Rebecca Spicher

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Professor Filbeck
English 091
20 October 2014
Dating Websites: Helping us or Hurting us?
My parents tell me stories all the time about what dating was like when they were
teenagers. They actually had to pick up the phone and call their crush in order to talk to them
since texting was unavailable. With technology being so advanced today, dating has become
much easier, but also much more dangerous. Since the internet became popular, online dating
websites have spiraled. Over the past 15 years, they have turned into a billion dollar industry. A
study recently conducted on July 7th, 2014, by the Washington Post, states that 33% of couples
today have met online and it is predicted that that percentage will increase to 70% by 2040.
Although dating websites are extremely popular and have been successful for many people,
single individuals should consider the alternative, or take the time to research dating websites
before creating a profile. In fact, it has been proven that dating websites can cause not only
behavioral issues, but psychological issues as well.
A study that was conducted by Eli J. Finkel, a Northwestern University Associate
Professor of Social Psychology, digs deep into the underlying psychological truths of online
dating. The 64 page analysis written by Finkel and four other co-authors examines common
websites such as Match, OkCupid, WooMe, and eHarmony. Although these websites have
opened many new doors for single individuals, they also have major downfalls. In an interview
for CNN, Finkel states ; " Online dating is great, it allows people access to

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potential partners they otherwise would not have...However, specific things the online dating
industry does(do), undermines some of its greatness." It has been proven that dating websites
have a way of warping peoples outlooks and expectations of relationships in a way that will hurt
them instead of helping them. Online dating websites cause individuals to rely on the profile of
other individuals way too much. Most of the information that is included on a dating profile,
such as; photos, personality traits, likes and dislikes, is not actually the most useful information
needed to identify a future partner.
Harry Reis, Ph.D , an author and professor at the University of Rochester Medical Center,
makes a valid point that corresponds with Finkel's point of view as well. Reis believes that there
is a difference between what someone thinks they are attracted too and what they are actually
attracted too. Dating websites are basically a shopping mechanism used to "shop" for people.
With the abundance of information that is available on a profile, daters often become very picky
and judgmental. If they see something on someone's profile that they don't like, they can simply
click a button to move on to the next person. This can result in face-to-face interactions
becoming very awkward because of the mentality developed by the process of selecting a person
online. Also, too much online interaction before the initial "first date" can be very misleading. It
is easy for individuals to read emails or text messages in the way they want to hear them, but
when actually meeting the person one can discover that the person gave a false impression of
their true personality.
Filmmaker Nev Schulman can attest to the fact of false impressions. As Casey Lewis
mentions in her article "Nev Schulman on Online Dating, Cyber Bullying, and The Manti Te'o
Controversy," Nev was a victim of "catfishing". This is a modern word used to define someone who

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creates a false identity and pretends to be someone they are not by using some sort of social
media website. Nev experienced this first hand when he fell in love, online, with a beautiful girl
in her twenties, only to find that she was just a middle-aged woman who was bored and lonely.
After experiencing this, Nev felt strongly about raising awareness for this subject so in 2010 he
decided to create and star in a documentary about this situation. Soon after his documentary was
released he created a TV show called "Catfish" that premiered on MTV last November and was
just picked up for a second season. In Casey Lewis's article/interview with Nev, he says, "I'm
hopeful that in the coming years social networks will make strides to authenticate peoples'
profiles, so that you'll have to validate that it's really you....but my gut tells me there's going to be
more Catfish stories because the more we connect with each other online and increase our
connectivity, the less we actually connect in real life with people." This relates back to how
dating websites "warp" people because they become fake as they are allowed to hide behind
technology and essentially create a fictional version of themselves.
Joshua Pompey, who wrote a TED Talk titled "Has Online Dating Turned Me Into a Bad
Person? Confessions of a Professional Online Dater," provides his readers with a perspective of
online dating from the side of the "Catfish." He worships online dating. He claims that he won't
ever be found without the company of at least one beautiful woman. Company meaning, an
online conversation. Online dating allowed him access to a lifestyle he believed could only be
obtained in real life by men who were better looking and more superior than him. This is where
he took on the role of the "catfish." Pompey says in his article, " Stick me in a bar to meet
women and I'm likely to freeze up and falter. But in the online world, I'm a god amongst men."

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His online personality is completely different from his actual personality, which one would only
see if he came out from behind his computer screen. As Pompey writes further into his article he
begins realizing some things that Eli J. Finkel examined in his analysis discussed earlier. Pompey
notices that the more he finds women online, the more he becomes judgmental, superficial, and
unrealistic when it comes to his expectations. Online dating has caused him to set impossible
standards because he has an impossible persona of himself, therefore he is attracting woman who
are completely wrong for him. Joshua claims that years ago he would killed to even have one
option available for a potential partner, but now he can't even focus on one date because he has
twenty-five messages from other women waiting on his phone. Women who are waiting to talk
to a fictional guy that Joshua basically created.
Technology is going to continue to advance, that is inevitable. But what doesn't make
sense is why it has to continue to exist in areas that are hurting the social behaviors of individuals
of all ages. Catfishing and online dating websites should be put to a stop. "Catfishing"
psychologically messes with your brain because in addition to everything else already
mentioned, it causes trust issues. The foundation of all great relationships is trust and if one is
started based on lies then it's never going to work out. Dating websites are very forced and can
be dangerous when trying to find a "soul mate." This generation has become so impatient
because everything is available to us 24/7. With the internet always available individuals can
access anything, and contact anyone at anytime. People need to revert back to the "old
fashioned" way of meeting a potential partner by encountering them in their everyday lives, just
like our parents and our grandparents did.

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As a younger generation, let's take a stand. Who says everyone have to give in to the
ways of modern society? In fact, they can, and should be changed? In society today, people have
given up and have accepted the fact that the dating world is now corrupted. Although online
dating websites might have complicated things over the past decade, this doesn't have to
continue. Let's find a way to compromise between the extreme's of online dating and the lack of
communication when dating in our parent's generation. Try to relax and be patient. When it is
time for one to meet a potential "soul mate" it will happen naturally. Nothing ever works out
well if it is forced. No one can be stopped from using online dating websites, but research should
be done and people can be educated on the negative effects. As readers, consider the alternative
before giving in to the online dating world. And if the decision is made to give in, please
remember all of the psychological and social downfalls that come along with searching for
potential partners online.

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Works Cited
Gardner, Amanda. "Psychologists Highlight Pitfalls of Online Dating." CNN. Cable News
Network, 06 Feb. 2012. Web. 20 Oct. 2014.
"Nev Schulman on Online Dating, Cyber Bullying, and The Manti Te'o Controversy."Teenvogue
Content. N.p., n.d. Web. 20 Oct. 2014.
Pompey, Joshua. "Has Online Dating Turned Me Into a Bad Person? Confessions of a
Professional Online Dater." The Huffington Post. TheHuffingtonPost.com, 06 June 2014.
Web. 20 Oct. 2014.