Student Name: _________________

College Essay Explanation

Writing an excellent college essay can actually be fun. Its a challenging and innovative way
to try to sell yourself to the college of your choice, and there are many different ways to go about
it.

We understand that the length requirements and the prompts for each essay are very different.
We only ask that you submit to us one of your longer essays.

See the two appendices below for advice on how to craft your unique essay. You may also
meet with us to discuss how to get started on your essay.

We understand that you may have to write anywhere from 1 to 10 essays. Please only submit
1 for gradingwe can talk about your others if you would like.

We also understand that these are difficult to grade. Yet we reserve the right to do so. While
not a reflection of the personality and character you pour into the essay, the grade will be a reflection
of how clearly and creatively you are able to convey a chosen message.

We will grade your essay on the Six Traits of Writing following the rubric on the next page.





















Six Traits Writing Rubric










6
Exemplary
5
Strong
4
Proficient
3
Developing
2
Emerging
1
Beginning
Ideas & Content
main theme
supporting
details
Exceptionally clear,
focused, engaging with
relevant, strong
supporting detail
Clear,
focused,
interesting
ideas with
appropriate
detail

Evident main idea with
some support which may be
general or limited
Main idea may be
cloudy because
supporting detail
is too general or
even off-topic
Purpose and main
idea may be
unclear and
cluttered by
irrelevant detail

Lacks central
idea; development
is minimal or non-
existent

Organization
structure
introduction
conclusion
Effectively organized
in logical and creative
manner
Creative and engaging
intro and conclusion
Strong
order and
structure
Inviting
intro and
satisfying
closure

Organization is
appropriate, but
conventional
Attempt at introduction and
conclusion
Attempts at
organization; may
be a list of
events
Beginning and
ending not
developed

Lack of structure;
disorganized and
hard to follow
Missing or weak
intro and
conclusion
Lack of
coherence;
confusing
No identifiable
introduction or
conclusion

Voice
personality
sense of
audience

Expressive, engaging,
sincere
Strong sense of
audience
Shows emotion:
humor, honesty,
suspense or life
Appropriat
e to
audience
and
purpose
Writer
behind the
words
comes
through
Evident commitment to
topic
Inconsistent or dull
personality

Voice may be
inappropriate or
non-existent
Writing may seem
mechanical

Writing tends to
be flat or stiff
Little or no hint of
writer behind
words

Writing is lifeless
No hint of the
writer

Word Choice
precision
effectiveness
imagery
Precise, carefully
chosen
Strong, fresh, vivid
images

Descriptiv
e, broad
range of
words
Word
choice
energizes
writing
Language is functional and
appropriate
Descriptions may be
overdone
Words may be
correct but
mundane
No attempt at
deliberate choice

Monotonous,
often repetitious,
sometimes
inappropriate

Limited range of
words
Some vocabulary
misused

Sentence Fluency
rhythm, flow
variety
High degree of
craftsmanship
Effective variation in
sentence patterns
Easy flow
and rhythm
Good
variety in
length and
structure
Generally in control
Lack variety in length and
structure
Some awkward
constructions
Many similar
patterns and
beginnings
Often choppy
Monotonous
sentence patterns
Frequent run-on
sentences
Difficult to
follow or read
aloud
Disjointed,
confusing,
rambling
Conventions
age appropriate,
spelling, caps,
punctuation,
grammar
Exceptionally strong
control of standard
conventions of writing

Strong
control of
conventions
; errors are
few and
minor

Control of most writing
conventions; occasional
errors with high risks

Limited control
of conventions;
frequent errors do
not interfere with
understanding
Frequent
significant errors
may impede
readability

Numerous errors
distract the reader
and make the text
difficult to read

Appendix 1: an article taken from the U.Va Admissions website on how to write an essay.

Writing the Essay: Sound Advice from an Expert
by Parke Muth

Fast Food. Thats what I think of when I try to draw an analogy with the process of reading application essays.

The bad. Ninety percent of the applications I read contain what I call McEssays usually five-paragraph essays that consist
primarily of abstractions and unsupported generalization. They are technically correct in that they are organized and have the
correct sentence structure and spelling, but they are boring. Sort of like a Big Mac. I have nothing against Big Macs, but the one I
eat in Charlottesville is not going to be fundamentally different from the one I eat in Paris, Peoria or Palm Springs. I am not going
to rave about the quality of a particular Big Mac. The same can be said about the generic essay. If an essay starts out: I have
been a member of the band and it has taught me leadership, perseverance and hard work, I can almost recite the rest of the essay
without reading it. Each of the three middle paragraphs gives a bit of support to an abstraction, and the final paragraph restates
what has already been said. A McEssay is not wrong, but it is not going to be a positive factor in the admission decision. It will
not allow a student to stand out.

A student who uses vague abstractions poured into a preset form will end up being interpreted as a vague series of abstractions. A
student who uses clich becomes, in effect, a clich. If we are what we eat, we are also what we write.

Not only does a preset form lead to a generic essay, so does a generic approach to what is perceived as the right topic. Far too
many students begin the search of what to write about by asking: What does my college want to hear? The thinking goes
something like this: If I can figure out what they are looking for, and if I can make myself look like that, then Ill improve my
chances.

Several years ago we asked students to describe an invention or creation from the past that was important to them. Our No.1
response at least a thousand people was the Declaration of Independence. This might make some people think that our college
bound students are wonderfully patriotic, but given that my institution was found by Thomas Jefferson, I have a better answer.
My guess is that a significant portion of the people who chose the Declaration did so because they thought we would want to hear
about how much they admired Thomas Jefferson. While this may be a noble sentiment or, in some cases, a cynical maneuver, it
ultimately meant that we had a thousand essays that sounded pretty much alike and therefore did not affect the admission
decision. We are not looking for students who all think the same way, believe the same thing, or write the same essay.

Too often, however students who want to avoid sounding generic with respect to form or content choose exactly the wrong
remedy; they think that bigger topics or bigger words are better. But it is almost impossible, in 500 words, to write well about
vast topics such as the death of a loved one (see excerpt: the bad). I am not advocating longer essays (just remember how many
applications admissions officers need to read); I am advocating essays with a sharp focus that allows for detail. Detail is what
differentiates one essay from another, one applicant from another.

Instead of detail, however, students try to impress us with big words. In trying to make a topic sound intellectual, students resort
to the thesaurus and, as a result, end up sounding pretentious or at least insecure about using the voice they would use to describe
an event to a friend. The student assumes that these impressive words intensify the experience for a reader rather than diminish
it. Before students send off their essay, they should always read it aloud to someone who knows them well; let that person decide
if an individuals voice comes through.

The good. A good essay is not good because of the topic but because of the voice. A good writer can make any topic interesting,
and a weak writer can make even the most dramatic topic a bore.
Students need only to recall the difference between two simple concepts showing and telling. A good essay always shows; a
weak essay always tells.

By showing, a writer appeals to all of the senses, not just the visual. To show means to provide a feast for the eyes, ears and,
depending on the essay, the mouth, nose or skin. But rather than telling a reader what show is, it is much easier to show what
showing is.

The student whose essay appears below, an example of the good, has undertaken the task of describing that is, of showing, in
detail the deterioration of her father as he gets treated for cancer. I do not know of a single member of our staff who was not
deeply affected by this essay, the whole of which is as well done as the excerpt. What is impressive about the essay is the
willingness of the writer to carefully notice everything that is happening. She opens with a sound, that coughing, and then creates
a visual scene that we can see clearly. I said before that writing about death and sickness is perhaps one of the most difficult
topics to tackle in a college essay, but here we have an example of why this topic can demonstrate not only writing ability but the
courage to face a terrible situation head-on with intellect and power. Compare this with the other essay about death. There, even
though the writer was saturated with emotions, he was merely telling us, in abstract terms, what he felt.

A writer who shows respects the intelligence of the reader; a writer who tells focuses on the ideas, or the perceived ideas, behind
the details. He or she is more concerned about demonstrating the ability to be abstract then the ability to be precise. In a short,
personal essay, precision is power.

The risky. Any student who has already learned the basics of showing should think about taking a risk on the college essay.
What kind of risk? Think about starting an essay with: I sat in the back of the police car. Or, as in the example (below): The
woman wanted breasts. These first sentences use what journalists call a hook. The sentence reaches out from the page and grabs
our attention. It creates a bit of controversy and an expectation that the writer might be willing to take academic risks in the
classroom. A good hook does not mean that a good essay will follow, but it does mean that a reader will look forward to seeing
what will unfold.

A risky essay can border on the offensive. In some cases, as in the excerpt, it is possible that a few readers might write off an
applicant based upon questionable taste. That is the danger of taking a risk. People wonder if they will be penalized if they do
take a risk in an application. They want to know, in other words, if there is any risk in taking a risk. Yes, there is. I can say,
however, that my experience in the admissions field has led me to conclude the great majority of admissions officers are an open-
minded lot and that to err on the side of the baroque might not be as bad as to stay in the comfort of the boring.

The best essays are crafted not from a formula for success but by a voice that is practiced. Those who are willing to take a risk, to
focus on that part of the world that matters to them and to show the passion and the practice it takes to write about it well, will
help their chances of admission through their essay.

Excerpts from essays to U.Va.

The bad: From an early age, we accept death as the inevitable, but do not comprehend its actual denotation. Death is the
impending future that all people must eventually grasp. In my early teens, my grandfather tragically perished. As a youth who did
not identify with such a cataclysm I was saturated with various emotions. Initially, I was grieved by the loss of a loved one and
could not understand why this calamity had to befall upon my family. I always considered death to have a devastating effect, but
was shocked by the emotional strain it places upon an individual.

The good: The coughing came first, the hacking in the middle of the night. Then there were the multiple doctor visits, each one
the same: the little white rooms with magazines where I tried not to stare at the bald, gaunt woman across from me. One of the
white coats finally said something, steadily, forecasting an 80 percent change of rain. The list of second opinions grew too long to
count, looking for someone to say the right thing. Finally, there was relief in hearing the name of a kinder killer: lymphoma.

The risky: The woman wanted breasts. She had fame waiting on her like a slave, money dripping from her fingertips and men
diving into her being. Yet she wanted breasts because the world wanted her to have a bust. She looked at the big black and white
glossy of herself arching on a silken carpet and knew that the world would be satisfied with her airbrush deception.

This woman is us. My family has been in existence for nearly 20 years now, and we are aging and losing our own breasts and
tight face the giddy happiness of a childs unconditional love for his family, the young familys need for each other. Yet, we are
constantly pressured by societys family icons into compromising our change and age instead of accepting it.
Appendix 2: Notes from a presentation by an admissions dean from the University of Virginia

UVa Presentation on Writing a College Essay
with Macy Lennox
Do essays matter?
Yes. Colleges spend a decent amount of time reading the essays. Not the most important aspect of the application process but a
great factor in distinguishing students apart from another.

What type of person are they looking for?
Colleges are looking for different things yet they all want to admit people to their communities, not just to their admissions
statistics. For example, U.Va says that they want people who are passionate in the classroom and compassionate in the
community. The essay is the way to tell the admissions counselor what you are going to bring to a university, the one time a
student can talk to the reader. Use that time wisely.

What you shouldnt do
1. McEssays: the essays that are similar to others.
2. Five paragraph essays. You dont need an introduction to your introduction which is the college essay.
3. Disney essays: essays that are very clich. What was the epiphany? The difference between looking out of the
window and seeing a broad image, and looking in the mirror and seeing a specific instance. They want to know what
happened to you, not what happened in the world.
4. Blue Soup essays: When the essay tries too hard. Trying to present oneself in a big way, tackling a topic to show
intelligence. Fake effect. Bring out something personal in the essay and be genuine.
5. Death by Committee- ask for feedback on the essay, but dont let anyone change your voice. Use peers and teachers
for grammar and organization issues.

What you should do
1. Distinguish yourself from the competing students, talk in a way that conveys who you are.
2. Be descriptive and personal-think about one instance specifically.
3. Add imagery.
4. Keep the essay concise, not too long.
5. Be bold and unique.
6. Use your voice!

How to get the reader to continue reading the essay
1. Hook the reader in a unique and different way.
2. Numbers they have to read literally thousands of essays. Chances are good they wont have more than a couple
minutes to read your essay. What feeling or effect do you want your essay to have? Do that.