English Writing Fundamentals

PROGRAMMED TEXT 12-2
WRITING FUNDAMENTALS
Prepared by the Development and Assessment Division CGSC English Department, George Fithen, Chairman 14 November 2000
PREFACE
One of the most important skills that a professional can possess is the ability to communicate effectively and efficiently. Effective communication may be oral or written. It may concern simple or complex issues. Regardless of the subject or the means of communication, however, writing and speaking can consume more of your time and energy than any other task. Throughout your career, you will have to communicate ideas to instructors, peers, potential and actual bosses, and your spouse and children. Such communication will range from answering questions to preparing and presenting briefings and reports. Whenever you write a paper or present a briefing, someone will evaluate your effort. The evaluation may be a formal grade or an informal critique. It will cover both the content and the effectiveness of the presentation or material you submit. In short, people expect you not only to gain knowledge, but also to communicate that knowledge to others in a concise, logical manner. To a large extent, your success in any career depends on your willingness to sharpen talents of reasoning and self-expression.
Programmed Text 12-2 Writing Fundamentals 3 November 2000
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PROGRAMMED TEXT FUNDAMENTAL COMMUNICATIVE SKILLS TABLE OF CONTENTS Page Preface ........................................................................ Chapter 1. INTRODUCTION ................................... Chapter 2. ADMINISTRATIVE INSTRUCTION . Chapter 3. STUDENT PROGRESS SHEET ........... Chapter 4. PROGRAMMED INSTRUCTION ....... Section I. Diction and Sentences ................... Diction ................................................ Clarity in Diction, D-1........................ Conciseness in Diction, D-2................. Coherence in Diction, D-3 .................. Correctness in Diction, D-4 ................ Polishing Diction, D-R ....................... Sentences .............................................. Clarity in Sentences, S-1 ..................... Sentence Conciseness, S-2 .................. Sentence Coherence, S-3 ..................... Sentence Correctness, S-4 ................... Active Writing, S-5 ............................. Editing Sentences, S-R ....................... Section II. Paragraphs .................................. Types of Paragraphs, P-1 ............ The Body Paragraph--Evidence, P-2 ... The Body Paragraph--Organization, P-3 . Introduction, Concluding, and Comparison or Contrast Paragraphs, P-4 ................ Analyzing a Paragraph, P-R ............. AN ARGUMENTATIVE PAPER LAYOUT (inside back cover) NOTE: The words he, his, and him, when used in this publication represent both masculine and feminine genders unless otherwise specifically stated.
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CHAPTER 1 INTRODUCTION
Effective writing depends on certain skills. We all learn these skills, but most of us allow them to become rusty. When we find ourselves in a position that requires us to use these skills on a daily basis, we frequently find that we cannot regain or maintain control of our writing. Errors in grammar, misplaced modifiers, ambiguous diction, careless phraseology, and poor word choice hinder our efforts at expressing our thoughts. Compounding this problem is another: mindless writing. We fall into a trap of using the "official style." This means overuse of passive voice, reliance on stock--essentially lifeless-nouns and verbs; excessive use of adjectives and adverbs; converting nouns to verbs and verbs to nouns; and the invention and use of buzzwords. All of this causes writing to be dull, vague, cluttered, and obscure. Such writing does not express our ideas effectively. This programmed text will help you eliminate the rust and the poor writing habits. It will help make the expression of your ideas clear, concise, and crisp. Your writing will express your ideas more directly and with less chance for misunderstanding.
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CHAPTER 2 ADMINISTRATIVE INSTRUCTIONS CONDUCT This programmed text is largely self-taught and self-paced. The Enabling Learning Objective (ELO) for each unit of programmed instruction is specifically stated, indicating (1) what you are to do to demonstrate your competence at a particular skill, (2) the conditions under which you must perform, and (3) the standard up to which you must measure. Every unit contains instruction related to its ELO and, at the end of each unit, there is an exercise that you must complete to show that you have mastered that specific ELO, as well as a self-evaluation and feedback sheet for checking your exercise solutions. If you think you can complete any exercises (meet its ELO) without studying the unit involved, you may try to do so, and if successful, you may move on to the next unit. If you think you cannot pass the test, study the unit and then complete the exercise to demonstrate your competency in that skill. In this way, you pace yourself and, as necessary, teach yourself as you move ahead. Never do you have to waste time learning material you already know. Nor do you have to move ahead to another unit before you are ready. Instead, your own needs and abilities will govern your progress. ORGANIZATION A few words about organization of the programmed instruction are appropriate at this point. The programmed instruction consists of two sections. The first addresses diction and sentences, and the second addresses paragraphs. Diction, sentences, and paragraphs are the three basic composition levels. Additionally, diction and sentences are addressed in terms of four essential skill areas--clarity, conciseness, coherence, and correctness--with the units organized as shown on the following grid: Clarity Diction Sentences Conciseness D-1 S-1 Coherence D-2 S-2 Correctness D-3 S-3 Review D-4 S-4/S-5 D-R S-R
Units in Section 2 are organized as follows: P-1 P-2 P-3 P-4 TYPES OF PARAGRAPHS BODY PARAGRAPHS--EVIDENCE BODY PARAGRAPHS--ORGANIZATION INTRODUCTION, CONCLUDING, AND COMPARISON/CONTRAST PARAGRAPHS P--R ANALYZING A PARAGRAPH
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GUIDELINES Here's how to start: 1. Survey the entire programmed instruction to gain a feeling for the material. 2. Plan to get a good jump on the material by starting work on it during your homework time. This will give you more flexibility in the classroom. 3. Before studying each unit, look at the exercise instructions to see what you must do to show competence. 4. Complete the exercises on units you believe you understand. If you do poorly, study the material, and repeat the exercise. 5. Always consult the self-evaluation and feedback sheet following each exercise to check your answers. Restudy areas where your answers were not correct. If you need additional help, consult the additional resources, a classmate, the instructor, or the assistant instructor. 6. Cooperate with your classmates in helping them check over their own progress. Don't let this be a careless function; try to make helpful comments whenever you can. 7. Work in groups of two or more, if you wish, to share your learning. 8. Keep pace, and put all your effort into the understanding. ASSIGNMENT Required: 1. Complete the learning units in sequence before advancing to the corresponding review unit in each section. This advice is particularly important in the paragraphing section. 2. Check off your units on the "Student Progress Record" as you progress.
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CHAPTER 3 STUDENT PROGRESS RECORD UNIT Diction D-1 D-2 D-3 D-4 D-R Sentences S-1 S-2 S-3 S-4 S-5 S-R Paragraphs P-1 P-2 P-3 P-4 P-R DATE SIGNOFF COMMENT
Programmed Text 12-2 Fundamentals of Writing 3 November 2000
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CHAPTER 4 PROGRAMMED INSTRUCTION Section 1. Diction and Sentences D-1 CLARITY IN DICTION Enabling Learning Objectives A.01 ACTION: Select sentences containing clarity in diction. CONDITION: Given a series of sentences, each containing a choice involving clarity in diction. STANDARD: Selection is the better passage at least 75% of the time. Additional Resources 1. Any college-level English book. 2. Any collegiate dictionary. Effective writing requires clarity, and clarity begins with our diction or the words we use to express our ideas. The larger elements of writing -- sentences, paragraphs, and papers -- will not be clear unless the words that make them are clear. Achieving clarity in writing means avoiding the pitfalls common in the old formal style of writing. The four most common pitfalls are (1) failure to use concrete words, (2) failure to avoid inappropriate jargon, (3) failure to avoid "gobbledygook," and (4) failure to avoid euphemisms. Here are some ways you can correct these failures in your writing. 1. Be Specific. Concrete words are specific. They name a thing; they call a spade a spade. Abstract words are the opposite; they name a category or concept. Thus, a spade would be "a tool for the manual moving of earth or other material." You may find it easier to write specifically if you remember what is widely known as an abstraction ladder like the one below. Notice that the ladder is wider at the top than at the bottom. This indicates that the word written on each successive rung is more specific than the one above it. The farther you climb down the ladder, the closer you come to naming the specific object.
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RESOURCES MATERIAL EQUIPMENT WEAPON FIREARM RIFLE RUGER 30.06
The obvious advantage to using the most specific word is that specific words convey your ideas most clearly to the reader. With a specific word, the reader can picture in his mind what it is you have in mind. You have, in fact, made a direct mental connection with your reader. Another advantage is conciseness. When you use abstract words, you must provide more information to your reader to ensure understanding. By using a specific word, you can eliminate some explanation.
Rule #1 for writing effectively is to be clear: be specific.

2. Avoid Inappropriate Jargon. Jargon is the specialized vocabulary which a group of people, usually professionals, develop to express complex ideas. Jargon is not always bad. Doctors, lawyers, journalists, police, and soldiers all understand the jargon of their profession. Jargon, used correctly and within the group, is useful and sometimes necessary. People often misuse jargon, however, in one of two ways. The first is the professional uses jargon outside the group, forgetting that not everyone understands his group's jargon. When a writer uses jargon in this way, he is always at fault because he has knowledge of both the jargon and the general language, and, therefore, he has a choice of how to communicate. An adept communicator knows when jargon is appropriate and when to use the general language. The second misuse of jargon is more subtle. When a person or group uses jargon habitually, jargon becomes just that: a habit. Habits, by definition, are thoughtless reflexes. Effective writing, however, is not a reflexive process. It requires thinking. The more we think about the words we use to communicate our ideas, the more precise and trustworthy we become.
Rule #2. Use jargon advisedly.
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3. Gobbledygook. Gobbledygook is complicated terminology used in overly complicated sentences. Unlike jargon, gobbledygook is never correct. Gobbledygook is wordy and difficult to read. And it almost always masks a lack of substance. You have all seen long lists giving examples of gobbledygook, so we haven't reproduced one in this book. Brief examples might, however, aid you in understanding the problem. Gobbledygook utilize initiate finalize endeavor ascertain Clearer Words use start end try find out
Most of you recognize the gobbledygook above and use it every day. You have a fairly good idea what the words mean and they don't seem too imposing. At the word level, one word at a time, the words aren't imposing, but when a writer strings 10 or 15 of the words together in a sentence, both the writing and the typing run out of control.
Rule #3. Avoid Gobbledygook.

4. Euphemisms. Euphemisms are much like gobbledygook in that they are evasive. Euphemisms are flattering words that people give to unattractive reality. With euphemisms, old people become senior citizens and window washers are transparent wall maintenance engineers. Writers and speakers use euphemisms when they don't want to write or speak unpleasant truths. People who read or hear these terms must mentally recreate reality. The communicator has deliberately sacrificed clarity, and the receiver must try to reestablish it.
Rule #4. Don't use euphemisms.

5. Summary. To attain clarity in diction, you need to observe four rules: 1. 2. 3. 4. Use specific words. Use jargon advisedly. Avoid gobbledygook. Avoid euphemisms.
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In other words, to achieve clarity follow Winston Churchill's advice: "Short words are best and the old words when short are best of all."
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D-1 CLARITY IN DICTION EXERCISES The sentences below contain choices in clarity in diction. Circle the word or phrase that concludes the sentence with better clarity. 1. Specificity. a. The United States entered World War II after the Japanese attacked (1) (2) b. our military presence in the Pacific. our naval forces at Pearl Harbor.
General Custer's career came to a violent end when (1) (2) a prominent Sioux chief defeated his command in a now-famous battle. Sitting Bull massacred the Seventh Cavalry at the Little Big Horn.
2. Jargon. a. The greatest disadvantage of illness during the school year is (1) (2) b. getting behind in your studies. falling behind the power curve.
We need to complete this job quickly so (1) (2) the old man can prioritize his alternatives. the boss can set his priorities.
3. Gobbledygook. a. One criticism often directed at American society concerns (1) (2) our material possessory consciousness. our materialism.
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b.
We must work hard (1) (2) in order to attain maximum possible utilization of our personnel and equipment and timely, accurate, and cost effective accomplishment of institutional objectives. to make the best use of our people and equipment in getting the job done quickly, accurately, and economically.
4. Euphemism. a. Because towns in Arizona and Florida have become retirement communities, (1) (2) they tend to exhibit an escalated senior citizen expiration factor. old people die there in proportionally greater numbers.
b. Since Whipple's work for the firm had not been satisfactory, the boss told him that at the end of the month he would be (1) (2) fired. nonretained.
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D-1 SELF-EVALUATION AND FEEDBACK 1. a. b. 2. a. b. 3. a. b. 4. a. b. (2) is more specific. (2) is more specific. (1) avoids the trite "behind the power curve." (2) avoids the jargon "old man" and "prioritize." (2) is plainer English. (2) is plainer English. (2) is more direct. (1) is more direct.
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D-2 CONCISENESS IN DICTION ENABLING LEARNING OBJECTIVES A.02 ACTION: Identify sentences with incorrect diction. CONDITION: Given a series of sentences containing inconcise diction. Indicate your selections for each sentence as directed. STANDARD: At least 6 out of 9 correct. Additional Resources 1. Any college-level English handbook. 2. Any collegiate dictionary. CONCISENESS IN DICTION 1. Conciseness. Conciseness is not brevity! Brevity means simply keeping things short. Conciseness means being as brief as possible while communicating the idea completely. The danger in considering these words synonyms is that people achieve brevity by omitting support essential to clear understanding. The writer says less than he wants to and the reader may misunderstand him as a result. Being concise does not mean being incomplete, but means cutting out useless words, phrases, and sentences. The writer trims the fat so the reader can get right to the meat. This section deals only with conciseness in diction: at the word level. Other sections cover conciseness in sentences and paragraphs. Conciseness in diction concerns fighting three things: (1) word length, (2) wordiness, and (3) redundancy. 2. Word Length. Many writers seem to think that using long words makes them sound educated and intelligent. They try to impress with vocabulary. Good writers know better. They use short, ordinary words because they know that their readers will understand the words and, therefore, the ideas the words convey. Good writers impress people with ideas, not words.
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Sometimes short words will not express complex ideas. At such times we have to use long words. A writer can use long words when necessary and still be concise. Conciseness means as short as possible.
Rule #1. To achieve conciseness, use the shortest possible words to convey your meaning.
2. Wordiness. Wordiness simply means using too many words. Many times writers will use three or four words to say something when one word could do. This habit stems from failure to be specific. For example, "at this time" is wordier than "now." Wordiness wastes time -- both the writer's and the reader's time.
Rule #2. Delete unnecessary words.

3. Redundancy. Redundancy is a form of wordiness. It is simply saying the same thing, perhaps in different words, more than once. Redundancy appears everywhere: "a bicycle red in color"," absolutely never"," past history", and so on. Most redundancy appears because writers rely on cliches which have redundancies built in. We have two ways to eliminate this problem. First, use original phrases. Second, analyze the old cliches and take out the redundant parts. Both ways will better your writing, but the first way, although harder, will make the writing yours.
Rule # 3. Eliminate unintended redundancy.

Summary. To achieve conciseness in diction, you must: (1) (2) (3) use short words avoid wordiness delete redundancies
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D-2 CONCISENESS IN DICTION EXERCISES Indicate your selection for each sentence, as directed. 1. The sentences below present choices based on judgments about word length. In each sentence, circle the word or phrase that most concisely completes the idea. a. As a scholar, his influence has been (1) (2) b. ubiquitous in terms of its impact on the educational environment. widespread in education.
The ambitious student will (1) (2) know his instructors as well as he can. interface with instructional personnel within applicable parameters.
c.
We plan to colloquialize the ramifications of this agglomeration at the course's penultimate discuss the effects of this material at the course's next-to-last meeting.
(1) conjunction. (2)
2. The sentences below contain errors of redundancy in diction. In each sentence, circle at least two instances of such redundancy. a. The basic fundamentals are necessary to developing further in each and every skill area.
b. Please send us at once by return mail your proposed solution to this unjust and unfair policy practice. c. He gave a clear and lucid talk, which is what we expected in advance since he is first and foremost in his field. 3. In the sentences below, the italicized passages are wordy. Reduce such passages to one word by crossing out unnecessary words. a. The camp was in rather close proximity to the river.
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b. c. color.
Perhaps it is the case that the guest speaker has been unavoidably delayed. Over the years, the house will probably appreciate in value even though it is purple in
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D-2 SELF-EVALUATION AND FEEDBACK 1. a. b. c. 2. a. area." (2) is more concise. (1) is more concise. (2) is more concise. Redundancy errors: "basic fundamentals"; "developing further"; "each and every"; "skill Note that the language is also much simpler.
b. Redundancy errors: "at once by return mail"; "proposed solution"; "unjust and unfair"; "policy practice." c. 3. a. b. c. Redundancy errors: "clear and lucid"; "expected in advance"; "first and foremost." Wordiness error: "in rather close proximity." Wordiness error: "Perhaps it is the case that." Wordiness error: "appreciate in value"; "purple in color."
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D-3 COHERENCE IN DICTION ENABLING LEARNING OBJECTIVE A.03 ACTION: Identify sentences that contain errors in coherence and diction. CONDITION: Given a series of sentences containing coherence in diction. STANDARD: Identification must be correct in 5 of 7 sentences. Additional Resources 1. Any college-level English textbook. 2. Any collegiate dictionary. Coherence. Coherence literally means "sticking together." Coherence in diction, therefore, means that the words in a sentence are systematically connected to form a consistent statement. Although coherence sounds logical, most writers occasionally draft sentences containing phrases that undo what the writers try to communicate. You must avoid two things to eliminate this illogic from your writing: (1) mixed metaphors and (2) contradicting terms. Mixed Metaphors. A metaphor is a figure of speech which compares two things without the words like and as which are used in similes. Thus we talk of "self-inflicted wounds" when we do something which has a negative effect on whatever we're doing. Our language is rich in metaphors that help us communicate ideas. We use metaphors such as "the whole nine yards" and "slip through the cracks." These metaphors express complete concepts in a few words by creating familiar mental pictures. Mixed metaphors, on the other hand, occur when careless writers use one metaphor and then change to another. The readers get a mental picture of a concept, but it is a confused, often comical, picture. For example, an American politician was once described as turning a tide of patriotism into a landslide victory -- something of a geological miracle. Another example is the student who felt the Pentagon would reduce its appetite by biting the bullet. Unless you don't want to amuse your readers, often at your expense,
don't mix metaphors.

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Contradictory Terms. Contradictory terms are not as colorful as mixed metaphors, but they also make little sense. The error occurs when two words in the same sentence contradict each other. A mandatory elective is contradictory because a course can not be both mandatory and elective. Neither can something be more or less finished. It's either finished or it isn't. Contradictory terms indicate to the reader that the writer wasn't thinking about what he wrote. If the words are not logical, neither is the idea. The only way to correct this type of error is to proof your work carefully to
eliminate contradictions.
Summary. Coherent diction depends on two things: (1) (2) being sure your metaphors are correct. eliminating contradictions.
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D-3 EXERCISES COHERENCE IN DICTION 1. The sentences below contain mixed metaphors. Circle each error and, in the spaces below, rewrite the sentences so that the metaphor is coherent, with at least two out of three correct. a. Independence is a very friendly town where the welcome mat is always open.
b.
A virgin forest is a woodland where the hand of man has never set foot.
c.
The President is captain of the team that sails the ship of state.
2. Each sentence below contains one instance of contradictory terms. Circle the contradictory elements and, in the space below, rephrase the erroneous passage so that it is coherent, with at least three out of four correct. a. He is a fairly unique person in attaining such rapid success.
b.
Mayor Thompson worked hard to attain his present preeminence among his peers.
c. John Chancellor and several other reporters from major competing networks obtained an exclusive interview with the candidate.
d. The manager became rather furious at the staff for its poor work in preparing the recommendation.
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D-3 SELF-EVALUATION AND FEEDBACK 1. a. "the welcome mat is always open" should read: "the welcome mat is always out," or "the door is always open," or another acceptable metaphor. b. "the hand of man has never set foot" should read: "the hand of man has not been felt, seen," etc., or "man has never set foot," or another acceptable metaphor. c. "captain of the team that sails the ship of state" should read: "captain of the ship of state," or another acceptable metaphor. 2. a. "fairly unique" should read simply "unique" or "fairly unusual." Since "unique means singular, you're either unique or you're not. There are no degrees of uniqueness. b. "preeminence among his peers" should read simply "preeminence." Peers are equals; therefore, no one is preeminent among peers. c. "and several other reporters . . . exclusive interview" should omit the word "exclusive" because, according to the sentence, the network competition was not excluded from Mr. Chancellor's interview. d. "rather furious" is contradictory because fury is extreme anger, while "rather" implies mildness. Better is "rather angry" or just "furious", depending on what is meant.
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D-4 CORRECTNESS IN DICTION ENABLING LEARNING OBJECTIVES A.04 ACTION: Select correct diction. CONDITION: Given a series of sentences containing incorrect diction. STANDARD: IAW instruction at the beginning of each sentence. Additional Resources 1. Any college-level English text. 2. Any collegiate dictionary. CORRECTNESS IN DICTION Correctness. Correct diction depends on the mastery of several skills in addition to those studies in D-1 through D-3. Among these are (1) using connotation, (2) improving spelling, (3) avoiding triteness, and (4) eliminating slang. Failure to achieve these skills leads to failure of clear communication. Using Connotations. Most words have two dimensions: connotation and denotation. The denotation is the dictionary definition of the word. The denotation allows us to be very exact in our usage. On the other hand, connotations do not have cut-and-dried definitions. They are emotional reactions to words based on a person's or group's experience. The term "Wall Street," for example, denotes a specific New York City street, but it connotes (suggests) much more: big money, stocks, bonds, capitalism, etc. The denotation is correct, but so are the connotations. The connotations, in fact, may be much more revealing, even though they are implied. For this reason, a writer must be very sensitive to connotations as well as denotations. The reaction of a reader to your words could enhance your communication if the connotation works favorably, but the reader's reaction could break down communication if it is negative. To use diction effectively, a writer must be sensitive to the general connotation of words. This means you must know your audience and the effect your words will have.
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Rule #1 for correctness is be aware of connotations.

2. Improving Spelling. Misspelled words are unimpressive and they are unprofessional. No paper's argument is effective if there are misspellings, especially of common words. Reducing misspellings is relatively easy. Here are several steps you can take to strengthen your skills. (1) As you write, circle words you are not sure you spelled correctly. Check the spelling later; don't break your train of thought at that moment. (2) Use words you know how to spell. Using new or unfamiliar words is asking for trouble. (3) (4) (5) Proofread your writing once for nothing but spelling. Read your writing backwards. This makes you concentrate on isolated words. Use a dictionary. There's no shame in being careful.
(6) Carry a spelling dictionary. These are excellent tools for correcting spelling because they contain 20,000+ words. They do not, however, give definitions. (7) work. Ask someone else to read your paper. People can usually find errors in someone else's
(8) Use the spellchecker on your computer. Be aware that the spellchecker does not tell you if you used the right word.
The rule for correctness in spelling is spell accurately.

Avoid Triteness. Every once in a while we have a word or phrase that "catches our ear." Everyone seems to be using it, so we adopt it. The problem is that these expressions get old very fast. People grow tired of them. This expression makes the user seem lazy and unimaginative. "Have a nice day."
To avoid this problem, don't use trite expressions.
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Eliminating Slang. Slang is a collection of shoptalk, jargon, imprecise diction, and phrases. We all use slang in our informal speech, but it has no place in effective writing. Only those in the shop understand shoptalk; jargon is the language of the in-group and alienates the out-group; imprecise language causes misreadings; and fad phrases quickly go out of date. None of this makes writing effective. Moreover, slang tends to make our writing informal and unprofessional.
So the rule for using slang is "Not!".
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D-4 EXERCISES CORRECTNESS IN DICTION 1. Each sentence below contains an italicized word whose connotations make it unsuitable in the context given. In the spaces provided, write a word with more appropriate connotations, making no errors. a. He had recovered from the operation very slowly, and when he was released from the hospital he looked rather pale and lean. b. c. To heal a headache, most people take aspirin. Visitors to western Kansas are most impressed with the smoothness of the landscape.
2. The following pairs of words are among those most often misspelled in common usage. For each pair, and at first without consulting a dictionary, circle the correct or preferred spelling, with at least 50% accuracy. Be careful -- even professional editors sometimes miss these toughies. accomodate/accommodate traveller/traveler occurence/occurrence deceit/deciet judgment/judgement infrared/infra-red necessary/neccessary maintainance/maintenance irredescent/iridescent independance/independence inoculate/innoculate judicious/judiscious
3. The sentences below contain trite expressions. In each sentence, circle at least two such passages and, in the space below, write a phrase that expresses the same idea more directly. a. The lax discipline and low morale in the barracks had been a fly in the ointment of good performance for months; therefore, the commander was delighted when he saw a way to kill two birds with one stone. b. It's necessary in bringing new men aboard in your office to bring them up to speed as quickly as possible and let the chips fall where they may.
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c. The foreman's prejudice caused him to wear blinders in racial matters, and he was so close to the situation that he couldn't see the forest for the trees. 4. Each sentence below contains examples of jargon. Revise the sentences, thereby eliminating the jargon. a. The president tasked the committee with prioritizing the curriculum needs of the college and then interfacing with the faculty to design a new program.
b.
Utilize the XM376 wrench to remove the lug nuts from the wheels.
c. To realize our greatest potential we must maximize our efforts, prioritize out tasks, and not shoot ourselves in the foot along the way.
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D-4 SELF-EVALUATION AND FEEDBACK 1a. The word should connote ill health; e.g. frail, thin, underweight, skinny, etc. 1b. The word should connote internal, not surface, improvement: e.g. cure, etc. 1c. The word should connote a visual, not tactile, impression: e.g., flatness, openness, levelness, etc. 2. The correct or preferred spellings are: accommodate traveler occurrence deceit judgment infrared necessary maintenance iridescent independence inoculate judicious
3. The offending phrases are: a. "a fly in the ointment" (substitute "hindrance to"); "kill two birds with one stone" (substitute "solve both problems at once"). b. "bringing...aboard" (substitute "introducing"); "bring up to speed" (substitute "make them productive"); "let the chips fall where they may" (substitute "let things work themselves out"). c. "caused him to wear blinders" (substitute "limited his views"); "couldn't see the forest for the trees" (substitute "couldn't see the obvious"). 4. Jargon terms are: a. "tasked" (not a verb, substitute "assigned the committee the task of"); "prioritizing" (not a verb, substitute "putting in priority"); "interfacing" (not a verb, substitute "coordinating"). b. c. "Utilize" (pretentious, substitute "use"). "Maximize" "prioritize" (made-up jargon verbs); "shoot ourselves in the foot" (trite).
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D-R POLISHING DICTION ENABLING LEARNING OBJECTIVE A.05 ACTION: Identify errors in diction by name. CONDITION: Given a paragraph containing errors in diction. STANDARD: Identification must be at least 75% correct. A.06 ACTION: Identify the correct usage of words. CONDITION: Given a list of commonly misused words, this text, and a standard dictionary. STANDARD: Identification must be the correct usage 100% of the time. Additional Resources Same as for subordinate units.
Unit D-R is a review exercise. Therefore, the exercise on the next pages present problems representative of those you have worked with during the four subordinate units. You now have a choice: if you are confident of your skills in managing diction, you may turn immediately to the exercise and its self-evaluation and feedback sheet. Or, if you want to make the most of the entire section pertaining to problems in diction, you may review the subordinate units before completing the exercise. Look the exercise over to help you decide.
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D-R EXERCISES EDIT FOR DICTION The paragraph below contains several numbered and italicized errors in diction. Read the paragraph critically and then, in the spaces provided beneath, identify each error by number, with at least 9 out of 12 correct. Three of the spaces below require more than one correct answer. For the typical executive, the student year at the Business College of Delaware is (1) without a doubt one of the most rewarding of his professional career. Such (2) important significance is placed on his work at the College, that, if he succeeds, (3) he is surely certain to go on to other promotions. But if he is (4) other than successful, his career will likely be (5) dead as a doornail. The reasons are obvious. First, the curriculum (6) bridges a wide field of courses, from (7) highbrow marketing strategy offerings to (8) nuts-and-bolts supply classes. Second, the faculty is as (9) auspicious an assemblage of pedagogues as an College can gather, for their (10) pedantic expertise has been gained through considerable experience. Third, the physical facilities of the College are the best anywhere, as most (11) people enrolled in the College courses soon agree. And fourth, the associations each student forms with his colleagues will serve him for the rest of his (12) professional career. All these factors mean that a strong academic year is essential to further advancement. mixed metaphor pretentious diction or euphemism (Can you find two examples?) wordiness or redundancy (Can you find three examples?) slang, inappropriate metaphors, or triteness (Can you find three examples?) misspelling contradictory diction connotation error
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USING WORDS CORRECTLY The words below are sixteen of the most commonly misused words in government writing. Use any standard dictionary and write the most common (first) definition for each of the words below. 1. Vital 2. Critical 3. Essential 4. Imminent 5. Eminent 6. Affect 7. Effect 8. Impact 9. Unique 10. Author 11. Comprise 12. Compose 13. Capability 14. Ability 15. Appraise 16. Apprise
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D-R SELF EVALUATION AND FEEDBACK Correct responses: (6) (4) (9) (2) (3) (11) (5) (7) (8) (12) (1) (10) mixed metaphor pretentious diction or euphemism wordiness or redundancy slang, inappropriate metaphors, or triteness misspelling contradictory terms connotation error
1. Vital - Of or characteristic of life. Vital does not mean essential. 2. Critical - Tending to judge harshly. Critical doesn't mean essential either. 3. Essential - Indispensable. 4. Imminent - About to occur. 5. Eminent - Standing out above others. 6. Affect - To produce an effect. 7. Effect - Something brought about by an agent. 8. Impact - The striking of one body against another; collision. Impact means neither affect or effect. 9. Unique - Being the ONLY ONE. 10. Author - The writer of a document. Author is not a substitute for write. 11./12. whole. Comprise/Compose - The whole is composed of the parts: the parts comprise the
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13. Capability - The potential of being able. 14. Ability - Being able. 15. Appraise - To set value on. 16. Apprise - To give notice.
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NOTES
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S-1 CLARITY IN THE SENTENCE ENABLING LEARNING OBJECTIVE A.07 ACTION: Rewrite sentences to improve clarity. CONDITION: Given a series of sentences exhibiting errors in sentence clarity. STANDARD: Identification and correction must be at least 75% of the errors. Additional Resources Any college-level English handbook. S-1 CLARITY IN SENTENCES Although diction is important, none of us think, speak, or write individual words or phrases. Rather, we string the words and phrases together so they express complete units of statement called sentences. Sentences are the fundamental units of statement because they represent the "size" of an idea that the mind can comprehend in one mental motion. For this reason, sentences must be clear. Clarity in sentences depends on the development of three skills: (1) ensuring proper modifiers, (2) arranging sentence elements in logical order, and (3) shaping sentences to gain correct emphasis. The pitfalls you must avoid, then, are (1) misplaced modifiers, (2) illogical order, and (3) faulty emphasis. 1. Misplaced Modifiers. A modifier is a word or group of words (a phrase or clause) that in some ways alters the meaning of another word or word group to which it applies. For instance, in the sentence, "The American Army is now experimenting with a enlistment system based on recruiting volunteers," the following modifications occur. a. b. The adjective "American" modifies "Army," specifying which army we are discussing. The adverb "now" modifies "experimenting," telling when the experiment takes place.
c. The phrase "with an enlistment system" also modifies "experimenting" telling what is being experimented with. d. The word "enlistment" modifies the word "system" by describing the kind of system.
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With so many modifiers even in such a short sentence, it is clear that getting modifiers into the right position is essential to shaping clear sentences. When the writer fails to do so, he misplaces the modifier and the result is confusion. Compare the sentences below: I live in the quarters next to the football field with the red tile roof. I live next to the football field in the quarters with the red tile roof. The first sentence contains misplaced modifiers since it seems to describe a football field with a red tile roof. But the second sentence, with its modifications properly placed, reads well. If you want your sentences to have this kind of clarity, avoid misplaced modifiers.
Rule #1. Place the modifier as close as possible to the word or word group it modifies.
2. Illogical Order. The assumption behind the principle of logically ordering sentence elements is that, in most sentences, some patterns are better than others. If you know what you want your sentence to do, then you can choose the ordering system that best suits your purposes. For example, some orders are chronological (the elements arranged in a sequence in time). Others are spatial (the elements arranged according to their physical placement in space as described in the sentence). Still others are arranged in order of importance or rank (from most important to least important, or, for a climactic effect, from least important to most important). Other logical orders are also possible: causes leading to effect, items arranged by size or color, people arranged by sex or other classification, and so on. Which order is right for the elements of a given sentence depends, of course, on the content of the sentence and your intent as its author. But in any case, some order ought to prevail. The following sentences illustrate a few of the many possible principles for logically ordering sentence elements. a. Chronological. We had martinis before dinner, shrimp cocktails for appetizers, roast duck for dinner, strawberry crepes for desert, with Brandy Alexanders to top it all off. (Elements arranged in order of time). b. Spatial. The campus is rectangular, bordered by the mountains on the north, the river to the east, the highway on the south, and the town to the west. (Elements arranged by order in space). c. Importance. My valuable property includes our suburban home, the camp on the lake, two cars, a small boat, and a motorcycle. (Elements arranged in order if importance, from greatest to least). Such orders permit some latitude, but with restrictions. To arrange the elements in illustration c in the opposite order (least valuable to most valuable) would also be logical, orderly, and even
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climactic. And in illustration b, other orders would also be possible. But to arrange the elements in illustration a in any order but the one given would make much less sense.
Rule #2. Order sentence elements logically to achieve the appropriate emphasis.
3. Faulty Emphasis. Gaining maximum emphasis from your sentences depends largely on putting the ideas you want to stress in places where they will get the most attention. You may have a hint of this notion in the previous section, where the references to climactic order suggests that placing key ideas at the end of a series or at the end of a sentence makes them stand out. That technique does work: the most emphatic position in a sentence is its end; the second is the beginning; least emphatic is the middle. (This effect probably explains why most people like to get in the "last word" in an argument.) A sentence with this climactic order is called "periodic." But there are two other techniques of emphasis you need to note as well, and two corresponding errors you need to avoid. The first error is faulty subordination and involves getting your less important point(s) into your sentence's main clause and placing your most important idea(s) in its subordinate clause(s). To avoid this mistake you will need to recall the difference between two kinds of clauses, subordinate and main. You can introduce subordinate clauses by using (1) subordinating conjunctions (when, where, while, although, because, since, if, as) or (2) relative pronouns (who, whom, which, that). Main clauses need no introductory conjunctions and, therefore, can "stand alone" without these connective terms. The point to remember is that the idea you put in your subordinate clause will lose emphasis, and the idea you place in the main clause will gain emphasis. Look at the sentences below. When I was promoted to major, I was in Germany. When I was in Germany, I was promoted to major. The first sentence emphasizes not the promotion but that it took place in Germany. The second emphasizes not the location, but the promotion itself. In some cases, one idea in a sentence is so incidental to the other that emphasizing the first yields a ridiculous result, as the following case: The car hit a tree when he was killed. Finally, you can lose emphasis because of faulty coordination or by failing to use the most revealing conjunctions available to you. Subordinating conjunctions always reveal important relationships between the clauses they connect.
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I lost ten pounds when I went to Scout camp. (Time relationship) We will camp where the river meets the forest. (Space relationship) I'm hungry because I haven't eaten all day. (Cause-effect relationship) But using a less revealing coordinating conjunction, such as and (the most common connector in the language), the writer fails to state the connection as clearly, since and does not specify the important relationship between the clauses. I lost ten pounds, and I went to Scout camp. We will camp, and the river meets the forest. I'm hungry, and I haven't eaten all day.
The rule for clear sentences, then, is to arrange sentences for maximum emphasis. 1. Use periodic sentences for effect. 2. Choose a logical sentence order. 3. Seek maximum emphasis.
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S-1 EXERCISES CLARITY IN THE SENTENCE Each of the sentences below contains an error in sentence clarity. In each sentence, circle the erroneous phrasing and, in the space below, rewrite the sentence so that you improve its clarity. 1. Misplaced Modifiers. a. b. c. d. Falling into the ravine, my foot caught on an exposed root. I gave a bottle of the perfume to my wife that you recommended. The governor promised on his way home to read the report. The student needed someone to edit his papers badly.
2. Illogical Order. a. The professor earned his B.A. at Harvard, his Ph.D. at Columbia, his master's at Berkeley, and attended Boston Latin High School. b. The tornado swept through the town, destroying sixteen homes, killing three people, damaging several automobiles, and tearing down the powerlines on Main Street. c. Weather patterns generally move from west to east in the United States, bringing relatively dry winter air to the Midwest, dropping moisture from the Pacific onto the Rockies in the form of snow, and carrying precipitation from the Great Lakes area up into New York and New England. d. Several officials were captured in the earthquake -- including a janitor, a council member, two secretaries, and the mayor.
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3. Faulty Emphasis. a. Although we were outnumbered, we fought back hard, using everything we had learned in training and our few remaining resources. b. The enemy momentarily ceased fire when we escaped into the jungle.
c. The company was short about 100 staff personnel, and office work was not processed as quickly as it used to be. d. The senior was named best athlete on campus; he excelled at running, swimming, tennis, and touch football.
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NOTES
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S-1 SELF-EVALUATION AND FEEDBACK 1. a. The original sentence suggests that the speaker's foot, but not the rest of him, fell into the ravine. Better: "As I fell into the ravine, I caught my foot on an exposed root." Or: "Falling into the ravine, I caught my foot on an exposed root." b. c. home. The original sentence seems to say that the wife has been recommended. Better: "I gave my wife a bottle of perfume (that) you recommended. The original makes it hard to tell whether the promise or the reading occurs on the way
Better: "The governor promised to read the report on his way home." (The reading occurs on the way home.) Or: "On his way home, the governor promised to read the report." (The promise was made on the way home.) NOTE: In c above, correctness depends on which of the two meanings the writer desires to express. The original sentence implies that the student's papers need some bad editing. Better: "The student badly needed someone to edit his papers." (The adverb "badly" modifies the verb needed, not the verb edit.) 2. a. You should arrange the elements in this series in a chronological pattern: high school, college, master's, and Ph.D. For some purposes, you might prefer the reverse order, but chronologically would still govern the progression. b. You should arrange the elements in terms of relative importance. Other things being equal, an order of increasing importance would be the most dramatic and would include the downed powerlines, the damaged cars, the destroyed homes, and the dead people. c. Here, the natural order would be spatial, or geographical. Therefore, the west-to-east weather pattern suggests starting with the Pacific and Rockies, moving to the Midwest, and finishing with the East. d. The obvious order here is by rank, and again the climactic order or increasing importance (b above) is probably most effective. 3. a. The error in emphasis here arises from burying the main clause ("we fought back hard") in the middle of the sentence. A more emphatic sentence pattern would place the main idea at either the beginning or at the end of the sentence. Therefore: We fought back hard, using everything we had learned in training and our few remaining resources, although we were
d.
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outnumbered. Or: Using everything we had learned in training and our few remaining resources, although we were outnumbered, we fought back hard. b. In this sentence, the main idea is in the subordinate clause, and the subordinate idea is in the main clause. This arrangement is backward, emphatically, and you need to reverse it. Therefore: When the enemy momentarily ceased fire, we escaped into the jungle. c. The linking word, or conjunction, and does not clearly state the implied cause-effect relationship between the two main ideas of this sentence. A conjunction that underscores this causal relationship would lend more emphasis. Therefore: Because the post was short about 100 staff personnel, office work was not processed as quickly as it used to be. d. While this sentence is technically correct, the semicolon is not a very revealing connector. The statement would be clearer if you used a cause-effect conjunction, such as because or since, to subordinate the second clause.
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NOTES
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S-2 SENTENCE CONCISENESS ENABLING LEARNING OBJECTIVE A.08 ACTION: Identify and correct errors in sentence conciseness. CONDITION: Given a series of sentences containing errors in conciseness. STANDARD: Five out of seven correct. Additional Resources Any college-level English handbook. S-2 SENTENCE CONCISENESS Gaining conciseness in sentence structure is akin to gaining conciseness in diction (Unit D-2). In both cases the aim is to say as much as possible in as little space as possible. The difference is that in working for concise diction, you seek to substitute one word for several, while in sentences you try to eliminate whole phrases or clauses deemed useless. In the one case, you seek to preserve the single word that does the job; in the other, you delete the entire structure. The purpose of both techniques is, however, the same: to "write tight." Consider the following examples. A former high ranking officer wrote Version D. Version A. Having arrived beyond the borders of our province, I witnessed the weakened condition of this state and took the necessary steps to annex this territory to our Republic. (29 words) Arriving in Gaul, I saw what was needed and assumed control. (11 words) I arrived, looked about, and took possession. (7 words) I came, I saw, I conquered. (6 words) Caesar's message to the Roman Senate.
Version B. Version C. Version D.
In order to effectively attack empty clauses and phases, you probably need to know exactly what a clause or a phrase is. As you will recall from the previous unit, clauses come in two forms: main clauses and subordinate clauses. Since the main clause properly carries the main idea of a sentence, the subordinate clause (or clauses) is (are) more likely to be "deadwood" in need of pruning. You recognize subordinate clauses by their (1) subordinating conjunctions or (2) relative pronouns. If necessary, review the previous unit for a good grasp of the essentials of clauses.
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Phrases, like clauses also come in two forms: (1) prepositional phrases and (2) verbal phrases. A prepositional phrase includes, minimally, a preposition and its object: in Texas. It may also include other elements, such as adjective modifiers: in sunny Texas. A verbal phrase includes, minimally, a verbal element and its object: to play tennis. It may also include other elements, such as adverb modifiers: to play tennis vigorously. This quick sketch of clauses and phrases may help you recognize and eliminate useless ones in order to improve your sentence conciseness. You may be able to cut such deadwood from your sentences by common-sense analysis without relying on grammatical terms. But if you wish to pursue the grammatical approach further, get yourself a good English textbook. Whatever approach you adopt, remember that:
the rule for sentence conciseness is trim away deadwood phrases and clauses.
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S-2 EXERCISES SENTENCE CONCISENESS The sentences below exhibit errors in sentence conciseness (deadwood). In each sentence, cross out at least two deadwood phrases or clauses. 1. Support requirements must be predetermined in advance of actual need to get prompt attention at the earliest possible time. 2. Planning to orchestrate the upcoming activities ahead is an important function, in the most critical sense, of management. 3. By and large, most executives are honest people who try to live by the truth. 4. The exact definition of on-the-line police forces, in the true sense of the term, separates them from support forces, who play more of a behind-the-lines role. 5. Pressure from environmentalists who want to safeguard our natural resources has led auto manufacturers who build the nation's cars to add emission control devices to automobile engines. 6. The Volunteer Army, which is composed of soldiers who signed up willingly, has many new benefits that previously were not available to enlistees. 7. Since 1837, Victorian morality has held sway over the lives of almost all Englishmen with only a few exceptions.
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S-2 SELF-EVALUATION AND FEEDBACK The following phrases or clauses should be crossed out. 1. "in advance of actual need" "at the earliest possible time" 2. "to orchestrate the upcoming activities ahead" "in the most critical sense" 3. "By and large" "who try to live by the truth" 4. "in the true sense of the term" "who play more of a behind-the-scenes role" 5. "who want to safeguard our natural resources" "who build the nation's cars" 6. "which is composed of soldiers who signed up willingly" "that previously were not available to enlistees" 7. "the lives of" (optional) "with only a few exceptions"
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S-3 SENTENCE COHERENCE ENABLING LEARNING OBJECTIVE A.09 ACTION: Identify errors in sentence coherence and rewrite sentences to correct errors. CONDITION: Given a series of sentences containing errors in sentence coherence. STANDARD: Identification and correction of at least 75% of the errors. Additional Resources Any college-level English handbook. S-3 SENTENCE COHERENCE As you know from Unit D-3, coherence refers to the ability to "stick together," and you have seen how this principle applies in writing at the level of diction. In a similar way, coherence also improves sentences, just as clarity and conciseness do. When a sentence is coherent, its parts fit together properly, giving an overall effect of integration and unity. When sentence coherence breaks down, the parts of the sentence seem to run off in different directions. To attain good coherence at the level of sentence structure, you must attend to three potential problems: (1) faulty parallelism, (2) erroneous punctuation, and (3) excessive coordination. 1. Faulty Parallelism. Parallelism in writing means arranging similar ideas in similar grammatical constructions. Faulty parallelism occurs when a writer arranges in dissimilar grammatical constructions, making them appear less integrated (and the sentence less coherent) than they should be. Julius Caesar made use of parallel structures when he said, regarding his Gaelic conquests, "I came, I saw, I conquered." He arranged his point in three grammatically parallel subject-verb constructions. Another spectacular example is one of John Kennedy's inaugural sentences illustrated here schematically. Observe the parallels. Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, to assure the survival and the success of liberty at home and around the world. Your own use of parallelism probably will be less grand, but if you can recognize it in its complex form here, you can use it in more modest -- but effective -- forms in your own work.
For coherent sentences, then, use parallel structures.
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2. Erroneous Punctuation. Although we cannot cover the many punctuation problems thoroughly in a short space, we cannot ignore their effect on sentence coherence. The punctuation guide on page 4-49 gives examples of the most common punctuation. Even so small a matter as a comma can actually reverse the statement a sentence makes, as shown by the example below. The Democrats say the Republicans will win the election. The Democrats, say the Republicans, will win the election. The three punctuation errors most damaging to sentence structure and sense are the comma splice, the fused sentence, and the omission. A comma splice is easy to understand and avoid if you recall again the definition of a main clause from Unit S-11: a main clause makes a complete statement without a subordinating conjunction or relative pronoun. Since their statements are complete, main clauses require fairly strong end punctuation: a period, colon, semicolon, exclamation point, or question mark -whichever is appropriate. A comma splice occurs when a writer splices two main clauses in the same sentence with only a comma, a relatively weak punctuation mark, that fails to show correctly the relationship of the clauses it separates. The sentences below illustrate a comma splice and two typical solutions to it. Wrong: The Godfather was a highly successful book and movie, it made Mario Puzo a rich man. Right: The Godfather was a highly successful book and movie. It made Mario Puzo a rich man. (A period replaces the comma.) Right: The Godfather was a highly successful book and movie; it made Mario Puzo a rich man. (A semicolon replaces the comma.) The fused sentence occurs when the writer runs two or more sentences or independent clauses together with no punctuation or conjunction to clarify their relationship to one another. Thus, he has joined grammatical elements, but their real integration is unclear. Consider the following case. Wrong: Ellen Godfrey types all her papers she gets good grades. Does the sentence imply that students who type their work earn better grades, or does it mean that better students take the trouble to type their work? The deficient punctuation (and grammar) of the fused sentence doesn't tell. The correction involves providing both punctuation and a cause-effect conjunction.
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Right: Because Ellen Godfrey types all her papers, she gets good grades. Omission takes place when the writer runs two sentences or independent clauses together so that one word somewhere in the middle seems to belong to both parts. In the process, he omits the punctuation and some necessary wording as below: Wrong: I need to have some work done on my car's engine makes grinding noise and has lost a lot of oil. To solve the problem, you must provide the correct punctuation and missing words. Right: I need to have some work done on my car's engine; it makes grinding noise and has lost a lot of oil.
The rule for coherent sentences is avoid punctuation errors.

3. Excessive Coordination. Excessive coordination is a common malady among developing writers that is relatively simple to cure with proper attention. Plainly stated, the error consists of having too many ands and buts in a sentence, so that it seems to run on and on in a connected, but disorganized, fashion. The cause is usually a desire to write longer sentences, combined with insufficient experience in structuring them successfully. If you are a parent you will recognize a parallel between this phenomenon and the speech patterns children manifest as they develop their language abilities. The child's first sentences are simple ones, but the very next structure he discovers is the succession of sentences (or clauses) linked together with ands and buts. Writers pass through a similar phase at some point in their development of style, and all of us occasionally lapse back into it, especially when speaking. You should keep two alternatives in mind. First, be content to write short sentences. Long ones are not necessarily better. Second, try to use more subordinate clauses, introduced by subordinating conjunctions and relative pronouns in place of main clauses. You'll gain both variety and clarity, as well as a more mature style. In either case, you'll follow the rule for coherent sentence structure:
avoid excessive coordination.

In conclusion, then, the ways to attain sentence coherence are as follows: 1. Use parallel structures. 2. Correct erroneous punctuation. 3. Avoid excessive coordination.
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SIMPLIFIED PUNCTUATION This guide covers the most common uses of the punctuation marks we use most of the time. Punctuation is the visible indication of the pauses we normally use when we say something. For example, commas indicate a pause while periods, question marks, and exclamation marks indicate a full stop. Of course, when there is no punctuation mark, there is no pause. Commas are one of the most used and misused forms of punctuation. Sometimes we tend to overuse them. This slows down the reader. Read the sentence below, pausing mentally when there is a comma. OVERPUNCTUATED: Yesterday, a jittery, young, teacher, in a wrinkled suit, reported to our school. REVISED: Yesterday, a jittery young teacher in a wrinkled suit reported to our school. The second version of the sentence reads much faster, doesn't it? Use commas: 1. Between two main clauses joined by and, or, but, nor, for, yet, or so (coordinating conjunctions). EXAMPLE: The art of aircraft design is constantly developing, but technology has accelerated the change. 2. Between a dependent and an independent clause. EXAMPLE: Because I jumped late, I missed the jump zone. 3. After an introductory word or phrase. EXAMPLE: In any case, Science was my choice of subject. 4. Between items in a series. EXAMPLE: Be sure to bring a tent, a sleeping bag, food for four days, and an extra pair of boots. 5. To set off an interrupting element. EXAMPLE: The speaker, an retired Army officer, paused for questions.
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End punctuation usually doesn't cause as much confusion. The three types of end punctuation and their usage are listed below: 1. The period ends declarative sentences, indirect questions, and orders. 2. The question mark indicates a query. 3. The exclamation mark shows emotion. Use it sparingly and only once for each sentence! There are three other punctuation marks that cause problems -- the dash, the colon, and the semi-colon. Each of them is discussed below. 1. The dash is used interchangeably with the colon. The dash indicates a sudden change or break in thought. Like the exclamation point, you should use the dash sparingly. Remember, you need to use a double dash (--) when you're typing so the reader doesn't mistake it for a hyphen (-). EXAMPLE: One thing I will not tolerate in physical training --quitting. 2. The colon introduces a list if the introductory statement is a complete thought. EXAMPLE: Four students scored 100 on the last English test: Vanessa Jones,Kelly Greene, Linda Ahrndt, and Theresa Cherry. 3. The semi-colon has two uses. You can use it to join two closely-related sentences without a conjunction and in a series when one or more of the items requires a comma. EXAMPLE: The road to excellence is long and hard; only those with dedication can survive it. The three key people in my life at college are Ron Cuny, the university president; Cindy Weber, the choral director; and Lori Kahn, the Science Department chairperson. For more information on punctuation, see The Writing Guides on the CGSC homepage underOrganizations/Development and Assessment Division/Writing Assignment.
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S-3 EXERCISES SENTENCE COHERENCE The sentences below are weakened by errors in sentence coherence. In each sentence, identify one such error, and in the space below, rewrite the faulty passage. 1. Faulty Parallelism a. A successful lawyer should demonstrate courage and honesty as well as having ambition.
b. Johnny Jacobs, in his free time, liked to attend auctions, work on his antique car, and refinishing furniture.
c. We soon learned that the chief executive officer was intelligent, industrious, and has a strong sense of commitment.
d.
Quickly, efficiently, and with neatness, he repaired the broken radio.
2. Erroneous Punctuation. a. Writing skills are critical to career advancement, correct sentence structure is part of the process.
b. Once an Eagle is a military novel it spans a period from World War I to the Korean conflict.
c. The University of Missouri provides an excellent education, a young man or woman can hardly do better.
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d. General Patton was known for his exuberant language probably helped make him our most famous modern general.
3. Excessive Coordination a. American drama began on the stage and moved to the big screen and then television and who can tell what its next form will be.
b. The front door to the house was locked and I tried the back one and it was too so I knocked on the window and could see no one inside.
c. Losing weight is difficult and takes willpower and dieting and time and probably exercise also will help.
d. I wanted to go to college, but my family was poor, but that didn't stop me but I received little help from my parents.
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S-3 SELF-EVALUATION AND FEEDBACK 1. a. b. c. 2. a. b. c. ". . . courage, honesty, and ambition." ". . . attend auctions, work on his antique car, and refinish furniture." ". . . intelligent, industrious, and committed." Replace the comma with a period or semicolon. After "novel," insert a period or semicolon. Replace comma with a period or semicolon.
d. After "language," insert a period or semicolon and the word it (or an acceptable alternative). 3. For this selection, the sentences need to be rewritten with fewer ands and buts. Your solutions should resemble the samples below but need not be identical. a. American drama began on the stage, moved to the big screen, and then graduated to television. Who can tell what its next form will be? b. Since the front door to the house was locked, I tried the back one, and, because it too was locked, I knocked on the window even though I could see no one inside. c. Because losing weight is difficult, it takes willpower, dieting, time, and exercise.
Even better: Losing weight is difficult because it takes willpower, dieting, times, and exercise. Or: Losing weight takes willpower, dieting, times and exercise.) d. Although my family was poor and my parents were unable to help me, I wanted to go to college so badly that I wouldn't be stopped.
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S-4 SENTENCE CORRECTNESS ENABLING LEARNING OBJECTIVE A.10 ACTION: Rewrite sentences to correct errors. CONDITION: Given a series of sentences containing errors in sentence correctness. STANDARD: At least 75% identified and corrected. Additional Resources Any college-level English handbook. S-4 Sentence Correctness Correctness in sentence structure, as the term implies, is a stricter matter than most of the other principles you have worked with in previous units. Consequently, there are fairly definite rules (chiefly grammatical) covering questions of correct usage. Obviously, this unit cannot encompass English grammar broadly, but we can point out some of the most common errors with the aim of helping you avoid them. Four of these frequent troublemakers appear below. 1. Agreement of Subject and Verb. Agreement is the grammatical relationship between the subject and the verb of any sentence. It simply means that a sentence with a singular subject must have a singular verb, and a plural subject, a plural verb. The key to subject-verb agreement, then, is to locate the subject of a particular clause rather than some other noun in an intervening phrase. The Chairman with the board members is inspecting the Melbourne plant. (Singular) Every one of the people has his orders. (Singular) Frank James and Pat Smith are foremen. (plural) Either Frank James or Pat Smith is on the night shift. (singular)
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Economics is a difficult course. (plural form but singular meaning) There are seven ways to approach this task. (expletive + verb + subject)
Rule #1 Be sure your subject(s) and verb(s) agree in number.

2. Agreement of Pronoun and Antecedent. Although most pronouns and antecedents match easily, trouble arises in cases where the writer misunderstands the singular/plural status of the noun. The nouns each and everyone (or everybody) are the most common examples of this problem. Each is really singular (as suggested in the phrase each one) and takes a singular verb and a singular pronoun where required. Thus, Each should submit his report by noon. In the same way everyone is another form of every one and also requires a singular verb, as in Everyone was given his share of supplies. The error rate on these terms is very high, so you can distinguish yourself by using them correctly. The rule for sentence correctness, therefore, is:
make your pronouns and antecedents agree.

3. Fragment. A sentence fragment, as the term suggests, is a piece of a sentence used as if it were a whole sentence. Often it is a subordinate clause, complete with subordinating conjunction or relative pronoun, but capitalized and otherwise set off just like a complete sentence. Of course, it doesnt read correctly in this form, but it might read well if it were attached to the preceding sentence. Examples follow. Most executives are cosmopolitan. Because theyve traveled a lot. I returned the wallet to its owner. Which was right. You can write these sentences correctly as: Most executives are cosmopolitan, because theyre traveled a lot. I returned the wallet to its owner, which was the right thing to do. In other instances, the fragments are not easily identifiable grammatical units (like clauses) but are merely bits of sentences set off by themselves. The fireman wore suspenders. Red ones.
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Since every sentence, by definition, must have at least one subject and one verb, the words Red ones are not a sentence. Although you will see fragments, such as both of these types, in some forms of fiction and journalism, you should avoid them in formal military writing. For correct sentences, then,
the rule is avoid fragments.

4. Case. Since the development of modern English about 1600, we have had relatively little use for case endings on words. Few endings remain in use today and these generally present few problems. In fact, only two case difficulties seem to recur. The first is the failure to use the possessive adjective (his, her, its, our, your, their) with gerunds. The reason you need the possessive form is that a gerund is an ing form of a verb used as a noun. Therefore, gerunds it can be possessed as can be any other noun. Remember that gerunds are verbs ending in ing, but used as nouns, and youll have no trouble applying the possessive. His drinking hurts everybody. Drinking ends in ing, and is used as a noun. Because drinking is the subject of the sentence, its pronoun takes the possessive: his. Using him would be wrong. He resents our winning the tournament. Winning ends in ing, is used as a noun (direct object of the verb resent), and takes the possessive form our. Using us would be wrong. Im tired of his singing. Alternatively: Im tired of Jacks singing.) Singing ends in ing, is used as a noun (the object of the preposition of), and takes the possessive his or Jacks. Using Jack would be wrong. The second frequent failure in case involves confusion over when to use who (or whoever) and whom or whomever). But this problem can be resolved by your remembering (note use of a possessive with a gerund) that the whom form has only two uses: as object of a verb or as object of a preposition. The object of a verb is the person or thing the verb affects. When the action applies to one of these two pronouns, the choice is always whom. For example: I escorted Senator Hightower today. (The action, escorting, applies to Senator Hightower so he is the verbs object.) Whom did you escort today? (The pronoun substitutes for the noun Senator, so it becomes the object of the verb and must be whom, not who.)
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The object of a preposition is the person or thing following the preposition to which the preposition applies. I appealed to the manager for assistance. (The preposition to applies to manager, so manager is the object of the preposition.) To whom did you appeal? (The pronoun substitutes for the noun manager, so it becomes the object of the preposition and must be whom, not who. Get these two usages firmly in mind, then use who in all other cases, and youll never commit this error again.
The rule is, be sure you use the correct case.

In summary, correctness in sentence structure requires mastering the basic skills below: 1. Make subjects and verbs agree. 2. Make pronouns and antecedents agree. 3. Avoid sentence fragments. 4. Use the correct case.
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S-4 EXERCISES SENTENCE CORRECTNESS The sentences below contain errors in sentence correctness. In each sentence, circle one error and write your correction in the space provided at the end. 1. Agreement: Subject and Verb. a. b. The number of people attending the meeting are greater than expected. Two-thirds of the report are finished.
2. Agreement: Pronoun and Antecedent. a. b. Everyone should leave their equipment on the truck. Each of us was asked to bring our own lunch.
3. Fragment. a. The new Senator is Altus Hightower. Whoever he is.
b. Congress is now considering further reductions in military benefits. Whereas ten years ago our benefits were more secure. 4. Case. a. b. c. Mister Stone disliked us telling him how to do his job. Us jogging proves that we all have time to keep fit. I object to him directing the competition.
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d. e. f.
Who are we promoting today? Who did you get that letter from? You may choose whomever you want to assist you.
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NOTES
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S-4 SELF-EVALUATION AND FEEDBACK 1. a. b. 2. a. b. 3. a. b. 4. a. b. c. d. e. f. is is his his (The subject of the sentence is number. Number is singular.) (The two-thirds is considered one measure.) (Everyone is singular.) (Each is singular.)
Altus Hightower, whoever he is. (Avoid the fragment.) benefits, whereas (Avoid the fragment.) our telling (Telling is a gerund.) Our jogging (Jogging is a gerund.) his directing (Direction is a gerund.) Whom (The pronoun is the verbs object.) Whom (The pronoun is the object of the preposition from.) whomever (The pronoun is the verbs object.)
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S-5 ACTIVE WRITING ENABLING LEARNING OBJECTIVE A.11 ACTION: Identify passive sentences and rewrite them as active sentences. CONDITION: Given a series of sentences. STANDARD: At least 80% identified and correctly rewritten. Additional References Any college-level English textbook. S-5 Active Writing Effective writers use active writing whenever possible. Using active writing will make your correspondence clearer and more direct. Use passive writing, the opposite of active writing, only rarely. Since most of you are not English grammarians, you probably have four questions about active and passive writing. First, what is active writing? Second, why does business prefer active writing over passive writing? Third, how do I identify passive writing? Finally, how do I change passive writing over active writing? The explanation of active writing and how to find passive writing (questions 1 and 3 above) are almost the same, so we can explain both at the same time. The key to whether your writing is active or passive is the verb. Passive writing must have some form of the verb to be and the past participle of the main verb. Active writing uses only one of three main forms of the verb past, present, or future. To put it in simpler terms, passive writing contains one of the following verbs: am, is, are, was, were, be, being, or been. Additionally, the main verb will end in d, ed, en, or t. The example below shows a passive sentence. PASSIVE: The doe and the fawn were seen by the boys. Were, the helping verb, is not an action; it is a state of being. When combined with the past participle of the main verb, seen, the action becomes passive. Now look at the same sentence in active writing>
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ACTIVE: The boys saw the doe and the fawn. This sentence has no helping verb and saw is an action. Therefore, the verb and the sentence are active. The answer to question 1 is, therefore, active writing has verbs that express action. To identify passive writing (question 3), look for a form of the verb to be followed by the past participle of the verb. Now lets look at why business prefers active writing over passive writing, question 2. Passive writing is neither bad nor ungrammatical in itself. Passive writing is a correct form of English. There will be times when you will want to or have to use passive writing. The problem with passive writing is it becomes habit, and we tend to overuse it. The nature of passive writing and the overuse of it is why business prefers writers use active writing. Look at the two examples above. If you count the words, one thing is immediately apparent active writing is shorter. It takes fewer words to be direct. Next, look at the subjects of the two sentences. In the first, the subjects are the doe and the fawn: in the second, the subject is boys. Ask yourself which of the two subjects did the action. The boys, of course, did the seeing. Active writing is less vague because it shows the actor doing the action. Another, related problem with passive writing is the writer can omit the actor completely. For example, you can omit the phrase by the boys from the passive sentence and still have a grammatical sentence. The reader of the message may want to know who saw the doe and the fawn. If the writer omitted the actor, the reader cant find the answer to his question. Active writing keeps the actor in the sentence. Finally, passive writing leads to grammatical problems such as dangling modifiers. Lets add some information to the examples and see what happens. PASSIVE: Flying over the city, the buildings were seen by the pilot. ACTIVE: Flying over the city, the pilot saw the buildings. Flying over the battlefield, the modifying phrase, modifies the subject of both sentences. Therefore, in the passive sentence the buildings are flying. This, we hope, is not the case. In the active sentence, the phrase modifies pilot, the word it should modify. Active writing avoids grammatical errors. To summarize the answer to question 2, business prefers active writing because it is shorter and less vague. It also retains the actor and avoids grammatical problems.
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This just leaves one question to answer; How do you change passive writing to active writing? From the examples above, you may have already figured out the answer. To change passive writing to active writing, make the actor the subject of the sentence and use the proper form of the main verb as the action of the sentence. EXAMPLES: The letter was typed by Cheryl. (passive) Cheryl typed the letter. (active) It was discovered by Ellen that the computer was stolen by Mr. Rolfe. (passive) Ellen discovered that Mr. Rolfe stole the computer. (active)
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S-5 EXERCISES ACTIVE WRITING Some of the sentences below are passive. Identify are passive. Identify which sentences are passive and change them to active sentences. 1. It was decided by the scoutmasters that a formal awards ceremony would be held by the troops every quarter.
2. The chief executive officer presented his plan for the expansion last month.
3. Ellen was warned by Mr. Norris about being late for work.
4. The new weight training program was very strenuous.
5. When they prepare term papers, many famous authors are quoted by students.
6. When vagueness is wanted, passive writing is used by writers.
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NOTES
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S-5 SELF-EVALUATION AND FEEDBACK 1. This sentence is passive. There are, in fact, two passive verbs was decided and would be held. Our suggested rewrite is below. The scoutmasters decided that the troops would hold a formal awards ceremony every quarter. 2. This sentence is not passive. The verb presented is in the simple past tense. The sentence does not contain a form of the verb to be. 3. This sentence is passive. The passive verb is was warned. ACTIVE: Mr. Norris warned Ellen about being late for work. 4. This sentence is not passive. There is a to be verb (was), but there is no past participle. Passive sentences must have both a to be verb AND the past participle. 5. This sentence is passive. In fact, the use of a passive verb has created a dangling modifier. When they prepare term papers must modify the subject of the sentence. In the passive, the subject is authors. While famous authors may write term papers (although this is unlikely), it is doubtful that they quote students. Students are the actors in the sentence. When the sentence is active, the modifying phrase modifies the actor. ACTIVE: When they prepare term papers, students quote many famous authors. 6. This sentence is also passive. Like the first sentence, it contains two passive verbs is wanted and is used. The writer omitted the actor entirely for is wanted. Fortunately, you can determine the actor: the actor is the same for both words. ACTIVE: When writers want vagueness, they use passive writing. or Writers use passive voice when they want vagueness.
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S-R EDITING SENTENCES ENABLING LEARNING OBJECTIVE A.12 ACTION: Identify and correct errors in sentences. CONDITION: Given a series of sentences with common errors. STANDARD: Fifteen of twenty answers correct. Same as for subordinate units. Unit S-R is a review exercise. Therefore, the exercise on the next page presents problems representative of those you have worked with during the four subordinate units. For this reason, you now have a choice. If you are confident of your sentence skills, you may turn directly to the exercise and its self-evaluation and feedback sheet. Or, if you want to review the four subordinate units on the sentence, you may do so before completing the exercise. Look the exercise over to help you make your decision.
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S-R TEST EDITING SENTENCES Most of the sentences below contain common errors. Correct the sentences as needed. Remember, not every sentence has an error. 1. The coach, as well as the players, were happy with the victory.
2. Each of the individuals need assistance.
3. John went with Bill to the races where he won $1,500.
4. He had a slight heart attack, but after a months rest, it was good as ever.
5. Everyone should be allowed to speak their own mind.
6. In chapter one of the book, General MacArthur accepts his first command, but in chapter three, he resigned it.
7. Jim often studies in the library where you can find peace and quiet.
8. As the boys approached the swamp, frogs could be heard croaking.
9. The author claims the revolt was caused by the corruption in the first chapter.
10. One should try to, if at all possible, read one book every week.
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11. Neither he nor I found any problems during the inspection.
12. Our boss never has and never will approve a vacation extension.
13. The population of Houston is greater than New Orleans.
14. Early Nebraska settlers found sod houses were warmer in winter.
15. The biography of George Washington is interesting, lively, and provides a great deal of information.
16. John dislikes the Navy, however, he has decided to stay in until he can retire.
17. My secretary was unwilling to testify, he was afraid of the defendant.
18. The selection of the committee on academic excellence was chosen by the students.
19. Before starting the marathon, my shoes had to be changed.
20. We dont know which one, but either Woodward or Smith was guilty.
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S-R SELF-EVALUATION AND FEEDBACK 1. REVISION: The coach, as well as the players, was happy with the victory. EXPLANATION: The original verb, were, does not agree in number with subject, coach. The intervening phrase doesnt affect the verb. 2. REVISION: Each of the individuals needs assistance. EXPLANATION: Each is a singular indefinite pronoun and needs a singular verb. 3. REVISION: John went with Bill to the races where Bill won $1,500. EXPLANATION: Actually, you could have revised this sentence in several ways. The problem in the original sentence was the pronoun he could refer to either Bill or John. You need to make it clear to the reader who won the money. 4. REVISON: He had a slight heart attack, but after a months rest, his heart was as good as ever. EXPLANATION: The pronoun it in the original sentence referred to an implied but unexpressed noun (heart). In that sentence, the heart attack was as good as ever. 5. REVISION: Everyone should be allowed to speak his or her own mind. or People should be allowed to speak their own mind. EXPLANATION: Everyone is singular and must have a singular pronoun. The first revision shows the pronoun their replaced with his or her. The second revision retains their but replaces everyone with people, making both the antecedent and the pronoun plural. Either way avoids sexism. 6. REVISION: In chapter one of the book General MacArthur accepts (or accepted) his first command, but in chapter three he resigns (or resigned) it. EXPLANATION: Both verbs must be in the same tense. Either both must be past or both must be present. 7. REVISON: Jim often studies in the library where he can find peace and quiet. EXPLANATION: The original sentence had a shift in person. Jim is third person and you is second person. To be in agreement, the pronoun must also be third person (he).
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8. REVISON: As the boys approached the swamp, they could hear frogs croaking. EXPLANATION: In the original sentence, there was a shift in voice from active to passive. The writer also left out the actors. 9. REVISION: In the first chapter, the author claims the revolt was caused by corruption. EXPLANATION: In the original sentence, the revolt was caused by the corrupt first chapter. Actually, the problem resulted from a misplaced modifier. The phrase in the first chapter needs to be closer to the word it modifies (claims). 10. REVISIONS: One should try, if at all possible, to read one book every week. EXPLANATION: Here is the dreaded split infinitive. Dont put anything between the to and the verb it goes with UNLESS it would be awkward to do anything else. 11. This sentence is correct as written. Although you might write it differently than we did, there are no errors. 12. REVISION: Our boss never has approved and never will approve a vacation extension. EXPLANATION: In the original sentence, never has and never will share the verb approve, but the same form of the verb will not work for both. Never has is past tense and needs the past tense approved. 13. REVISION: The population of Houston is greater than that of New Orleans. EXPLANATION: The original sentence compares an apple (population) to an orange (Houston). Comparisons must compare equal elements. That, in the revision, refers to the population of Houston. 14. REVISION: Early Nebraska settlers found sod houses were warmer than log cabins in winter. EXPLANATION: The original sentence is incomplete. The comparison is incomplete. 15. REVISION: The biography of George Washington is interesting, lively, and informative. EXPLANATION: The qualities of the biography in the original sentence are not presented in parallel form. Interesting and lively are adjectives; provides a great deal of information is not.
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16. REVISION: John dislikes the Navy; however, he has decided to stay in until he can retire. EXPLANATION: The original sentence contained a comma splice. You cant join two main clauses with a comma. Either use a semi-colon as above, or split the sentence into two sentences. 17. REVISION: My secretary was unwilling to testify; he was afraid of the defendant. EXPLANATION: Another comma splice. Notice that the revised sentence does not have a conjunction this time. You can connect two closely related sentences with just a semicolon. 18. REVISION: The committee on academic excellence was chosen by the students. EXPLANATION: The original sentence just doesnt make sense. It says the selection was chosen by the students. 19. Before starting the marathon, I had to change my shoes. EXPLANATION: Before starting the marathon has nothing to modify in the original sentence. It is dangling modifier. The actor (the changer) was lost in the passive construction. 20. We really dont care whos guilty. The sentence is correct as written.
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Section II. Paragraphs P-1 TYPES OF PARAGRAPHS ENABLING LEARNING OBJECTIVES A.13 ACTION: List the three types of paragraphs found in argumentative paper and identify the introductory statements, controlling idea, plan step, and concluding statement. CONDITION: Given an unparagraphed sample argumentative paper, this text, ad ST 22-2. STANDARD: 100% accuracy. Additional Resources Any college-level English handbook. A DIGRESSION Having completed the units on diction and sentences, you are now ready to proceed to the basic unit of discourse, the paragraph. While a paragraph may stand by itself, that is, contain a central idea and sufficient evidence and analysis of that evidence to convince the reader of that one idea, you will find it helpful first to obtain a general view of the types of paragraphs and how they interrelate. Turn for a moment to the layout of the persuasive paper that you will find inside the back cover of this booklet. A major advantage in using the layout of the persuasive paper is that it gives you organization; this will leave you free to concentrate on the content the thoughts, and the evidence in your paper. Note that you will be using three types of paragraphs: the Introductory Paragraph, at least two or three Development Paragraphs, and a Concluding Paragraph. A fourth type of paragraph used in longer papers is known as the Transition Paragraph, but it is beyond the scope of this instruction. Although we use the persuasive paper layout to illustrate the types of paragraphs and their relationships, you can readily see that the same relationship applies when writing an informative paper, a memorandum for record, a letter, or other persuasive papers. THE INTRODUCTORY PARAGRAPH The first paragraph of any paper should be introductory. Here the writer attempts to accomplish two things. He wants to arouse the readers interest and to present, in a miniature, the logical structure of the paper. The reason for these goals is twofold. First, a paper with no reader is useless. Therefore, a writer must present his idea in such a way as to keep the reader reading. The first few sentences will assist the writer in creating this interest; they are called introductory statements. Second, is the reader has a preview of the logical structure of the paper,
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he will more easily follow its development as he reads. The logic, if sound, will predispose him to accept the argument. A variety of ways exists to accomplish these two tasks, but, in the persuasive paper, the writer may feel confident of his introduction if by the end of the first paragraph he has told the reader (1) the proposition he intends to argue and (2) how he intends to argue it. This statement of proposition becomes the controlling idea (the bottom line) of the paper. A brief statement of the major support groups for the controlling idea often provides a good way to reveal the plan in what is known as the plan step. As an option you may want to conclude your introductory paragraph with a transition statement, although this is not always necessary because your plan step, the summary of the major ideas of your development paragraphs (terms explained below), may be sufficient. Immediately following the introductory paragraph will come the first development paragraph. THE DEVELOPMENT PARAGRAPHS Each development paragraph generally starts with a statement, called a topic sentence, which summarizes the major group of ideas. The evidence and analysis in the paragraph should persuade the reader to accept the topic sentence as a valid premise. In this type of paragraph, the writer attempts three things. First, he strives for a focus that relates logically to the controlling idea. This focus, expressed in the topic sentence, should stand as one reason for the reader to accept the controlling idea. A muddy focus that does not logically support the controlling idea will cause the reader either to lose track of the argument or to question its validity. The writers second task is to present evidence logically supporting the topic sentence of the paragraph. Evidence should not to be confused with opinion. Whether drawn from personal experience or outside sources, evidence should be concrete and specific. Such evidence provides the reader with reasons to accept the topic sentence as a valid premise in a logical argument. It is the inclusion of sound evidence, along with logical organization, that appeals to the readers intellect. The writers third task is a corollary to the introduction of evidence. Because the same body of evidence may logically support opposing conclusions, the writer must explain why the evidence supports his particular premise. This explanation is sometimes called analysis, and no development paragraph is complete without some type of analysis. For each item of evidence, the writer must explain its relevance to the argument. Like everything else which has a beginning (topic sentence) and a middle (evidence and analysis of that evidence the support of your argument), a the development paragraph should have an end. And there are two kinds of ending: (1) You may want to restate your topic sentence (that is, summarize) or (2) you may want to provide a transition to your next development paragraph. For an example of this technique, see the last sentence in the discussion of The Introductory Paragraph above. It is an example of such a transition.
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THE CONCLUDING PARAGRAPH The final paragraph of any paper should act as the concluding paragraph. In function, this paragraph structurally complements the introduction. Because readers tend to remember what they read last, you want to summarize your argument so that the reader can carry it away in its entirety. A good conclusion should accomplish three tasks: First, it should restate the overall contention of the entire paper (your controlling idea). Second, it should also contain a brief summary of the major ideas leading up to the conclusion (your plan step). This restatement or repetition should emphasize the soundness of the papers logic. Note that it does not matter in which order you restate your controlling idea and your plan step. Restate them, not necessarily verbatim, in whichever order you find most comfortable and effective. Third, the inclusion of a closing statement constitutes the final task. The writers intent will determine the nature of this statement. It may make a plea for future action or point up possible consequences of inaction, or it may refer to one of your introductory statements in order to frame your argument. In any case, the concluding statement provides the writer with a graceful exit from his argument. PARAGRAPH RELATIONSHIPS What relates your paragraphs to each other are your controlling idea and the topic sentences of your development paragraphs. A similar subrelationship exists between your evidence and analysis and your topic sentences. The controlling idea will ordinarily be the most general idea of your argument. The premises contained in your topic sentences are the next most general in nature, and your evidence and analysis are the most specific. One way to test your argument, therefore, is to consider logical relationships. While you constantly use inductive and deductive reasoning in constructing any argument, formal logic instruction is beyond the scope of this lesson. The key relationship in all logic, however, is the because-therefore relationship. Ask yourself whether you can say that because your topic sentences are true, therefore your controlling idea logically follows. Similarly, ask whether the evidence and analysis in each paragraph support the topic sentences. For instance, in an argument that one should not buy Acme tires because they were subject to sidewall failure and because the Acme Company did not honor its warranties, your controlling idea would be that one should not buy the Acme tire. One paragraph would deal with Acme sidewall failures while the second would deal with the companys not honoring its warranties. Then, within each paragraph, the specific evidence would prove the cases involving sidewall failures on the one hand and broken warranties on the other.
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P-1 EXERCISES TYPES OF PARAGRAPHS This exercise consists of two parts. In Part One, you are to mane the types of paragraphs and their component parts without referring to the resource material. Part Two is a sample persuasive paper in which you are to indicate logical divisions between paragraphs and identify the controlling idea, plan step, and topic sentences. PART ONE 1. List three types of paragraphs. a. b. c. 2. List the elements of the introductory paragraph. a. b. c. d. (optional)
3. List the elements of a development paragraph. a. b. c. d. (optional)
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4. List the elements of a concluding paragraph. a. b. c. PART TWO The list of sentences below contains an introductory paragraph, development paragraphs, and a concluding paragraph. Read all 21 sentences and then fill in the blanks in the statements at the end. Do not rearrange the sentences. 1. People outside of a business that requires mobility probably dont realize all that is involved in the frequent moves a family must make. 2. They dont have to consider the implications of all this mobility because their own locations are relatively fixed. 3. But if they did think about it, they would likely decide that the advantages of living in various places outweigh the disadvantages. 4. In order to demonstrate this argument I will first examine the drawbacks involved, and then the advantages. 5. The drawbacks of moving from city to city, of course, are real. 6. Moving is tiresome work, even when professionals help with the heavier loads. 7. Then there is the fact that the family never quite develops a sense of roots, or home, in the usual sense. 8. It is saddening, too, always to have to leave family and friends behind, or to see them leave for new jobs of their own. 9. And children, who generally need more stability than adults, cannot develop long-term relationships with their peers or attend the same schools for prolonged periods. 10. For his own part, the person in this type of business never develops the kind of professional depth and continuity that working in one enterprise over a long career can yield. 11. All of these factors can raise real problems.
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12. But each of the difficulties associated with moving has a positive aspect that more than offsets the troubles involved. 13. First among these is the obvious fact that the people involved experience life in parts of the country and the world that they otherwise would miss. 14. They also change neighbors more often than most people do, which means that they come to know a wide circle of friends, many of whom they will see again. 15. Moving is good for the children, too, because they learn that the world offers a wide variety of settings within which to live and to develop their own potentials. 16. And finally, of course, the working person has the opportunity to work at several kinds of jobs, instead of doing the same thing all of his working years. 17. Thus, a balanced view reveals that the nomadic life of business mobility is, on the whole, rewarding. 18. We have seen there are drawbacks involved in moving frequently, but that at the same time there are many advantages. 19. And we are forced to conclude that the advantages of living in various places outweigh the disadvantages. 20. Business mobility has its trials, but so does every mode of living; however, not many can offer as much to all the members of the family. 21. Probably many of its detractors would like itif they only could try it. a. The introductory paragraph consists of sentences ________ through ________.
b. There are _____ development paragraphs in this theme. They include sentences ______ through ______ and ______ through _______. c. d. The concluding paragraph includes sentences ______ through _______. Sentences _________ and ______ state the controlling idea of the theme.
e. Sentences ________ and _______ contain the plan step (the organization of the argument which the writer will follow or has followed). f. g. Sentence(s) _______ and ______ is (are) the introductory statement(s). Sentence(s) _______ and _______ contain(s) the concluding statement(s).
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P-1 SELF-EVALUATION AND FEEDBACK PART ONE 1. The three types of paragraphs are: a. b. c. Introductory paragraph Development paragraph Concluding paragraph
NOTE: A fourth type of paragraph is a transitional paragraph. 2. The elements of the introductory paragraphs are: a. b. c. d. Introductory statement(s) Controlling idea Plan step Transitional (optional)
3. The elements of a development paragraph are: a. b. c. d. Topic sentence Evidence Analysis of that evidence Restatement of the topic sentence or transition (optional)
4. The elements of a concluding paragraph are: a. b. c. Restatement of plan step Restatement of controlling idea Concluding statement(s)
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PART TWO A. 1 through 4. B. Two, 5 through 11 and 12 through 17. C. 18 through 21. D. 3 and 19. E. 4 and 18. F. 1 and 2. G. 20 and 21.
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NOTES
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P-2 THE DEVELOPMENT PARAGRAPH EVIDENCE ENABLING LEARNING OBJECTIVE A.14 ACTION: Write a development paragraph of approximately 150 words using evidence from your own personal experience. CONDITION: Given a topic sentence, this text, and ST 22-2. STANDARD: Sentences providing evidence (basic material) must support and develop topic sentence. Additional Resources Any college-level English handbook. P-2 THE DEVELOPMENT PARAGRAPH EVIDENCE If you reflect for a moment on the material presented in P-1, Types of Paragraphs, two conclusions might come to mind. First, the development paragraphs contain the heart of the argumentative theme, the hardcore of the argument. In the development paragraphs you introduce the evidence to convince your reader of your topic sentences and ultimately of your controlling idea. Second, since the evidence in the development paragraphs is important to your argument, it is the real key to a successful argument. You must, therefore, carefully select and present evidence from your own personal experience or from research to support your argument. This is especially true in business writing, most of which we write to attempt to solve a problem or to assist a manager in making a decision. Which copier system should the company procure? What is the solution to the production lines maintenance problem? Which evaluation plan should the company adopt? The answers depend on the evidence, and, in an argumentative paper, the development paragraphs introduce evidence so as to convince the reader. Consider the following paragraph: Our company has a definite problem in the cafeteria. My disenchantment started in September the day I bit into a hamburger to find myself staring at a long strand of gray hair that trailed out of the meat, through the mayonnaise, and over the edge of the bun. After that, I was not much surprised by the little things that I came across in October and November: bugs in the salad and a bobby pin in the meatloaf, for example. Then in December the food was worse. For the Christmas dinner, for instance, the server gave me a thin slice of rolled turkey, straight out of the can, and dished up a cockroach in my pudding. But todays incident taxed me beyond the limits of endurance. I had already eaten most of my clam chowder before I found it, at the bottom
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of the bowl, nestled among the diced potations and the chopped onions: one Band-Aid, more than slightly used. Accordingly, I shall no longer honor the cafeteria with my presence. While there is another type of evidence, known as evidence from authority, which comes from persons or references having special knowledge in a particular subject, you will be your own authority for the paper that you write at the end of this subcourse. You will draw on your own experience for your evidence. Consider, however, the next paragraphs, which are part of a larger project analysis of an aluminum soft drink and a glass bottle. While this specific comparison is probably not a part of your personal experience, see if you find the argument reliable. Specifically, someone has hired an advertising firm to compare the virtues of the can and the bottle, and in this part of the study, the firm has only considered the restricted aspect of shopper transportability: SHOPPER TRANSPORTABILITY ALUMINUM CAN VERSUS GLASS BOTTLE Aluminum can Can be stacked Lighter Unbreakable No need to turn in Glass Bottle Cannot be stacked Heavier Breakable Must be returned
In terms of shopper transportability, the aluminum can offers far greater advantage than the returnable glass bottle. This is true in every phase of shopper transportability from the time the container is moved from the shelf until the container is no longer in use. Whether in the shopping cart or in the pantry at home, whether individually, in six-packs, or in cartons, aluminum cans can be stacked with dissimilar items, whereas, bottles, with their protruding necks, cannot. No matter what type of movement is involved, the aluminum can is by far the lighter of the two, weighing only two ounces, as contrasted with the bottles nine ounces. An added advantage to the first type of container is its unbreakability, an especially important attribute since any type of movement makes the container susceptible to being dropped. Finally, one great advantage of the aluminum can is that it does not have to be returned. It can merely be discarded. On the other hand, the bottle may have to be returned; or the shopper may forfeit deposit. All of these factors indicate that, in terms of shopper transportability, the aluminum can is preferable to the glass bottle and should be adopted by the Union Soft Drink Company.
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First, the marketing group determined what factors they should compare. They then organized their evidence in support of their conclusion, which became their controlling idea. After presenting the evidence and analyzing it, they restated their controlling idea at the end. A series of analyses, such as these, would ultimately lead to a recommendation to the manufacturer. Any person concerned with research and development would do the same type of evaluation, but with a different product. Note that as the reader, you were able to follow the can-versus-bottle argument because the evidence presented corresponded with your own experience; that is, what you know in general terms about aluminum cans and glass bottles. SUFFICIENCY OF EVIDENCE How much evidence is enough? There is no simple answer to this question. If you have convinced your reader of your topic sentence (premise), then probably you have introduced sufficient evidence and have done sufficient analysis of that evidence. You would say, then, that your argument is reliable. Reconsider the Acme tire problem from Unit-P1 in a slightly different form: Controlling Idea: The company should not purchase Acme tires. Major Idea I: The Acme tire is subject to frequent sidewall failure. Major Idea II: The Acme Company has failed to live up to the conditions of its tire warranties. Obviously, the first paragraph would require more than one example of sidewall failure. It would need numerous documented examples, perhaps expressed as a percentage of tires used. The reader would also want to know the conditions under which the failures occurred and perhaps a comparison of failure rates of a competitive tire. Another aspect of sufficiency of evidence involves the question of whether the writer has adequately restricted his subject. The Acme tire example is a reasonable level of restriction for a 500- to 700-word paper, but consider the sample theme on the subject of moving (the exercise in Unit P-1) and take another look at the evidence. Note that the evidence consists of few facts and many opinions. Ask yourself if the argument convinces you and, if not, how the author could have persuaded you. No matter what form your answer takes, it should focus on the need for evidence, in this case evidence which you as reader could corroborate with your own personal experience.
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P-2 EXERCISE THE DEVELOPMENT PARAGRAPH EVIDENCE Using the topic sentence, My last experience with moving was a good/bad (select one) move, write a paragraph of approximately 150 words using evidence from your personal experience. Be sure to analyze your evidence; that is, explain how it supports your topic sentence. When you have written the paragraph, present it to a classmate or your instructor and ask that person to evaluate the reliability of your argument.
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P-2 SELF-EVALUATION AND FEEDBACK There is obviously no school solution to this exercise. You successfully completed this exercise if you convinced your reader that your move was either a good or a bad move. For evidence, you would have selected specific details of that move (cost, breakage, household goods delayed or delivered on time, etc.). If you convinced your reader that your argument was reliable, then you are ready to move to Unit P-3, The Development Paragraph Organization. Before you do, however, also compare your paragraph with one of the development paragraphs in the theme on moving which is a part of the exercise for Unit-P-1. Note that by restricting your paragraph to one specific move, your evidence has become more specific, and your argument, therefore, more convincing.
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P-3 THE DEVELOPMENT PARAGRAPH ORGANIZATION ENABLING LEARNING OBJECTIVE A.15 ACTION: Revise a disorganized paragraph to improve its organization and coherence. CONDITION: Given the unassembled components of a coherent paragraph and a disorganized paragraph, this text, and ST 22-2. STANDARD: As outlined in this lesson. Additional Resources Any college-level English handbook You are now familiar with the types of paragraphs and the importance of evidence within a development paragraph in convincing your reader. In this unit, you will refine your paragraphing skills by considering three aspects of paragraph organization, unity, organizational bases, and the use of coherence words.
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UNITY A lesson plan on paragraphs which the Department of English, at Princeton, used during academic year 1917-18 says that, Unity consists merely in sticking to your subjects. And that hasnt changed since World War I. Unity, as the words Latin root suggests, denotes oneness, meaning that in paragraphing, each development paragraph you write should have a single idea, defined by your topic sentence. That topic sentence amounts to a contract with the reader, and all of your evidence in that paragraph should contribute to the idea expressed in the topic sentence. In the earlier Acme tire example, the topic sentence of the first body paragraph was The Acme tire is subject to frequent sidewall failure. Your evidence would have led you to that statement, but if you had further evidence that showed that the Acme tire had a poor tread life and was often out of round, you would violate unity by putting that evidence into this paragraph. If that additional evidence involving tread-life and out-of-round problems was relevant to your controlling idea for the paper that The company should not purchase the Acme tire, you would need to construct at least one additional paragraph, perhaps with the topic sentence The Acme tire has other drawbacks. You will obtain unity in your paragraphs, then, if you organize your evidence properly and review your finished paragraph to see if the evidence and argument presented therein support the topic sentence. ORGANIZATION Fortunately, there are numerous modes for organizing and developing a paragraph, some of them now familiar to you. One is a chronological ordering, in which you arrange your points according to their occurrence in time. Closely related to this is ordering ideas by process, presenting them in the order they would assume as steps in a progression of some sort (disassembling, cleaning, and assembling a piece of equipment). Another mode of organization is spatial development, presenting things as they exist in space (the description of an office and its contents). Still another is cause-effect development, explaining how one event leads to another, and that to another, and so on (as in a discussion of economic recession). In argumentative writing, another mode known as weakest to strongest, presents evidence in a climactic order within the paragraph, with strongest evidence last. These organizational schemes may sometimes be complementary. Reconsider the paragraph on the cafeteria in Unit P-2. This paragraph presents evidence both chronologically and in a climactic, weakest to strongest, order. In that same unit, the paragraph which compares the aluminum can and the glass bottle in terms of shopper transportability has a chronological organization, starting with the shoppers taking the item from the shelf and placing it in the shopping cart and concluding with the disposal of the item. Once you have determined what evidence you are going to use in support of your topic sentence, you can make the most of its effect by arranging it in a logical order.
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COHERENCE WORDS If you arrange your evidence in a logical order based on a definite organizational plan, implicit transitions between sentences will result, since each sentence will lead naturally into the next. But to make your paragraphs coherence unmistakable, you can use specific coherence words where necessary to underscore the organization you have selected. Obviously, certain words pertain to certain modes of organization. The groups bellow contain some of the more common words. Chronological Order first, second, etc. when then now later soon earlier next last today last week after since subsequently Spatial OrderCause-effect Order here, therebecause abovesince beyondtherefore next tothus atso left, rightconsequently underas a result northfor this reason insidedue to close tohence with between among attached to
Another technique for using coherence words to effect a coherent paragraph is use of pronouns, such as, they, their, them, themselves, to maintain point of view. Yet another technique is the judicious repetition of key words, and still another involves developing ideas using parallelism. You may also combine short sentences into longer but more efficient sentences. For a more detailed discussion of these techniques, review the section on coherence in ST 22-2. Consider the following paragraph as an example of a unified, coherent paragraph. It is effective because all the evidence contributes to the topic sentence, the analysis of the evidence is good, and the use of coherence words (underlined) and nouns and pronouns (circled) is effective. In this case, the organizational base is one of comparison or contrast. Many college-educated young women are unhappy with their lot in life. If they plan on a career, they quickly learn that it is still a mans world. In business, science, and education, top positions are usually reserved for men; and even self-employed professional women, such as physicians and lawyers, ruefully discover that the general public has less confidence in them than in their male colleagues. In almost any occupation, the mere physical fact of being a female is likely to be a barrier to real success. On the other hand, if they get married, young women may find themselves discontented with the role of housewife. Even with the many labor-saving
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devices available today, homemaking involves a great deal of drudgery cleaning the house, washing the dishes, and performing all those other household chores that must be repeated endlessly. Moreover, there is a lack of intellectual stimulation in such tasks; and girls who once discussed philosophy and art with their college friends now find themselves prattling with their neighbors about grocery prices, the unreliability of a certain television repairman, or Juniors exasperating habit of losing his mittens. Finally, the community makes heavy demands upon young matrons. They are asked to participate in fund drives, PTA projects, church functions, the Girl Scouts, the Cub Scouts, and endless similar activities. The young mother consequently feels that shes being sliced up like a pie and that there arent enough pieces to go around.
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P-3 EXERCISE PART ONE THE DEVELOPMENT PARAGRAPH ORGANIZATIONS The sentences of this paragraph arent in their original order; there is no paragraph coherence. Based on your grasp of paragraphing skills, rearrange the sentences, restoring the paragraphs logical order. Indicate your sequence by placing the appropriate numbers in the spaces provided. Indicate also the one sentence that, if included, would disrupt the paragraphs unity. (1) Only when all this has been done can a writing project be turned in with some degree of assurance. (2) The next step is to organize all this material including your research, is any according to a logical plan. (3) (4) (5) There is a systematic approach to writing projects that improves results in any format. First, collect on paper all you know about the subject. Next, write a first draft based on this plan.
(6) Yet many people encounter needless difficulty in writing, simply because they are unaware of it. (7) Then, given the requirement, decide whether your initial ideas are sufficient.
(8) Survey the draft for mistakes and then write a final draft, removing errors and smoothing your style. (9) If they are not, perform the research necessary to treating the topic satisfactorily.
(10) Finally, go over your text for any mistakes that still have escaped your notice, and correct them as necessary. (11) Some experts think careful planning is not essential to writing successful paragraphs. Your order: _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ The disruptive sentence is: ____
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PART TWO The following paragraph requires revision to improve its organization and coherence. Using the topic sentence and paragraphing techniques described in this unit, rewrite the paragraph in a more orderly and coherent fashion. The career of Marjorie Lawrence, who was a starring soprano with the Metropolitan Opera Company, should be an inspiration to all of us. She was born in Australia and first studied music in Melbourne. She then continued to pursue her studies in Paris. Her operatic debut was made with the Monte Carlo Opera Company. She came to New York in 1935 and her first role was sung with the Metropolitan Opera Company whose 1969 season had been disrupted by a musician strike as Brunhilda in Wagners opera The Valkyrie. She was nearing the climactic point of her career in 1941. She went on a concert tour in Mexico and was struck down by polio. Doctors had little hope for her, but her husband was a doctor and a polio specialist by profession, and he helped her to regain her health. Marjorie did not walk to any extent after her attack. Her beautiful voice, however, was not affected by the disease, and she appeared in opera and on concert stages. She sang operatic roles in a sitting position, and she used a special movable platform in concerts. This enabled her to stand. Her handicap was overcome. The same handicap would have ended the career of a less courageous singer.
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NOTES
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P-3 SELF-EVALUATION AND FEEDBACK PART ONE The correct order for the sentences is (3), (6), (4), (7), (9), (2), (5), (8), (10), (1). The disruptive sentence is number (11), because its statement tends to contradict the general argument of the paragraph. PART TWO A SOLUTION The career of Marjorie Lawrence, who was a starring soprano with the Metropolitan Opera Company, should be an inspiration to all of us. She was born in Australia and first studied music in Melbourne. She continued to pursue her studies in Paris and made her operatic debut with the Monte Carlo Opera Company. In 1935, she came to New York and sang her first role with the Metropolitan Opera Company as Brunhilda in Wagners opera The Valkyrie. She was nearing the climactic point of her career in 1941when she went on a concert tour in Mexico and was struck down by polio. Doctors had little hope for her, but her husband, a doctor and a polio specialist, helped her to regain her health. Marjorie did not walk to any extent after her attack, but the disease did not affect her beautiful voice. She appeared in opera and on concert stages, sitting as she sang operatic roles and using a special movable platform that allowed her to stand for concerts. She overcame a handicap that would have ended the career of a less courageous singer.
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P-4 INTRODUCTORY, CONCLUDING, AND COMPARISON OR CONTRAST PARAGRAPHS ENABLING LEARNING OBJECTIVE A.16 ACTION: Write an introductory or concluding paragraph. CONDITION: Given a thesis, topic sentence, and additional information. STANDARD: Write to the standards outlined in Units P-1, P-2, and P-3. Additional Resources Any college-level English handbook. So far in this section, you have studied the types of paragraphs and the evidence and organization of development paragraphs. In this unit, you will examine the introductory and concluding paragraphs in more detail and learn about a special development paragraph, the comparison or contrast paragraph. THE INTRODUCTORY PARAGRAPH First, review The Introductory Paragraph in Unit P-1, and then take another look at the persuasive paper outline on the inside of the back cover of this text. You will see that the introductory paragraph contains one or more introductory statements, the controlling idea or thesis of your argument, the plan step (or summation of your topic sentences the plan you will follow in developing your argument), and, perhaps, a transition statement leading to the next paragraph. The introductory paragraph is crucial, then because it is the first paragraph your reader reads and because in it you present the reader with a contract that you will follow and develop in your paper. Your introductory statements are critical to building an effective paragraph. You want to warm up the reader to your topic and build his interest. While there are many ways to do this, we will present two for your consideration: (1) starting with specifics or (2) starting with generalities. The method you choose will depend on your topic and your preference for style. Reconsider our old friend, the Acme tore/ Controlling Idea:The company should not purchase the Acme tire. Topic Sentence I:The Acme tire is subject to frequent sidewall failure. Topic Sentence II: The Acme Company has failed to live up to the conditions of its tire warranty.
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Topic Sentence III: The Acme tire suffers from other physical deficiencies. (You may remember that we developed the third topic sentence when we reconsidered our evidence in Unit P-3.) If you start your introductory paragraph with specifics, you first two sentences might include part of your evidence (which you may reintroduce in more detail in a development paragraph) and might read as follows: At the Melbourne plant two people were killed when the 2-1/2 ton truck in which they were riding flipped over as a result of time failure. The truck crushed both of them, killing them instantly. The tire that failed was an Acme. This shocking example and other research lead to the conclusion that the company should not purchase the Acme tire. I make this statement because my findings show that the Acme tire is subject to frequent sidewall failure, that the Acme Company has repeatedly failed to live up to its warranty agreements with consumers, and that the Acme tire suffers from other serious physical deficiencies If, on the other hand, you choose to start your introductory paragraph with generalities, your first sentences (followed by your controlling idea) might read: The company requires several qualities in any new product that it purchases. The product must be reliable, the company must purchase it in good faith, and, most of all, it should be a product that people can safely use. Such is not the case with the Acme tire, and the company, therefore, should not buy this tire. I have come to the conclusion because of repeated failures of both Acme truck and automobile tires, because of serious problems experienced in the past with Acme warranties, and because of other deficiencies of the Acme tire. First, I will consider the failure rates. (This last sentence is an example of transition.) The two methods diagram as follows: Introduction with Specifiers Introductory statements (most specific) Thesis (most general) Plan Step (more specific) Either approach is correct. Generally, the controlling idea should come before the plan step so that the reader understands your position from the start and can evaluate your plan step in that light. The order in which you choose to summarize your topic sentences is generally not important, and the use of transitions is not optional. Note that the first version of the Acme introductory paragraph does not use a transition statement but that the second does.
Introduction with Generalities Introductory statements (most general) Thesis (most general) Plan Step (more specific)
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CONCLUDING PARAGRAPHS Review The Concluding Paragraph in unit P-1 and then take another look at the persuasive paper outline on the inside of the back cover of this text. We need to make two additional points. The first is that the concluding paragraph is almost a mirror image of the introductory paragraph. The second is that you shouldnt skimp on your concluding paragraph. Numerous studies have shown the importance of the concluding paragraph. Readers tend to remember what they read last, but a brief, two-sentence summary of your paper will leave the reader saying So what? Thus your concluding paragraph should be a forceful, persuasive summary of the argument which preceded it, not merely a perfunctory closing. Again, you may couch your concluding statements in terms of specifics or generalities, whichever you prefer. One good technique is to refer back to your introductory statement in your concluding statements. This frames your argument and gives the reader an effective repetition of your opening remarks. COMPARISON OR CONTRAST PARAGRAPHS A comparison or contrast paragraph is a type of development paragraph in which the writer compares two or more things (similarities) or contrasts them (dissimilarities) within the same paragraph. This form of organization is common in effective business writing comparing products systems or weighing alternative courses of action. In this programmed instruction, you have already seen at least two examples of comparison or contrast paragraphs: the aluminum can or glass bottle paragraph in Unit P-2, and the paragraph on women in Unit P-3. Successful comparison or contrast depends on proper restriction and identification of the items or qualities you wish to compare or contrast. You may choose from two basically different methods of organization. If the first, you would compare or contrast like elements of one thing before you develop the second. First, you would discuss A and its supporting elements (a, a, a,) in certain terms and then you would discuss B in the same terms. Golf and skiing are sports requiring strikingly opposite aptitudes and skills. Most good golfers I have observed display a highly refined degree of hand and eye coordination. It is essential for the golfer to have this faculty if he is to make the desired contact with the ball and turf. While stamina is never a detriment to any sportsman, it is hardly required by the nonprofessional golfer. The abundance of golf carts and other conveyances enables senior citizens and even fragile ladies to duff around the course. Quick reflexes, while always helpful in avoiding misdirected balls, really offer the golfer no particular advantages. Once he has begun his swing, he must complete it in accordance with a practiced and ingrained pattern. Reacting in mid-swing is normally disastrous.
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The skier, by contrast, is minimally dependent on hand ad eye coordination. Getting on the T-bar or the chair lift is probably the most taxing maneuver he must execute while relying on this faculty. Stamina, however, can mean the difference between complete fulfillment on the most challenging slopes and frustrating mediocrity on the bunny slope. Beyond this, safety is a consideration. To paraphrase another sportsman: fatigue can make casualties of us all. Finally, good reflexes are the cornerstone of well-executed maneuvers and personal safety on the slopes. Variations in terrain will appear very suddenly to the skier who is traversing a hill at high speeds. He must be able to react to fluctuations in surface conditions, not to mention some of the derelicts populating the slopes today. An alternate approach to developing a comparison or contrast paragraph is to compare similar or dissimilar aspects simultaneously. You would develop A concurrently with and parallel to B. The following is an example: There are fundamental and opposing differences between Hellenism and Hebraism. The uppermost idea in Hellenism is to see things as they really are; the uppermost idea in Hebraism is conduct and obedience. With Hellenism, the quarrel with the body and its desires is that they hinder the right thinking; with Hebraism., the quarrel with the body and its desires is that they hinder right acting. The Hebrew notion of felicity is in acting properly, but the Greek notion of felicity is thinking correctly. The governing idea in Hebraism is spontaneity of conscience; the governing idea in Hellenism spontaneity of consciousness. These are fundamental and diametrically opposed differences between the natures of these two cultures. These graphic renditions compare the two methods visually: A a a a B b b b A B a b a b a b
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P-4 EXERCISE INTRODUCTORY, CONCLUDING, AND COMPARISON OR CONTRAST PARAGRAPHS Given the following controlling idea, topic sentences, and additional information, write a brief introductory or concluding paragraph. Controlling Idea: The American victory at Cowpens resulted primarily from Daniel Morgans accurate appraisal of the peculiar qualities of his inexperienced troops. Topic Sentence I: Daniel Morgans troop disposition took advantage of the inherent strengths of his troops. Topic Sentence II: Daniel Morgans detailed preparation compensated for the inherent weakness of his troops. Additional Information: a. At the Battle of Cowpens, which took place on 17 January 1781, Morgans inexperienced command achieved a decisive victory over a superior force of British regulars. b. Daniel Morgan was the commander of American troops at the Battle of Cowpens, South Carolina. c. The qualities he displayed at the Battle of Cowpens clearly entitle Daniel Morgan to recognition as one of this countrys outstanding military leaders. d. The ability to compensate for the weaknesses of his forces and thus gain a victory over a superior force is one sure mark of an outstanding leader.
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P-4
SELF-EVALUATION AND FEEDBACK AN INTRODUCTORY PARAGRAPH The ability to compensate for the weaknesses of his forces and thus gain a victory over a superior force is one sure mark of an outstanding leader. Such a leader was Daniel Morgan, the commander of American troops at the Battle of Cowpens, South Carolina. At that battle, which took place on 17 January 1781, Morgans inexperienced command achieved a decisive victory over a superior force of British regulars. This victory resulted primarily from Morgans accurate appraisal of the peculiar qualities of his inexperienced troops. As a result of that appraisal, Morgan could dispose his troops to take advantage of their inherent strengths and make the detailed preparations that would compensate for their inherent weaknesses. or CONCLUDING PARAGRAPH It is evident, then, that the American victory at Cowpens did not result from a superiority of force, since the British were superior to the Americans in numbers, experience, and equipment. The outcome can be attributed only to the leadership of Daniel Morgan. By skillfully exploiting their strengths while simultaneously compensating for their weaknesses, Morgan led his inexperienced troops to a decisive victory over a well-led and formidable force. The qualities he displayed at the Battle of Cowpens clearly entitle Daniel Morgan to recognition as one of this countrys outstanding military leaders. NOTE: Your solution obviously need not duplicate verbatim either of those shown above. Notice how the two paragraphs mirror each other.
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P-R ANALYZING A PARAGRAPH ENABLING LEARNING OBJECTIVE A.17 ACTION: Write an evaluation of the argument presented in a development paragraph. CONDITION: Given a development paragraph. STANDARD: Write an evaluation to the standards for paragraph coherence, unity, and organization that you have studied up to this point. Additional Resources Any college-level English handbook. Unit P-R is a review exercise. Therefore, you may choose either to review the four subordinate units before completing the exercise or simply to complete the exercise. Look the exercises over to help you decide which choice to make.
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P-R EXERCISE ANALYZING A PARAGRAPH Given the following sample paper, write a brief analysis in which you evaluate the reliability of the first development paragraph to your satisfaction or to the satisfaction of a classmate. Pay particular attention to the evidence and the logic involved. Your response (itself an persuasive paper) should start with the topic sentence The argument presented in the first body paragraph is or is not (choose one) reliable. We have numbered sentences sequentially for ease of reference; the first development paragraph is the one that starts with sentence 4. CARTOON VIOLENCE (1) Defenders of contemporary television programming claim the current abundance of violence in television shows has little effect on the viewer. (2) Nevertheless, in at least one type of television programming childrens cartoons the abundance of violence does not adversely affect the viewer. (3) To understand the full extent of such effects, we need consider only the physical effects cartoon violence has on our children and the degree to which it develops their latent savage instincts. (4) Cartoon violence definitely has bad physical effects on children.
(5) A survey of television programs over a six-month period shows the while adult programs average 9.8 acts of violence per hour, cartoons average 206.3 per hour. (6) Consider the cartoon Roadrunner, for example.
(7) In one version of this cartoon, the her9o, a birdlike creature, performed over 100 acts of violence on a hapless coyote in less than two minutes. (8) These acts include such unsavory practices as vicious whippings with large cactus branches, boiling in hot oil, and even at one point (toward the end) the forced swallowing of a rather violent laxative six sticks of dynamite. (9) Furthermore, one study showed that children who regularly view this cartoon are 35 percent less healthy than those who see it occasionally or not at all, disturbances, and that 2 percent had eating disturbances. (10) Undoubtedly, cartoon violence arouses savage instincts in children.
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(11) How else, for example, can we account for the crime waves that are currently sweeping the country? (12) The simple fact is that those children who were nursed on a steady diet of Roadrunner cartoons have now grown up and are practicing what they learned. (13) How else can we account for the popularity of football the most violent of our national sports or the hesitancy of Congress to enact strong gun-control laws? (14) Certainly, these facts point to only one conclusion that cartoon violence actually arouses mans savage instincts. (15) At this point there can be little doubt that cartoon violence has harmful effects on the viewer, both by interfering with the natural development of children and by arousing their latent, savage instincts. (16) Cartoon violence is a pervasive and insidious problem. (17) In the word of Ralf Zenith, noted consumer-protection advocate, Cartoon violence is a Cancer, and the way to stop an insidious growth of cancer is to surgically remove the affected parts. (18) We must, therefore, remove violence from our television cartoons.
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P-R SELF-EVALUATION AND FEEDBACK Your solution might look like this: The argument presented in the first development is not reliable. Basically, this paragraph generalizes on statistical evidence and draws to a conclusion which is stated in sentence (4). Sentence (4) does not relate logically to the controlling idea (Because cartoon violence has bed physical effects on children, therefore, cartoon violence does adversely affect the viewer). The topic sentence, moreover, does not proceed logically from the evidence. Sentences (5), (6), (7), and (8), are evidential data establishing that cartoons, particularly Roadrunner, contain inordinate amounts of unsavory violence. This evidence says nothing about the effects such violence have on children. It is possible the writer could have made this evidence relevant to the topic sentence had he analyzed this data. Sentence (9) presented statistical data relevant to the topic sentence, but again the writer has failed to analyze his evidence. The critical reader will want to know, for example, why the writer considers the 2 percent of those who had eating disturbances a significant figure. Additionally, the writer has failed to provide an adequate operational definition of terms. What does the phrase 35 percent less healthy really mean? A critical reader will also want to know specifically what constitutes sleep disturbances and disturbances. Finally, as a generalization, the topic sentence of this paragraph is unreliable. The writer simply generalizes from one instance, Roadrunner, to conclude that essentially all cartoons have adverse physical effects on children.
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P-R EDIT FOR STYLE One of the things you need to do when you have completed your draft is to check your work for style. One tool for checking the style is the Quick Screen Edit. If you use the edit correctly, your correspondence will meet the Army standard. To edit a document, use a highlighter and mark the following items: 1. The bottom line. 2. All passive verbs (passive writing). 3. Unnecessary or long words and jargon. 4. Any spelling, punctuation, or grammatical errors you find. 5. Sentences that begin with It is . . ., There is . . ., or There are . . . 6. Words that end with tion After you have finished marking the paper, revise the paper correcting those items you have marked. 1. Put the bottom line up front. This doesnt necessarily mean it must be the first sentence of the paper, but it should be near the beginning. 2. Look at each of the passive sentences, and decide if you can or want to make the sentence active. If you do want to make it active, rewrite the sentence. Remember, you may not always be able to find out who or what the actor is, or you may want to emphasize the action rather than the actor. If this is the case, use the passive voice. 3. Find and use short, familiar words to replace the long words and inappropriate jargon you found. Eliminate the unnecessary words. 4. Correct the spelling, punctuation, and grammar errors you found. If you are not sure, use a spelling book, dictionary, or grammar text to help you. 5. Rewrite any sentences starting with it is, there is, or there are. These phrases are generally useless and only serve to make the sentences long and confusing. State the information directly. 6. Words which end with tion usually mean you have made a noun out of verb. Use the verb as a verb and you sentence will be clearer. For example, holding a discussion takes more words than discussing.
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When you have finished revising the paper, rewrite the document. It will be in the style the Army wants. EXAMPLE Training support is not facilitated by funding shortfalls, there is, however, guidance that reductioning has a fixed base. Essential training will be allowed by these minimum funding constraints. The underlined areas point out the following errors: 1. is facilitated passive 2. Funding shortfalls jargon 3. . . . shortfalls, therefore . . . comma splice 4. reductioning jargon 5. fixed base jargon 6. will be allowed passive 7. Essential . . . constraints. Although this is a little wordy and has several problems as shown above, this is the bottom line. Put this idea up front. REWRITE Funding cuts will still allow essential training. The lack of funds wont make training easy, but guidance says there will be no more cuts.
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P-R EXERCISE Do a quick screen edit on the paragraph below. Remember, rewriting is part of the editing process. When you have finished rewriting, compare your rewrite with ours. Although your rewrite may not be exactly the same, be sure you have eliminated all unnecessary information. Policy guidance permits the provisioning of government furniture in family housing in overseas areas upon determination that it is more advanteous for the government to provide furniture in liew of shipping personnel furniture. Cost comparison studies have been conducted by this headquarters they show that this headquarters is entitled to furniture support. Reports must be prepared by this command to legitimize requests; since the budgeting window includes only the next thirty days. YOUR REWRITE
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P-R SELF-EVALUATION AND FEEDBACK

Policy guidance permits the provision of government furniture in family housing in overseas areas upon determination that it is more advanteous for the government to provide furniture in liew of shipping personnel furniture. Cost comparison studies have been conducted by this headquarters they show that this headquarters is entitled to furniture support. Reports must be prepared by this command to legitimize requests; since the budgeting window includes only the next thirty days. EXPLANATION The first sentence contains many errors, but, most important, it gives a lot of information that the reader probably doesnt need to know. You could, therefore, eliminate it altogether. We have listed the other errors below. Jargon policy guidance, provisioning Spelling advanteous (advantageous), liew (lieu), personnel (This is spelled correctly, but its the wrong word.) Unnecessary words in overseas areas Tion words provisioning, determination If you decide to keep the sentence, the rewrite should look similar to the one below. REWRITE: Policy allows us to provide government furniture for overseas family housing if it is cheaper than shipping personal furniture. The second sentence contains part of the information the boss needs to know. You need to correct other errors in the sentence, however. Passive voice have been conducted, is entitled Jargon/Unnecessary words cost comparison studies, this headquarters (twice) Punctuation There needs to be a break between headquarters and they. The writer has run two sentences together without punctuation. The last sentence also has information the boss needs to know. Again, you need to correct other errors. Passive voice must be prepared Jargon/unnecessary words this command, legitimize, budgeting window
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SUGGESTED REWRITE According to policy, we can get government furniture for the family housing area, but we must submit our request within the next thirty days. NOTE: Although we have omitted much of the information the original material had, this one sentence contains the information the boss needs to take action.
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P-R THE CLARITY INDEX The clarity index is another tool you can use to improve your writing or coach subordinates. The index checks writing for overly long words and sentences. The purpose of the index is to make writing more readable. Long words and long sentences look very impressive and demonstrate your ability (or lack of it) with punctuation and syntax. They slow down the reader, however, and they have no place in staff papers. Impress the boss with your ideas not your vocabulary or your ability to write a whole paragraph in one sentence. Take warning, however: the index is very time-consuming, so you should not use it on every paper you write. If you do use it on all your papers, youll get a better papers but a lot fewer of them. In the military, we cant afford that. An occasional check of your papers will keep you on the track. Basically, the clarity index is a formula for measuring the readability of a document. First, select a sample of approximately 200 words. That sample will give you the information you need without overextending your efforts. Then, follow the steps below. 1. Count the number of sentences. 2. Count the number of words. 3. Divide the number of words by the number of sentences to get the average number of words per sentence. The target is an average of 15 words per sentence. 4. Count the number of words that have three or more syllables (long words). 5. Divide the number of long words by the total number of words to determine the percentage of long words. The target average is 15%. 6. Add the average number of words per sentence to the percentage of long words. The sum is the clarity index. The target index is 30. The document becomes progressively more difficult to read as the number goes up. Likewise, as the number goes down the document becomes easier to read. Be careful, though! If you make the document too simple, you may offend your audience or fail to express your idea adequately. EXAMPLE Herewith is the Summary of Action concerning the elimination case of the captioned officer. You will recall that when I briefed you on this case, I suggested that the Vice Chief, GEN Smith, be informed of my recommendation since he, as CG FORSCOM, initiated the Board of Inquiry
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and ultimately recommended approval of the boards recommendation for elimination under less than honorable conditions. You left the matter of briefing the Vice Chief up to me and advised that after I had made up my mind in that regard you would make your decision in the case. I asked for and had an interview with the Vice Chief. I explained that I wanted him to know about my recommendation to you in the case since he had initiated the Board of Inquiry and had ultimately had recommended approval of that boards recommendation for the elimination of LTC Jones with an under less than honorable conditions discharge. The Vice Chief was grateful of my courtesy but made no comment as to whether he was in agreement or nonconcurred with my recommendation. a. b. c. d. e. f. Number of sentences: 6 Number of words: 176
Words per sentence (b a): 29 Number of long words: 29 Percentage of long words (d. b.): 16% Clarity Index: 45 REWRITE
Here is LTC Jones case summary. I did decide to meet the Vice Chief. Since GEN Smith, as CG FORSCOM, started the case and recommended discharging LTC Jones, I felt that he should get an update. The Vice Chief appreciated my visit but did not comment on my recommendation. a. b. c. d. e. f. Number of sentences: 4 Number of words: 50 Words per sentence: 12 Number of long words: 6 Percentage of long words: 12% Clarity Index: 24
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P-R EXERCISE Calculate the clarity index of the following paragraph. You may rewrite the paragraph and calculate the clarity index on it. We cant give you any feedback on that, of course. Requirement for a Quarterly Executive Review focusing on items being dropped from accountability was discussed with the members of the task group. Personnel were disinclined to use the simplified adjustment format out of fear that the large losses would be viewed as indicative of poor supply management. Also discussed was the fact that losses are being carried without adjustment until transfer of accountability/property officer with Report of Survey then being used for adjustment purposes. CLARITY INDEX CALCULATIONS a. b. c. d. e. f. Number of sentences: ______ Number of words: ______ Number of words per sentence: ______ Number of long words: ______ Percentage of long words: ______ Clarity Index: ______ Use this space for calculations.
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NOTES
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P-R SELF-EVALUATION AND FEEDBACK CLARITY INDEX a. b. c. d. e. f. Number of sentences: _3__ Number of words: ___74___ Words per sentence: 25__
Number of long words: __16 Percentage of long words: Clarity Index: ___ 47___ 22_
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English Writing Fundamentals

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PROGRAMMED TEXT 12-2

Programmed Text 12-2 Writing Fundamentals 3 November 2000

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RESOURCES MATERIAL EQUIPMENT WEAPON FIREARM RIFLE RUGER 30.06

Rule #1 for writing effectively is to be clear: be specific.

Rule #2. Use jargon advisedly.

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Rule #3. Avoid Gobbledygook.

Rule #4. Don't use euphemisms.

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Rule #2. Delete unnecessary words.

Rule # 3. Eliminate unintended redundancy.

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(1) conjunction. (2)

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don't mix metaphors.

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Rule #1 for correctness is be aware of connotations.

The rule for correctness in spelling is spell accurately.

To avoid this problem, don't use trite expressions.

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So the rule for using slang is "Not!".

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Version B. Version C. Version D.