Lexi Conklin

Ms. Diaz
English 120
May 3rd, 2015
Reflective Essay on Traditional Revision: MWA #1
When revising my rhetorical analysis (MWA # 1) of an ad or campaign designed to
recruit students to join a career program, I had to take into consideration all the comments my
instructor wrote for me on the first draft of the assignment. Her comments advised me to relocate
a few sentences to other sections in my analysis, create a new paragraph explaining the meaning
and definition of each rhetorical concept, to go more into depth on some areas that were unclear,
and to reword sentences that could be clarified. The revision consisted of these important
alterations given through specific feedback to improve the previous draft of my rhetorical
analysis.
On the rubric of the rhetorical analysis, there are step by step instructions on how to
compose all the requirements needed for the analysis, which I followed to complete my draft.
This included a title, an introduction, a short explanation of rhetorical concepts, a short summary
of the resource or advertisement, an analysis of ethos, logos, and pathos portrayed in the ad, and
a conclusion. The first revision I made to the draft was taking the paragraph of the short
explanations of ethos, logos, and pathos and pairing that information with the discussion of each
of the rhetorical concepts further on in the analysis. My instructor advised me to restructure the
paragraph I took apart and inform the reader of the definition behind each of the three rhetorical
tactics in order for them to have a better understanding of ethos, logos, and pathos and their
development in the ad. This helped me avoid going into detail of the rhetorical concepts at the
beginning of the analysis. After that major revision, I made a few minor changes to the ethos
paragraph that involved clarifying how the ad referred to the speakers moral character and how

that moral character was recognized by the viewers. I filtered that information to further explain
my point as I wrote, this could be used to sway the opinion of the targeted audience in
numerous ways by appealing to the speakers good moral character which inadvertently
persuades the audience to trust or believe what the speaker is describing to be true or accurate.
My instructor also commented on the wording of a sentence being a little awkward in my
logos paragraph where I briefly threw in a short statement on how ethos influenced parts of the
speakers logical appeal. She helped me redirect my focus to just strictly explaining logos in its
own paragraph and relocating the sentence about ethos into its own designated paragraph so
there wouldnt be any confusion on what is being described. The final part of my revision
included reassessing how pathos appealed to the viewers watching the advertisement. The ad did
not portray an obvious emotional appeal so I didnt describe pathos as much as I described the
rhetorical appeals of ethos and logos in my first draft. I had to dig deep to find those emotional
ties in the ad that connected to the viewers sensitivity. When revising the pathos paragraph I
added this to my analysis, there were slight promises of personal accomplishments and times of
enjoyment shown through the occasional image of the speakers experience in the business
school these images portray a lighthearted emotion that the audience is naturally drawn to.
Lastly I reworded a sentence in my conclusion that seemed a bit wordy and misled in the closing
of the analysis, which involved me rephrasing and making changes to that sentence for it to make
more sense.
Among this useful feedback that was given by my instructor, I had learned and reflected
on the previous revisions I made to my draft. Taking this constructive criticism and using it
revaluate aspects I need to improve on in my writing has helped me take those steps I need to
become a more focused enriched writer. Within any form of writing there can always be

improvements made to further advance the literacy. I have realized that there is not a point where
a writer can write something so perfect no one has any feedback to give to them. I have learned
to take that into account when revising my previous work, which will always improve with time
and with the right advice.