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Kar Shin Lin

Ms. Thompson
AP Language, Block 2, Skinny A
17 May 2015
DAP: IJWBA Paper
Throughout the writing process of this paper, several components shaped how well I was
able to write. Some were strengths, others were weaknesses, and some where challenges. Among
the strengths and likes of my paper were how I responded to the given prompt. After reading
Mike Roses essay on the inadequacies of the schooling system in his former school, I thought I
particularly excelled at using his voice in illustrating my argument. I criticized teachers and
schools in the very manner he used throughout his essay. I tried my best to use his eloquence and
rhetorical strategies to respond to James Baldwins view on schools. Another strength I had in
my argumentative paper was the introduction. Because the thesis had to be specific to the
prompt, I began the introduction with a thought that may have challenged the views of the
reader. This would grab the audience. My generalization transitioned to a specific thesis that
outlined my argument: I would talk about the importance of teachers and the need for them to
effectively give students the tools necessary for success. In addition, my support utilized
examples in agreement with Mike Rose. These examples validated my thesis and allowed the
audience to take my position.
Although I had many strengths and likes, I also had many weaknesses and dislikes. The
chief flaw of my paper, at first, was my thesis. It was not specific enough to ground my
argument. I alluded to all the problems in society instead of focusing on a select few. In addition,
the topic sentences of my body paragraphs did not clearly and firmly connect to the thesis, even

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though the points may have. These flaws led to a confusing organization and may have been hard
for the reader to coherently follow my argument. I fixed this lack of definitive organization in
my publish-ready paper.
Lastly, the challenges present in writing this paper were the use of Mike Roses voice in
order to respond to James Baldwins excerpt on education. After many times reading and
analyzing Roses essay, I had to figure out a way to use his style and craft in order make an
argument. It was important to realize that in essence, Roses essay was an argument; he was
calling for an end to an inadequate vocational program by showing the need to encourage
students. Using the techniques Rose used in his argument, I was able to model mine after his,
which led to a unique style. This method of writing an argument was familiar to me but I had
never actually written it this way. The challenge was to write a cogent argument through the use
of personal experiences and anecdotes rather than impersonal objectives.