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Appendix 1 Student D

George Orwells book 1984 depicts a totalitarian society. This societys leader is supposedly a
guy name Big Brother. However no one seems to have ever seen him in the book. We know he exists
because the inner party talks about him and there are posters and videos of him everywhere. Big Brother
serves as a image for inner party to control the rest of the people in Oceania. The people of Oceania are
afraid of Big Brother and they worship him, so by putting images of his face everywhere they turn, the
inner party has the ability to control their behavior. However Big Brother isnt the only way the party
controls people. They have surveillance everywhere including inside peoples homes and the technique of
doublethink prevents people from thinking independently. While reading I couldnt help but but wonder,
what if the people of Oceania found out Big Brother doesnt exist? Would the party go crazy or would the
inner party keep control? Because doublethink and surveillance are so powerful, I dont think that Big
Brother is necessary to the Partys ability to keep power.

Okay, so you probably wonder why that was my inquiry question. Well there has been many
conspiracy about whether Big Brother was real or who he was. I, too had many ideas about who big
brother was, from Syme to OBrien. But hey, I was right about Obrien being Goldstein and that
Goldsteins book was a fraud. At the end of the book the question whether Big Brother is real is still
uncertain. Anyways, the reason why I thought Big Brother was not real was because in the book when
Winston was going through the torture, he ask Obrien if Big Brother was real and alive like them.Obrien
did not answer him so it must mean he doesnt exist because Obrien is a straight up guy, I mean other
than the manipulative ways he used on Winston. Also the fact that Big brother is such a irrelevant thing,
other than being a image for Oceania. Nobody seen Big Brother other than the telescreen or heard from
him in person before. So there might be a chance that Big Brother is nothing but a computer made man.

Comment [1]: The use of the


transition however here
allows the students
paragraph to hang together.
This paragraph was heavily
workshopped, but all
sentences and all transitions
ultimately were things the
student wrote herself, after
reflecting on comments I had
made regarding clarity and
organization.
Comment [2]: For this paper, I
allowed the student to write in
an informal way, using second
person. I did this because she
was so anxious about writing,
and self-conscious about her
writing style. I thought that if I
just let her writer in her ordinary
voice, her ideas would come
through more clearly. That
seems, actually, to have been
the case. However, I do not
think that it is necessarily good,
as a rule, to let students off the
hook for writing in a polished,
professional way. Like Lisa
Delpit says, the language of
power is a resource all
students have a right to. (Delpit,
1988)
Comment [3]: One of the
reasons teaching this book to
this student was so much fun
was that every day she had
new conspiracy theories. She
was always expecting there to
be some big, major twist.

So that's just my thoughts on whether big brother is real, but let's get into whether Big Brother is a
big deal in Oceania to the point where if he and his image were to be gone it would affect Oceania big
time. Yes, Oceania's aesthetic is to "follow the master, do what the master say." But like I said other then
Big Brother being on the the posters and telescreen there was no record of him giving speeches in
person or even during the speeches they never talk about Big Brother. Even though we can see Big
Brother as one of the irrelevant things in Oceania but to the party he is their god. Big Brother is there
every corner they turn so because of that the party is scared of him. So without him being there, there
might be a chance the party will lose that fear and since the fear was one of the thing that kept them in
control without it, it might be hard. There is also a chance that the party will feel cheated and act out by
trying to overthrow the inner party. But since doublethink play a great role in this book,like a chance that
the party will be brainwashed again.

Actually there is a big possibility that doublethink will take over because it's works so well in the
book. It worked on Winston during the torture process, okay I know you guys probably thinking how in the
world are they going to control that many people. Well let me tell you, first off the inner party is smart,
smart enough to come up with doublethink let me give you an example, they gather the entire party into
groups by force, because they are great at that and then with the big telescreen saying that there was no
such thing as Big Brother and that it was ruled by the good citizens of Oceania by votes. But in the book
there was one part where the party was listening to a speech about the war they had with Eurasia but
then suddenly in the middle of the speech they decide to change the fact that they were in a war with
Eurasia to East Asia. Yea I said it, in the middle! So how did the rest of the party react to it? No confusion
they just agreed and made up some kind of crazy conspiracy that the brotherhood or East Asia sabotage
them and made them think that they were in war with Eurasia by putting up propagandas and slogans.
See, by this there is a great chance where the inner party can say that the brotherhood set them up this
whole time and wanted all of them to believe that the inner party was lying about Big Brother. Reading
this in the book made me think that the bandwagon idea also plays a big part of doublethink. Why the
bandwagon idea? Well even if one person had a suspicion about whether this whole world is based on a
lie, if someone especially more than one

Comment [4]: Here, the


student anticipates reader
responses to her claim. This is
evidence of metacognition. If
you remember, one of the
biggest issues with Student Cs
paper in Artifact 2 was that she
didnt seem to reflect much on
the significance of her claims.
This was never the case with
Student D, but still, in this paper
we see more evidence of
metacognitive thinking than in
her earlier paper. (cf. Artifact 2)

Liu, 3
person convinced him/her that they are delusional, over time they will think that its all in their head. Not
everyone is like Winston, who wants to be independent. But also even if they still had that thought even
though everyone else around him is thinking differently, who would be dumb enough to expose
themselves and try to fight back about this in the risk of getting vaporized.

But would the party still listen even if they dont have that one leader anymore? If they dont
have anyone to worship and be afraid of, what would become of them? But I mean hey, it works in the
real world where we elect the people who makes decisions and its fine. I mean yea we have a image,
someone who represents the U.S. but we all know he doesn't make the final, final decision. But back into
this totalitarian world, since the inner party already have their mind in control and like I said earlier the
other party members would be too scared to say anything about this in the fear of getting vaporized in this
world is already enough to keep their mouth shut and eventually will make themselves believe the right
thing and that my friends is what they call doublethink.

Comment [5]: This is a run-on


sentence. Throughout the
paper, there are still
punctuation and grammar
errors. However, the fact that
the student wrote in her own,
informal voice allows the paper
to be very readable despite this
drawback. Since
communication is the purpose
of writing, I think it was OK that
I allowed the student to use
such an informal voice in this
paper. However, if I were to
have her as a student for
another year I would eventually
spend more time on formal
writing conventions.

Appendix 2 Student B

Inquiry Question: What methods does the Party use in order to keep Oceania under
control? How are they effective? How do these methods relate to our society?
Powerful Party Persuasion
In George Orwells 1984, readers are given a clear view of a dystopian society,
Oceania, through the eyes of a man named Winston. Oceania is mainly run by a group of high
officials known as the Inner Party. The rest of the population consists of Outer Party members
and the majority, the proles. Oceania has its own ways to run in the special totalitarian way that it
does. In the society, the truth is, no one is free. For example, everyone in Oceania is expected to
follow the Party principles. Additionally, there is no trace of privacy within Oceania with the
invasion of telescreens everywhere one goes, recording every step one takes and listening to
every word one releases from their mouth. One is present in every house; they are even in the
houses of Inner Party members. Those examples are just examples of everyday encounters in
Oceania. Oceania does have several tricks up their sleeves to affect the citizens in a long term
way in an effort to take control of them. The Oceanian society is able to keep its citizens under

Comment [6]: This three


pronged inquiry question was a
bit broad in scope, but I didnt
reign it in because I thought
Student C could handle it,
which he did. I like how, in the
framing of this inquiry question,
one can see how the student
lets questions build off of one
another. This skill relating
conclusions back to premises
and vice versa is essential in
higher education, but as the
New Dorp article reminds us,
its not clear how much of this
kind of curricula students are
really receiving.
Comment [7]: I like how
Student B spends so much time
establishing context. Perhaps
this is a bit excessive, but it
reveals that he really wants his
paper to make sense to the
reader, and takes pains not to
gloss over essential points.

in control by using Big Brothers great guise to influence people according to party principles,
rumors of the Brotherhood to target any thought criminals, and endless war to gain the support of
its people. As long as these are present, Oceania may never collapse.
Throughout the streets of London, there is a poster of a man gazing down upon all who
stand upon his omnipotent presence. Nothing else comes to mind when one gazes except the
heartwarming yet cautious words Big Brother is Watching You. (Orwell 6) In Oceania, he is
the one who looked up upon with much respect: Big Brother. In Oceania, Big Brother is
portrayed to be the perfect man: a man who leaves behind no flaws, and is correct in every

Comment [8]: Here, Student


B is incorporating literary flair
into his analytical essay. This
shows that he is creating a
deliberate mood, adapting the
form of his essay to fit his
content. This was a major
strength of Student A in Artifact
1, but also something that
Student B has improved upon
over the course of the year.

possible way. He is said to have reigned since 1970, when he rose up to power after the leaders
of a revolution were wiped out. (Orwell 64) However, there is no trace of his physical presence;
there is only evidence of his honorable existence through records and news. Although Big
Brother may not physically exist, the belief of his existence is enough to win the hearts and
admiration of the people. As much as Big Brother exists to lead and comfort the people, I believe

Comment [9]: Evidence of intext citation of a paraphrase,


using correct MLA format. (cf.
Artifact 4). This was not a skill
that Student B had at the
beginning of the year. (cf.
Artifact 2)

he is also present to strike fear into anyone who dare defies him. Since he is literally the face of
the party, anyone who dares break the party principals would display an act of disrespect and
disloyalty towards Big Brother. Big Brother is the massive brainwashing mechanism of Oceania
with his ability to make all bow down to him.
Figures similar to Big Brothers cult of personality in the world we live in today are
North Korean Supreme Leaders Kim Il Sung, Kim Jong Il, and Kim Jong Un. Similar to the
citizens of Oceania looking up to Big Brother, the citizens of North Korea view their leaders as
their savior, especially Kim Il Sung. The cult of personality of the Kim family is shown in a
documentary involving John Sweeney, a reporter who visited North Korea to investigate. Mark
Fitzpatrick, a researcher, states that according to North Korean ideology, the citizens of North
Korea view him as a god who lives eternally. John saw much evidence of this such as worship to
the Kims: statues of Kim Il Sung outside and portraits of him and Kim Jong Il in every house.
This relates to the posters of Big Brother lurking around the streets of London in 1984. John
interviews an anonymous North Korean defector who states that Brainwashing starts in the
womb. It becomes natural to bow to the portraits of the Kims every morning. Similarly to the
cult of personality affecting people in North Korea at a young age, it happens in Oceania too.
Winston sees his neighbors son affected by Party ideals. Children are literally bred to target
anyone who opposes the Party. (Orwell 23) In another interview, Ji Seong Ho, a North Korean

Comment [10]: Student C is


able not only to make relevant
connections but to describe
them.

defector, states that In North Korea, if you say the wrong thing, you will be sent to a political
prison camp. This rule of course applies to the leaders. All the people in North Korea who do
not meet the expectations for respecting their leaders are immediately punished, just as disloyalty
to Big Brother in Oceania would send you to the Ministry of Love for punishment. These harsh
expectations are shown through a report of North Koreans failing to respect their leader.
According to the report, citizens of North Korea were to attend a ceremony in honor of Kim Jong
Ils death and forced to mourn for their passing leader. When authorities considered the
mourning of several crowds of citizens to be insincere, the officers threatened to send North
Koreans to labor camps. We clearly see how both Big Brother and Kim resemble a guise in their
societies and are in complete rule and control.
In a controlling society, especially Oceania, it is always likely that someone may disagree
with or disobey the certain rules placed upon that society. In Oceania, these people are known as
thought criminals. Fortunately for the party, they have their ways on finding the flaws within
the society with thought police. With the reign of Big Brother, word has it that an organization
known as the Brotherhood, is up to stop him and overthrow the party. Apparently, it is found and
run by Goldstein himself, the one person Oceania hates the most. Whether this rumor is true or
not, the party definitely takes advantage of the Brotherhood by using it as a trap. By convincing
thought criminals of its existence, they encourage them to seek it out. Yet in reality, the partys
true intention is to slowly lure the prey into the trap. Winston proves as a perfect example of a
prey that fell for the trap, for he blindly fell for the trick. He sought out the Brotherhood and got
ahold of the book of Goldstein explaining oligarchical collectivism only to find out that he was
deceived by the thought police. Winston is later that the book was written intentionally and acted
as the secret accumulation of knowledge-- a gradual spread of enlightenment--ultimately a

proletarian rebellion--the overthrow of the Party. (Orwell 215) The Partys intent was to capture
him using the Brotherhood from the beginning. Along with using the Brotherhood to target flaws
with Oceania, it clearly resembles how an Oceanic citizen should not act or follow in Oceania.
With the Two Minute Hate program displaying Goldstein as a mortal enemy to Big Brother, it
makes citizens of Oceania detest against him with a burning hatred. We are given a taste of their
fury during the program in a memory of Winston recalling, a dark-haired girl behind Winston
had begun crying out Swine! Swine! Swine and suddenly picked up a heavy Newspeak
dictionary and flung it at the screen. (Orwell 15) With the rumors of the Brotherhood, the Party
can target the flaws and eliminate them while simultaneously convincing the citizens of its bad.
Oceania has always been at war with Eastasia. Or perhaps, was it Eurasia? Regardless of
their choice of enemy, war is still war. As Goldsteins book tells us, the three massive superstates
have been interlocked in a permanent war for the past twenty five years. (Orwell 153) However,
the purpose of the war is more than simply just the overtaking or expansion of a superstate.
Chapter 3 goes in depth on the true intentions of the endless war between the three superstates.
Goldstein explains that, the primary aim of modern warfare is to use up the products of the
machine without raising general standard of living. (Orwell 155) With war, Oceania is able to
continuously be on a shortage of consumption goods. Although this seems very wasteful, the
benefit to the government is impact it has on society in terms of status and class. The entire
society, mainly the proles, being affected by this war puts them in a similar living situation: lack
of nutritional foods, pots and pans, boots, chocolate, everything. This is all in an effort to destroy
a hierarchical society based on wealth and prevent it from happening ever again. With no class,
the government is easily able to manipulate a single class consisting of poor people.
Furthermore, existence of the endless war between Oceania, Eurasia, and East Asia promotes

Comment [11]: Again with the


literary flair, adapting form to
content. I think this is a clear
sing that Student B is not only
comfortable writing, but
comfortable writing about this
book in particular. He doesnt
only know what he wants to
say, but what he wants to
emphasize.

Oceanian patriotism within Oceania. As endless war destroys resources and jobs and technology,
citizens of Oceania have nothing better to do than waste all their time on supporting the Party. As
Goldstein states in his book, It does not matter whether the war is actually happening, and, since
no decisive victory is possible, it does not matter whether the war is going well or badly. All that
is needed is that a state of war should exist. (Orwell 158) As long as Oceania has enemies, its
people will always be on the side of their own country.
While Oceania claims Eastasia and Eurasia to be their enemy interchangeably, North
Korea claims that their enemies are China, the United States, and South Korea. Propaganda
against these enemies are everywhere throughout North Korea, especially against the United
States. According to John Sweeney, their propaganda stated that their rockets could hit the US
mainland. From the propaganda, it states, If we compare it to body parts, the Washington
missile is to take out the ears and ears that monitor the world, in one strike. This of course is not
proven. Apparently, Koreans are taught that they are superior. Kim Jong Il supported the idea of
racial superiority. Boasting about North Koreas military and nuclear strength only makes North
Koreans support their country even more of course. Although both Oceania and North Korea use
different tactics of spreading the news of war and propaganda, it will keep citizens patriotic for
their society. It is quite mind blowing how Orwells depiction of a potential totalitarian society
like Oceania could be so nearly identical to North Korea today.
In conclusion, the Party will forever stand tall with its boot stamping on a human face as
long as Big Brother, the Brotherhood, and the endless war exist. The government will always be
in control of the society. All citizens will learn to love and bow down to Big Brother while
fearing his authority of punishment for betrayal. The people will always follow Big Brother and
view him as an idol, just as North Koreans view their Supreme Leaders, the Kims. The

government is capable of catching any criminal who dares seek the Brotherhood by using
thought police to target them. By eliminating the flaws, Oceania will be free from potential
rebels against the Party. By engaging in a permanent war, the government will receive endless
patriotism and prevent a hierarchical society from forming ever again. At the end of the day, the
mind of a human in Oceania will crumble and be exhausted of all independent thought. The
Party will be in complete control of the Oceanian brain. Only true devotion towards the Party
will remain. As a wise Inner Party member once said, There will be no loyalty except loyalty
toward the Party. There will be no love, except love of Big Brother. There will be no laughter,
except the laugh and triumph over a defeated enemy. (Orwell 220)

Comment [12]: I am
interested in Student Bs
decision to refer to OBrien as
wise!
Generally I tell students to avoid
ending paragraphs on a clich,
but this one ends with such
panache that I appreciate it.

Bibliography
BBC. "North Korea Country Profile - Overview - BBC News." BBC News. BBC, 25 Feb.
2015. Web. 22 Apr. 2015. <http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-pacific-15256929>.
Forer, Ben. "North Korea Reportedly Punishing Insincere Mourners." ABC News. ABC
News Network, 12 Jan. 2012. Web. 29 Apr. 2015.
<http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2012/01/north-korea-reportedly-punishinginsincere-mourners/>.
North Korea Undercover Documentary. Prod. Howard Bradburn. Perf. John Sweeney. BBC,
2014. TV.
Urban, Tim. "20 Things I Learned While I Was in North Korea." Wait But Why. WaitButWhy,
n.d. Web. 01 May 2015. <http://waitbutwhy.com/2013/09/20-things-i-learned-while-i-wasin.html>.
Orwell, George. 1984: With Connections. Austin: Holt, Rinehart and Winston, 2002. Print.