Zoe Fox

UWRT 1103
November 11, 2014
Final Draft
In the Beginning
The day that has forever changed my life all started when I heard the words your dad has had an
affair. A typical February day had turned upside down within a few minutes of leaving school.
That whole entire day of school I was feeling oddly sick. My mom came to pick me up from
school early, and I knew something was wrong when my grandmother was sitting in the
passenger seat. The whole ride home was silent until my mom finally bottled up enough courage
to tell me that my dad was having an affair. My stomach sickness soon disappeared and turned
into utter shock and disappointment. My parents continued to fight and scream for hours until my
mom finally forced my dad to leave. A year later my mom finalized the divorce papers and could
not be any happier but yet still feel so alone. That day has left me questioning every person and
relationship in my life. Does this person really love me? Will I ever be able to trust anyone,
especially in marriage? Ever since that day I have seen so many different changes in my mom.
On some days I can tell that she is lonely and very depressed, but on other days I see happiness
and freedom. I have also been able to witness a change in the relationship with my siblings. My
brothers have become more distant from both me and my parents because they move back and
forth every week. I, on the other hand, only live and talk to my mom so we have been able to
become so much closer. In just this short amount of time a divorce has already had such a large
effect on my family. Every member of the family has been psychologically effected by the
divorce in some way whether it be positive or negative. In our society today, divorce can be seen

as both a positive and negative decision based on different factors that go into the divorce. Many
different psychological effects can stem from a divorce that have the ability to affect someone
for the rest of their life. My personal belief is that divorce should never be seen as an easy way
out but in some cases it can be necessary. The lyrics from Shadow of the Day state that
Sometimes solutions arent so simple, sometimes goodbyes the only way (Linkin Park). These
lyrics show that sometimes a divorce is the only thing that can solve a couples problems. Even
though a divorce is not the ultimate plan after a marriage, it is something that our society could
not go on without. Having people forced to be in unhappy relationships would only cause more
problems. With this being said, I am still unsure about the need for divorces and the view on
what is an acceptable divorce. I feel as though they can take away from the importance of a
marriage because people will think that even if it does not work out they can always just get a
divorce. Society also has different views on a divorce based on if it is due to adultery, loss of
love, or an abusive relationship. Every factor changes the reasoning behind the divorce and this
can effect whether the divorce is accepted as reasonable or not.

Some Things Are For the Better

Most of society sees divorce as a negative experience. This may be true for a lot of situations but
every now and then you can find that divorce was a positive experience for someone. If the
relationship between the parents was always positive and the divorce was mutual, then the
divorce can end up having a positive effect. Having a divorce can allow the people in that
relationship to feel freedom and independence again. Clark-Stewart claims that divorce benefits
people, leading to more autonomy and personal growth, improved career opportunities, richer
social lives, better parenting, and improved self-confidence (76). Some people can find that

marriage was not for them and that they need to move on in their life for the better. Why should
someone have to stay in a relationship and marriage if they will be better off without it? I do not
believe that divorce should become an easy out for couples, but in specific circumstances they
can be necessary. In the end I feel that everyone needs to be happy, it just may take some
experience and a divorce before someone can reach that happiness. Everyone has a different
opinion on divorce and its acceptability. For example; some religions believe that divorce is
only acceptable in the case of adultery. My family is very religious and divorce was a hard
obstacle to overcome but the people in our church understood because it was a situation that
involved adultery. Different people cope with different problems in all kinds of ways. The
positive effects of divorce can cause someone to gain psychological viewpoints on their life.
They begin to see life form a whole new positive view and are able to move on and be successful
without the burden of a failing marriage.

The Down-Side
Divorce can cause negative effects for both adults and children. Adults will suffer from different
effects like: depression, stress, loneliness, and loss of self-confidence. Most divorced adults
either end up quickly remarrying someone because they cannot handle the loneliness, or staying
single because they have lost trust in others and love. Children will suffer from effects such as:
denial, abandonment, anger, depression, immaturity, and guilt. Even though divorce can have a
negative effect on everybody, it definitely effects children on a larger and long term scale. I
come from a divorced family and can openly say that it has caused major stress, depression, and
trust issues for me and the divorce happened when I was 17. It causes someone to really rethink
the idea of a lifetime partner and lose faith in the reality of a lasting marriage. Whitton states that

many young adults from divorced familiesbelieve that couples do not have the ability to
overcome marital conflicts (paragraph 2). These kids also have to deal with the separation of
parents and the stress of having to either choose one parent over the other, or constantly moving
every other week to see both parents. Huurre says that it is possible that parental divorce can set
in motion a chain of indirect stressful reactions and circumstances that affect an individual in
their later life (6). This means that a divorce not only effects the adults but can also cause a
negative effect in the children that can change their view of love and marriage later on in life. A
divorce has the power to destroy someones view on love for the rest of their life, whether it be a
child or an adult.
What if there are no children?
Married couples that do not have children but divorce will suffer most of the same
psychological problems as couples who do have children. These people are still going to suffer
from things like depression, stress, loneliness, and loss of self-confidence. The only difference
for these couples is that they will not be affecting anyone else other than themselves. Sometimes
these kinds of divorces can be a lot easier because the parents do not have to worry about the
custody of children or even explaining the concept of divorce to the kids. Many divorced parents
have to stay in contact because of their kids even if they do not want to speak to each other.
Having a divorce without kids prevents these forced encounters that can lead to more fighting
and problems between the divorced people. I personally understand that some situations are
unpreventable, but I believe that if a married couple is having any kind of issues in the beginning
they should resolve them or end the marriage right then rather than waiting until kids are
involved. Divorced couples without kids should be able to focus solely on moving on and only
worrying about their own life and future.

A Female Thing
Divorce has an effect on both sexes but studies have shown that it has a greater effect on women
and girls. Women are said to be more emotional than men which causes them to suffer more
extreme effects form a divorce. A study by Whitton shows that women whose parents had
divorced reported lower relationship commitment and less confidence in the future of their
marriages than did women from non-divorced families (Paragraph 3). Females see divorce as a
failed attempt at love and allow this to affect the future of their love lives, or lack thereof. Men,
on the other hand, do not show strong effects by things such as divorce because they are less
emotional than women. Men will begin to suffer from things like loneliness and lack of physical
attraction which will cause them to seek another relationship. This is why men are more likely to
remarry or to remarry quicker than women (mediate). Women will spend a longer time wrapping
themselves in the divorce and letting it emotionally affect them, while men grow lonely and
begin to search for someone new to satisfy the loss. Women tend to suffer through a lot of
different emotional states after a divorce. One study showed that 60% of people under poverty
guidelines are divorced women and children (Mediate). This shows that not only are women
affected psychology, but also financially and this reflections on the children as well. Why are
women more emotional than men? A research articles states that Women typically have a larger
limbic system than men, which makes them more in touch and expressive with their emotions
(fitbrains). Because women are more in touch with their emotions, they will express stronger
emotional responses to a divorce through crying, depression, and stress. Every person deals with
things in different ways so why should women have to suffer more from a divorce just because
they are more emotional. I believe that society should take a step back and see the overall effect

that divorce is having and how it can be changing future generations views on love and
marriage.

Works Cited
Clark-Stewart, Alison, and Cornelia Brentano. Divorce Causes and Consequences. Yale
University and Press, 2006. 67-105. Print. 19 Oct. 2014.
"Gender & the Brain: Differences between Women & Men." Fit Brains Blog. N.p., na. Web. 11
Nov. 2014.
Huurre, T, H Junkkari, and H Aro. "Long-term Psychosocial Effects of Parental Divorce."
European Archives of Psychiatry and Clinical Neuroscience. 256.4 (2006): 256-263.
Academic Search Complete. Web. 20 Oct. 2014.
"Psychological and Emotional Aspects of Divorce." Psychological and Emotional Aspects of
Divorce. Web. 26 Nov. 2014.
Whitton, SW, GK Rhoades, SM Stanley, and HJ Markman. "Effects of Parental Divorce on
Marital Commitment and Confidence." Journal of Family Psychology : Jfp : Journal of
the Division of Family Psychology of the American Psychological Association (division
43). 22.5 (2008): 789-93. Journal of Family Psychology, PsycARTICLES. Print. 18 Oct.
2014.