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Madison Traina
Ms. Patroni
English 111
29 September 2014
Quick! I Lost My Perception
To be lost can actually mean that youve been found. And I dont mean in a my
smartphone died as Im on the way to the grocery store, so I made a wrong turn and somehow
ended up in Kansas sort of way. I mean in an absolute, total, loss of perception sort of way. Life
feels disheartening when you lose what you think is your identity. But when you lose something
like that, you usually gain something that you dont know you have yet: strength, resilience,
passion, love, religion, beauty, happiness (really, you could gain anything). Its sort of like your
secret super power; sense its something that makes you special. I experienced that loss of
perception. Ive found that because my perception changed, God took me on a journey that
absolutely changed every part of my life. And after years of hiding my true self and personality
for fear of being rejected (I was rejected anyway), I finally decided to be me.
When I was fourteen, my family and I began to move away from the Protestant Church
we had been attending for a little more than a decade. It felt legalistic and controlling and they
wanted all of their members and guests to have a nice pretty outward appearance; they
encouraged this. So, to make a very long story short, when my family began to pull away, all of
my friends and mentors did the same. And around this time, a family member and two of my
cousins had gotten in an argument. Others attempted to get involved, rather than let those
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teenagers who had had the argument work it out amongst themselves. That is when a family
member capitalized on the disagreement and used it to separate our family from theirs and
others. All of those friends and mentors who had said things and made promises stopped
speaking to me. Unfortunately, I had put all of those eggs in one basket and when it dropped,
those eggs smashed.
When we left that Church, I felt so lost. It was then that our family began to look at a life
outside of and away from what had been our comfort zone. My dad began looking at other jobs
in his company and when an opportunity opened up for us to move to North Carolina, we jumped
at it. The only problem, we were still selling our house and we werent sure how we were going
to work with my dad starting a job four states away from us. We prayed about it as a family,
then, the day my dad was driving from Florida to North Carolina to start his job, we got three
offers on our house. We accepted one and had to move (and pack) our entire house in twenty
days.
Then, for the next 40 days our family lived in a 500 square foot hotel room (we called it
our Noahs Ark experience) here in North Carolina. Somehow, we made it through that entire
trial without one single argument (We spent a lot of time in Target). I didnt really think about
how deeply everything that had happened in the past had affected me or how it had changed my
point of view. I felt alone and lost, but the thing about being lost is that even when youre lost,
you dont really realize it till you get some perspective.
Getting perspective felt like looking through a pair of 3-D glasses. Things look like one
thing in one color, different in another, and different together. I didnt want things to change, I
wanted things to stay the same, I wanted something familiar. But things as the same werent
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good or healthy for me, it was really keeping me bound. I felt like God took off my glasses and
said look, that really stank, and Im sorry that you had to experience that. But I want you to
grow from this and experience my complete love. And on the eve of my parents twentieth
wedding anniversary, our family went back to the Greek Orthodox Church, the Church my
parents were married in.
Never in my life, have I ever felt so excepted for just being me. Greek Orthodox Church
is steeped with tradition and history, with icons, candles, incense, and the singing of prayers
written by saints. It feels like Im experiencing the Church that the Apostles had started
thousands of years ago and it is incredible to know that all over the world, people are
experiencing the same Church service (or Liturgy) as me. My favorite part is when they read the
Lords Prayer in four different languages (Greek, Russian, Syrian, and English), it just shows the
community and unity of the Church. But I think the thing that I really love is that when we are all
taking Communion, we are all equal before God and you can feel his love for us all and nothing
that you do will change that.
It almost feels like the world is being lifted off your shoulders when you realize Oh!
Wow! I dont have to try to be perfect all the time. And I know I will make mistakes and
struggle to make good decisions, but its okay, its life. Its expected to stumble, but the thing
that is most important is that you get back up again, because you cant wallow in those old
feelings. I feel like Im looking at the world with a new set of eyes, experiencing the world all
over again. I feel hungry and slightly greedy as I want to experience everything in a new light.
Sometimes, its okay to be lost, because it can bring you to a new and beautiful life. I
dont regret my past experiences, because without them, I wouldnt be here (spiritually,
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mentally, physically, or geographically). They have shaped me and built me into this new person
(that I actually like) who is glad that she lost her perception. Because if I never lost what was
safe and familiar, I never would have gained this new and beautiful perspective.