Exploring My Positionality !

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Final Paper: Exploring My Positionality Jenna Fishoff University of California, Los Angeles

Exploring My Positionality !

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Ones identity can be such an abstract concept to grasp, as it is something that is perpetually changing. The reality of who one is today and who they are going to become is one of the many realizations that occur within a lifetime. New experiences, new places, interacting with new people and learning about different cultures are some of the many factors that impact ones positionality. As hard as this is to voice, if I were to think about my identity in the present moment, it screams privilege. In the most explicit terms, I identify as an upper-middle class, heterosexual, white, able-bodied, Jewish, female. I grew up in a relatively homogenous, affluent suburban bubble, where walking down an alley or alone at night is never a fear, my childhood community always granted me a sense of safety. Westlake Village is a beautiful, family-oriented town made up of perfectly paved roads, tree-lined streets and manicured lawns. As part of the majority in terms of race and class, I was definitely afforded opportunities and privileges that have , the life trajectory I am on. Because my mother is a stay-at-home mom and my dad is the sole provider for our household, it took me quite a while to come to the realization that not all families mirror mine. Having a mother that did not have to work, but instead could spend her time at home cooking dinner every night, picking me up from school, taking me to dance, helping me with homework, and packing my lunches was undeniably standard throughout my childhood. As a child, I remember thinking my friends and peers who had mothers that worked was puzzling because it was different than what I knew. What I knew to be normal was that mom stayed home and dad worked. Obviously, as I have gotten older, I began to understand that having a mother, or both parents, that worked was not strange at all. In reality, it is totally customary, and I realize that many of my

Exploring My Positionality ! students both now and in the future, will come from families that do not have a stay at home mom that has the time to do all the things like mine did. I agree with Sleeter (2008), who maintains that teacher educators, must be mindful that students come from a wide variety of family backgrounds and structures, we cannot assume the twoparent, heterosexual, biologically-based family as the norm (p. 122). Coming to this

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awareness has reinforced the fact that I will need to build relationships with my students in order to understand their family life instead of making assumptions. I have learned that just because some of my students families are operated differently than mine and may show involvement in other ways, does not mean that their family isnt filled with just as much love and support. That being said, it is very possible that several of my students may carry burdens and responsibilities with them such as having to care for their siblings at home alone for hours on end, or having to go to work late at night with their parents to help support their families. These are matters that I personally do not have first-hand experience with and because of that, I need to be cognizant of these experiences and opportunities that my students do have, rather than designating my own opinions about what they do not have. As Takacs (2003) states, Rather than tolerating difference, we move to respect difference, as difference helps us understand our own worldview and thus the world itself better (p.28). My experiences student teaching have inspired me to be compassionate towards my students and approach difference from a learning standpoint rather than a pitying or deficit mind frame. Growing up fitting in in a town that was extremely homogeneous in terms of race, being white wasnt something that I ever had to think about or be self conscious about. However, because of this, it wasnt hard for me to focus on other things about

Exploring My Positionality ! myself that made me feel different than the other women and girls around me, particularly my mother who has a completely different build than I do. Because everyone that surrounded me was primarily white, I felt the only thing that made me different, in terms of gender, was my weight and body type. There was a pressure for me to seek perfection through beauty, which manifested into a sickness that was supported by the media, my town, and unfortunately, my family as well. The sickness that follows chasing perfection is a dark and heavy state and I soon formed an eating disorder that I suffered for over seven years. Many people in the past have viewed eating disorders as a rich, white, heterosexual disease (Brumberg 1989), which is actually so far from reality. Eating disorders not only destructively affect women of all races, classes, and sexualities, but they affect a large number of men as well. Having experienced this and undergone many years of healing and reflection, I have realized that the thoughts that fuel this disease begin as early as the elementary years, especially as children begin to bully each other at this age. With media, families, and society spitting images at children about what normal and sexy look like, its no

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wonder that when our youth dont seem to fall into these specific categories, they begin to question themselves. Knowing this, I think it is so important to realize that many of my students will be facing this dilemma as they grow up, not only in terms of being thin, but in terms of aspiring to be white. Looking ahead, I feel compelled to be sensitive and highly aware of such matters. From day one, I plan to establish a safe and understanding-learning environment within my classroom so that my students are able to feel secure exploring their identity and discussing any issues they may come across.

Exploring My Positionality ! Another aspect of my life that has affected my positionality is my education as it has shaped who I am as a person and who I want to be as an educator. My entire life I have been fortunate enough to attend institutions with high expectations of their

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students, quality support systems, and ample resources. I have known I was going to go to college since elementary school; it was never a question of if I was going but rather, where. I want to likewise enforce these high expectations on my students. Of course not all of my students will end up attending college, but I do want them to know how capable they are of going. I want them all to be confident in the knowledge and skills they possess, the way my teachers did for me. In order for this to happen, I find it imperative that my classroom community incorporates my students funds of knowledge, a term Moll (1998) coined to describe the bodies of knowledge that cause the behaviors and activities in households. I plan to not only incorporate my students languages into my classroom and the lessons I teach, but I also want to include their experiences, cultures, and interests. He and many others maintain that if students can utilize their funds of knowledge and experiences in the classroom, their learning becomes meaningful. This is important to me because I want all of my students to feel that they possess valuable knowledge and skills that make them each a significant member of our classroom community. I dont think it was until college that I truly realized what a privilege going to school and receiving a good education is. I never really thought about dropouts and limited budgets for school supplies. I went to a public high school, but being from an affluent area, I feel like I was never really exposed to limited resources. However, as soon as I began mentoring children in urban areas in San Diego as part of a mentoring

Exploring My Positionality ! program at UCSD, I realized how unfair and unequal the allocation of resources in education is, especially within impoverished communities. These children were clearly not being given what I was given as an elementary school student. Now, more than ever, I realize that this is still true, especially in the school I do my student teaching at. As I begin my journey as an educator, I want to reflect on the privileges I have

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experienced and be extremely cautious as to not project judgment or assumption on my students and their lives. I acknowledge that being white and from an upper middle class background, I have been given opportunities not necessarily experienced by many of my students I will teach, but knowing oneself as a social justice educator is to bring all of these experiences with me into the classroom. After taking this class, I realize that I have learned more about myself than I anticipated. Digging deep into my own psyche has been a great experience that has unquestionably built a ton of awareness, but it has been nothing short of difficult at times. I honestly felt like I was blessed with an amazing school experience and I would love nothing more than to be a part of and make a difference in other childrens educational experiences. A pay it forward type of mentality is the way Id like to think about it. Fortunately, I now recognize how my positionality greatly impacts my thoughts about my life, and more importantly, my future classroom community, and how important it is to establish a safe learning environment for every student.

Exploring My Positionality ! References Gordon, R. A. (1989). Fasting girls: The emergence of anorexia nervosa as a modern disease. By Joan Jacobs Brumberg. Cambridge: Harvard University Press.

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Moll, L.C. (1998). Proceedings from twenty-first annual statewide conference for teacher of linguistically and culturally diverse students: Funds of knowledge: A new approach to culture in education. Illinois State: Board of Education. Christine Sleeter (2008). Critical Family History, Identity, and Historical Memory, Educational Studies: A Journal of the American Educational Studies Association. 43:2, pp. 114-124. Takacs, David. Thought & action, Summer 2003: the NEA higher education journal. Washington, DC: NEA Communications Services, 2003.