AS English Language: ENB3 Original Writing Exemplar Commentaries (1)

The following is a series of ENB3 Original Writing student commentaries. They are all in the top band and have been moderated by A A.

COMMENTARY 1: DRESS CODES

! text is suppose" to persua"e the au"ien#e that "ress #o"es are unne#essar! in $urther e"u#ation% inten"e" au"ien#e is a spe#ialist group o$ &ell e"u#ate" a"ults' namel! tea#hers% ( #hose this topi# )e#ause it is something ( $eel strongl! a)out an" ha*e experien#e" m!sel$% Conse+uentl! m! opinions an" arguments are mostl! m! o&n' this allo&e" me to )e more #reati*e in ho& ( arti#ulate" them in the text% ( #hose to &rite a persuasi*e arti#le an" aim it at tea#hers )e#ause the purpose &oul" en#ompass man! "i$$erent rhetori# $eatures $or me to use )ut )e#ause o$ the generi# $eatures o$ an arti#le' it &oul" )e entertaining as &ell% ,he inten"e" au"ien#e &oul" allo& me to use spe#ialist terms an" i"eas expresse" )! a mixture o$ Latinate an" in$ormal *o#a)ular!% ( use" a ,ime E"u#ational Supplement' persuasi*e arti#le as m! st!le mo"el an" $oun" that it &oul" state #ommon arguments an" then #ounter them% Also apart $rom the generi# $eatures su#h as spe#ialist terms' rhetori#al +uestions an" the uni$!ing pronoun -&e'- it #ontaine" a lot o$ metaphori#al language an" +uotes to su)stantiate the &riter-s arguments% ,he mo"els o*erall metho" o$ persuasion &as through reasoning% While in terms o$ stru#turing the material it starte" on a ma#ro le*el' gi*ing )roa" arguments an" then on a mi#ro le*el' in a #ase stu"! appl!ing the arguments to the text% .ue to the texts genre ( &as a)le to #hoose $rom a &i"e #hoi#e o$ &or"s' &hi#h suite" m! persuasi*e purpose% (n the )eginning o$ the arti#le ( use" the &or" -"ress #o"es- to ma/e #lear to the au"ien#e &hat the topi# &as% As the text progresse" ( use" "i$$erent s!non!ms su#h as 0regimentals'0 an" 0uni$orm'0 &hi#h )oth ha*e the same meaning )ut ha*e negati*e #onnotations in the text )e#ause the! #ome $rom the semanti# $iel" o$ the arm!% ,his a#te" as a &a! o$ emphasising m! negati*e *ie& o$ "ress #o"es' as something restri#ti*e an" also ma"e the text less repetiti*e an" more entertaining to rea" Be$ore presenting an argument $or "ress #o"es ( &oul" use assertions 0,he most o)*ious an" irrele*ant reasons'0 it puts the rea"er in a position &here the! ha*e to agree )e#ause there is no room $or them to "isagree% .uring it inter1e#te" &or"s &ith negati*e implie" meanings 0suppose"l!'0 &hi#h implie" that "ress #o"es "i" not ha*e an! real or pro*en a$$e#t% ,hese #om)ine" together a#te" as a &a! to "is#re"it the argument )e$ore ( ha" #ountere" it% ,here$ore the &a! in &hi#h ( or"ere" the material meant that the #ounter argument a#te" li/e a #on#lusion' soli"i$!ing m! point to the rea"er% ,he use o$ the presupposition 0We as a nation are "igressing an" re*erting )a#/ to our ol" stu#/ up &a!s'0 "ra&s the rea"er in an" presupposes that the nation &as on#e stu#/ up an" is )e#oming so again% .ue to the use o$ the pronoun 0&e'0 the rea"er is in#lu"e" in the statement an" &oul" there$ore #ons#iousl! tr! to "istan#e themsel*es $rom )eing seen as stu#/ up an" #onse+uentl! $or "ress #o"es% ( use" a &ell /no&n +uote 0e"u#ation' e"u#ation' e"u#ation'0 )! ma/ing re$eren#e to politi#s it pro*e" to the au"ien#e that ( &as e"u#ate" m!sel$% ( also )rought up pre*ious e"u#ational issues 0ma!)e a re*italisation o$ the 11 plus is on the #ar"s as &ell'0 &hi#h $urthermore emphasise" to the au"ien#e that ( am /no&le"gea)le on the topi#% O*erall ( "i" tr! to persua"e through reasoning )ut )e#ause o$ the use o$ sensational &or"s su#h as 0perse*ere'0 &hi#h in*o/e" emotions o$ s!mpath! $or stu"ents &ho #an not a$$or" a uni$orm' persuasion through emotion "i" ta/e pla#e% ( /ept m! arguments )roa" so that ( #oul" "is#re"it all the o)*ious "e)ates $or "ress #o"e% o*erall negati*e e$$e#t% 2rior to &riting the arti#le "i" some resear#h' tr!ing to o)tain some statisti#al in$ormation on the negati*e e$$e#ts o$ the "ress #o"e )ut #oul" not o)tain an!% 3o&e*er in m! st!le mo"el there &as not an! statisti#s' in light o$ this ( "e#i"e" that ( shoul" ma/e more use o$ the persuasi*e $eatures instea" 1ust $igures% (n m! $irst "ra$t there &ere )ullet points )ut ( "e#i"e" to #hange this )e#ause m! st!le mo"el "i"n-t a/ing re$eren#e to issues in other #ountries regar"ing "ress #o"e' expresse" the !

#ontain an! an" &ithout them ( #oul" expan" on m! points more% Also m! inten"e" au"ien#e "i" not nee" the )ullet point $orm o$ simpli$ie" in$ormation' so it seeme" point less to use a $eature &hi#h &oul" not )e e$$e#ti*e% Mark: 28/30

COMMENTARY 2: 'WAR OF THE ROSES'

Be$ore &riting m! arti#le' ( rea" a *ariet! o$ persuasi*e texts% ,hese range" $rom #harit! lea$lets as/ing $or "onations to opinionate" ne&spaper #olumns% ,he a#tual st!le mo"el that ( sele#te" &as a stor! entitle" ,he 3ar" Sell-% ,a/en $rom )roa"sheet supplement -,he 4ui"e-' the purpose o$ the text is $or rea"ers to a"opt the *ie& that the 3ula53oops a"*ertisements are o$ a poor +ualit! an" it is su##ess$ul in a#hie*ing this% ,he aim o$ m! arti#le is $or the rea"ership to align their per#eption o$ $lo&ers &ith m! o&n (the! #ause unne#essar! pro)lems)% (n terms o$ the target au"ien#e' -War o$ the 6oses- shoul" appeal to men an" &omen that are age" )et&een 78 an" 99% ,he! pro)a)l! rea" )roa"sheet ne&spapers an" supplements as &ell% ,he aim o$ a persuasi*e text is to in$luen#e an" so there nee"s to )e a #lose relationship )et&een the rea"er an" &riter% ,o ensure that m! pie#e o$ &riting is persuasi*e an" that it has a $rien"l! tenor' ( sample" rea#tions amongst the rea"ership% ,he ma1orit! $oun" it to )e humorous an" persuasi*e' espe#iall! in the se#tion a)out &asps an" gi$ts% 3o&e*er' some $oun" the se#on" paragraph repetiti*e an" others thought the part on 3a!$e*er #oul" )e lengthene"% ,he a$orementione" aspe#ts &ill )e )uilt on an" impro*e" upon &hen re"ra$ting ta/es pla#e% ,hroughout -War o$ the 6oses-' ( ha*e trie" to in#orporate interesting examples o$ lexis% ,he most nota)le is humour an" this is "emonstrate" in the opening' -(t-s )est that the! empt! their )o&els on the street rather than on m! #ream #oloure" #arpet-% 3umour is a #on*entional $eature in persuasi*e texts )e#ause it helps esta)lish the right tenor an" #reates a #on*ersational tone% (n line &ith this' there are *arious personal ane#"otes su#h as the &asp sting% Not onl! "oes this )uil" a relationship &ith the target au"ien#e' )ut it also relates to an e*ent that has pro)a)l! a$$e#te" them% Su#h a $rien"l! tone ma/es it more li/el! that the rea"ership &ill si"e &ith m! *ie&% ,he lexis is also #ollo+uial an" in$ormal% An example o$ this is &hen ( re$er to the "ogs as -the $at one- an" -the s/inn! one-% 6hetori#al +uestions li/e -&hat "i" ( see nestling on m! little toe o$ all pla#es:- are in#lu"e" as &ell' in*ol*ing the au"ien#e an" ma/ing them $eel that the! ha*e an important part to pla! in the argument% ,he use o$ pronouns (-&ean" -!ou-) has the same e$$e#t% Another signi$i#ant $eature is the in#lusion o$ "ramati# language li/e -"ea"l!- an" -"angerous-% ,his #reates an exaggerate" an" mo#/ing tone' ma/ing the arti#le more $un to rea" an" persuasi*e% Asi"e $rom lexis' there are a num)er o$ other $eatures that ha*e an impa#t on the rea"er an" ma/e the arti#le more persuasi*e% ;irst' alliteration pla!s a signi$i#ant role (-*enge$ul *en"etta-) )e#ause it emphasises the o*er5the5top nature o$ -War o$ the 6oses-% As mentione" pre*iousl!' the tenor o$ a persuasi*e text is important )e#ause it relies on rea"er parti#ipation% Also' ( thin/ this parti#ular "e*i#e ma/es m! *ie& more memora)le% Conne#te" to this' senten#e si<e is an important te#hni+ue= i$ ( ha*e use" a lot o$ long senten#es' ( &ill $ollo& it &ith a short one% ,his #at#hes the rea"ers- attention an" "ra&s them into the argument% ;or the same e$$e#t' ( ha*e in#lu"e" three5part lists (-pointless primroses' "aint! "aisies or tin! tulips-)' #ontrasting pairs (-though the! appear to )e s&eet an" inno#ent' $lo&ers are "ea"l! an" "angerous-) an" parallelism (the use o$ the &or" -(magine- in the se#on" paragraph)% ,he stru#ture o$ m! argument is e$$e#ti*e as &ell% Apart $rom ha*ing a strong opening an" en"ing' it re$ers to e*ents that &ill ha*e some rele*an#e to the rea"ers% (n a similar *ein' the stor! rea"s li/e a list o$ pet hates an" this highlights its exaggerate" an" sel$5mo#/ing tone% (n line &ith this' the $inal paragraph un"ermines m! argument sin#e it a#/no&le"ges that $lo&ers ha*e a real purpose in li$e% ,his relates to 2age 7

the $a#t that throughout the pie#e o$ &riting ( ha*e #reate" a #omi#all! o)noxious persona% As &ell as allo&ing the humour to #ome through' ( thin/ the arti#le-s o*er the top nature )rings the au"ien#e into the argument an" ma/es it more e$$e#ti*e% ;urthermore' pragmati#s has )een use" through the use o$ the &or" -root- in the phrase -root o$ m! pain-% O*ertl!' it re$ers to the #ause o$ m! in1ur! )ut #o*ertl!' it relates to the $a#t that $lo&ers ta/e in &ater through a s!stem o$ roots% On#e more' ( thin/ this ma/es m! argument more sophisti#ate" an" memora)le% ,han/s to the in#lusion o$ these te#hni+ues' the stor! shares man! #omparisons &ith the st!le mo"el (most nota)l! the use o$ humour)% ,here$ore' -War o$ the 6oses- $ul$ils its aim to persua"e% Mark: 27/30

COMMENTARY 3: THE DIARY OF GEORGE B SH!

! inten"e" purpose $or this pie#e o$ &riting &as to pro"u#e a part o$ a $i#tional "iar! o$ the #urrent Ameri#an 2resi"ent' 4eorge W Bush' aime" at a"ults% ,he text &as not suppose" to )e aime" solel! at people intereste" in the 2resi"ent or politi#s' as ( &ante" it to appeal to a &i"e range o$ people so e*en those &ith the most )asi# /no&le"ge o$ Bush &oul" en1o! it% ( &ante" to ma/e the "iar! an entertaining rea"' so attempte" to ma/e it #omi#al% ,he "iar! #onsists o$ $i*e "ail! -entries- $rom ;e)ruar! 73578 th 7>>?%( loo/e" into these "ates to "is#o*er &hat the 2resi"ent &as a#tuall! "oing on these "a!s% ,he spee#h on marriage an" the meeting &ith the 4eorgian 2resi"ent a#tuall! too/ pla#e on these "a!s in real li$e% ,he part o$ the meeting &ith the 4eorgian 2resi"ent &hen Bush as/e" $or an English +uestion to )e translate" into English also a#tuall! happene"% ( got this in$ormation $rom &&&%&hitehouse%go*% ( loo/e" at $i#tional "iaries as st!le mo"els $or m! pie#e% ( $oun" an extra#t $rom -A"rian ole' Age" 3?- )! Sue ,o&nsen"% (t in$luen#e" me to use "i$$erent mo"es o$ a""ress $or #ertain #hara#ters% ;or instan#e' ( #all the Chie$ o$ Sta$$ 1ust )! his surname (-Car"-) to ma/e him seem less important' #all ,on! Blair -,on!- to sho& that he an" Bush are more li/e $rien"s than #olleagues' an" #all the @i#e 2resi"ent in #ontrol% ,he st!le mo"els also helpe" me in m! stru#ture o$ the "iar!% ;or example' the st!le mo"el $re+uentl! summe" up the "a! or the in#i"ent &ith a short senten#e% (n a $e& o$ the entries o$ m! pie#e' ( imitate" this te#hni+ue )! summing up the e*ent' li/e - r Chene! &as *er! please"'- an" -it &as ni#e meeting a man &ith a $unn! name-% (n m! text' humour &as essential to ma/e it appeal to the #orre#t au"ien#e% One o$ the main things ( "i" &as to ma/e &hat Bush sa!s sill!' )ut &ithout him reali<ing that he has ma"e a mista/e% So &hen ( #reate" lists o$ things su#h as &hat mista/es he ma"e in spee#hes' ( a""e" something right at the en" that ma"e him seem stupi"' )ut &ithout him reali<ing it% ;or example' he sa!s -( onl! mispronoun#e" -1urispru"en#e-' -amen"ment- an" -4eorge0% (t gi*es the senten#e great e$$e#t )! stating the sill! #omment at the en" an" also )uil"s the rea"er-s expe#tations up (the! are expe#ting that he &ill sa! something sill!)% ( trie" to $o#us on using #ertain language in m! text% ( &ante" it to )e e*er!"a! language' #ollo+uial in some areas' mainl! )e#ause ( &ante" Bush to )e seen as a simple person% ( "i"n-t &ant to ma/e the &riting o$ a *er! high $ormalit! that #ontaine" a num)er o$ &or"s $rom an assortment o$ semanti# $iel"s' )e#ause ( "i"n-t &ant Bush to appear to )e #le*er% ;or example' &hen Bush "ri$ts o$$ the topi#' he sa!s -an!&a!' )a#/ to the "a!-' &hi#h is a #ollo+uial sa!ing% ( also ha" to #onstantl! use pronouns' not to ma/e it personal to the rea"er' )ut to ma/e the &riting auto)iographi#al% So , is al&a!s use" &hen tal/ing a)out Bush' to #reate the illusion that he &rote the "iar! himsel$% ,he language use" is al&a!s literal' ( "i" not &ant to in#lu"e an! metaphori#al language )e#ause ( &ante" to ma/e it appear that this "iar! &as real' an" to #reate metaphors &ithin it ma! ma/e it seem 2age 3 r Chene!' )e#ause ( &ante" it to seem that although he is te#hni#all! )elo& the 2resi"ent' he is the person

more li/e a stor!% (n some areas o$ m! pie#e' the language is in#orre#t% ,his &as purposel! "one to again #reate the i"ea that Bush isn-t *er! intelligent% ;or instan#e' ( a""e" an extra (an" in#orre#t) pre$ix on the &or" -un"e$eate"- to #reate -misun"e$eate"-' &hi#h ma/es him seem a little simple (it is li/el! to )e something a #hil" &oul" "o)% ,his &or" in parti#ular &as also in#lu"e" )e#ause' $rom m! resear#h' ( "is#o*ere" that in the past he has a""e" pre$ixes to &or"s in his spee#hes' li/e -misun"erestimate"-% ,o an extent' #ertain phrases use" "i" #ome $rom the semanti# $iel" o$ presi"en#!' )ut these &ere mainl! the #hara#ter-s status (-#hie$ o$ sta$$' -se#urit! o$ "e$en#e-)' &hi#h &as nee"e"% Also' ( &ante" to gi*e Bush some #re"it 5 he &oul" appear extremel! ignorant i$ he "i"n-t e*en /no& the roles o$ people aroun" him% ,o ma/e the text seem li/e a "iar!' ( #reate" a small )oo/let' an" ha" an -entr!- on ea#h page% On the $ront ( a""e" an image o$ the A%S 2resi"ent seal' to ma/e it seem as i$ the "iar! a#tuall! )elonge" to Bush% Mark: 27/30

COMMENTARY ": #$IDEO GAMES ARE THE END OF ORGANISED SOCIETY#

,his pie#e is "esigne" to persua"e the rea"er that *iolen#e in *i"eo games "oesn-t a$$e#t #hil"ren as mu#h as resear#h suggests% (t is most li/el! to )e a 0Net rant0 (opinionate" arti#le $or internet *ie&ing onl!) or it #oul" )e a ne&spaper arti#le aime" at people &ho )elie*e the resear#h% ! st!le mo"els in#lu"e the a""ox 0*egetarian0 an" 0$eminist0 rants 1 an" mu#h o$ the #ontent is "eri*e" $rom the ;ree"man meta5anal!sis o$ man! stu"ies into *i"eo games an" aggression% ! text is title" 0@i"eo games are the en" o$ organise" so#iet!0' &hi#h is a hoo/ that &ill ma/e the rea"er &ant to rea" on regar"less o$ their stan#e on the "e)ate% ,his title is then #ountere" )! a short loo/ )a#/ at other me"ia that has ha" this &il" #laim le*elle" against them% 0,ele*ision is the en" o$ organise" so#iet!BBB0 ,his is inten"e" to ma/e the rea"er put this #laim into perspe#ti*e )e#ause ea#h o$ these me"ia has )e#ome a part o$ normal li$e "espite the #riti#isms that the! &ere met &ith% ost o$ m! text ta/es a sar#asti# an" mo#/ing tone to&ar"s the resear#h an" resear#hers' &hile still retaining a $rien"l! tone to&ar"s the rea"er' inten"ing to allo& them to see the 1o/e% ( /eep this relationship &ith the rea"er all the &a! through )! #onstantl! re$erring to m!sel$' sho&ing the rea"er (-m a real person an" not 1ust another *oi#e% 0($ that-s so then let-s ta/e a loo/ at a long time gamer%%% e0 .espite the $a#t that the text is on a #omplex an" a#a"emi# su)1e#t it is eas! to rea" $or almost an!one% (n man! &a!s the arti#le &ill )e aime" at people &ho ha*en-t got an! +uali$i#ations in ps!#holog! so it has to )e a##essi)le to the &i"er au"ien#e an" not 1ust those &ith a "egree% ost o$ m! argument relies on simplisti# argumentati*e ta#ti#s su#h as spotting $la&s in the metho"olog! o$ the resear#h% 0 ost stu"ies seem to re*ol*e aroun" the e$$e#ts of enforced playing o$ *iolent *i"eo games on aggression0 ,his is a *er! immature ta#ti# )ut )e#ause o$ m! inten"e" au"ien#e the text still hol"s together% Another thing ( exploite" &as ane#"otal e*i"en#e' meaning ( 1ust use" e*i"en#e $rom m! experien#e% 0( ha*e more experien#e &ith the games than an! resear#her ( ha*e e*er #ome a#ross0 ,hese i"eas seem elementar! to the a*erage person )ut an!one o$ a more e"u#ate" )a#/groun" &ill pi#/ up on these as a &ea/ness o$ the text% On the &hole ho&e*er these ta#ti#s &or/ &ell as m! au"ien#e is not suppose" to ha*e mu#h experien#e in these t!pes o$ "e)ate% Some o$ the more su)tle te#hni+ues use" in the text in#lu"e the use o$ an in"e$inite noun )e$ore a "e$inite one' gi*ing the $ormer less importan#e: 0&hen gi*en the #hoi#e )et&een a #lo&n to! &ith #omatose a#tion an" %&' $ull! posea)le a#tion $igure 2age ?

&ith inter#hangea)le tools' missile laun#her an" )i/e0 ,his &oul" )e an almost su)liminal message that the #lo&n to! is less important "ue to the $a#t that man! rea"ers &oul" not )e "eli)eratel! loo/ing $or persuasi*e "e*i#es an" so are li/el! to miss it #ons#iousl! &hile still ta/ing note o$ it su)#ons#iousl!% One parti#ularl! e$$e#ti*e part o$ the text ($rom rea"er $ee")a#/) &as the pro$ile o$ m!sel$ in terms o$ aggression an" *i"eo games% Although it is !et another example o$ ane#"otal e*i"en#e it is a real person' ergo man! rea"ers are more rea"! to )elie*e it o*er &or/ )ase" upon a large group o$ nameless #hil"ren% Although ( name the resear#hers ( am arguing against ( "o not mention an!&here the +uali$i#ations the! possess' nor "o ( mention &ho per$orme" &hi#h stu"!' this is )e#ause man! o$ the target au"ien#e &oul" )e intimi"ate" )! su#h "etails% ( ga*e 3 rea"ers a #op! o$ the $inal "ra$t an" ? others a #op! o$ the $inal "ra$t &ith "etails a)out the ps!#hologists an" the resear#h% ,he latter $oun" mu#h o$ the tag material to )e too #ompli#ate"% O*erall m! text is mo"eratel! e$$e#ti*e to an au"ien#e &ith *er! little experien#e in "e)ates o$ this #ali)re an" most e$$e#ti*e to those &ho ha*e little to no /no&le"ge o$ the a#tual ps!#holog! )ehin" the resear#h an" the "i$$i#ult! o$ #on"u#ting sai" resear#h% ,his is )e#ause m! pie#e "oes not go into enough "epth% ($ ( &ere to &rite the text again ( &oul" go into mu#h greater "etail a)out these an" pro)a)l! aim $or a more e"u#ate" au"ien#e &hile using more a"*an#e" argumentati*e ta#ti#s% 89C &or"s not in#lu"ing $ootnote%
1%

a""ox arti#les are use" &ith express &ritten permission o$ the author%

Mark: 27/30

COMMENTARY (: #HOW TO BE AN INSOMNIAC#

,he main i"ea )ehin" this text &as to entertain the rea"er (espe#iall! those &ho su$$er $rom insomnia)% ( en"e" up pro"u#ing a mo#/ lea$let rather than the arti#le ( ha" planne" to pro"u#e% ! st!le mo"els &ere t&o o$ 4u! Bro&ning-s 0ho& to0 arti#les an" mu#h o$ the lea$let-s a"*i#e is original% 3o&e*er the simpler plans are #ommonl! a##epte" to /eep one a&a/e% ,he $irst page o$ the lea$let is simpl! the title 03o& to Be an (nsomnia#0 in a )lue $ont' this is )e#ause lea$lets o$ this /in" use #olour +uite a lot% ,he $irst &or" o$ the se#on" page is also in #olour% ,he lea$let is &ritten &ith a $irst person perspe#ti*e an" a#tuall! tal/s to the rea"er at times

0( am here (!es this is the lea$let tal/ing0

,his is )e#ause a"*i#e o$ this sort is generall! gi*en person to person rather than *ia lea$lets% (t also helps to )uil" the #lose rea"er5author relationship that the text aims to #reate% ,he text at times anti#ipates &hat the rea"er is thin/ing or ans&ers pro)a)le +uestions that the rea"er &oul" $ormulate at that point in the text' 0as $or !ou &ith the 0 ills an" Boon0 )oo/ !ou "eser*e to )e )ore"%0 ,his allo&s $or 1o/es to )e ma"e that &oul" other&ise ha*e )een misse"' su#h as the pla!)o! rea"ing matter 1o/e &hi#h a"" to the humour an" the relationship the text tries to "e*elop &ith the rea"er% (n the earl! parts o$ the text the i"eas gi*en to #om)at )ore"om are in themsel*es rather mun"ane )ut soun"% ,hese gi*e &a! to an i"ea that non insomnia#s &oul"n-t $ull! un"erstan" (the insomnia# &al/) &hi#h in turn $alls to the <an! i"ea o$ Ba"ger spotter s#aring% ,his 0"es#ent into ma"ness0 is a $eature that appears in man! o$ 4u! Bro&ning-s 03o& to0 series an" $its &ell into this text% ,he text has a &i"e mixture o$ #lassi# #omi# $eatures in it' in#lu"ing the *arious rea"er 1o/es an" the use o$ &or"s that "o not a#tuall! exist

0augmentation philosophoplast!0
,his #ertainl! soun"s *er! impressi*e an" its literal meaning is 0a""ing to philosoph! surger!0 so that those &ho /no& &here the )len"e" #omponents #ame $rom (the $iel" o$ #osmeti# surger!) &ill $in" it 2age 9

amusing% ,he $inal page o$ the text is a page o$ gratuitous 1o/es' &ith the pattern not )eing &hat &oul" )e expe#te" )! the rea"er% ,he )a"ger song is in$a#t an internet 1o/e &hi#h $its into the general o$$)eat $eel o$ the text )e#ause o$ its esoteri# nature% Share" 1o/es ma/e up almost all o$ the text' &ith the main )ul/ share" /no&le"ge 1o/es aime" at insomnia#s (the inten"e" au"ien#e) ho&e*er there is a large amount o$ internet 1o/es an" some more 0la!person0 1o/es 0

Das $or !ou &ith the 0 ills an" Boon0 )oo/ !ou "eser*e to )e )ore"%0
,his allo&s $or multiple au"ien#es to en1o! the text to the point &here almost e*er!one #an $in" something in the text to ma/e them laugh% ,he lea$let segment o$ the text $inishes &ith a large green noti#e sa!ing 0go to sleep" &hi#h "e$eats the &hole o)1e#t o$ the lea$let an" pro*i"es a 0$inal laugh0 $or the rea"er in that a$ter all the a"*i#e gi*en #annot )e #arrie" out un"er 0normal0 insomnia an" must )e 0sel$ in$li#te" insomnia0 as it &ere' so the ultimate ans&er is 1ust to go to sleep% Mark 27/30

2age C