Michael Ettinger

Spring 2015
COM 2110
Hom
Personal Change Proposal
As far as unwanted communication habits go, I have several
obvious ones. Ive become a very quiet person when I used to be the
exact opposite prior to moving to Salt Lake City. Im very anxious, and
at times notice that I habitually or instinctively avoid social contact or
engagement. I avoid phone calls from my parents often, I sometimes
dont respond to texts from friends or loved ones, and Im having
trouble being a consistent and present communicator with my
girlfriend who lives in California. I think its due to anxiety and low selfesteem along with depression, but its also due to simple isolation from
living up in Park City and not socializing much for 2 straight years.
Goal
I want to become a stronger and more reliable communicator with
family and friends. This means ensuring my relationships are honest
and strong. I want them to know and see from my improved
communication skills that I care about them as much as they show
they care about me. I can be more other-oriented in order to observe
and notice what it is that my family and friends hope for from me. If I
do this, I will probably become less overwhelmed and realize they just
want reliable contact and to see positive achievements in my own life. I
also want to make new friends and have a healthy social life. If I stop
being so self-absorbed with unchecked negative emotions from the
past, I think Ill achieve my goal.
Rationale
When Im self-absorbed with negative emotions, I tend to avoid contact
and communicative situations because I dont want to share with
anyone why Im in a poor mood. Depression is a catch-22 force where
it makes it difficult to take the steps necessary to escape its grip. When
I ignore calls or texts from family and friends I avoid the very people
who would most readily and effectively cheer me up, and I increase the
likelihood that our eventual next conversation will not start out on a
positive note because I have been ignoring them. It makes me want to
avoid those subsequent calls. Also, with having a girlfriend in another
state, she feels neglected and disrespected when I take so long to
answer her texts or fail to answer her calls. She feels unimportant and
it hurts her feelings. When Im self-absorbed I hardly realize or
acknowledge that she is likely upset I simply do whatever it is I want
to do to distract me from my negative outlook or frame of mind and it

rarely involves contacting anyone. If I stop being self-absorbed and

dwelling on unchecked negative emotions, I can move forward and be
more active in my communicative efforts and life in general. Getting
out and leaving my negative thoughts behind makes me more likely to
talk more with random people in passing, and more likely to feel
comfortable calling and seeing family or friends.
Strategies
By the end of this course, I will have successfully implemented these
strategies towards communicating more effectively with my parents,
my girlfriend, friends, and people in general:
1. I will socially decenter and be a more active listener with my
loved ones and friends in order to contact, respond and
contribute appropriately to conversations. (Beebe, 2014, p.
132-138).
2. I will stop thin slicing and coming up with reasons to refrain
from pursuing friendships with new people I meet (Beebe, 2014,
p. 65).
3. I will stop focusing on the negative with both others and
myself so I can have a more positive outlook and promote
positive interactions and happier relationships with people
(Beebe, 2014, p. 78).
Implementation
Ill implement these strategies immediately, because its in the best
interest of my mental health and my relationships with those I care
about. Ill use support in the form of my therapist to ensure I stop
focusing on the negative so much and to keep me motivated with my
efforts. Ill talk to my parents and my girlfriend on the phone weekly to
maintain strong channels of communication, and Ill hang out with
friends more to build back my social skills.
Work Cited
Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond. (2014). Interpersonal Communication:
Relating to Others. Boston: Pearson Education / Allyn & Bacon