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California State Route 1

Nicholas Farrell
Fat drops of rain landed heavily on the windshield, bursting on impact. The nondescript beige
sedan drove southward on the Pacific coast highway, California State Road One. The road winds down
the entire coast of the state, infamous for its beautiful vistas and deadly, hairpin curves. The car was the
kind of bland old Cadillac typical of senior citizens, the kind of car one would expect to see with a
shrunken, half-blind old lady behind the wheel. The driver of this particular vehicle, however, was a
male of twenty-seven years of age. In the passenger seat sat his lovely bride, herself only twenty-three
years of age. The words just married were still painted on the back window in a bright blue.
They were in the final days of their honeymoon. Instead of flying to Hawaii or Tahiti or some
other exotic, tropical island, they had decided to road trip down the California coast. Having both been
born and raised in Benton, Illinois, California represented a sort of magical land for them, a land of five-
star beaches, movie stars, and rock n roll.
Slow down dearie, its getting dark. The bride cooed. The groom did not like taking orders, but
she found that gentle suggestion worked just as well.
The groom switched down a gear, and switched on the headlights. The car was equipped with
headlights, bright lights, fog lights, power steering, an FM radio, air conditioning, anti-lock brakes, and
even seat warmers. The luxury vehicle had been a wedding gift from the brides rich uncle.
It really does get dark quick over here on the west coast, doesnt it? He said.
But just look at that sunset, would ya? Nothin like it. And it looks like the rain is letting up too.
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It reminds me of watching the sun set over the lack at my uncles summer home in the
Catskills. said the bride.
It really is gorgeous darling; we have to visit someday. Maybe he would even let us use it for a
weekend.
That sounds swell baby. Shes already thinking of her next vacation. The groom thought. Is
that what her life is? A never ending vacation? He then put his mind to rest by turning on the radio.
A song came on: I've been waiting so long To be where I'm going In the sunshine of your
love!
Oh darling, I love this song, do turn it up. She sighed.
He turned the knob a half inch to the right and watched as little black lines appeared on the
lighted display.
Their romance had been short, and sweet. The bride was rather unattractive, despite her
parents best efforts and the best beauty treatments money could buy. She had small breasts and an
awkward face, and a neck that was about an inch too long. The most attractive thing about her seemed
to be her parents vast wealth. The groom was less unattractive, although none would call him a
stunner. He was out of shape, and showing signs of early balding, but felt as if he had done well for
himself by marrying into the gentry and achieving the promise of endless happiness through exurbanite
wealth. The bride was happy to have married anyone at all.
How far are we from the hotel, dear? I dont want you to be driving too late. She asked.
The groom consulted his map. According to the road signs, he was about 40 miles from Newport
Beach, where they had a suite booked.
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Shouldnt be more than another half hour, my love. Im sure looking forward to some shuteye.
Oh I do hope they have a king sized bed! said the bride gleefully.
Oh Im sure there is. It is the bridal suite after all.
Plenty of room for fun she said, batting her eyes lustfully.
Newport Beach was the last stop on their honeymoon. There they would spend a few relaxing
days in the sun before returning to real life.
After some time a billboard passed on their left. A woman in a swim suit smiled big, her hands
placed gaily under her chin.
Your Smile Has Never Been Whiter! -Colgate
Would you look at that honey, I cant believe how they dress women in advertisements these
days. Its absolutely tasteless! The bride stated with an air of pride.
Absolutely tasteless. He mimicked dryly.
Any woman of class would not be caught dead in a floosy outfit like that. Do you agree dear?
One-hundred percent, dear.
The long day of driving had reduced his nerves to bare, exposed wires.
It seems this country becomes more of an immoral dump every year. Right honey?
Right hun. An immoral dump.
He turned the radio up in an effort to quiet his wife.
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John Lennon commanded: Lay down all thoughts, surrender to the void. It is shining. It
is shining...

The car whipped around turn after turn, its sport tires clinging to the asphalt like glue. By now
the roadway was dark as wet velvet. No streetlights and no moon guided their way. The amber,
luminescent glow of the cars headlights illuminated a small ovular shape on the road. Every so often a
green, fluorescent streetlight came into view. Newport Beach: 25 Miles.
See that, dear? Were almost there. said the groom.
Oh I cant wait to jump in bed! she breathed.
Its going to be oh so magical. Do you think the room- dear God look out! she screamed.
A figure stood in the road ahead just feet from the sheer cliff. The groom slammed on the
brakes. The tires screeched and the car ground to a halt just inches from the dark figure.
Honey who is that, Im frightened! cried the bride.
It was a man wearing an overcoat and a Stetson hat. He wore a smile on his face. One of his eyes
was bruised and bleeding.
Just some drugged up lunatic, honey, dont worry. He laid on the horn.
The man didnt budge. The groom rolled down the window and leaned out.
Hey pal, get out of the road, I almost killed ya!
The stranger said nothing. Instead he reached into his coat and pulled out a canvas bag. He
reached inside and pulled out a mass of feathers. It was a writhing chicken with its legs bound in twine.
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Whats the big idea huh? Get out of the way!
The man then drew a knife out of his coat pocket, flashing it in the cars headlights. Cackling, he
brought it to the chickens throat and quickly drew it across, spraying crimson blood over the
windshield.
Jesus Christ! the groom shouted as the blood got in his eyes. He steered around the stranger
and sped off.
Oh my god! Dearest what was that?
She made the sign of the cross.
Youve got blood all over you!
The groom turned on the windshield wipers, clearing the blood from the windshield.
I dont know honey, just some damned lunatic. He got chickens blood all over my favorite shirt
for Christs sake.
Let me wipe it off your face dear
She pulled a handkerchief from her purse and extended it towards him. He batted her away.
Its fine, let me drive! Ill wash it off in the hotel.
Oh Im frightened. I dont like this crazy state with its crazy lunatics. I just want to get to the
room. Do drive fast dear. said the bride.
You dont have to tell me twice. The speedometer read fifty-five. He pushed it to sixty.
Why dont you take a nap honey, Ill wake you when were there.
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They bride dozed off. The groom struggled to keep his eyes open. He turned up the radio again.
I fell in to a burning ring of fire, I went down, down, down and the flames went higher

Sometime later, the bride awoke. She looked at the clock. It read: 11:07.
Honey, shouldnt we be there by now? Its been almost an hour and a half.
Well, according to the map, we should be there any moment. He replied.
Are you sure you didnt miss the exit?
Yes honey Im sure, I havent seen any signs for miles.
Well maybe there wasnt a sign? Have you been looking for exits?
Yes dear, I have been looking. We are not lost. Just be quiet and let me drive.
The car went nimbly around a few more turns. A billboard appeared on their left.
Your smile has never been whiter! Colgate
Honey dearest, we passed that sign an hour ago! We must be lost! said the bride.
I havent gone off the road even once; it must be a duplicate sign. Im telling you well be there
any moment, I have no doubt. He had his doubts.
Are you sure? Weve been driving quite a while. Look, its almost midnight! You should pull
over dear, youre tired. I dont mind driving.
Its fine dear. Im telling you, I can handle it. Were almost there.
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Honey, I really think you should pull over. Im worried were lost.
The groom shouted.
Were not lost! And Im not pulling over! Just sit and be quiet, well be at the hotel any second,
Im sure of it!
She sat quietly for almost sixty seconds.
Dear, please pull over will you, Im afraid! she said finally.
If I pull over, well never get there! Just look at the map, we should be there any-
LOOK OUT! screamed the bride.
The man in the hat appeared in the middle of the road again. Again the groom slammed on the
brakes. The stranger stood there, still clutching the dead chicken leaking sanguine on to the road, still
grinning. The groom rolled down the window again.
Hey whats the matter with you? Whats going on here! He demanded.
Im sick of these tricks! Get out of the damn road!
The stranger again started to cackle. He threw the decapitated chicken on to the hood of the
car.
The groom shoved the accelerator downward. The car exploded forward with the force of six
hundred horses. Three thousand pounds of luxury iron and steel slammed into the stranger. His body
smacked into the hood of the car, his head splashed blood onto the windshield before being dragged
under the car. They sped away, leaving the bloody corpse of the stranger sprawled on the median.
Oh my god! Youve killed him! What on earth is wrong with you!? she pleaded.
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Shut up! Just shut up! He was just some psycho! Were going to get to the hotel, any minute. I
just know it!
Darling please pull over, youre scaring me!
Dammit, I cant pull over, were going to miss our reservation! Just let me drive!
Honey please
Just shut up!
Oh god, what have I done! I knew this was all a mistake! she said as she turned away, staring
out of the window.
What was a mistake? said the groom.
No answer.
What was a mistake! this time shouting.
This marriage! This honeymoon! Being trapped in a car married to a lunatic! It was all a
mistake!
The groom took his eyes off the road and fixed them on her. The blood shined on his face.
Yeah well it looks like youre stuck. Youre stuck with a lunatic and Im stuck with a nagging
bitch!
The bride gasped and glared back at the groom. She looked away and turned up the radio, this
time as high as it would go.
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You know the day destroys the night. Night divides the day. Tried to run, tried to hide! Break
on through to the other side! Break on through to the other side!
The groom pushed the speedometer to seventy, whipping wildly around the curves.
He flew down the highway, looking desperately for any sign of an exit, any escape from the
damned Cadillac. Nothing appeared except for endless curves along the mountainous road.
A billboard appeared on their left.
Your smile has never been whiter! Colgate!
Oh my god! We are lost! Im begging you, pull over! the bride pleaded.
The groom gave no response. He whipped around every curve, faster than ever,
can you still recall, the time we cried: Break on through to the other side, break on through to
the other side!
A green sign could be seen ahead.
This must be the exit, see? begged the groom.
Newport beach: 25 miles read the sign.
Oh my god. Pull over for the love of God!
The groom pushed the accelerator further. He peered ahead with burning eyes.
The bride began to sob.
Someone get me out of this car! she begged.
Again a dark figure appeared in the road ahead.
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Slow down! shrieked the bride.
The stranger stood there, bloody and cackling, shaking the dead chicken in the air with both
hands.
The groom slammed on the breaks and veered to the rock face on the left. He overcorrected
and spun out. The bride screamed. The side of the car smashed through the guard rail on the right side
of the road. The car flew off the vertical cliff and hurdled through the air, engine roaring, radio still
blasting.
The gate is straight, deep and wide! Break on through to the other side! Break on through to
the other side!