random corny jokes online

from http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/random/articles/219714/title/41-corny-ass-jokes
#1 How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank coffee before it was cool.
#2 Why are celsius and farenheit friends?
Because they're fair-in-height. (I came up with that one :)
#3 Why was the broom late to work?
It overswept!
#4 Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay they'd be bagels.
#5 What's Michelle Obama's favorite vegetable?
Barackoli (broccoli)
#6 Why does the mushroom have so many friends?
Because he's a fungi! (Fun guy)
#7 What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta! (Imposter)
#8 How often do i make chemistry jokes?
Periodically.
#9 What do you call a pencil without lead?
Pointless!
#10 How do you make an octopus giggle ten times?
You give him ten-tickles (tenticles)
#11 How do you make lady gaga cry?
Poker face!
#12 What did Beethoven become when he died?
A decomposer!
#13 What's a chicken's favorite composer?
Bach!
#14 What did one eye say to the other eye?
"Between you and me man, something smells." (Your nose)
#15 What did the stamp say to the envelope?
"Stick with me man, we'll go places."
#16 What did the hat say to the hatrack?
"Stay here, I'll go on a-head."
#17 Why can't you hear a pteradactyl use the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent (the letter p in the name is silent)
#18 Why did the little boy eat his homework?
The teacher said it was a piece of cake.
#19 Why did the tomato blush?
It saw the salad dressing.
#20 What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
"Ruff!" (Rough)
#21 Why did the man send his phone to school?
He wanted a smartphone (i came up with that one too :)
#22 How do crazy people go through a forest?
They take the psycho path.
#23 How do you know if it's raining cats and dogs?
You step in a poodle (puddle)
#24 How do you know if a clock is wise?
It goes clockwise (i thought of that)
#25 How do you get pikachu on a bus?
You pokmon (pok 'em on)
#26 Why can't you dress with pikachu in the room?
He'll pikachu (peek at you)
#27 What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese (so old right?)
#28 How do get holy water?
You boil the hell out of it!
#29 What starts with "E" ends with "E" but only has one letter in it?
An envelope, duh xD
#30 Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts to.
#31 What did the ghost say to scare the bees?
"BOOOOBEEES!" XD (please don't yell that if your parents are home)
#32 What does an angry pepper do?
It gets jalepeo face! (All up in yo face)
#33 What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An in- vest-igator investigator
#34 What's pink and fluffy?
Pink fluff
#34.5 what's blue and fluffy? (Think about it)
Pink fluff holding it's breath.
#35 What happens when you drink 7 coca colas?
You burp 7up
#36 Why can't your nose ever be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot.
#37 why does snoop dog carry an umbrella?
Fo' drizzle!
#38 Why was the police man in bed?
He was undercover.
#39 what did one light bulb say to another light bulb?
"Watts up?" (You know li,e the watts that are in a light bulb?)
#40 what did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
"Dam!"
LAST ONE!
#41 Why can't you trust lions?
They be lion to you! (Lying)