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#THENEWS BEHIND CLOSED SCIENCE DOORS

Hello and welcome to #TheNews with Corny Koonda and Eva Harrison. In todays segment we will be covering the torture of children through excessive homework, the back stories on history teachers why are they all old? And, tips on how to survive a double period of math. But first, our lead story the mysteries behind closed science doors. What are students doing behind our backs? For all we know, they could be working with poisonous mercury on a daily basis! Or perhaps plotting the worlds destruction through a fatally deadly plague! Our investigation delves deeper into what really drives the learning in science lessons.

We have interviewed one of the many students taking year 7 science classes at a regular school in a regular place here is what she says

What are you learning about in science?

This term weve been learning about the particle theory.

What is this Particle Theory?

Well, particles make up matter and matter is what everything in the universe that takes up space and has mass. Matter divides into 3 states, solids, liquids and gases.

How can you explain these states to our viewers/readers?

Solids are solid. They have a very defined space as their particles are attracted to each other in a tight lattice formation which cannot be changed unless melted; that is when they become liquids. Liquids are wet and runny. The particles in a liquid are less restricted, so they tend to move around more with more energy than solids. Gases are like particles with ADHD. They have lots of energy and take up as much space as they want while moving around and occasionally bouncing off

each other. Even though it is hard to believe, gases do have mass as well as density. What is density? Is it filled with deadly toxins?

Density is how mass is measured. If something is more compact, it is more dense.

What is your opinion on this, Particle Theory?

Well, we made hot air balloons in class out of tissue paper, masking tape and straws, and tried to make them rise over a Bunsen burner, demonstrating the particle theory in an easy and fun way. We saw how heat can expand particles to the point where they cant stand it any longer and are forced to push the balloon upwards and make it float.

Ahem, ahem, yes, thank you for your time, now leave; NOW!

Did you hear that folks?! Talk of particles and heat are they, with science as their driving force, planning to blow up our cities with the tip of a Bunsen burner, in this suspiciousmatter of matter? Maybe one interview isnt enough.with innocent minds and our precious school curriculum at stake, another interview deems necessarythe d=conversation went as follows:

What is a common science lesson to you?

It depends. Recently, weve been learning how to format a science report. Sometimes, we might perform an experimnent--

An experiment on what, exactly? Anything, possibly.living

umm .And then write about it. We start with our aim, then a hypothesis, an equipment list, a risk assessment, a method, observations, a diagram, a discussion and then a conclusion.

Thats lovely Bubye

Did you hear that! They are being taught the appropriate way to present their evil plans to the mastermind!

Ladies and gentlemen, I think we can conclude that science needs to be immediately erased from the school curriculum and all science teachers should be put in prison as they are clearly corrupted and responsible for the 1st world war, the 2nd world war, the 3rd world war that hasnt happened yet but it almost certain to occur.

On that note, we bid you all adieu and invite you to watch our next hard-hitting piece of journalism after the break. Youre watching #TheNews with Corny Koonda and Eva Harrison, Bubye For now.