Five Loaves. Two Smal l Fish. Enough for a Multitude.

Volume 6, Issue 6

Published 10 times a year

June 2015

Letter from the Rector: Influential Men in our Lives

Dear Sisters and Brothers in Christ,

June 3
Building
Committee, 7 pm

A number of years ago, my family asked me to

create a memorial service for my grandfather,
which was to include a eulogy of some sort.
There was just one small problemin many
ways, I hadnt really liked my grandfather all that
much. He could be short-sighted, overbearing,
stubborn, and close-minded, so my challenge was
to figure out what I could say about him that was
appreciative, while still speaking with integrity.
As I contemplated the view many townspeople
had of Grandpa, my own opinion of him genuinely
shifted. I realized that he was a man of his
word; that he was a trusted businessman in the
community, respected for his upright character;
that people knew they could count on him if they
were in a jam; and that he was a collaborator,
often even though he wouldnt receive credit for
the accomplishment.
Grandpa was someone who just did what he
knew to be the right thingwhether people liked
him or not. I suspect that attitude could be very
freeing for many of usto stop worrying about
how many people we would upset by doing the
thing we ought to do, and start considering how
many people might be helped by a less than
popular idea.

M ar k Y o ur
C a l e n dar

June 6
Caryl Temples
Celebration of
Life, 11 am
Dinner Theater,
6 pm

Ill be forever grateful for having to write

that eulogy, because the process allowed me
to embrace the important life lessons Grandpa
had taught me. My path of discipleship is all the
richer for them. Even if youre not asked to write a
eulogy, might there be nuggets of wisdom waiting
to be discovered in the lives of your forefathers?
Happy Fathers Day to all of you whove been a
father, filled in as someones father, or have had a
father!

June 8
Finance Meeting,
10 am
June 9
Aging Gracefully,
10:30am
June 14
Faith & Literature,
9 am
June 16
Art & Soul, 2 pm
June 17
Vestry Meeting,
6 pm

The St. Andrews Brotherhood

For over 32 years the St. Andrews Brotherhood has been serving as a Gospel study group for men
of the Church. Our gospel readings are taken from Serendipity for Groups. The book offers focus
questions for discussion.
In the past, we selected a discussion leader who used the questions to start the discussion and
move it along. Mother Brenda suggested we try the African Bible Study Method. It has improved
our understanding and communication. The discussions are less rigid and we cover more parts of
the reading. Because the Gospels are repetitious, we are now using the Epistles. We also share our
personal concerns and pray for guidance and support.
Our recent survey has expanded our activities. All respondents wanted a social aspect to the group.
We will look at sporting events, plays, etc. that could enrich our friendship. The survey response also

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June 21
Fathers Day
June 22-26
Vacation Bible
School, 9 am12pm
June 25
XYZs, 11:30am
June 28
Youth Mission Trip
begins

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St. Andrews Epist le

V o lume 6, Issue 6

The St. Andrews Brotherhood continued fr om t he fr ont page

expressed a desire for Mother Brenda to be a part of our Bible Study.
We have been meeting at Bob Guiltinans home. His two leg injuries lessen his mobility but not his
interest in our Bible work. In the near future we will be at the parish hall on Saturday mornings.
We humbly believe that we are better servants of God through our meetings. We know our own
needs and failings and wish to meet the needs of others. This Brotherhood group is open to all men of
the Church. We welcome those who can attend; contact Lloyd OConnell at jlloydoconnell10@gmail.
com or (760) 753-5726. ~Lloyd OConnell

Adult C onf ir mat ion

The Book of Common Prayer defines confirmation as the rite in which we express a mature commitment to Christ, and
receive strength from the Holy Spirit through prayer and the laying on of hands by a bishop.
If you feel ready to be confirmed, plan to participate in the ceremony on September 13, 2015. The only requirements are
baptism (if youre not yet baptized, we can rectify that), and attending the Episco-basics class this summer (9 a.m., Parish
Hall: 7/19, 7/26, 8/16, 8/23 and 8/30).
Please notify the church office of your intent to be confirmed as soon as possible.

Faith & Literature

Start reading now and join in whats always a lively discussion about how literature can inform our
faith. This summer, Sundays at 9, Mother Brenda will lead us in exploring the following books:
June 14 The Book Thief by Markus Zusak
July 12: Gilead by Marilynne Robinson
August 9: Flight Behavior by Barbara Kingsolver

V o lume 6, Issue 6

St. Andrews Epist le

Caring for Each Other: Supporting a Grieving Person

Do:

Dont:

1. Acknowledge the loss with a call, card, or

letter. By writing a letter you are offering
handwritten hugs where human arms cannot
reach. If possible, go to the visitation (viewing) or attend the funeral. Your presence
means you care.

1. Avoid the grieving person because you dont

know what to say.

2. Simply say Im sorry or Words fail me or

I share a part of your grief. Remember that
nothing you can say will stop the grieving
persons pain.

3. Use clichs, trite statements, or euphemisms.

Avoid statements such as Hes at rest, Be
glad its over, Time heals all wounds or
The Lord knows best.

3. Remember, a sympathizing tear, a warm embrace, an arm around the shoulder, a squeeze
of the hand conveys your sympathy. Words
are not always necessary.

4. Be afraid of tears. Grieving people seldom

forget those with whom theyve shed tears.

4. Give the mourner permission to grieve and

experience their feelings.
5. Listen openly and non-judgmentally to the
grieving persons thoughts and feelings.
6. Allow the bereaved to talk about the deceased loved one.
7. Ask open-ended questions like What happened? Open-ended questions invite the
grieving person to express him or herself.
8. Tell them you will remember them in your
prayers. Make sure you follow through on this
promise.
9. Offer practical assistance. Be specific in what
you could or would like to do, rather than Is
there anything I can do?
10. Share a pleasant memory or words of admiration for the deceased with the grieving
person. If you did not know the deceased,
consider asking the grieving person to share
such memories.

2. Give advice such as Dont cry or Be brave.

This may cause the grieving person to repress
sad feelings.

5. Say I know how you feel. Each persons grief

is unique and no one can totally understand
anothers grief.
6. Make statements or ask questions that induce
guilt or affix blame. There is always some
unfinished business and guilt associated with
the death of a loved one.
7. Change the subject when the grieving person
talks about his or her loved one.
8. Tell the grieving person his or her loss is Gods
will. Most grieving persons are troubled by
that statement but are too polite to say so.
Avoid statements like:
- God must have needed another bud for his
garden.
- God knows best. He wont put any more on
you than you can bear.
9. Try to answer the question, Why?
10. Discount the loss of a baby or child by reminding grieving parents they can have other
children or be glad they have other children.

12. Remember that grief is long-lasting and usually the most painful mourning can occur
within 5-9 months after the death.

11. Attempt to minimize the loss of a baby

through miscarriage, still birth, or early infant
death. Parents experience the death of their
dreams and hopes for the future embodied
in their wished-for baby. The age makes little
difference, their pain is just as great.

13. Remember that you are a vital part of the

grieving persons support system. Never underestimate your role as a caregiver.

12. Encourage the grieving person to get over

it because of your discomfort with his or her
depressed state.

14. Remember to extend condolences to forgotten mourners: grandparents, siblings, stepchildren, aunts and uncles, cousins, friends
anyone who was especially close.

Adapted from Helping People Through Grief

by Delores Kuenning,
Bethany House Publishers, 1987

11. Remember them on the painful holidays,

especially the firsts.

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St. Andrews Epist le

V o lume 6, Issue 6

Tribute to the Master of the Organ Bench

Have you ever noticed that our wonderful
choir director and organist, Gabriel Arregui, can
conduct, play the organ with both hands and feet,
and sometimes talk, all simultaneously? Since this
months newsletter honors men,
its only fitting that we honor
him. Like a good athletic coach,
as bass Jim calls him, Gabriel
strikes the perfect balance
between encouragement and
striving for excellence. He offers
choir members images, such as,
A string is pulling your head
up from the top of your head
so you can reach your note . . .
your throat is wide open like a
bullfrog. . . a wave of sound is
carrying you over this phrase . .
. breathe from your diaphragm.
And always, encouragement,
Relax and have fun!
Gabriel is sought after in San Diego and
elsewhere as a performer and accompanist
in diverse venuesconcerts, competitions,
universities, St. Pauls Cathedral and other
churches, and the San Diego Opera. St. Andrews
is indeed fortunate to have such a gifted musician
in our midst.

Ode to Gabriel Arregui

Thank you, God, for Gabriel, our intrepid leader.
For the intricate rhythms, melodies,
Harmonies, and lyrics that bring
inexplicable joy.
Our eclectic group contracts and
expands each week,
Its size dictated by our individual
lives,
Each with its own challenges, joys,
and sorrows.
And yet we gather from our homes
and places of work,
From desk, machine, computer, lab,
workshop, and garden.
We journey along clogged freeways
and darkened streets
To meet, week after week, month
after month.
Once assembled in this sacred
place,
He helps us blend our voices
Sopranos and tenors soaring,
Altos and basses anchoring and deepening our
songs,
At times, we collectively wince when we sink
into wrong notes,
For which Gabriel forgives us and we each other.
When our voices magically meld
Into warm, rich chords that resound,
We rejoice and he with us.
Thank you for his nimble fingers on organ and
piano,
For his nurturing demeanor and buoyant humor,
His joie de vivre, musicianship, and skill.
Thank you for our hardy band of singers and
musicians,
And for caring friendships that help us through
tough times.
Thank you, God, for Gabriel.
Judith Josephson & his grateful choir 5/15/15

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St. Andrews Epist le

Hope, Grace and the Body of Christ continued fr om t he back page

some of the toughest young boys to join our game
of Ultimate Frisbee. The look on one boys face
when we started shouting that he was on OUR
team was priceless. He belonged!!
Our teenagers gave me so much hope on this
trip. They are energetic, funny, caring, fearless.
They give me hope for the future of our Church
and our world.

back to Cortez year after year. I came to realize

that in spite of my trivial personal contribution,
over several years this program could make a
real difference. The camp director confirmed
this three of the toughest boys from last years
program, who aged out of Kids Club, had decided
to become baptized this year. Wow!

Another example of hope: one of our dads,

Colonel Chris Miner, after learning that one of the
older boys wanted to join the Marines, spent a
few minutes explaining that to join the Marines,
the boy would need to stay in school, get good
grades, and stay clear of the law. Was this just a
passing conversation that the boy would forget?
Or was it a pivotal experience that would change
this boys future for the better? I cannot know,
but even a short interaction like this may have
filled one young person with new purpose and
hope.
So that is hope. Why grace? For most of us, the
most emotional and meaningful service on the five
nights we spent in Cortez involved a footwashing
ceremony for each workgroup. The joy in praying
for each other, in seeing such deep friendships
among the youth, the crying, the laughing, and
the crying: we all felt completely surrounded by
Gods grace that night.
There were many other moments of grace.
Like when I saw one girl from Kids Club crying,
because this was the closing barbecue for the
summer, only to be surrounded and comforted
by no fewer than four of our Saint Andrews
teenagers. Gods grace at work, right in front of
my eyes.
The third blessing from this trip is that it made
the concept of the body of Christ much more real
for me. Some of us adults who had worked at Kids
Club kept asking ourselves how our individual
work at Kids Club, over a mere two days per
person, could make a difference for kids. All these
kids were facing poverty, but a few were facing
much worse -- kids who had been abandoned by
a parent, who had a parent in prison, or dealing
meth. Kids who literally had no food at home.
Come on, how could we make a difference? But
it was not just the adults working there. It was also
our wonderful teenagers. And two other church
groups, and over the previous 8 weeks many
other church groups. Further, the program comes

So, my newfound humility, realizing how little I

can do by myself, has given me a more authentic
understanding of what it means for us to be part
of the body of Christ. Each of us is not even a
single cell in the metaphorical body of Christ. We
cannot understand all the ways in which the Holy
Spirit is guiding us. But as individuals, working
together in Gods communities, all over the world,
we, the body of Christ, can make a difference. And
thanks to our teenagers for helping to teach me
that lesson!
Julian Betts and his wife Carolyn Lee began
attending Saint Andrews 15 years ago, attracted
by the warmth of the community, the quality of
the sermons and the wonderful choir. Both of
their daughters, Phoebe (13 going on 14) and
Ariel (12) were baptized at Saint Andrews. Julian
and Carolyn are grateful for the wonderful quality
of the childrens and youth programs at Saint
Andrews. Julian is a professor of economics at
UCSD, where he is executive director of the San
Diego Education Research Alliance (sandera.ucsd.
edu).

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The Episcopal Church of

Saint Andrew the Apostle
890 Balour Dr.
Encinitas, CA 92024
Phone: 760-753-3017
E-mail: contact@standrewsepiscopal.org
Website: www.standrewsepiscopal.org
June 2015

Five Loaves. Two Smal l Fish. Enough for a Multitude.

Hope, Grace and the Body of Christ

On last years youth mission trip to Cortez, Colorado, as an adult leader, I
expected to give. But instead, I received. The three main blessings for me
from the trip were hope, grace, and a deeper understanding of what the
body of Christ really means.
First, hope -- my hope for the future has soared based on what I saw our
teenagers do. This was my first mission trip, and I still remember some of
the nine teenagers I was teamed up with from teaching kindergarten Sunday
School years ago! How would they react to the long hours of work, to lack of
sleep, and to meeting new people who, sure enough, were superficially very
different from them? Our kids, your kids, were amazing. I cant remember
once when we had to tell our teenagers what to do. They painted houses
enthusiastically and with great care. They warmly engaged with the disabled
adults whose community center we were painting. They did the same at a
nursing home. And most impressive of all, they made friends at the Kids
Club. Kids Club was an all-afternoon club for children from the community.
The children ranged from sweet five-year olds who were eager to learn
and to play to 10 to 12 year olds, whose behavior ranged from friendly to
unfriendly and worse. A few of the boys got into fights with each other and
taunted the adults relentlessly, at least at first.
Our teenagers plunged into working with the kids with enthusiasm and
patience. By the end of the second day, at a community picnic, these same
Cortez kids were hugging our teenagers. At the closing picnic we welcomed

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