LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE

by Nur Azlyn binti Ahmad Fauzi 1st Year Medicine 13/14 Kings College London

Urgh. Not again. Rubbing the sleep off my eyes, I stepped out from underneath the thick duvet, and yawned. I saw her already up and about, fixing her turquoise hijab she specifically told me off when I said it was an odd shade of blue and all ready for the day. Great. Just peachy. Good morning, Hana! The turquoise thing chirped, all gussied up, even at 8 a.m. in the morning. Wearing a disconcertingly eerie grin on her face, she took one last glance at her reflection, and stepped towards me. Urgh. Seriously, has this girl ever heard of the term Monday blues before? Highly doubt it Come on! Were going to be late for the bus! It leaves in fifteen minutes, and you know how crazy the traffic gets in the morning, said Miss Turquoise, tapping her wristwatch. I blinked, took one last longing glance towards the bed, and stepped into the bathroom. Urgh. Monday. ***

Were you up for fajr this morning? I tried to wake you up but then-- Turquoise, youd better keep that trap shut, because I am really, really, not in the mood right now. I simply shook my head, and continued to fix my hijab. Im wearing the one from last Friday. Hey, dont judge. What with a half- eaten piece of bread between my teeth and a nagging turquoise thing tapping her foot impatiently at the front door, fishing out a clean hijab from underneath the mountain of unfolded clothes was not really an option. Then theres the ironing. Nuh-uh, no way. Out late last night with whatsisname? You know hes totally playing you, right? she said hotly. What the My cheeks started to burn. Suddenly the buttons on my coat became the most interesting pieces of bobbly-things I had ever seen. Gee, thanks Turquoise. *** Hana, come on! Are you mad at me? she breathed, struggling to keep up with my quick strides. Seriously. Not. In. The. Mood. Ill see you at 5. I mumbled, tugging my rucksack further up my shoulder. I glanced at my phone. Great. Histology at 9 a.m. with next to nothing for breakfast. I guess Ill be looking through the microscope and seeing red blood cells as mini pancakes again today. Wait! Here, said Little Miss Sunshine, grabbing a hold of my wrist just as I was about to leave, You forgot this. You promised this week youd stop skipping. Eyebrows furrowed, I saw that in my hand was a thin book: al-Mathuraat. !

Man, this girls quick on her toes. See ya. Without taking a second glance back, I rushed over to the General Classroom, losing myself in the small crowd that was already forming before the entrance. *** [Inbox: 1] From: Sarah (UK) Salam! How are you? Care to join us for our weekly halaqah this evening? Havent seen you in a while. We have a lot of catching up to do! ;) Putting my half-eaten chocolate bar down, I let out a small sigh. To: Sarah (UK) Wassalam. Getting busier by the day. Loads to do. Till next time. xxx' Finishing off my meagre excuse of a lunch, I packed my bags and went straight to the library. *** Yoohoo! There you are! What took you so long? said an all-too-familiar voice next to the metal gates, as soon as I stepped out of campus grounds. Trying hard not to roll my eyes, I simply slumped onto the bus stop bench, flicking mindlessly through my phone as I did so. From the corner of my eyes, I see her dejected form trudging her way to sit right next to me. Frustrated, Little Miss Sunshine? !

Well, this is new. Even to me, whose main purpose in life was to annoy the living daylights out of her. Is it wrong to feel this oddly satisfied? I let out a small laugh, of which she pointed out without a moments hesitation. Why are you laughing? she asked with her eyebrows scrunched, arms folded. Did anything happen in class today? Oh she stopped mid-sentence, taking her phone out from her left pocket, I received a message from Sarah today, did you get one as well? Seriously? Will she ever recover from Annoyingitis? Never. Missing. A flipping. Beat. Yeah, I did. But Im busy this week, I replied, shrugging off her question. This weeks lectures are a bit on the heavy side. You know how serious I am with my studies, I continued, silently praying for bus number 323 to arrive five minutes early. Come on, Mr. Bus Driver. I have faith in you. I promise to give you my reserved-onlyfor-special-people 30-watt smile if you arrived in five wait, four minutes! Oh Hana, come on, lets go! We practically have the same classes anyway, and well plan our studies together! That way, we can Oh my God! Will you please just shut it already! I hissed, trying my best not to make a scene at the shabby bus stop. The last thing these tired, hungry people need after a long day is for something else to be even remotely interested in. You go ahead and do whatever it is that you want to do, and Ill do whatever I want to do. You stay out of my business, and Ill stay out of yours. Got it? Checkmate, darling. With her mouth pressed into a thin line, she grabbed her bag and stood up abruptly. The bus is here.

Sorry Mr. Bus Driver, Ive run out of smiles. Put it on my tab. Along with the other unfulfilled promises. *** So. Its been quite some time since she last dropped by. Usually she would be poking her head around the corner, reminding me to stop monotonously scrolling through Facebook, or to pray on time, or occasionally remind me to set an alarm for the next day. One time, she even reminded or nagged, as I called it me to get started on studying when she caught me browsing through online videos for hours on end. Me being me, simply rolled my eyes and made a huge point of switching off my laptop just to get her off my back. Hey, dont you roll your eyes at me. She was going on and on about how the kids in Gaza had close to zero access to education and blah blah, I tuned her out when she reached this point so I snapped. Not my problem. Was it? Urgh. Now Im annoying myself with all this touchy-feely mumbo jumbo. What is this feeling about, anyway? Her? I groaned. Okay, fine. Ill admit. I miss her. Happy?

I squeezed my eyes shut, massaging my temple before hearing drops of rain beginning to tap against the windows. Great. Even the weather is against me. Little Miss Sunshine, what have you done to me? Speaking of which, where is she, anyway? I pushed my chair away from the desk, and stood up before taking a good look around me. I see piles of unwashed clothes starting to form a nest at the corner of the room, the unmade bed from the usual scrambling due to late nights and rushed mornings, unwashed dishes from yesterdays quick fried rice dinner, and bags of clothes I could not even remember walking through the doors with. Oh man. Breaking me out of my reverie, my phone started to vibrate. Its him again. I told him to leave me alone after The Black Tuesday incident last week, where I caught a photo of him plastered against a girl about my age on Facebook. Ironic, when thats where me first met. Youre my other half, he said. You give me reason to live, he said. Butter me up like a biscuit and burn me in flames, why dont you. I let out an annoyed grunt, and deleted his text. Shes right. As usual. God, I am so messed up.

Tapping on the New Message icon, I searched for the first person I could think of, and sent her a quick text. I then sat down at the edge of the bed, and placed my head in my hands. Seconds later, a reply came in. [Inbox: 1] From: Sarah (UK) Im free to talk. You alright? *** Then what happened? asked the bright-eyed girl in pink hijab, sitting just across from me. Her crooked smile almost made me laugh, together with the other four sets of eyes focused on me, waiting for the next part to my story. The rest is history, I paused dramatically, but whats important is, here I am today. The entire group groaned in frustration. Mina was the first one to speak up, But I dont get it, where did she go? It couldnt have been that bad for her to have left all of a sudden. Ah. You see, she never left in the first place. Huh. What the mumbled Jannah, confused. She was there with me the entire time. I said, smiling at the memory. Just waiting for me to reach out for her again.

Wanting to rid the girls of their confusion, I continued, Well, Little Miss Sunshine was actually my conscience. A part of me that separated whats good from bad and whats right from wrong. They blinked up at me, an unspoken demand for me to carry on. Everyone is born with a clean conscience. Its called fitrah. The will to do good, in simple terms. Its what makes up the innocence of young children, or even that guilty feeling we get when we wake up late for fajr. But as soon as we start to go against this fitrah being the rebels that we are at such a young age we begin to realise that this feeling of righteousness starts to dwindle away, bit by bit. We soon become strangers to our own conscience, with the bond deteriorating without us even knowing it. The girls in the halaqah had their heads bowed, each deep in thought. Thats what happened to me. I didnt know what I had until its gone. But Alhamdulillah, Allah didnt let me stray too far from the right path. He sent His lesson through a messy heartbreak, before I realised that I was doing it all wrong. He saved me and showed me the right way to love again. He led me back to my fitra. My deen. And Ive never been happier. A pregnant pause went throughout the room. Wow. So clichd, and yet wow, said Mina, beaming towards me. Cheeky Mina. Always finding a way to lighten up the mood. Mina, youre ruining the mood! exclaimed Halima, poking her elbow into her friends ribs. Haha. Great minds think alike.

As I looked into the faces of the young girls in the halaqah, I realised how grateful I was for everything that God had planned for me. He saved me from the life of foolishness and ignorance, and allowed me to find my way back to Him. To embrace the rightful fitrah, the fitrah of a caliph and abid. --- THE END --Inspired by SoulPancakes video: Me, Myself and My Conscience, YouTube.

GLOSSARY o al-Mathuraat A collection of verses and prayers (duas) that are collected and arranged by Imam Hassan al-Banna based on the Prophet Muhammads (pbuh) practice. Also called Azkar.
o

Fitrah (In the context of religion) The natural predisposition of every being; inclined towards doing good and righteous deeds in submission to Allah, the One God.
[Source: http://www.missionislam.com/knowledge/DefinitionFitrah.htm]

o Halaqah Literally means a circle; publicly understood as a small gathering of people discussing about faith and spirituality, current issues and the likes. Also known as Usrah or Liqa. o Deen Religion, specifically referring to Islam. o Caliph The responsibility of man in managing resources (manpower, knowledge, land, etc) with proper conduct for the sake of the greater good of mankind, in the sake of Allah.
[Surah al-Baqarah, 2:30]

o Abid The act of consciously submitting to the One and Only Creator, knowing and admitting that every being is a slave to the Almighty.
[Surah az-Zariyaat, 51:56]