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Copy Topic:
State Claim:

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While downloading app onto phones,
accessing the internet, using GPS, or even
For example:
just making calls and accepting updates,
Text 1, line 17 states that:
users are technically giving consent to be
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Name________________

Peer Editors Name

Directions: Read your partners synthesis essay and answer the following questions below
to your best ability. This peer editing sheet will be stapled to the final paper, along with the
graphic organizer and outline sheet.

1. Does the writer have a strong hook? Circleor No

If not, please help the writer improve his hook by writing down what he could do to
fix it. If Yes, please write down the strong hook below.
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2. Does the writer supply enough background information in the introduction?r

No. If not, please help the writer by informing him what he should add.

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3. Does the writer acknowledge the counterargument in his introduction?

or No

If not, please inform the writer to add the counterargument. If Yes, please write
down the sentence or sentences that the writer has skillfully written the
counterargument in.

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4. Does the writer have a strong claim sta

tement(r No. If not, help the wri
ter
strengthen it. If Yes, please write it down
below.

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5. Body Paragraphs 1, 2, and 3:

6. A) Is there a strong topic sentence that
sets the reader up for each paragrap
li
or No
B) Does the writer include textual evidenc
e to prove his point? Are the citations
written correctly7_Yes or No
C) When the writer paraphrases, does he
remember to place in the citation
information? Yes or No
If you circled No for any of these choices,
please point out to the writer what they
need to fix.
7. Did the writer use at least 3 out of the
4 texts within this essay? Yes or No?
If Yes,
write down which texts were used.
ix
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2, Z5
--

If No, make sure the writer is informed

that they must add an extra text to get
full
credit. Help the writer find areas to add
more textual evidence.
8. Does the conclusion restate the thesis
and consist of at least one sentence that
sums
up each body paragraph7r No. If
No, inform the writer what they need
to add
to their conclusion.
9

Does the conclusion end with a memora

ble sentence Yes o No If No, help the
writer create a stronger ending.

10. Make spelling/grammar corrections

throughout the essay.

Alex Gelabert
Synthesis Essay
Since the introduction of technological powerhouses like Google, Microsoft, and Apple,
people in the technology business have always tried to come out with a new product that will top

the last, Due to this competitive nature of the industry, advancements in technology are being
made presently and will continue to be made in the future; but are these advancements all
beneficial? Consumers can benefit in some ways from

new tracking technologies like RFID

tags in that they can receive ads relevant to them and can have their needs tailored to them by
stores, but it is the companies that get more positive results from the technology. Even with these
benefits, the use of the new technolog brings to the table much more harm than good
Companies should not be allowed to track consumers shopping without their permission because
it is an invasion of privacy, it can reduce jobs meant for people, and can easily be used for the
wrong reasons and/or personal benefit.

CE vc. t LAuk

4.

Tracking technology relies heavily on the publics use of already existing technology. It is
said in dext 1 how every time a person searches for a website on a laptop, downloads an app on a
smartphone, or drives by a store with a GPS that cell phone companies hay

he abiii to track

this and use the information they receive for marketing purposes (lines 23 10) Althougn this
b.fits consumers by receiving relevant ads from com.panies, and benefits companies by
jbbtaining insight on what Its consumers want to buy, this technolog is largely an invasion of
priacy Text I states ho cell phone companies do not notify consumers about the data the
they collect and that consumers are automatically opted into this process (lines 202 1 24)

2
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Companies are going behind the back of its customers and obtaining their personal information

1/

in an unethical manner. Certain information is personal for a reason and cell phone users like

Flarrine Freeman/(texil. line 12) would overwhelmingly agree that companies should respect its
customers privacy by stopping this tracking nonsense.
All action/science-fiction movie lovers have seen or heard of a movie with the main
premise being a robot revolution or technology becoming too smart for mankind to maintain.

Although these movies may be fun to watch, it isnt crazy To think that technology could one day
overtake humans when, in fact, ifs alrdv happening. Text 3 states how RFID readers will have

the ability to scan customers items as they exit the store and charge it to an RFID credit card
(Ies 30-32). This couldnt be better for owners of companies and stores looking to increase
/tficiency and reduce shoplifting in the workplace. Ilowever, this could not be any worse for
\

people around the country. This new use of technology takes away countless sales and cashier
jobs from hard-working i\mericans. The new technology vil1 just be another excuse for an
already lazy country (compared to others around the world) to sit around and get every thing
handed to them by technology. With the fast-growing landscape of the technology industry, it
ouidnt surprise a rational thinker hen humans become too dependcnt on technology that at
completely uproots everyday life.
With so man advancements made in tee flnologv everyday, it isnt shocking, that people
use technology as a multipurpose ntlet, Specifc to the texts, the use of tracking technology can
he used in multiple ways: beneficial to society or for selfish reasons. In text 2 it talks about how
in the presidential election of 2012. the Romney and Ohama campaigns followed voters through
their internet searches to gathenformation on their personal views. They did this by installing
cookies their computers (lies 39-41). Not only is this an invasion of privacY, but it also brings to

focus how tracking technology can be utilized many more avs than the axerage American
kno s about, It also mentions in text 2 ho\/I 50 million American Internet users were used for

data by the aforementioned campaigns (lines 43-44). That is about 800 o of the registered x oting
population in the U.S., meaning 18 year olds and older (line 44). l his misuse of technology by a
relatiely small number of people affects the large majority of the population in this country.
Companies must be up front about t e technology or should stop the use of it altogether before it
stops being used as a marketin tool(text 1. line 10) and expands to something bigger and most
likely worse.
As time passes, technological adxancements will continue to be made on a global scale.
There is no stopping or deny ing this, Many of these advancements like smartphones and
computers are extremely relevant and important in today s times. Iloweer, some new
teh+1ogis. such as that of tracking. can be seen as more problematic than beneficial to society.
Een though there are benefits to the use of tracking technology, companies should not be able to
make use of it because it is an
wrong reasons.

mx asion of priacy. it can reduce jobs, and it can be used for the

4.

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Criteria
Content and Analysia: tire
cEtcot to which the essay
cooves complex ides and
information clearly afld
accurately In order to
support claims In on anlysin
nt the teSts

Command of Evidence: (he

ealent to which the essay
presents evidence from the
analysis

provided tests to support

Cuhrrencr, Organization,
and Style: the extent to
which the essay logically
orgauiecs eumptes ideas,
concepts., sod information
using formal style and
precise languagv

As essay ttstt
Air essay that
Au essay that
An essay thai

-do sot introduce a clauti

Essays at this Level:

-introduce a clatm

2
Essays at this Level;

THE STATE EDUCATION DEPARTMENT I THE UNIVERSITY OF THE STATE OF NEW YORK I ALBANY, NY 12234

3
Essays at this Level;
-introduce a reasonable claim, as
directed by the task

4
Essays at this Level:

-introduce a precise claim, as

directed by the task

-do lot otake use ot

mtatiotts

little or no
esidenes- from shs. tests

-do not deiii;mstriitc

ao,ilysis it tire tests

aitalsis oft su tests, failtog to

clatitis

distitiguistt the claim froni alternate or

-limesemit ideas tttccinststently and/or

inaccurately, in an attempt mo support
analysis, making use of sonic
esidcttce dial may he mnetevaiii

oppos.tng

-present ideas briefly. making use

of some specific and relevant
es tdettce to support analysis

-dumisonstrate little ass of citatIons to

avoid plagiarism when dealing wrthm
direct quotes and purapltrimsed timamermat

-demonstrate tonic analysts of the

textu. hut inuoflicitintly diutingutsh
the claim from alternate or
opposing claims

demonstrate inconsistent citation

of sources to avoid plagiarism
when dealing with direcmqttotes
and paraphrased material

-exh;t,;l little orkuttte;ti;o;;

oh tileas amid tnlcmrtttstiomr

are tctitmstal, ,naktng

,tssessmticnt assrelt,ststc

-lack a fomial style, using some

language that mx tnappropnase or
itstprccisc

tests

-rise tauguago that

pted;mmttntiamtily tssrmihcrctrt,
inappropriate, or copied
dmrectt froms tire task or

-deinonsirnmle a

-arc nunttnst. miaktn

asscsstncitl of coss.Ctition,
ut;rehmatttc

-exlmibit tttconststest organtuamioti of

ideas amid tssforsnatmtso. tbtlatg to
create a coheremml essay

-establish but fail to muimmlaitm a

formal style, using primarily basic
language arid structure

-detmsonstratc emerging control,

exhibiting occastonnil errors that
lmiimdcr comprehension

lack of control.
cxhibtttng thequent rrritrs that ittakir
cotnpreticusmmiii difficult

-exhibit sonte organization of ideas

and itsfortnattott to create a mostly
coherent essay

-dcnionstratc appropriate and

accurate analysis of the texts, as
necessary to support the claim and
to distinguish the claim from
alternate or opposing claims
.presenr ideas sufficiently, staking
adequate use of npccitic and
relevant evidence In support
analysis

-demonstrate proper citation of

sources to avoid plagiarism when
dealing with direct quotes and
parapltrascd immaterial
-exhibit acceptable organiaatmon of
ideas and intlmnstatiots tin create a
coherent essay

-establish arid mammttain a forosal

style. using precise atsd appropriate
hsntiuagc and slniclstre

-demonstrate partial control,

exhibiting occasional errors that do
tart hinder comtuprchension

-deittonstrate confused tie unclear

New York State Regents Examination in English Language Arts (Common Core)
Part 2 Rubric
Writing From Sources: Argument
5
Essays at this Level;
-introduce a precise and thoughtful
claim, as directed by the task

6
Essays ai tkLs Level:

-introduce a precise asdtsghtful

claim, as directed by the tatd/\
-demonstrate thorough analysis of Lite
texts, as necessary to support the
claim and to distieiguisht the claim
from alternate or opposing claims

-demonstrate cotrsroh of the

cottventions, exhibiting occasional
errors only when using sophisticated
loguage

-establish and mamtmmaimm a formal

style, using focus atid preci/c
language and soutid structure

-exhibit logical oiapizatiott of ideas

and imiforomajion so cmxte a cohesive
and coherent essay

paraphrased material

-demonstrate proper citation of

sources to avoid plagiarism when
dealing with direct quotes and

-present ideas clearly and accurately,

making effecnvc use of specific and
relevant evidence to support analysis

-dettioxstraie ut-depth arid

tnstghitfttt analysis of the tevt, as
necessatyto support site claj and
so distinguish sIte claim fdlst
ltematd 0ropposupgclaims
,

\
-pmsens ideai fishy and
ttouglt5tlslly, staking highly
tffecttve use rif a wide rattgc of
specific and relevant evidence to
support analysis

4eniuitstr.ric ttropcr citation of

sources to avoid plagiarism wires
dealing with direct quotes and
paraphrased material
-exhibit skmtlfltl urganizalton of
ideas and information to create a

cohesive ansi coherent essay

-establish asid nsatsntato a frsnnal

style, using sophisticated
language arid structure

-dctttopsmrie onlrol4if
conreritions with essctttiallStio
with sophisticated
laniuage

crr&s, cern

addresses fester texts thus rcqsttretl by the task can be scored tso htghcr tItan a 3.
isa personul response until makes little 0mG referettee to the task or texts can he scored rio higher than a I.
is totally copied front the task sod/or texts with no original student writttig mimuss hr scored all,
is totally utirelatud to tlte tusk. illegible, itmcoherotit, blank, or utmrecugmmizahle as English most be scored as aU

capitalization, putsctuation.

Control of Conventions:
the extent to which the essay
demonstrates command of
conventions
of standard English
grammar, usage,
and spelling