HILLARYS OVAL OFFICE

by Eli Yudin
INT. OVAL OFFICE
We see HILLARY sitting behind the desk with her eyes
closed. BILL walks in in sweatpants and a college t-shirt,
eating hummus with his fingers.
BILL
Hey Hill, hows it goin in
here? Just wanted to tell you
again how proud of you I am. I
cant believe you beat Ted Nugent-HILLARY is looking wide-eyed at BILL, gripping the desk.
BILL
Hill--?
A thump comes from under the desk. RYAN LOCHTE comes out
from under the desk and sheepishly walks out.
BILL
Was thatAnother thump. RYAN GOSLING crawls out from under the desk,
sheepishly walks out.
BILL
Really?
Another thump. JEFF GOLDBLUM crawls out from under the
desk, sheepishly walks out.
Goldblum?

BILL
Honey-

Another thump. JOHN GOODMAN crawls out from under the desk,
sheepishly walks out.
BILL
Cmon-Another thump. WES ANDERSON crawls out from under the desk,
sheepishly walks out.
BILL
Uh...
Another thump. BILL MURRAY, OWEN WILSON, and JASON
SCHWARTZMAN crawl out from under the desk, sheepishly walk
out.
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

2.

BILL
Three?
Another thump. TUPAC crawls out from under the desk,
sheepishly walks out.
BILL
He is alive...
Another thump. THE OLD MAN FROM UP crawls out from under
the desk, some balloons also fly out from under the desk. He
sheepishly walks out.
BILL
Not the old man from Up...
Another thump. A MAN WHO LOOKS JUST LIKE BILL CLINTON BUT
WITH A THIN MUSTACHE crawls out from under the desk,
sheepishly walks out.
BILL
I like him...
Another thump. A NOISY FLOCK OF SEAGULLS fly out from under
the desk, and out the window. A pause.
BILL
Is that it?
ONE MORE SEAGULL flies out.
BILL
Well, I guess were even.
BILL walks out still eating hummus.
O.S. VOICE
(muffled)
Is he gone?
HILLARY
Yeah.
MONICA LEWINSKY crawls out from under the desk.
Phew.

MONICA
That was close.

MONICA then caws like a seagull and flies out the window.