Original

variation on
sentencing: lits
used, semicolons and
colons
included

Visual Verbs
are used to
add drama

Dialogue,
albeit only
short, is
incorporated

Example 1:
Stadium for a sports event
The electric atmosphere becomes tangible, the crowd erupts with pure elation at
the sight of thirty men proudly wearing their colours: red and white; red and
white; red and white and red and white. Thirty slow seconds tick by before three
tiers of patriotic supporters sing in unison, a choir at their Saturday worship
singing without even truly knowing the meaning. Without even knowing the
language. One child, a bold painted dragon clawing around each cheeks,
attempts word after word in a language he only hears on the weekends. The tune
tumbles from his mouth and is swept up in the wave of hysteria.
Vocabulary
As the song slowly fades away and the other anthem begins, jeers and chants is mature
begin from the higher tier but explode like a fireball from the crowd below.
and
Supporters of the opposition shudder at the disrespectful taboo, half-heartedly ambitious
trying to drain out the chants with their national tune and failing miserably to
become at all audible.
The feel of elation dies swiftly and only tension is now evident on the reddened,
flushed faces of middle aged men. The awkward silence lingers and the giants on
the grass limber up; anxiety creeps from stand to stand, until every wide eye
Writer
craves the same oval of leather.
displays
As soon as the ball whistles high into the skies and sails there, the game is
clear
already half over. The pristine white kit of the opposition is ominously fresh and
understanding
uncreased; a commanding lead intact on away soil. Mouths that can already
of the effect
begin to savour the thought of victory.
caused by
Sixty-two, then seventy-one minutes fly by; the closing motions and movements
metaphoric
of the finest spectacle of sport Wales has seen in centuries is almost over. The
langauge
moral victory will mean nothing to the short woman punching the air with a tight
fist or to the group of schoolchildren waving inflatables in orchestral unison,
these measly points mean more than Monday mornings essay, they mean more
than tonights dinner or tomorrows newspaper headlines. They mean everything.Adjectives are
The patriotic anthem begins to rally again, the headbanded back row raise tired original and
head. Sweat smokes from their jerseys in the cold early evening. Will everyone graphic
in Stand Twelve ple the announcer stops his appeal mid sentence - Wales are
breaking back, pushing the English backWilliams on the ballStill
WilliamsStill..
The roar of expectation escalates, someone fall over in the crowd as a group of
teenagers from the Valleys edge down the aisle towards the pitch as if drunk with
hope. The smell of blood, tears, sweat and possibility swells as the battle is about
to be settled. Still Williams.

believable moment in
time created

Characters are
introduced but do not
dominate the
description