The Resurgence

Run!
The voice rang inside my head, warning me, but I could not move. I was numb, paralyse by shock and
fear. Just before my mind starts to work, it was already too late. The pain slice through me and I scream
my heart out. There was too much pain, too much. I sank to the floor, holding myself through the pain
and I could feel his gaze upon me. I looked up and saw the determination in his eyes. He pulled the
knife and start swinging it to my head, just before I screamed again..
Game over.
I blinked. Did that just happen? Wohooooo! I win! I win! You owe me ice cream! You owe me ice
cream! Dani shouted while jumping up and down on the sofa, my little annoying lovable little brother.
I just stare at the television with the controller in my hands, gazing at my avatar who is lying
motionlessly on the floor, after being killed by my brothers avatar. Avatars in a game that we are
playing from the Xbox. It is unbelievable. Quite horrifying actually. Me, a 20 year old just got beat up
in a game by my 8 year old brother. Unbelievable.
Dani turns to me and put on a smug face. I told you I will win. Now I want my ice-cream please After
regaining my shock, I turn to him and said,That is not fair. I wasnt really focusing. I want a rematch!
He just laugh and said, But you told me only one game. No rematch at all. So this means I win! I win!
. Yeah, that was before I was really confident I will win this game kid, I groan inwardly.
Ok, fine! You win! I will give you ice cream, I said dramatically with my hands up in the air, giving up.
No ice cream at night you two. A soft voice startled us from behind. Both of us turn and look on our
mother. She looks pale and tired yet still so beautiful despite her age. She is trying to look stern but
failing miserably to hide her smile. I smiled at her while Dani begins complaining,Mamaaa..please,
kaklong already promised to give me ice cream tonight if I win the game. Please.. She just shock her
hear and said,It is already late dear. It is time to go to sleep. You can have some tomorrow ok? Now
let me tuck you in bed and recite dua with you
Dani bowed down his head and mumbled Ok while walked to his room with such a sad and rejected
look. I was trying very hard not to laugh at his cuteness. While my mother tucked Dani in bed, I started
packing the Xbox and cleaned up the mess we made in the living room. When I turned around, I can
see my mother gaze at me lovingly. She said, He is always so happy when you came back from college
for holiday. He keep saying he could not wait to win the game when you came home to play with him.
Well, he wins alright, I grumbled while my mother chuckles at my reaction. I gaze upon her and look
deeply in her eyes, dreading that the time has come. The time that we need this talk. She stop chuckle
and slowly a grim smile etched on her lovely face. We both gaze at each other which feels like a really
long time, one demands answer while the other stubbornly refused to give it. At last, I begin the first
move, Mama, please tell me. I wont hate you, I promise. I really need to know. Is he..I mean..How
long.. I chocked up by the sudden panicked I felt and could not continue my words, already dreading
the answer.
And I could see it, the tears begins to swim in her eyes and the sound of her hoarse voice saying, Rina,
please, dont be angry dear. Yes, he is coming back. He had been contacting me for 3 months now. He
wants to come back to us. Rina, I am so sorry And as I heard it, I could not stop the tears flowing
through my cheeks. My father. He is coming back. The pain was more than the pain of what my avatar
felt. That pain was physical, but my pain was through my heart and soul. Ya Allah..give me strength..

My mind goes numb and before I know it, my mother is already holding me tight, comforting me
through my tears. Rina, I am sorry. I know you are angry and hurt by what he has done before, but
he really changes this time. Please, give him a chance. He really misses you.
My mind is still numb. I could not think of what to say and all I could muttered is Mama, I am really
tired now. Can I please excuse myself to go to sleep now? My mother gaze at me for a long time and
then releases me with a quiet Ok. I walked slowly towards the bathroom, feeling my mothers eyes
are on me all the time. I perform wudu and went to my bedroom and journey to the place where I
will always feel safe and cherished. During sujood is where I pour all my heart out. My tears, my pain,
my resentment and the feeling of helplessness. As I finish my prayer, I began reflecting upon my
feelings. The fact that my father left our family for another women is not the one that pains me the
most. It does hurts but it is my reaction towards my fathers actions that really caused me much more
pain. Every time I remembered about it always brings pain to my heart and as I closed my eyes, the
memory of what happened five years ago began to fill my mind
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It was raining that day. I remember running back home from school, after hearing whispers about my
father at my school. I ran as fast as I can, welcoming the heavily poured rain upon me, wishing what I
just heard would wash away with the rain. That it was just a lie. A whisper of thunder that would just
pass through. But when I reached my home, I could see my mother holding Dani close to her, crying.
I never saw my mother cried and I knew at that time that it was true.
I hate him and what is more, I hate fate. I was kind to people, always advices people to do good to
others, who always fight for what is right but fate was not doing the same thing to me. And so, I blame
Allah. I rebelled. I left Him. I was so angry, so much resentment at my heart and with no understanding
of why this were happening to our family. My mother is kind and devoted to Him and my little brother
is so young and innocent at that time but still, my father left us. Why would Allah let this happen to
us?
Almost every night before my father came back home late with reason that he had so much work to
be done but in reality, he was seeing other women, based on what my mother told me that night after
I pushed her for reasons why my father would do such a thing to us. She said they fought for almost
every night when my mother enquire him of his being late in coming back home. I knew that as I
always heard them fought and in the early morning my father already went to work, leaving Dani and
me almost never see him throughout the day. I should have seen the signs that it was getting worse
but I choose to ignore it, praying to Him in hoping everything will be alright soon. Apparently, my
prayer was not answered. And so, I left Him.
It was the darkest moment of my life. For a year I live in a hell that I built myself into. I left my prayer
and I began rebelling in school, always performing truancy, forming friendships with the wrong side
of the crowd, came home late at night, pick up fights with my mother and other things I am ashamed
of.
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I opened my eyes. Enough Rina, enough. It was a long time ago and every day I am thankful to Him by
guiding me back to His light. It was a miracle I am back on the right path. I wipe my tears and began
reciting al-Quran but the tears still would not stop as it is still painful to let it go..
**********************************************************************************

After performing my Fajr prayer, I prepare myself for breakfast. I could smell the delicious nasi lemak
my mother is making. As I make my way to the kitchen, I saw my little brother sitting on the sofa in
the living room, reading the Xboxs games description so seriously. I could not help myself smiling over
his cuteness. I walked to him and sat next to him, saying, Assalamualaikum Dani and good morning!!!
What are you doing? Arent you gonna have some breakfast? I am so hungry! If I were you, I would sit
in the kitchen and begging mama to cook fast. I winked at him and he just laughed and said,
Hahaha..I dont want nasi lemak, I want ice-cream! I rolled my eyes at his words, sighing inwardly
that I should know that our war last night was way beyond over. Suddenly, his smile begins to fade
into a sad smile. Ayah is coming today. You know that right? I stiffen at his words, my mind begins
to numb again thinking about it. I just nod my head. He continued, I dont remember him very much.
Maybe I was so young at that time. I want to be happy at the thought of finally meeting him today,
but I feel like kaklong is not that happy of seeing him again. Even mama always look sad when she
talked about him. Should I be happy kaklong?
I begin to feel myself losing again to the emotions inside me. Dani always surprises me with his
perceptiveness despite being in such a young age. Dani deserves to be happy to see his own father
again. The pain and the painful memories belongs only to me and my mother, not him. I smiled and
before I could say anything, he continued, Do you know what this game is about? I just bought it a
few days ago with mama before you came back home from college. I hope we can play this together
soon. Well, it is about a warrior and his friends, who must complete a maze fills with tests and dangers
so that they can gain powers in the end which they can use the powers to fight the evil that is
controlling their home village. Each time the warriors are killed by certain tests, the game will begin
again and give them second chance. And if they died again, another chance are given for them and
another, and another if they die until they reach the end. Basically, that is how all the games work
right kaklong?
He gaze at me with seriousness in his eyes and continues, Well, that is how life is too kaklong. Every
time we made a mistake in life, we learn from our mistakes and try to become better than before. It
is the same like the warrior in this game. The warrior in this game is given a chance to try again but he
would do better than before as he learn from his mistakes from previous games. My point is, that, this
is how life works. We are still breathing now and it means Allah is still giving us a second chance to
become better today and in the future. And I think that is what ayah is doing now. He wants to become
better kaklong. He learn from his own mistake and wants to make it up for whatever he had done
before. Who are we to judge and deny him that kind of right?
I could not hold myself much longer. I hugged him hard and still surprise that he is way mature beyond
his age. I know he was always a special boy and a beautiful gift from Allah but still, he keeps surprising
me every time. Dani may not realised this, but he is actually talking about me as well. Yes, I have
already repented but that is not enough. I have to become much better than before. To rise with a
vengeance to try my best to do deeds in life. What is done had been done. It is my past and there is
nothing I could change about it. It will always be a part of me but it had shape who I am really now
and for that, I am thankful. I let him go and wipe the tears, smiling and said Thank you Dani. Thank
you so much. So, what is the name of this game again?
It is called The Resurgence. Mama said it means like a comeback, an improvement from something
to become better I smiled. What a perfect title for our situation now. I hope my father is experiencing
what I also experienced these few years and I prepare myself to forgive him, just like my mother had
done years ago.
The Resurgence huh? So, want to play Dani? And so, let the fight in this life begins.