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INSIDE/ OUT Workshop: Preparing for Marriage Lesson Plans

Objectives:
Participants will recognize healthy relationships through love mapping
Participants will understand why marriage is essential
Participants will understand components of healthy relationship development including
friendship, endurance, and commitment by using the RAM, Hawkins ABCs, and Nollers
Immature and Mature Love models.

Resources: (estimated 60 per class for paper goods)


Notecards
Pens
Paper spouse sheets
Spouse quality purchase baggies for auction
Prezi Presentation
Card to write future spouse letter
Table Display:
Table 1:
Temple Picture Display
Floral Bouquet
Wedding Tulle and Floral rounds on white table cloth
Table 2:
Resources/ Books Used:
-How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk by John Van Epp
-Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl
-Successful Marriages and Families by Hawkins
-John Gottman: 7 Principles of Making a Marriage Work
-Kalonis Blog: Building Forever
Introduction: (estimated 5 minutes max)
Introduction Emaze
Short Intro to Brittany(by Kaloni) and Kaloni(by Brittany) using Emaze Who we are/
qualifications, our objective/ goals, expectations for ourselves as well as for our participants.
Slide 1 from Prezi is on projector display: Finding Yourself From the INSIDE/OUT
Reference the resource materials used:
Introducing the Topic by sharing Brittanys experience with getting married - show temple picture
Use information from Materials to Draw on section
Interactive Activity: (10 Minutes about)
Future Spouse Shopping Spree. Start by introducing characteristics to the class and handing
out money bags and their dress/tux to each of them to spend and use. Explain that we are
going to role-play attending an auction to purchase our Perfect Spouse. Welcome to the
. Auction [person will role-play the auctioneer as a guest] (Auction of characteristic values to
be purchased based on the values that the participants are willing to pay for that quality. Well

write the top price of the quality to reflect on our value in the spreadsheet to show the visual of
on the projector of what participants want.)
Slide 3 (slide 2 is a transitional slide) in Prezi from Elder Bednar -read by guest.

What Do I Look For?(try not to make lessons sound like a seminary class- use secular
materials more than scriptural)
Ask Participants: What is LOVE?
Consistency. Show _Never Go Away clip_ ( and then read by guest from Hinckely book: about
love like star...
Use information from Materials to Draw on section
Slide 4-7 Prezi
RAM (John Van Epp: How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk)
How Well Do I know Quiz (from John Gottman: 7 Principles of Making a Marriage Work)
Immature/Mature Love (Noller study taken from Hawkins: Successful Marriages and Families)
ABCS

Slide 8 (- I have handed out for participants to read as participation)


A-Awareness (Gottard Quote)
-Choosing partner is selecting a set of problems Wallace Gottard.
B- Build Up Relationship (Debi Pearl Quotes)
-Love is like a flower: you cant expect it to grow without sunshine. (chapter. 2) Debi
Pearl
-God gives imperfect women to imperfect men so they can be heirs together of the
grace of life and become something more together than either one of them would ever be
alone. (pg.76) Debi Pearl
- If you fight his inadequacies, both of you will fail. If you love him and support him with
his inadequacies and without taking charge, both of you will succeed and grow (pg.76)
Debi Pearl
C-Continuation or Commitment (Neil Warren Quotes)
- Your choice of whom to marry is more crucial than everything else combined that you
will ever do to make your marriage succeed. Neil Warren
-The truth is, successful marriages require an incredible amount of hard work. I
believe that love is a decision. Neil Warren
D- Deterioration or Decline in Relationship (Hawkins Quote)
"GREAT LEARNING AND MATURITY CAN COME FROM SURVIVING A BREAKUP."
[HAWKINS]
E- End of Relationship
Understanding the Why
Slide 9 (Secular)
Why is Marriage important?
Afflictions are the process by which God cultivates growth we should expect more afflictions
or challenges in marriage than in any other arena of life. Gotthard

Slide 10- Quote by Hawkins read by guest

Interactive Activity: Write a Letter to your future spouse.


Write letter to future spouse directions, what to include
Kaloni bought and pre-stamped cards for them.

Slide 11- Destination of Marriage- transitional slide


Reaching Temple: Video on Enduring Love

Question/Answer Period:
Slide 15 in Prezi: Questions for Us?
Ask for participation questions that we might answer
Real Life Scenario application

Closing Remarks:
Reflect on Interactive Activities Used
Slide 16: End Slide
Announce the next class topic: Individual Happiness and information about the time, place,
date and show Loni blog for if they come up with questions or wish to review materials later.
Quote from Dr. Swain about happy as individual before happy in marriage. (pg. 26) Discover
yourself! Compatibility with oneself is essential for a happy marriage because you have to be
happily married to yourself before you can be happily married to anyone else.
Materials to Draw on:
Debi Pearl: Created to be His Help Meet (Loni)
Love is like a flower: you cant expect it to grow without sunshine. (chapter. 2)
Everyone is drawn to a smile. Who/What you are reflects on your face.
If you fight his inadequacies, both of you will fail. If you love him and support him with his
inadequacies and without taking charge, both of you will succeed and grow (pg.76)
God gives imperfect women to imperfect men so they can be heirs together of the grace of life
and become something more together than either one of them would ever be alone. (pg.76)
Gospel Quotes: (Brittany)
Secular Quotes: (Brittany)
H. Wallace Gottard: Drawing Heaven into your Marriage [Chapter 2]: (Loni)

Afflictions are the process by which God cultivates growth we should expect more afflictions
or challenges in marriage than in any other arena of life.
We want to have a close, loving marriage, but were not willing to give up our pet affections.
We cannot steal the fire of love from heaven. We must buy with soul-stretching payments.
We often go into marriage under false premise change may be most evident in in our
expectations. Often we hold our partner to some set of mythical standards. ...The cure for
cancerous expectations is humble submission- a broken heart and contrite spirit.

Choosing partner is selecting a set of problems


Gordon B. Hinckely: Standing for Something [Chapter 1- Love]: (Loni)
Love is the only force that can erase differences between people or bridge the chasms of
bitterness.
Love is the very essence of life. It is also the most enduring and most powerful virtue.
There is nothing as energizing, as confidence-building, as sustaining as the power of love.
...take the time and make the effort to care for others...
Tremendous happiness and peace of mind are the results of loving service to others. Nobody
can live fully and happily who lives only unto himself or herself.
If the world is to be improved, the process of love must make a change in the hearts of
humans.
...love is the basic essence of goodness.
The virtue of love changes lives- ours as well as those of everyone with whom we come in
contact. It is the virtue that has embedded within its precincts the power to have the most lasting
good.
Dr. John VanEpp: How To Avoid Falling In Love With a Jerk (Loni):
The problem is not that you are unsure of what you want
PICK a Partner Program
Not until after a breakup does the light bulb come on, and then you feel really stupid because
all those warning signals you ignored in the beginning of the relationship seem so clear in
hindsight. (pg.7)
Premarital predictors of marital happiness: compatibility potential, relationship skills, patterns
from other relationships, family patterns and background, and character and conscience traits.
(pg.8)
Love could be irrational but beautiful. (pg.11)
Too often people act on the belief that being in love entitles them to stop taking in and
analyzing information about their partners. Love is conceived as an either-or phenomenon. You
either are in love, or you are not. And if the love switch is thrown on, the brain switch is turned
off. (pg.11)
Jerks have no gender. The only difference is the package they come in. (pg. 17)
The first criterion for identifying a jerk is the habit of breaking boundaries. Players have an
insatiable appetite for attention and the intoxicating excitement of infatuation. Space invaders
have a never-ending entitlement to your attention, interest, money, time, and emotional
support. (pg. 17-18)
Good-hearted people have the greatest risk for staying in a relationship with a jerk, because
good-hearted people so quickly forgive, overlook problems, minimize shortcomings, and give
second chances. (pg. 18)
...its necessary to end one relationship and take some time to regroup before beginning the
next. ; It is crucial to realize that your ability to form strong and loving bonds can betray you if
you do not intentionally pace a new relationship. (pg. 20-21)
Kaloni Jensen: Building Forever Website: www.buildingforever.weebly.com (Loni):
Dr. Clark Swain, Ph.D. Enriching Your Marriage: A Tune-Up For Partners In Love: (Loni)

Your choice of a career and your choice of a marriage partner are two of the most important
decisions youll ever make.
ABC: attractive, bright, charming
What we do need is someone who will help us meet both our physical and personality needs,
and someone who will help us achieve our potential and develop our talents.
Find someone who is health-conscious and who is doing everything possible to maintain good
health because, although perfect health is not always necessary for a happy marriage, good
health enhances the quality of any marriage.
The habit of happiness, as well as good health, as well as good health, influences a marriage.
Marry someone who quite consistently succeeds in school, employment, and other
endeavors. In looking for someone who is success-oriented, take care to distinguish between
workaholics and easygoing winners.
Every good marriage requires togetherness.
Partners build their marriage on the strengths they bring to it.
Dont try to fool yourself that love conquers all. It takes much more than love to create a
satisfying marriage.
In your effort to discern the good qualities as well as the quirks within the individual you date,
keep in mind three factors: family, stress, and time.
Neil Warren: Finding the Love of your Life: (Loni)
Your choice of whom to marry is more crucial than everything else combined that you will ever
do to make your marriage succeed.
Young people cant select a marriage partner very effectively if they dont know themselves
well.
If you want to eliminate one of the most prevalent causes of marriage failure, take seriously the
need to wait until you have personally developed your identity and life goals.
The truth is, successful marriages require an incredible amount of hard work.
I believe that love is a decision.
Dont marry someone until you know him or her in a lot of different ways. You can make a far
more accurate prediction about how much you will enjoy being married to a person if your
experience base is broad.
Dont get married with unrealistic expectations. Marriage isnt a panacea; it requires an
incredible amount of hard work. Dont allow yourself to expect too much from your marriage.
Get married only if both you and the person you want to marry are emotionally healthy.
Learn how to resolve differences before you get married. This will keep the road of love free
and clear.