StudyGuide:ThePowerofVulnerabilitybyBreneBrown(TED)

OnlineVideo:www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html StudyguidecompiledbyTimTedder,LMHC,NCC|CurrentsCounseling.com

1.Dr.Brownmakesthisstatementaboutrelationalconnection:"Connectioniswhywe'rehereit'swhat givespurposeandmeaningtoourlives."

Reflection... Doyouagree,ordisagree? Considertheimportanceofpersonalconnectioninthefollowingstagesofyourlife.Whatwouldyou sayaboutyourneed,longing,andexperienceofconnectionineachstage? Thebeginningofyourlife... Yourchildhood... Adolescence... Adulthood... Imaginewhatconnectionmightmeantoyouinthelastyearofyourlife...

2.Inherresearch,Dr.Brownfoundthethingthat"unraveledconnection"wasshame.Shemadethe followingstatementsaboutshame: Shamecanbeunderstoodasthefearofdisconnectionthefearthatthereissomethingaboutme thatmakesothersconsidermeunworthyofconnection. Shameisuniversal.Weallhaveit.Theonlypeoplewhodon'texperienceshamehavenocapacity forhumanempathyorconnection. Noonewantstotalkaboutshame,andthelessyoutalkaboutit,themoreyouhaveit. Shameisexpressedinthefeelingof"I'mnot______enough"(goodenough,thinenough,rich enough,beautifulenough,smartenough,promotedenough,etc.).

Reflection... Areyouawareofthethingsyoufearedasachild,adolescent,adult? Wereanyofthosefearslinkedtothoughtsof"I'mnot______enough"?Howdid/doyoufillinthat blank? Didthisaffectyourrelationshipconnections?Ifso,how?

3.Dr.Brown'sresearchindicatedwhatseparatedpeoplewhoexperienceastrongsenseofloveand belongingfromthosewhostruggleforitisthis:"Thepeoplewhohaveastrongsenseofloveandbelonging believethey'reworthyofit."Whenstudyingthedatacollectedfromthese"wholehearted"people,she discoveredtheyhadthesethingsincommon: Courage:(Originaldefinition:tellingwhoyouarewithyourwholeheart.)Theyhadthecourageto beimperfect. Compassion:Theywerekindtothemselvesandtoothers. Connection:Theirconnectionswererootedinauthenticity(lettinggoofwhotheythoughtthey shouldbeinordertobewhotheywere). Vulnerability:Theyembracedvulnerabilityassomethingthatwasnecessaryforconnection. (Examplesofvulnerability:askingsomeoneforhelp,initiatingsex,beingturneddown,waitingfor thedoctortocallback,gettinglaidoff,layingoffpeople)

Reflection... Considerthesequalities:thecouragetobeimperfect,genuinekindness,authenticity,vulnerability. Inwhatwaysaretheseevidentinyou?Inwhatwaysaretheylacking? Whatmakesyoufeelmostvulnerableinrelationships?(Thinkaboutwhatyoutendtoavoid.)

VulnerabilityStudyGuidePage1

4.Dr.Browndefinedthethefollowingstrategiesweuseinourattempttoeliminateorminimizethefeeling ofvulnerability: WeNUMBit(e.g.,overspending,overeating,overmedicating).Theproblemis,wecannot selectivelynumbouremotions.Whenwenumbnegativefeelings(venerability,grief,shame,fear, disappointment)wenumbpositiveones,too(joy,gratitude,happiness,love). WemakethingsCERTAIN.Wedon'tleaveroomforambiguityoruncertaintyinouropinionsand beliefs. WePERFECT.Weattempttoremoveorreplaceperceivedimperfectionsinourlivesandinour children'slives. WePRETEND.Weactasthoughwearenotresponsibleforthewayourlivesaffectothersinsteadof acceptingresponsibility,especiallywhenwehavecausedhurt.

Reflection... Whichofthesedoyoutendtousemostoften? Listsomeexamplesofthewaysyou'veusedthatstrategyinordertominimizefeelingsofpersonal vulnerability. Areyouawareofwaysinwhichthosechoicesandbehaviorshavehadnegativeimpactonany relationships?Ifso,how?

5.Dr.Brownsuggests"anotherway"ofdealingwithvulnerability: Toletourselvesbeseen,deeplyandvulnerably. Tolovewithourwholehearts,evenwhenthereisnoguarantee. Topracticegratitudeandjoy,eveninmomentsoffearanduncertainty. Tobelieve"Iamenough."

Reflection... Doanyofthesechallengesstiralonginginyoutobemorelikethat?Ifso,taketheriskofbeing vulnerableandTALKaboutitwithsomeone. Doyoubelieve,"Iamenough"?Whatdoesthatmean?Whathindersthatbelief?Whathelpsthat belief?Doyourspiritualbeliefshaveanyimpact?Ifso,how? Thinkofanimportantrelationshipinyourlife.Whatisonespecific,measurablethingyoucando withinthenext24hoursthatwouldbeanactofvulnerabilityinthatrelationship?Willyoudoit?

VulnerabilityStudyGuidePage2