Kristy S.

Garner, EdS
Mid-Term Journal Synthesis
10/5/13
COUN 7333 Fall 2013
Dr. Anderson

Introduction
As I sit down to write this journal synthesis, I am thinking about how I want to
organize my thoughts. Do I just want to randomly write my thoughts in how I have
grown over the past few weeks? No, I have got to keep some order to my thoughts. Do
I want to go back and show my growth from week to week? No, the individual journals
are already proof of that. What about showing the growth I have made in the different
areas of my life and with the different hats that I wear? Yes! I will discuss growth with
my family, my career, my education, and as a counselor.
Family
I want to begin discussing my family because it is the hardest for me synthesize.
Over this past summer, I took five classes which were all on-line but one, while I taught
summer school and at the University of Phoenix (UoP). People thought I was crazy and
yes, I probably was, but I still had a lot of time to spend with my family. I completed all
of my UoP work during summer school as well as the constant discussion responses for
GSU. Summer school was over every day by 12:30, so I would pick up my kids, make
them lunch, and then it was nap time. I took advantage of nap time to work on papers
and read the chapters. After nap time, I would not pick up another book until after bed
time that night. Only during mid-terms and finals did my GSU work interfere with quality
time spent at home. I felt like I was handling everything well and my husband only
complained once when my mid-term in one class ran over five hours long
understandably because I was not too thrilled myself.

The on-line classes were well in my comfort zone as I teach at UoP on-line and I
was just completing my media specialist certification where all of those classes were online as well. I was extremely nervous about beginning this semester because I do not
have the comfort of on-line classes and instead we meet face-to-face. My
apprehension stems from guilt that I have about leaving my kids four nights a week. If I
did not have the extent of support from my family, this degree would not be possible.
My husband is on this crazy shift work schedule and after three years, I still cannot
figure out his off days versus night shift versus day shift. I have created a calendar just
to keep up with where my kids will be on which days. Depending on the day, they are
with my husband (Jamey), my parents, Jameys grandmother, or Jameys mother. At
least the counseling session that I attend on Thursdays will be over after October and I
can go back to class on three days a week.
As I began the semester, I felt guilty for pursuing this degree because it is solely
because I want to learn this concentration. I am not doing this for financial gain as I
completed my first masters and my educational specialist. This degree is because I
have a strong desire to help children on a more personal level and I want to advocate
for their needs and what is in their best interest. My other degrees were completed
before we had children, so now I am really struggling with this one. I began the second
year of my doctorate when we received our second child. It did not take me long to
realize that I was missing out on their lives and they needed me more than I needed the
doctorate, so I quit. Part of me hates the decision I made because I look at where I
could be today if I had not, but the bigger part of me knows it was the best and right
decision to make. However, I do feel a little selfish for pursuing this master. I keep

telling myself that I am making myself into a better person and I am learning how to
communicate more efficiently which will greatly impact how I work with others. I have
also already learned so much about my son with autism and how his brain works which
has already made me a more understanding mom.
Career and Education
Honestly, I am starting to get a little annoyed with people asking me, Just how
many certifications are you going to get? I just want to ask them, Well, why arent
you? Are you just going to waste your time doing nothing? I do not actually say that,
but why would I not want to improve myself as an educator? Why would I not want to
be the best person I can be for the benefit of my family and of my students?
I started teaching thinking that I just wanted to teach math for the rest of my life.
I then thought that the media center may be a place that I would like to go. Back when I
began the certification, I was also working on my educational specialist. Our media
specialist was someone who managed a budget, checked in and out books, and
organized a few activities during the school year like Celebrity Reader Day. Over the
past few weeks I have been conducting an internship in the media center and I really
wished I had this opportunity at the beginning of the program because I would not have
pursued that certification. I now see how much the media specialist position has
changed over the past few years. There is so much more emphasis placed on
technology troubleshooting. I can understand the need to assist with technology
integration in the classroom, but the troubleshooting is simply not my area of expertise
at all and a great deal of time is spent fixing the hardware.

As I applied for the counseling degree, I spoke with my principal regarding this
decision. He is in full support of my efforts which is essential to my success. Being at
GSU by 5pm for class requires that I leave work as soon as the students leave my
classroom and head for the busses. I am not able to complete my afterschool duties or
attend meetings which take place after hours. The principal is very good about filling
me in on everything during working hours. He is also supportive of me working on my
practicum and internship hours for the counseling degree. He has even contacted
another teacher who recently completed the program so that I can gain valuable advice
on how she did it all successfully. I feel the most influential decision this program has
helped me come to realize is my desire to work with special needs students. Over the
summer I passed the GACE in special education. After several conversations with my
principal regarding my career goals, an opening became available in the special
education department four weeks into the school year. He offered the position to me
and I graciously accepted.
As a special education teacher, I now see more of the impact of the counselor on
the success of the students. I am working hand-in-hand with the counselors to develop
individualized educational plans (IEPs) to provide the best education for our students. I
am so grateful for this new position because I am now starting to truly understand the
power I now have. In my previous position I felt powerless. Yes, I made decisions as
far as what activities we performed in class, but I felt that nothing I did greatly impacted
the students. I now feel that everything I do has an impact and I am striving every day
to make that impact positive. I am a lot busier and a lot more stressed, but I am so
much happier in the position that I am in. I am also greatly encouraged to complete my

degree in counseling because I am looking to the future. While I completely love my

job, I can also see myself being really good at counseling too. I am enjoying this time I
have to learn all there is in the special education setting and one day I will use this
knowledge as I become a counselor.
Counselor
After being a foster parent for a few years now and after teaching remedial math
for three years, I have discovered a strong desire to help the students who need help
the most and on a more personal level. As a remedial math teacher, most of my
students had an IEP in place. Many of them also come from homes that are less than
desirable and they carry around a lot of baggage. I found myself sitting with the
students and just listening to them tell me about their problems. I learned that these
children cannot focus on converting fractions to decimals when their daddy just got
arrested that morning or their mom was still passed out on her bed when they left for
school that morning. I realized that I was unequipped to give advice since I was not a
certified counselor, but I could listen and I could be the shoulder that they cried on.
While the courses over this past summer taught me a lot of the theories, it has
been this semester which I have felt the most growth. I am definitely communicating
with others more effectively. Seeing myself in the videos has been the most eye
opening for me. I have been very critical of myself in analyzing how my tone is received
by others. I have also come to the realization that I am in control of how others respond
to me. I used to think that the other person is just having a bad day or is just a rude

person, but it is my tone and the words that I say which determine how others respond
to me.
The last few weeks have definitely taught me that I have sensitivity when it
comes to teachers. We have performed a couple of exercises where I either completely
dismissed the information about the teacher or I started to become defensive. I now
recognize this weakness I have and I really do not know how to get past it. I have been
a teacher for fourteen years and I have had to build a wall become defensive when
dealing with parents and students over the years. We have been taught to really have
each others backs in times of need and my first reactions are to defend teachers. It is
foreign to me to actually sit, listen, and be on the childs side when it comes to issues
between that student and another teacher.
I am now learning about this advocacy as I am a special education teacher. I am
taking the techniques we are learning in class and I am applying them on a daily basis
as I communicate with colleagues regarding the academic achievement of the special
education students. I can see the importance of not only working with the children, but
also with the teachers and parents. I juggle a lot of communication throughout each day
and I want to be great at it! I am determined not to just say things to make people
happy. I want to genuinely do what is best for everyone involved and especially the
student.
I do have a concern with handling feedback from others. I know that I take
criticism to heart. I realize that I am not going to be able to make everyone happy all of
the time and there are definitely going to be criticisms of my abilities no matter how hard

I am working. How can I more effectively just let things roll off my back? I have not
been faced with a situation yet, but I know it is only a matter of time. How do I guard
myself against negativity? I am trying to be open to change within myself. I feel that I
am more vulnerable now than ever as I am working on personal growth. How do I
protect myself when needed?
Conclusion
As I sat down to write this paper, I did not know how long it would take me to
organize my thoughts and get everything down on paper. Now that I have done so, I do
feel a lot better. I feel as though I have a better grasp of my understandings and
abilities. I also feel as though I can communicate my thoughts more efficiently to others.
In some way I feel more empowered and confident after having put everything out there.
I was dreading this assignment, but now I feel so much after having done it. I am
looking forward to the weeks ahead and how much I am going to grow in the future.