Parenting Counter-Culture

CREATING A SPIRITUAL FAMILY LIFE

Getting Started

I give you my advice, and it is this: Train these children with divine exhortations. From their childhood instill in their hearts the love of God so they may manifest in their lives the fear of God and have confidence in the bestowals of God. Teach them to free themselves from human imperfections and to acquire the divine perfections latent in the heart of man. ~Bahai Writings

Aligning With Your Core Values

The first condition is absolute love and harmony They must then proceed with the utmost devotion, courtesy, dignity, care and moderation to express their views. They must in every matter search out the truth and not insist upon their own opinion, for stubbornness and persistence in ones views will lead ultimately to discord and wrangling and the truth will remain hidden. ~Bahai Writings

Alignment into Reality

Parent out of what you want and dream for your

children, not on what you are afraid of.

Example: Were moving to a new school district because we have heard that there is a bullying problem at the school my child would attend.
Re-Frame: We are finding a school that positively engages our child both academically and socially.

Alignment into Reality

We are the family that Uses prayer and consultation to problem-solve Models courtesy and justice Lives simply Enjoys the company of one another Lives in gratitude Connects with nature Enjoys the arts Actively participates in family, faith, and school community Models health and positivity

Commit to Being Not Doing

By simplifying we protect the environment for

childhoods slow essential unfolding self. Our society with its pressures of too much is waging an undeclared war on childhood. The pace of our daily lives is increasingly misaligned with the pace of childhood. A protected childhood allows for the slow development of identity, well-being, and resiliency. Too much stuff, too much to do, leads to too little time, too little depth in the way kids see and explore their worlds.
~Excerpt from Simplicity Parenting 7 Week Course

Commit to Being Not Doing

Stress can push children along the behavioral

spectrum; when you simplify a childs life on a number of levels, back they come. The central struggle of parenthood is to let our hopes for our children outweigh our fears.
~Excerpt from Simplicity Parenting 7 Week Course

Making a Change
1.

Identify a dissatisfaction. What am I most dissatisfied with in my family life right now?

2. Imagine things better. How do I imagine things

could be if this were to change?

3. Design a small doable change. What is one small

doable change I could make that would take me/us in this direction?
~Excerpt from Simplicity Parenting 7 Week Course

Imagine Your Home

My home is the home of peace. My home is the home of joy and delight. My home is the home of laughter and exultation. Whosoever enters through the portals of this home, must go out with gladsome heart. This is the home of light; whosoever enters here must become illumined....
~Bahai Prayer

Imagine Your Home

As a place where time moves a little more slowly. Becoming a little less cluttered and more visually

relaxing. With space and time for childhood and with time for each other every day. As a place where play and exploration are allowed and honored. Having more ease as you begin to limit distractions and say no to the stress of too much, too fast, too soon. Becoming a place where those we love know they are loved, because of our attend and appreciation of them.
~Excerpt from Simplicity Parenting 7 Week Course

Filtering the Adult World

It is possible to say No Thanks to minimize the

effects of screens in our homes, certainly while our children are young. Todays teens spend more than 7 1/ 2 hours a day consuming media watching TV, listening to music, surfing the Web, social networking, and playing video games, according to a 2010 study of 8- to 18year-olds conducted by the Kaiser Family Foundation. The study also found a particular rise in time spent on mobile devices and an overall increase of about an hour and 20 minutes since 1999.

Screens can be addictive, particularly for young children. That might sound extreme, but as of May 2013, "internet use disorder" (IUD) will be added to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorders, published by the American Psychiatric Association. In order to be added to the manual, research had to demonstrate not only that screen time can become a regular habit that has the potential to disrupt daily life, but also that there is neurological evidence to back up that claim. Like other addictions, screen time creates notable changes in brain chemistry - most notably, in the release of dopamine. This pernicious neurotransmitter, also known as the pleasure chemical, plays a role in sugar addiction - not to mention addiction to harder substances like cocaine. When kids develop a dopamine habit during early childhood, be it through sugary treats or computer games, more serious problems may ensue.

These effects have been known for years, and yet the American Academy of Pediatrics estimates that the average child spends seven hours of their day looking at a screen, be it a video game, computer, cell phone, or television.
[Article: Wired Kids: How Screen Time Affects Children's Brains; Oct 2013]

Filtering the Adult World

Family, faith, school, nature engagement and

connection rather than entertainment will feed your childrens imagination, enrich their play. Filter what you say to your spouse and children by asking yourself... Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary? Increase your chances of being heard by talking less. Imagine feeling calmer, safer and less anxious as a parent by reducing the amount of information overload. ~Excerpt from Simplicity Parenting 7 Week Course

Behavior is About Connection

Increasing the rhythm of your home life is one of the

most powerful ways of simplifying your childrens lives. Rhythms establish a foundation for cooperation and connection. Relationship is often built in the intervals, when nothing much is going on. Food is meant to nourish, not to entertain or excite.
~Excerpt from Simplicity Parenting 7 Week Course

Behavior is About Connection

What makes a child easy to parent?

Behavior is About Connection

A child who is easy to parent Listens and attends to us Takes our cues Trusts us Looks up to us Seeks our help Likes our company Feels at home with us Follows us Likes us Likes to please us Seeks to measure up Doesnt want to have secrets from us
~Excerpt from The Power to Parent with Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Behavior is About Connection

Simply: A child who is easy to parent, Loves you. LOVE = ATTACHMENT

~Excerpt from The Power to Parent with Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Behavior is About Connection

ATTACHMENT DOES THIS ATTACHMENT PROVIDES THE POWER TO

Arranges hierarchically

Take charge of them,

Renders endearing and

tolerant Creates a sense of home

take care of them, and act with natural authority Like them and endure them Provides comfort, rest, and a place of retreat
~Excerpt from The Power to Parent with Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Behavior is About Connection

ATTACHMENT DOES THIS ATTACHMENT PROVIDES THE POWER TO

Creates a compass

Command their

point Activates proximity instincts Evokes a desire to be good for those attached to

attention, guide and direct them, and transmit our culture Keep them close and command their loyalty Act with natural power and authority
~Excerpt from The Power to Parent with Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Behavior is About Connection

WHAT CAN DAMAGE ATTACHMENT OR CONNECTION?

Separation (Time-out/isolation) Shame Alarm (yelling)

~Excerpt from The Power to Parent with Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Feeding Your Spirit

PRAYER CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE, FAMILY,

& FRIENDS TIME AWAY THE ARTS SIMPLICITY