Theory Paper

Module 5-Theory Paper

HD 341- Communication for Empowerment
Summer I 2014
Theresa Rochambeau
Pacific Oaks College
June 7, 2014
Stacy Moralez

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In the book, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg we
are introduced to many ways that one can be able to have peaceful
dialogues and create healthy relationships with others. One of the themes
that I liked from this book is the one about Denial of Responsibility; in this
theme we are explained how it is that, communication is a life-alienating
when it clouds our awareness that we are each responsible for our own
thoughts, feelings, and actions (Rosenberg, pg. 19). When one says things
without thinking we blame it on others and do not take blame for what we
say. I feel that whenever I say something I need to take responsibility of it
because I am the one saying it so I am not to blame anyone for what I say.
While being able to communicate with other one has to be able to accept
and take the blame for whatever we transmit to others. There are some
people that say judging things and they blame it on orders they received but
there are ways that one can say things differently making sure that we do
not hurt anyone by doing so.
The second theme I chose from the book, Nonviolent Communication
was Making Comparison; In this section Rosenberg talks about how Another
form of judgment is the use of comparison (Rosenberg, pg. 18), by one
creating comparisons between others we begin to create ideas that we are
different and in some cases that other person is better than you. From this
theme one is also able to come to think that we are able to communicate
effectively because our self-esteem is low because of the comparison
created. By creating comparisons between people one feels that others are

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better than us so we begin to face communication deficit which later makes
us feel unaccepted to society and from there all our communication
experiences are neglected. One of the things that I have learned from this
theme is that one should not compare two people because we all are unique
and are different in our own way.
Third theme I chose was Moralistic Judgments; One kind of lifealienating communication is the use of moralistic judgments that imply
wrongness or badness on the part of people who dont act in harmony with
our values. Such judgments are reflected in language (Rosenberg, pg. 15).
When one blames, insults, put-downs, labels, criticize, and compares we are
all creating judgments. When one is growing up when there are certain
things assigned to us we refer to that person as being mean or when you
are punished you say that they dont like you, all this are forms that one
begins to interpret language the way we want to. As we continue to grow we
learn that we are all different and all words have different meanings to
everyone because we all come from different backgrounds.
In the book, Messages: The Communication Skills Book by Matthew
McKay, Martha Davis, and Patrick Fanning we are thought how to discover
new skills to help one communicate our ideas more effectively and become a
better listener. In chapter 16, Communicating with Children we are
introduced to how it is that children like adults have their ways of
understanding things being told to them, we have to be nonjudgmental. In

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this book it is stated that, All your communication to your children should
include the implication that they are basically lovable and capable (McKay,
pg. 255). In order to be able to have a good communication with our children
we have to make them feel accepted and loved by us primarily so they can
grow feeling that they are accepted in society. By not doing this children can
begin to feel unwanted and they are not capable of doing things and thus
lowering their self-esteem which can lead to communication problems.
The second theme I chose was Chapter 17, Family Communication
because in this chapter it talks about how families get into trouble when
members are prohibited from expressing certain feelings, needs, or
awareness (McKay, pg. 265). I am able to relate to this generalization about
limits set my adults that one has to follow or else you would get in serious
problems with the family. When I was growing up I was always told that our
elders were always right and that we should not question what they said or
told us to do. By nurturing this type of behavior within our family one grows
up hiding certain behaviors because they were not acceptable to express. By
creating an environment where certain feelings are not allowed to be
expressed one tends to, deny, delete, substitute or incongruently
communicate aspects of our experience (McKay, pg. 268). I have now
become aware that it is important to let children express all type of feelings
because all feelings are okay to express no matter what it is.

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Third theme I chose was chapter 4, Body Language because I have
learned that there are two ways you can communicate nonverbally: with
body movements such as facial expressions, gestures, and posture and with
spatial relationships, such as how much distance you put between yourself
and the other person (McKay, pg. 59). It is important to play close attention
to body language because it is often more believable than verbal
communication. An example that I have associated with this view is Deaf
people, I have taken American Sign Language classes and I have become
aware that they use a lot of body movement and gestures to express what
they are talking about. When we talk about communication we are not only
referring to verbal communication, but rather we have to learn to interpret
the whole picture not only what the person is saying. I feel that this
something very important to do because by doing so one can become a
more effective communicator.
In the book, The New Peoplemaking by Virginia Satir we are introduced
to thoughts on self-worth, communication, family systems, and the ways in
which people relate to one another. In chapter 6, Communication: Talking
and Listening we are presented to the idea of how it is that, communication
is the largest single factor determining what kinds of relationships she or he
makes with others and what happens to each in the world (Satir, pg. 51).
Depending on the way that you communicate with people is the way that
one will be able to create relationships either with people from your own
culture or creating intercultural communication. In my case I have not really

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being exposed to many different culture since where I grew up there were
Latin dominant communities. I feel that being able to interact and
communicate with other cultures can help one to view things differently and
be able to help you reduce being a bias or prejudice person.
The second theme I chose was chapter 7, Patterns of Communication,
in this chapter we are introduced to the idea that, Its important to
understand that every time you talk, all of you talks. Whenever you say
words, your face, voice, body, breathing, and muscles are talking too (Satir,
pg. 81). When we fail to put together what we are saying and what we are
portraying with our body we generate double messages thus causing
confusion. A basic necessity that I have noticed within my own family is that
whenever we try to communicate we have to be real about what it is that we
are feeling because like that one can get trust and love which is necessary to
nourish the family. By being able to be real to the speaker one can be able to
further on the communication and express how one truly feels. In the other
hand, if we say something and our body says something totally different we
are confusing the listener and by this we are portraying to them that we
ourselves do not know how we feel or what we are saying and by this we are
making them not be interested in our conversation.

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Resource List
McKay, M., Davis, M., Fanning, P. (2009). Messages: The Communication
Skills Book. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
Rosenberg, M. B. (2003). Nonviolent Communication: A language of Life.
Encinitas, CA: PuddleDancer Press.

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Satir, V. (1988). The New Peoplemaking. Mountain View, CA: Science and
Behavior Books, Inc.