Teshuva

Stop the aveira or subjugation to negativity and regret it

Stop the aveira or subjugation to negativity and regret it

Hashem I see that I have done something wrong or am having my energy entertained by
negativity. Thank you for bearing the burden of my confused mind all this time! I see my
confusion, which is that I am forgetting Hashem Echad and that You are the Source of all
vitality and all passion is for directing to learning Torah, fervent prayer and emulating
Your 13 attributes of mercy. I fell victim to the yetzer hara and trapped myself in selfawareness by giving into thinking I have to face "the truth" about myself that..I see the
error even if I dont see exactly what the stumbling block is that caused me to fall into the
grips of the negativity that at the root is innate fear of abandonment or annihilation, fear
of loss of love or value or both that formed as I was shaped and maturing, by internalized
wrong assumptions a child often makes as it "gets the message" of the one shaping. The
message the child gets compounds the pathway to satisfying dependency needs and
relieving resentment with obscuring fears of rejection and annihilation for needing
anything in the first place or trusting anyone. It is enough for me to remember that all
negativity is rough landscaping like a shell over the neshama You breathe into me and
that the task is to activate love in my heart using the power You give me of emunah and
ratzon to reorganize and redirect so that I uplift the fears once again to awe in how
Hashem has created the world, to give us the opportunity to repair the consciousness that
broke when Adom sinned and to bring a quality of luminescence to our garment. Love of
Hashem, like a turpentine, dissolves the earthiness that paints over our soul and once that
has dissolved enough, saying Hashem Echad with recognition of awe in Hashem and how
He has created the world and given us a role in creating influence provides us with the
participation in creating positive influence out of the fallen koach we might call the
Ishmael in us and redirecting the fallen strength we might call the Esav in us for serving
Hashem with bitachon and ernest prayer.
I see the error I made out of fear of loss of love or value and if it was willful I see that
willfulness as another error, a confusion of mind also stemming from fear of
abandonment or annihilation that triggered self-awareness and stimulated defensive
responses based on the native intellect within the shell that exists in time and space. Out
of total love for You, I am bearing the burden of my own confusion of mind because I
choose to view esteem as coming from effort to emulate You. By aligning with You and
the tzelem elokim You breathe into me, I have stopped listening to the native intellect
and am making a different choice. Out of compassion for the Shechina, I totally regret
having pulled the Shechina or kept the Shechina in the galus of my sin/error/unhealthy
pattern. With emunah I wish to reorganize all this energy in fervent prayer and I ask for
forgiveness so that instead I may use the strength of the energy, which strength is an
experience of the soul You give me that I am choosing to release from being trapped in
natural urges, as a stent strengthening instead the channel of mind to heart and dedicating
it to reflecting Torah and Your Attributes into the world, thereby keeping the 9th

commandment, for all relationships are based on remembering that we are made in Your
Image and that the place of the world is Your mind. I wish for my existence in time and
space to reveal Your 13 attributes of mercy

My plan for the future Please see I am sincere

Hashem I have done a cheshbon and in that introspection I see that the error/sin was due
to a blindness that stems from a natural or learned urge, specifically, I mistakenly thought
happiness would come from and that I had to rely on my own hand trusting in
myself instead of in You to secure love or value. I realize that happiness comes only
from learning Torah, fervent prayer to You, and emulating Your 13 Attributes of Mercy
and that You alone are just, merciful and trustworthy. All love and value come from
identifying our esteem based on being made in Your image and the effort we make to live
with that consciousness.
If at this point in the teshuva the next thought is something that is blaming another person
or circumstances, notice this and say Hashem I realize that You Alone set my behira. I do
not wish to blame anyone, certainly not Hashem who is just, merciful and completely
trustworthy! Rather because it has come from You even though it may have come
through a conduit, and because all there is in the world is You, I realize there is a positive
choice that You desire from me in fulfillment of my role within Nishmas Am Yisrael and
all of these circumstances are nothing more than an elaborate illusion to stimulate within
the makeup that You design for me the opportunity to do the repair that would be sweet to
You. Because You have given this matter in assignment to me and everything You do I
can trust to be good, there is something I am responsible to do teshuva for and hopefully I
ask that the teshuva have a ripple effect to create healing, bracha, merit and redemption
for all Klal Yisrael.

Forgiveness
Align with Hashems 13 Attributes of Mercy and forgive
Ask Hashem for forgiveness from above
It was You Who decided to present me with the challenge that I failed or experienced a
negative reaction that I am trying not to fail by calling out to You. With awe in Hashem
for how He creates the world, meaning that Hashem has given each of us a neshama
empowered to heal the matter, I choose to forgive all the parties who might be involved
and all the parties who might have affected those parties, as many generations back as it
might go, for I see that their blaming and shaming stems from their defensiveness
experienced by fears of their own abandonment or annihilation that trapped them. All of
the injuries that have drawn us to not trust people or worse, to trust our survival instincts
more readily than trusting Hashem, I forgive and ask for forgiveness, for using strength in
this matter brings out a fallen emunah, a power that we might call Esav within us, the
desire to subjugate and humiliate in order to dominate when our longings or desires or
will are frustrated - a koach we might call Ishmael within us flows out. Instead all we
want is You, we want to desire only what the Source of vitality deems to be good and we
pray with all our passion for everything to be alright..

With love in my heart, I desire to do Your Will and my plan for the future is whenever I
find myself in that situation or state of mind, to instead remember my love for You so that
I emulate You, trust You, and keep the 9th commandment to not bear false witness against
myself, others or the world, for such thoughts and emotions are like blasphemy.
Humiliation is an experience that can lead us to subjugate to the will of people rather than
the will of Hashem, heaven forfend. Rather, by keeping the 9th commandment which
maintains the utterance let us make man in our image, I choose to subjugate myself only
to Hashem remembering that I and all are made in His Image. Seeing how easy it is to
forget that and be drawn through survival defense mechanisms towards being submissive
to hurtful powerful appearing people, I choose to forgive it, overlook it, be patient with it,
and in so doing, ask that the Shechina released from the galus of my pattern/natural urge
instead be free now and used by You to wipe away my error and forgive all of Klal
Yisrael for similar errors/aveiras for all time, restoring with this emunah the foundations
of water, fire, wind and earth with which the world is formed so that Hashems light is
visible in time and space. May the forgiving remove the mask over the Shechina so that
energy comes into the world as a revealed blessing!

Apologize
Hashem I am sorry for the damage that I have done to Your Name and to the world. There
is no glory in the world other than You. I thank you for helping me find the place of fear
of abandonment or fear of annihilation within me where I stumbled in trusting myself and
not You and thereby sinned. With love in my heart to serve You, I fervently pray that all
my heart and all my soul and all my might be used with complete awareness that we are
never abandoned or annihilated in a two world picture and to trust in You at all times and
turn to You in fervent prayer as the very first response to any challenge. Further, I hope
that my plan of emulating You in order to bring Your Torah and attributes through the
channel of mind to heart into speech and deeds creates healing, bracha and forgiveness
for Klal Yisrael. May this be pleasing to You and I ask that all the destructive beings that
I created as well as any destructive beings created that impacted the matter now become
merits that benefit all klal yisrael and tip the scales in Your Eyes to make our generation
meritorious for redemption.