was not resolved.
I think she is convinced that I did not hear, and I'm half convinced that she is right. I try
to understand later, after I finish my salami sandwich.
Frustrated Raymond. "When a woman speaks, the language generally indirect USA. That
means what it implies or infers that the things. When women use indirect language to
each other, rarely there are problems - they have to understand the sensitivity real
meaning of what is said. But this language can be disastrous when speaking with men,
who use the direct language and interpret the words literally. As I said, the male brain
evolved as a mechanism to focus single requirement of the hunt. The men find
disconcerting the apparent lack of structure and purpose of female conversation and
accuse women of not knowing what they are talking about. They respond saying things
like: "After all, what are you talking about?", "What is the conclusion ", or the interrupt
saying," We already talked about this a dozen times, "" How long it will last yet? "and"
This conversation is very complicated and will not lead to nowhere. "

The language in indirect business

The use of indirect language and multiple tracks in business can be problematic for
women because men have difficulty to follow the conversation. The men, in order to take
decisions, must be submitted to ideas and information that is clear, logical and organized.
Women may see their ideas and rejected the requests simply because your boss is not the
slightest idea what she wants. Marie was a classic victim.
After six months of negotiations, Marie had the chance to present the new advertising
program for your company to a major customer of the financial industry. The audience
was composed of eight men and four women. The account to be won worth two hundred
thousand dollars and she only had thirty minutes to sell her story. It was the only chance
of winning the title. On the day of presentation, so well tested that could sleep up to,
Marie came properly dressed, with a number sober, hair done and makeup light and
natural. But soon after starting, she noticed that the men looked as if they were not
understood. Given the impression that they were judging negatively and losing interest in
the presentation, she began to come by several shortcuts, adding unnecessary details and
returning the slides already passed to show how they are related to each other.
Encouraged the women with smiles, faces and vocal expressions like "Uh, uh," "Right!"
and showing an interest. Encouraged by the female reaction, Marie began to turn his
speech to them, unintentionally ignoring the men. The entire presentation has become an
exercise in juggling. She finished and left, convinced that he had done a good job. and
was eagerly awaiting the answer of the company.
This was the conversation of men executives during the coffee, after which Marie left:
Director of Marketing: "You have some idea of what she was talking about?" Executive
Director: "No. .. it confused me. Tell him to send the proposal in writing." Marie
"multitrilhou" submission using indirect language with a group of men who wanted to
hear a presentation objective, and lean in his logic. The executive met and became
involved with questions, but no man wanted to raise their hand and admit that there was
not understood. The woman needs to understand that man, when you can not follow what
she says, prefer to pretend it means to go through stupid. Only it is not convinced.

When a man can not keep up the discourse of business of a woman,

he pretends to understand.

The woman must use a direct language, with timetables, schedules, deadlines and
conclusive answers. Should be direct with men in business by addressing an issue each
time, with beginning, middle and end, without getting lost in shortcuts. Marie is still
waiting for a response ...

Case study: Barbara and Adam

Barbara went to shop with friends and wanted his son Adam, aged 16, clean the kitchen.
"Adam, you can do to please clean the kitchen for me?" She asked. "Hum .. s ...", he
growl in response. When she resumed the tour, the kitchen remained the same. Barbara
was angry with her son. "But I would clean up before leaving at night", he whine. The
problem was caused by the Barbara. She used the language indirect assumption that
Adam would understand that when she returned home with her friends, the kitchen
should be clean. She asked: "You want to clean the kitchen?" No boy "or" clean the
kitchen. Adam can not. A direct request with a deadline, as "Adam, please clean the
kitchen before I get back from shopping at noon, would have guaranteed a better result.
Children do not "want" to do household chores,
they need to be directly instructed to do them.

That night, Barbara said to Adam: "I would like you to look for an hour before going to
bed." Indirect dis-course that works with girls but with boys it is useless. The brain of the
boy heard that his mother that he would do such a thing, but it really was not instructed to
do it, does. Direct instruction with a time limit is the only realistic way of dealing with
"Adam, I want you to go to your room and study for one hour. I will give you good-night
before you pain-mir." Direct instructions leave little room for communication problems.
Moreover, men enjoy clear instructions. Women fear that the direct language is too
aggressive. You can even be, when used with another woman. With men, however, the
direct speech is perfectly normal, because that is how they communicate.


For a woman:
With men, seek to use only the direct discourse. This does not mean being aggressive.
You may well say, calmly and affection: "Let's make an appointment to talk? Feel that
we need solve some problems." And remember what we said before: when speaking of
problems, makes clear that it is as you see them and feel, which does not mean they are
exactly that. Do not extend to others and gives space to listen to what your partner has to
say. Listen to the truth, not defend themselves or challenge immediately. In the beginning
may seem difficult, but over time this practice will bring you the desired results. You'll
have fewer misunderstandings with men of his life.

For men:
If a woman is talking and you have difficulty to follow your line of thinking, start
listening, without offering solutions. If anything, give it a time limit: "I watch the news of
seven, my good, but until then I'm all yours." Again: try to show you their own limits and
their way of being. Once you have the precious chance to go is knowing better and
respecting their differences.

One of our readers sent us the Dictionary of Women Indirect terms that appear during
their regular discussions.
"Good" - The USA women at the end of this word in any discussion that you believe to
be the reason but want the man shut up.
"Five minutes - I mean, about half an hour. Equivalent to five minutes when the man is
watching a soccer game and the woman asked for a favor.
"Nothing" - means "something." "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling of the
woman when she is willing to strangle the man. "Nothing" usually means the beginning
of a discussion that will last "five minutes" and have undermined with the word "great".
"Go ahead" (with raised eyebrows) - It is said in a tone of challenge, after the woman said
"Go ahead" (with normal eyebrows) - means "I quit" or "Do what you want because I'm
not there." You should receive a "Go ahead" (raised eyebrows) in a few minutes,
followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she says she will explain the reason in "five
minutes", when a cool head.
-Audible sigh means she thinks you an idiot and wonders why it is wasting time by
discussing with you "Nothing."
"Aah?" - At the beginning of a sentence, "Aah" generally means that you have been
caught in a lie. For example, "Aah? I talked to his brother about what you walked by last
night "and" Aah? You expect me to believe ". She will tell you that is" good "while
playing their clothes through the window. And do not try to lie more to get an escape
because" Go ahead "(raised eyebrows).
"All right" - means that she wants to think before you return whatever you have. "Okay"
is often used with "Fine" and in conjunction with "Go ahead" (raised eyebrows). At some
point in the near future, when it has plot is planned, you will be a big trouble.
"Please" - is not an application is an offer for you to talk. The woman is giving you the
chance to invent an excuse or reason you have done what they have done. If you do not
speak the truth will win in a final "OK".
"Really?" - She is not questioning the validity, is simply saying it does not believe a
single word of what you say. You offering to explain and receive a "Please." The more
you apologize, and the highest is the sarcastic "Really?" it, seasoned with a lot of "Aahs",
"raised eyebrows" and an "audible gasp" final.
"Thank you" - The woman says that when you're really upset with you. Means that you
put the hurt and the next step will be an "audible sigh." Do not ask what's wrong after the
"audible sigh," because it will say "Nothing." The next time it will allow you to make sex
with her will "one day".

Why women want to know the smallest detail?

Josh was reading the newspaper a night when the phone rang. He answered, listened for
about ten minutes making occasional grunt and said: "Yes, okay. We were talking ..." He
hung up and continued reading.
"Who was that?" He asked his wife Debbie.
"Robert, a former schoolmate," he said.
"Robert? You do not see from the side! How is he?"
"So ... what he said?" She asked.
"Nothing important ... He is nice ... is great," Josh replied that defeated tone that men
have when trying to read the newspaper.
"That is what he said after ten years? What is
great ", she insisted. And he was asked him as an advocate of it, the split detail each point
of the conversation, wanting to know every detail.
This situation, which has dealt before, shows a basic brain differences between men and
women. For men, details are irrelevant. The woman thinks when a man does not speak
much because he is not interested in it, because for women the words are used to unite.
The man thinks the woman speaks and other torments so many questions.

Women are programmed to know all the details

Defender of nests and offspring, the woman involved to secure for itself a narrow circle
of friends who take care of it if your man does not resume the hunt or the war. The group
of friends was his insurance company. His survival depended on their ability to connect
to other women, which means knowing all the details and is actively interested by the
situation of each group member and their families.
After a social activity, women know everything that each member of the group, or
family, are doing, their dreams and goals for the year, their health and status of their
relationships. You also know where the friends go on leave and the children are doing in
school. Men know what new "toys for boys" bought the other men, already see the new
red sports car from Bob, I discussed what are good places to fish, have already decided
how to defeat terrorism and how England can win of Germany in football ... ah, yes ...
and the latest jokes. But you know very little about the personal life of any person in the
group - their wives saying all the way home. It is not that women are curious ... well, they
do not cease to be ... is that with the long-term survival in their minds, they want to know
how each person in your group and how they can help.

If you are a man, need to understand that the woman needs to know details and personal
information is programmed into your psyche and aims for the survival of relationships
Therefore, when you talk to the woman, look you give more details than usually and do
not fidget with their pe1fun-tas. Invite her for a long walk and let her talk. Thus, you will
be a great year. Remember once again: you need not worry about giving answers or
provide solutions - just listen to it with genuine interest.
And if you are female, try to avoid the excess of detail, especially in a business meeting,
you should 'go to the chase, being precise and succinct. At home, tell your partner that is
willing to tell her what happened, ask if it is available, meets its limits. And if, in
reporting events from the others, feel that he is uninterested, do not feel offended. Things
that seem important to you may be irrelevant to him. Tell us what you feel and hear what
he feels, knowing that men and women are structurally different.
Chapter 8
"You think I am OUE --
Why men lie?

The new man in your life that really is all over with the former, but you know he has a
picture of it in the drawer of the office. His female instinct tells you that something is
wrong, but you do not know what it is.
His girlfriend called in last minute canceling the meeting with you and an excuse that it
seemed in tatters. You distrust. You would be wrong?
Lie: noun, action by which a person is to deliberately deceive another person.

What mind?

Everybody lies. Most lies are the first meetings, when all want to make the best. Most of
the lies that we are soft Lies, those that exist for us to live jun-ments without violence or
aggression, as often prefer the subtle distortion of the true facts and stark naked. If you
have a nose too large, do not want to hear the truth about him - he prefers to hear him
personality, no one notices it or he has a size suitable for your face.

Always tell the truth - then quit running.


If you had told the strict truth to all those who interacted in the last week, what would
have happened? If you tell the exact words that go through your head, how people react?
One thing is certain: you would be an insufferable person, probably would not have any
friends and possibly more would be unemployed. Imagine the following situations:
"Hi, Mary. Because their sinuses are fallen. Why not put a bra or seeking a new plastic
"Hi, Adam. You must see the reason for your bad breath and why not cut the hair of the
"This meeting is organized chatíssima you. There is no one interesting beer is hot."

When was the last time you lied? Well, as you may not have lied, but left to say or tell
something that would have caused suffering to the person. You may have exaggerated a
bit to complete a loan application form or request for jobs to provide the best.
When you sold the car, may have ceased to mention that leakage of engine oil to speak of
the excellent conditions under which he was. When announced to sell the house, you did
not mention that the neighbor cat up and sometimes the smell is unbearable. Maybe you
have not told her husband that found a former boyfriend and that his heart shot. Or that
the group of friends who would just be reducing the lunch spicy brunette who works in
the next office. Did you not concealed from the other lipo or prosthesis that did that to put
the body shape? Ever not lied about your weight and your age? The list of large and small
lies is endless. Everyone constantly lied to each other. Parents lie to their children about
sex and teenagers lie to their parents about sex. Give the name you want - are all lies.

Only enemies tell the truth.

Friends and lovers, caught in the web of obligation, not to lie.
Stephen King

We lied for two reasons, obtaining a gain or avoid pain. Fortunately, most people feel
guilt, remorse or discomfort when you lie, and it is not easy to hide, making it possible
for a person know if the other is telling the truth, or is lying. With a little practice is to
recognize the behavioral signs we learn to lie and decodes them.

Case study: Sheelagh and Dennis

Sheelagh was asked by Dennis for dinner at his house and decided whim to impress you.
It was the lights on the hair do hair, makeup is carefully chose a sexy dress, pants high
heels, put a pair of long earrings and a bit of French perfume behind the ears. When he
arrived, was impressed with the way Dennis get the scenario for the night: half-light, a
soft background music and fire burning. On entering the dining room, he presented with a
beautiful bouquet of flowers and led it to the table, lit with candles, where it served a
glass of champagne. To sit, glorious, she realized that he was using to shave lotion that
she said that he liked. All your senses - sight, hearing, touch and smell - were excited in
the highest degree. They were talking a little about her work and the events of the day.
Dennis listened attentively, smiling, looking at the eyes and encourage her to talk.
Sheelagh felt completely overwhelmed by the caring and sensitive man - so different
from others she met. And assumed that he felt exactly the same for her.
In polite language, this scenario is called a romantic dinner with candlelight. But in
reality it is a complete fabrication of lies half on both sides to try to gain personal
advantage. Champagne, half-light and soft music were not part of the normal lifestyle of
Dennis and the usual topic of conversation was his sport. This whole assembly was a fine
trick. Dennis wanted sex. Free sex with no inhibitions. And I was experienced enough to
know that building the scenario the way they mount, the chance to get to Sheelagh what I
would be much greater.
Sheelagh, in turn, is decorate, is armed and behaved is thinking only in stimulating the
sexual part of the brain of Dennis, you raise the level of testosterone. But we can say that
everything you said and did that night was in search of personal gain. All night, in short,
was based on lies and deceptions. But if faced with this basic fact, both would deny, of
course, and strongly.

Research shows that 30-40% of patients get relief with placebos

Types of lies

There are four basic types of lies - the Branda Lie, Lie beneficial to the malicious lies and
malicious lie. C mo already said, the Lie Branda is part of our social fabric and prevents
us from ferirmos and insult each other with the truth hard, cold and painful. The Lie
benefit is used by people with the intention of helping. This is the case of the German
farmer who hid Jews from Nazis and denied to the authorities. He was lying heroically.
The fireman who rescues a child from a house on fire and mind to it saying that their
parents are and is protecting it for some time to suffer an even greater trauma. The
medical mind that the patient in the bed of death to raise her mood, or as safe prescription
drugs - placebos - technically lying.

The malicious lie is the most dangerous, because the intention of the liar in this case is
hurt or take advantage of victims in their own benefit. A known God, War, was single
mother, left little, and when he met a man who seemed loving, sensitive, intelligent, fun
and is interested in her, was delighted. To tell her friend Margie who was seeing this
man, heard, sorry, he was a notorious playboy, a person who could not trust. War then
moved to avoid it. A month later, she gives him in the face of the neighborhood shopping
center - embraced with a smile-tooth Margie.
The malicious lie has two main forms: concealment and falsification. In the blind, the
lying does not count as a lie, he misappropriate information. Say, for example,
discovering that War was over, through another friend, who, in fact, that a man cheating
ex-girlfriend, making it the guarantor of a loan and giving it the default. Nobody could
blame for not warning Gerris Margie because Margie may not believe, but if War took
the decision not to warn it would also be guilty of lying, this time by an act of
concealment. In forging a inverídica information is presented as true. Margie War gave
false information on the character of a man, to get him out of the rival. This type of lie is
an intentional act, not an accident.
Malicious lies are motivated by revenge or to gain advantages. People in evidence as
actors, politicians and richies are the main targets of malicious lies. The journalists who
offer the stories to newspapers and magazines sensational, even if they are inverídicas
also benefit as the rivals of those affected in the world art, business and politics.

The lies and malicious misconduct tend to be used as weapons in competitive situations.
Invent the people intend to destroy the character and reputation of their victims, with
results to be devastated and durable.
One company, for example, can spread the false information that its main competitor is in
financial difficulties. Similarly, it is not an uncommon political rumors spread that an
opponent has his inappropriate sexual behavior. A couple had their school and its
reputation destroyed because they spread the rumor that sexually hurt the students. When
the truth was restored, ra late because the damage was enormous.

Types of liars

"Natural liars" are people who are fully aware and confident in their ability to deceive,
and do as little. In general, parents who were themselves taught them to lie to prevent the
terrible punishment that would apply if told the truth. Many natural liars take advantage
of that ability in adulthood become criminal lawyers, vendors, merchants, actors,
politicians and spies.
The "liar non-natural" is the person who as a child, was persuaded by the parents that it
was impossible to lie, because it would inevitably discovered. These poor creatures spend
their lives indiscriminately telling the truth about everything, repeating that "I never lie,"
annoying, offending and creating problems for everyone they know.

The truth will free him, but first it will screw you.
MAL Pancoast

One of the most dangerous lie that a woman can find the way is the romantic. When a
Romantic Liar enter into action, the woman usually does not the slightest idea of what is
happening. Romantic Some liars are specialists in hiding who are married, while others
are masters in pose of lawyers, doctors and businessmen to raise the successful, and
sexual interest. For those liars, the only limit is the imagination. Consequently, they can
cause enormous damage to women's emotional, psychological and financial. The most
common objective of Romantic Liar is starting money, sex and other benefits of women,
pretending to give in return love and emotion. The offices of the therapists are full of
intelligent women and full of resources Romantic victims of a Liar. Some returned in this
type of experience, seems to learn nothing suffered. The emotional damage and loss of
self-esteem often far beyond the material losses in these cases and may leave a woman
emotionally marked: it will hardly believe any man.
Romantic liars can appear anywhere and go in and chat on the Internet, where most
people mind and anything. Even smart women be fooled by a Romantic Liar, as the
biggest talent is his ability to live a lie plausible enough time to its victim fall in love. She
is blind to the lies or deny, even when they are evident to friends and family.

People say love of truth, but what they want to believe that it is like the truth.

If you lead the department of personnel of a large company would want to know as much
as possible about a person applying for a position of trust, right? Why not do the same
with a prospective partner? The
advice here is: always check the history of any product you want to keep for long. It can
be painful discover its faults, but will save you a far greater suffering in the long term.

Who minds the most?

Most of the women has to say categorically that men lie more frequently than between
them. Studies and experiments show, however, that men and women lie in equal Others
propose What varies is the content of the lie. Women of the m general, tend to lie to make
others feel better, and men for doing good. Women lie to keep the relationship safe and
have great difficulty in lying about their feelings. The men lie to avoid discussion and to
say. In an extreme case, a man is able to say it is vice-director of a multinational
distribution of food when it has a business of supply of pizza at home.

The woman mind to make the man feel good.

The human mind to do good.

This is the main difference lies between male and female. The woman said that a mind
was wonderful clothes for someone, even thinking that the person was like a sack of
potatoes. Under the same circumstances, the man moves away to not have to lie, and only
will if forced to give their opinion. He will say that the clothes are "interesting," tell a lie
as indirect "I do not know what to say," or simply saying that lie loved. And in those
cases where the man mind, most women know very well that he is lying.

The main question of the men who do women lie is:

"What it was good?"

The most common form of lie is self-deception, such as smoking two packs of cigarettes
a day repeating that it is not biased and can stop whenever you want, or convince
themselves that a calorie dessert not affect the system.
The evidence is clear - women lie as much as men, but lie differently. Due to heightening
awareness for women's body language and vocal signs, men are caught much more
frequently, which leaves the impression that lie more. They do not lie anymore. They just
continue to get caught.

Common lies that men tell women

"I'm not drunk" a lie is easy to get, especially because it usually sounds "Eooo a xtô
bêbadu. There is no reason to say that a person is not drunk - except for being really
"Once and for all, I never trance with that woman." The man who betrayed a lie until well
beyond any evidence because, in his head, has nothing to gain by telling the truth. Even
become aggressive, as if you were deeply offended, to defend themselves from charges of
"The sex with my ex was a drug." Sex is one of the constants of life of man - it is always
good, no matter where or when. If a man says that sex with the ex was a drug, it is highly
likely that he is lying. And they say that sex with ex was better than with you, lying also
likely to leave you angry.
"She is my friend. What 's wrong with that?" He says she is a friend from childhood and
who have no other interest in it.
But keep away from you and not to let her know. Other variants include: "She is lesbian,
she is just needing a friend to talk, she is going through a difficult situation and I want to
help, she is sick and wants me to go visit her, she does not feel anything for me; she
needs to tell me something very secret, so do not want you to go eat with us. "

Why not stick the lies?

Most lies can be detected because, in general, involve emotions that flashing red lights as
verbal or visual. On May the lie and the more emotions involved, more tracks will be left
by the liar. Try to disguise these tracks creates an emotional issue for the majority of us.
The closer a person, the more difficult it is to lie because of the emotions involved. A
husband has difficulty to lie to his wife if he really loves, but will not have the slightest
difficulty in lying to the enemy if captured in war. Here is the key to duck-logical liar: he
has no emotional connection with anyone, therefore, lie is easy.
If you see or not these tracks, is another problem.

Why women are so good at catching lies?

Most men know how difficult it is to run even a small lie to a woman face to face,
without being caught. If the man wants to lie to a woman, it is best to do so by telephone.
Most women have less difficulty to lie in the face of the man - in general if they can get
MRI scans of brain show that a woman has from 14 to 16 key points in the two
hemispheres when communicating face to face. These points are used to decode words,
signs and changes in body tone, and respond to a large extent by what is known as
"female intuition". The man has on average 4 to 7 of those points, because your brain is
more developed for spatial tasks than for communication.
The "hypersensitive" female has two goals: defend its territory against foreign and
communicate with the children. The woman must have ability to look at their offspring
and immediately identify the pain, fear, hunger, disease, sorrow and joy. Must be able to
rapidly assess the attitude of people who are close to their nest - whether friendly or
aggressive. Without these techniques of survival, she is vulnerable, in danger. For the
same reasons, the woman is able to read the emotions of animals. She knows I tell if a
dog is happy, sad, angry or embarrassed. Most men do not think that guy has a dog
required. The purpose of man hunter was always reach its target accurately and not talk to
him, advise him or try to understand it.

The man needs to reach its target accurately and not having a conversation with him
deeper and full of meaning.

As I said, the woman's brain is organized into multiple tracks, so that it can handle more
information at the same time. This gives you the added advantage of knowing how to
read the physical signs and hear what is being said while speaking. The man with the
brain of single track, you are informed at once and let go, so many physical signs.
The FBI agents learn to analyze the "micro-expressions" - the subtle expressions,
fleeting, lasting from a fraction of a second, people who are lying. For that use the slow
motion. There was, for example, that Bill Clinton lour for a split second before answering
any question about Monica Lewinsky. The woman's brain is programmed to read the
signs when they happen, which explains not only why they are much more difficult to
deceive, but also that they are often negotiating more perceptive than men.

Why do women always remember?

Erik Everhart, assistant professor of psychology from East Carolina University, and
colleagues from the State University of New York in Buffalo, found that boys and girls
from 8 to 11 years of age using different parts of their brains to identify faces and
expressions Boys most use the right side, and the girls, plus the left. Found that this
difference helps the girl to detect subtle changes of facial expressions, making them
better able to understand the state of mind of people. Read the mouth and eyes of
someone requires a more refined analysis than judging the emotions of the face piece.
Women are very good at remembering what was the lie that those who counted and
counted, while the men often forget their lies. The hippocampus - the part of the brain
used in language and the storage and retrieval of memory - is full of receptors for
estrogen and grows more rapidly in girls than in boys, giving women greater ability to
recover memories of things loaded with emotion.

Advice for men

Do not waste time telling a lie to a woman face to face. It is very difficult. If it needs, call
her or send her an email. Women not only have a greater ability to detect lies as they
have greater ability to save them as ammunition for future discussions.

Young people are more prone to lying, swindling, stealing

The younger the person, more prone to cheat. In the United States, a survey of 2002,
nine thousand adolescents and adults from all over the country, showed that a significant
number of people in the range 15 to 30 years is prone to lying, fraud and stealing.
We search for 3243 students from secondary school, 3,630 students and 2,092 adults.
About 33% of secundaristas and 16% of students admitted having stolen goods from a
shop on the previous year. A third of students in each group was told to put lies prone in
the curriculum vitae, in the forms and job interviews to get what they want, and 16% of
secundaristas said that it had done at least once. Sixty-one percent of secundaristas and
32% of students admitted to have circumvented the tests at least once in the previous
"I can trouble for something I did?", Asked the student.
'No', replied the director.
"Great, why did not the duty of the house."

The survey found that 83% of secundaristas and 61% of university lied to the parents
during the previous year. The researchers found that the dishonesty and other unethical
behaviors were less common among people over 30 years and lied that the two sexes in
equal proportion. The most disturbing was that 73% of those surveyed in the range 15 to
30 years said to believe that "most people cheat and lie when necessary to achieve what
they want." Based on this study, we could say that Americans are a bunch of liars and
fraudsters, but similar studies conducted across the West showed the same trend.
Unfortunately, these are symptoms of great moral crisis that rages in all societies,
symptoms that reflect a real
change of values in these societies. The children hear from parents that honesty is the best
result, but the bribe the guard to watch traffic, people flatter you do not like to give
excuses to justify a lack liars or cancel an appointment. It is different than being
instructed to pretend to like the gifts that have won or give a kiss on the annoying aunt
who will visit them. In such cases, it is a duty of kindness and just education.
The father is approaching heatedly discuss that next to a puppy.
"What is the reason for the fight?" Asks the father.
"We're doing a competition," replied the boys. "Who gains from the biggest lie the dog."
"That ugly thing!", The father responds. "I never lied!"
The boys were put to cry, apologize: "Dad, you got it!"

Ambiguous messages about the lie that children receive has a major impact on their
behavior when they grow up. Most parents do not realize, for example, that the severity
of punishment is a major stimulus to lie and one of the main reasons that children grow as
stubborn liars. Many of the behavioral patterns are liars down during childhood and
youth, and adulthood are triggered by figures of authority.

When all the known lie to you

Some believe that we should not trust anyone and that the world is full of liars. People
find this for two reasons: first, as they themselves are liars usual, assume that all other
people are. The second reason, more likely, is that the behavior of these people makes the
others lie to them. When someone reacts to what is said so aggressive and emotional,
almost forcing the others to lie. If people know that you are angry, too hurt or vengeful
when he hears the truth, will say, I avoid at all costs. If you are a person who offends
easily, never know what the other is really thinking or feeling about them, because they
will distort the truth to avoid reaction. If you ask the children to tell you the truth, then
the sanctions because the truth is not in line with its expectations, the teaching is lying to
protect themselves.

Why the lies of friends and family hurt more

The more intimate the relationship, cause more suffering to a lie, because the feeling of
betrayal is more pro-fund and you do not want to remove this person from your life. A
malicious lie told by her husband, wife, father, mother, brother or sister hurts deeper,
because the closer the person, the more we trust it, the more open to it. A lie told by a
brother, sister or child hurts more than told by an acquaintance, but tends to be forgiven,
because the person will be our brother, sister or child. The lie of a close friend also hurt,
but that person can be eliminated from our lives, at least for a time, just leaving to find
her. At the other extreme, we know that, in principle, the used car salesman will lie to us,
we surprised him with it and can choose to not see him ever again.

Clues to unmask a liar

How people feel uncomfortable with the lie, they instinctively seek to distance itself from
them. The FBI recently discovered this valuable clue, analyzing the words of suspects
who had alibis false. The liars leave the lies out of its references to themselves and
avoided using the word "I". Consider the example of a person who combines is with you
and not displayed. If later the demand and it says "My car broke down and had no cell
battery," you instinctively distrust most of what she said "My car broke and I could not
call you because the phone's battery was weak." The liars also avoid using the name of
the person involved in the lie. They prefer to say "I do not trance with that woman" than
"I do not trance with Monica."

Liars do not hesitate

Ask a person what she did last weekend and she will probably think a bit before saying
something like: "Ah ... I i in my brother's house after breakfast and then ... aah .. no, I saw
my brother after lunch, for that before-I had to go get my car in the workshop ... "
To recall the events of the day, people usually stop and change direction to try to put
things in order.
But the habitual liar not hesitate or forget. He tested his mind many times in the head and
is generally able to perform without error. His script is perfectly decorated and rarely
does it wrong.

Who does one turn is two

If you think a person is lying, if I act like every word. In the end she will betray an excess
of confidence in the performance. Ask liar to repeat what you think is a lie. Good liars are
able to make a second version identical. Then give a break to the suspect to let him think
that made it, then ask them to repeat a third time. As he does not expect this repeteco and
is more relaxed, generally the third response is not accurate and the story seems a little
different. Furthermore, due to the stress associated with the lie, the liar's voice becomes
more acute.

How to read between the what is said

You already talked with someone who seems less convincing as this? Examine some
common words and phrases, indicating that the person may be trying to hide the truth or
convince you of an emotion that she does not feel. The words "honesty", "sincere" and
"frankly" indicate that the speaker should be considerably less, honest and sincere than
states and can be sign that he is lying. For example: "Frankly, this is the best I can offer
you" is sometimes translated as "might not be the best that I have to offer, but who knows
you believe?". "I love you" is easier to believe than "Honestly, I love you." "Without
doubt" gives reason to doubt and "Without a doubt" is definitely a warning sign.
"Believe in what I am telling you" can mean "If I can make you believe me, you will do
what I want." The force with which the person who says "Trust me" try to convince the
other is proportional to the size of the bait. To feel that you are not believing it, or what
he is saying is not worthy of credit, he makes his observation with a "Trust me." "I'm not
kidding" and "I would lie to you?" are other versions.
Who is being honest, honest, trustworthy and decent credit need not convince anyone of
it. However, some honest people have the habit of using those words repeatedly.
Unconsciously do this by introducing a true statement, which will sound false. Pay
attention to your speech to see if you USA often these words and, if so, try not to
eliminate them is liable to generate mistrust.
"You understand?" or "Do you understand?" at the end of the sentence are irritating
mannerisms, because they give the impression that the listener is unable, and oblige him
to answer "I" to every request. There are people who exclaim "Bullshit!" when they hear
a fact which seems extraordinary, not mean that it will not believe what is being narrated.
But who has not always meant well. A friend was my ex-beats the classroom at the
college to respond with "Bullshit!" the statement of professor of religious sciences that
had more than a thousand shrines where the Virgin Mary operated miracles. She argued,
saying that was just expressing surprise, but in the end thought that it was untrue.

"Only" and "only"

The words "only" just "are used to minimize the meaning of words" which are then to
relieve the guilt of the speaker or p ra blaming the other for any unpleasant consequence.
"I only take five minutes of your time" is the USA, who will hire you for a full hour. If
the person says "You give me five minutes?" and you agree, it is more clear that a
contract gives you the possibility to interrupt the conversation past the time stipulated.
"Only U.S. $ 9.95" and "Only U.S. $ 40.00 for entry" is used to convince the consumer
that the price is insignificant. "I am just a human being" is the motto of those who do not
want to take responsibility for their mistakes. "I just wanted to say I love you" mask the
need for love is shy to say "I love you." And no woman believes the man who says "Just
a friend."
When you hear someone say "only" and "only" should think about why the person tries to
minimize the importance of what you're saying. Do you lack the confidence to say you
feel? Are you trying to fool? Or are you wanting to escape from their responsibilities? Of
course, not a rule, but should pay attention when you hear "just" and "only". Here is a list
of terms commonly used by people who want to convince them that speak the truth, when
in reality they want to force you to believe what they are saying. Remember, however,
that phrase alone is not evidence of dishonesty: it must be interpreted in its context.
- "Trust me."
- "I have no reason to lie."
- "Frankly Speaking."
- "I'm telling you the truth."
- "Why would I lie?"
- "To be absolutely frank / honest / honest with you."
- "You think I would be able to do such a thing?"

Some people try to use the organization to which they belong, have received or honor the
traditions of his family to convince you of their honesty. You may recognize some of
these phrases:
- "I do not belong to this type of people."
- "I never I would be such a thing."
- "As a member of ..."
It can also be a matter of uncertainty, but the fact is that people of character do not need
live testing its virtues. They live their values in a way that is visible and that gives them
credibility. Answers like these are given when the person is calling and not to respond
directly to a question.

Getting lie with the computer

The progress of technology of computer generated three interesting ways to detect liars.
The polygraph, which measures the breathing apparatus, the pulse and the relative
volume of blood is the most famous of lie detector. When the person is wanting to cheat,
a lie is detected by the physiological effects that are manifested as the increase or
decrease in heart rate, blood pressure, breathing and perspiration. When a person speaks
the truth, no change occurs in these indicators. Recent studies show that the accuracy of
the new computerized polygraph is close to 100%. These machines can now be seen in
programs of the TV interviews in which the American guests also tend to prove the guilt,
innocence or the fidelity of their partners. The polygraph is not accepted as evidence in
court, except when determined by the judge. Liars experienced less anxiety show that
beginners and are sometimes able to pass the test of the polygraph, while honest people
may be intimidated and lied to eventually classified as roses. There are also physiological
differences between people that may be source of errors in the polygraph test.

Paying attention to vocal tracks

There are three characteristics of voice capable of delivering a liar - height, speed and
volume. When the person is in a situation of stress, tension causes a tightening in the
vocal chords that makes screechy voice and can increase its speed and volume. Studies
show that 70% of the amount of voice crotch when lying. Conversely, the liar that
calculates the lie to ensure their effectiveness, speaking more slowly and reduces the
volume of voice. When a person is caught distorting the truth, their speech tends to be
dotted with uhms, AHS, ERS, and hem breaks because there was not enough time to test
the lie. This is most noticeable in men than in women, because they have the brain less
equipped to control the language.
Keep in mind that they are not satisfied that the person is lying, they show that it is
experiencing some kind of stress. There are people who lie comfortably, without
displaying too many signs of the stress, and others, like politicians and religious fanatics
who, they believe their lies, it does not show signs of fraud. But most of the liars give
many signs, most of the time.

Interpreting body language

In our book The Language of the Body body showed signs that represent more than 60%
of the messages exchanged between people. In the book, discussing the matter
extensively, but there are some signs you can see when someone is lying. Both men and
women take much to hand to the face when in doubt, feel insecure, exaggerate or lie. The
male gestures are easier to understand because they are more extensive and frequent:
rubbing eyes and nose, pulling the ear and bring the hand to the neck. There was, for
example, that Bill Clinton touched his nose and face 26 times when answered questions
about Monica Lewinsky before the grand jury.

When the person mumble a reply to a question directly, suspicious.

Interpret the whole

Never interpret a gesture alone. When someone rub the eye, may be itching, irritation or
fatigue. When it comes to lie in general at least three signs. If someone rub your eyes,
pull the ear, scratches his neck, take your fingers to rub the nose or mouth, nothing
guarantees that lying, but there is something she is not saying, and it is likely to be hiding
something. If it touches the face several times and at the same time says "trust me",
"believe me", "to be honest, it is reasonable to assume that you are listening to a lie.


Men and women smile the same way as when they lie and the truth. The smile that
accompanies a true statement, however, is usually rapid and symmetrical - the left side of
the face mirrors the right side. The fake smile is generally slow and asymmetric. When
people try to show that they do not feel emotions, your facial expressions are asymmetric.
In other words, your smile is crooked means.

Is in the eye

You probably learned to believe the liar never looks in the eyes. This is true for children
educated in Western culture and European. Mothers them said "I know you're lying
because you can not look in my eyes." In cultures where maintaining prolonged eye
contact is considered an ill-educated attitude and aggressive, this does not apply. In
addition, experienced liars can maintain eye contact when they lie, without further
difficulty. It is important to note if s eyes blink more often - a sign of growing tension
and dryness of the eyeball, resulting in forced eye contact.
The direction where to move the eye of the person when it is a question you can also help
you identify a liar, because it shows which part of the brain they are using, and a signal is
almost impossible to disguise. The deft, recalled when a real event, trigger the left side of
the brain and generally look to the right, and when invented a story, trigger the right side
of the brain and look to the left. In simple terms, skillful liars look to the left, look liars
left to right. This observation is not without errors, but is a strong evidence of cheating.

Signs that denounce the lie in men

1. Add involuntary facial movements. The brain tries to prevent the face of information.
2. Not maintain eye contact. His eyes fitam the void. If the room has a door, is where it
will look.
3. Crossing your arms or legs. It is an instinct for defense.
4. Smile with the lips closed. It is the forced smile used by both sexes for fake sincerity.
5. Deepening the pupils
6. Talk soon. Liars just want to finish with the conversation.
7. Shake your head indicating "no" when they answered "yes" and vice versa.
8. Hide your hands. Men find it easier to lie with your hands in your pockets.
9. Mispronounce or mumble the words. A liar think doing so is not lying.
10. Demonstrate warmth and laughter too. He wants to make you like it to believe it.

As not being a victim of lies

1. Sit in the chair higher. It is a subtle form of intimidation.

2. Descruze legs, open your arms and tilt it back. "Open up" to the truth.
3. Never say what you really know - does not show that you know they're lying.
4. The invading his personal space. If you get close, he will feel uncomfortable.
5. Mimic the posture and his movement to establish a communication and make it more
difficult for him to lie to you.
6. Give it an "exit". Try making it easy to tell the truth. Pretend not to hear or say that law
did not understand what he said. Always leave an exit for him to go back and tell the
7. Stay calm. Do not show surprise or amazement. If you react negatively or with much
emphasis, you lose the chance to be knowing the truth.
8. Do not accuse. Aggressive questions as "Why do not you call me?" and "Are you
seeing anyone?" may cause the liar is to secure its position and not improve anything in
your relationship with him.
9. Use the technique of self: "I felt a lack of your call," "I am sad when I think you're
seeing another woman." In the latter case, it is possible to continue denying it, but record
the suffering that their attitude question to you.
10. Give him one last chance. Ignore the lie and say "What can we do that does not
happen more?". If he thinks you miss the hook, the more likely it is to confess everything
and, at worst, to find a solution to not having to resort to lying again.

Finally, we asked our readers to send us the 9 phrases that men hear when they hide what
they really want:

dictionary of language patterns of male

The men never understand women and women will never understand men.
And that is something that men and women will never understand.
Chapter 9

How do you make people work?

Take the test

When the eyes of a man found the trellis in a room, how he reacts to you? This is
something that every woman thinks: what is the first impression of a man when he says
the first time? Most women want to know to what extent are attractive to men. Created
then this test to give you an idea of how they look. The test relates only to their physical
shape, appearance and presentation. It is a guide to the impact that you cause or ceases to
cause a man when he sees for the first time, based on responses from the male brain to
certain forms, proportions, colors, sizes, textures and female body language signals. The
influence of personality traits on their attraction to men will be discussed later. This is a
test to see how a man to evaluate the primeiva finding the time or were looking at his

1. Which of the following attributes best describe your body?

a. Skinny / straight.
b. Athletic / strong.
c. Heavy.

2. At the first meeting, how you dress for the man trying to impress?
a. With trousers or a long skirt, but with elegance.
b. Casual, not too flashy, with comfortable shoes.
c. Modern in short skirts and high heels to show the legs.

3. What type of shoe predominates in your wardrobe?

a. High heels, with and without straps.
b. Fashion shoes with medium heel.
c. Tiny shoes, or jump down, but elegant.

4. If you could buy a new clothes regardless of price, which would you prefer?
a. A long and undulating clothes that cover all problem areas.
b. A short clothes, fair and low-necked to let that show their physical gifts.
c. Terninho a stylish and well cut.
5. Measure your waist and hips and calculate the proportion waist / hip dividing the waist
by the hip. For example, if your waist measures 75cm and 100cm his hip, the proportion
is 75%. Their ratio is:
a. more than 80%.
b. 65 to 80%.
c. less than 65%.

6. When you are chatting with an attractive man that stops leg bigwig, what is your
a. Try to make it sit so that it can not see his body.
b. Stay near him with the legs unfolded.
c. Move the hair, is the language on the lips, lean hips and the caress your body to draw
attention to it.

7. If you ask a stranger to describe your ass, which he say?

a. Heavy load.
b. Smooth, thin or athletic.
c. Round / in the form of a peach.
8. When you pass your hand in the stomach, as he seems?
a. Compact / muscular.
b. Soft / smooth.
c. Protuberans / round.

9. How you dress for the evening out with friends?

a. With loose clothes that do not give any idea of the body that is underneath.
b. With a bra to lift the breasts and let the shows the neckline.
c. With an outfit just to highlight the silhouette.

10. Describe your makeup:

a. Colors and styles are in fashion.
b. Natural.
c. My face is my blade, I use much makeup, regardless of day or hour to get the best
appearance possible.

11. If Picasso was painting you would like?

a. Lean / angulosa / muscular.
b. Curvilinear.
c. Plump.

12. If you were invited to pose for Vogue, which would pose?
a. Looking over the shoulder, with hair pulled to the top of the head.
b. Back arched, hips recline, hands on hips and lips exposed.
c. Inclined to the front, the rear tilt and throwing a kiss to the camera.

13 - How would you describe the your neck?

a. Long, thin or thin.
b. Average length and thickness.
c. Short, thick and strong.

14. If your friends would describe her face, say:

a. Elegant / powerful features.
b. Infant / big eyes.
c. Full, but sincere.

15. You're going to a dinner in the light of candles and want to be sexy. What use
a. Neutral / natural color.
b. Bright red.
c. The color of fashion.

16. You're getting dressed to go to the Oscar party. You can use the earrings you want.
You choose:
a. Earrings of pearls and small diamonds.
b. Earrings with stones of medium size and pretty.
c. Long before diamonds.

17. As a man describe his eyes?

a. Large / child.
b. Almonds.
c. Small / tight.

18. Look at his nose in the mirror. As a cartoonist designer?

a. Greater.
b. Small as a button.
c. Medium.
19. Your Hair is
b. Middle
c. Short
20. How would you describe your appearance
a. Carefree
b. Sexy
c. Elegant
Your Score

Now calculate your score and see where you are classified in terms of its appearance
shows that of their sexuality. Always remember to two things: their personality traits
may, in the medium term, modify that image. And you can improve your appearance.

100 points or more: The goddess of sex

When the men see, they are immediately gaff. Pedestrians stop to work to work and
whistles when you pass. You are really an expert in the game of her sexuality and never
missing program. Men like to see it and deal. The next chapter will show you the reason
for their success and how to further improve its score.

66 to 99 points: Miss Elegance

Most women are in this squad. Means that you are reasonably successful in making men
feel attracted to you at first. If you got 78 to 99 points, just needs some work areas to
achieve what men want. If received 66 to 78, know that if we really invest in their
physical appearance, will have even more spectacular results.

Less than 65 points: Let's whim?

You probably believe that personality is more important than appearance, and it is being
right. But why not invest in their physical as well as invest in the intellect? Both of them
are its aspects. You can improve your presentation without compromising their beliefs.
Sign in to an academy to improve the form, for example, become more attractive to men,
will make you feel more beautiful and healthy and give you a great pleasure to live. The
attraction that you will hold on men is just one extra! You can also disguise their physical
imperfections dressed up in a way that emphasized their strengths. You might say that is
not interested in men who are no longer hypnotize by physical appearance. The problem,
however, is that even the most sensitive men and intelectualizados are at the mercy of
biology, at least in principle. Men feel women inevitably attracted by clear signs. Why
not work with it - whatever you dislike - to improve their appearance, knowing that so
attract a greater number of men and have more chance to choose? The next chapter will
show you how to become more attractive and why most men babam by women with
lower QLS and not look twice at you.
Chapter 10

The power of female sexual attraction

Case Study: Kim and Daniel

Kim and Daniel were already leaving a year and had decided to marry. Both loved the
relationship and thought that the other was the ideal partner. Daniel liked to see Kim
always went out together when stowed and thought that her appearance was a clear signal
that he had made the right choice. She said they liked to wear for him and especially how
he looked when she arrived. Four years after the marriage, Kim changed. There seemed
more care with the look inside, and when left with friends. Kim felt that now was as a
married woman need not impress anyone and most especially if store was loss of time,
money and energy.
At home after work, she always was in slippers and bathrobe, no makeup and the hair
drained. Daniel thought that maybe she was going through a difficult period at work and
once again take care. But began to irritate the fact that she is working to produce, while at
home was a tragedy. But Kim soon began to neglect when left with friends. Left to
makeup, do not shave and wore clothes that for Daniel, Kim left like her mother. It boiled
inside. This behavior he said he and his friends were not important, do not deserve any
effort on her part.

As men are visual creatures stimulated by the appearance of Kim was a discouragement,
and Daniel was leaving to look for her to do sex. For the first time, began to show cracks
in the marriage and he started to notice other women. In his office, where all were well
stowed and makeup and flirting with him, which, in addition to raising their self-esteem,
contrasted with the appearance of Kim.
Daniel decided to confront the situation and told Kim how she felt. She was angry, did
not understand why he could not love her the way she was. And found that the husband
was much more frivolous than she imagined. Daniel could not explain his feelings and
was blaming it for having touched on the subject.
Six months later, Daniel has been living with Kim and Jade, who met at work. Kim now
is related to a group of women who think men are all us idiots. Like it or not, the physical
appearance affects our ability to attract and keep a partner. People who know are up to
90% of their opinion about us in the first four minutes and assess whether we are
desirable in less than ten seconds. In this chapter we will examine the ingredients that
make men and women desirable and attractive to each other. That does not mean you can
not succeed with the opposite sex because it is not equal to Cameron Diaz or Brad Pitt.
But understanding how the process of attracting and employing some simple strategies in
your favor, you can easily become more captivating. The ancestral biological signs of
gender that we explain the working of the subconscious level, which is why we have to
react to them. This is a line of evolutionary psychology that says that in the brain of each
of us, there are patterns of behavior constructed by the waste needs of our ancestors.
What is more powerful, therefore: beauty and physical attraction and personality or
intelligence? They will be examined in this chapter. And to be as objective as possible,
put aside the theories of romantic love, the ideas about what is politically correct and
personal subtleties.

The theory of beauty

Every person emits signals, tangible and intangible, that make it desirable to the potential
partner. Messages are encoded and sent to tell others whether we are or not suitable for
their purposes. For men, the attraction occurs in the biological, when the woman displays
the skills that allow you to pass their genes to the next generation. For a woman, in turn,
is an attractive man who is presented as biologically able to provide you with food and
safety during the creation of children. This explains why many women tend to feel
attracted by older men.

Women like older men because they have more experience and more access to resources.

In both sexes, the answers to these early signs of attraction are programmed in the brain.
Beauty and sexual attraction is essentially the same thing: the original meaning of the pa-
plowing "beautiful" is "sexually stimulating". The evolution shaped our brains so that the
good appearance is a sign of healthy person and relatively free of diseases. The biological
purpose of beauty is attracting for breeding purposes.
Tell a person that she is beautiful or attractive is to say, the subtext biological basics, you
want to have sex with her.

What the science says

Polls (Eagly, Ashmore, and Longo Makhija) show that we automatically assign positive
traits such as honesty, intelligence, kindness and talent, the people of good appearance,
without being aware of it. Analyzing the results of Canadian federal elections of 1976,
the University of Toronto found that attractive candidates received a number of votes in
two and a half times larger than the non attractive. Subsequent research revealed that
73% of voters denied categorically that may have been influenced by the appearance of
the candidate and only one in eight voters are willing to at least consider this. This means
that they decided their vote on a subconscious level, without even know it.

Attractive to people better jobs, higher wages, have more credibility and even more
permission to break the rules than their less attractive correlative. Bill CIinton is proof.

Perhaps it is politically correct deny the impact of attractiveness in our decisions, but like
it or not, the evidence still saying that our brains are programmed to respond to the
physical appearance of the other. The good news is that we have control over many of the
determinants of our appearance and we can if we want, change things. You can choose to
become attractive.
The woman's body - which encourages more men

The "point" considered the most appropriate for the western woman in the nineteenth
century was a pale complexion, his face lightly colored and an air of delicacy and
fragility. Today the look emphasizes youth and vigor: the competition of beauty were
created exclusively to promote an image that reflects the attractiveness of women's

To display photographs of women "beautiful" to heterosexual men, researchers from

Massachusetts General Hospital found that these images activate the same parts of the
brain that cocaine and cash.

In the next two chapters you will know the results of 23 studies and experiments showing
what men consider attractive in the body of the woman and vice versa. Based on these
results, classify each part of the body in a ranking of attractiveness and explain the reason
for his influence.
In the last sixty years, almost all studies on the attraction reached the same conclusions
that came painters, poets and writers in the last six thousand years: the body and
appearance of women have more attractive on men than their intelligence and capacities,
even politically correct in the twentieth century. The man of the twenty-first century or
the same immediate things a woman as their ancestors, but as you see, the criteria for
male choice of a long term partner are not the same.

The wife is chosen for his virtue;

a concubine for her beauty.
Chinese Proverb

What makes a man attractive to a woman, however, is something very different. We will
examine it further. It is understood that the body of women has evolved as a permanent
sexual signaling system, developed to attract the attention of man.

Keep in mind that we are considering only the physical and geographical characteristics
of the body, as if assessing a potential partner through a photograph. Speaks to the things
we pursue in attracting someone before you hear the person talk or even to know who is.
At the end of this chapter, we discuss the non-physical factors related to the choice of our

Factors that drive men in order of priority

1. Athletic silhouette
2. Sexy mouth
3. Sick sinus
4. Long legs
5. Round hips / waist fine
6. Buttocks hemispheric
7. Eyes attractive
8. Long hair
9. Small nose
10. Lack of tummy
11. Arched back
12. Vulva arqueada
13. Elongated neck

Men prefer to look the brain because most of them see better than thought.

Stimulating 1: athletic silhouette

the first item in the list of men is the women's athletic silhouette. A strong and well
formed body is a sign of health and ability to tip in-breed, to escape the danger and to
defend the nest if necessary. Most men prefer a woman more fleshy than the lean,
because fat is an extra helping of breastfeeding successful. Few women know that
Marilyn Monroe, one of the biggest sex symbols of the world, was 44 and had dummy
and thick legs.

Stimulant 3: Seios tired

The breasts of women at the peak of their sexual and reproductive capacity - from
eighteen to twenty-five years of age - are the favorite of men. Are those that appear in the
center pages of men's magazines and in ads that exploit the fri-appeal. Most of the breast
consists of fat, giving you a rounded form and has no relationship to milk production.
The nipples of women without children are pink, and the mothers, dark-brown. Most of
the time the breasts of human females are the one clear purpose - sexual signaling. When
people went to four, were round and fleshy buttocks that played the leading role in the
attraction of males, females that covered the back. Since humans began walking upright,
the breasts become larger, have to attract the male that approached the front.
Dresses sutiãs cleavages and raise the breasts emphasize the signal to create a groove that
mimics the buttocks of women vis-tas behind. Some women are horrified when they are
submitted to the meaning of that groove. Others, however, use it to extend its advantage.

Why men have difficulty maintaining eye contact?

Because the breasts are not eyes.

All research shows that men like breasts of all types and sizes. Whether they are the size
of watermelons appear limõezinhos or - most men are passionately interested in them and
are crazy for a groove.
Stimulating 4: Long Legs
The vision of a woman with legs that seem to end in the axillae in men leaves a lasting
impression. The principle behind the legs of women as sexual sign is yes, pies. The more
legs you can see the man and the more long-gas they are the sexiest woman you think,
because the attention is attracted to the area where the right leg and left it encountered
tram. Never heard a man tell a woman she has beautiful long arms. Babies born with legs
cur-ing for body size, and this proportion does not change much in small children. But
when the girl reaches puberty and the hormones begin to flow on his body and
transforming her into women, the legs grow rapidly. Legs extralongas become powerful
non-verbal signs to tell the men that she is sexually maturing and is already able to
procreate. That is why long legs have always been associated with a powerful sexuality.

For a woman, a step to stardom.

For men, a stairway to heaven.

Most women unconsciously understand the dynamics behind the legs extralongas and
since teenagers, learn quickly how the thing works. Even in the cold days, wear high
heels and short dresses to give the impression that they have longer legs. Men like
women who wear high heels: they enhance the sexual profile of women stretching them
to the legs, the arched back, tilt the buttocks, reducing their feet and pushing the pelvis
forward. The high heels are, by far, the article by fri-appeal more efficient market.
Studies have shown that the length of dresses and height of jumps varies with the
menstrual cycle. When ovulado, women unconsciously choose more revealing dresses
and high heels. Perhaps this is an important lesson for parents: lock their daughters the
fourteenth to eighteenth day after the menstruation!

Stimulating 5: Round Tables / Cintura fina

For centuries women have used every kind of contraption to tighten the belt with the aim
of obtaining a per-made for hourglass. In search of femininity irresistible, came to suffer
deformities of the chest wall, breathing problems, reports, compression of organs,
abortions and surgical extraction of ribs. In the nineteenth century, women increased the
size of the hips and buttocks with pannier to flag potential getter. Later adopted the corset
to accentuate the hips and flatten the belly, thus demonstrating their readiness for
pregnancy and procreation.

I decided to get in shape.

The form that was chosen to round.

Stimulating 6: Buttocks hemispheric

The men believe the buttocks round, peach-shaped, the more attractive. The buttocks of
women store large quantities of fat to use in feeding and food reserves in difficult times,
so similar to the hump of the camel. Sculptures and paintings of the Stone Age abound in
images of women with large, protruding rear, a formation known as esteatopigia, which
can still be seen in some tribes of southern Africa. Hindquarters protruding is an ancient
sign of female sexuality so revered in Greece that a temple was built in honor of
Aphrodite Calipígia, "the goddess of beautiful buttocks."
In the nineteenth century, women had to keep the whole body covered in public. Young
people who wanted to capture the attention of men recreate the appearance of a large
back-ro wearing pannier. When the excessive fat, associated with neglect and poor
health, went out of fashion in the second half of the twentieth century, young women
began to make plastics and liposuction to reduce the size of the buttocks. The jeans also
became popular because it accentuated the buttocks and give them a look round and firm.
High heels were with the woman hunch, buttocks cram the quaver and the floor, which
invariably attracted the attention of men. Marilyn Monroe cut two centimeters of the left
heel of his shoe to accentuate your grinder.

A woman with healthy and fully capable of giving birth has a waist-hip ratio of 70%, ie
your waist measured 70% of your hip. Throughout the story, this pro-portion always
showed a great ability to catch the attention of men. They start to lose interest when the
proportion exceeds 80% or is less than 70%. Women whose ratio exceeds 100% arouse
little interest, to show accumulation of fat around the uterus and ovaries, a non-verbal
indicator of low fertility. The mother-nature usually deposit the excess fat away from
vital organs, 'why there is no fat around the heart, brain and testicles. Women who
already have a hysterectomy, have not most of the reproductive organs, usually
accumulate as men, deposits of fat around the belly.
Professor Devendra Singh, evolutionary psychologist at the University of Texas, led a
test that used images of women beneath the weight above the weight and normal weight,
showing them to groups of men asked to classify them in terms of attractiveness. The
women of normal weight with pro-hip-waist portion around 70% were the most
attractive. In the groups below and above the weight, women with waist thinner were the
favorite. The most remarkable discovery was that experience that men have to share waist
/ hip 70% the highest score, even when the weight of women was very large.

Stimulating 10: Absence of belly

Women have a more rounded belly as men, and no belly is a clear sign of non-pregnancy-
both for and willingness to male suitors. That is why the academies and salons of yoga
around the world is full of women doing abdominal exercises to get the perfect stomach
type "table of my house."

Stimulants 11 and 12: back arched and vulva

Curves and arches indicate femininity and fertility, geo-metric shapes and angles,
masculinity. Men around the world, therefore, like to women curvilinear. The greater part
than the back of the woman is closer to that of man, the lower, wider, and lumbar spine
more arched. The additional bending of the buttocks and back tilt pushes the breasts
forward. Ask any woman to assume a vertical posture and sexy you'll find is the preferred
position of the hook-up back and quaver of the hips, with both arms supported them to
occupy more space and increase the chance to draw attention. If you do not believe, ask
any woman to be on foot and make a sexy pose.

Stimulating 13: Neck elongated

the neck structures evolved in males as short, thick and strong to protect them from
breaks during the hunts and battles. That made the neck longer and thin women a
powerful sign of differentiation between the sexes that men like to kiss and see adorned
in jewels and cartoonists exaggerate to emphasize the femininity.

As the face attracts

Our interest in human faces attractive is something that seems to be part of our
psychology and does not depend on cultural backgrounds. The women's favorite features
are the small faces with short jaws, delicate jaws, protruding apples, Flesh lips and big
eyes on the size of the face. Above all, men like a grin and an air vulnerable. All races
prefer faces that emerged ability to play healthy. And to the face of a woman is generally
classified as "beautiful", the formula is clear - children should have a touch. These signals
cause reactions in parental brains of men and a powerful desire to touch, embrace and
For women, this often cause great anxiety with regard to aging. Look at how many these
days use plastic surgery to try to conserve or restore the youthful look.

Exciting 2: Boca sensual

Humans are the only press that these are the lips on the outside of the mouth. The
zoologists believe that the woman's lips moved as mirror of his genitals, because they
have the same size and thickness, and state of sexual arousal, is also expanding and is
filled with blood. This is known as "eco genital", a reaction that sends powerful signals to
men and that observers began to develop when we began to walk upright. The lipstick,
invented the first beauty salon in six thousand years ago, was used by Egyptians as an eco
genital permanent. And always had a single color - red. Men like their women to wear
lipstick and makeup by artificially give the signal that they are interested or feel excited
for them. The bright red lipstick is one of the main signs that a sexual woman can use. It
is always the favorite color of every woman who poses for sexual symbol.

The woman's face is a screen on which a daily basis

it paints a picture of me before her.

The excitement of women's sexuality can cause a flushing in the capillarity of its sides.
The blush is to recreate that effect. The base gives the skin a uniform appearance and no
stains that signals youth, good health and good genes.
For thousands of years, the size of the ear it was the indicator of sensuality, that bond still
exists in parts of Africa and in Borneo, among the tribes Kelabit and Kenyah. The
modern woman gets the same effect using long pending. Our tests with computer images
show that the longer the earrings of women, most men give their sensuality.
The feminists might say that these are good reasons not to use cosmetics or earrings, but
it is important that women understand the effects that these signs have in exploiting the
men and romantic meetings. Similarly, a woman who wants to be taken seriously in the
workplace should use less eye makeup and lipsticks colors more subtle. Excesses may
send a wrong impression to customers and cause of male rivalry in female clients.

Stimulating 7: Eyes attractive

In almost all countries, large eyes are considered attractive. The makeup enhances your
eyes and look the child rearing. Eyes that look great on the lower face in men inspire
feelings of security. When a woman finds a man attractive, if their pupils dilate and
mascara, eye liner and shadow to artificially create the impression that she is interested.
Contact lenses give the illusion that the woman's eyes are shining and the dilated pupils,
which explains why men find "strangely attractive" women who wear contact lenses.
Over you-do, the men show a preference for women of color and clear eyes.
Women began to use modern cosmetic when, in 1920, joined in greater numbers in the
workforce. Since then, the industry of perfumery and cosmetics reached a total value of
more than 50 trillion dollars a year - all with the purpose of creating the illusion of sexual
facial signs. Unfortunately, we have become so unaccustomed to see faces clean, as some
women believe to be ugly without makeup and use it as a mask to hide and not as an aid
to make their faces more seductive and mysterious. The men feel more attracted to
women who use natural rnaquiagem than by women who seem to have been molded to
reap the bricklayer.

Stimulating 9: Nose Small

Small nose is another reminiscence of childhood in men that produces feelings of
security. The cartoonists exploit this feature to a large extent, creating characters of large
eyes and small nose to win the hearts of your audience.

Bambi, Barbie and Minnie Mouse have small nose.

Will never see a female model with a large nose. The plastic surgeons usually modify the
nostrils to form an angle of 35-40 degrees to the face, giving them that look childish.
Today, even the actors are doing operations for the reduction of nose in line with the new
image of the androgynous man of twenty-first century.

Stimulating 8: long hair

If the person never cut his hair, he would reach about one meter long. The blondes have
140 thousand yarn hair, the cute 110 thousand and 90 thousand redheads. The blondes are
also in front of other things. Blond-haired women have a higher level of estrogen that
cute, something that only men seem to understand. They interpret as a sign of fertility,
which immediately attracts the - is this the real reason for the greater success of blondes?
The blond hair is also a powerful visual indicator of women's youth: it darkens after she
gives birth, and the blondes are the genuine public also laurels.
We did a survey with 5,214 British men, asking them what kind of hair seemed more
sexually attractive women. The result was predictable: 74% think the long hair of women
more sexually attractive, 12% of women prefer short hair, the other has no choice. In
remote times, long hair and bright and showed a healthy body well nourished and have a
history of health of its carrier and its potential for procreation. Considered that the long
hair gave the woman a sensual delight and the short hair indicated a more serious
approach to life. The lessons to be learned here is clear: the woman must use when long
hair and want to attract men hair short or pulled back in working meetings. In business, a
sexy appearance may be disadvantageous for women in a position of power or in a
branch where men predominate.

The link between attraction and pornography

See pornography is an activity almost entirely male. Ninety-nine percent of pornographic
sites on the Internet are addressed to men, and the vast majority of images of naked men
to be homosexuals. Women must understand that the men crawl the Internet in search of
shapes and curves that appeal to your brain. A man, when you see a pornographic image
of a woman, never knows if she does cook, play piano or fight for world peace. He is
attracted by the shapes and curves and the virtual suggestion that she is able to transmit
their genes. It never occurs if it has a nice personality.
The men of past generations would also like to feast your eyes with erotic images of
women, but through paintings. The artists who carved, painted or drew pictures of naked
women were almost all men.

The impact of women's clothing on men

The discussion of the effects of women's appearance requires some understanding of the
history of clothing. For centuries, the clothes of women emphasized their physical skills
in order to attract the attention of potential suitors.
Until the beginning of the feminist movement in the 1960s, women wore it for the reason
of all: to attract men and other women overcome. The feminism that said women dress to
attract men is not more important - the inner beauty now had more than the appearance,
an idea that attracted millions of women everywhere. They believed then that could be
free of oppressive obligation of having to always be beautiful for men.
Styles as punk and grunge came as opposition to the use of clothing to attract men and to
show the world that men and women could be equal in regard to appearance. This code
antiatração of clothing has evolved to the point that in 1990, the models begin to have no
female bodies, emaciated-looking, use the black lipstick and nail until the display dark
olheiras as if they were doped. This appearance has little success with the heterosexual
men, who rarely attend the fashion show. In the case of the Miss Universe, however, over
70% of the audience are formed by men who want to see women showing signs able to
stimulate the reactions of their ancestral brain.
The modern woman has two basic codes of dress: clothes and work clothes of non-work.
The costume gives it a professional position of equality with men and women of business
and, secondly, it allows women to overcome further demonstrate the success, power, the
importance and attractiveness of what the dresses.

The key to a successful clothing business is simple. How does the person you want to
influence you waiting for? How should your makeup, her jewelry, her hair and clothing
to ensure an image of credibility, reliability and integrity in business? If you are a branch
it is necessary to men sell their expertise and management, most signs of attraction that
we discussed are inappropriate. However, if your business is selling the very picture
female - cosmetics or clothes for example - many of the signs we discuss can be used

If you have marks or scars, a birth defect or a feature that really does not like, is perhaps
the case to a plastic surgery. Most people who have expressed satisfaction with the
In a typical week, the average person is exposed to more than five hundred images of
human beings "perfect" in magazines, newspapers, billboards and television. Most of
these images is the product of technology, such as airbrush, highlight of makeup,
computer graphics and effects of light. They rarely show the real person.

Do not compare with the images of women's magazines.

They only make you feel ugly.

Plastic Surgery Today, an increasing number of people are opting for plastic correction
(correction sounds better than surgery) to improve the appearance. In the United States
alone, more than a million people are treated under the knife every year the main reason
that people choose this path is to improve self-image and self-confidence, increasing
capacity to deliver the signals discussed here. The celebrities are the most common
The fix plastic is not new. Centuries before the liposuction and breast implants, had
padded mesh for men with calves too thin, iron corsets for women and pudgy pannier for
them to increase the buttocks and hips. King Henry VIII wore a padded zipper to increase
their virility and small Syphilitic and compete with the French royal. The it was
decorated with jewels and emblems.

But it is important to understand that plastic surgery does not make you a better person or
more beloved, nor solve the problems of life. The only person who thinks you look for is
probably a problem with their self-image. It is not the type of person with whom you
should want to connect.

The other side of attraction

Why Men Have Sex and Women They Love? records the results of a survey of fifteen
thousand men and women about what they seek in a partner. The relationship is:

What men look for in a partner

A. At first sight:
1. Good appearance.
2. Well-turned body.
3. Breasts.
4. Buttocks.

B. In the long term:

1. Personality.
2. Good appearance.
3. Intellectual capacity.
4. Mood.

The A shows what we already know - men are visually stimulated beings who enjoy
looking at attractive women. Most women understand the science and research has
proven many times, but not "politically correct" recognize it. The feminists in general
abhors the idea of a woman be judged by their physical appearance and classified the
men of superficial and frivolous. But that does not change the fact that the first reaction
of these women is overwhelmingly visual. A list of the items are visual, so you must
remember that it is making its debut presentation of. But this is not the case with the B
list: a "good appearance" is the only visual item that men seeking a partner for the long

As the visual signs are so important to man, he unconsciously USA the appearance of
women as a measure of respect and love she has for him. He thinks that if she spends
time with the appearance, it is because they feel attracted. One of the major complaints of
men in actions of divorce is that the wives after the marriage, left the appearance
disposed down the drain. They say they used the appearance to attract them and then
thought it was no longer necessary. Most men are disappointed with the only woman who
dresses for work colleagues. Women, however, have difficulty to understand them here,
for not bind with the same intensity to their love appearance.

For a woman, have sense of humor does not mean tell jokes.
I mean laugh of his jokes.

It is inevitable: their appearance influences the response to treatment and the other given.
Also influences their self-image and behavior. Most components of their appearance
depends to a greater or lesser degree, of their actions. There are courses of clothing and
etiquette to learn to walk, sit, talk, dress, makeup on and so on. The bookshops are full of
publications on the subject. Department stores often offer free makeup they teach the
customers to choose and apply cosmetics. A good hairdresser can you recommend the
best way to get the hair, the beautician, from skin care, and dentists, to fix their teeth. The
weight is also subject to control, because a competent nutritionist teaches you good eating
habits and exercises in a gym will give you the way you want. If you absolutely must,
have to make a new nose, increase the breasts, remove the signs of aging. In the XXI
century there are few legitimate reasons for you not get the look you want.
The sexual attraction is 50% what you have and 50% what people think you have.
Zsa Zsa

This research shows two things. First, men focus on visual images in his first encounter
with a woman, and overall appearance is more important than the body beautiful. This
means that the way a woman dresses, the makeup and style are worth more points than
quilinhos the most, some small bones and sinuses. Secondly, the long-term man is more
interested in personality, intelligence and sense of humor of the woman, but a "good
appearance" is still high on their list price. The good news is that you have a broad
control over most of their appearance and can change things to fit.

"You will still love me when I become old and white hair?", She asked.
"I not only I love her ', he replied," I like to write.

We are not suggesting that women should have the obsession with appearance as often
occurs, but it is important that it strives to have the best appearance possible.

There is no ugly woman, woman is lazy.


Above all, you can become more attractive is developing intellectually and emotionally.
There are women who, although they are not physically beautiful, become so interesting
for its human quality, his gift for communication and intelligence, leaving behind many
of the sex goddesses.
Men may rave bold with breasts and women with biceps of steel, but the polls show that
in the end, the related-ments have more to do with spirit than with the matter. The key
ingredient is the flame inside that comes from self - sexual, emotional and professional.
In other words, make it an interesting person and they will not realize their physical

It is fact that the woman's appearance can attract or repel the man in the relationship.
Many women are angry with this. You think this is an unjust man in gray and wrinkle-be
distinct and mature, and the woman in the same situation, just an old. But this is the case.
No additional tapir is bored with it and look if the complaining that you can not change.
So the men - and women - think. Do not fight it. Manage its consequences.
If you are dissatisfied with some aspect of their appearance, change. You have the
resources to do so. And if not to attract a man, do it by yourself.
Chapter 11

How is your concept to women in terms of attractiveness? They feel the irresistible - or
are you indifferent? You are attractive or repulsive? Take the test now to see your score
with women. In the next chapter you will learn all the secrets about what women seek to
be a real man. The test records the points you receive - in physical and non-physical -
every time a woman knows. After doing the test, ask their friends to take notes for your
answers and compare the result.

Take the test

1. You go to the TV show "Meeting the dark" and a candidate asks you to describe your
body type. What is your response?
a. In the form of "V".
b. Rectangular.
c. Redondo.

2. You think the man should be:

a. 100% monogamist.
b. Compromised, but think occasional flirtations contributing to the ongoing relationship.
c. Freedom of compromise - the open relationship is the way of the future.

3 - If you ask women to describe their ass, they say:

a. Heavy load.
b. Small and compact.
c. Lean or without ass.

4. Your income is:

a. Below average, but I prefer to work part time.
b. Reasonable for my age and experience.
c. Significantly above average.

5. You asked women to describe their mouths. What do they respond?

a. Happy.
b. Neutral or down.
c. Gentle / kind.

6. Take the measure of your chest, divide it by the hip measurement and then multiply by
100. For example, if your chest measures 91 cm and 106 cm their hip, their proportion is
85.8%. Their ratio is:
a. 100% or more.
b. 85-95%.
c. Less than 85%.
7. As you have hair?
a. More or less half (large entries, for example).
b. Almost the whole.
c. Bald head or scraped.

8. How is your sense of humor?

a. I am a goner.
b. Can be the joy of the party.
c. I need to improve on that.

9. If a woman passes his hand over her belly, which will feel?
a. A barrel.
b. A well defined abdomen.
c. A smooth surface.

10. As a woman describe your eyes?

a. Distant / cold.
b. Fun / malicious.
c. Kind / gentle.

11 - Size is paper? You think for women the size of the penis is:
a. Not important.
b. Relevant.
c. Very important.

12. Look in the mirror. Describe your chin and your nose.
a. Average, seem appropriate to my face.
b. Solid nose, protruding jaw.
c. Small nose and chin.

13. You have been invited to a party and heard that there are many women that you are to
impress. How to dress?
a. Social pants and shirt, shoe leather.
b. Jogging and tennis.
c. Shirt and jeans with tennis shoes.

14. His thighs are:

a. Muscle / angles.
b. Long / thin.
c. Plump.

15. If a woman is distressed, sad or anxious:

a. You probably will not notice.
b. You will know immediately.
c. You probably notice, if a little talk with her.
16. Do you ever:
a. Use beard.
b. Being with his face and shaved.
c. Be beard of three days.
17. What is the extent of their conversation?
a. I know a lot about people, places and things. b. Reasonable coverage.
c. I understood in my area.

Seu Placar
Your Score
Questão Pontos A Pontos B Pontos C
Question Point to Point B Point C
1 7 5 3
1753 2 9 1 O
The 2 9 1 3 3 7 5
3375 4 3 5 4
5315 5 3 1 5
6194 6 1 9 4
7145 7 1 4 5
8351 8 3 5 1
9 5 3 1
10 3 5 9
11 3 7 5 10 3 5 9
12 1 5 4 11 3 7 5
13 5 3 1 12 1 5 4
14 5 1 3 13 5 3 1
15 1 9 7
16 3 4 5 14 5 1 3
17 9 7 3 15 1 9 7
16 3 4 5
Now total the points and see the ranking of their 17 9 7 3
90 points or more: A Gatão
Wow! You can consider a magnet for women. Send them the right signs and how to
enhance their skills to attract them. But careful not to make their appearance too perfect,
because they may find that you are superficial and obsessed with itself, which for most
women is a discouraging factor. They do not want selfish men. No woman wants to
compete with its partner the mirror.
47 to 89 points: A cat
Most men belong to this category. You have a reasonable ability to use their skills to
attract women-the women. If you are close to 89 points, need not improve much. Just
take a look at the questions that not many points scored and read the tips of the next
chapter. E is close to 47 points, you have a base that needs to be quite worked. The next
chapter will show you how.

46 points or less: A cat pooch

You might ask why women are fleeing from you, and console is saying that man prefers
women beer is BOIOLI. For you, the friends are more important than women. If you
want to become attractive to women, will need help! Women like men who have
personality, that are laughing, they are sensitive to their needs and have ambition and
talent to move up in life. Fortunately, you can learn most of these things. Think about
how women will see the fun of your life looking for you in a different way!
Chapter 12

The first thing you will notice in this chapter on sexual attraction to men about women is
that it is half the size of the chapter that deals with female stimuli on men. This is
because, as I said, the female body has evolved as a signaling device sexual, sending
messages to men about women's ability to be a carrier healthy and successful in their
genes. The female sex appeal is a complex and sophisticated, the male sex appeal is more
basic and direct.
Since the beginning of time, women are attracted by strong men and healthy, able to
obtain food and protect the family. Very little has changed in that respect, but the woman
in the XXI century and more than their ancestors: a man who wants also to meet their
emotional needs. Your brain has, therefore, in search of two basic requirements: hardness
and softness. Hardness means that the partner is taken, must have virtues that provide the
best possible genetic he-rity for their children, bringing them the chance of survival. One
way of identifying these characteristics is the symmetry of the human body: the left side
of his body should mirror the right hand, with members of the same size. This is totally
different from how men see women. They look for faces - and no bodies - symmetrical.
But both sexes see - even unconsciously - such symmetries as indicators of youth and
health, just as the symmetrical flowers are more attractive to bees because they have
more nectar, and the symmetrical animals tend to live more than non-symmetrical.

The symmetry of the human body is more important for women than facial symmetry -
why the champions of boxing often attract beautiful women

Among humans, the attraction for women firm and symmetrical men may vary with the
menstrual cycle. An es-all done in Scotland found that the type of male faces more
attractive for women varies according to the phases of the menstrual cycle. If you
ovulado, she feels attracted to men with characteristics Manly and harsh. When the
probability of conception is highest (more or less in half of the menstrual cycle), women
are more prone to choose a man hard and for a symmetrical relationship of short-term.
As partners in the long term, however, women tend to choose men who invest in the
relationship and the creation of children, are symmetrical or not. Judging is attractive
only by the appearance (which is what we are doing here), the symmetry plays a
significant role in female choice. In Britain, DNA tests show that 10% of babies born in
marriages are not children of the partner. It seems that the wife chosen by their ability to
from the pain, but was looking good genes elsewhere.

What the science says

Polls conducted in the United States show that attractive people earn 12-14% more than
their fellow non-attractive (and Hammermesh Biddle). The concern here is that attractive
people receive more favorable treatment in court, resulted in minor penalties and fines
lower (Castelloe, Wuensch and Moore, 1991 and Downs and Lyons, 1990). In
Pennsylvania, a study of the attractiveness of 74 men accused, which started before their
trials, showed that attractive defendants received sentences not only lighter, but had two
times more likely to escape the prison of the defendants non-attractive. This explains why
the biggest cheats people are almost always attractive.
A study of the damages awarded in negligence cases found that, when he had better look
to the victim, the average compensation was $ 5,623. But when the victim was more
attractive to the accused, the average compensation was $ 10,051 (Kulfa and Kessler,
1978). The evidence shows that, if members of the courts had the power not blindfolded
to see the accused, the results would be significantly different.
This may seem dispirited, but looking on the bright side, since no one has the possibility
to improve their appearance, becoming more attractive to other people, just to make it a
conscious decision. The sexual responses of women are caused by certain visual aspects
of the male body. Here they are, in order of priority.

The main factors stimulating women

1. Athletic body.
2. Chest and broad shoulders and muscular arms.
3. Small and firm ass.
4. Hair tired.
5. Sensual mouth.
6. Kind eyes.
7. Nose and strong chin.
8. Narrow hips and muscular legs.
9. Lack of tummy.
10. Large penis.
11. Beard of three days.

Stimulating 1: Body athletic

Topping the list of female attractive male body is athletic-looking, in the form of "V". A
strong and athletic body is a sign of good health, which indicates the potential of man to
get food and defeat his enemies. Even in our age of supposed gender equality, where
large breasts and biceps topping are of little practical use, these signals also stimulate the
brain of the woman when she evaluates potential partners. The V in also attracting a
woman, because it is the opposite: it has the shape of an inverted V. Where she has
curves and softness, the man has angles and strength and it is this difference which is so

Exciting 2: Chest and shoulders and long muscular arms

The upper body of the male hunter is large, close to the height of the hip, while the body
of the woman is more narrow in the shoulders, extending in the hips. The men developed
such characteristics to carry heavy weapons and take their prey home.
Broad shoulders are a male character, often copied by women in search of affirmation. To
appear wider in the shoulders and occupy more space, they put their hands on hips.
Women who use the professional environment Epaulettes are seen as more positive.
There is another reason that the shoulder strap give status to men. The male breast is
enlarged to house large lungs, providing a better distribution of oxygen and allow them to
breathe more efficiently by running or hunt. The bigger the breast, more respect and be a
man requires. When modern man reaches his goal, his chest still "full of pride," and the
boys still associate the upper torso and the masculinity formed.
The men have forearms longer than women, which give the best shot and shot, and
therefore more ability to the role of provider. The hairy armpits were always a feature
heavily male. The armpit hair retains the smell of the sweat glands segregated, which
contain a musky pheromone that stimulates the brain of women sexually. The same
happens with the breast and pubic hair. Women are certainly attracted by a male torso
well defined, but most do not like the genre "muscle-man" because you think that kind of
man is probably more interested in their beauty than in her. A look athletic, healthy, to
stimulate, and discourages the kind Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Stimulant 3: Bunda and small firm

The male monkeys do not have protruding buttocks and hemispheric-only humans have.
So that we could stay upright and walk on two feet, the gluteal muscles of the thigh had a
tremendous expansion. The ass has always been the object of jokes, a part of the body
usually treated with humor and disdain. Why then the women are interested both in the
ass man? Why do you feel desire to move your hand? Why look like photos of a man
with beautiful butt? Small and firm buttocks are the favorite of women worldwide, but
few are women who understand the reason of his magnetism.
The secret lies in the fact that firm and muscular buttocks provide vigorous forward
movement during the sexual act. Men with flaccid buttocks fat or have difficulties with
these movements, tending to throw the whole weight of the body of the woman. For a
woman it is not ideal, because the weight of the man can cause him discomfort and
hamper their breathing. Men with small and firm buttocks indicate a greater chance of
working more efficiently.

Small and firm buttocks indicate greater chance of conception.

Beat naked buttocks is a practice that attracts long sadistic and masochistic, and many
men and women to consider a sexual stimulant. The redness of the buttocks is similar to
the state of women's sexual arousal and stimulation of nerve endings on the buttocks is
transmitted to the genitals. In other words, when a woman knocks on the buttocks of the
man, it really is encouraging to have an erection.

Stimulating 4: Hair tired

Throughout history, hair on his head has always been considered a distinctive male brute
force. In the Middle Ages was thought that the hair had magical powers, why cut it fuses
in camafeus to save and use in religious ceremonies. In the case of monks, shave the head
was seen as a sign of humility before God. Samson lost his strength when he had his hair
cut. A head full of hair always represented the strength and power of man, so that the
attraction has on women.
About 50% of women give high importance to the fact that humans have an abundant
mane, which however is a low priority for others, many of which find attractive calves
head or scraped.
The male baldness is inherited and its cause is the overproduction of male hormones.
They irrigate the hormone system, disabling certain papillae capillaries, generally located
at the top of the head. Due to higher levels of hormone, men Calvos are generally more
aggressive and more sexually excited than their fellow non-Calvo, which makes the
baldness a sign of exaggerated masculinity. The masculinity transmitted by a head Calva
accentuates the difference between the sexes and is therefore a stimulus for many women.

For some, one is bald.

For others, it is a sex machine.

We have experience using computer-altered images of male head with varying degrees of
baldness, which show the volunteers asked to say that the impression caused on the
desktop. Found that the more bald man, the greater the impression of power and success
that it transmits and the lower the resistance potential of people to their authority. The
tired men with hair on the other hand, were seen as less powerful and less well-paid. A
head Calva is therefore a powerful showcase of testosterone. Many men suffer from
baldness, real or potential, and feel frustrated because they can not do nothing about - the
only safe way to prevent baldness is castration before puberty, which is not
recommended. But they must take into account that compensation for baldness is the
enhancing of its aura of masculinity and power.
During the search we did for our book Rude and Politically Incorrect jokes (Jokes rude
and politically in-correct), we found that only men have the bald jokes, women rarely do.
This is due in part to the solidarity of women with the discomfort that baldness brings
men and partly to the fact that baldness is a sign of masculinity. Rather than see her as a
weakness and something to joke, many women feel encouraged by it and even like to kiss
or fondle the man's shiny dome.

Stimulating 7: strong nose and chin

the nose, the chin and face strong was formed to protect the man on the face of blows
during the fight and hunt, and so remain today as powerful symbols of masculinity. Men
with high testosterone are more and more protruding jaws. Push the chin forward is
considered a gesture of defiance. The down chin is associated with fear and perplexity,
and is not popular among women.
Since the times of Rome, the size of the nose of the man is associated with the size of the
penis, that myth is not supported by research. The only thing that the nose has in common
with the penis is the way he stresses on the front of the body. What was discovered,
however, is that the nose of man, the same way as the penis, is filled with blood in the
state of sexual arousal and its temperature has increased by about six degrees.

Stimulants 5 and 6: Boca sensual and gentle eyes

To describe the lips and eyes of women, men tend to use words like "wet," "sexy,"
"delicious," "inviting," "succulent" and "erotic." Women, however, to describe the mouth
and eyes of men, using words like "tender", "sensitive", "attentive", "protectors" and
"loving." But words are not used in the literal sense to describe the physical observed.
The women use to refer to their perception of the attitude of man. Here is an additional
proof of the difference between the sexes: men see the characteristics in themselves,
while women look beyond, in search of excitement.
As the eyes, the women have more white than those of men because the female brain is
configured as a communication tool next. The white of the eye is an auxiliary
communication face to face, which allows the person to track the direction of gaze of
another, obtaining information about their attitude. Most animals have little or no white
in the eye, because the seekers are the bodily signs of other animals over long distances.

Stimulating 8: Hip close and muscular legs

The powerful legs and angles of the human male are the longest among all primates. The
narrow hips allow men walk long distances quickly in hunting and persecution. The wide
hips mean that many women have difficulty in running, because the ankles and feet out
from the side to balance the weight of the body. The great North American
neuropsychology Davendra Dr. Singh found that for women, men who have a ratio waist
/ hip of 90% are more attractive. The legs of the man is attractive to women only as
symbols of power and resistance men.

Stimulating 9: Lack of tummy

In remote times, when food was scarce, a large belly was a symbol of status, because it
showed that its bearer had resources to eat as I wanted. In modern society, where food is
abundant, a prominent gut is seen as a sign of neglect and little regard for the health
personnel. Well-defined abdominal muscles have never been the object of special
admiration in male anatomy. This view was constructed by fitness centers and equipment
manufacturers, trying to convince us at all costs that can not live without an athletic

Stimulating 10: Penis large

Among all primates, man is the one who has the biggest penis. For thousands of years,
the size of the penis was attached to the power of man and his skill as a lover, but that
power is more head than in the sexual organ. Despite the members that can be digitally
magnified view web sites in the penis longer officially registered media 36 cm, and there
is no relationship between the size of the body, nose, and the foot size of the penis. The
erect penis measures 14 cm on average and the vaginal canal of most women is 9 cm
long, with the bulk of its sensitivity in the first 5 cm. The truth is that a man with an
erection of 8 cm is able to do better service than a man with a 18 cm, because the shorter
penis may reach the right place with more precision. The euphoria of some women to see
men of large penises seems more a reaction to the male's apparent that what the size of
the body can actually accomplish. In a happy relationship, a woman rarely takes into
account the size of the penis. In the separations painful, but they are sometimes taken to
mean that the ex-partners have small penis as a form of revenge.

The boy was terrified the first time that

would have sex with his girlfriend, because she was sure
that his penis was too small.
But how could not postpone forever, eventually inviting her to go to their
Arriving there, he lowered the light and began to strip.
Then, carefully, began Despi her and stroking her.
Nervous, he finally put the erect member in her hand, wishing she did not notice the
size. "No, thanks', she said," I do not smoke. "

The change is not programmed women to sexually excite the vision of the male genitals,
contrary to what occurs with men. The male pornographic magazines show women with
their legs fully opened, standing or lying in front and back, while all attempts to sell
women pornographic images of men failed. Are only successful with the gay audience.

Stimulating 11: Barba for three days

Man is the only primate that have significantly longer hair on the face than in the rest of
the body. The hair of monkeys and chimpanzees have the same length throughout the
body. Are the male hormones that cause the growth of hair of the face. The higher the
level of testosterone of men in a day, the faster they grow. Consequently, the beard of
three days is a powerful visual sign of masculinity often used by men to compensate for
your face kid. The majority of women agree, for example, that Tom Cruise is much more
sexy than with beard shaved. Stress and illness diminish the level of testosterone, which
is why the sick man is not stressed or need to shave so often. But the man who returns to
noon a shadow of five in the afternoon gave the impression that he is crazy for action.

What women want the long term

Here is the result of research on what women expect to find a man.

What women look for in a man:

1. Personality.
2. Mood.
3. Sensitivity.
4. Intellectual capacity.
5. Healthy body.

The men have two lists: the first sight and of seeking a long term partner. Women,
however, only have a list. They want men to be attentive, intelligent, humorous, loyal and
understanding. If the man has a beautiful body, she sees him as a bonus, but in general
this is not a priority. Unlike humans, it does not take a look as an indicator of the feeling
he has for her. If the man is wearing badly or starts getting paunchy, even if the woman
does not like, rarely gives greater importance. This fundamental difference between men
and women involved much
frustration and misunderstandings on both sides. The woman must understand that their
appearance is important to humans and can even seriously affect the relationship. Men
need to learn that the woman measures the depth of the relationship by the attitude they
have with it.

The woman wants a man who is loving, caring and communicative,

but strong, robust and masculine.
The problem is that it can not have it, because he already has boyfriend.

Polls and surveys have shown how important it is to man the physical attractiveness of
women, he believes, in its first meeting in less than ten seconds. But for the selection of a
permanent partner, he USA a number of different criteria. The woman who likes her man
is attractive, but their physical form and appearance are crucial to his work and social
position. Are extra. The woman begins and ends the selection of the partner with the
same list of criteria. If man is able to make her laugh, it is sensitive to your needs, you
know talk about many issues, has plans to progress continuously and is still on top is
straight, you will never miss program.

To make a man attractive, you need first of all work their techniques of communication
and relationship. You need to listen with interest and empathy that women have to say,
this is pure practice, there is no school that teaches it. Buy books that speak on how
women think and feel. We recommend our Why Men Have Sex and the Women They
Love? and What Women Want Men to Know, by Barbara de Angelis. Then, if necessary,
seek a better job, which brings you more satisfaction and you better realize their
potential. Women are attracted out by men who show be going to the front in search of a
better position in life. Even the women self-sufficient and financially independent feel
attracted by men who have as good protectors and from the pain. The man need not be a
millionaire, but have plans and goals and be committed to them. Enter for a course that
allows you to expand your knowledge. This will allow you to talk to women about a
variety of subjects. The dance has always been a preliminary demonstration of erotic
female, therefore, registration is a school of dance as soon as possible.
And finally Book to a gym and get in shape. Change the cutting of hair at least once
every three years and look for wear clothes that promote their appearance. Do it for
yourself and see how it will look more attractive to women.
There is some reason why man has not or does not do the things you want in life - except
excuses. Do not complain - just do it!
Chapter 13
OUANDO the hunter
Hang The ARC

The retirement

In developed countries, the number of people about to retire grows at a speed amazing.
Thanks to advances in medicine, not only a larger portion of the population is enough to
retire, how to live long after they retire. The number of people living, have at least 10
years after they retire doubled in the last 60 years.
Before 1940, only a small portion of the population lived beyond the age of 65. Who had
not achieved financial independence, or live in poverty, continued working until death or
were sustained by children.
Between the 1940s and 2020, the average life expectancy worldwide has increased by
more than 50% - from 46 to 72 years. In the year 2020, more than a billion people have at
least 60 years of age.

Within each person there is an elderly couple thinking:

"What the hell happened?"

Developed countries are now obliged to devote an increasing share of their budgets to
maintain and care for its population of elderly.

Many countries have adopted compulsory contributions to the system of national

pensions, but the problem is the relationship between the number of contributors and the
pensioners. In the United States, for example, the rate fell from 9: 1 to 4: 1 since 1952. In
2010, Japan will have less than two people working for every retiree, a problem
compounded by the fact that the Japanese live today more than all the peoples of the
world. The life expectancy of Japanese women born in 1993 is 82.51 years and for men,
Governments around the world face this problem continuously. Financial institutions
operate in heavy selling of private pension funds. The shelves of bookstores, is so full of
titles about financial independence and retirement plans-ment. But there are two
problems which do not give due attention: first, the psychological effects of retirement on
men and, second, the effects of retirement on relationships and how to deal with women


Graham thought retire and go live on the beach as would enjoy permanent vacation.
Would spend the days in an idyllic paradise - taking sun, swimming, eating out, sleeping
late and relaxing. And in the first few months was exactly what he did. But little by little,
the melancholy of retirement began to weigh. Graham came to understand a. difference
between taking a few vacation days, embedded in an intense training schedule, and enjoy
them for the rest of life.
As for most men, work outside the focus of the life of Graham. For over 40 years he
wakes every day knowing exactly what had to do. Now, for the first time, he had the
feeling of having nothing to do. And started to worry about the problem of how to fill all
this free time. At work he was known and respected.
Occupied an important position, to attend many meetings, train new employees and solve
the problems of the world. On the beach, but nobody knew him or wanted his opinion for
anything. Lost prestige. Felt lack of professional involvement with people and the daily
mental stimulation that he provided.
Suddenly he was aware that jumping from a train at work to express a tram pulled the
donkey on the beach. Instead of juggling with two or three problems to gain time, he
cooked the issues now to fill the time. The call that he expected the company to continue
providing its essential services such as special advisor never came. For some time he
remained in contact with colleagues at work, but the calls were rareando. Before he was
Dr. Important - now was the Invisible Man.
Suffering acutely this abrupt loss of identity, Graham began to ask for Ruth, his wife,
more and more attention, to get on her and tie her life. His favorite refrain was: "What is
for lunch?" Before retirement, Ruth was free to do what he wanted. Now had to take care
of Graham every minute of your day. Every time you hear your name yelled at her
husband, was horrified irritation. The relationship began to suffer from pressure.
With a sedentary lifestyle, Graham began to fatten. Little was, had less desire to do. Tired
to take sun, nadava little and rarely was concerned with something in the garden. When I
worked, was a kind of stress stimulating. Now, the stress was of another quality and was
mixed with depression. Graham suspected that their health was suffering, but not talked
to anyone about it.
One day, eighteen months after the dream retirement, Graham suffered a heart attack

Gender and retirement

The way men and women deal with the approach of retirement and old age casts light on
the difference between their mental structures. As women constitute 40 to 50% of the
modern workforce, it was assumed that the psychological problems associated with
retirement were the same for both sexes. But due to their mental structures and specific
priorities, the experience of retirement is remarkably different in the two cases. For many
men it is an unavoidable disaster and may even contribute to premature death.
Much has been researched and written about the problems faced by retired men, but little
research is done on women retired and not working because they have the task of caring
for a pensioner.

When the hunter stops hunting

During at least one hundred thousand years men agreed in the morning and went out
looking for food for their families. The male contribution to the survival of the species
was clear and simple - find a target and hit it edible. Therefore, as we said, the evolution
of male preference brain areas enabling it to perform this task with success: those used to
measure speeds, angles, distances and spatial co-ordinates. These are the areas used by
modern man to work as park running aft, read maps, ride on motorways, programming,
video equipment, playing sports with ball and reach moving targets. In simple terms, is
the huntress of the brain. The images below, made from brain examinations of 50 men
and 50 women, show (in black) areas of the brain active space.
Also, as we have seen, women evolved as a defender of the nest and the offspring - their
role was to ensure the survival of the next generation. The female brain evolved,
therefore, with areas of strength capable of dealing with these tasks - achieve a zebra
color-surrender to 30 meters away was never part of their responsibilities. This helps
explain why the image of the female brain shows a minimum level of activity in the

The areas of the brain used for hunting

Institute of Psychiatry, London, 2000.

Female Male

The ancient hunter was compulsorily retired

At the end of the eighteenth century, the advancement of agricultural techniques has
meant that hunting for food is no longer be a priority. To deal with the frustration of no
longer be prompted to chase and hit targets, the two men embraced replacement - work
and sport. Both involve the main aspects of the game, the - track, pursue, and aim to
achieve the target.
Consequently, 90% of all modern sports with ball rise up between 1800 and 1900 as a
substitute for the hunt. We therefore repeat, that most men, unlike women, is obsessed by
work and the small sports.

The modern sports are a way to replace the hunt.

So the century desferiu men on an even greater blow: the retirement. With it, they not
only stopped
be required to reach moving targets, such as no longer required for anything. And here
lies the great problem of modern man retired: your brain of a hunter, yet clearly set is
literally idle. He is all dressed and has no where to go. Plus, sitting on a beach far away
where nobody knows or gives a minimum.
You realize that you retired when you know all the answers
but do not have anyone else to ask you the questions.

How women deal with retirement.

Unlike men, women tend to move smoothly toward retirement. They just "follow your
life." The men are always defined by their work and their achievements; women, in
general, attribute value is the quality of their relationships. Studies on male and female
figures show that 70 to 80% of women say they have as the main 'focus on family.
Consequently, women keep their retired social circles constructed over the years and
have facility to renew them. They can spend the extra time doing the things that have
always been challenges to take or which never had time to work. We heard from several
women retired to their current life is so busy, they ask how could give an account of what
they worked.

Men value the achievements, women, relationships.

Peter and Jennifer

Jennifer wanted much to retire with her husband hold. It would be an opportunity to do
everything I always had the dream-. The children were finally married, and the lives of
Jennifer and retain only the two was. And although they were already married for 25
years, Jennifer had sometimes the impression that the husband did not know well. He had
been always working hard, way-too Janda, exhausted when you get home. Now, she
thought that time would have to meet again. It would be almost like a second
She received her retire with genuine emotion. Worked as a nurse almost all his life, a
stressful and poorly paid job with few opportunities for professional progress. Also, need
to combine work with education of children, which left little time for herself. Now, with
retirement, she felt free.
But remember, once you finally retired, seemed all the time in a bad mood. I would never
do anything, was inside mope at home if it has been discarded, the way the company was
doing well without him and
low frequency with which co-workers to use their experience and their advice. Jennifer
knew he was depressed but could not convince him to express his feelings. It was as if he
had not entirely of his life.
Initially she stayed home with him, want to help you. But little by little grew into a
resentment Jennifer: Peter was making her so unhappy retirement on his own. It started
out more with friends. Nadava with a group three times a week, learned to play tennis and
attend classes in art. Then came for a course in Italian. Spent increasingly less time at
"You know," she told a close friend, "I love to be retired. The only thing I hate is having
to go home at the end of the day. I feel sorry for Peter, but with so much time together for
the first time in our life , we see very little in common. Today I do not know if I have
love and no more if I stay with him. "
Dealing with a retired man is often one of the biggest problems that women face. Can
cause fights, tears and even separation. He seems to always be "getting in the foot" and
wanting to take her life, treating it as if it were one of its former employees, come with
solutions and advice when she is not interested. And often, it seems envy the happiness of
women and blame them for their misfortune.
There were a couple of 70 years who always had good health because of the insistence of
women with healthy diet and exercises. One day, the two die in a car accident. At the
door of heaven, St. Peter Ihes presents its new life.
And it shows a fabulous mansion. "But how will this cost?" Asks the man. "Nothing,"
replied St. Peter. "It's free. Here is the sky." Then shows them a wonderful golf course
behind the mansion. "But the cost to enter partner?" Asks the man. "Nothing. It's free.
Here is the sky."

And finally leads to the local restaurant and it shows the menu, full of delicious dishes,
with a variety of creamy sauce. "But we only eat food without fat, low salt, no milk
products and low cholesterol," says the man. "Do not worry," says St. Peter, "here is the
sky. There are no calories in the sky. You can eat as you like which will still be thin and
healthy." When I heard it, the man turns around, indignant, to the wife. "Your bitch!" He
Berra with it. "If you do not wanted to eat healthy food and we exercise, we could have
arrived here ten years ago!"

Why men can not cope with retirement?

The loss of work is not the main cause of all the stress when the man is retiring. It is the
loss of something much bigger - the identity. The woman whose identity was also
strongly linked to work performance may experience a similar feeling.
When retirement approaches, the common man is denying that his life is to quit. He has
so much knowledge and experience that the employer-only benefits and may not pass
without his talent, and will call him to continue working. When this happens and he notes
that the company can move very well without it, the shock is very intense.
Unable to face the situation, people cling to the idea that becoming consultants. A step
that seems worth it. On the one hand, no long hours of work. Otherwise, they will still be
important parts in the gear. Be "available" to return to work and solve problems whose
solution depends on their knowledge and experience. Even those who did not like his job
very still want their "group hunting" the call to continue the task.

The man likes to think its "hunt group" still needs him.

Many women retired to join interest groups or develop new habits. Some return to school,
others spend more time taking care of others, some clubs go to the elderly and enjoy the
entertainment that they failed during the period in which the job, together with household
chores, leaving little time for fun. And do it with great joy, without feeling idle and
The choices of women often involve interaction with others. The identity of women is
multifaceted. She can spend the money to bring home, to take care of the family, being
mother, grandmother, lady-of-home, friends' friend, companion, lover and wife at any
time, and sometimes all at the same time. When its role as provider end, the woman
continues with the other facets of his life. In other words, the woman retains its identity.
In most cases there is no drama. It simply gives continuity to their things. The woman
never retires.

Why do so many men down the hill so fast?

In the period following the shutdown, some men think they will be quiet. But unless they
have been carefully prepared, things rarely remain at that stage as the honeymoon. The
sudden loss of friends and colleagues, the routine that meet their days, their status and
sense of importance can quickly lead to depression.
The loss of identity is for the man in many ways similar to the death of a loved one. Start
the denial is complete by the depression, the anger, and if everything goes well for the
Depression can get without being noticed. First, the retiree was disappointed with his new
life and starts to retract, per-der vitality and become inactive. The feeling of uselessness
and rejection can lead to decreased libido, deepening the table. He relaxes in food, starts
to drink, and in some cases, even drugs. Flu and disease is less frequently. Sometimes it
is thought, felt, the things not done. It is essential to identify the depressive stage which,
if not overcome or dealt with the help of a professional, can become permanent. The
result is a life apathetic, unhappy and, above all, shorter.

Retirees who do not plan their lives are constantly ill.

Signs of trouble are usually the first indication that stage of depression is ongoing. The
retired blame others for their suffering: his partner and family becomes much often the
target because "not understand how I feel." Blame the ex-boss for not having him ready
for retirement, by not calling him to provide advice and feel a victim. This anger is
sometimes discharged as the desire to disappear, the direction of the house, particularly
finance and planning of social activities and family. He now wants to be the chief
executive of the family.
These intrusions can be unbearable for your partner, especially the way they are made,
and the fights start to happen.
For most, however, this rarely happens. The new generation has its own ideas and
solutions and whether they feel free to implement them and test new ways of solving
things. Many often the removal of what they see as an old employee is a relief.

Barry and Yvonne

Banyo is described as counter to 20 years and 25 have worked on their own. Always
addicted to outside research, data and figures loved and was very successful in the
management of time. When you decided to retire, to 50 years, was owner of a successful
company. Master of himself, he thought the best in the industry.
Barry was always fascinated by the idea of retirement and to spend any time with their
children and grandchildren and traveling with Yvonne. But the retirement of Barry
quickly turned in the worst nightmares of Yvonne.
Barry now wants to be the chief executive's home. Not only, I control everything the
woman did! Offered to take the family's finances and gave Yvonne a budget for food, I
wonder why she spent so much on things he thought unnecessary. Despite not having
problems with money, he wanted to know where every penny went and why. That was
crazy leaving Yvonne.
She loved to shop, but decided that Barry would shop together, and that there would be
an agenda setting out
advance and where would they would buy. When Yvonne was a store that was not on the
agenda, Barry wanted to know the reason - she has not had chance shoes and enough
clothes? Reached the height of the monitor Yvonne buy a new bra, sitting on the "seat-of-
husband-bored" on the outside of the taster. While Yvonne tried to quickly sutiãs - so he
is not annoyed with the waiting -, Barry re-collect information on sutiãs with employees
and customers. Sutiãs discovered how each of the search was the ratio of quantity, high
price, on time and lasted a lot of other statistical data. After examining them, Barry found
that his wife only needed two sutiãs. Most of it was wasted money. For Yvonne, it was
great. That day she did not buy any bra - decided to return later, alone. Barry thought the
days of Yvonne would be much more beneficial if they practice an effective management
of your time, why you asked to organize a calendar hourly, beginning at 8 am. Yvonne
felt in an inter-in a concentration camp, absolutely curtailed and controlled by a manic
husband and authoritarian. Then started to leave the house to escape the domain of the
husband. "Barry needs to get a life of its own," she said to friends, "and I want my life
A retired couple was sitting on the dinner table talking about old age. "The worst," said
the woman, "is forgotten."
"How?", Asked the husband.
"Now I'm in the middle of something and forget what I was doing," she replied. "One
day, last week, I was thinking at the top of the stairs had just arrived or are on top was
starting to fall."
"Hum!" Said the man. "I never had this problem."
The woman smiled with sadness. "Then yesterday I was sitting in the car asking if I had
just come to go somewhere or had just arrived home and was out of the car."
The man grunt: "No, I never stopped by something," he insisted. "My memory is perfect,
hits the wood." E has two batidinhas on the table. After looking puzzled for the door and
asked: "Who is it?"

The negative aspects of retirement

When the couple starts to fight because of differences of ability and the different roles
that each plays, there is the danger of starting to feel incompatible. A woman can get hurt
with it seems an intrusion on what
for it is a happy and orderly. Perhaps the first time in life when she see her husband every
day for breakfast, for lunch and dinner. He supervises and gives orders, requesting it to
many tasks and too little working in the service of the house. The anger and resentment
began to grow inside her, and when they manifest - usually in an exasperated - the man
feels rejected, misunderstood and devalued. Things can be much worse, leading to
separation and even to suicide. Men who survive the first three stages of retirement
generally ultimately accept this new stage of life and take on the challenge of planning a
new life, useful and happy. The identification of these stages is crucial, and the man who
is not planned for retirement can take many years to overcome them. If you find
difficulty, it is good to resort to professional advice to ensure that it perpetuates the
negative attitudes, resulting in loneliness and misery.

Men engaged in activities that stress and to do nothing to retire early die.

In Western society, the life expectancy of men that the retirement is not an occupation
that the interest is
on average five years. The man is 30 to 40 years of his life in a rigidly structured and
oriented goals. His retirement, therefore, need a bit of quality, mainly because, with the
increasing trend of early retirement, increased life expectancy and better health, it is
likely that the period of retirement is longer. The critical difference between these two
periods of the life of man is that in retirement he is fully in control and will take the
decisions that affect the rest of life.

A plan of action

The right time to start planning is many years before retirement. To begin, you must be
aware that their identity can not be linked predominantly to the industry professional and
receiving the approval of others. Multiply your interests in the life of work, find pleasure
in activities independent of the professional activities, develop a circle of friends outside
the work environment. Start thinking now as I have had time available, which includes
study, read all the books that are accumulated on your bookshelf, listening to music, take
up a hobby, learn a new skill, develop a talent that remained unexploited because you
were absorbed in his career. There is a huge range of alternatives for pleasure waiting for
you. Start to develop them as far as possible, now.

The time of retirement can be used for an investment in your health. Make a complete
check-up, look for a nutritionist to set a pleasant and healthy diet, do the exercise that
gives you great pleasure, walk, swim, dance, ride a bike. The possibilities are endless.
But do not spend it all as a mere obligation or an activity for only the time to fill vacant.
Are aware that you are investing in their well-being in their self-esteem, which is giving a
gift that could not be granted for lack of availability. The higher the frequency with
which they work, more will live better and the quality of your life.

Studies show that the earlier you plan your retirement,

have better health and will live longer.
Social Work and Community

We can assure you that few things to remember as much as the dedication they need. You
may need an initial effort to overcome the resistance, but once started, the social work
community and gives an immense sense of satisfaction and self.
It is important that you find in that field feel better and more useful, and that is linking to
an institution where they feel affinity with the people working there. Whatever has been
your path, you must have skills that can be used or passed on to others. The simple act of
visiting patients in hospitals, elderly in rest homes, children in orphanages will bring you
a surprising bonus. Start searching now, chat with friends, browse the local church. Thus
you will discover where your talents can be applied
You should see his retirement as you would with any large project. Start to write down
everything that interests you, the places that I would know, the activities that could
develop, which would examine the materials. You can not imagine how delicious the
experience of returning to college where you will live with younger people and discover
how the experience of life taught him. Discuss your plans with your partner, because she
is the person who will share them with you. Aware of that will mean this new phase of
life in terms of living in order to for problems that arise

It is also time to devote to a field that may have been ignored in the years of professional
activity: the spirituality. The substantive requirements of day-to-day that differ in size so
essential in humans and responds to your deepest desire. The retirement offers this space
to search more and find a group, a belief, or activities that develop their spirituality,
giving new meaning to life.

A happy and healthy life also must include a satisfactory sexual life. The sex in old age
will be a continuation of what was in the life of the couple, despite the limitations that
age brings. What is important is that these limits are treated with honesty, openness,
affection, because the sex life can not be separated from the rest of the relationship. Talk
about it with the greatest possible openness, discover new incentives, seek help if
necessary. And remember: the whole body - not just the genitals - can be a source of
pleasure. Explore these possibilities with the knowledge they have of each other and love
each deserves it after so many years of companionship.

Paul and Dana

Paul was account manager and his life was always full of goals, targets and deadlines. He
thought to retire at 65. But when he was 57 his company bought and he became
expendable in overnight.
His wife Dana to retire three years before and wanted by the retirement of her husband.
She was quite enjoying his retirement, it now had time to do things you always wanted
and wished to share their happiness with Paul newly discovered.
But Dana was alarmed to see the sadness of Paul with the forced retirement. He began
drinking too much and was depressed. Dana decided to seek professional advice and then
persuaded Paul to seek a consultant, specializes in dealing with the men retired. The
consultant helped Paul to understand the reasons for that and he showed you how to
manage this new phase of his life. Paul accepted the challenges that it presented the
The first step was to complete a health check. The second was to seek a financial adviser.
The third was to travel with Dana relax and plan the rest of their lives.
The check-up showed that Paul was well, except for a small excess of weight and
pressure and cholesterol slightly above normal. A specialist taught her new diet and
prescribed an exercise program.
In examining the financial part, the consultant reassured Paul. They have done a detailed
budget and noted that the guarantee fund of Paul, together with some savings and
investments, most of his pension and Dana would be sufficient to cover its needs until the
end of life.
After all the advice, Paul felt a great weight had been removed from their shoulders. He
and Dana went on holiday with a good state of mind, because had the start-to plan your
journey - which could take twenty years or more to be completed.
The next challenge was great - decide what to do for the rest of their lives. They needed a
plan that took into account both the needs of each, as the couple. Decided to change the
eating habits and started walking every day for at least 45 minutes. Came to a club of
excursionist and began to make trips
extended several times a month, which led them to meet new people. Enrolled in a class
of tai-chi, enthusiastically recommended by friends. Dana has played tennis once a week
and it was on the board of the club. He was also part of a group of craft and came to a
course in writing, because I wanted to write. Paul play golf sometimes, but I would like
but never had time to practice regularly to mind. How was a member of golf club,
decided to try.
The finances were sufficient to cover expenses, but not for extravagances. As Paul was an
excellent account-pain and liked to teach, decided to open a current account that you
bring an additional income.
In the group that began to attend prayer, aware that they had available to devote to a
social work. Found that its greatest achievement was to have created four children happy,
adjusted and successful. Paul was always concerned about the welfare of young people
and understand the problems they faced when they lack family support-ing. Then decided
to seek a way of advising the youth to become an advisor to young people. Dana, in turn,
offered to cooperate in the newspaper association of residents of his neighborhood.
Today, Paul and Dana are healthy and happy, enjoy life and help others. They are so busy
they need a detailed daily schedule. The retirement is revealing the happiest time of their
This time when the men and women are more together than any other in their lives is
very important that they have learned the lessons of Why Men Lie and Women cry?
Because only then will live happily in peace and with love, understanding the strengths
and weaknesses of each other and being able to make the relationship a source of joy,
happiness and fulfillment.

We firmly believe that the tools presented in Why Men Lie and Women cry? can help all
men and women to live lives more intimate, sensual and rewarding. Use these tools with
wisdom and love. Good luck to you!

Sanctum Kamelum



We would like to thank the following people who con-tribute directly and indirectly,
sometimes even unwittingly, to the publication of this book. The team that made us,
accompanied by the cami was composed by: Ruth and Ray Pease, Dorie Simmonds, Sue
Williams and Trevor Dolby.
Bill & Beat Suter, Adam Sellars, Melissa, Cameron &] Asmin Pease, Len & Sue Smith,
Fiona & Michael Hedger, Diana Ritchie, Dr Desmond Morris, Professor Alan Garner,
Gary Skinner, Dr. Dennis Waitley, Mark Victor Hansen, Dr Theme Garagounas, Bert
Newton, Geoff & Sallie Burch, Tony & Patricia Earle, Debbie Mehrtens, Deb
Hinckesman, Dorreen Carroll, Andy &] ustine Clarke, Kerri-Anne Kennerley, Frank &
Cavill Boggs, Graham & Tracey Dufty,] ohn Allanson, Sandra & Loren Watts,] ohn
Hepworth, Esther Rantzen, Ray Martin, Kaz Lyons, Victoria Singer, Graham &] osephine
Rote, Emma Noble, Yvonne & Barrie Hitchon, Richard Cranium, Ivor Ashfield and
Helen Richardson.

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