Felissa Kelly

7/1/14
Myself as a Communicator
I perceive my interpersonal communication skills as being logical, fair, blunt, and reasonable. I
feel confident in my abilities to communicate clearly and honestly, but not always effectively. I
am learning to identify the different types of conflicts, but my response is not always the most
appropriate. I am a very emotional person and have had the tendency to let my emotions get the
best of me. At times, I have lost control, not knowing how to regulate my verbal outburst or
refrain from destructive, dysfunctional behaviors. My imperfections or malfunctions during a
'communication breakdown', has redirected my sleep sanctuary to a cold cement bench, where
my only friend was the local bail bondsman. This incident was an eye-opener to say the least.
When I am presented with a situation that I feel can be or should be changed, I dont hold back
my feelings, aka my opinion, needs, or concerns. I consider or refer to this as being, live and
direct! Straight to the point, no fluffy stuff, just the, how I see it approach. Especially when
my argument is stronger than theirs. I also have the tendency to assertively cram my opinion
down their throat, all while trying to maintain a genuine sincerity in understanding their point of
view, and even surrendering my vulnerability by being open to their suggestions. And when
listening to the other party, I try to make every attempt to understand and respect their message,
by analyzing their feelings or opinion before responding. However, there have been times when I
am uncomfortable having to initiate a conflict conversation, because I feel threatened or
intimidated by the individual. During these times, I try to ease my pain by using humor or
sarcasm. Which can be counter productive and doesnt resolve the situation. It usually leaves
them confused, or even worse, they do not take me serious. Usually due to not understanding my
intentions of the conversation originally. So, upon evaluation of how I handle conflicts, I feel
like my behavior is most like the collaborate style, Lets work this out together so we can both
get our needs met. Or my other approach is compromise, Lets negotiate and creatively solve
this problem together; I give you give, and hopefully there is a meet in the middle resolution.
Since I have taken more days to complete this assignment, I was able to conduct more research
by interviewing more than 3 close friends or family members. When I asked them the question,
"What is it like to have a conversation with me?", the results were not surprising. The consensus
via the consortium, reflected that they also perceive my communicating ability as being effective
and clearly able to articulate my needs, opinions, views or concerns in a very honest (blatantly or
outspoken at times), but over all genuine and respectful. "You tell it how you see it!", was a
popular response from everyone! And I truly believe that issues will not ever have closure if the
people involved are not being real or able to have a voice when verbally assessing the situation.
Or the honest (possibly selfish expectation) of how they want the conflict be resolved. Being as
honest and open about the topic at hand, is the obvious intention to resolve it mutually and
respectfully.
However, when I asked my mother her input, she didn't hesitate by blurting out, "You could use
some improvement!" In retrospect, as a young child I vividly remember being scolded on a
constant basis to, "Watch what you say and how you say it" or "Don't you use that tone with me
young lady"! As well as, "Choose your words wisely!", the silly part is at that age I would be
thinking in my head, "That's what I meant to say and what is tone?... I'm confused!"
The biggest weakness that was reported, is my inability to control my emotions or getting so
flustered that, "You fly off the handle and all Hell breaks loose!", or not having the appropriate
wordage when handling a delicate situation. Unfortunately, I concur with these statements. I
often find myself needing a bigger vocabulary, and the desire to be more eloquent with words. I
would like to be more assertive and less aggressive when speaking to others. I have been told
that, "You are so bossy!", so taking that into consideration, I would like to be more
understanding and soft when delegating projects or tasks. Early on, I came to realize that some
people are ultra sensitive when they are, "told what to do", and especially, "how to do it!" And
last but not least, I can express until I'm blue in the face, but when I feel personally attacked or
threatened with abandonment. My communication skills are out the window! And as
unbecoming as verbal assaults are, I hide behind the absolute opposite of my actual feelings!
Saying hurtful mean things, that unfortunately can not be withdrawn after being tossed around
during 'communication assault' on other. But, I feel that by me recognizing my flaws will only
lead to personal growth.