Beckman 1

Sibling Rivalry; Not a Social Norm

Katelyn Beckman
English 111
November 11th, 2014

Beckman 2

Outline
I. Introduction to Major Research Paper
A. The severity of sibling rivalry
B. Sibling rivalry may be a common social norm among society but sibling rivalry can
cause permanent and dangerous mental affects.
II. Body of Paper
A. Narrative: Social norms are not always correct
1. I was assigned to the red group at Hartley Outdoor Nature Center
2. Group red kept extremely busy throughout the week.
a. Funnel cake making
b. Rock wall climbing
c. News broadcast
3. Confidence course introduction
a. Boosts morale and confidence in the campers
b. Location: Woods
c. Due to last nights rain storm, the woods was filled with mud and water
puddles.
4. The final challenge began
a. Everyone listened to Kylie
b. No one listened to Gavin
c. Group red failed the final challenge
5. Conclusion: Talking to Gavin
a. I inform Gavin he knew how to solve the challenge the whole time
b. Gavin already knows this information and smiles
c. Elaborate on social norms
d. Relate my personal sibling experiences
B. Causal Analysis: Sibling rivalries increase the possibility of developing depression,
anger and anxiety during adulthood.
1. Sibling rivalries are caused by competition, unequal attention, and the fear that
the relationship with the parents is being threatened.
a. Birth of a second child increases unequal attention.
b. New addition to the family also makes the child feel that the relationship
with the parents is at risk.
2. Sibling aggression is expressed in both mental and physical abuse
a. Mental abuse includes name calling, ignoring, and rejecting
b. Physical abuse includes punching, hitting, and biting
3. Sibling rivalries have long lasting mental effects
a. Rate of depression doubles
b. Increased anxiety
c. Economic hardship
d. Lower levels of life satisfaction

Beckman 3

4. Prevention methods associated with sibling rivalries

a. Dont pick favorites
b. Set kids up for cooperation instead of competition
c. Dont compare children
5. Conclusion: Too many parents are being blinded by their preconception of sibling
rivalry being a normal phase of childhood.
C. Proposal: Parents need to be informed of the dangers and also various prevention
methods, including birth spacing and different parenting styles, in order to prevent
sibling rivalry.
1. Parents are not aware of the harmful effects associated with sibling rivalry
a. Depression
b. Economic Hardship
c. Lower levels of life satisfaction
2. Methods of sibling rivalry prevention
a. Birth spacing
b. Parenting style
3. How parents will be informed out the dangers and prevention methods
a. Informational pamphlets will be sent to those who claim more than one child
on their tax breaks.
b. Informational television commercials during televised programs for children
4. Conclusion: Parents need to be informed of the dangerous mental health
problems that arise through sibling rivalries by using informational commercials
and pamphlets.
III. Conclusion: Social norms are not always right, especially regarding sibling aggression. Sibling
rivalries are very dangerous and hazardous to a childs mental health. In order to prevent future
sibling rivalries, parents must be informed.

Beckman 4

An overwhelming wave of anxiety and responsibility rushed over me as I was assigned to

the red group which consisted of 18 5th graders. It was my junior year of high school and I,
being short on volunteer hours for the National Honor Society, decided to volunteer for three
days as a camp counselor at the Hartley Outdoor Nature Center. Being a Chesaning ritual since
my grandparents attended grade school, every spring the 5th-grade class had the opportunity to
attend Hartley.
Group red, along with the rest of the kids at Hartley, kept extremely busy all week. From
rock wall climbing to making funnel cake in a refurbished pioneer house, we were constantly on
the go. Before I knew it, Wednesday morning came around. Group red was in charge of the
morning weather at breakfast. We informed the other campers about a tornado that had
leveled many towns in Oklahoma the day prior. Due to improper planning and preparation for
such a disastrous storm, 237 people were injured (McCarthy). After the morning news
announcements had commenced, I led group red out to the confidence course for their last and
final challenge.
The confidence course was designed to boost morale and confidence in the campers.
From swinging on ropes to balancing beams, group red cheered on each teammate with
enthusiasm. The confidence course, located in the woods behind the lodge, smelled slightly of
dirt and rotting leafs, and was swamped with plenty of mud puddles from last nights rain, but
that didnt stop group red. Equipped with water boots and rain coats, the group was ready for
any challenge I threw at them, or so they thought.

Beckman 5

As I relayed the final challenge instructions, the campers looked at each other,
anxiously waiting to start. I explained to them that they must cross the sand pit of lava one at a
time using only the logs provided. If anyone in the group touched the lava, the group would be
forced to start all over again. The only verbal communication allowed had to take place 20
yards away by the designated birch tree. Due to the lack of time, group red was only allowed
three tries before everyone had to head back to camp to catch the bus back to school.
During my time at Hartley I had spent over 72 hours with group red. They all brought
different qualities to our team and without a doubt, developed new friendships along the way.
But there was one student in particular whom I will never forget. His name was Gavin. He was
the shortest member of our group, but I soon came to realize that wasnt the only reason all of
the other members of group red looked down upon him. Maybe it was the way Gavin dressed
or how he paid more attention to his personal hygiene. Either way, he was different from
everyone else in group red and none of the campers understood why. In addition, Gavin was
also the quietest camper in my group. He didnt necessarily want to be quiet, but the rest of the
group was just simply louder.
Group red began the challenge circled around the birch tree to begin constructing a
game plan. Almost instantly, Kylie spoke over the group to relay her plan. Okay guys, listen up!
I know exactly how to do this! Kylie spewed confidently.
Kylie was one of those girls who simply fit in. Everyone wanted to be like Kylie. After
the campers had listened to Kylies words, they all agreed instantaneously to her plan, with the
exception of Gavin. Gavin attempted yelling his plan over the group almost three times before

Beckman 6

anyone even looked at him. No one wanted to listen to Gavin. Gavin was different. They all
knew deep down that Kylie was right anyway. Why wouldnt she be? Shes always right. The
group tested Kylies method twice, but both attempts were complete and utter failures. Every
time the group met back at the birch tree to discuss their plan of action, Gavin kept trying to
explain to the group his grand idea, but no one listened.
The group was hanging on a thread. They approached the sandbox of lava nervously, as
they all knew it would be their last attempt to complete the final challenge. Following Kylies
revised plan for a third time, the group worked slowly and meticulously. But sure enough, two
campers lost their balance and fell into the pit of lava, resulting in failure for the challenge. The
students looked at each other somberly, but no one said anything.
I stood there astonished. I couldnt comprehend what I had just witnessed. Although I
knew Gavins plan was correct throughout the whole challenge, I remained silent to observe
the groups actions. I was extremely disappointed in group red for not letting Gavin share his
plan, but because of his differences, the group automatically assumed his plan wouldnt work. I
walked over to Gavin as we made our hike back up to the lodge. You were right Gavin. I
admitted.
I know, Im used to it. Shes not always right, you know? Gavin smirked.
Every day we are faced with hundreds of choices, from deciding what to wear to class,
to making a decision on a new major. We base our decision-making process on many various
factors, but there is one factor that most individuals are unaware of, social norms. We make
many choices based on society, politics, and even the group of friends we hang out with. Who

Beckman 7

to talk to, who to listen to, who to believe, even though the social norm isnt necessarily always
correct.
Todays society has a number of unspoken social norms, including maintaining a healthy
personal hygiene, having babies after marriage, and attending college after high school, just to
name a few. But that does not mean social norms are always correct. The most overlooked
social norm in todays society is sibling rivalry. I can remember feeling like Gavin countless
times while growing up. My older brother, Brandon, always seemed to be the center of
attention. Many times, my parents would choose to listen to Brandon over me simply because
he was older. I cannot even begin to describe the frustration and anger this has caused me.
Imagine if Gavin and Kylie were siblings. Think about how much worse the bullying could have
become if Gavin and Kylie were constantly in each other's presence. While peer bullying, in
most cases, is taken extremely seriously, It is still a common belief among many Americans that
siblings who dont get along are normal and sibling rivalries are simply part of growing up, when
in fact they couldnt be any more wrong.
Two people living in within close proximity must learn how to live together in harmony.
As stated by Sloterdijk, In its basic form the sphere appears as a twin bubble, an ellipsoid space
of spirit and experience with at least two inhabitants facing one another in polar kinship. Living
in spheres thus means inhabiting a shared subtlety (Sloterdijk). Among those who live within a
close proximity to us during childhood years are siblings. No one in the world is more
genetically similar to you than your siblings. Siblings play a vital role in a childs life, from
adolescent years to adulthood. Some siblings get along as if they were best friends while others
have feuding rivalries. During crucial periods of physical and mental development, siblings can

Beckman 8

have a permanent impact on each others future mental health. According to Mike Bundrant,
All types of sibling aggression, whether mild or serve, have been shown to have an impact on
mental health if it is allowed to persist over time (Bundrant). There are many different causes
of sibling rivalry including competition, unequal attention, and the fear that the relationship
with the parents is being threatened. Sibling rivalries increase the possibility of developing
depression, anger, and anxiety during adulthood. In some cases, sibling aggression can even be
more damaging than peer bullying.
Sibling rivalries can be caused by various reasons including competition, unequal
attention, and the fear that the relationship with the parents is being threatened (Sibling
Rivalry, University of Michigan). Competition is created, in most cases, by the birth of the
second child. Children feel the need to define who they are as individuals. According to a study
conducted by NHS choices, children have reported that bullying by a sibling is more likely if
there are more than three total siblings (Sibling Bullying Linked to Young Adult Depression).

Beckman 9

Fig. 1. A young boy holding his brother for the first time. Sallan, Bruce. Sibling Rivalry. 2013.
Web. 24 Sept. 2014.
In addition, the birth of the second child contributes to the feeling of unequal attention.
As demonstrated in Figure 1, the child feels threatened by the new family addition and
therefore feels the need to intervene in order to maintain parental attention. Likewise, the
child feels that the relationship between the child and the parents is being threatened by the
new baby. The child has the misconception that the parents will love the baby more than the
child, causing the child to become jealous, which increases the possibly of future retaliation.
Sibling aggression may be expressed in both mental and physical abuse. Mental abuse
may include name calling, ignoring, and rejection, while physical abuse may include punching,
hitting and biting. All of these acts can lead to a sibling rivalry. According to clinical
psychologist Dr. John Caffaro, sibling violence is the most common form of family violence,
occurring far more frequently than parental and spouse abuse (Bundrant). Nearly half of all
children have admitted to experiencing physical violence from their siblings. Sibling violence
occurs more often than often perceived, but its brushed aside simply because society has a
preconceived notion that sibling rivalries are normal and to be expected.
As mentioned previously, sibling rivalries have many long-lasting mental effects that can
carry on through a childs life and into adulthood years. Children who are regularly bullied by
siblings during childhood years are even more likely to develop clinical depression or purposely
harm themselves as adults (Children Bullied by Siblings More Likely to be Depressed). The rate
of developing depression nearly doubles for children who are bullied by siblings (12.3%), in

Beckman 10

comparison to children who were not bullied by siblings (6.4%). Other effects of sibling rivalry
include increased anxiety, more likelihood of experiencing economic hardship, lower levels of
life satisfaction, and less likelihood of living with a partner. Being bullied by siblings, without a
doubt, has a dramatic impact on a childs overall quality of life.
Sibling rivalries may have permanent, harmful effects, but there are still many ways to
prevent and fix sibling rivalries. Experts suggest that parents shouldnt compare their children
to each other, shouldnt play favorites, and should set their kids up for cooperation rather than
competition. When parents play favorites, this causes extreme jealousy among siblings,
inclining them to bully one another. Children need to express their individualism. When parents
compared their children, the siblings individualities are threatened, resulting in sibling
retaliation. Lastly, parents need to stress cooperation over competition. For example, having
kids clean up their room under a certain time limit versus having them compete against each
other to see who can clean their rooms the fastest (Sibling Rivalry, University of Michigan).
Too many parents are blinded by the real bully epidemic: sibling rivalry. While
traditional school yard bullying is still a serious concern to society today, sibling rivalry has
many exceedingly more serious effects on mental development. Sibling bullying can lead a
variety of issues in an individuals adult life, such as depression, anxiety, economic hardship,
and lower levels of life satisfaction. Although aggression among siblings comes naturally, there
are many ways to prevent and fix sibling rivalry in order to prevent these harmful, permanent
mental effects from occurring.

Beckman 11

Too many, sibling rivalries may seem to be a normal occurrence among families. This
growing epidemic of sibling aggression has society blindsided by the real dangers affecting
todays children. Not only do sibling rivalries include both physical and psychological abuse, but
these negative sibling interactions also induce long lasting mental effects. Individuals who have
experienced sibling rivalries during childhood experience more economic hardship, lower levels
of life satisfaction, and are more likely to experience depression into adulthood (Krisberg).
Sibling rivalries can even be worse than peer bullying in many situations. This growing problem
needs to be brought into the limelight. In order to prevent children from forming sibling
rivalries, parents need to be informed of the dangers and also various prevention methods,
including birth spacing and different parenting types.
One of the main reasons why parents do not take action against their rivaling children is
because they are not aware of the harmful, permanent effects that sibling aggression ensues.
As stated before, those who experience sibling rivalry as children are more likely to experience
economic hardship, lower levels of life satisfaction, and are also more likely to experience
depression into adulthood. Children who are regularly bullied by a sister or brother are actually
twice as more likely to develop clinical depression as adults (Children Bullied by Siblings More
Likely to be Depressed). If parents were aware of these permanent mental effects associated
with sibling rivalries then they would be more apt to prevent and stop it.
There are various prevention methods associated with sibling rivalries, including birth
spacing and certain parenting styles. Birth spacing is defined as increasing the age gap between
siblings. This prevention method prevents competition from occurring between siblings, which
may increase possible sibling aggression that may lead to sibling rivalries. For example, Group

Beckman 12

Red consisted of 18 children who were all around the same age. This factor contributed to the
increased competition for attention between Kylie and Gavin during the challenge. If Group Red
consisted of 18 kids at various ages, competition would have been lower among the children.
Parenting styles also have a big impact on siblings. Parenting styles can be categorized into
three major groups, permissive, authoritarian, and authoritative. Permissive parenting, also
referred to as laissez-faire parenting, is a type of parenting style in which the parent has little
control over the child. Authoritarian parenting is a parenting style in which the parent has
maximum control over the child. Authoritative parenting is the happy medium, a combination
of both passive and authoritarian. Also referred to as democratic parenting, authoritative
parents remain in control of their kids but also allow for some leeway for kids to make mistakes
in order to learn from them (Common Parenting Styles). Parents who practice both
authoritative parenting styles and proper birth spacing prevent sibling rivalry more than any
other parenting style. In hindsight, I should have taken an authoritative roll as a camp counselor
when Group Red was ignoring Gavin, but instead I took passive roll and observed quietly. If I
had taken an authoritative role, I could have possibly prevented the bullying by recommending
to the group to listen to campers other than just Kylie.
In addition, parents need to be informed of these dangers and prevention methods
associated with sibling rivalry. In order to accomplish this task I propose government funding be
used to inform the public by sending pamphlets to those who claim more than one child on
their tax breaks and also by broadcasting informational commercials during televised programs
for children. These ways of advertisement will be most effective and efficient to help stop and

Beckman 13

prevent sibling rivalry because of the vast amount of the targeted population being affected by
either one, or both, of these informational tools.
On the contradictory, some parents who believe the government should not tell them
how to raise their children may seem resistant to these informational tools. In order to help
alleviate this unavoidable problem, the pamphlets and informational commercials will be
endorsed by respected institutions, such as the American Psychological Organization. Having
professional endorsements will help solve this issue because then the parents will become
aware that not only the government is concerned with this rising issue.
In conclusion, bullying is not a new problem to society, but most people are not aware
that sibling rivalries are also severe cases of bullying. Sibling rivalries can affect a childs mental
health for the rest of their life. Those who are exposed to sibling aggression experience lower
levels of life satisfaction, increased economic hardship, and also are at an increased risk of
developing clinical depression. Parents need to be informed of the dangers and also prevention
methods associated with sibling rivalries. I propose this be accomplished by sending pamphlets
to those who claim more than one child on their tax breaks and also by broadcasting
informational commercials during televised programs for children. The mental health of the
future generations is at stake. By completing these tasks, many children have the opportunity
for a brighter future.

Beckman 14

Works Cited
Children bullied by siblings more likely to be depressed. Times. 9 Sept. 2014:14. Academic
OneFile. Web. 5 Oct. 2014. < http://0search.proquest.com.library.svsu.edu/docview/199571534/6855950702774DD7PQ/1?a
ccountid=960>
Common Parenting Styles. Prokerala. Prokerala Kids. n.d. Web. 9 Oct. 2014. <
http://www.prokerala.com/kids/parenting/parenting-styles.php>
Bundrant, Mike. Worse than bullying: effects of sibling rivalry can last a lifetime.
PsychCentral. Psych Central. n.d. Web. 24 Sept. 2014. <
http://blogs.psychcentral.com/nlp/2013/12/sibling-rivalry/>
Calladine, Carole E. "Sibling Rivalry: A Parent Education Perspective." Child welfare 62.5 (1983):
421-7. ProQuest. Web. 5 Oct. 2014. < http://0search.proquest.com.library.svsu.edu/docview/61624915/D172289BB89E4DC3P
Q/24?accountid=960>
Kennan Ferguson. "Nobjectivity Sloterdijks Bubbles." Theory & Event 15.4 .2012.
Krisberg, Kim. Effects of bullying last into adulthood. The Nations Health Aug. 2014: 19.
Academic Onefile. Web. 5 Oct. 2014. < http://0search.proquest.com.library.svsu.edu/docview/1555361242/83A36D3A9B4A497
8PQ/1?accountid=960>

Beckman 15

McCarthy, Tom. Oklahoma governor says 237 people injured in tornado- as it happened.
Theguardian. 21 May 2013. Web. 9 Sept. 2014. <
http://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/may/21/oklahoma-city-tornado-liveupdates>
Sibling bullying linked to young adult depression. NHS Choices. Bazian. 9 Sept. 2014. Web. 24
Sept. 2014. < http://www.nhs.uk/news/2014/09September/Pages/Siblingbullying-linked-to-young-adult-depression.aspx>
Sibling Rivalry. Better Health Channel. March 2014. Web. 5 Oct. 2014.
<http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Sibling_rivalr
y>
Sibling Rivalry. University of Michigan Health System. University of Michigan. Oct. 2011. Web.
24 Sept. 2014. < http://www.med.umich.edu/yourchild/topics/sibriv.htm>
The four parenting styles. Parenting Counts. n.d. Web. 6 Oct. 2014.
<http://www.parentingcounts.org/information/timeline/four-parenting-styles/>