Marissa Boyd

Mrs. Crichton
AP English language
12 November 2013
Lake Camanche
The gorgeous, fresh, blue waters of Lake Camanche have been a place where I have
nothing but fun and made memories with the people that mean the most to me. This lake house
has been a part of my life for longer than I can imagine. It has gone through many generations of
our friends family and we are keeping it alive by going to it as much as possible during the
summer. So many memories with family and friends have been made at this beautiful, stress free,
and fun place. We do many fun activities that keep us entertained throughout the day. Lake
Camanche is a place with great meaning behind it because of the many memories made and the
feeling of serenity when being there.
The house is small with three bedrooms that the carpet in some parts of the house is not
stapled down so if I catch the edge of it, it will poke my foot. It is that instant pain that goes
through my foot. Then when I walk out onto the wooden deck from the house, I see a view of tall
green trees on my left and right then right in the middle is a beautiful, sparkling, blue green lake
with little sand islands.
We would always look out to the water to see how far this year we would have to walk
down this green grassy hill just to get down to the water. The walk down to the lake is usually
very strenuous and tiring because there is multiple hills. Also, once one gets closer to the water
there are just all these rocks everywhere that if one is not care then they can slip and fall.
After we get there we unpack the cars as fast as we can so we can take the boat down to
the dock to put the boat in the water. The best part about having a boat is tubing. It is the most
amazing, thrilling, adrenaline rushing ride of my life when my friends and I are speeding away
on the tube. When I am on that tube, going as fast as I possibly can with the wind going through
my hair, water spraying in your face, and getting whipped as hard as possible. We fly through the
air, holding on with all the arm strength we have so we don't fall off hitting the water with a
thud.
Once we get too tired to tube, we go back to the house to relax and play in the water.
Another activity we like to do is take our old, light blue and white, old fashion paddle boat out
that if there is too many people on it it will start to fill up with water. Paddling the boat to the
island is such a workout because it goes so slow and if a boat passes then we have to paddle up
against the big waves crashing up against the small boat. The paddle boat slowly but surely gets
us to the islands we love to have mud fights on. The mud fights are dirty and gross because the
wet, chunky mud is thrown everywhere and ends up in places that are so uncomfortable.
The surroundings of the lake house and being there just makes me relaxed and calm.
Seeing an animal like a big, brown deer or the fast, hopping jackrabbits gives me a sense where
the modern world is not present. At the lake people are here to just be free and adventurous
exploring nature around the island. Sometimes we would go back into a little cove of water thats
about knee high deep and fish or growing tadpoles that will soon become frogs that we catch at
night. At our lake house my family friends and I are not afraid to be ourselves and express that.
When we can we go out to this one island we call skeleton island. We named it that
because our family friend would tell stories to us when we were younger after we found bones
on the island that they were from pirates. We would climb up the side of the rocky island and
find a place that we could jump off from and look around the island to find bones and the boys
would find a stick and rocks to hit to see who could hit the farthest. When we come to this
relaxing, fun lake, the teenagers always act like little kids having fun playing in the water
and.When jumping off the rocks, I usually get really scared jumping off at first because all I do is
look down and see the blue, cold water and you hear loud cheers behind you telling you hurry
up, hurry up. The pressure heightens and finally you jump feeling the wind hit your face, and
screaming at the top of your lungs as your heart races until you hit the water with a huge splash.
The lake house I grew up is so special to me because its another place to call home. This
place is my favorite place to escape from everything and everyone in San Jose to just be me.
Also, you're there to have fun and be outdoors all the time playing in the fresh, lake water and
going on the boat. Being able to come to a place where I can call it home and be myself around
the people I love is such an amazing feeling. Memories last a lifetime and I hope so does this
house because I want to be able to keep going up there as I get older. Ive known this place my
whole life as a place I go every summer for weekends on end and to do my favorite activity,
tubing. My favorite place to be all the time is at my lake house.

Criteria Skilled (9-8) Adequate (7-6) Emergent (5-4) Needs
Improvement
(3-2)
Organizatio
n
The essay contains
a logically developed
introduction, body,
and conclusion, and
offers a powerful,
insightful response
demonstrating
higher-level critical
thinking skills. The
essay uses smooth,
varied and
The essay contains a
basic introduction, body
and conclusion, and
provides a good
technique with some
analysis of the
significance of the
person, place or thing
described . The essay
contains generally
appropriate transitions;
The essay attempts
to develop a loose
introduction, body
and conclusion, but
provides too little or
incomplete
description and
analysis of whats
being
discussed .
Transitional words &
The essay
altogether lacks a
logical organization
and provides an
incomplete or
ineffective
description
of little or no
significance,
reflecting little
critical thinking.
appropriate
transitional words
and phrases.
paragraphs may lack
variety.
phrases used
inconsistently.
Introductio
n:
Hook and
Thesis
Begins in medias
res. The
introduction lures
the audience into
reading the
response. Thesis is
implied not stated.
Who/what being
described is evident
or
skillfully implied.
The essay effectively
describes a person, place,
thing or event. The thesis
is evident, consisted and
focused, and is implied,
but
perhaps awkwardly.
The essay
describes a specific
person, place, thing
event or element,
but lacks
appropriate
sensory language
or vivid details. The
reader doesnt get
it. The body
paragraphs
superficially and
vaguely develop
ideas. No thesis
evident, or
extremely awkward
if present.



The essay has a
nonexistent or
weak thesis that
fails to establish
control. Boring.
To the reader, it is
unclear who or
what is being
described and why.
Criteria Skilled (9-8) Adequate (7-6) Emergent (5-4) Needs
Improvement
(3-2)
Sentence
Variety
The essay provides
varied sentence
types (simple,
compound, complex)
and uses precise,
specific, descriptive
and mature
language.
The essay provides
somewhat varied
sentence types and may
occasionally use trite
expressions.
Language/expression is
generally adequate.
The essay provides
few types of
sentences and uses
basic, predictable
language. No
precise language or
descriptive details
or imagery.
The essay contains
no sentence
variety. Lack of
precise language
or
descriptive details.
Boring.
Use of
Vocabulary
and Point
of View for
Intended
Audience
The audience essay
demonstrates a
clear
sense of audience
and uses a formal
tone and appropriate
vocabulary. No
overuse of clich,
and no overuse of
expressions such as
like a lot well
etc. Essay is
consistent in tense,
person and voice
The essay demonstrates
a general sense of
audience and uses some
appropriate vocabulary.
Slight, occasional use of
expressions such as a
lot, well, etc.. Essay is
generally consistent in
tense, person and voice.
Occasionally slips in to
be verb forms, and
lapses into occasional
passive voice.

The essay
demonstrates little
sense of audience
and does not adjust
the
vocabulary for the
audience. May use
repetitive language,
sound awkward, or
overuse personal
pronouns. Overuse
of weak forms of
the verb to be
and frequent lapses
The essay
demonstrates no or
inappropriate
sense of audience.
Repetitive.
Awkward. Basic.
Elementary.
Rudimentary
vocabulary.
Overuses clichs
and hackneyed
expressions.
Relies
heavily and mainly
throughout AVOIDS
WEAK TO BE
VERB FORMS
writes in active not
passive voice.
into the passive
voice rather than
the active.

on weak forms of
verb to be and
writes mainly in
passive voice.
Overreliance on
personal pronouns.

Standard
English
Usage
The essay contains
few, if any, errors in
the conventions of
the English
Language. If used,
quotations and
dialogue are
correctly punctuated
and
smoothly blended
into the body of the
essay. Essay is in
correct MLA format.
The essay contain some
minor errors in the
conventions of the
English Language If
used, quotations and
dialogue correctly
punctuated, but may be
awkwardly blended into
the essay. Generally
MLA-style compliant.
The writer
demonstrates little
sense of audience
and does not adjust
the vocabulary for an
audience. Little
proofreading. Little or
no quotations or
dialogue. Multiple
punctuation mistakes
MLA
style used
inconsistently.

Essay contains
serious, multiple
errors in usage. No
proofreading
evident. Serious
flaws. MLA style is
not followed.