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TilAN A LUNCH!

WML II
*.'

SenioR RerRear 96
Towas Lin -AL5O.
An all accede, uncensored (and slightly distorted) view of the life-
The ScaFF 3
styies of the SPAMs (Senioris Partius Animalus Maximus).
Meet the demented maniacs that make the
Voliey&aii: G;crRenie ArcForiti 8 Maya Pulse a reality...

AdvisoRS CoRneR 4
A versatile account over the struggle between man and gravity as
personified by the CM Boys' Volleyball team.. A prelude to the up Mr. Pastore's quaterly take on life, death, and
coming AA5CA greatness. other quintescential details of the grown-up

CDaya's QrIs Voiiey&aii Team 10


world

Arrenrion DeFicir
A new team, a new future, a new hope. How will Maya girls deal DisoRdeR 33
with the challenge? What motivates them? Is Mr. Smith capable of
handling the girls? Find out in this article
A serious look at a desease that disturbs the
learning of many people. It is Informative and
On rhe Hop! I |
very very interesting

A revealing account on how Mr. Smith tortures the girls with the Copa CDaya I 2
excuse 'practice*. Learn everything 'big boss man* doesn't want
you to know. Copa Maya, a tradition that continues despite
its many obstacles, take a look at how Maya
The AASCA Voiiey&ali TRip 14 does againe other teams.
4=LAgav*d& Pabon Copa CDaya: behind rhe
Maya agalnste Central America, will we suceed, find out In this re
scenes 13
alistic article taking you from the first moments at the airport to
the return trip... See how Copa Maya is organized and set up.

Kiss CDe Rare: A pRevieui I 6 Learn the secrets from Inbal the great

FReshpeople Srars 43
'Kiss Me Kate', directed by the one and only Mr. "Amazing" Feia Paul O'Suffivxarv
and gorgerous Mrs. Storey, are you ready for 90 minutes of ex- All you needed to know about Freshmen, and
itement, what is the play about? Find out! more.

RodeRCOs Lisr 40 Useless Facrs 34


Sebastian
Relax from reading the Pulse, look at a few
Nothing good on cable? This useful guide to rental mania will take
facts that are either amazing or simply stupid.
the load off your endless search for the perfect video store, not
to mention your wallet. CDoRe Useless Facrs 37
Ditto, dude.
Can 1 Ask (Jou A Quesrion? 24
Kyixng Ro
The Editors of this STagazine
CM students are back from their summer beach sleeping sessions;
would like to thanR
but, are they ready to meet the pointless questions Kyung has Giovanni, for letting us use the Macs in the
prepared for them? Find out In "The Return"... lab and helping us reach 100%MacOS.
Mrs. Wescott for letting us use the library
CDind &ogg1ing quesrions For rhe CRirninai- to work and type.
Charlie in the photocopy room.
1y insane 6y rhe CRiminaily insane 26
All those who answered our annoying ques
Ben 3atdizon and Paul O Sullivan
tions or let us use your creative pieces.
The title says it all, doesn't it? This amazingly amusing article by Everyone who showed interest in the
the Tube's dynamic duo challenging the reasoning abilities of CM Pulse's creation.
students (and teachers) with a mind-teaser Integrating alcohol, And last but not least, you, the reader who
death, and Crlsco oil. spent five Quetzales on our liF pet project.
SAICARGEKKAD3EDUDSKNAHT *
-Interviews
THE
lnceRviui uiich a DiReccoR
Neui TeacheRs: The Smichs
5ienvcnido! CDs. HaRRis
CDr. Smith!

-Reviews-
CaFereRia Food Kevietu
TaiisreR
The Croui: Cicq oF Angels
CJLJho Arc rhe bcone Temple Pilocs
ARjona: 1 Could CaRe Less About CensuRe

Creative Writing-
Neai ar CDaya: A CRue sroRy

Relive the fear, the anxiety, the anguish and the despair of the first day in
a strange school. Shockingly realistic, Edgardo takes you back to a time
many of us would like to forget.
SophornoRic rnysceRies 46
J
The mayhem Inside a sophomore's mind is unleashed! Can you figure out
the bizarre mechanics at work inside the mind of a tenth grader? Solve
this classic "Who's who" mystery... If you darel
The beginning 48
Ro

The meaning of life? Amateur Philosopher Ryung Ko attempts to anewer


this question by cruising back in time and pondering upon the cosmos.

Ru66n DaRiof CDy heRot rny inspiRarion 50


A

This is the compelling true story of admiration towards the greatest La


tin American poet, adorned with compelling poetry and an unforgettable
tenderness.
JouRnals FRorn Gnglish Class 51
Ben 3aldizon

An assortment of amazing etorlee by the senior class. Find out what


four years of hlghechool does to the once-eane senior minds as they un
veil chaos through their writings.
The ThinkeR 55
Kyt%ncf Ro

A drooling puppy in the rain tells his life story. A tale about oppression,
world-domination and doggie chow.
BS 57
Tke /v»akcd Ape Volte
An Insane tale about ex-cop Weschester 3utlugge and his new amazing
adventures. One of Naked Ape's Classics...
...OJirh The SHy CleaR and Blue... 58
Tke Naked Ape Vafle

Following the tradition of 4f3S' and other great short stories, The Naked
Ape brings us another Insane tale with Sandy and his Incredible pet cock
roach...
By: Mr. Pastore 2nd quarter edition.
On to the new staff... Headlining our pro
I sometimes wonder duction crew is Tomas "just kidding" Lin
what the heck I'm doing (12th grade). Tomas has become our defacto
running a Publications Editor in Chief by virtue of his writing and
class... especially when computing skills. All of the new features this
the end of the quarter year- computer graphics, computer enhanced
comes around and grades photos, the cover design, etc., are due to his
are due,and the publish computing experience. Tomas is also helping
ing deadline has to be the rest of the staff to polish their articles, and
met. Well... newsflash. has taken on the added responsibility of trying
We missed our first to help me to proofread the magazine. Edgar-
deadline...surprise, sur do "spanky" Pabon (11th) is not only a new
prise. Seems that I'd for addition to the staff, but also to the school. He
gotten what a huge has comes to us from Costa Rica, and brings a pas
sle actually getting the sion for sports coverage that will help us to
magazine to print was at round out the school news portions of the
the end of the first quar PULSE. In 10th grade we have Ben "leave me
ter last year; seems that I alone!" Baldizon, Jaime "who, ME?"
can only remember how Brown, Luisa "D.C."Meyerman, Kyung-
smooth the whole staff wan "Just call me Kyung " Ro, Inbal "too
was by the end of the cool" Mazar, and Pslu1"@#z%L$...*&#@"
fourth quarter last year, O'Sullivan. I certainly hope that they can
after a whole year of keep their enthusiasm for the whole school
practice. However, this year (even though they are driving me nuts
year the Maya PULSE right now!), because they form the nucleus of a
has a completely new set future for the magazine. In 9th grade Roberto
of staff members, so we "You mean I have to WRITE in this class???"
basically have to reinv Castaner, Giancarlo "the crusher" Valle
ent the wheel again. The and Sebastian "if you break the law, you got
good news is that the ta pay the price" Strzalkowski bring a
group in Publications is wealth of ideas to the staff. Of course why they
very energetic and eager are crazy enough to want to spend TWO peri
to write. You will notice ods a day with me, I'll never know...Of course,
hat a lot more creative the sky IS a different color in their world...
writing is appearing in One thing that I want all of you to remem
this first issue of the ber- we welcome submissions of material at
year. Hopefully, this will any time during the year. So please get articles,
inspire the rest of you short stories, poetry, cartoons, etc. to any of the
out there to also produce staff or to me in room S-20 in the High School.
and submit your crea Both the Christmas issue and the end of the
tions to us. I know that year issue are special issues dedicated to crea
we are planning to put a tive writing. Help us out!!!
lot of the poetry and So...bear with us. It should be a very long,
short stories done in very strange trip this year. But, the stranger,
English classes in the the better!!!
SENIOR RETREAT '
Tfte SdU, t&« Beacft and a wftole bancft of
TOMAS "SLIGHTLY DEMENTED SENIOR #6" LlN
What do you get when you set free one iors to crocodiles, overlords Pastore and Berke
counselor, two stressed-out teachers, and decided to hire small boats towards the beach
twenty-six smelly, sweaty seniors on the house kindly offered by Mrs. Petricevic to the
beach for three days? Chaos?, havoc?, corn? senior class. Amid the horrible heat, the first
No, it is the 1996 Scudo-Salutaris Senior boat was sent to scout the green waters. When
Retreat!!!!!!!
the boat driver returned after he bravely es
For all of you who were wondering why caped from the alien concentration camp inside
almost every member of the senior class the waters, die twei advisors hired two more
came back to school on the third week of boats, hoping that one of them would make it
school year two shades darker, the senior re through the shark-infested river. Jorge
treat is a seniors-only, invitational event in "studmaster supreme" Cortes was "stuck" in a
which almost every senior gets away from boat surrounded by nine gorgeous senior maid
the daily hazards of school to "plan their ens while everyone else drooled on the other
academic future" while sipping type O nega side of the river, hugging only the water bottles
tive chicken blood and smoking Cuban ci that would later save their lives.
gars* on the beach (The senior retreat has After the flock of seniors arrived on the
also been attributed to be the leading cause other shore, slave master Pastore forced them
of seniorities and has already pushed three to unload the shipment of water, eggs, milk,
former teachers towards insanity). human heads, goat hearts, Peruvian Rum and
Anyway, this year's senior retreat mani Doritos into the house. Some seniors decided
fested itself from Friday August 23th to to show off their dislexia-induced one percent
Sunday 26th. Friday began as any other sol body fat bodies and disrobed, while the other,
emn school day; the skies were dark, and the more conservative, seniors decided to not do
zombie-like expression on the students4 this in public. After Pastore sensed, in his
faces showed no sign of life as their me strangely disfigured body, announced freedom
chanical movements slowly pushed them in from organized religion until six o'clock (in a
side their classrooms. However, at 0900 sixty dollar pay-per-view speech seen in two
hours, a group of over-packed, heavily-ex Middle-Easten countries), the manly seniors
cited seniors came strolling down the stairs and the beautiful seniorettes teleported them
from the secondary building and congregat selves to the beach, hoping to capture a bit of
ed around the "Maya Plaza" (a.k.a. big block Poseidon's fury.
of cement at entrance to school). After shar After three hours of an endless pursuit for a
ing a Kodak moment and an emotional hom suntan, the tired seniors dragged their bodies
ily by Dr. Pasquale, the group of seniors rap back to the beach house, where a wonderful
idly evacuated school and kowtowed to the feast of (what seemed liked) spaghetti and
mysterious forces of freedom. gourmet bread awaited them. A superhuman
The bus made a stop at Burger King, display of pigging-out ensued, where Abdias
where seniors shared their last decent meal, Irrizary, twelfth grade's version of a giant,
and then embarked on a lengthy ride atop a managed to swallow and regurgitate a smaller
mentally disturbed road. After three hours of member of the senior class.
rain, mud and guerrilla Snipers, the group fi The class of '97 then sat together in a circle
nally arrived at Likin (li'h' KIN). and started to play really bizarre games. The
However, toxic waters separated the first one was a really violent version of musical
group from paradise. After losing two sen chairs called "I like people who", which only
resulted in the dismemberment of someone The next morning, the batch of homo-sen-
who fell and shattered an unbreakable plas ioris awoke to the wonderful scent of hotcakes
tic chair. The second activity consisted in a and the loud, screechy "wake up, everybody"
tell-all in which antisocial seniors got to of drill-Sargent Pastore. As the seniors finished
share their deepest, darkest secrets with devouring breakfast, some decided to stay in
someone they barely knew so that the other the pool and swim while others decided to go
person could introduce them to the class. It to the beach and have their backs broken by
was a rather pleasant experience, where two twelve feet high shore breaks.
of three serial killers of the class decided to After the short break, the three authority
confess their true emotions. As the night fell figures continued the bonding process by hold
over its big round head, the seniors were set ing more bizarre games. The first consisted of
free to do whatever their sweet little hearts everyone taking a hand from two different peo
desired. Since cow-tipping was not morally ple and tangling their paws beyond recogni
accepted by all, the group unanimously de tion. The whole purpose of the game was to
cided to go to the form a circle by slid
beach. The selective ing people around.
cult of seniors slow As the complex dy
ly roamed towards namics of the game
the waves under the puzzled the brightest
pitch dark blanket of of the seniors, they
the night. did what everyone
After ransacking else would do:
a few villages and cheat!
combating the mad After the seniors
dogs that jealously were freed, another
guarded the beach, game was forced
the party finally ar upon the seniors by
rived to their desti our disturbed men
nation. The senior's tors. This second
repressed adolescent game consisted of
hormones were un making four people
leashed, and soon walk simultaneously
the music of six on top of a wooden
strings pleasantly board. The brave
combined with the seniors continued
waves and the deep Class Picture? despite the blood on
philosophical conversations engaged their feet and succeeded in complet
at the beach (i.e. "Whoa, dude, check out ing the challenging feat.
those waves!","Pass the insect repellent!"). The final attempt to truly hurt the students
After four hours of mindless fun, the was called "free fall". This post-apocalyptic
seniors returned to the beach house one by creation consisted of making nets with human
one. However, a few overactive senior girls arms to catch falling seniors. After a few nerve
satisfied their desire to become sea nymphs wrenching moments, the games were declared
and dove into the peaceful blue waters of the terminated and everyone disappeared.
swimming pool. Of course, a few guys Two hours later, the seniors took their an
couldn't resist the call of nature and joined thropomorphic form once again and gathered
them almost immediately. Their playful around the pool for an excitingly boring pro
voices echoed throughout the night. And, as crastination by Mr. Pastore and Mr. Berke re
most seniors fell asleep, the soft call of garding "the future of the senior class". Then,
"Oscar, are you dead?" slowly cruised Mrs. Winterowd took over and gave them a
through their ears and into the thin air of the very very long speech about the extremely
Pacific ocean. stressful college application process.
The senior class then proceeded towards forbidden zone. While awaiting for the little
the beach to make anatomically correct sand yellow mobile trash can to take them home, a
figures, gather wood for pyromaniatic pur closure activity was conducted. This attempt to
poses and attempt to drown unwanted ele boost senior self-esteem consisted of each per
ments of the class. son writing a positive quality of everyone else
After enjoying the strangely colored sun of the group in a 8.5 x 5.5 piece of paper. Be
set and having their stomachs filled with mi- fore the little purple beings living in sandcas-
crowaved pizzas, A senior gathering was tles on top of giant shoes made out of wood
held at the beach. Scoutmaster Berke dem could say "otorrinolaringologo", the seniors
onstrated his special abilities by starting a rushed into the bus, hoping a quick return to
giant bonfire in the middle of the beach. the pleasures of their decadent existence and
And globos (non-polluting small-scale paper their soft, comfy beds.
balloons driven by radioactive reactions and As the local heroes returned to the city,
little hamsters forced to breathe heavily) that they were greeted by a giant parade and given
represented the hopes and dreams of the sen the key to the city. Then, the senior class de
ior class were released. Of course, the sen clared world peace, saved the whales and dis
iors panicked when they covered the cure for
saw one of the globos blow all human and animal
up in mid air. As the small diseases. They be
pieces fell from the dark came instant celebri
skies to the even darker wa ties, filmed a com
ters, the seniors slowly real mercial for Nike, had
ized that every one statues erect
of their hopes and ed in all major
dreams had just cities and be
suffered a slow came the cen
and agonizing tral characters
death. for a song by
As the seniors the Chili Pep
returned one by pers. Thou
one from the wet, sandy sands of books were
beach, they were puzzled published about the
by the locked bathroom subject and the movie
mystery. Apparently, an Everyone deserves a controlled dose of rights are still being
entity whose forces are still insanity once in a while" fought over by thirty
unknown managed to seal major motion picture
one of two bathrooms by using the powers companies. Today, the senior class is still pur
of sangria branch of dark magic, making it suing happiness, serenity and the recipe for
inaccessible to all beings overlive feet three Cocoa Puffs inside the Colegio Maya campus.
in height. Fortunately, Daniela Lopez saved
the day with her special wall climbing abili
ties. The overactive girl with a death wish ♦DISCLAIMER: Many of the memories
managed to walk over an one inch wide ce from the retreat were repressed in my mind due
ment strip that separated her from her de to their painful implications, therefore, some of
mise and climbed inside the bathroom using the facts stated above might be slight distor
only a pair of sandals and a right arm. She tions of reality, by reading this you free the au
later repeated the feat in slow-motion for the thor of any responsibilities towards false
fascinating Technicolor documentary filmed claims in this article. All names have been
by members of the senior class (Coming used with the consent of Krishna. samoT ot ye-
soon to a VCR near you.). nom evig lliw uoY
Two days and a zillion mosquito bites ©Copyright 1996, Satanic Cookies Incor
later, the entire class packed up and left the porated.
CDaya Boys vs. rhe CUoRld
Edgardo Pabon

A volleyball is a small round white ball scrimmage was O.K. Once the practice was
that can look very simple to hit but every over there was no player that did not enjoy it.
time it hits the ground, many things come to At each practice coach showed us that in
your mind (such as the end of an existing any sport conditioning was one of the most im
life, which started with a serve, and ends portant things. After a few practices the first
with the loud scream from the player that game came. It was on a Thursday and I re
couldn't get to the ball). Everything in this member most of the team was very nervous. It
game suggests excitement. When you come was one of those games in which the team
to practice, you realize that volleyball is doesn't have uniforms and nobody had knee
more than a simple game, it is a game of pads, or even the same color of shorts. At this
sacrifice in which you practice every day, time the team was already there. It consisted of
just for a couple of sets played in a game in Abdias I., Kevin B., Javier L., Oscar S., Dan
which you may not even play, but anyways L., Li-tsai C, Edgardo P., Sergio C, and Al
you are there to show people (and even bert D. (There were more people, but later on
yourself), that you can rise above all those they decided to quit). The people who started
guys that like you also want to be in the in this game looked really calm, and maybe
team. they were since they were the most experi
There were about 12 people on the first enced ones, but the ones on the bench, includ
day of practice(the second day of classes) ing me, were really shaking. Anyway, we en
and there were more people coming for the joyed the game although we lost the first set.
following ones. Whoever thought that Mr. We were losing, but who cares? it was only our
Pastore's coaching style was just to maybe first game. I don't know if Mr. Pastore realized
do some laps, some drills, some stretching, that, but he looked really worried and on every
and then just play ball was totally wrong. single point he jumped onto the court and gave
The first thing he said was: "come on guys, us new instructions on how to solve situations
do 4 laps around the basketball court". The like the one we just went through. In the first
team was really surprised after listening to set the team looked really calm and, although
those words; we just couldn't believe that we they lost, it looked like a good start for a team
had to run for a volleyball practice. But any that had never played together. From there on
way, we ran and did the stretching. Then we the team played good and they won the second
thought that now was the time for doing set by 2 points. So the third set came and we
some ball handling. But to our surprise the lost it by a small difference just as in the first,
worst was just coming. We then did crabs, only that this was a rally point set. We never
and then we did a 4 times 3 thing, which knew what the coach thought of this first game
consisted of 4 laps in 3 different speeds ar but it was a good start anyway.
ound the basketball court. And since Mr. Playing for Colegio Maya feels good since
Pastore wasn't tired, he decided that we all the parents are there supporting you and
should do some steps, too. The entire team you don't realize that until you play for the
really wanted to kill him, but after that, the school. I had played volleyball for the B level
in Costa Rica and I can say that here it is not team of the tournament, and our girls had won.
the same. There, the only people supporting The day before some of our players didn't stay
you were the coach and the bench, since no for practice, so Mr. Pastore was not playing
body came to watch the games, not even af them. We had our 6 starters that could play,
ter we won the B level championship at Lin since they did came to practice. We won the
coln school. But you're probably not inter first easily, but in the second set things got
ested in that, so I'll continue with the origi more complicated. Mr. Pastore called a time
nal story. out, and I remember
As I was saying we exactly what he said:
lost the game, just like "You know guys, the
the girls. After that first people on the bench,
game the only thing left I can put them in. But
was to keep on with our I won't, because they
practices and focus on didn't come to prac
that second scrimmage tice, and I know you
game. So after some can win this game for
practices we had our me". At this moment
second game, and I some of the team's
think we played very players decided to
well. The team got used quit since they wer
to playing and started en't playing. We lost
communicating and do that set and in the ral
ing good positioning. ly point we were also
We won the first set losing, but we came
easily and then in the back and won it. We
second, coach got all had won our first
the people on the bench game, and that was
to play. Even though we good. But now we
had a small team we had to play what can
won the second set too, be called the toughest
and decided to play a game, against the
third in order to have toughest team: Cole-
more practice. Well, we gio Americano. The
won that third too. We practices for that
now knew that we were ready to game were the same as al
go to Copa Maya. ways, but we played our
Our first day of Copa Maya worst game out there. At the
was a total mess. First we got to end nobody was able to ex
school on that Saturday at 8:00 a.m. to be plain what had happened, but what was for
able to attend to the inauguration. The inau sure was that we had lost and we all wanted
guration didn't start until 8:45 and then Mr. revenge. We won our next two games. One
Pastore told us that the game wouldn't start was played and we won it on two sets. The
until 12:00 so some of us just thought that next one we won it since the other team didn't
we could leave and then come back at 12:00 show up. Then we played C.A.G. again and we
or whenever the game started. But when Mr. had to win in order to have a shot at the cham
Pastore heard that, he decided that we pionship. And we did, and we also won the
couldn't leave the campus until the game. second game against Americano since they
We couldn't even go to Burger King to buy didn't show up. At the end of Copa Maya we
some food. At exactly 12:00 the game start got second, and Americano took both first
ed. The girls had played and they had won. places, boys and girls. We did good as a Boy's
Now it was our turn and we had to give a team, and the only thing left was AASCA but
good impression since we were the hosting that is another article in this magazine
Ben Baldizon

This year volleyball season started as Following are some quotes from various
soon as school did and anyone who wanted girls on the volleyball team in response to:
to join the team had to hit the ground run
ning. The first practice was Tuesday the Why did you join the team,? What do you
13th, the second day of school. This may
think of the team? and What do you think
sound ridiculous but it was necessary since
they had their first game on Thursday the 22 about the coach?
(which they lost to Suizo Americano), their
second game on Wednesday the 28 (which Vanessa Carbonell: I joined because I
they also lost, this time to Christian Acade like the sport and I have to get in shape. I think
my), and Copa Maya started on Saturday the we are doing really good and we are improving
thirty-first. daily. Mr. Smith has a lot of confidence in us.
The coach this year is one of the new
teachers, Mr. Smith, who teaches High Monica Garcia: I joined the team be
School History and Anthropology (more on cause I like volleyball and I wanted to do a
Mr. Smith in this magazine). Mr. Smith has sport. I think we have improved a lot from the
never coached high school volleyball, or way we were at the beginning. Our techniques
girls of any age for that matter, but he want are a lot better. The coach is confident in us
ed to coach the team and he seems very en and he's taught us a lot.
thusiastic about it (in his own little way).
The team is very young this year, con Mary Joe Lent: I joined because volley
sisting of mostly feshwomen and soph ball is interesting and I love it. The team is re
omores. Mr. Smith reports that they are ally united and they all love volleyball.
hard working and have a great attitude but They're a fun team. The coach is really nice.
they flirt too much (especially some anony He's a really good coach.
mous freshmen girls). The team is still
learning to just play volleyball but they have Melissa Leon: I joined because I enjoy
great ability, talent, and attitude. playing sorts. The team has a lot of talent. Mr.
I asked Mr. Smith how he thought the Smith is a good coach. He knows what he's
girls would do Copa Maya and AASCA doing.
wise and he thinks they will do well consid
ering their talent and enthusiasm but he real Mr. Smith hopes to once again teach the
ly can't say more than this because he hasn't girls volleyball team next year and he hopes to
seen any of the other teams. Mr. Smith also see a lot of the people from this year there
says that if the girls play their hardest and again (barring the seniors, of course). Mr.
improve that he won't care if they lose all Smith's final comment to the team: "The me is
their games because it will have been worth the servant of the we."
it.
Jamie Brown
If I ever find the indolent moron who in once we get our energy levels back to normal, I
vented whistles, God knows what I'd do to admit that it does feel pretty good.
him. The logical motive behind blowing the Aside from that demonic device he wears
players' eardrums out in order to accomplish around his neck, Coach Smith's training has
the otherwise simple and relatively harmless paid off. With all the conditioning and funda
task of getting their attention, if one exists, mentals, we still love playing a team that com
has yet to be made clear to me. pletely smothered us two weeks earlier and just
Coach Smith seems to express a differ whooping the shanoonoo out of them. Okay,
ent attitude toward "Old Trusty." We start so we've only done that once - against Chris
off each practice by responding to the dread tian Academy. And it was a rather close game.
ed Whistle, like trained house pets. We must But it was still a pretty incredible comeback,
keep a constant eye on our ever-moving considering the scores at the ends of the first
coach to ensure that we are in a ready posi couple of games we played. We have im
tion to sprint to his side, "on the hop," at the proved dramatically since the beginning of the
sound emanating from that awful metal de year, according to The Coach. Plus, we are a
vice, resembling somewhat that which might "young team"; most of us haven't played to
otherwise be heard coming from a group of gether before, and experience is one of our
drowning rats. weak spots. But time will cure that
On the other hand, aside from the means For a school this size there was a good
by which he keeps us "in line," Coach turnout of players trying out this year; 20 in all.
Smith has accommodated pretty well to And here they are (in no particular order):
coaching us girls, seeing as how this is his
first time dealing with the ever-impossible- NAME NUMBE
to-understand female gender (in sports, that
Melissa Leon 16
is). He is really good at giving speeches on
Amanda Rhodes 1
the spot, and can be really sympathetic when
Mary Joe Lent 40
a problem arises.
Maricel Castaner 8
Volleyball is an interesting game. One
Debra Walsh 3
less familiar with the sport might assume
Ana Garcia 2
that not as much physical strain is put on the
Ana Teresa Mayrides 10
players as with, say, soccer. However, ac
Robin Orlansky 7
cording to Michelle Wiater, a member of the
Alice Chen 6
girls' varsity team, we are liable to run more
Michelle Wiater 29
during a volleyball practice than she had
Maria D. Barrera 15
during soccer season last year NOTE: you Jamie Brown 19
just WAIT until soccer starts THIS year,
Vanessa Carbonell 13
Michele... Mr. Pastore). Mr. Smith calls it
Monica Garcia 14
"conditioning," and had us do this relentless
Luisa Meyerman 24
ly for the first few weeks of practice before
Maria Koch 20
letting us slack off a bit. He has avoided us
Maggie Rhodes 33
athletes giving these exercises our own nick
Marionell Coolen 25
names by strategically working our rear ends
Mariana Raskosky 5
off to such an extent that we are too dead af <Continues on page 37>
ter every practice even to think. Then again,
COPA MAYA...
The Tradition Continues...
Edgardo Pabon

Over the last couple of years, Copa against Piermount. Maya won 3 of their 4 first
Maya has turned into a tradition at our games, with the loss against Americano, 2-0 on
school. This year is not an exception. The the boys team. The Maya girls won 2 and lost
1st Copa Maya of the year is for volleyball, 2, against Americano and C.A.G. Piermount
and there are 5 schools participating in it. boys and girls both won 1 and lost 3. C.A.G.
Las Cumbres, Christian Academy ( C.A.G.), boys and girls finished their first round 2 and
Piermount, Colegio Americano, and of 2, and at the end Las Cumbres had lost all of
course the hosting school, Colegio Maya, their games in both boys and girls, mostly be
are the teams in this year's tournament. The cause they didn't show up.
teams are all on the same level of competi The second round was mostly the same,
tion, and each team has its own strategy. All with 2 differences on the boys side. Americano
of them are capable of winning, but, as in all lost against Maya since they didn't show up,
tournaments, there is a favorite. and Piermount beat Maya in the worst game
Colegio Americano is the traditional the Maya team has ever played.
power, and this always makes it the favorite At the end the most expected thing hap
to win; not only Copa Maya, but all the tour pened: Americano won both of the trophies
naments it is involved in. It is the team with for boys and girls. Boy's second place was for
more practice, more years of being together, Colegio Maya and third for Piermount. The
and they also don't have the problem of hav girls' second place was C.A.G., and third our
ing to change seasons every time since they Colegio Maya girls' team.
have enough students to play on each sport. The final Copa Maya standings were:
Colegio Maya, of course, was the other fa
vorite, not only because they were the host
ing team, but because this year they have a TEAM W-L
really good team. They have been wining
some games, practicing hard, and playing
their best, which is the most important thing. boys:
There is not that much known about Colegio 1.Americano 7-1
Piermount. They came and played their best, 2.Maya 6-2
and at the end they even won the fair play 3.Piermount 44
award, mentioned on the last day of the tour 4.C.A.G. 3-5
nament, and that speaks very good about 5.Las Cumbres 1-7
them. C.A.G. showed lots of improvement
as the tournament went on, and their girls
team took second place over the Maya girls:
team. Las Cumbres didn't show that much, 1.Americano 8-0
since they missed most of their games. 2.C.A.G. 6-3
In the first round of Copa Maya nothing 3.Maya 5-4
unexpected happened. Colegio Americano 4.Piermount 1-7
won all of their games easily , boys and 5.Las Cumbres 0-8
girls, and only their boys lost one set;
COVA
MAYA:
Bellini) the Scevies Inbal Mazar

This year I have found that Copa Maya Tangeman our volleyball coaches Mr. Brad W.
gets better and better. Copa Maya has been Smith ( girls volleyball coach), and Mr. Jim
going on for four (4) years now, and we are Pastore ( Boy volleyball coach) received the
all proud to say that it is an honor and a trophies won last year by the Maya girls, and
privilege to be able to be part of competi the Christian Academy boys. Thank you Mr.
tions, weather we are participating in the Smith, and Mr. Pastore for being able to partic
athletic department, organizing, decorating, ipate on such short notice.
or simply cheering for our school. After the receiving of the trophies came
This year we began our 4th Copa Maya Luisa Meyerman with an interesting poem,
with an inaugural ceremony, which began at called "Philosophy," which helped us under
8:20 A.M. Our masters of ceremony where stand what the philosophy of our athletic de
ASAF Maser and Christina Miller, they be partment, and our school is. To make it short
gan by telling all the students, parents, and the poem was about trying, and giving it your
people present what a privilege it was to be best ( to sports of course... and maybe even
participating and speaking in representation school).
for our school for two years. They told us And at last came Mrs. Carbonell who gave
what Copa Maya was to them, and how the inaugural serve... oops, she missed the first
much they enjoyed being up there ( on the shot, but don't worry, she made the second
stage that is ). Let me tell you they did a shot... and very nicely done!
great job that morning, full of enthusiasm, Thank you Mrs. Carbonell, and all the
and ready to get out there and speak. mothers who helped out for the 4th Copa
Later after the national anthem, Asaf Maya. And for the decoration committee they
and Cristina introduced Mr. Dennis Tange- did a super job.... it showed how committed
man, our High School Director. He gave us our school is to making our Copa Maya
his welcoming words, cheered on the teams, great!!!!
and told us to do our best. We thank Mr. So that was our 4th Copa Maya.... and I
Tangeman for being there at our schools have to conclude that I was pleased with the
Copa Maya.... we understand he has a busy results, all the teams were happy to be partici
schedule, but he never fails to be there for us pating, and they gave it their best.... and still
and represent what we call Club Maya. are! Our closing ceremony will be September
Thanks A million Mr. Tangeman!!!! 28th so try to come and cheer our teams
After the welcoming words from Mr. on....and join the fun!
Edgardo Pabon

It all began as a normal school day, bor guess he had a point, for it would all be chaos.
ing, as usual, but the excitement in the faces But anyway the flight was O.K. and the food
of all those who were wearing the blue T- was O.K. and everything else you get on a
shirts with the volleyball logos could be de plane was O.K.
tected miles away. These people were repre When we got to Costa Rica, it was a totally
senting our school in the most important in different thing. It seemed that we were free,
ternational tournament in Central America, and that we were independent adults capable of
where all international schools came togeth taking care of ourselves, and having an inde
er with one mission: play volleyball. pendent life just ruled by our nice coaches. The
At 12:00 a.m. the AASCA volleyball next thing was getting introduced to our hosts,
team was ready to roll, some tearful eyes, and then going home. The people from Marian
some cheerful faces. In common the un Baker School (M.B.S.) were waiting for us at
known future, the games yet to be played, the airport, and then they took us to the school
and hopefully won. The long wait at the air where all the hosts were waiting for us. Then
port, was annoying, for we were all filled we went to sleep in our new homes, since next
with anxiety. day we were having the inauguration, and our
The flight seemed longer than it should, first game.
because we had assigned seats, and our very The inauguration took place at Country
own coach Pastore wouldn't let us change. I Day School (C.D.S), which was the hosting
school for the entire tournament. There they that since the night before the coaches didn't
introduced all the schools participating in call, that night they weren't going to call either.
the tournament, and then we had to listen to They all stayed out by a little bit more than
the national anthems of all the countries of 10:00 and when the coaches called, they wer
Central America. Afterward the school's en't home yet. They all got home before 10:30
band played a song from the movie Star but it was too late and they were found guilty.
Wars. Then we were free and we had to go So on Friday, we were expecting the worst.
to Lincoln School where we were having A very high level of tension could be smelled
our first games. Since the girls had two from miles away. The coaches just talked to us
games that day, they played first against one by one, and asked to tell them the truth.
Lincoln School. They lost, and so did the Mr. Pastore talked to the boys, and Mr. Smith
boys in their first game against Escuela to the girls. After that the results were clear. At
Sampedrana from Honduras. After the first first people who weren't home couldn't play.
girls game we were having the first study The girls weren't playing, since six of their ten
period of the week, which was almost two people weren't home, and just four were aloud
hours long. Then the boys played and lost, to play. For the boys it was different since four
and then the girls played their second game of their starters were the ones not home the
and lost too. night before, but the four people in the bench
That night we had to be at home at 10:00 and two other starters were home, so they
since coaches were going to make phone could play with exactly six. The other two
calls to see if we were home. So we all were parts of the punishment were that on Saturday
at home before 10:00 and the coaches never that we weren't going to have a curfew limit,
called. but now it was set at 11:00 and the ones not
The next day, we were each playing, home by the time expected, would not play the
only one game, and we were playing at basketball season nor the soccer season. How
M.B.S. Since the games were late, we start ever the coaches checked up on what happened
ed the day with a study period, in which Mr. the night before and found out that most of the
Smith decided to make a quiz for his AP US. problems was due to the hosts.
History class and also for his Social Study So the boys played first, and the punish
class. After an interesting quiz, we were ment was forgotten but the lesson was learned.
ready to play ball. So the boys left, and they The six starters played that game, and we real
were playing the defending champions, ly hoped we could win. We showed that we
which according to Mr. Pastore, the Maya were better than them, but we lost the same
team could beat. Those guys were so good, way. The girls punishment was also taken
that they could spike with their eyes closed, away, and they all played, but5just as the boys
and their hands tied to their backs, and of they lost too. That day we went home earlier,
course we were going to win. Well we lost since the tournament was over, and the only
15-0 and 15-5 and the girls lost too after the thing left was coming back to Guatemala. So
boys did. But no big deal. We just had one on our last night we had to be back at 11:00,
more game, and we were out of the tourna and I'm sure everybody was. As the night be
ment, and that was it for the Maya team. We fore the coaches never called.
could just hope that we could win at least The next day we were all at the airport at
one game and to go home proud of having 8:00 a.m. We were some happy because we
won one game. wanted to see our families but on the other
That night something different hap hand we were sad because the time to be inde
pened. As the day before, we had to be pendent adults was over. But we had a great
home at 10:00, and the coaches were sup flight on our way back, and a big crowd was
posedly going to make phone calls. So that waiting for us at the airport. We all came to
night we all went out and some of the peo gether for the last time in the volleyball season,
ple, afraid of what could have happened, de and said our magic words: "Bibidi Babidi
cided to go back home on time, and no prob Boo". Then we all went home, and started
lem. But there were some others that thought waiting for the basketball season to start.
Ki188 CD e
Kare
A
Jamie Brown

This year's high school musical will never tried before," he adds.
once again be directed by Joe Fiea, with mu Miss Storey is in charge of all music and
sical director Kjerstine Storey and costumes choreography for "Kiss Me Kate." This is her
and set design by Jan Ramirez. It is the fifth time as musical director for a Maya play,
Broadway musical "Kiss Me Kate," a play and her third time dealing specifically with the
about a group of actors in the 1940fs per high school's musicals. The music presented
forming a "spoof on Shakespeare," as says in this production is typical of the time during
Mrs. Ramirez; a comical version of Shake which the play takes place. "We're trying to
speare's "The Taming of the Shrew." keep the quasi, 40's-style tap dancing," says
Mr. Feia has high hopes for this year's Miss Storey. "Some people may think it's cor
musical. He has directed a number of plays ny, but that's how they danced."
at Maya, and he expects this one to be "the Mrs. Ramirez, head of costume and set
most fun we've ever had putting on a show." design, also seems to think this year's musical
Mr. Feia chose this play for several rea will be a success. This is her first time work
sons. First off, he liked the type of parts it ing with one of Maya's high school musicals,
presented. The costumes also appealed to but she seems nonetheless ready for the job.
him. He wanted a change, and feels this She plans for a dully-colored set to contrast the
play is the one that'll do it. It will be the flashy outfits that will be worn on stage. There
first big high school production Maya has will be two types of costumes, the first being
put on without the convenience of the thea realistic 40's wear and the second colorful, fun,
ters at IGA or the American School. Maya's exaggerated; the latter intended for the perfor
very own gym will be turned into a theater mance of "Kiss Me Kate," the play inside the
"that is going to amaze people," says the en play.
thusiastic director. "We're trying stuff we've This being the first big production without
a professional theater, Ramirez predicts that Dance Ensamble (continued...)
this will be a "real challenge for the set Nathan Lee
crew." The entire stage and all sets will be Kyung Ro
constructed right here at Maya; from the Ellen Yoon
curtain pulley system to a real working Paige Cunningham
fountain. It will be staged like last year's Katherine Gonzales
"100 Years of Broadway," but taken to a Maria Koch
higher extent. Ana Mercado
So far, the cast for "Kiss Me Kate" is as Maggie Rhodes
follows: Reinier Spruijt

Fred Graham/Petruchio... Abdias Irizarry There is also a long list of set crew members
Lilli Vanessi/Katherine... Vanessa for "Kiss Me Kate." They are as follows:
Bergonzoli
Lois Lane/Bianca... Alison Lugo Fly System
Bill Calhoun/Lucentio... Kevin Baldizon Magnus Franklin
Hattie.. Amanda Rhodes Miguel Turner
Gagsters... Alison Shwarz Costumes
Dan Luna Suzanne Polanco
Harrison Howell... Jeff Brown Ana Teresa Mayrides
Harry Trevor/Baptista... Tomas Lin Jennifer Peterson
Sam the Stage Manager... Maria Estrada Jennifer Cintron
Pauline... Rana Hamdy Stage Manager
Doorman... Debra Walsh Marcus Holla
Gremio... Jorge Cortes Lights
Hortensio... Sung Wan Ro Mariana Raskosky
Cab Driver... Ben Baldizon Props
Haberdasher... Asaf Mazar Mary Joe Lent
Petrucio's Servants... Maggie Rhodes Mario Chicas
Maria Koch Esteban Fanjul
Paige Sound
Cunningham Aaron Chock
Singing Ensemble: Woo-chul Hwang
Alice Chen Carlos Victoria
Elizabeth Luk Sets
Robin Orlansky Paul O'Sullivan
Jamie Brown Alex Petricevich
Vanessa Carbonell Albert Delgado
Mira Cho Adrian Devoto
Yoon Kim Chip Chester
Dance Ensemble: Gustavo Andrade
Daniela Lopez
Loretta Luk
Ayumi Sakamoto The plot of "Kiss Me Kate" revolves ar
Sergio Cortes ound an ex-couple, played by Abdias Irizarri
ValerioDeMeo and Vanessa Bergonzoli, who are thrown to
Jennifer Garber gether in this play. Things seem to be going
Javier Lacayo fine until Lois Lane (Alison Lugo) steps in. It
Andrea Damarceno takes a couple of gangsters and a lot of persua
Jason Peterson sion to keep Lilli (Vanessa) from running off
Ben Baldizon in the middle of a show to her rich fiance.
Kristin Gonzales You'll see what happens November 22 ...
Irjfervje# Wjfh fhe
Djrecfer:
Beyond the gafef of fhe jroqf office
Luisa Meyerman

Behind the teachers, the principals, the emotional problems. The weaknesses of the
students and the frustrating books there is a school are very few he says, and in the thirty
man, the ALMIGHTY Dr. Fred Pascuale years as an educator, Colegio Maya has been
Pascuale . The MAN who greets us in the the finest teaching environment he has worked
morning when get out of our bus or car, and in, although facility wise it is still somewhat
tells us whether our clothing is appropriate. weak; an auditorium would be quite useful and
So, now let me take a few minutes of your swimming facilities for more physical educa
time and introduce you to the MAN. Born tion activities would be much appreciated by
on August 18th 1935 in Bellaire, Dr. Fred the student body and teachers. His goals as Co
Pascual describes himself as "kind", legio Maya's director have to a great extent
although an oxymoron when addressing a been achieved, and they were to establish be
director, and maybe a tad ironic, one must liefs and direction within the school. Speaking
agree with him. When asked about his fami of a recent event, the unfortunate incident in
ly Dr. Pascuale Pascal enthusiasticly men volving the time capsule, to those who aren't
tions being blessed with seven children, familiar with this incident, the event was as
ranging from 22 to 34 years of age, and four follows: Our school's time capsule had videos,
wonderful grandchildren. It is then one un tapes and other physical and emotional memo
derstands why he has no desire to go back ries from our student body, teachers and staff
into the past but instead live the present, which were put away in this underground room
although he would like to spend some time in 1991, and wasn't scheduled to be opened un
with old friends. Out of curiosity, I asked til the year 2001. Unfortunately, unknown in
him where he would like to go, if he could truders entered our school, forced open the
go anywhere in the world or beyond; anoth time capsule, took everything out and defecat
er planet, was his answer. Why? For the ed in it. This was a heart breaking event for all
same reason I asked him that specific ques of those who's memories were kept there, and
tion. His kindness and dedication is reflected to those who just knew what this meant to our
in his enthusiasm towards his work . His school. Dr. Pascuale's opinion about this incid
biggest accomplishment is having been di ent is quite strong. 'This incident not only re
rector of three outstanding American inter flects what the wrongdoers think about our
national schools. His greatest wish, to be the school but also, what type of people they are."
best director Colegio Maya has ever had . he says."Our school will try to find those who
Moving on to school matters, I asked him tried to intimidate us and make sure they re
about Colegio Maya's biggest strengths, ceive appropriate punishment." To Dr. Pas
which are; the learning enviorment of the cuale: Thank you for your time and kindness to
school, it's students, staff, teachers (I can't let us interview you, it was truly a pleasure to
imagine why) and above all the counseling get to know you better. To the readers: Thank
and support offered to the students and par you for your time, we hope this article let you
ents, concerning the students' grades and know more about our school's leader.
Th£ Smiths Ben Baldizon

This year, like every other year, we have What university degrees do you
several new teachers at Maya. Two of these have?
new teachers are Bill and Judy Smith who
teach high school PE and English, respec Mr. S: "I have a masters in Education"
tively.
Before coming here, the Smiths lived in Mrs. S: "A Bachelors in Home Economics
Bend, Oregon, where Mr. Smith taught PE and Education and graduate hours in educa
for thirty years and Mrs. Smith taught 8 tion." Mrs. Smith has done enough graduate
years of middle school health, nutrition, and hours to get her Masters but it seems she just
family studies and one year of high school hasn't got around to it yet.
(same subjects). When asked why they
came to Colegio Maya, Mr. Smith answered How do you like your job here at
that he wanted to live in a different country Maya so far?
and he heard that Maya was a good school.
Mrs. Smith simply said, "We heard it was an Mr. S: "It's been real good. Real interest
awesome school." ing. This school is definitely smaller than my
I asked the Smiths a few question to old school."
learn about themselves and their new life
here in Guatemala and this is what they said. Mrs. S: "I love it. I love everything about
it. It's great."
How do you like your life in Gua
temala so far? Mr. Smith has a two year teaching contract
here at Maya but aside from that he doesn't
Mr. Smith: "I enjoy it. the people are know how long he'll stay here. Mrs. Smith
warm and hospitable. The people are prob was only the English teacher until the new one,
ably the greatest asset." Mrs. Kate Stegall-Harris arrived (Friday the 6
of September). We needed a substitute for a
Mrs. Smith: "I love it. It's fascinating." while because the teacher that was originally
going to teach English didn't come. Mrs.
What do you do for fun (in your Smith plans to do part time teaching and sub
free time)? stituting as long as her husband is here. She is
now filling in a vacancy in the Elementary.
Mr. S: "I like to bike, run, and do any
thing outdoors" Since Mrs. Smith always has a quote up on
her board I decided to end my article with one
Mrs. S: "I like to run, bike, and hike." of them: "The best things in life are free."
MENVENIMI,
M$. HAkkl$!
Kyung Ro

A new teacher is on board! Yeah, yeah, I the interview, she smiled.


know. There was actually lots of new teach Q: What was your first impression of
ers this year, but I'm telling you guys that Guatemala?
this teacher is even more new. It's Ms. Har A: Well, I could say that the friendliness
ris in the English department! After the four of the people came to my attention.
weeks of delay, she was welcomed into our
cozy little environment, and is now in the Q: How do you feel about Colegio Maya,
state of familiarizing herself with Guatema its system, and the students?
la. So far, she's been quite content and we A: Here, it seems like one family more
hope that she'll find something special in our than just a school. I am happy with the system,
community. and the faculties and students were all so wel
For those who yet doesn't know her, I coming.
might as well describe her physical features. Q: What was the cause of your four weeks
She has a blonde hair, a light blonde that is; delay?
loosely tumbled in short curls. Then there A: I was teaching in the Asian school
are those large, blue eyes set on a pair of which is in the center of Boston, Massachusetts
dark-framed, thick, rectangular glasses. Her for on month during August, when I was of
lips are neatly thin with a touch of pink col fered the job here. I continued teaching there
or. Her skin is white, and her words are until the 31st of August, since it is not profes
formed quietly and slowly out of her mouth. sional to break a contract.
Our English teacher's full name is Patri Q: What are the goals you wish to make
cia Jame Kathleen Snyder Stegall-Harris. for this year?
She was born in March 19, 1937. Her hob A: I wish to make good writers of my
bies are tennis, swimming, singing, travel students and get to know everybody well.
ing, and when she is fit, she likes to ski. Af Q: In what other places have you taught
ter a moment of consideration, she decided before?
on Chinese food for her taste. She was born A: I taught in countries such as Kuwait,
in Buffalo, New York; but has been moving Saudi Arabia, England (London), and five dif
around all her childhood and also through ferent states.
her adulthood. Ms. Harris has lived in Cali Q: What is the difference between those
fornia and Massachusetts for the longest pe schools and Maya?
riod. She graduated from Cornell University, A: I guess the schools had less freedom for
as an English major; moreover, she also ob students in decision making and not as flexible.
tained a master degree of psychology in the They do not offer free time as much as the
University of Pacific which is located in students needed. Most countries has similar
Stockton, California. She has lived in four subjects as Maya except Saudi Arabia, where
foreign countries and traveled to four conti they have heavy censorship upon Western ma
nents. She had the experience of being a terials such as movies, tapes, CD's, and novels.
flight attendant and supervisor for TWA for I also taught princes and princesses while they
twelve years. Then she came back to teach were in High school.
ing in 1988. She had married twice, and Q: Do you have any message you would
thinks of the students as her children. like to give this moment?
Going further, she generously allowed A: I would like to say that I'm happy to be
more time to answer another set of questions here and I plan to stay a long time...if the fates
with enthusiasm. She was delighted to do are kind (chuckle).
Mr.
Tfce myt&. XH legend, t&e Mstory teacher...
Tomas "My hamster is Psycho" Lin

Bradley W. Smith, or Mr. Smith/coach, the social sciences. I always thought about be
as he is known affectionately by Maya stud ing a teacher, I thought about the things I want
ents, is our new history teacher. The twenty ed to do with my life, specially after I start a
five year old student council advising, girls family, I like the idea of having the summer
volleyball coaching bachelor already has a free for me and my kids. I like the age of the
very selective fan club at Colegio Maya, kids, watching them change in high school and
made up mostly of freshmen and sophomore as they are getting ready to enter college, and
women (and two guys). But, who is Mr. hopefully help them and guide them in the pro
Smith? In order to know <insert authority cess.
figure name hero better, we decided to sit Can you explain on your decision to
down with him and ask him a few dementia- become a teacher of the social scienc
inducing questions. Here are the results of es?
that grueling Monday afternoon interview. I particularly like the social sciences be
cause it allows a freedom to explore life
through the life of others. It allows me, as the
teacher, to learn and provide life messages to
Mr. Smith, can you tell us a little the students. Also, the subjects, like sociology,
about your family?
are very analytical.
I am an only child, born in the Chicago What do you expect from your stud
urban area, both my parents are living, I ents?
have a very close relationship with both of I expect that they come eager to learn, have
them, I attribute that to being an only child. an open attitude and are willing to work hard.
The rest of my family are scattered around What do you expect your students
the world: Illinois, Paris, many in to learn from you?
Springfield... I think I am very close to my I hope they acquire a solid knowledge of
father's side of the family, my mother's the subject matter and learn life lessons along
[side] is older. My dad used to be a teacher.
the way to help in their personal growth. I also
They are my heroes.
want to share my experience with them.
Tell us about your education...
I started out by going to undergraduate
school at Cornell College, I finished there in
1993 with a double major in history and po Many of your students have said
litics, minoring in sociology. I then went on that you have an obsession with the
Colgree University for a masters, finished Dodgers, can you elaborate on that?
that in the summer of 94. Finished student I don't think of it as an obsession, there is
teaching in upstate New York. And then I just no other choice. If you are a true baseball
went on to Tegucigalpa the following fall. fan, there is just other options! The Dodgers
Do you have a particular philoso epitomize greatness in baseball. Its a team that
phy of teaching? has the greatest organizational structure, this is
Personally, I believe in organization and the team that soared through the color barrier,
high energy as the teacher [and] activities, it is a really good team, and there is just no
discipline and fun for the students. other option!
Why did you decide to become a Which would be three words that
teacher? you would use to describe yourself?
I like the subject matter: social studies, I think the first word that comes to mind is
devoted, because when I there is something I do you want?
believe in or think is worth doing, I do it. (Malignant giggle) X-ray vision, immortal
Passionate, I live life to the fullest. ity,
Optimist, I always like to think positive.
Can you describe the worst job Mr. Smith is one of the more interesting
you have ever had?
faculty members (pardon the oxymoron) of the
I worked a lot of jobs to get through col school. If you don't have him in any of your
lege. One summer I worked as a weekend classes, make an attempt to know the guy. The
dog cleaner, It was from six am to six pm, I jocular being can be spotted around campus in
had to clean the cages, scrape up stuff from clear days. Try to make contact or I'll hunt you
German Sheperds meaner than anything I've down and kill you! And, Mr. Smith, welcome
seen in my life, It was the worst job I have to the dysfunctional Colegio Maya family!
ever had, but it was a great learning experi
ence.

Can you define perfection?


I have two definitions for perfection.
One, is to give 100 percent into everything
you do. And two, perfection is symbolized
in the character of El Guapo, (evil grin) no
explanation given.
Is there something you regret not
doing in the past? \
I have no regrets about anything that I
haven't done. However, I regret fooling ar
ound in Physical Education in my junior
year in college, I fell trying to dunk a bas
ketball, which gave me all sorts of problems. Air registered fan club members can obtain a
Would you like to say something free copy of this picture by dialing 1-800-me-
to the millions of fans you have in weird. ©Copyright 1996, Satanic Cookies Inc.
Not actual size.
the Colegio Maya campus?
Stay sweet and be true to yourselves.
Name: Bradley W. Smith
CLA$S\f\QD: fit W/tRD 6TLfF Age: 25
Yrs. teaching: three
If you could meet any character,
either real or fictional, who would Place of Birth: Melrose, Illinois (Chicago
you like to meet? suburban area)
I would love to meet Martin Luther Reason of coining to Maya: "If Mr. Pas-
tore can do it, everyone can!"
King, also, Jackie Robinson will be great.
If you were to be a shade of the Reads: Newsweek, Time, Sports Illustrated,
rainbow, what color would you be Harpers, biographies, non-fiction.
and why? Favorite Author: Ernest Hemingway
(After long "Are you insane?" look) Yel Favorite Food: Macaroni and cheese and
Chips Ahoy.
low, because I have blond hair.
Type of music: Likes anything.
Do you have any superhuman
powers? Instrument: Radio.
I think I have superhuman knowledge on Hobbies: Learning, meeting new people, hav
how to coach my teams to be successful ing new experiences, traveling, sports (best in
baseball), clowning around.
(Mr. Smith is the coach of the girls' volley
ball team and plan to coach girls' basketball Lucky number: 13 (ASK TO SEE HIS
pretty soon). LUCKY PENDANT).
BIGGEST, DARKEST FEAR: Bees.
What other superhuman powers
At IJlAYA!
8tORY
Edgardo Pabon

Have you ever been a new student in any totally lost.


other school? At Maya? If you haven't, I Usually this is the time of the day where
will try to explain how it is. But if you have, the most people introduce to you. After the two
this will just be like remembering the past. longest periods of classes of your life you fi
Today is your first day at Colegio Maya, nally go home. When you get home you start
You wake up in the morning and you are thinking and you realize that actually the day
shaking. You are not hungry, you don't want was not that bad and the most weird thought
to know anything of what your parents ttell come to your mind: you really want to go back.
you, you are in a bad mood. Then, you care I don't know why, but it is like this. And for
fully select the clothes you are going to wear the rest of the week you feel the same, and for
to give a good impression on your first day the rest of the week it is the same. You don't
at school. You come down the table and really get to make friends until your second or
don't eat anything, Since it is your first day third week of classes. Then is where you real
of school, your mom takes you in her car. ize how good or bad is school.
When you get to school you just know, this I have been a new student four times and I
is the "real time". You get into your first have lived in four different countries and it has
class and sit down on the back row, where been really hard for me to adapt mostly in the
you can see everybody but they can't see last three of them, because it's not easy to
you. Because of your scheduule, people in make good friends and from one day to another
your classes are different and you get to see just forget about them and never see them
more unknown people in your classes. At again. I miss all my friends from Colombia,
this time your only friend is your teacher Costa Rica, and Puerto Rico but I always try to
since is the only one that knows your name. not think about this and just think about what
The first 2 periods of classes go very quick is going on now. I think that from all the
and when you see your watch is already schools IVe been on Maya is one of the places
lunch time. This is the time of the day in where you can adapt the fastest. Here you feel
which you feel the worst because everybody that people want to know you and that they
else is in their respective group, talking to want you to know them. In the other schools
their friends and you are here by yourself I've been on it took me like approximately a
with nobodzy else to talk to. If you are a shy month in order to have some real friends, but
guy (like me) what you will do is to go to here at Maya it only takes you 2 weeks or less.
the library in order to rest. But if you are the Also I found this is a very good school and it
type of people that is always making new has a great quantity of good teachers which al
friends you will be at the library, looking for ways try to help you and that's very good. I
a place where to sit. Then after lunch when would like to thank also the students for mak
you go back to class you found out that you ing it easier to be here at Colegio Maya.
are the same way you were in the morning:
CAN I ASK YOU
A QUESTION?
DIGGIN' INSIDE THE MINDS OF MAYA STUDENTS
Kyung Ro

Welcome back, Colegio Maya students! "Wait! wait, lemme think...uh...the school
Yes, summer vacation is over... Those is quite fine...yeah, yeah...it's fine," replied a
sweet, carefree days in paradise have slipped freshmen, while stuffing a piece of bread in her
away so unmercifully through your fingers. mouth.
We are now boldly standing on the starting "Well, honestly...I don't like it...(say that in
line, confronting higher and harder obstacles one word) Hey, does my name come out?
than those gone by last year. Jumping up to (Probably, if I want it to) Really? Oh, then
a higher grade can be a point of excitement, change my answer. Come on! Change it!"
but also a heavy burden to bp thrown into "It's O.K.," a sophomore tells me slowly,
your bag of responsibilities. Sure you miss forming the letters with his lips.
all the memories, either good or bad, that oc "It is a school.(duh...) Oh, you mean my
curred during the two months of summer va personal opinion?(yes, that's exactly what I
cation. Nevertheless, meeting your old pals mean) Well, it's...excellent! hee hee hee,"
again and seeing each other's face everyday blurted out a freshmen. (Why the heck is he
isn't so bad either (I guess...). We must also laughing?)
be aware of our new students, who have tak "Me?(yes, you) What kind of question is
en tentative steps onto our school campus, that? (Do you happen to realize everything you
beginning to fill up the empty spaces of say is being written down in the magazine, the
those gone. Maya PULSE?) uh...give me time to think.(
By starting a new year, I decided to poke Don't worry, I'll wait) I dunno, really... What
some high-school students with my ques am I supposed to say? (Hey, I'm the one asking
tions to find out their feelings about the questions around here!) I guess it's okay...there
school. What are the students' expectations? I answered," replied a student.(I wouldn't men
What are the changes they would like to tion she was a senior)
make? What is their judgment of the school
system, and what do they think of our teach God gives you absolute control over
ers? Colegio Maya. What is the first thing
you would do?
Describe Colegio Maya in one "Ha ha...absolute control? Well...ooh! I
word. know. I'll make Wednesdays a half day and on
Fridays the students wouldn't be allowed to
"Learning!" shouts out an anonymous study!" exclaims a sophomore (Brown), nod
junior, so pleased with herself. ding her head vigorously (Cool school, yeah,
"In one word? (yes, that's what I said) but quite impossible..).
um...well...I dunno (a long pause) I guess it's "If I had the control, there will be no
just... ah... just okay," mumbled a sopho homework, no exams such as SAT, and every
more, costing me a considerable amount of body would have straight A's!" shouts out an
patience. anonymous sophomore (Ben Baldizon...oops!),
"It's two words with ten letters...no, wait waving out his hand (Again very excellent
a minute...oh, it's eleven letters." ideas, but yet so faraway from reality).
"I know, I know, I'll make the school me think...(pause) Uh...I choose Mr. Pastore
only for boys, or better yet, each class will then. He's pretty cool." (We understand his
be full of boys with only one girl! Yeah, first choice was to die, don't we?)
yeah! hee hee hee," babbles an anonymous "Mr. Pastore, definitely. (Why?) Cause he's
freshmen. Poor thing, she must be having a funny. (And?) Ah...he's good at sports. (You
terrible breakup with her boyfriend. must remember he's there to teach you litera
"Hey, you didn't ask me your question! ture, not basketball!) Anyway, I think he'll be
(I didn't?) Aren't you going to ask me? the best."
(Okay, fine, sorry...) Hmm hm, I would "My choice? I think Mr. Smith(History) is
make a... a... swimming pool! Yeah, a big cool. He's the kindest. He's really funny too!"
swimming pool beside the Gym. Ooh, and replies an anonymous sophomore, without hes
also I'll improve the music department. itation.
(How?) Easy, I'll fill up Ms. Storey's room "To be lectured for a thousand years?
with a lot of pianos!!" Great, Ellen, I'm sure (gasp) Well, ah... I prefer to be with Ms.
Ms. Storey will be very happy to hear that. Storey," answers a junior, still spastically
"I'll improve the Gym with new equip twitching with the idea of lectures.
ment, better system, more sport "I choose Mr. Berke cause he's really nice
activities...Got it?" Ah yes, Monica (Garcia) and kind. I really like him." (Yeah, except for
your special interest for physical training his taste of music and those final exams!).
can't be left out. "I like Mrs. Barrera, the Spanish teacher,
"I would demand that each student has she's real kind."
their own personal Macintosh computers on "Mr. Smith rules! He's the best! Yeah!
their desks," pounces a freshmen, blowing a Yeah!" exclaims an anonymous freshmen who
bubble in my face. began to play with his fork... poking at his
"Did you say total control? (an evil grin spaghetti noodles.
spreading on his face) hee hee hee, ooh, "Mr. Connoly because there probably
okay...(Um, Paul, I know what you're think wouldn't be any electrical equipment on a de
ing. I'm sorry, but there should be a certain serted island." (Smart thinking!)
limit to your imagination for this answer). "I think Mr. Pastore will be okay. No
Darn it...okay, if I had total control...I'll like reason." (Hey freshmen, got any more of those
make the school much bigger, you know, chips you were eating?).
cause it's so small..." thank you, O'Sullivan, "Ms. Barrera," responds a junior, imme
for your cooperation. diately walking away. (Did I do something
"Does this mean I even have power over wrong?)
the teacher and the principal? (Yes, I guess "A teacher? (yes, that's what I said) in a de
so) Well, then can I like fire them? serted island? (uh-huh) I guess Mr. Berke
(Depends, but don't be so cruel) No? would be nice to be with... Mr. Bond isn't bad
Then...um...(pause)... either." (Yeah, they both have the addiction to
well...(another long pause) Oh, I got similar types of music...weird!).
it...Party all Day!" shouts out the senior "Me? Definitely M.K. (Hey, isn't Ms. Kay-
student, so victoriously. Hmmm... ayan a Middle school teacher?) Well... Hey,
but she teaches yearbook" says the freshman
You committed a mortal sin and triunphantly.
you are dropped on a deserted island "Ms. Storey is really fun. We will never be
in punishment. You must be lectured bored with her!"
to by a single teacher for a thousand "Mr. Feia is great... cool!" answers a sen
years. Who would be the most bear ior, busilly typing his work.
able? "Let me think... (pause) What is this for?
"Augh...Ifll rather die.(You can't do (Publications) Who's your teacher? (Why!? If
that!) Can't I jump in the water and be eaten it helps you answer the question, okay, it's Mr.
by the sharks? (I'm going to beat you up if Pastore) I guess Mr. Pastore is my best
you keep on with it!) Well, wait then. Let choice!" shruggs the anonymous senior.
BOGGLING QUESTIONS FQRJHE
LLY ITT8ATTE BY THE CRPlHT|ALLY
ITJ8AT|E...
Ben Baldizon and Paul O'Sullivan

(For future reference, Ben is Bold and Paul, that is not the Question, that
Paul is italics.) is the question. The Question really is:
There is a Lady (funny how that
Following in the tradition of "The works). She goes out one night and
Lunchtime Inquisition", Paul and I gets a little drunk. She goes back
have come up with another astound home, walks up to her room, turns off
ing, mind-boggling, incredibly awe the light, and goes to sleep. The next
some question thingy with which we morning, she gets up, goes to the wind
can publicly embarrass those foolish ow looks outside, sees what she has
enough to answer. done, and promptly kills herself. Why?
Yes, that is correct Ben the Bold. For That is what the people are supposed
our first edition of Mind Boggling Ques to find out. Oh, yeah. And with that in
tions for the Criminally Insane by the telligent comment from Paul, we will
Criminally Insane we have contrived, end our introduction... for now.
concocted! Hey, stay out of my paragraph! To embarass people in an orderly
Anyways we have come up with a brilliant fashion, I will give the various an
mystifying, really cool question for your swers in order of what grade the peo
viewing pleasure. ple are in, except when I don't feel like
You know what, I could have doing it that way.
sworn I just said something like that. We really do have some quite inovative an
Yeah, well I try my hardest oh BOLD one. swers, maybe even some serious ones! Uh,
Hey, stay out of my paragraph! So sure Paul just keep rambling on...
anyway, through extensive research I Thank you BOLD one! It's such a pity that no
have discovered the true meaning of one was smart enough to even come near the
life but since that is completely ir answer. That just goes to show everyone who
relevant to the story I won't tell you are the greatest of them all, HA, ha, ha, ha, ha,
what it is. What is relevant to the ha!!!!! Right Ben? Uh, Paul don't strain
story, however, is the (Background mu yourself, you can take a break now. Oh
sic (drumroll, trumpet fanfare, etc.)) Ques Thank you oh Bold one, By the way I've al
tion. What exactly is this question ways wondered why are you BOLD, huh? I
you might ask. Well I'm not going to like recognition sometimes!!
tell you. Ha ha ha. Well, you see, Ben starts with B
Is it my turn now? Yes, Paul, you and Bold starts with B so I thought
may speak (or write or whatever it is that just maybe there was an obvious
you do). Thank you oh BOLD one! Oh connection in there somewhere. Any
boy oh boy!! Ladies and gentlemen, the way, lets get back to the subject. CRIS
Question you have all been waiting for, well CO? No, Paul. Actually, I was thinking
not really but here goes anything. The Ques more about the Question, and more im
tion is: What is the true secret of CRISCO portantly, the Answers. Lets start with
oil!! the Ninth graders. Did you get any
ninth graders? Yeah, actually I did. Good.
Now give me their answers. Michelle will enlighten us or die try
Okay. The first Freshman will remain ing. Michelle, let's hear your answer.
anonymous. His name is Sebastian and this "How can she see herself out the window?
is his answer. Why? Because she probably killed someone...
"Do you have your pencil sharpened? oooooo! maybe she was a werewolf. Ummm.
Okay, I'll tell you what happened. Well, She found she was someone she wasn't. She
what happened was urn... urn... (insane was bad. Stuff like that. This question is
laughter). Stop writing what I say! Okay. It dumb."
was a dark and stormy night. What was the Well, this sophmore also seems to
Lady's name? (More laughing). That is not be quite confused but she did stay
fair. I don't know!! She ran over her dog and away from the nervous laughs and the
then threw the living room wall and then obscene language, quite an achieve
(blankity blank...)." ment, if you ask me. Which nobody did.
Well, this is one very confused Shut up Paul. Anyway, now we will be
Freshman. If I were a psychologist I enlightened by yet another ingenious,
could make a full analysis based on incredible, amazing, confused, Sopho
just this answer but I'm not so I more, Monica.
won't. However, I do find a need to "Okay. Uh...(nervous laugh). What are you
question just how a Lady throws a writing? Uh... um... she saw herself in the
living room wall. Last I'd heard window and got scared and killed herself. I
those were pretty darn heaavy and don't know. What are you writing this for?
pretty hard on the back. But folks, Don't put this in the magazine! Put me in as
this is a freshman we're talking anonymous."
about and Freshmen are, well, wierd. Um, o.k. You know Ben these people are
But enough of that. Paul, do we have really confused between mirrors and windows.
any more Weirdmen, I mean Fresh Windows you have to look through not into
men? like a mirror.
As a matter of fact, Ben, we do. Next on Well, Paul give them a break. After
our hit list is Gian Carlo* and here we have all, these people were Freshmen not so
his funny answer. "(Srlence) Why? Because long ago and like I said, Freshmen are
she had a bad hair day? She found out she weird.
(obscene comment) (choking noises and un Anyway, let's go to the next Sophomore.
controllable laughter)." Actually, Paul, now is one of those
Well, that was interesting. Actually, it special occasions when I break the pat
really wasn't but I feel compelled to write tern and go to a different grade. Let's
something nice. Now that that's over with, hear some answers from those Junior
I'd like to add that the choking noises were a people.
nice touch and I give it two thumbs up. Any This thoughtful answer comes from
comments Ben? Markus*.
As a matter of fact, yes. These "Cause, um.... wait.... she saw that she
Freshmen seem to think they're quite (obscene comment) dog."
the comedians what with their un Well, Paul, I must say that I am qu
controllable laughter. And their ob ite disappointed with this Junior of
scene comments, my, my, what is yours. It seems he is reverting to his
this world coming to when even the Freshman mode what with his obscene
Freshmen are full of obscenities. comment and all. All he needed was a
Of course I agree Ben but I must admit funny laugh of some kind and you'd
that if I saw what they do every morning in never know he was a Junior. But let's
the mirror... well, let's not get into that. see if some of the other Junior's can...
Yeah, whatever, Paul. Now I will Show us the true meaning ofCrisco?... give
introduce some of the Sophomore's us a more deeply thoughtful, personal,
answers. First on the list is Michelle. really cool answer. Now we have a
long in depth answer from Robin. (obscene comment) answer, like those
"Uh, because... (silence) (more funny Freshmen and women. Shut up.
silence)... (nervous chuckle)... uh... cause Ben, we must be politically correct. It's the
when she was drunk she parked her car in nineties. When I want your help I won't
the middle of the road and it was a real nice ask for it Paul. But let's move on to
car and all her money was in the glove com our next contestant, another Freshman
partment." (woman) woman called Maria.
Wow Ben, that one cut right to the soul, "She didn't go home that night and went to
man. I think I'm gonna cry. Hold on, someone else's house."
Paul, help is on the way. Ifm sure
one of the students from the psychol
ogy class can do something for you
or use you as a test subject or guinea
pig or something cool like that. Then Sorry about those empty lines; but
I could write an article on that and we really needed some time to fully
get Mr. Pastore off my back for a absorb and comprehend the many fac
while. But let's get back to the sub ets of Maria's answer. Paul? (Stunned
ject which, contrary to popular be silence) Paul?! Are you okay.
lief, is not the true meaning of Cris- Hold on, Ben, I'm still trying to think.
co. Now we shall hear the brilliant Don't rush my thinking process.
answer of a senior, Abdias by name. Well, while you recover from that
"(Day 1: Silence)...(Day 2: More devastating answer I'll hit you with
silence)... (Day 3: I'm thinking.)...(Day 4: another incredible response by the Ju
Don't rush me.)...Day 5: The Lady was a nior Dan.
woman of power. The night she got drunk, "Is this a yes or no question? No. Okay,
she started going off about how her country Yes."
sucked and she ordered a nuclear holocaust. Uh, oh. I think we may have over
Knowing what she was doing, she went done it with two answers like that in a
down to her basement and hid in her bomb row. Paul, talk to me. Are you still
shelter for the night. The next morning, she alive? Where's all this smoke coming
woke up. She was disoriented, didn't know from? Are you thinking too hard or
where she was, blah blah blah. She went up something?
to her roof (she lived in a two story house) Okay, Yes, Wrong house, Ben.
and looked out and saw the mass destruction Let's try a more normal answer now
she had caused. At that moment she remem to try to stabilize Paul's brain activity
bered that she had ordered and felt really again. We will take a short answer
bad just really bad? all right, <beep> de from a short Sophomore. Yes you
pressed and she killed herself." guessed it. It's Christina Cowart!
Yes well that pretty much sums "She killed somebody."
up the night of your average high / think I'll be okay now. No thought re
level drunk government official. quired for that last one. Short, sweet, and to the
Well, well, well, this is probably the best point. Wrong, of course, but then again so is
answer so far even though it's a little far everyone else's. But let's move on to another
fetched. I'm sure it would take a normal hu answer, this time by Jamie the Sophomore.
man being a great amount of imagination to "Because the window was actually closed
conjure up this answer, but it probably only so when she checked to see if she had closed
took Abdias a couple seconds. the sun roof on her car she smashed her face in
Actually, it took him 5 days to to the window and she realized that the wind
come up with that answer but I'm ow was closed and she died."
seriously impressed that he actually Well, of course, Jamie. I periodical
bothered to tf^y to really answer it in ly crash into nay window too because
stead of giving us some stupid it's so dang* barrd to see the window you
know, it's like it just ain't there. old block, if you know what I mean.
Especially those goldarn screen doors, Since it's obvious that you're not
those things are invisible, and deadly while going to give me even a little hint let's
I'm at it! I it's like a conspiracy, I tell ya' just go straight to the answer, shall
they're all aliens planning to wipe out the we?
entire human race! "(Silence) What the (blankity
With CRISCO, right? Paul, I blank) kind of question is that?! Hey what are
think you should go to a nice little you doing, Ahhh!! You can't write that!!!!
mental asylum and stay there for, oh, (violent struggle ensues) (may I remind this
three hundred years or so. So long Sophomore of the freedom of the press?)
now. Now for the next answer, by you're such an idiot, all right I'll answer it. She
Vanessa, a Junior. kills herself because when she gets home she
"Okay. (Repeats the question.) What has finds out she's really a man (blankity blank)
she done? (That's what I'm asking you, and she (he), Is this a girl or a guy!?!? She
Vanessa.) Okay... urn,... She did was she finds out she's a man and he had brought home
had a really expensive Ferrari. In the midst a strange woman from a club and (name with
of her drunkenness she drove her Ferrari held by request) was the woman's name um...
into her garage door 5 times because she for he found out he got aids from her um... and
got to open the door and the car wouldn't go that's why."
in so she kept on trying. In the morning she Um, Mr. Anonymous this is an, um,
saw her Ferrari smashed, smushed, shall we say interesting answer but it
scrunched, etc. so she killed herself." is obviously completely wrong. I think
Man, there's a lot of funny words and this anonymous person should be in
one wrecked car in that response. Where did ninth grade what with all his obscene
she come up with smushed and scrunched, comments and stuff. Don't you agree
anyway. Paul?
Who cares? We're not here to Yes, this mystery man certainly is some
question the answers. However, I'm kind of weirdo. What language for one so
wondering why just about everyone young.
has a wrecked car for their answer. Yeah, sure, whatever. Well, now we
I'm mean would you really kill your must... Let me announce it! Okay Paul.
self if you wrecked your car. The next answer comes from Allison, Ali
/ think these people really would do just son, Alyson, or Allyson the Junior. I don't real
that, Ben. ly know how to spell her name but come on
Well, that's okay then because I down, whoever you are!
really don't care what they say as "Why!? She ran over somebody's... I don't
long a£ I keep on getting these know and there was blood everywhere."
straaaaaange answers. Who's next Before you make any comments, Ben, we
Paul. must hear Jennifer Peterson's answer because it
I'm afraid I can't reveal the secret identi is kind of related to the Junior's.
ty of this anonymous sophomore, but boy "She probably wrecked the car 'cause she
would I like some chocolate Chip* cookies was drunk and (laughs, consults with the afore
such as Chips* Ahoy. mentioned Junior) she probably... oh, never
Really? I'm more in the mood for mind."
some potato Chips*, myself. Are you Wow. It's amazing what you get
sure you can't give just a little clue when you put together the mind of a
as to who this answer is from? Senior and a Junior. I didn't think an
Ben, your a really curious guy, kind of swers like this existed.
like curious George*. Yes, Ben, that was really and truly amaz
Paul, you're such a Chester*, I ing. But let's move on before I get a stroke or
mean Jester. something from the shear brilliance of those
Well, Ben, you're just a Chip* off the responses. Our next answer comes from one of
those funny people who think they teach us derwear on a telephone wire, OWW! What was
something. You guessed it, it's a TEACH that for? Shut up, Paul. As I was saying
ER.
before I was so rudely interrupted,
Our first teacher is The Psycholo what more could you expect from Woo
gist, Mrs. Trujillo. Chul. That's right.
"Am I supposed to know this? Repeat it. Alex* (anonymous male Sophomore):
I have no idea. It's too early to think. What's "She found a guy in her bed and when she
the answer?" woke up the guy tells her welcome to the
Guess you'll just have to buy The world of AIDS.
Pulse, Mrs. Trujillo. I'd love to com Albert: Urn... Okay.,, 'cause she realizes
ment on her answer but I'm afraid I she what she's done the night before, she sees
might be here during my senior year all these dead bodies, she realizes she has an
and I was kind of planning on taking uzie under her pillow and looks at the bodies
psychology. (again) and says, 'Okay. I've got to kill myself,'
Ditto. Our next answer comes from Ms. and she shoots herself four, no seventeen times
Storey. I'm afraid we wont be able to com in the head."
ment on this one either because Ben does Christina Miller: "Why? Urn . . Hmm...
have theater arts this year but feel free to Uh... she realizes... interesting... that... (long
criticize in private from the relative safety of pause)... don't write this, let me think about
your home. Anyway, her answer is as fol this. (Long pause)... She realizes that the guy
lows. she had this huuuuge crush on for like a looong
"(Long silence) (Laugh) Kills Herself? time was out there ummmm, by the window
She looks out the window. How old is she? completely naked and to her astonishment
Where does she live? How did she kill her (exclamation) was a woman. Um... the guy
self? (Who's asking the questions here she loved was a woman. (Breaks into tears)."
anyway?) She killed herself (mumbles to Well, it looks like our time is up.
herself) because she ran over her husband's It's a shame, Ben, it's such a pity. Pass me a
prize flowers and when he gets back from tissue. I can't contain myself.
the flower convention he'll kill her anyway Shut up, Paul. I guess we should re
so she just did it first." veal the answer now.
And finally, we will hear from Why?
the Soil man, Mr. Berke. Because that was the point of the
"(Long, long silence) Okay. She ran over whole article.
her favorite kitty cat who she couldn't live Very well then. What is the secret
without." ingredient in CRISCO?
Once again, we can't comment for Wrong question, Paul, but I'll tell
obvious reasons, primarily our grade you anyway. Qh, my gosh, heat stroke.
in Bio. Well, that concludes our I can't remember the secret ingredient
play-by-play review of the brilliant thank to that sudden heat stroke. Oh
answers of all them funny people. well.
Following are a bunch of answers Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
that I was too bored and lazy to com Moving on now, Paul, why don't
ment on so I'll just list them, in no you go ahead and reveal the answer.
discernible order whatsoever. Me?! I though you knew?
Jeff Brown: "She was nasty drunk." Did I miss something here? I
Woo Chul*: "Because, because she had thought you had the right answer.
a detachable (blankity blank). She was nor Nooo... Oh, well. I guess if you want to
mally a guy and then he/she woke up and know you'll just have to buy the next issue of
saw captain (blankity blank) was there and it the pulse. Toodooloo.
wasn't so she died."
I know I said I wouldn't comment *Names have been left the same to incrimi
but I Liar, liar, pants on fire, put you're un nate those involved.
Jamie Brown

Now, I realize this isn't the easiest ques asking people to think of jokes. So with my
tion for many people to answer. But, hey, I next subject I just let the issue come up natu
could've said it had to be a politically correct rally during self-study (to the dismay of Ms.
joke, or even - this is unthinkable! - a knock- Westcott). Ben Baldizon fell for it. I got my
knock joke. But all I asked for was anything first real joke! I really got my first joke! My
even remotely funny to put in the magazine. first joke I got, for real!
What was I thinking? It went something like this:
Collecting jokes around campus turned "There was this tribe of warriors in Africa
out to be one of the most frustrating assign called the Shan, okay? (Yeah, fine.) And the
ments I've had yet. Do you realize how hard Shan leader has this weird type of epilepsy and
it is to get someone to think of a joke on the needs to have a doctor with him at all times in
spot? I do. case he goes into a fit, so he doesn't do any
Most people were too busy or just didn't thing drastic. So he's always got this doctor
"feel like" answering the question. I spent at following him around everywhere he goes.
least half of a class trying to get anything. Then this one time the Shan are in battle
The first person to give me a viable answer, against this other tribe when the Shan leader
however obscure, was Mr. Berke. His re has one of his fits. So the other tribe kills the
sponse was, "Yeah. Hush ma puppies. Ha!" leader and kills the doctor and everybody dies.
Well, thanks, Mr. Berke. Just one question: (Typically Ben) The moral of the story is:
Where's the punchline? I guess I just can't Don't be around when the fit hits the Shan."
relate to the older...er, more mature... adult I like that one. Thanks, Ben. But... what
generation. Oh, what I miss out on... does the doctor have to do with anything?
Okay. So now I tried for some more Now, Michelle Wiater was sitting with us
kids. Christina Cowart was my first attempt. at the time, so she felt it necessary to put in a
The "go away, we're memorizing our mon joke of her own. Yes! "Why didn't the skele
ologues" kind of discouraged me, so I gave ton cross the road. Unfortunately, she gave us
up on that one. Ironically she ended up in time to answer. Four or five voices droned,
the hospital less than a week later for sur "Cause he didn't have the guts." Sorry,
gery. Sad story. Michelle.
I seemed to be having the best luck with Kevin and Kyung sympathized with my ef
the teachers, so I went for the nearest one: forts. Either that or they each just recently
Mr. Feia. This time I tried a new tactic; I heard a joke. Either way, I got my next couple
told him a joke of my own, first. No luck. of jokes out of them. Kevin's was short and
All I could get out of him was, "I'll think of sweet (well, not quite): "Have I told you why
one by tomorrow." Now, that may not have cows wear bells? Because their horns don't
been any improvement from my last at work!" I did say it only had to be remotely
tempt, but at least he humored me for a funny. Thanks, Kev. Kyung's rivaled Kevin's
while before totally ignoring the request. in simplicity. "What's big, gray, and has 16
It took me some time, but I finally real wheels? (Uh, I dunno. What?) An elephant
ized I wasn't going to get anywhere actually on roller skates!" Cute.
Determined to understand Mr. Berke, I On cold, dark evening in the middle of Fe
went back and tried the guilt trip that had bruary, with the temperature at eighteen below
worked so well on the last two. Aha! My and dropping steadily, an Alaskan trapper re
next victim! "There's this teacher giving a turned to his empty cabin were after thirteen
true/false test (it had to be Mr. Berke) and days on the trail. In the cabin were a kerosene
he looks back and sees this kid flipping a lamp, a fireplace, and a wood-burning stove,
coin. So he asks him, he says, fWhat are you and the trapper had but one match. What
doing?1 and the boys says, 'If its heads, its should he light first?
true; if its tails, its false.' So the teacher Answer: He should light the match first.
says, 'Okay,1 and sits down. But at the end
of the period the kid is still flipping the coin, According to law: In California, it is illegal
and the teacher says, 'You should have been to peel an orange in a hotel room.
done by now,' and the kid says, 'I'm check
ing my answers.'" Hey, Mr. Berke: have "It can't be Captain!"
you met Kevin? I think you two could relate There's no soda in soda water, no wax in
pretty well to one another.
sealing wax, and no lead in a lead pencil. The
Hey, there's Mr. Smith! (Social Studies) red sea is not red, a guinea pig is not a pig, and
Maybe he could give me something. catgut, well, who knows...
"Know any good jokes?"
"(Shakes head . . . pause . . .points at A pear is not a pair, nor is a pair a pear, un
Luisa Meyerman) Her face is kinda funny less a pear is half a pair of pears, in which case
(smug grin . . . leaves room)." We've been the pear, half a pair of pears, might be a pear of
telling you, Mr. Smith. You've gotta stop pairs, but not a pair of pears, unless the pear is
hanging around Mr. Pastore. a pear of pairs, in which case half a pear a pear
Well, actually, I can't say I got nothing but half a pear is not a pair, it's a pear of a pair.
out of this whole ordeal. I did learn one
thing: I'm not gonna do this for a living.
FLOCCINAUCINIHILIPILIFICATION,
longest word in the english language meaning,
"The action of estimating as worthless." The
action of estimating as worthless. Now there's
an important word you'll probably use for the
!.**» FiM: rest of your life.

No matter which way it's going, either Can you read letter talk?
forward or backward, DYNSXLN IMNNDN DLFN8DA
RACECAR is spelled the same.
If you need an activity to take up your time,
In Pittsburgh, you're not alowed to sleep look into a mirror and try to see yourself blink.
in a refrigerator.
In Quitman, Georgia, it is illegal for a chick
In Idaho, it is illegal to fish for trout from en to cross the road.
the back of a
giraffe. You are a truck driver. If you drive from
Birmingham, Alabama with a full load of to
In Detroit, sleeping in the bathtub is pro matoes, stop for fuel in Atlanta, Georgia at 6
hibited. o'Clock in the evening, and then continue on to
Raleigh, North Carolina, not exceeding the 55
I knew a gnu in the zoo that knew the M.P.H. speed limit, arriving before eight
news that two new gnus knew the zoo gnu o'clockin the morning on a Friday, how old is
knew the gnus knew he knew the new gnu's the truck driver?
zoo news too. Answer: Remember, you're the truck driver.
Roberto Castafier

I always thought I was just irresponsible. ple of minutes) extremely happy for little rea
I tried hard, but I couldn't get anything son. That also makes it hard to think about the
done. After I got a bad grade, I felt that I consequence of an act because the feelings are
hadn't tried hard enough. I was always the so extreme. Because of poor attention span,
slowest on in my class to finish work, and these people are also inatentive which gives
everybody thought of me as irresponsible them problems at school by not being able to
and lazy. I knew I had tried at some point, follow what the teacher is saying. For example,
but I felt that I had given up or something, they have a really hard time getting through
that I had done something wrong, and I reading because they start daydreaming or
thought I wouldn't do it again, but I did. I thinking about something else right after the
felt that I was using up everyone else's time first or second sentence without noticing, hav
by not doing what I had to do. It's always ing then to go back and read the whole thing
been pretty frustrating to have this problem again (that happens to everyone, but not as
and that is why I decided to write about it. much as it happens to people with ADD).
Attention Deficit Disorder is some sort Something else that makes it hard for them to
of dysfunction in the brain. It is hard for concentrate is that unlike average people, they
people with it to have control over some be are not able to filter out other sounds that they
havior such as hyperactivity, impulsivity or are not concentrating on. In other words, if you
both. About three percent of children in the don't have ADD, you are ignoring sounds ar
US have it. It is ten times more common in ound you while you are reading this, whereas
boys than in girls, but when girls have itrit if you do have ADD, anything you hear you
is usually very severe. People with it also pay attention to, making it hard for you to con
have a very poor attention span. It is hard for centrate.
them to evaluate or anticipate the conse Some characteristics of people with Atten
quences of their actions, and they have to try tion Deficit Disorders are: having difficulty to
harder to do so than average people. This is sit still; getting easily distracted by small
what causes impulsivity because they act things that wouldn't distract other people; hav
upon what their feelings say and don't think ing difficulty awaiting turns in games or group
about what they should or shouldn't do. In situations; often blurting out answers to ques
other words, they feel something and imme tions before they have been completed; having
diately act it out by instinct, and don't have difficulty following through on instructions
much time to think what the outcome of it from others; having difficulty sustaining atten
might be. Many times in a day that happens tion in tasks or play activity; often shifting
to them and after they have acted they go from one uncompleted activity to another; hav
"Oh man, now what's gonna happen?" and ing difficulty playing quietly; often interrupt
they feel guilty for it without really having ing and intruding others; often talking exces
had much control over it. These people often sively; often not listening to what is being said
feel impatient, exited, or temporarily (a cou to him or her, and losing things necessary for
tasks at school or at home. These people
have very little control over these things and
should not be blamed for them. These char
acteristics are more noticeable in children
because they can control them over time.
This is not because they lose the characteris
tics, but because they usually learn to con
trol them; and to try really hard not to let
FACTS!
-In a 1990 preschool poll, Mr. Rogers was first
them happen, because they are forced by so choice for President of the United States.
ciety to learn them just as average people -July 22 is National Rat-Catchers Day, No
have to learn to control their temper or put vember 19 is Have a Bad Day Day.
their problems aside while they are doing -Your tax dollars at work: According to one
work, etc. government study, pigs can become alchohol-
You are probably wondering why these ics.
people are like that. Here is a possible expla -The Neanderthal's brain was bigger than yours
nation: Everyone has neurons (nerve cells) is.
inside their brain. Since neurons are not -Al Capone's business card said he was a used
physically joined together, not touching each furniture dealer.
other, information must be "shot" from neu -Queen Victoria smoked marijuana to cure her
ron to neuron. This is done with cramps.

"neurotransmitter chemicals" which are sub -Peanuts are one of the ingredients used to
stances where information can be stored (the make dynamite.
chemical is what is being shot). People with -Elephants are the only land mammals that
ADD don't have as much of that chemical. can't jump.
Nobody really knows how that causes the -The real Daniel Boone detested coonskin
symptoms displayed by people with ADD, caps.

but it has been noticed that all people with it -No kidding - the cigarette lighter was invented
have less neurotransmiter chemicals, and before the match.
therefore, that is what scientists suspect -Five Jell-0 flavors that flopped: Celery, cof
causes it. fee, cola, apple, and chocolate.
-Alexander Graham Bell insisted the best way
If you want to know more about Atten to answer the phone was by saying, "Ahoy!11
tion Deficit Disorders, this is where I got my -52% of U.S. teens say they get along better
information: with mom; only 24% prefer dad.
-When he needed inspiration, Ludwig von
-Mrs. Winteroad (counselor). Beethoven poured water on himself.
-Weight-loss tip: Melting an ice cube in your
-Mrs. Greenwood (nurse). mouth burns about 2.3 calories.
-There's a town in Texas called, "Ding Dong."
-Harvey C. Parker, Ph.D "The ADD -Disneyland has the fourth largest navy in the
Hyperactivity Workbook for Parents, Teach world.
ers, and Kids", chapters 1 and 2. -Hair grows at a rate of .00000001 miles per
hour.
-American Psychiatric Association -Mahatma Gandhi is buried in California.
"Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Men -7% of Americans think Elvis is still alive..
tal Disorders, Third Edition", pages 41-45. -The Bible is the most shoplifted book in the
United States.
-Carolyn and Dwain Simpson -64% of Americans say they have confidence
"Coping With Emotional Disorders" pages in the U.S. Military; 19% say the same about
49-50. the Congress.
The Naked Ape Valle

The cafeteria food is a very questonable why are you doing that No, No come on
issue. The cafeteria is located on the second GEEZ!!" (walked away). And don't forget that
story of the Gym. There are a variety of dif you to can tell me what you like. Just come to
ferent kinds of cafeteria foods such as: en Mr. Pastores' class 1st period on A day and tell
chiladas, Won-tons, Fries ,Pepsi etc. They me! For more information about this article or
change their main course everyday. An ex anything related or close to the word cafeteria
ample is Spaggeti today, Meat the next. But contact me or fax me.(0h no, now back to the
the kinder kids get a different kind of lunch. article). Inbal likes the Rice Crispy
The kindergardeners eat a totally different treats(RCT) and the Arizona Ice tea but she
menu. They eat at 10:20. Well for example dislikes the tuna with the guacamole.
on Friday Sept. 9 they had pancakes, rice, The cafeteria has 4 employees. The cook
drink, and a desert, but they are not allowed that is in charge of the sandwiches is Laura .
to get chips, snacks or colas. The middle Haide is the main cook. She makes all the dif
schoolers eat lunch first. They get all that ferent kinds of foods. Irana is in charge of the
time to eat.They eat at 11:00 till 11:20. salads and also helps Haide when the going
Then at 11:20 till 11:50 the high shooters get gets tough. Last is Sandra, Sandra makes
to eat. Elementary gets to eat from 12:00 till lunches for the little kids. The cafeteria has a
12:30. Then they go to recess. Don Carlos variety of food everyday. There are nachos,
Barrera runs the cafeteria with his daughter steak sandwiches, Cora dogs, hot dogs, tacos, a
Carolina Barrera. They use many different wide variety of drinks and chips, ice cream,
kinds of ingredients to make their food. snacks, cookies, fruit and a special menu. The
They have a wide variety of Guatemalan menu has a special that is different every day.
food and American food." The Guatemalan That is about it. Carolina Barrera helps her dad
food is very delicious."according to Roberto run the cafeteria and use that money. She says
Castaiier. His favorite is the tortillas and en that "More people are buying from the cafeter
chiladas, but he sort of dislikes the fish ia than last year and about 98% of the new kids
plate special. Opinions of the cafeteria are are buying from the cafeteria rather than bring
different for many people. Here are a few food from home." The cafeteria is open from
examples. Jamie Brown (tenth grade) likes 7:30 to 3:15 and if anybody wants it open
the packaged foods that the cafeteria sells. longer come and talk with her. There are two
One anonymous person says that the food is ways to pay in the cafeteria. You can pay cash
WAY to expensive!!! Paul O'Sullivan likes or have credit. When you have credit you can
the Pepsi that the cafeteria so enevitably buy what ever you want and at the end of the
provides. The Great Miguel Turner's exact month they send the bill to your parents. When
words were " Nothing dude, No, No, No, you have a credit you get a personal credit
Well, uh(sigh) Oh, OK, Yea anything that, number.
yea keeps me alive(laughter), OK, OK, and The menu for the 1-3 graders is also partial
anything that doesn't make me ( Demented ly controlled. You see that the cafeteria
laughter)." Kyung's favorite food is the spa- provides a wide variety of international, not to
getti. As I interviewed her this was her word mention national, foods. So remember next
for word answer. "What..(pause)...What is time you eat at the cafeteria say thank you for
this for, No, Oh OK, Spagetti yea, The one not giving me food poisoning! Ta-Ta(Until
with the red sauce on top. Hey stop that, next time.)
Luisa Meyerman
"Bad, the special effects stink."
weather man need? Getting back to the point,
frT, . . t -Maria D. Barrem Billy plays a retired tornado chaser who de
1 wister is cool, but you have to see Inde
cides to move on to less risky and more pathet
pendence Day"
ic life, marrying a sex psychologist and becom
in* i ., -Alison Tsuji ing a weather man; it doesn't get much more
It was a horrible movie, all about the same pathetic than that. Does it?
thing, if you sit at the front, you'll go blind"
Following the protagonists is a big cast of
lfV , _. -InbalMazar stars who never really bloomed in Hollywood,
Yeah, and that cow thing? fLook there goes
except maybe as doubles or extras. They range
another one. No, I think it is the same one'
from a sweet aunt, to crazies, to competitive
HA HA HA HA HA!" tornado chasers.
-Jamie Brown Although I admire this movie, I must admit
ID4 is waaaay better... Hey, wait a minute
the story is as repetitive as the Energizer bun
isn t that the lady from Sine.. Home Impr....
ny, and I must also admit that Inbal "it was all
Fresh Pri... Oh, what's that show called about the same thing" Mazar might have a
again?"
point. Might, I repeat, my perfection is not de
„. -Michelle Wiater feated yet. Weil, it is easy to explain the movie
Mad About You, Michelle, Mad About in 60 seconds tops: Jo wants Billy back so they
You."
go out and chase tornadoes, and try to put in
-Christina Cowart them a machine that will detect the twister's in
"Yes"
tensity, body and location. Jo gets Billy back,
-Ben Baldizon they fail with the machine the first 3 times but
Well, summer heat began with the hot finally succeed the fourth. Not bad for a recent
freshman huh?
test movie of the year TWISTER. Yeah,
The special effects: Well how can you
everyone was talking about it's exciting plot,
the special effects and it's new yet not so criticize them, of course. They are all about the
fresh actors. Until, crushed by that evil alien same thing, what can you expect from a movie
movie, worshipped by most students in Co- who's title is as clear as Cindy Crawford's skin.
legio Maya, went down on it's ratings. Twister, Twister, Twister, there is not going to
be dinosaurs or aliens on bikes, it is about
Twister has a typical archetypal plot be
lieve it or not. (See Mr. Pastore, I did learn twisters, therefor the special effects are a series
of Twisters. There are flying cows, trucks,
something in your class) Jo is played by
Mad About You's Helen Hunt, a young tor houses which seemed quite realistic, that's as
good as it gets people.
nado chaser whom at a young age lost her
father to a Twister, and therefor is trying to The acting: Say what you want and I will
agree, it is cheap acting, or as I rather call it,
prevent it from happening to any one else.
over paid. Then again, what do you expect
Billy, who's real-life name I couldn't find
because he is a new actor, a freshman at the from a movie which was mostly special effect.
Could they afford Demni Moore to act as Jo , I
job, a bomb, a surprise to us all whom are
don't think so. Anyways, Mrs. Willis was too
used to watching Oscar nominees like Tom
busy talking her clothing off last summer.
Hanks or Al Paccino, well, unfortunately
Be Prepared: As you walk into the movie
"Billy" does not possess either the looks or
theater, or sit on your living room couch, you
the talent, but then again, what talent does a
mustn't forget the following recommendations.
1. Bring a bucket/paper bag, for that
spinning might overestimulate your diges
tive system.

2. Do not watch ID4 before or after you


watch Twister, it will stress your mind.

3. Watch the cholesterol in the butter


(popcorn) FACTS
4. Don't try anything they do at home. -Consumer Tip: October is traditionally the
cheapest month to buy a bicycle.
To all the readers who have not had the -The Gorillafs scientific name is, "Gorilla,
chance to amuse themselves with Twister, I gorilla, gorilla."
suggest you run to the nearest theater (if it is -Male seals don't eat during mating season
still playing) because it won't have the same (Too much on their minds).
effect on a TV screen. To thosewho would -How can you make a rubber band last long
criticize it endlessly, remember that movies er? Put it in a refrigerator.
were originally meant to entertain, not nec -One billion seconds is about 31.7 years.
essarily saturate with computerized magic -15% of U.S. women say they send flowers
and multiple plots. to themselves on Valentine's Day.

YOU MUST
-It would take about 14,000 years to read all
the books in the Library of Congress.
-Before 1850, most golf balls were stuffed

ADMIT with feathers.


-The housefly's tastebuds are in it's feet.
-Study results: Termites eat wood twice as
TWISTER IS fast when listening to heavy metal music.
-Arachibutyrophobia: The fear of having

FUN. peanut butter stuck to the roof of your mouth.


-In Switzerland, it's against the law to slam
your car door.
ON THE HOP -Before 1863, mail service in the U.S. was
free.
Continued from page 11...
-Salt is the only rock humans can eat.
The Colegio Maya girls1 Varsity Volley -Donald Duck's middle name is Fauntleroy.
ball Team (breathe) came in third place in -Literally translated, the word carnival
means, "flesh, farewell."
Copa Maya. Realistically, though, we tied
for second place with Christian Academy. -Poll results: 52% of Americans say they'd
The only reason we ended up with the bron "rather spend a week in jail" than be President
of the United States.
ze-colored metal was because we were cour
teous enough to play an un-planned, in- -England's Prince Charles won the Alfred E.
Neuman Look-Alike contest in 1992.
some-aspects-unfair game as a tie breaker.
Not that it was any less fair for CAG's team; -Q. Who founded the Kenwood stereo com
pany?
it was just under bad conditions.
A. A guy named Ken Wood.
So Colegio Americano came in first
-In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more
place in Copa Maya, and Christian Academy
in second. But, regardless of who won energy than all the world's nuclear weapons
combined.
what, volleyball has been a fun experience
for all of us.
THE CR0W: CITY ©F ANGELS
S0VNDTRACK
1. Hole: Gold Dust Woman
2. White Zombie: I'm Your Boogiman
3. Filter: Jurassitol
4. P.J Harvey: Naked Cousin
5. Bush: In a Lonely Place
6. Tricky vs. the Gravediggaz: Tonite is a Special night
7. Seven Mary Three: Shelf Life
8. Linda Perry featuring Grace Slick: Knock me out
9. Toadies: Paper Dress
10.N.Y. Loose: Spit
ll.Korn: Sean Olson
lZDeftones: Teething
13.1ggy Pop: I wanna be your dog
14 Pet: Little Boots
15. Above the Law featuring Frost: City of angels
One of this summers highly anticipated
movies is "The Crow: City of Angels". Along print above) with the likes of Hole and their hit
with the movie, the accompanying soundtrack is "gold dust woman", White Zombie, Filter,
also being awaited by many fans around the Bush, and even punk rocklegend Iggy Pop.
world, "The Crow: City of Angels" is the long J.O. Barr, the creator of "The Crow", has a
awaited sequel to the hit movie and instant cult certain reason for combining the type of music
classic "The Crow". The first movie came out with his creation the Crow. His comic creation
with a kicking soundtrack that had such artists in his words was, "more influenced by music
as Stone Temple Pilots,Rage Against than any other comics." This music was the en
The Machine, and ergy or the charge that kept O'Barr up and about
Pantera. Now, the when working through the pain when his fian
long overdue "City cee tragically died and
of angels" movie is working on the enduring
opening July twenty- writing process that took
ninth. The new movie O'Barr off and on around
and new soundtrack a decade to finally bring
| are hopefully going to in to print.(note, if you
live up to their expec haven't seen the first
tations. "The Crow: Crow ,the Crow rises
City of Angels" from the grave to avenge
soundtrack has the death of his fiancee,
headliners (in bold mere coincidence? I think not!!)
The music that is within the Crow sound- off that track, but as I said, just a teeny, tiny bit.
tracks has become a recognized style. For many, Also the second soundtrack has two rap songs
the music has reached out to them and they have which may be good for some people but really
declared themselves loyal crow fans (like me!).
Both movies and the music have a dark sense of
violence and pain. The crow "virus" has caught
people like a contagious cold and is spreading
like wildfire. Of course this "cold11 may have
passed people by and they just like the music, or IMflnm. »^IME *%
see the Hole song and say "wow I gotta get it!!"
The style and feel of the Crow are pulled
from many of today's and yesterdays rock/punk
cultures. For instance, O'Barr would listen end
lessly to Ian Curtis and Joy Division while con
juring ideas and writing the Crow. Other direct
influences are Peter Murphy and
Iggy Pop. They're especially seen in
the comic version. O'Barr states "I'd
seen Peter Murphy in Berlin; He had

seem like they don't belong.


Of course, that's just my lit
tle opinion. The first Crow
movie and soundtrack were
excellent and so is the sec
ond soundtrack. I can only hope the second
movie will be great. One conclusion is definite:
The Crow has opened a whole new alternative
world not reached by Hollywood and is a per
fect picture for today's grim society.

The Crow
those incredible cheekbones, and Iggy Pops Jovqdfrack* * * *5
body language and torso I used as well." Also,
The first one deserves four and a
not only is Iggy Pop in the sound track, he's
half stars for creativity integrity
also starring as the second villain: the wicked and great music.
Curve.
In my opinion, the first Crow soundtrack was e Crow City of Angeh
better, but only by a little teeny bit. The first Sovqdfrack: * * * *

Crow soundtrack had some big names that were The second one deserves 4 stars
really respected and really set the tone or the for integrity, carrying on the leg
dark atmosphere of the movie. The second end and great music.
soundtrack, although phenomenal, seems to veer
Yoar Hndy guide to movie rental places m Guatemala
Roberto Castaiier

About ten years ago, it was really popu get into the passion.
lar to go rent movies. That has been replaced
by computers and better cable. Computers
are bad for your eyes, and, with cable, you
can't really watch something you like for a 4ave.l 1-18, zone 14
long time; it's always changing channels and
watching everything in parts. -Membership costs Q50 for one year.
I honestly think that's pretty boring most -All movies cost Q15 for two nights.
of the time because I usually can't find any -It's a small place inside a house; friendly,
thing, so I go out and rent movies; I love it but odd.
because it gives me something to think
about other than girls, homework, and soc
cer.

Sometimes I rent a whole series of 11 calle 15-01, zone 13


movies and I watch them all. Something like
Star Trek one to seven can keep you enter
tained for a weekend. You can watch a mov -Membership costs Q51.40 for one year.
ie, take a snack break (in my case, cereal); -New releases cost Q 15.50 for one night
get some Frosted Flakes with lots of milk and commons cost Q 10.50 for two nights.
and go back to the TV to watch the sequel. -They open from 9:00am to 8:00pm.
You can spend a whole day sitting on your
couch and not even notice how much time
has passed and how much rest your body is
getting. When you're done, your mind is re 15ave. 6-01, zone 13, Centro Comercial
freshed to do your homework or daydream Century
your own movie, and your legs are refreshed
to play sports again; it's kind of like a medi
tation written by someone else's mind. -Membership costs Q50 for one year.
I feel that only a few people do this of -New releases cost Q15 for one night and
ten, and since I feel such passion for movies, commons cost Q10 for two nights.
it's my obligation to try to get you into them -They open from 10:00am to 9pm and to
too. So, here are some places rated with stars 8:00pm on Sundays.
to which you can go to get some movies and
11 ave. 18-40, zone 10 9 calle 6-64, zone 14, Edificio Verdever

-Membership costs Q50 for one year. -Membership costs Q50 for one year.
-New releases cost Q15 for one night -New releases cost Q15 for one night,
and commons cost Q10 for two nights. Q25 for two nights, and commons cost
-It is a pretty nice place inside and it is Q10 for two nights.
easy to find.

\AovT&S K
18calle 11-28, zone 10
15ave. 12-00, zone 13

-Membership costs Q22 for life.


-CDsforQ78.95
-New releases cost Q 16.50 for one night
-Newest movies, before they get to the
and commons cost Q10 for two nights.
theater
-They open from 9:00am to 8:00pm.
-New releases are Q10 for one night, Q15
for two nights, and commons cost Q10 for
2 calle 21-66, zone 15 two nights.
-They rent video games and it's also nice
and pretty inside.

-Free membership
-New releases cost Q15 for one night,
Q25 for two nights, and commons cost 363-3834
Q10 for two nights.
-They open from 9:00am to 8:00pm.

-Free membership
-You call and they bring it to you.
Boulevard Los Proceres 26-55, zone 10, -You get a list of new releases sent to your
local cuatro (Fun Plaza) house every month.

I hope you can use this information; I


would, and I hope you like your movie. I also
-Membership costs Q50 for one year.
want to tell you that most of these places, un
-New releases cost Q15 for one night,
like in the US, don't have very good old
Q25 for two nights, commons cost Q10
movies, so give priority to the price of the new
for two nights, and old movies cost Q5
releases. I don't tell you how much it costs if
for two nights.
you bring it in late because I trust you, I don't
-They open from 9:00am to 9:00pm and
think you would do that, so don't prove me
from 10:00am to 7:00pm on Sundays.
wrong, OK? If you would like to know how to
-It's nice and they sell beverages and
get to these places by word and not just an ad
chocolate bars.
dress, ask me.
Who are tHE 8+oite
TEIJIPLE PiLO+8? Sebastian

Scott Weiland: Vocals Robert turned to Weiland and said, "That guy's
Robert DeLeo: Bass loud." After Kretz joined the band, the boys
Dean DeLeo: Guitars began to search for a guitarist, but they were
Eric Kretz: Drums having no luck landing a player who fit their
needs.
The Stone Temple Pilots have been "Robert had always told me, 'We should
flying the skies of the music industry since try and talk my brother into coming out from
their formation in San Diego in 1988. The New Jersey,' but Dean had a real cynical view
group's original members, bassist Robert of California," Weiland recalls. Finally Dean
DeLeo and vocalist Weiland, first met at a was convinced to come out to Long Beach to
Black Flag concert in Long Beach, CA play on a demo session with the band.
where they were n He decided to
both living at the stay, moving to
time. "It was one San Diego with
of those weird his new girl
things," explains friend. The
Weiland, "You group, in turn,
get into a heavy felt that San Die
discussion with a go would pro
total stranger, vide a much
and you discover more conducive
that both of you musical environ
are seeing the same girl." ment than Los Angeles, and they decided to do
When their mutual girlfriend moved to most of their live work there.
Texas, Robert and Weiland seized the op After a short period of garage rehearsals
portunity and moved into her apartment. the group set about securing any support slots
"Robert had an eight-track, and we would that were begging on the local live circuit.
record these sick, tweaked, multi-layered With a background of influence taking in
jingle/ commercial things, like 'Dr. Lymph classic acts like Led Zeppelin, Queen, and
Node's Duck Butter Brand Butt Wax,'" Wei Kiss, Stone Temple Pilots are perfecting a
land recalls. Even though Weiland's roots sound of their own, in their albums, " Core",
lay in the punk/post-punk genre, and Robert "Purple", and their latest, "Tiny Music from
came from New Jersey and more of a hard- the Vatican Giftshop", taking the best of sev
rock/Led Zepplin/Black Sabbath back enties hard rock and bringing it into the nine
ground, they discovered a common artistic ties.
ground and decided to form a band.
After seeing Eric Kretz play in a small
Long Beach club, where his atomic skin- (Note: Due to the inresponsbility of the au
bashing overpowered the rest of the group, thor, the sources could not be quoted)
tfrc&hpcople State '96
Name DOB Nationality Favorite Favorite Favorite Favorite Favorite Favorite
Last. First
Music Actor Movie Activity Color Class
Byun, Eun Ji 3/26/81 Korean TLC Brad ID4 piano blue Self
Alanis Pitt Study
Morrisett
IC'hiing, Susnnn 7/5/81 Korean Smashing Sandra The Piano 1 Blue Sell"
Pumpkins Bulock Craft Sludv
Chicas, Mario 6/28/96 USA P.U.S.A. Tom ID4 Collecting Black Self "1
Hanks stuff Studv
1 Choc k.Z u leira 2/24/81 Panama Nirvana!! Sehi Millers Volleyball Black I Art 1
List
Cool en, Marianel 12\25\8 Dutch Anything Gone Volleyball Blue Art
with the
Wind
iCimninoham. Paige 1 3/30/81 1 American I I 1 ■ ■■.: 1 Reading1',.. 1 Purple.. 1 Geometry
|FaniuI,Esteban 3/12/81 1 Guatemalan |ID4 1 Soccer Black 1 English 1
II oilman. Alex 8/16/83 Dutch Alternative. Brad Forest \: Soccer Cireeh f■'",; English 7-J
Pitt. , Gump ':
Franklin, Magnus 9/9/82 Swedish The Beatles Peter The Guitar Pink P.E.
Seller Commit
-ments
l(ion/ales. Karherine 1/12/82 I ISA- ... ,. ('lirisiuin ^ 'Tom The Roofs, Track ;; . Aqua ,f: Spanish,;;;!
Hanfc. ■' . '-j-jiiKv'1

Kan, Mi Jin 7/9/82 Korean Smashing 1 ID4 Sleeping Black & Self 1
*
Pumpkins | White Studv
Kim. Alison 6/10/82 Korean ■!:' B(n z 2 '■ Keanu Speed " ." Piano ■'■'* Brow'n.V
Men '■ ■" ■ ■ Reeves- ..■- ■■'' .-*■' .
Kim, Michael 7/20/81 Korean TaeJi Slam Basketball Black Mr.
and Boys Dunk Pastore's
■ ■ ■ •■■■■-.■
class
Koch. Maria .../'■ -i ■-Q/20/82 American Apollo kV- Sports:>-- -•• •All,:■•■;-V -v Theater 1
■Rvan A.isr ;vl
Lee, Stephin 7/16/81 Korean 2Pac, Keanu ID4 Guitar Blue Self 1
Snoop Reeves Study
| Me jia. Carolina I 10/4/96 Columbian Alternative ID4 Soccer Green
Mercado, Ana 12/11/81 Dominican Smashing Jim ID4 Basketball Turquoise Theater
Pumpkins Carrev Arts
l:>ark. Hoc Jung 12/1 I/SI Korean Keanu IW Brown An 1
Reeves
l

Park, Su Han 12/16/83 Korean 42, Focus Pamela ID4 VolleybaU Blue English
Anderson (not!)
Raskosky. Mariana 6/16/82 Niearaguan Alternative Bruce Empire Soccer Blue English 1
Willis Records
Rhodes, Maggie 8/30/82 American Beatles Denzel Singing Basketball Dark English
Washing in the Rain Green
ton
Roney. Matthew | 12/15/831 USA | RHM | Ed Harris! ID4 I Comics 1 Red I Enslish 1
Spruijit, Reinier 11/19/83 American, Volleyball 1 Green 1
Dutch
"Desword". Sebastian 10/23/83 USA Focus. STFJ Richard Vanilla Ice Guitar Blue Self 1
Nixon the movie Sludv 1
Swartz, Kevin 3/4/82 USA Alternative] Willy UNO Skateboar-j Dark Self 1
Punk 1 Santos dinp Rlue Studv
Turner. Miguel -'j^. 3/4/82 I ISA Robin ID4 Compu- Dark 1
Williams terins Green
Valle, Giancarlo 02/26/83 [USA Cake, Chris Wayne's Skateboar-| Green Spanish
Sublime Farley World ding
Yoo. Pat 4/11/81 Korean Dave Nie Rock Basketball Dark 1
M;i!he\vs Blue 1
Band
Luisa Meyerman

Si el Norte Fuera El Sur ("If North to be written, that which keeps me alive. The
Was South") has ridden a controversial one that's always ahead, the one that is yet to
wave of unease among the Latin American be lived and done. To those, who might be of
countries sponsoring this album. Written and fended or annoyed by my creation, with all
sung by the Guatemalan author Ricardo Ar- your respect, I really don't care,for what is
jona, Si el Norte Fuera el Sur has a ser done is done and it takes dedication."
ies of controversial songs. -Ricardo Arjona.
The author's introduction to the album
goes something like this: 1. Noticiero "Newscast''(Written in LA
"This album has Caribbean influence, Califoraia)Is a mocking of the morning news
were I escaped from the established. It tastes cast in Latin America, the usual bad news, and
like tequila, wine andresaca. Contains love pessimistic commentaries.
that dies. It has a crazy compass.lt smells 2. Tu Reputation "Your Reputation"
like tobacco. It has stories, tales, dreams. It (Written in South America, August 1995)Is
is hungry to escape, it wants to leave it among the most controversial songs in this al
wants to stay. It has a lot about me, maybe a bum. The author falls in love with a not so pu
little of you. You, who love. You,who feel. ritan young woman, and although her reputa
You, who annoy. You,who ruin. You, the tion has been spread all around town, she falls
leader.You, the follower. It speaks of love, it in love and changes completely.
makes the News, it forgets, it remains lov 3. Ella y El "Him and tfer"(Written in
ing. Which one is my favorite? The one yet Mexico, November 1995)Is a love story invol-
ving a Cuban and American. It is based in bum, for it expresses many positive things a
the idea that opposites attract, and despite woman can represent to a man .
the cultural differences and bad relationship 14. Mexico (Written in Mexico 1992)
between their countries, the couple still Although a proud Guatemalan,the author suc
manages to love each other. ceeded in his career after moving to Mexico,so
4. Se Nos Muere el Amor "Our it is more like a thankful song, towards this
Love Dies11 (Written in Puerto Rico Novem country and it's people.
ber 1995)As simple as the title, a story about
how love dies in a couple.
5. Si el Norte Fuera el Sur "IfNorth
was South "(Written in Puerto Rico, April
1995) Is probably the most controversial
song in this album. It is about what the
world would be like if North was South. It is
a mocking of the United States, it's people
and it's government.
6. Aun Te A mo 7 Still Love You11
(Written in Mexico) Is a letter to one of the
"I could care less about censure" says Ri
author's past loves, he describes his misery,
cardo Arjona in a recent interview with a Gua
since the day she left.
temalan newspaper. After airing his new al
7. Abarroteria de Amor "Love Su
bum, he is constantly criticized by the media,
permarket" (Written in Mexico, California
but the proud Guatemalan singer\author could
and Guatemala Between 1988 and
care less, for his goal is to get his message
1996)Tells the clients' feelings and lessons
through in every song he writes.
learned in a brothel.
"I don't understand why peopleget so sur
8. Duerme "Sleep"(Written in Puerto
prised with the song Si el Norte Fuera El Sur,
Vallarta, October 1995)The author watches
don't see what's so wrong in criticizing the
his lover sleep, and describes his emotions
American government, when they see usas a
and feelings towards her.
town made of clay and dust; I guess there is
9. Te Acuerdas De Mi "Do you Still
people who think of themselves as semi-gods,
Remember Me" (Written in Dallas Texas)
and the only one who can judge us is God
Similar to "I Still Love You",he tells her
himself." Regarding censure,the proudly Gua
how much he misses her and loves her still.
temalan author says that he could care less,for
10. Cita en el Bar "Date in a Bar"
he knows his career will not be damaged
(Written in Guatemala 1987) Tells how the
dramatically,and as long as he can sing his
author falls in love with a girl he picked up
songs publicly, he doesn't care about what peo
at a bar, who later turns out to be a prosti
ple say.
tute.
Clear, precise and concise,that is Arjona. A
11. Me Ensenaste "You Taught Me"
man who speaks of things as they are,through
(Written around central America, from 1993
his songs. A man who speaks little of his pri
to 1996)My personal favorite, Ricardo Arjo-
vate life because if he spoke of it, it would no
na writes about the many things his lover
longer be private. "I don't hide it, I just protect
taught him,and stresses that the only thing
it." he says.
she didn't teach him,was how to forget her.
Marriage... Arjona doesn't believe in it,
12. Frente al Televisor "In front of
which does not mean he has anything against it
the Television "(Written in the Dominican
except, he believes in love and liberty and that
Republic 1995)Is very unusual. It tells the
sometime marriage will soon disappear.
story of a girl who left the author to become
To conclude his interview with Prensa Li
a model, so he watches TV day and night to
bre, Ricardo Arjona stated that there is no for
see her at least one last time.
mula to write, but it is a process of healing and
13. Tu "You" (Written in Mexico
freedom that awakes at any moment.
1995)Is probably the sweetest song in the al
ophomcric
Masteries Jamie Brown
This is the first of a series of short mys relatives to whom distribute his wealth - that
teries I plan on writing throughout the year. is, until we found this letter.
All the information you need to know in or "It is to Mr. Steinmann from his recent
der to solve the mysteries will always be in bride, a German violinist back in Berlin. In the
cluded in the story - no tricks. See if you letter were plans for her to join Mr. Steinmann
can solve this one: here in London last Wednesday, the day after
her husband's death."
"Did she show?" asked Dr. Bullroak. She
seemed only remotely interested.
"Now comes the interesting part," Dr.
Jeamings cut in, eager to please his colleague.
"Since she is his only living relative, she has
the right to all his inheritance-"
"Which could call some public attention,"
"An interesting situation," noted Detec Bullroak added.
tive Jeamings.
"Yes," agreed the inspector. "And he "Precisely," the inspector continued. "You
doesn't have any other living relatives that see, yesterday a young, frail blonde woman
we know of, nor did he leave a will or any showed up claiming to be Steinmann's wife
other such document" newly arrived from Germany. She had all the
There was a knock at the door. The dis right information and papers to prove her au
tinguished young detective got up from his thenticity. We were all set to entrust the inher
seat. Dr. Jeamings opened the door to Dr. itance to her when along comes an older,
Bullroak, the colleague of the former. slightly heavyset woman also claiming to be
"What news?" asked Detective Bullroak. Steinmann's bride, with all the same qualifica
The reply came from the inspector. "We tions as the first.
have a case involving the death of a Mr. Jon "Upon my interview with the ladies I could
Steinmann of Germany. He moved to Eng find no flaws in either of the suspects1 stories.
land shortly before his death, which was That's when I called Jeamings."
sudden and of natural causes. It had been Detective Bullroak turned to her colleague,
assumed after his death that he had no living "Have you spoken with them?"
"That was my next intention," learnings

♦♦♦
answered. "Would you care to accompany
me to the suspects' hotel this afternoon?"
"Of course," she replied.

♦#♦The two colleagues arrived at the inn


shortly after three o'clock. Entering the lob
Now, the question is: Which suspect was
Jeamings addressing? I COULD not tell you,
and give the answer in the next edition of The
Pulse; but I figure two months is a long time to
wait for anyone who didn't get it already. So
I'll just put it in very big print below:
by they saw two ladies rising to meet them.
They fit the inspector's description perfectly.
"Good afternoon," greeted Dr. learnings. It was the blonde.
He approached the older Ms. Steinmann and
shook her hand. He winced as her ring dug The older one only
into his skin. A quick glance at the younger
Ms. Steinmann revealed the many rings she wore the wedding ring,
herself wore, and better judgment told learn
ings to give a bow rather than a handshake and since it was the
this time. He introduced himself and Dr.
Bullroak before they all sat down for the in one that dug into the
terview.
Addressing the young blonde, Detective detective's hand when
Bullroak said, "Would you mind quickly de
monstrating your musical skill?" She hand they shook, it was on
ed the violin she'd prepared for the interview
to the blonde, who set it up with cool con her right hand. The
fidence.
She played very professionally. The de blonde's wedding ring
tectives noted the many rings she wore on
both hands; the wedding ring on the left, was on the left. If she
among several others. Once she'd finished
playing she gave a pleasant smile and hand had researched a little
ed the instrument back to its owner.
The older woman meanwhile sat glower better before hand she^
ing at the blonde. As it was now her turn to
prove her talent, she took the violin rather would have known that
roughly and began to play the same piece as
the first. Both women played flawlessly. it is German tradition
However, unlike the first, the older Ms.
Steinmann only wore one ring: the wedding to wear the wedding
ring that had pressed into Dr. Jeamings
hand, he remembered. ring on the right hand.
A knowing glance passed between the
detectives. "Ma'am," addressed Dr. Jeam That's what gave her
ings, "you are a very jealous woman. I think
you owe Ms. Steinmann an apology." away.
esmntng
Eternal
Kyung Ro

The spiritual world is a mysterious un spirits. The middle age steps are devoted to
known dimension that always triggers the work and worries about children. However, it
interest of humans. Since ancient civiliza is old age that has the greatest influence of
tion, people developed the customs of hon thought about death. Always fearing to be a
oring their ancestors and spirits, the mighty burden, or either drained of strength; those
Gods, and believing in mystics. The fear of lonely, peaceful times that allows the space to
death and the life after is the most signifi think about what lay ahead. They do not know,
cant issue of almost any religion. Following and that becomes the seed of fear. Fear grows,
the passage of time, a person increasingly layer upon layers, planting the seed in the
ponder upon their meaning of life, first in heart, deeply, to hide it from others and ignore
mere curiosity then slowly growing in fear. its existence. Then they would unconsciously
Many struggle in search of truth and their water it with anguish and shine it repeatedly
given destiny. They yearn for even the with interminable worries. The seed grows into
slightest glimpse of the future, groping for a plant, an individual life form, so powerful
any passage through their darkness. Of and blossoming that it can't be destroyed.
course we teenagers haven't yet reached that For some it is fear that becomes the funda
point of desperation... or have we? mental basis of our human society. Almost
Stop any person on the road and ask if everything is cause by fear (usually the bad
they ever think seriously of their life. They things, or either bad things with an eventual
would all probably look down with a queer happy ending ... or good things that gets
expression and a twist of their mouth. You'd spoiled, turning out as the worst). No matter
feel like a weirdo. Ah, but don't we all ab how physically powerful, wealthy, nor with
ruptly pause once in a while and over the great control, all human beings tend to have
path we are walking on? It is our nature to different sets of fears deep down. It would be
be curious. We can not look ahead at out fu to keep heaping sand over it, but will always
ture, though many people have attempted to. rise up again. So then they desperately rake for
They can only predict and theorize. Some hopes and peace in their mind. They abhor the
throw their own beliefs and reason into other feeling of smallness and powerless against the
people's laps and force them to be equal as evil. Now comes the beginning of the develop
they are. An awful way to seduce somebody. ment of their own personal beliefs and reason
At this youthful age, the time seems like ing; for something to cling onto that will reas
eternity and is full of energy and sparkling sure them. People start speaking out their mind
in public, sharing it with others, then comes myself). There are also other various ways of
the agreements of the clashes between dif supposedly achieving contact with the spirits;
ferent notions. Ideas join and form groups, such of games, reunions, or ceremonies of
the groups grow and becomes grand organi those sort.
zations called religions, each religion states Is it true? Who know! Or maybe there are
different religious beliefs with distinct gods spirits in the world, but have absolutely no re
and customs. Nevertheless, it is believed by lation with living humans. They could be exist
some that all the religions have originated ing in a distant space where no one can reach
from the same root. They have many similar or find. Either maybe when we die, we first
aspect within their faith. People either turn into spirits, fly over to a distant planet,
choose to have a specific religion, or simply and are reborn as aliens! I wonder if any of
believe in nothing at all, or in other hand those Martians are my relatives ... They may
turn toward magic, superstition, and philoso be controlling our mind and bring different for
phy. tunes for different individuals.
There are numerous theories upon the We are aware of those groups that are
subject of life after death. Buddhism claims pointed to "be chosen." The preachers, fortune
that when a person dies, his soul is judged tellers, prophets, miracle-makers and many
with the deeds he has done during his life more; all supposedly having the special superi
time, and is either reborn into a human or an or power than normal person. There are psy
animal. Christianity say that after death, chics or even astronomers that predict the fu
again based on the course of life he had tak ture, some seeming to be true. A strike of luck?
en, a person is sent to the Paradise or either There is also the theory that spirits are respon
left on earth waiting for the Judgment Day. sible for bringing good luck to a person or eith
Some claim that the spirits enter the body of er strike down those who dishonor them. The
a living human in shame for his sins that can believers hold great importance in keeping the
be known by other spirits. Another theory is spirits content, holding rituals and ceremonies
that there is nothing after death. This period with gift and foods. For they believe that if by
of life when we walk around the earth is the any chance the spirits are angered, the whole
whole, and death is simply the end of life. family or community could be destroyed and
There is no such unknown world after. bring bad lucks. Family members can get ill
Does spirits truly exist? or are they and suffer, and even die.
simply "fakes." Then what is the explanation We are mortals. We do not have the mighty
for all the phenomenon that occur around powers of the God nor the awesome immortal.
our society? What could possibly explain There have been many attempts to search for
those occurrences that go against the logic eternal youth and the making of certain sub
of nature? Many refuse to believe these hap stances to give beauty and continuous life. All
penings, simply judging them as tricks. If it are a failure. People must accept the fact that
was so, then why are there so many and so death will fall upon us with no exception, but
similar, and why couldn't anybody really only at distinct times. Some die in sickness,
prove them wrong? No matter how complete some in accidents, some of natural death, some
and detailed the clarification, none of them are murdered, and some meet their end in sui
are able to fully crush down the doubts. cide. It is a maddening concept to be laid upon
Do you want to test your depth of be us, something that we would gladly refuse if
lief? If you do believe in spirits, then try this we had the choice ... or either accept with ea
method that I learned from a friend. Put a gerness.

glass of pure mineral water in front of you All humans live in this word with different
and concentrate on it. Pray to yourself or backgrounds, distinct features, different intel
call on the good spirits. If you truly trust in ligence and talents, and personalities. Whatev
what you are doing and are totally serious er each individual believes on, it is important
about it, then youTi suddenly see bubbles for each to live their life to the fullest extent.
forming in the water as though it was a soda They must live according to their reasoning.
... or says my friend (though I never tried it Never Fear.
l^ubcn
Kcro, Mv|
Anonymous

"Margarita"... I remember the first time childhood, and he later chose the pseudonym
I read that name in a story book. It was then Ruben Dario from his father's nickname. In
and forever after has been the most beautiful 1886 the modernist poet left Nicaragua to trav
poem I've ever read; it was the beginning of el around the world. With his exquisite writing
my inspiration. skills and inspiration, Dario published his first
major work " AzuV\ which marked the begin
Margarita esta linda la mar? ning of modernism. Dario later became a cor
y elyiento lleva esencia sutil de azahar; respondent for a Buenos Aires newspaper in
yo siento en mi alma una alondra cantar; Europe. In 1914 he published his most cher
tu acento... ished work, "Songs of Life and Hope".
He died poor and ill in Nicaragua on Feb. 6
I was nine years old, and on a Friday af 1916. After learning of his painful, unreward
ternoon my mom came home at the usual ing life I was inspired by him once again and
time, in her arms a box. She called me wrote this poem.
downstairs and we opened it, and in it were
four books of stories and poems. Together,
we read a few, until she stopped and read Tanta pasion tuviste Padre
out loud a long poem about a young princess —al elegir tu arte.
who wants to reach the stars, but her father Tu mente fue tu iglesia,
doesn't let her. When finished reading it, my tu pluma tu biblia.
mother said "When I was your age I loved Pero de que sirve ahora tu grandeza
this poem, but unfortunately never found the Si en vida,
right time to memorize it". On the following no hubo mas que decepcion y pobreza.
day, at around the same time, I could recite De que sirven mis lamentos por tu muerte.
the poem by memory. From that day on Heroe, Dios ausente.
there has been a bond with the author, my Que me queda mas que tu experiencia
hero, Ruben Dario. mas que esta amarga ausencia.
Bora in Metapa, Nicaragua, Felix Ru Oh, padre de mis suenos9
ben Garcia Sarmientos became a poet at age de mi dolor de mi complejo
14. His works were inspired by his painful Con tus himnos guia mi sendero.
MARGARITA
)ourn*\$ from CUss
Ben Baldizon

Every day, Mrs. Smith made each of her inside, I knew they were after his armhair and
classes write journals for ten to twenty nails which they would sacrifice to their wom
minutes at the beginning of class. The top en, ferocious creatures from the nether world.
ics of these journals range from the incred The kid needed help, he was trapped in this
ibly bizarre, like a tale about usual objects room with no way out. But Wait! Here I was!
with unusual uses or a story about a clock, a Kabuki picked me up and I used my fantastic
stapler, and an eraser, to the more personal, metamorphosing abilities to change into a
like peoples reactions to certain events. Put handy window smasher. KA POWW! The
together here for the first (and probably the window was history. Kabuki now faced a new
last) time is a collection of several of these problem. He looked out the window two sto
journals from young, hopeful, (deluded) au ries down. Unlike the bad guys in most
thors. movies Kabuki could never survive a drop

But Wait! from here. But Wait! Here I was!!!! Once


again I made the Power Rangers look like ama
By: Kevin Baldizon teurs with my morphing ability. I became a
parachute which gracefully let Kabuki float
I sat there. A lonely trash bucket, on the down...
floor of the second story of a high school ...into the rapids of the Silvus River below.
building under the white board. My beauti Now he was in a pickle. He could never stay
ful aqua-marine coat of paint reflecting off afloat in these rapids. But Wait! Here I was!
light from the electrically charged neon Morph'en TIME! I became a boat that made
above. The room enjoyed a lovely view of the SS Minnow pale in comparison. Kabuki
the forest nearby through its two meter had found safety again. Together we sailed
windows, opposite of me. The hypnotic down the tropical banks of the Silvus river,
rush of the powerful Silvus River that ran dodging BOok-o-bite ambushes with my super
right next to the school could be heard steering abilities, down to Kabuki's house.
throughout the room. It was good to be a He got out only to find his twin bearing
trash bucket that day. down on him with a dung loaded slingshot.
All of a sudden my invisible, but ex What would he do now? But Wait! Here I
tremely sensitive, soungongs picked up the was! Melding my powers to Kabuki's I be
sound of a commotion outside the room. came a super powerful body shield, able to re
The noise seemed to be coming closer and pel any dung blast. Kabuki's twin expended
closer. Suddenly, a young high school stud his ammo and then we struck. I morphed into
ent crashed through the door of the room. I a Twin-Tower. POW! BAM! KAZAM! Ka
saw him out of my peripheral vision, for the buki's twin went flying to who-knows-where (a
door was on the same wall as me. He had land bordering the nether world). Kabuki was
short brown hair, a pretty decent face and an safe.
incredibly panicked look. I had seen him of Well, Kevin, this is an amazing
ten around the school and knew he went by story you got here, especially consid
the name of Kabuki. Through the open door ering the measly amount of time we
I could hear the chants of a large multitude. had to write these things. Now we will
"Armhair and nails, armhair and nails," move on to another creative story
chanted the crowd. My incredibly compact, about urn, little purple sandcastle shoe-
but extremely powerful central processing beans, by Jeff Brown.
unit immediately realized that those were the Are you bored? Sick of school? Sick of
chants of the dreaded BOok-o-bites and they home? Sick of the same dang routine every
were after the young man. Somehow, deep day? Well, let's pretend you are. So how can
we fix that? A change!! Come with me and thought he might tell me another one
let's journey to a far-off world, a completely of these stories and Ifm not sure I can
different, weird world, where you just handle two of those in on year.
couldn't get bored. Let us become Coming up next are two really
=little purple sandcastle shoe-beans= weird, anonymous stories with the
same motivating idea but just about
You get up from your sandy bed. Your nothing in common. The incredible to
name is Indiana Garbanzo Jones. Your life= pic of these tales is: A story with a
to rescue distressed lady-beans, to battle the clock, a stapler, and an eraser.
forces of evil, and to speak in a deep, ma The clock goes tock. Tick, tock.
cho-bean voice (it is beyond the power of a The clock annoys the rock. Rock, rock.
bean to look tough, so you must settle for an The stapler goes click. Clack, click.
intimidating voice). The stapler and the rock, going click-tock,
After brushing you face and watering they annoy the rock.
yourself, you hop out the door, looking for I'm writing on a board. Are you - board?
adventure. You can't remember why you Bored, board, the rock got bored.
are in this strange labyrinth of dark, sandy The clock ticks off the rock. The rock
tunnels because evolution has not bestowed picks up the clock. "Click!"
you race with long-term memory. So you He throws it at the stapler, and the clock
wander through the tunnels, aimlessly gets gored. Stapled to the board. Then the
searching for a dastardly deed-doer to pick a board, roared.
fight with. You come around a dark corner The board want help. Help from kelp?
and find... No. Help from felt? The eraser is felt! He
Nothing. So you hop through the tun hears the board yelp, and he comes to help.
nels, peeking in here and there at different Wipe, wipe. No more poem.
rooms. Suddenly, you find one that has — Now we have a completely different
Nothing. So you yell, "Hey! Is anybody approach to this story by another brave
here? Or am I the only stupid purple bean senior.
around?" The young stapler sat on the floor. He had
It echoes through the castle, and then fallen from his perch on the old oak and was
you hear a response, very faint, in the dis now up to his head in grass, smelling the odors
tance: "Do you play the flute?" some cow's ex-meal through his acme stapler
"Uh, why no," you reply. nose. The poor soul was all alone; not another
"Cool. I don't either. Want to start a soul in sight. "Clipitty, clipitty, clipitty," went
nonband?" the stapler, trying to get someone's attention
"Okay." So you both eventually find through Morse code. He needed help to get
each other, and your new-found friend hands back into the tree. All of a sudden there was a
you a flute. You're not sure what to do with whooshing noise and out of the sky popped a
it, so you start to drum on your protein-filled white board eraser! His sleek wood body, hov
stomach. The other guy clicks two harmoni ering in the air, reflected the sunlight, making
cas together. him look very majestic. "I heard your
Through the abandoned halls of the cas "clipitty" and came to your rescue," said the
tle of sand, the echoes of two grooving eraser. "You may call me Tryk." The stapler
beans are all the nonexistent audience hears. went, "Clipitty." "Ah," said Tryk, "your name
Then the little boy, that built the castle is Clipitty. Well, it's great to meet ya. Hop
on his foot, gets up and leaves, you two on!" So Clipitty hopped on to Tryk and off
beans are buried in the sand and three days they went. "Where to?" yelled Tryk over the
later are rolled away. noise of the wind. But all Clipitty said was,
So you see, you don't have it all that bad. "Clipitty." "I know! I'll take you to the Count
Now that is one truly bizarre Clock," said Tryk. "We'll travel back in time
credit and I felt inclined to ask Jeff to find out why you need help." So they flew
where he got the idea from but then I over mountains and through valleys, under
oceans, skimmed over vast forests until they voked.
came to a giant old Grandfather Clock., On the other side of the planets existed the
Count Clock. "What do you want this time, Rianokees, a union of green and yellow ants
Tryk," boomed Count Clock. "Hey old bud that came together under the leadership of the
dy. What's up," said Tryk, his voice incred great Mohatta, a mysterious that manifested its
ibly small sounding compared to the desires to the Chiefs of both tribes. The great
Count's. "Mind if we do some time travel Mohatta appeared to the green chief, Rish-
ing?" Counts deep laugh filled the sky. kuanta, in the form of a giant head, yet the yel
"Ah, Tryk, fro you, anything," roared the gi low chief, Jokana, only saw him as a dense
ant clock. Tryk then began to fly full speed mist that came in at night. However, at the ar
towards the center of the counts face, where rival of Mihatta, the formerly dilapidated lands
the hands met. had become prosperous and the brightness that
Now Clipitty had been watching all this once kissed the temples had returned after one
with fascination. This giant old entity, prob thousand years of absence.
ably immortal, was friends with the simple One day, for reasons still unknown, Mohat
white board eraser and now the insignificant ta ordered a meeting with both tribe chiefs.
eraser was charging the immortal. There The two ants entered the sacred woods, coming
was a flash of light, all Clipitty's senses went out two days later with orders to build a
awry, up become down, not p equaled q. strange series of networks to jump over the
Bang! Reality was restored, sort of. A huge strange purple miasma that isolated the small
fire breathing dragon (it was breathing fire peninsula on which both tribes lived in.
at the moment) was flying straight at the Jokana and Rishkuanta also gave orders to
eraser and stapler. Not missing a beat, Tryk polish the armors that were left to rot two
swerved around the ferocious behemoth. hundred years ago when the war between the
Within Clipitty a feeling of dread was nations terminated. As the bravest warriors
overpowered by a sense of fighting. Staples were selected, the networks of transports were
began flying out of Clipitty's super staple terminated with the devine powers of Mohatta.
shooter. The dragon went down in a barrage As the gray moons shone, the great warriors
of staples. readied their shiny mandibles to go face the
"Nice shooting," said Tryk. "I think we blue Hawkneists, a tribe they only knew about
went back a little to far. Hey Count! Get from the legends told by the ancient books.
with it." A loud "OOPS" reverberated in the The leader of the green ants was Kaikashi-
sky. Bang, smack, pow. va, a young warrior famed for her bravery and
They were at the old, old oak. Tryk was her strength. She was exited to test her skills
going too fast and crashed into the tree apd against the tribe of dark legends. The Hawk
Clipitty went flying, landing on a branch of neiests were known to attack tribes of invaders
the tree. The blow was so hard that he got as soon as they entered their territory so the
amnesia. All of a sudden, clipitty fell to the ants, especially Kaikashiva, were prepared to
ground. The smells of a cow's ex-meal face the tribe.
filled his acme stapler nose. "Clipitty, clipit However, when they arrived at the island
ty, clipitty," went the stapler... where the Hawkneiests lived, nothing hap
Now we shall hear an equally bi pened. It was all peaceful. The villages were
zarre story with a different topic empty, no trace of any living being was ever
from Tomas Lin. Following is a detected.
story about ant warriors. The warriors decided to eat in the small vil
In a dark corner within the jungles of a lage and see what Mohatta ordered them to do.
blue planet in a three star system existed the On the first nights, nothing happened. Howev
legend of the tribe of the Hawkneiests. The er, when the sun came down on the eleventh
Hawkneiests were a tribe of highly intelli night, a strange howl crept through the woods.
gent blue ants. Although they were normal All the warriors prepared for battle: the face
ly pacific, the Hawkneiests had a reputation paint came on, the mandibles were ready, each
of being very fierce warriors when pro leg was stretched, the armors made of wax
were placed on the warriors. They sat in cir riding in the passenger seat and I was driving.
cles, waiting for the enemy. We were following my mom and my dad to a
Suddenly, a blue light appeared in the friends house.
dark sky. More and more appeared on the While driving on the right lane a bus sud
trees on top of the village. A voice denly stopped right in front of me (of course I
screamed, "Leave this land or face the dark am being sarcastic when I say this is not a ster
Hawkneiests!" A few of the warriors began eotypical situation of what bus drivers do in
to feel fear, but their code forbade them Guatemala). I felt like I had no choice but to
from leaving battle. The blue lights de swerve and continue my forward momentum in
scended from the clouds; they were the the left lane. Little did I know, and rather abs
Hawkneiests, twice the size of normal ants ent mindedly, that there was a speeding white
and with eyes burning hotter than the stars. car advancing rapidly in the left lane behind
Kaikashiva let out her scream of fury me. It was only a matter of seconds afterward
and bit off the leg of the blue warrior closest that I heard the loud screeching noise behind
to her. The other ants began to fight as well. me of tires skidding g to a sudden stop. I then
Body parts began flying everywhere, the la looked up into the rearview mirror and saw a
ments of the wounded began to blend with white car facing sideways a few feet from my
the screams of the battle, blue, yellow, and car. Suddenly I became very scared as well as
green blended into a chaotic rainbow. shocked. Primarily because I had almost had
The blue ants were obviously superior an accident and secondly because I was sure I
and the warriors began falling one by one. had made some one very angry.
Kaikashiva was the last to go. The last thing I then drove off, attempting to catch up
she could remember was the bright yellow with my parents again and hoping that they
eye of a blue ant staring at her, sucking out would turn off soon. Unfortunately, and might
her spirit. I add unluckily, we continued on a direct
When she woke up, Kaikashiva saw that course. The car which had almost crashed into
her arms were blue, she had become a blue me, along with it's angry driver, soon caught
ant . . . The medicine man of the blue ants up to me. At this point in time I didn't know
came to her and welcomed her in becoming what to do so I rolled down my window to hear
a Hawkneiest. The shaman explained to her exactly what the man was yelling at me. He
that Mohatta was the Hawkneiest queen, but basically told me to be more careful, of course
she did not give birth to her subjects, she ac in an angry tone.
quired them by converting the best warriors I was so relieved that he didn't do anything
into Hawkneiests, in exchange for giving more than that. My little brother was with me
peace to the tribe. during this whole episode and he didn't have to
Now Kaikashiva has become a Hawkne experience anything dramatic. One of the out
iest warrior, the extreme in existence, a pun comes of that occurrence is that I am now
dit in converting souls, the godlike creature more careful and alert as a driver. The bad
in that far away planet surrounding the three part of the story, however, is that was not the
stars... first nor the last time that I cut somebody off
on the road.
That was definitely a strange Well, that's all the time we have for
story Tomas, a very strange story. today and wouldn't you know it that's
But now we will move on from fan all the journals I got too. What an
tastic stories to more personal, re amazing coincidence. By the way, if it
alistic journals, starting with Oscar's seems like this article favored senior
reaction to something that caught his journals that was because this article
attention. did indeed favor senior journals. So
long and I hope there won't be a next
This reminds me of a few weeks ago time.
when I was driving down a major road here
in Guatemala city. My younger brother was THE END
A PJJlUWPJ-llCAL llsbkJilT INT^ VOQQL CPJ^< MA
Kyung Ro

Ugh, this just isn't my day. me! They are so foolish.


Look at that. Just look at They do not realize the mor
the rain falling so proudly tal sin to leave any signifi
on me. Wait a minute! It's cant life out in the street
ruining my beautiful fur! I with no protection against
just had a fresh shower to the cold and evil. I want a
day and look what I get. lawyer to sue them for ani
Those dumb humans, leav mal cruelty. I want justice!
ing me out here in the yard, Those dumb humans; so un
all raining; they are all so educated, so blind, and so
ignorant and uncaring. unaware of the truth.
How could they do this to I hate them all, and they actually think
me? They are probably looking out I am a sort of entertainment (snort!).
side, cursing at the rain, getting all They don't even accommodate the
moody, while listening to some lou capability to satisfy my needs. Can you
sy classical music. The idea of their believe they actually expect me to do
poor, innocent little dog drowning in the tricks for a distasteful doggie biscuit, or
catastrophic rain water might just have those smelly, worn-out bones? Maybe a
escaped their mind. What if I catch a cold, chunk of steak with delicate spices sprinkled
or some unknown disease? I'll be slowly dy on it would be acceptable, but I have to keep
ing in pain and with much suffering. Then my pride! Such worthless deed they ask! How
they should realized the falseness of their ungraceful, and so unnoble. I just can't stand
careless action. I would make them grieve them anymore.
for their extensive loss. On the other hand, Those Homo Sapiens just aren't able to
why should I die? My death will bring only grasp the reason of our existence, nor embrace
a short term of satisfaction. No, I won't do the deep wisdom of the environment. They are
that. It's a lousy idea. I got to think of some too dumb! Why can't they just leave us alone?
other way to make them feel the pain. Ah, I know. It is their slightest instinct that
Why should I be out here in the first keeps them aware of the danger that will come
place? Just because of that little rascal, upon them if we are loose. So those creatures
claiming to have been attacked. Yeah right! can think, eh? They know we have to be kept
Why should I even bother with such an in on guard and had enslaven us as their property.
significant thing? What is the world becom That's what they think. We doggies are envied
ing? I was the only one to recognize her evil of our superior knowledge and instinct; moreo
idea of pleasure; to see me in the worst tor ver, the humans are no exception. They try to
ture. My poor paws; it's so cold that I can't conceal his idea that hangs in the the corner of
even feel them. That lazy old goat, can't he their consciousness. Yes, they fear us. I could
even build a normal dog house? It's not as see it in their watery, dull eyes; the smallest
though I want those with fancy designs and twinkle of panic doesn't escape my keen,
luxuries (though I won't refuse it if it was watchful sensors. How I could prove this? As a
given). You think I want to be out here in matter of fact, that is quite a simple question to
the rain? NO, I prefer the comfort of a nap be reasoned. For instance, why do they ever
beside the cozy fireplace, being brushed by a harness us with elaborate ropes, leather strips,
servant. Now, that's life I can't believe or those skin-piercing collars? It's so obvious.
this. They are actually not coming out to get It is the prevention for us from escaping their
grasp and achieving freedom. They continu beings and other animal species will be termi
ously tug painfully at our neck to warn us, or nated along with all human knowledge and
either to give reassurance to themselves. works, then the world of emptiness would be
Sure there are also the modern harnesses back.
that goes around our body; however, there Hmmf! So those idiots have actually re
function are the same. I must assure you that membered to turn the knob of the door. Where
the creatures who uses the ropes are the have they been all along? Now that the sun in
smart ones, because they think. There exist shining, they finally got their butt up. I'm sure
some fools, like the guys in my house, who they wouldn't even notice my existence... Hey,
have faith on our loyalty and the friendship. they are walking up to me. What is that in their
What moronic! Don't they see the possibility hand? I can't see it very well... It's, it's a doggie
of my betrayal in any moment? I guess there biscuit and a can of Doggie Chow! Now calm
mind doesn't reach until those depths. down. I must have dignity. Never forget the
Why don't I just go ahead and leap over fact that those type of food certainly does not
the fence? Ah, you see, it's all part of my in reach my exquisite taste... No, No, No! Stay
genious plan. Yes. I've been at this for a away! Don't you dare stick that thing under my
whole hour and when I get into action, the nose (wine), no, don't, no, wha....! (chomp,
whole world would tremble. Only it's not the chomp, chomp) I told you I didn't want them!
right time. One by one I would take over Did you see that? (chomp, chomp, gulp!) You
every major system of this country. I will have just witnessed them in the act of delib
have the total control over them and they'll erately pushing the food toward my clenched
certainly follow my command. Do they not mouth, urging me on. I just ate that biscuit
know the power within me? They will be only in hesitant response of their deadly
come aware of the shadow I cast upon them, warning... Hey, by the way, is there anymore
so darkly and widely that there is no possi left? What? You want me to roll over for that?
ble escape. It will be to place them upon my For a single rod of biscuit? Get real; make that
front paw and play with it. I will raise up the two. Okay, but promise me you'll give me the
power of doggies to greatest height, with no bone, (roll-roll-) Okay, now give me what is
limit, and then will come the time of re mine (groan-)I forgot. My pride, yes, I
venge. All those humiliation, belittling, and must keep it up. They probably is brainwash
ignorance... they will pay for it. Oh yes. ing me. Focus, you dog! Focus! hmm, hmm...
They will. Even in this moment, those ... Now don't dare to seduce me. Don't touch
creatures doesn't realize the grave sin they me! Hey, cut it out. Wait, yeah that's the spot.
are committing. Each act will be written I'm getting itchy all over. Here, scratch this
down on my memory, and each will be pun side too. OOh, that feels good! Yo, you forgot
ished for. to rub down my stomach. Mmmm, now brush
I will reveal to you a secret that all dogs my tail Ugh, I did it again. My pride,
got stored in their head since their birth. Be my pride... NO, NO! Not the fetching stick... I
fore the creation of the world, that is, before don't want to see it Why are you torturing
the existence of Adam and Eve... doggies me so? Please leave me alone., you morons!
were the only existing creature in the whole Oh all right. What are you waiting for? Hurry
eternity! Yes, yes! It is the truth. We had en up and throw! Me? Beg? I won't do it. An extra
joyed those days of floating around empti doggie biscuit? Well, I don't know. Okay, fine,
ness. Nothing existed, but everything lived what do I have to loose? <your pride, your
in that period. We were the rulers of our pride (a small distant voice from no where)>
own kind. There was no rulers, no laws, no Oh shut up! It's just this time so mom, stop
limits, and no nothing. There was no such pawing in my life! I'm already two years old!
thing as power over another. Those unexist- sheesh- ... okay, where were we? Oh yeah, the
ing days were the merriest time of our dog biscuit, (paw up, pitiful wine, tongue hanging
gie's memory. It is a repetitious cycle that down, large watery, brown eyes, an innocent
could not be broken. Soon, lead by myself, sad puppy look)...
doggies will destroy the world. All human
BS
The Naked Ape Valle
A long time ago a man named looking figures. The two figures looked at
Weschester Buttlugge, who had lived in each other.
London, England, came to the United States One was geometric looking, it had a trian
of America to study in the police academy in gle head with a dot in the middle. His body
New York. He studied four years and they was a upside down triangle with a big mouth in
sent him to Los Angeles. He lived there for the middle. His shiny tin glistened in the sun.
6 years in Los Angeles killing hobos and The other figure was a cyclopes. It had a
street rats. Then, by accident, Buttlugge circular head with a dot in the middle. Its
killed his boss. He was then fired and was mouth was curved at the bottom of his eye. He
thrown out on the street. Buttlugge spent had striped shorts and matching t-shirt. They
many days at his friends house in New were both robots. The cyclopes had no IQ.
York, until one day he saw some gangsters Buttlugge stood looking at the cyclopes. To
going into a highrise building. The gangsters him he looked stupid and fat. Buttlugge took
weren't armed, but had bad faces. That night out his tommy gun, aimed it at the cyclopes'
x-cop Buttlugge planed to make an attack. eye and blew a perfect hole through his eye.
He got out his rope, tommygun, knife, re The geomecritc figure screamed out
volver and his switchblade from the closet. "Hey you can't do that...",
He strapped on his bulletproof vest and his "He's my friend!"
cowboy hat. At 1:30 am Weschester Buttlugge suddenly grabbed him and twist
Buttlugge went out with his plan. He ed his head off. Then the robot replied,
climbed the building and looked through the "You have my permition."
big skylight which was located on the roof. Suddenly the cyclopes said
Bingo, there they were, all three of them, il- "Why don't we be friends."
legaly playing poker. Buttlugge tied one end Buttlugge replied,
of the rope to his waist, the other to the "Ok, My name's Buttlugge."
building. He was ready for action! "My name's Skippo," said the geometric
He jumped through the window... glass figure.
flew everywhere! Glass flew to the floor. "Well, then my name must be Bebo." Said
Then the gangsters looked up in amasment. the cyclopes.
Glass went through a gangster. He screamed Bebo started to cry with happiness!Bebo
and then he colapsted. Blood spewed out of then said,
his chest. "This is the happiest day of my life."
"One down, two to go!"said Buttlugge. They all stood there waiting for an idea.
Then as he fought he remembered that Suddenly can a voice cried out,
these were the men who stold the bank last "Ahhhhhhhhhhh! Help meeeeee!"
week. Then Buttlugge grabbed the last two A tomato came running in their direction.
gangsters by the neck and then slammed VR000000000M! came the sound of a
their heads together. Buttlugge then placed a truck. Then SPLAAT!!! Tomato flew every-
tear gas bomb and ran for dear life. When he where.Then Skippo whispered,
got to the bottom, two security guards "Ok."
blocked the front door. But that didn't stop Then the three headed for a hotel to spend
ol' Buttlugge. No siry, nope, why Buttlugge the night. Then a voice boomed in the
just ran right through the brick wall of the distance...
building. On the sidewalk stood two odd
TiAS CKV
<±E(XQ- AMD YILU6..."
The Naked Ape Valle

Sandy sat there confused in the daylight. the conscious state to the alpha state in which
In such a stance he thought of the way the he had an exquisite dream. Sandy's trance was
butterflies wings flapped. And of course he so deep that his unconscious mind took over
knew how they worked. The butterflies and he forgot what he dreamed. Then the con
wings flapped very fast and it would hover scious mind took control of his mind when he
over the flowers. Sandy thought of the was bumped by his brother. Sandy's eyes refo-
clouds he could see in a minute. As he lay cused and he rubbed the crusty flakes off from
there he wished with the sky clear and blue around his eye. He passed his hand through his
and the grasshoppers mingaling. Sandy hair and looked around. In such gay harmony
could not have picked a better time and he leaped into the sky in joy "Oh Fabulous
place to watch time go by. Ever since his day!!!!!", they were there. He ran out of the
dad told him that they were once again go van and looked at the clear blue water. Sandy
ing to Maine he was thrilled and went to the got out the suitcase out of the car and opened it
kitchen to prepare some ham and lettuce up! Out popped his girlfriend Bernard!! Ber
sandwiches. As they prepared the delightful nard hugged him in such happy amber. They
treat, Sandy wished Frederic would have a spent the day in such happyness until night
good time at the picnic. But that brought took over and they started to pack up and
back painful memories. leave. Sandy had had so much fun that day and
It reminded Sandy of the time Frederic wished it would never end. Then Sandy started
was on the picknic trip a year ago. He had to cry as they left the parking lot. It was a long
his new Ralph Lauren Polo knitted shirt on and tiresome trip home. When they rolled into
and was playing with the frisbee when he the garage Sandy was very discouraged that his
fell on the ground. It left a very ugly stain, family could not afford the 10 extra gallons to
Frederic ran back to the picnic area in tears. get them home. As Sandy's dad worked out a
Sandy then started to cry and his dad ran treaty with the tow truck driver Sandy walked
into the van. Soon Sandy's dad rushed back into his shack. He fluffed his floor mat and
with the "resolve" but it was too late, for the blew out his candle. Sandy said goodnight to
stain was. . . PERMANENT!!! Poor Sandy his pet cockroach (Bill) and said good night to
started to cry because he felt sorry for his the world. The next dayjvas a pretty bad day
older brother. Sandy blamed it on himself for the old lugger. He woke up and his pet
and got a whipping! "AHHHHH! Goldarn it roach, was cat lunch. Bill was a pancake.
dad don't hurt me...", exclaimed Sandy... Squished inside out. And Fredricks pet cat,
Well, Sandy finished the sandwiches and Presius was very thankful. But that was only
the relish juice. They then loaded it onto the the beginning, when Sandy rolled out of his
van. Sandy and Fredric climbed in the car. cardboard room he SAW...
Sandy took one last look at the house and
thought (He's a big thinker) that in 16 hours TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED TO
he would see it again, they headed for the SANDY AND WHAT HE SAW TAKE A
pond. It was a chilly August mid-day. The LOOK AT THE NEXT ISSUE. AND FOR
sun set in the west and a strip of orange MORE EXCITING EPISODES OF SANDY
paint filled the sky; it was beautiful. As they AND HIS LIFE ITSELF ALSO LOOK AT
rode into the nothingness Sandy drifted from THE NEXT ISSUE!!