Memorandum

To: Dana Clay, Courtney Edge, and Rachael Mann

Cc: Dr. Harris
From: Group One

Date: April 26, 2015

Subject: Combined peer review of formal report

Group Three,
Reading your project made us realize the importance of a good secretary. Secretaries
contribute to the smooth operation of any office. The following recap summarizes our notes
after reviewing your website.
Audience Awareness
The problem of ineffective communication was clearly identified on the Home page. The
website carried the secretarial target audience throughout the various pages. Unfortunately, we
were unable to determine if any research was conducted on the project. Neither credible nor
reliable sources were listed on the site. A great resource could include our textbook.
Document Design
The website had a clean cut look and appeal to it. There were no harsh colors, and everything
was easy to see and read. The appropriately labeled sections made good use of the space on
each page. Including interactive examples near relevant text emphasised the intended
message.

Ease of Instructions
The website provided examples which were very helpful. The examples give the audience a
practical application of the topic discussed. One page was confusing, though. The Letter
Examples tab contains two letters. The first sentence states that both letters are acceptable
but later sentences discredit one of the letters. The second and third sentences address the
amount of information that determines when each letter would be appropriate. The next
sentence contradicts the prior two, stating that the amount of information is the same.

Clarity of Writing
The language was unclear throughout the website. Here are examples from the Home page:
- Second sentence: world business world. The repetition of world seems
confusing.
- Third sentence: It is unclear if this is referring to the first sentence or the second
sentence. Also, writing stills. Perhaps you meant skills.
- The final sentence seems to be a fragment: the nouns examples and pointers
have no verb.

- As a suggestion, you might consider this for the second paragraph: This site
covers a few aspects of the day to day business skills needed in the secretarial
occupation. The examples and pointers found on this website provide information on
composing professional emails, memos, invoices, and flyers.
Here are examples of unclear areas on the Email and Memo page:
- First Paragraph
- First Sentence: The word overall could be deleted. The sentence
could also be phrased differently by saying Emails and memos are the most
common forms of communication in a professional environment.
- Third Sentence: The word however may not be the best option
for this sentence, or it could be moved elsewhere in the sentence.
- Second Paragraph
- Fourth Sentence: The word importance should be moved to the
beginning of the sentence, and the sentence should read The importance of
revising for errors in spelling, word choice, sentence structure, and formatting
cannot be stressed enough.
- Fifth Sentence: in should be is. Also, there should be a comma
after you.
- Third Paragraph
- This sentence doesnt make sense. Is exchange; supposed to be
in this sentence? Also, theres a semi-colon at the end of the sentence?
- Fourth Paragraph
- First Sentence: This sentence is a little wordy. Be is used twice
almost back to back. Also, describing what it is you are expressing is oddly
phrased.
Here is an example on the Invoicing 101: Formal page:
- First Paragraph
- Third Sentence: The word of should be removed.
Here is an example on the Invoicing 101: Informal page:
- First Paragraph
- Last Sentence: The last sentence ends without any explanation or
punctuation.
Here are more examples of unclear language from the Special Events page:
- First paragraph:
- The first sentence seems to be a run on sentence.
- The second sentence is confusing: the invitation to vendors is fine
but the invitation to a newspaper ad and the invitation to a flyer do not seem to fit.
- Second paragraph:
- The first sentence ends with the preposition be, this is a passive
statement. Try changing to The development of the event letter depends on the
event details. In order to ensure that the main points are covered, these letters
must be included in the letter:
- However may not be the best word of emphasis for the second
sentence. Have you considered Remember or Ensure?

- Capitalize beginning of first point to remain consistent with

capitalization.
Bullet points:
- The first bullet point is not capitalized while the second and third
bullet points are capitalized.
- The first bullet is a phrase about topics while the second and third
bullet points are complete sentences about formatting.
Fourth paragraph:
- The word weather should be whether.
Flyer example:
- The door prizes paragraph is a run on sentence.

Examples from the Letter Outline page:

- First Paragraph
- Second Sentence: However is probably not a good way to start
this sentence. In fact, the first sentence and the second sentence could probably
be combined. It would look something like this, Letters are similar to memos,
except that they are traditionally sent to individuals who are not inside of your
business. Or, Letter are similar to memos, except that they are traditionally
sent to non-employees.
- Third sentence: However could be used in this sentence. Like
memos, however,...
- Bullet points
- While the bullet points under what I believe are the main bullet
points are indented, there should probably be a different type of bullet point used
for the indented information. In the current format, the bullet points look sloppy.
- Letter to Jeff
- The formatting of the letter examples seems to be off after the
initial lines in both letters. Probably need to check the indentions.
We hope this review helps with your project. The secretarial field will certainly benefit from your
ideas. Let us know if we can help again in the future.
Sincerely,
Group One: Jamie, Baum, Paige Bradshaw, and Robert McCarville