FEAR IN THE ATTIC

‘MAN CAN STARVE FROM A LACK OF SELF-REALIZATION AS MUCH AS THEY CAN FROM A LOAF
OF BREAD’---RICHARD WRIGHT

‘MAN IS FREE AND YET THERE IS NO FREEDOM; EVERYTHING IS NECESSITY BOUND BY THE L
AWS OF NATURE’---IMMANUEL KANT

‘IF MOST OF US REMAIN IGNORANT OF OURSELVES, IT IS BECAUSE SELF-KNOWLEDGE IS PAI

NFUL AND WE PREFER THE PLEASURES OF ILLUSION’---ALDOUS HUXLEY

‘IS AR SCA’TH A CH’EILE A MHAIREANN NA DOINE’

…‘PEOPLE LIVE IN ONE ANOTHER’S SHADOW’
---AN IRISH PROVERB

‘NOTHING IS MORE POWERFUL THAN HABIT’---OVID

‘LIFE ISN’T ABOUT FINDING YOURSELF. LIFE IS ABOUT CREATING YOURSELF’---GEORGE BE

RNARD SHAW

‘TO REPRESS ONE’S NEEDS OFTEN MEANS DENYING

RECOGNITION OF THE NEEDS OF THE OTHERS’
---ARTHUR JANOV

‘ILLUSION IS THE DUST THAT THE DEVIL THROWS IN THE EYES OF THE FOOLISH’---MINNA
ANTRIM
NAKED TRUTH AND VEILED ILLUSIONS
‘ENDURANCE RECURRENCE…WHAT YOU RESIST PERSISTS’…DREAMS ECHO DEEPLY AS WISHES CLO
UD INTENT AND GET THE BEST OF YOU…TUNING INTO ‘INNER NECESSITY’ ON A PATH OF HEA
RT IS THE SOLUTION TO MOVE BEYOND BEING ‘LOST IN DREAMS’…

AS JAMES HILLMAN WROTE ‘BELIEF JUSTIFIES THE CONTROL AND THE FUROR AGENDI WITH W
HICH THE SHADOW IS OPPOSED’…IT IS TRUE ‘INNER NECESSITY’ TO FACE THE REALM OF TH
E ‘UNLIVED LIFE’…
………………………………………………………………………………
FEAR IN THE ATTIC IS ABOUT CONSCIOUSNESS AS ONE’S INNER SPACE IS PERMEATED BY TH
E ONGOING SPIKES AND ‘MASS OCCUR’ MOMENTS OF THE REAL WORLD…IT IS BEING WRITTEN
DURING A GREAT NATURAL TRAGEDY…HURRICANE KATRINA…
PSYCHE’ BULLETIN

‘THE HURRICANE KATRINA CRESCENT MOONSHINE TOXIC ‘SOUPER BOWL’ OF SEPTEMBER 2005
FLOODED THE ‘NEW OR LEANS’ MARSH TERRAIN DISPLAYING THE REALITY OF ATTITUDES THA
T THE ‘MANY’ EXPERIENCED AS A TIME OF ‘EXPENDABILITY AND DISORIENTATION’…

‘KATRINA IS A LIFE THREATENING STORM WITH WATERS RISING UP TO ATTIC LEVELS LIMIT
ING CHOICES AND DECISIONS… ‘SURVIVAL’ AND FEELINGS OF DESPERATION ARE THE REALIT
Y… ‘SOMEBODY HELP US, WE NEED FOOD’…THE MADNESS IS IN THE LIGHT AND THE SHADOWS
… FEAR PERMEATES EVERY BREATH AS ‘ONLY’ BASIC SURVIVAL NECESSITY IS THE FOCUS OF
BEING’…

‘THE ‘SUPPLY SIDE’ DECADES OF GOVERNMENT WITHDRAWAL FROM THE SERVICING OF THE GE
NERAL WELFARE AND THE COMMON GOOD RUNS UP AGAINST THIS TRAGEDY OF THE ‘MANY’…THE
‘OIL AND DIRTY WATERS’ CONTAMINATE AND POLLUTE AS THE LEVEES THAT WERE SUPPOSED
TO BE BUILT UP BROKE DOWN…THE ‘WORST CASE’ SCENARIOS CAME TRUE…THE WARNINGS AND
PLANS WENT UNHEEDED’…

THIS IS A PERSONAL PSYCHE EXPLORATION NOT AN ARTICULATION OF THE ‘REALITY’ OF TH

E KATRINA NIGHTMARE…IT IS MY CONSCIOUSNESS IN SYMPATICO WITH A ‘NATURAL’ TIME OF
TRAGEDY…

FEAR IN THE ATTIC

‘ARE YOU FUCKING HER’? SHE ASKED…

ONLY THE SOUNDS OF THE WINDS BREAKING THROUGH THE EDGES OF THE WINDOWS AND DOORW
AYS COULD BE HEARD …WINDS SQUEEZING THROUGH SPACES OF EMPTINESS… NOTHINGNESS… LI
TTLE CRACKS OF PENETRATION LIKE THE PASSAGES…THE OPENINGS OF MY INNER SELF…MY PO
RTALS OF EMOTIONAL VULNERABILITY AND AWARENESS… MY SENSITIVITY TO THE CONSCIOUSN
ESS OF ENERGY FIELDS AND THE ADVENTURES OF ‘INNER NECESSITY’ EXPLORATIONS…

IT IS ALWAYS TRANSITION… PROCESS… PERCOLATION… I JUGGLE, I PONDER AND I DO PSYCH

E’ ACROBATICS… I WRESTLE IN THE LONELINESS OF MY OWN SOLITUDE… I REFOCUS AND REB
ALANCE IN DIGESTING NEW REALITIES… I LET GO OF THE BAGGAGE OF THE PAST AND I EMP
TY THE STORAGE CONTAINERS OF YESTERDAY’S LOSSES AND DREAMS…

I HEAR HER ECHO IN MY MEMORY AS PRESENT REALITY…I FEEL THE WOUNDEDNESS OF A SPLI
TTING VULNERABILITY…I FEEL A CRAZINESS OF SIMULTANEITY, A STRUGGLE TO DO WHAT I
NEED AND CHOSE WHAT I WANT…A BALANCING RHYTHM OF GROWTH AND SUSTENANCE…FEELING S
AFE YET REACHING FOR THE SPARKLING OF BECOMING…

IT IS A WAY OF LIFE…A ‘CREATIVE EVOLUTION’ WAY OF GROWTH AND STREAMLINING…AN ALT

ERATION OF CHEMISTRY AND EMOTIONAL BIOLOGY…SEEKING NEW FUELS AND THE NECESSARY C
OURAGE TO FACE THE RECURRENCES IN THE DIFFERENCES…MOVING TOWARDS MY EVOLVING NEE
DS AND THE LOSSES OF INNOCENCE…

IT IS MORE THAN PERSONAL… IT IS A SYSTEMIC TURBULENCE AS I FIND MYSELF ALIENATED

FROM THE CONSUMPTION DRIVES OF THE ORDINARY…THE ‘STRIVING’ NORMALCY OF ‘JONES’
RATS IN A RACE TO GET A BETTER LEVERAGE ON THE OTHERS…I DO NOT WANT TO BE DEFINE
D IN THE MONEY PRISONS OF MATERIAL DISPLAY…I SEEK ESSENCES AND SIMPLICITY…I TRY
TO MOVE IN MY OWN PACING AND AVOID THE VIBRATIONS OF TODAY’S TERRORS AND YESTERD
AY’S HORRORS…I RECOGNIZE HOW MUCH THE OTHERS ARE FATIGUED IN THEIR EXCESSES OF A
CCUMULATIONS AND ‘ZONED OUT’ CONSUMPTION COMPLIANCE…

I SIMPLIFY AS I DISTANCE MYSELF FROM THE CONVENIENCE STORE ADVERTISEMENT ‘WHAT E

LSE DO YOU NEED’ THAT FEEDS THE ‘MANY’ WHO FEEL INADEQUATE AND ‘NOT GOOD ENOUGH’
AND ARE WEARING ‘UNWORTHY’ SHAME MASKS ‘TRYING TO BE’ AS ONE IS ‘EXPECTED’ TO B
E INSTEAD OF AS ‘ONE IS’…IT IS THIS ‘ILLNESS’ IN THE ‘ORDINARY ECONOMY’ WHERE VI
CTIMS OF SYSTEMIC DAMAGE MUST PAY AGAIN AND AGAIN IN ORDER TO SURVIVE…
THE INJUSTICE OF THE RHYTHMS OF AN ECONOMIC SYSTEM OF BUILDING PYRAMIDS COMPRESS
ING THE MASS IS A NIGHTMARE THAT SQUEEZES ME AND EVERYONE ELSE AND FOSTERS STRIV
ING ‘BY ANY MEANS’ TO GET WHAT ONE CAN… IT IS A SYSTEM THAT ‘FEEDS’ OFF OF OTHER
S ‘PSYCHE’ INJURIES AND WOUNDS AS ‘THE MORE THERE ARE OF YOU THE LESS YOU ARE OF
ANY VALUE’ REDIRECTS THE ‘MANY’ INTO A BROAD SPECTRUM OF ‘ESCAPISM’ AND ‘GETTIN
G AWAY FROM IT ALL’ BEHAVIORS…

THE ASSUMPTIONS OF THE PYRAMID FOUNDATION OF ‘E PLURIBUS UNUM’ OR ‘ONE OUT OF MA

NY’ GUARANTEES IMBALANCES OF REPETITION AND ELITISM…THERE IS NO HEALTHY OR SAFE
GROUND FLOOR AS ‘THE EXCEPTION THAT MAKES THE RULE’ IS CONSTANTLY USED TO JUSTIF
Y THAT IT IS POSSIBLE TO DO ANYTHING…THE ‘EXCEPTION’ BLINDS AND BINDS’…

AS JACK KENNEDY SAID A FEW MONTHS BEFORE HIS ASSASSINATION… ‘THE GREAT ENEMY OF
THE TRUTH IS VERY OFTEN NOT THE LIE—DELIBERATE, CONTINUED, AND DISHONEST—BUT THE
MYTH—PERSISTENT, PERSUASIVE AND UNREALISTIC.’

THE REALITY OF THE ‘MANY’ IS A ‘DIVIDE AND CONQUER’ RHYTHM OF ‘MARKET PLACE’ IN
ENHANCED VALUES OF ‘SCARCITY-RARITY’ WHERE OBJECTS ARE WORTH MORE THAN LIVES…IT
IS THE ‘SKEW OF THE FEW’…A ‘HAVE TO HAVE’ GAME DEMANDING ‘GRATITUDE’ FOR BEING ‘
CHOSEN’…EQUALITY OF OPPORTUNITY IS AS MUCH A MYTH AS THE PROCLAMATION THAT ‘ALL
MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL’…

ONE QUICKLY LEARNS THAT ‘MAKING THE MOST OF ONE’S CIRCUMSTANCES’ AND GETTING LUC
KY IS THE ONLY PATH AVAILABLE AS ONE GETS IN TOUCH WITH ONES ‘INNER NECESSITY’ A
ND THE PRESSURES OF THE ‘REAL WORLD’…DOING ONE’S HOMEWORK IS THE ONGOING WAY OF
PRESENCE TO MAKE GOOD CHOICES AS OPPORTUNITIES BECOME AVAILABLE…IT IS A BELIEF T
HAT ‘ONE MAKES ONE’S OWN BREAKS’…

‘ARE YOU FUCKING HER’…IT WAS ALMOST A WHISPER IN THE WINDS…

I FEEL THE STRUGGLE OF BEING ‘ORDINARY’…THE ONGOING ‘UNFAIRNESS’ AS ‘IMAGE’ AND

‘LEVERAGING’ ARE THE ‘HUSTLE’ OF ‘MAKING THE CONNECTIONS’ TO SUCCEED…IT IS ‘ADVE
RTISING FOR ONESELF’ THAT COMPELS THE WORLD TO ‘PAY ATTENTION’…

IT IS ‘IMAGERY’ AND ‘IDOL WORSHIP’ FEEDING THE ‘LEVERAGING’ AND CONSTRUCTION OF

AN ‘INNER UNREAL’… IT IS THE IMBALANCE OF ‘STRIVING’ IN A PERSONALITY MODE TO GE
T RECOGNITION AND SATISFY ‘PRESSURES’ FROM PARENTS AND PEERS …A ‘110%’ ILLUSION
MODE THAT ‘USES UP’ LIFE FORCE ENERGIES IN THE NEAR TERM FOR THE ‘TROPHIES OF TH
E ‘TOP DOWN’ REWARDS GAME…

IT IS THE FOSTERING OF THE ‘IMAGE’…THE ‘ILLUSION’…THE ‘DECEPTION’ THAT GETS RECO

GNITION AS ‘PERSONALITY’ AND ENTERTAINMENT BECOME MORE VALUED THAN SUBSTANCE AND
AUTHENTICITY…

IT IS ‘POWER’ AS ‘LEVERAGED’ SOMETIMES ‘ROBBING PETER TO PAY PAUL’…IT IS THE ‘BY

ANY MEANS’ VALUE OF GAINING ADVANTAGE…IT IS ‘ALL IS FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR’ AS A
REALPOLITIQUE OF CHOICES…

SOMEWHERE WITHIN THERE IS A HUNGER FOR BEING THAT MAY BE ‘REALIZED’… ‘FORGED’ IN
DAILY ‘BAPTISMS OF FIRE’ TO ESTABLISH A ‘REAL WILL’ TO BE AUTHENTIC…IT IS A RES
OLVE OF HEART HARMONIZING WITH SPIRIT AS ONE WORKS THROUGH THE CONTRADICTIONS OF
GROWTH…

PERSONAL TRANSFORMATION REQUIRES SOLITUDE AND AN ASSESSMENT OF SELF IDENTIFYING

WHAT CONSTITUTES ‘ONE’S OWN WORK’…IT IS STEPPING AWAY FROM THE RHYTHMS AND VALUE
S OF ‘WHAT IS’ IN ORDER TO ‘OWN’ ONE’S LIFE’…

THE PATH OF THE REAL IS THE GENERATIVE…ONE MUST SEEK TO GENERATE A ‘CREATIVE ACT
’ UNIQUE TO ONE’S OWN BEING…IT IS THE BEGINNING OF BUILDING A FOUNDATION OF PERS
ONAL JUSTICE…IT IS ART MAKING AS A ‘PURIFICATION’ OR AN ALCHEMY OF DISTILLING ES
SENCES OF THE REAL SELF…IT IS A ‘CLEANSING MODE’ OF BECOMING THAT ILLUMINATES TH
E EMERGENCE OF WHAT ‘MATTERS’ AND FACILITATES A FURTHER JOURNEY INTO THE UNKNOWN
…

ONE MUST FIND THE CURIOSITY OF ‘INNER NECESSITY’ AND ‘ACT’…TUNING INTO THE NECES
SITY ‘PATH OF THE HEART’ AWAKENS ONE’S REAL POTENTIAL EVEN AS ONE LETS GO OF FAN
TASY DREAMS AND ‘YESTERDAY’S MAGIC’…

‘INNER NECESSITY’ IS IDENTIFYING ONE’S PERSONAL INNER ‘WHETHER’…ONE’S REAL ‘NATU

RE’… ONE’S STATE OF NATURE…THE EFFECTS OF EMOTIONAL AND PSYCHE STORMS IN OUR NER
VES AND FIBERS…OUR OWN PRIVATE INNER ENVIRONMENT…
WE GENERALLY ENCOUNTER THE ‘CATASTROPHE’ TESTS OF ‘HURRICANES’ OR ‘TERROR ATTACK
S’ AS ‘MASS-OCCUR’ MOMENTS OF PSYCHE’ PENETRATION…WE SHARE THE ‘HORROR’ OF THE ‘
MADNESS’ AS WE ‘ADAPT TO THE RHYTHMS’ OF THE ‘HERD’…

IT IS AN ONGOING STRUGGLE TO KNOW ONE’S OWN FEELINGS THAT ARE NOT ‘TRAUMATIZED’
BY THE ‘HYSTERIA’ THAT PERVADES THE OTHERS…IT IS THE INDIVIDUATION OF THE REAL S
ELF THAT SEPARATES FROM THE ‘CROWD’ AND THE ‘MOB’…

PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS IN A HURRY TO ESCAPE AND GET CAUGHT UP IN THE ‘LATEST’ FAD OR
EVENT THAT AFFORDS A WAY TO BE PART OF SOMETHING ‘LARGER’…TO BE IN AN ‘ORDERING’
OF A ‘GROUP’ WITH THE ‘RIGHT’ BELIEF…TO BE PART OF A FAITH OF ‘MANY’…

INDIVIDUAL FREEDOM IS DISCOVERING ONE’S OWN WAY…

IT IS NOT TO ESTABLISH POWER OVER OTHERS…IT IS NOT TO ‘DOMINATE’ OR ‘HYPNOTIZE’
THE BREATH AND DESIRE OF THE GROUP…IT IS NOT TO ‘TRANCE’ AND ‘AWE’ USING ‘SPORTS
’ OR ‘ENTERTAINMENT’…IT IS NOT TO ‘HOODWINK’ TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THE SINCERE AND
THE SUSCEPTIBLE…

SOMEWHERE IN THE HEART OF THE MATTER IS A POTENTIAL OF RESOLVE TO ‘CHOOSE WISELY

’…AN ‘OPPORTUNE’ TIME OF ‘TAKING’ A NEW STEP…A ‘CALCULATED RISK’…A TIME IN THE M
IDST OF A CRISIS TO FIND ONE’S NEW WAY…TO GET BEYOND THE REACTIVITY OF THE ‘MANY
’…TO ACT WITH AN ‘INTEGRITY’ OF WHAT ONE ’REALLY’ WISHES TO DO…IT IS A BALANCING
OF THE PRESSURES OF THE MICRO AND THE MACRO…

IT IS A TIME TO KNOW ONESELF IN A NEW WAY…

SUDDENLY LIGHTNING AND THUNDER SHAKE THE ENTIRE BUILDING… THE LIGHT FLASHES ILLU
MINATING THE ATTIC…THERE IS A SENSE OF ‘NOTHINGNESS’ AS I FEEL DEVOID OF CONNECT
ION TO ANYTHING EXCEPT THE OVERWHELMING FORCE OF ‘NATURE’…

I FEEL UNSAFE…THE WINDS AND THE RAIN POUND ON THE ROOF … I WONDER IF I WILL SURV
IVE…THE FLOOD WATERS ARE ALL AROUND AND I AM COMPLETELY ALONE…FEAR PERVADES MY S
ENSES…

THE SOUNDS OF THE STORM ARE ALL THAT CAN BE HEARD…UNTIL…

‘ARE YOU’?

HER VOICE IS SHRILL AND DEMANDING AS IT SEEMS TO COME OUT OF THE STORM…IT IS VER
Y DARK…I KNOW SHE IS NEAR…I JUST DO NOT SEE HER… MAYBE MY MIND IS PLAYING TRICKS
ON ME…I FEEL HUNGRY AND THIRSTY…MY SENSES ARE THROWING ME ‘OFF BALANCE’…THE STO
RM IS DEMANDING ALL OF MY ATTENTION…

EVEN THOUGH I AM UNABLE TO SEE HER I FEEL HER TERROR…IT IS MY TERROR…I KNOW HER
AS SHE ECHOES IN MY BEING…

I KNOW SHE LEARNED TO FEAR DESIRE EVEN BEFORE SHE WAS BORN…IT WAS BECAUSE SHE FE
ARED DESIRE THAT ‘THEY’ GOT HER TO DO THEIR ‘DIRTY WORK’ FOR THEM… ‘HER SEXUALIT
Y’ WAS USED AS A WEAPON AGAINST HER…

SHE WAS STARVING FOR SUSTENANCE AND RELEASE FROM THE ‘FALSE ECHOES’ AND THE ‘MED
IA ILLUSIONS’ SHE TRIED TO IMITATE…SHE LEARNED TO DISPLAY AND POSTURE TO GET ‘AT
TENTION’ AND RECOGNITION…SHE FILTERED EVERYTHING THROUGH WISHES AS SHE BURIED HE
R REAL FEELINGS DEEP INSIDE…

THE ‘STRIDENCY’ IN HER VOICE IS ‘FAMILIAR’…I TURN AROUND TOWARD THE SOUND BUT I
ONLY SEE SHADOWS MOVING ON THE WALL…SHE IS SOMEONE I KNOW YET I AM NOT SURE WHO
SHE IS…DOUBT CLOUDS MY SENSES…THE VOICE OF ANOTHER ‘ECHOES’…MAYBE MY MIND IS JUS
T PLAYING TRICKS ON ME…

THERE IS AGONY AND LOSS IN THIS VOICE THAT PRESSURES COMPLIANCE AND CONTAINMENT…

‘ARE YOU FUCKING HER’…

THE VOICE IS SOMEWHAT DIFFERENT…A BIT MORE RATIONAL YET CHALLENGING AND MAKES ME
FEEL MY FEAR AND INADEQUACY…
THE BRANCHES OF THE BIG OAK TREE POUND AGAINST THE ATTIC WINDOW AS THE HEAVY RAI
N RESONATES THROUGH THE ROOF. THE SOUNDS OF NATURE SEEMED TO ECHO MY OWN INNER T
URBULENCE… MY OWN NATURE…

I FEEL ‘ENCOUNTER’ IN MY TURBULENCE…AN ‘UPHEAVAL’ OF ‘INNER NECESSITY’ DEMANDING

THAT I ESTABLISH A NEW FOCUS FOR MY ACTIONS… I SEARCH FOR THE REAL AND THE ‘APP
ROPRIATE’ WORDS IN THE MIDST OF THE STORM’…

I WISH I WOULD FEEL ENOUGH STRENGTH TO GET BEYOND THE TERRORS OF ‘MISTRUST AND F
EAR’… I DO NOT SEE A WAY OUT OF THE ‘JUST KEEP DOING WHAT YOU ARE DOING’ LACK OF
LEADERSHIP EXCEPT TO SEEK A ‘HIGHER GROUND’…

I THOUGHT AN ESCAPE TO THE ATTIC WOULD AFFORD SAFETY AND SPIRITUAL PEACE…AN ESCA
PE THAT WOULD FREE ME FROM THE MOMENTUM AND CALLOUSNESS OF THE ‘HAVE TO HAVE’ GA
ME … I THOUGHT I COULD ESCAPE FROM THE RUTHLESSNESS OF THE ‘HAVES’ WHO VALUE ‘EX
PENDABILITY’ AND ARE ALWAYS QUITE WILLING TO LOSE ‘MANY’ OF THE ‘HAVE NOTS’ AS A
COST OF DOING BUSINESS…

IT IS THE NEVERENDING STORY OF THE MIGRATIONS AND DESPERATENESS OF THE ‘MANY’…TH

E ‘MANY’ THAT ARE CAUGHT UP IN THE WALKING NIGHTMARES OF WOUNDEDNESS…THE ‘MANY’
CONSTANTLY REACTING ON DEEP UNCONSCIOUS LEVELS TO THE INJURIES OF POWERLESSNESS
IN SEXUALITY, RACE AND WEALTH… THE ‘MANY’ POPULATING THE ‘SLEEPING CROWDS’ OF DE
SPERATE AND HUNGRY CONSUMERS…THE ‘MANY’ THAT MARCH ON AS THE ‘ARMY OF THE STATUS
QUO’…THE ‘MANY’ WILLING TO PERFORM AS VENTING ENTERTAINERS FOR THE RELIEF OF TH
E ‘MASS’…THE ‘MANY’ AS EXPENDABLES IN WARS, HOLOCAUSTS, SLAVERY, AND MODERN DAY
GENOCIDES…THE ‘MANY’ LOSING ‘PENSIONS’ AND REWARDS FOR ‘LOYALTY’ LONG FORGOTTEN…

THERE IS A REALITY GOING ON WITHIN THAT IS VERY DIFFERENT FROM THE STORM OUTSIDE
…

I AM TALKING TO MYSELF AS THE OBSERVER AND THE MONITOR OF MY OWN LIFE…THERE IS A

QUICKNESS IN THE ACTIONS, REDIRECTIONS AND CHOICES…I AM THE JUDGE AND THE JURY
DECIDING ‘RIGHT AND WRONG’ AS WELL AS THE ‘SENTENCING’ OF ‘GUILT’ AND SOME FORM
OF ‘PUNISHMENT’ EVEN IF IT IS A WITHDRAWAL FROM THE ORDINARY PLEASURES OF LIFE…

THE WINDS AND THE RAIN ARE ‘HOWLING’ AND I FEEL LIKE MY INNER STATE IS BEING OVE
RWHELMED…I FEEL A ‘HURRY-CANE’ SENSE OF SHIFTING IMBALANCES…I FEEL THE FEAR OF T
HE FORCES OF THE ELEMENTS BREAKING THROUGH MY ‘ORDERING’…
IT IS THEIR MOMENTUM… ‘WHAT WILL COME NEXT IS ONLY POSSIBLE IF WHAT IS THERE NOW
IS GONE’…IT IS THE ESSENCE OF CAPITALISM AS IT DESTROYS AND REPLACES WHAT HAS B
ECOME ‘EXPENDABLE’…

IS THE ‘COMMON GOOD’ AND THE ‘GENERAL WELFARE’ MERELY A MEANS TO A ‘NEW GLOBAL O
RDER’ BASED UPON CORPORATE AND ELITE DEFINITIONS THAT FOSTER ‘LITTLE GOVERNMENT’
UP AGAINST ‘BIG MONEY’ AND ‘BIG RHYTHMS’…

I KNOW THAT THERE IS NOT MUCH THAT I CAN DO EXCEPT TO DO WHAT GOETHE SAID TO DO
‘MY NEAREST DUTY’…

I EXPERIENCE A NEW ‘INNOCENCE’ IN THE CRISIS OF THE ‘STORM’… MY INSTINCTS AND IN

TUITION ARE MORE IMPORTANT…I FEEL THAT THESE ‘SURVIVAL’ ENERGIES AND ACTIONS COM
E ALIVE OUT OF THE DEPTHS OF THE MY ‘TRAUMA’ AND ‘WOUNDEDNESS’…

I SENSE A LIGHTENING UP OF ENERGIES AS COMPLIANCE GIVES WAY TO GENERATIVITY AND

DESIRE MOVES FORWARD INTO THE UNKNOWN INSTEAD OF THE FAMILIAR… I REALIZE A NEED
FOR SELF-COMPASSION IN ASSESSING AND RELEASING MYSELF FROM THE STRUGGLES OF ‘YES
TERDAZE’…IT IS A COMPASSION RESPECTING MY DRAMA OF HOW MUCH I HAVE REALLY DONE ‘
WHATEVER I HAD TO DO’ TO KEEP GOING…I HAVE TO ‘ADAPT’ AND STAY IN TOUCH WITH MY
‘ROOTS’ EVEN IF THEY ARE DESTROYED BY THE FORCES OF THE DARK…

I HEAR IT IN MY ECHOES… SOMETIMES THE DEEP RESONANCE IS ALL JUST ‘ECHOES’ OF DRE
AMS AND DEMANDS… ‘KEEP GOING’… ‘DON’T GIVE IT ANY WEIGHT’… ‘DON’T PAY ANY ATTENT
ION TO THE STRUGGLES OF THE OTHERS’… ‘IT’S NOT MY JOB MAN’…THERE ARE TOO MANY DI
STRACTIONS SO I LEARN TO WEAR ACOUSTICAL BLINDERS TO LIMIT THE PIERCINGS AND INT
RUSIONS THAT PENETRATE MY SENSITIVE NERVES AND FEELINGS…

THE WINDS SOUND LIKE A COLLECTION OF SIRENS OVERWHELMING ME IN INTENSITIES OF DE

MAND…MY ECHOES RISE AND COLLIDE WITH ALL THE OTHER SOUNDS…I FEEL LIKE ULYSSES TR
YING TO KEEP MY PURPOSE WHILE BEING OVERLOADED WITH THE PIERCINGS AND PENETRATIO
NS OF THE FORCES ALL AROUND…

THERE IS ‘CRONYISM’ AND ‘EVERY ONE FOR HIS OR HER SELF’ AS THE BELIEF IN ‘ONE OU
T OF MANY’ PLAYS OUT IN HEARTS AND MINDS AS ‘SOME PEOPLE ARE MORE EQUAL THAN OTH
ERS’…
THE FRIGHTENING THUNDERS ADD TO MY FEAR AND ISOLATION AS I REALIZE THAT ‘HELP’ I
S NOT ON THE WAY…THE STORM CONTINUES TO ASSAULT THE ATTIC…I AM FIGHTING FOR MY S
AFETY AND HOPE WHILE LOOKING INTO THE BRIEFLY ILLUMINATING SHADOWS THAT ARE PLAY
ING TRICKS ON MY EYES…

I WANT…I NEED…I SEARCH FOR THE MISSING IN AN ATTIC WHERE THERE IS SO MUCH ‘NOTHI
NG’ AND EMPTINESS…I AM CONSTANTLY FORCED BACK INTO MYSELF AS NO RESOURCES ARE AV
AILABLE…I GRASP FOR THE TRUTH OF MY OWN RESOLVE…

IT IS ‘INSTINCT’… IT IS GETTING BEYOND THE ‘SHAME’ OR THE ‘LACK’ KNOWING THAT TH

E ONES WHO DO NOT SURVIVE ARE MORE LIKELY TO PREVENT THEIR OWN SURVIVAL…

‘I JUST WANT YOU TO LOVE ‘ME’… ‘ONLY ME’… HER VOICE SOFTENS SEEKING REASSURANCE…

MY MIND WANDERS AS I THINK ABOUT HOW I HAVE LEARNED TO REDIRECT MY ENERGIES… TO

FOCUS MY INVOLVEMENTS TO ‘REALISM OF ENCOUNTER’ DETERMINING THE DEGREE THAT SOME
ONE IS TRULY SEEKING TO ALTER THEIR ‘INERTIA’ MORE THAN MERELY EXPAND THEIR POWE
R BASE AND ‘ORBITAL’ CONTROLS… I SEEK TO HELP WHEN ‘MOTIVATION’ IS BEYOND THE IM
MATURITY OF ‘WILFULNESS’ AND SELF HARMING ‘INDULGENCE’ EVEN IF THE OTHER IS STIL
L ENMESHED IN ‘SHAME’… I SEEK ONLY TO DO WHAT IS IN A ‘PATH OF THE HEART’ CONNEC
TION OF ‘SHARED WILL’… I HELP WHEREVER EMERGENCE IS OCCURRING…

‘I JUST WANT YOU TO LOVE ‘ME’… ‘ONLY ME’… HER VOICE ECHOES…

IT IS A BATTLE TIME WITH THE INFLUENCES OF ELECTRA, OEDIPUS, AND THE SPHINX… THE
MATURATION STRUGGLE SURFACING FROM A MEMORY OF AN ENCOUNTER WITH INNER ‘EMPTINE
SS’…A DEEP ECHOIC TAUTNESS ALONG THE MEMORY EDGES OF THE FIRST STIRRINGS OF THE
LIBIDO…AN EROS VULNERABILITY AND WOUNDEDNESS… MAYBE A BIRTH TRAUMA…MAYBE THE WIT
HDRAWAL OF THE MOTHER’S BREAST…MAYBE THE FEAR OF BEING SWALLOWED UP BY THE MOTHE
R…MAYBE THERE WAS NOT ENOUGH TIME BECAUSE OF AN AMBITION OF AN ‘AM-BITCH-IN’ MOT
HER…MAYBE THERE WAS NOT ENOUGH SUSTENANCE TO GO AROUND…IT FEELS SIMILAR TO THE P
YRAMIDISM VALUE OF ‘THE MORE THERE ARE OF YOU, THE LESS YOU ARE OF ANY VALUE’…IT
IS THE SENSE OF ‘SCARCITY’ AND DEMAND…IT IS THE CORRELATION WITH THE ‘MARKET PL
ACE’ AS THERE IS ‘NOT ENOUGH’ TO GO AROUND AND ‘EACH’ FEELS ‘NOT GOOD ENOUGH’ AN
D LEARNS TO PERFORM TO ‘GET WHAT ONE NEEDS’…

ONE LEARNS TO FIGHT FOR NEEDS…ONE LEARNS TO KICK AND SCREAM…TO BITE…TO ACT OUT O
R ACT IN TO GET WHAT ONE NEEDS…ONLY IN TIME DOES ONE REALIZE THAT THE ‘MANY’ DO
NOT FEEL LOVED ENOUGH…IT IS THE QUEST OF WHAT IS ‘ONE’ ABLE TO DO TO BE WHAT IS
‘REQUIRED’ … WHAT IS ‘ONE’ NEEDED FOR BECOMES MORE THAN THE VALUE OF ONE WHO JUS
T ‘IS’…WHAT ARE YOU ‘WILLING TO DO’ TO BE ‘VALUED’…

A PERSONAL VICTORY BECOMES A SENSE OF KNOWING THAT THE ‘VIRTUE’ IS THE REWARD IN
AND OF ITSELF YET PRACTICALITY DEMANDS THAT ONE BE ‘STREET SMART’ ENOUGH TO ‘MA
KE THE MOST OF CIRCUMSTANCES’ WHILE ‘EVOLVING’ INTO A MORE SPIRITUALLY AUTHENTIC
PRESENCE…

TRUE INDEPENDENCE IS HEALTHY PRESENCE…

THE SYSTEMIC ONLY RARELY RECOGNIZES THE POTENCY OF THE PSYCHOLOGICALLY HEALTHY P
ERSON BECAUSE IT RELIES UPON ‘FALSE ECHOES’ TO KEEP IT ALL GOING IN AN INERTIA O
F THE ‘STATUS QUO’…THE ‘CONFUSION’ OF ‘WHAT MATTERS’ FUELS THE ‘RULE OF THE FEW’
AS ‘DISTRACTION’ AND ‘LACK’ ARE REINFORCED BY A CONSTANT BARRAGE OF ‘TEMPTATION
S’ OF ‘CONSTRUCTIVE DISCONTENTMENT’ THAT ONE MUST ‘BUY THIS TO BECOME THIS’…ONE
MUST ‘KEEP PACE’ TO TRY TO HAVE A ‘CHANCE’ OF BEING ‘ONE OUT OF MANY’…

THE FAMILIARITY OF CODES OF ASSOCIATION AND ‘FAITH’ IN PATTERNS OF BELIEF KEEP T

HE INSTITUTIONALIZATION IN SUPPORT OF ‘JUST KEEP DOING WHAT YOU ARE DOING’ UNTIL
‘THEY DECIDE’ WHAT IS TO BE CHANGED…

OLIVER SACHS SAYS THAT ‘INDIVIDUALITY IS INHERENT IN ALL ILLNESS’… INDIVIDUAL IL

LNESS MAY BE EXPOSURE TO THE CUTTING EDGE AS IF ONE WERE IN A GAME OF MUSICAL CH
AIRS OR MERELY A VICTIM OF ‘WHEN IN ROME EAT LIKE THE ROMANS’ EATING TAINTED FOO
DS…

DAMAGE AND WOUNDS FROM THE PAST SHAPE PERCEPTIONS AND WAYS OF BEING IN THE PRESE
NT… A PRIMAL TRAUMA MAY SEND ONE INTO A ‘ZONED’ PATTERN OF CONSTANTLY ANTICIPATI
NG THE RECURRENCE OF SOMETHING BEING TAKEN AWAY…THE MADNESS IN THE FORM OF AN ‘E
XPECTANCY EXCESS’…DEFENDING ONE’S SELF BY STAYING IN A CONTRARIAN STATE OF PROTE
CTION TO MINIMIZE THE THREAT OF ANOTHER ‘LOSS’…

IT IS LIKE BEING IN ‘LIMBO’ AS ONE SURVIVES BY ‘SUFFERING’ THROUGH ‘THEIR RHYTHM

S’… ONE LEARNS THEIR GAMES AND WITHDRAWS FROM THE SURFACE BUILDING AN INNER ‘UNR
EAL SYSTEM’ TO WARD OFF OR ‘MEDIATE’ THEIR DEMANDS…
THE ‘INNER UNREAL SYSTEM’ MAINTAINS THEIR EGOCENTRICITY’ AND NARCISSISM…IT JUSTI
FIES THE ‘BURDENS’ OF SATISFYING OR VALIDATING ‘THEIR CHOICES’… THE PRESSURES OF
‘COMPLIANCE’ SUPPORTS THE ORDER OF HOW MUCH IS BEING ‘SACRIFICED’ TO ATTAIN THE
‘GOODS’ AND THE ‘WAY OF LIFE’…

ONE MAY BE A ‘COG’ IN THE MOMENTUM OF ‘BUILDING PYRAMIDS’ AND BELIEVE THERE IS ‘
NOTHING THAT ONE CAN DO ABOUT IT’ IN ADHERING TO THE TENETS OF ‘THE EXCEPTIONS T
HAT MAKE THE RULE’…ONE MAY BELIEVE THAT ONE MAY BE THE ‘SELECTED’ OR THE ‘LUCKY’
IN FINDING AN OPPORTUNITY TO ‘WIN’ AND ‘BEAT THE SYSTEM’…

‘I WANT YOU TO WANT ME…TO NEED ME’…SHE WHISPERED VERY TENDERLY…

THERE IS REJECTION AND ABANDONMENT CRUELLY ENMESHED IN HER ‘INNER REALITY’ AS A

DEEP REACTIVITY TO THE RAGE OF A FATHER DISAPPOINTED IN THE DAUGHTER THAT IS ‘NO
T GOOD ENOUGH’…THERE IS A ‘CONSTANCY’ OF THIS INSULT AS SHE IS UNABLE TO MAINTAI
N CLOSE AND INTIMATE RHYTHMS OF CONNECTION WITH THE MEN IN HER LIFE…IT IS THE PR
ESSURE TO ‘DISTANCE’ AND ‘THWART’ MALE DESIRE BECAUSE ‘FLIGHT’ IS THE WAY OF MAN
AGING HER FEAR…SHE PRECLUDES HER ACHIEVEMENT OF ‘GETTING WHAT SHE WANTS’ BECAUSE
THE STRUGGLE IS AN ENCOUNTER WITH THE ‘SCARY PAST’ RATHER THAN A ‘SOULFUL’ ENGA
GEMENT WITH THE REALISM OF THE PRESENT…

SHE TESTS AND BAITS AND FINDS SOME FORM OF RELEASE UNTIL SHE GETS TOO CLOSE TO T
HE REAL…IT IS THE BASIS FOR ‘FLIGHT’ AS ‘BEING SEEN’ IS TOO VULNERABLE OF A STAT
E…THE ‘EXPOSED’ SENSE OF HER HEART AND THE HISTORICAL VIOLATIONS OF HER WISHES C
OMPELS HER TO ‘DISTANCE’…SOMEHOW TO BALANCE HER CONTRADICTIONS BY MEDIATING THE
‘CONSENT’ AND ‘ACCESS’ TO HER ‘SEXUALITY’…

SHE EXPERIENCES DISSOCIATION TO GET HER NEEDS MET WHILE ‘SPLITTING OFF’ FROM THE
‘IMBALANCED BONDS’ THAT ‘THEY’ ESTABLISHED…THE ‘UNREAL WAYS’ BECOME NORMAL AS A
CTUAL NEEDS ARE NEVER MET…
IT IS THE MENTALITY OF THE ALCOHOLIC WAY AS A CONSTANT TRANSFERRENCE…A CONSTANT
‘PROJECTION’ OF A FEELING OF A LACK OF SELF WORTH INTO THE SON OR DAUGHTER…THE A
LCOHOLIC WAY CONSTANTLY HAS TO DISPLAY THAT HE HAS POWER BECAUSE HE FEELS POWERL
ESS…THE UNDERLYING SENSE OF FEELING ‘NOT GOOD ENOUGH’ DRIVES THE CONSUMPTION TO
‘PROVE’ THAT ONE IS ACTUALLY ‘GOOD’…

THERE IS ONLY SURVIVAL AND SYSTEMIC ADHERENCE AND ‘BOOSTERISM’ AS SUCCESS IS IN

THE IDENTIFICATION WITH ‘THEIR AUTHORITY’ INSTEAD OF AS A RESULT OF PERSONAL PRE
SENCE…LADDER CLIMBING AND DOING WHAT IS DEMANDED IS THE MEANS OF ‘GETTING’ STATU
S… AN EXCHANGE FOR ‘THE DIRTY WORK’ OF ‘TAKING CARE’ OR MANAGING THE ‘AFFAIRS OF
THE OWNERS’…

THERE IS NO ROOM FOR MASLOWS’ QUEST OF ‘SELF ACTUALISATION’ AS ONE PURSUES THE P
ATH OF HORSE TRADING AND SALESMANSHIP IN BEING WHATEVER THE ‘POWERS THAT BE’ EXP
ECT AND REWARD…THE ‘JOB’ GETS THE ‘MONEY’…IT IS THE ‘DEAL’ OF THE LEVERAGINGS AN
D TRADE-OFFS…ONE SERVES AT THE ‘WILL’ OF ‘BIG MONEY’ IN KEEPING IT ALL GOING…A R
OLE OF HELPING TO MANAGE THE ‘ELECTRONIC HERD’ OF GLOBALIZATION…

THE GAMBLING MENTALITY PERMEATES THE RHYTHMS OF DIMINISHING ‘MUSICAL CHAIRS’ AS

ONE ASSUMES THAT ONE WILL NOT BE ONE OF THE ‘EXPENDABLES’…ONE WILL BE A ‘SUCCESS
’ OR AT LEAST A SURVIVOR…MOST DO THE TRADEOFFS OF THE REAL AND THE PERSONAL IN O
RDER TO GET THE REWARDS FROM THE PYRAMID OWNERS…

AFTER AWHILE THE ‘WORDS OF THE AUTHORITY’ SEEM TO BECOME ‘THEIR OWN’ AND BEING R
EAL IS NOT EVEN IN THE GAME… BEING IN A STATUS ‘MARKET SHARE’ IS WHAT HAS VALUE…
ESTABLISHING ‘REPRESENTATION’ INSTEAD OF PRESENCE… ‘WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET
’…THE REALITY BEING MUCH DIFFERENT…IT IS ‘SOUND BITE’ AND ‘IMPRESSION MANAGEMENT
’ AS THE ‘SPEED OF THE GREED’ DEMANDS LESS AND LESS DEPTH OF CONNECTION AND MORE
AND MORE DISTANCING…

IT IS LEVERAGING, LEVERAGING, LEVERAGING UNTIL THERE IS ONLY DISPLAY AND ACCUMUL

ATIONS TO ‘STATE’ WHO ONE IS…POWER AND BEING ABLE TO DEAL WITH ALL TYPES OF ‘SHA
DOWS’ MERELY MAINTAINS THE WAYS OF ‘THE POWERS THAT BE’…

THE SOLUTION OF THE REAL STRUGGLE IS ELEMENTAL…IT IS A JOURNEY INTO HUNGER AND T
HE WAYS WE ‘PACIFY’… IT IS THE JOURNEY INTO THE MASTER EMOTION…SHAME…A FEAR OF B
EING EXPOSED OR DISCOVERED…THE POWER OF ‘SHAME’ OR THE ‘IDEALIZED’ IMAGE WALL TH
AT MASKS THE VULNERABILITY OF THE REAL…

IT IS KNOWING THE DEGREE TO WHICH ONE SERVES THE ‘FALSE ECHO’ OF THE PYRAMID SCH
EME THAT RULES THE CULTURE…IT IS THE RECOGNITION OF ONE’S PLACE IN THE PECKING D
ISTRIBUTION OF EMPIRE ORDERING THAT THRIVES ON ‘SURROGATE’ SERVICE IN EXCHANGE F
OR REAL ‘SELF RELIANCE’…IT IS THE INSTITUTIONAL SQUEEZE OF LIMITED CHOICE COMPEL
LING ONE TO GET ‘SOMETHING’ TO RESOLVE THE THREAT OF ‘NOTHING’…

IT IS THE ACCUMULATION OF ‘TENSION’ AS FEELINGS OF ‘NOT GOOD ENOUGH’ INCREASES I

N THE SYMBOLIC OR PSYCHOLOGICAL SELF BECOMING THE ‘UNREAL SELF’ OF COMPLIANCE AD
APTING TO THE ‘FALSE ECHOES’ IN THE SENSES THAT MAINTAIN THE ‘ILLNESS’ OF THE ‘S
PLIT-OFF’ OR THE ‘ACCEPTABLE’ SELF…THE ‘ACCEPTABLE SELF’ OF USEFULNESS TO THE ‘P
OWERS THAT BE’…

THUS THE ‘INNER MONSTER’ GROWS AS A ‘SHADOW’ OF THE REAL…MORE AND MORE IS ACCUMU
LATED AND STORED IN ORDER TO PRESENT THE IMAGE THAT WE DESIRE THE OTHERS TO SEE…
OUR TOOLS AND WEAPONS ARE AS VARIED AS THE EXCESSES WE ‘ACT OUT’ AND ‘DIGEST’…WE
BECOME OUR OWN ‘SPIDER WEB’ OF ‘TRAPPINGS’ AND DECEPTION…WE INDULGE IN ‘PACIFIE
RS’ AND WE ‘TRANCE OUT’ WITH THE SEDUCTIONS OF ‘TEMPORARY PAIN RELIEF’ IN DRUGS
AND DREAMINGS…

ONE MUST LET GO OF ‘FANTASY’ AND PRETEND BY REACHING FOR THE REAL IN ‘ENCOUNTERS
’ AS PRESENCE…IMAGINATION IS THE POWER OF THE MIND TO VISUALIZE THE POSSIBILITY
OF DESIRE AND MAY SPARK ONE TO SEEK OUT THE HEALING PATH OF THE HEART IN A TRUE
‘WILL OF CONNECTION’…IT IS THE ‘FACING OF FEAR’ THAT AFFORDS ONE A WAY TO DEVELO
P CONFIDENCE IN BECOMING…A WAY TO ‘SEE ONESELF IN A NEW WAY’…

DEEP WITHIN IT IS THE DRAMA OF BEAUTY AND THE BEAST …A JOURNEY TO GO BEYOND THE
‘FATHER’ AND RELEASE HER FROM THE ‘BLOCKS’ HE HAS CAUSED HER TO BUILD…SHE HOLDS
ON USING ‘BATES’ OF ‘MADNESS’ AS A ‘TEST OF WILL’ TO GET MORE AND MOVE PAST THE
WEBBINGS OF HER MOTHER AND SIMULTANEOUSLY SEEK TO EMULATE AND REPLICATE HER…

IT IS THE MALE ENERGY THAT SHE SEARCHES FOR …THE POWER SHE DESIRES YET THE POWER
THAT SHE MUST CONTROL…THE FANTASY DYNAMIC IS HER STANDARD AS SHE SEARCHES FOR R
ESOLVE IN ‘EXCEEDING’ IT IN ORDER TO JUSTIFY THE ‘SUFFERING’ AND HER LIFE OF PSY
CHE’ BETRAYAL…

SHE EXCEEDS THE WEBBING OF THE MOTHER IN ‘HOLDING OR CONTAINERING THE FATHER’ PR
OVIDING A ‘HOME’ OF THE ‘RANGE’…AN AGREED UPON ‘STABILITY’ AND COMMON PURPOSE TH
AT ENSURES THAT ONLY ‘ACCEPTABLE’ VALUES WILL BE ALLOWED…SHE ACCEPTS THE ‘UNSPOK
EN’ AND THE ‘UNSAID’ BECAUSE THE ‘INNER CONFLICT’ IS ALREADY TOO MUCH FOR HER TO
BEAR…

HER ‘INNER DAM’ OF THE ‘INNER UNREAL’ STARTS TO BREAK AS THE PRESENCE OF HEART C
OMPELS A STRONGER DISTRIBUTION OF REAL FEELINGS…IT IS A TIME OF GREAT CONFLICT A
S SHE BEGINS TO KNOW THAT HER REAL HEART’S DESIRE MAY BE MUCH DIFFERENT FROM THE
PRIZE SHE PURSUED FOR ALL THOSE YEARS…

‘OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD’…HER FRUSTRATION ECHOED

I HEARD HER ANGER AND SELF-HATE AND REALIZED THAT IT WAS STARTING TO BURN AWAY…S
HE WAS ENCOUNTERING THE INNER FIRES OF BECOMING HER OWN PERSON… SHE HAD TO LEARN
A GREAT COMPASSION OF ACCEPTANCE IN GETTING BEYOND HER BETRAYAL WAYS OF HISTORI
CAL ‘SPLITTING’ OR ‘ANAESTHETIZING’…

‘NOW STOP THAT CRYING…YOU KNOW THERE IS NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF’…

A STRONG BREEZE ALMOST KNOCKED ME OFF BALANCE…I HEARD THE ADMONITION AND FELT TH
E BREEZE…

I FELT THAT I WAS ‘MANEUVERING’ THROUGH THE ‘DEADNESS’ THAT WAS ALL AROUND AND T
HAT MY ‘POTENTIAL RELEASE’ OF A ‘PRIMAL SCREAM’ WOULD OCCUR WHEN I FELT SAFE…

EVERYONE HAS TO FIGHT THE DRAMA OF BECOMING REAL…THE PRIMAL FEAR REMAINS WITHHEL
D BECAUSE THE PRIMAL PAIN REMAINS…IT IS THE ECHO THAT ‘THEY DON’T LOVE ME FOR WH
O I REALLY AM’ …

WHAT MEANING DID I GATHER FROM HER STRUGGLE AND THE ECHOIC TIMBRE THAT I SENSED?

I REALIZED THAT THE REAL QUEST IS A LONG-TERM STRUGGLE THROUGH THE PAIN THAT SEN
T ME IN AND THE WAY OF THE CURRENT PAIN GUIDING MY PATH OUT…

I LEARNED THE IMPORTANCE OF ALTERING THE RHYTHMS OF MY ‘PSYCHE’ INERTIA…TO KNOW

COMPASSION FOR MYSELF IN EXPLORING THE ‘SPLIT’ OF ‘NECESSITY’ THAT OCCURRED…TO W
ALK PATIENTLY IN A NEW UNDERSTANDING TO GET PAST THE ‘BETRAYAL’ SENSES AND STILL
PROTECT MY CONTINUITY OF BEING…I REALIZE THAT MY ‘UNFULFILLED NEEDS’ SEEK SATIS
FACTION IN PSYCHOLOGICAL OR SYMBOLIC WAYS AND MAY BE MERELY ‘FALSE ECHOES’ OF AN
INSTINCTIVE NEUROSIS MANEUVER …THE ‘SEPARATION’ OF MY SENSATIONS TO SHUT OFF EX
CESSIVE PAIN…

I REALIZE THAT EVERYTHING MUST BE ‘REFELT’ IN NEW AND HEALTHY WAYS IF I WANT TO
‘ACTUALIZE’ MY REAL SELF…I ASK IF ‘THE WOUND REVEALS THE CURE’? I SEEK BETTER WA
YS OF MEETING AND EXPRESSING AS I GO INTO THE TRAUMAS AND WOUNDS TO BREATHE DEEP
 AND ACHIEVE A RELEASE IN A DANCE OF HEART SEEKING A PRESENCE OF REAL NEEDS AND
REAL CONNECTIONS…IT IS ‘PAIN’ GOING IN AND ‘PAIN’ GOING OUT…

I KNOW THAT THE SYMBOLIC SATISFACTION CANNOT FULFILL REAL NEEDS YET IT IS THE ST
ANDARD OF A CULTURE THAT SAYS ‘THEY DON’T LIKE ME AS I AM’…

I KNOW THAT I NEED THE PRESENCE OF ‘INTENT’ THAT THE ‘LOVED’ PARTNER IS COMING F
ORWARD TO MEET ME IN AN UNSUPPRESSED OR REPRESSED WAY OF BEING…SOUL AND HEART BE
YOND THE ‘MUFFLED’…BEYOND ‘LIP SERVICE’ AND ‘AUTHORITY MOUTHINGS’ AND ‘TRICKLE-D
OWN’ IDEAS FOR THE ‘ANAESTHETIZED’…

IT IS AN ENERGY ‘THING’…A RESONANCE RHYTHM OF ‘OVERCOMING’ THE ‘DENIALS’ AND SEL

F DECEPTIONS OF THE PAST…IT IS BREATHING AND BEING BEYOND THE SUPPRESSIONS AND R
EPRESSIONS OF THE PAST…

I KNOW THAT FEAR ACTIVATES THE WISH TO RETURN INTO THE SPACE OF THE MOTHER…A REC
OIL INTO THE STRUGGLE WITH THE ‘DEVOURING GUT’ OF CONTROL…A QUEST FOR THE SANCTU
ARY OF ‘BEING’ WHERE ONE IS PROTECTED AND PROVIDED FOR…

THE FEAR BECOMES ORDINARY AND INGRAINED AS A HYPERVIGILANCE MADNESS OF ALWAYS AN

TICIPATING A POTENTIAL THREAT…A SENSE THAT DANGER IS NEAR AND WILL DO ME HARM …I
T IS ‘AKIN’ TO THE THREAT OF BEING ALWAYS SUSCEPTIBLE TO THE ACTS OF A TERRORIST
…A CONSCIOUSNESS OF ‘IMMINENT VIOLATION’ AS HER BORDERS AND SPIRIT ARE IN DANGER
OF BEING PENETRATED…

TRANSFORMATION IS THE PATH OF CHANGE AS ONE MEDIATES A MIX OF EMOTIONAL VULNERAB

ILITY AND RECEPTIVITY WITH A GENERATIVITY OF THE AGGRESSIONS NEEDED TO ESTABLISH
ONESELF…IT IS WRESTLING WITH THE WOUNDS OF BEING ‘CRITICIZED’…BEING ‘NOT GOOD E
NOUGH’… THE AFFECTS OF THEIR ‘CHOOSING THE OTHER ONE’…A ‘REJECTION’ AND A ‘COLLE
CTION’… I REMEMBER FREUDS QUOTE…‘THE FATHER HAS BLOCKED THE DAUGHTER’S SEXUAL EN
ERGY BY RESERVING IT FOR HIMSELF’…

SHE HAS TO BREAK AWAY FROM THE ‘INNER UNREAL’ AND BE IN THE NEW ANGST OF MEETING
REAL MALE ENERGIES AND REAL FEELINGS THAT ARE BEYOND HER ‘CONTROLS’ WARDING OFF
THE ‘SCARY PAST’…

THERE IS SUBTLETY IN THE WAYS AS WHAT SEEMS SO NORMAL IS REALLY THE ‘MASKED’ OR
‘VEILED’…
AS NIETZSCHE SAID ‘EVERY PROFOUND SPIRIT NEEDS A MASK’…

IT IS KNOWING THE ‘FALSENESS’ IN DISCOVERING THE AWARENESS OF ‘VANITY AND VEILIN

GS’…IT IS THE WOUND DEEP WITHIN THE REPRODUCTIVE…THE VALUE OF ONE’S POTENCY OR P
ROGENY…AN IMBALANCE OR A BALANCE OF THE DISPLAY NECESSARY TO ESTABLISH ‘MANLINES
S’ OR ‘WOMANLINESS’ THAT SPEAKS TO THE WORLD…

I COULD HEAR HER BREATHING IN A LABORED MANNER…IT WAS HER ‘DISTORTION STRESS’ OF
WEARING ‘ARMOR’ WHILE STILL TRYING TO BE SENSITIVE AND OPEN… THE FEAR PLAYED OU
T AS A DRAMA OF ‘SWALLOW’ OR BE SWALLOWED’…THE HUNGERS AND THE ‘EMPTINESS’ ECHOE
D AS THE EXPRESSION OF DELMORE SCHWARTZ…

‘THE SCRIMMAGE OF APPETITE IS EVERYWHERE’…

DEEP WITHIN THERE IS A TERRIFYING ECHO OF AWARENESS REMEMBERING THAT AN ORDINARY

EVENT…MAYBE AN EXTRA-ORDINARY EVENT IS REALLY THE CRYSTALLIZATION EVENT WHEN TH
E ‘UNREAL SELF’ OVERCAME THE REAL…

THEREIN IS THE MOMENT OF THE ANCIENT ECHO…A KEYING TIME OF DISCERNING THE ‘PATHO
LOGY OF THE REAL… A RECONNECTION OF THE ‘FEELINGS’ WITH THE REAL…AN ACCESSING OF
THE REAL WILL AS A PATH OF THE HEART INTO THE PRESENT…A MOMENT WHEN ALL THE PAT
TERNS OF ‘YESTERDAZE’ AND THE ‘SCARY PAST’ DISSOLVE INTO A REALISM OF PRESENCE K
NOWING WHAT IS REAL AND WHAT IS THE BASIS OF A ‘SCARY PRESENT’…

THINGS TAKE TIME TO CRYSTALLIZE…THE CRISIS OF UNDOING THE ‘INNER UNREAL’ MIGHT T
AKE A LOT OF TIME ALTHOUGH IT MAY OCCUR IN A RELEASE IN A PRIMAL RESTORATION OF
THE REAL IN A ‘COLLISIONISM’ IN THE PRESENT…THE STRUCTURE MAY BE FROM A LONG TIM
E AGO AND BE ‘UNAVAILABLE FOR MEMORY’… ‘UNAVAILABLE FOR REAL FEELINGS’…UNTIL THE
RIGHT ENCOUNTER COMPELS A BENEFICIAL NEW GROWTH…A ‘SHEDDING’ AND A ‘TRANSFORMAT
ION’ OF ‘MOVING ON’…

SOMEWHERE SHE LEARNED THAT PEOPLE ONLY LOVED HER WHEN SHE WAS ILL OR INJURED…SHE
KNEW HOW TO FIND LOVE THROUGH SUFFERING…SHE LEARNED TO SERVE IN ORDER TO MEET T
HEIR NEEDS AND AVOID THE CONFLICTS SHE KNEW SHE WAS NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO WIN…
‘DON’T WORRY ABOUT ME…I WILL BE FINE’…

THE TRAUMAS AND LOSSES BECAME ‘TREASURED LOSS’ AS SHE LEARNED THE POWER OF THE W
OUND…IT IS LIKE THE ‘DOUBLE BIND’ OF HOLDING SOMEONE BY USING THEIR FEELINGS OF
COMPASSION AS A TOOL OF BONDING…

‘SHE NEEDS ME’… ‘I HAVE TO HELP HER’… ‘I HAVE TO GET HER THROUGH THIS DARK NIGHT
OF THE SOUL’…

IT IS A PLAY UPON SUSCEPTABILITY AND THE SPIRIT OF SERVICE…THERE ARE MANY PLACES
OF ‘FROZEN PAIN’ THAT ARE ‘CODED INTO THE TISSUES OF MY BODY’…AREAS THAT BECOME
‘MIGHT ANXIETY’ AS MY SENSE OF POWERLESSNESS IN NOT BEING ABLE TO CHALLENGE THE
REAL SOURCE OF THE DAMAGE COMPELS ME TO TRANSFER MY ACCUMULATIONS OF ‘TENSION’…
THE TENSIONS OF AN ‘UNREAL SYSTEM’ BUILT UPON THE DREAMS AND DESIRES OF TRYING T
O SATISFY ‘THEM’…THE DESIRES EXTERNALIZED IN TRYING TO BE WHAT ‘THEY WANT’…

I SOURCE THE UNREAL BY SIFTING THROUGH THE WEIGHTINESS OF MY DIET OF TOO MUCH ‘F
LOUR’ AND NOT ENOUGH ‘FLOWER’… I REACH FOR A HEALTHIER FILTRATION OF PHYSIOLOGY
BY SEARCHING FOR THE ESSENTIAL ELEMENTS OF ‘EROS COMPATABILITY’…I DEVELOP ‘CONFI
DENCE’ IN MY MOTIONS AND FLOWS AS I REFINE MY INTENTIONS AND ACTIONS…

I SEEK CONFIDENCE IN BREATHING AND ENCOUNTER THROUGH A PURPOSEFUL RHYTHM OF ‘WIN

-WIN’… A COMPLEX INTEGRATION OF MUTUAL RECIPROCITY AND DESIRE TO DEVELOP…A WAY O
F SPARKING AN ENHANCED SENSE OF SELF IN EXCHANGES WITH A VALUED OPPOSITE…

I KNOW THE PSYCHE POTENCY OF LOVE IN CALLING INTO BEING THE ‘ADRENALINES AND HOR
MONES’ OF THE REAL… I KNOW THAT LOVING IS MORE THAN THE RELEASE OF PAIN AND MORE
THAN A MERE VEHICLE OF ESCAPISM? I SEEK AUTHENTICITY OF EXCHANGE…A ‘PURITY’ OF
THE REAL…A ‘FEELING’ OF A ‘WILL TO CONNECT’ IN AN INTERSECTION OF HEART…AN ORBIT
OF SHARED TIME WHERE ‘ENHANCED SELF ESTEEM’ DRIVES THROUGH ALL ‘EMOTIONS’ IN A
PRESENCE OF ‘KNOWING’ THE COMPLEXITIES OF THE SENSES AND THE RELEASES OF INNER O
BSTACLES AND INHIBITIONS…

IT IS A TIME OF ‘SIMPLIFICATION’ AND ‘STREAMLINING’ EVEN AS THE ‘ANGERS’ AND ‘EX

CESS BAGGAGE’ OF THE OTHER IS SURFACING…IT IS A TIME OF ‘DANGEROUS PASSAGE’ AS S
HE MAY BE LOOKING FOR AN ‘OPPORTUNITY’ TO TARGET AND VENT…
I KNOW THAT I AM NOT THE REASON FOR THOSE YEARS OF LOSS OR THE BASIS OF THEIR ‘N
ON ACCOMPLISHMENT’…I KNOW THAT THERE IS A REAL NEED TO FIND THE ‘FLAW’ THAT WILL
ALLOW HER TO ERUPT IN AN AFFIRMATION BEYOND THE ‘IMPOSED CONTAINMENT’ OF HER ‘I
NNER UNREAL’ SYSTEM…

THINGS ARE IN ‘DISCHARGE’ AND ‘NEW CHARGE’ WHEN A TRANSITION OF IDENTITY IS OCCU
RRING…I KNOW THAT I MUST BE CONSCIOUS AND NOT ABSORB ANY VENGEANCE OR PROJECTION
…THE DISAPPOINTMENTS AND SUFFERINGS THAT GO BACK TO ‘HUMILIATIONS AND TRAUMAS’ O
F THE PAST…

IT IS ALWAYS A HAZARDOUS JOURNEY AS ‘SURFACINGS’ OCCUR AS A RESULT OF STRATEGIES

OF DESIRE AS WELL AS QUESTS OF ‘INSATIABLE CURIOSITY’…IT IS A DEEP REALITY OF A
PROBING CURIOSITY THAT WANTS TO KNOW AND FEEL YET GUARDS AGAINST THE ANGERS AND
ERUPTIONS OF ‘DREAMS,DELUSIONS AND THE ‘SPLITTING OFF’ WAYS’ OF DEFENSIVENESS…

SHE SURVIVES IN A CASTLE OF ARMORING…A SANCTUARY OF ‘CONTINUITY’…A ‘SHAME FORTRE

SS’ OF ACCUMULATING ‘POWER’ TO OVERCOME THE SENSES OF ‘LACK’ AND ‘NOT GOOD ENOUG
H’…A WAY WHERE ‘POWER DESTROYS LOVE’ IN ORDER TO BE STRONG ENOUGH TO SOMEHOW OVE
RCOME FEELINGS OF BEING ‘NOT GOOD ENOUGH’…

IT IS A CRISIS OF THE SOUL IN CONFRONTING THE FALSENESS OF THE REAL SELF ‘DOING
WHATEVER ONE HAS TO DO’ WHILE PERFORMING IN A DECEPTION OF LETTING THE OTHER ‘SE
E WHAT THEY WANT TO SEE’…IT IS A TIME OF ‘RISING ANGER’ AS THE REAL BEGINS TO OV
ERCOME THE FALSE…

THE EXCAVATION OF THE REAL SELF IS DERIVED IN THE SOURCING OF REAL DESIRE… IT IS
A REACHING FOR BEAUTY AS I SEEK TO OVERCOME THE RAGING HUNGERS OF THE BEAST OF
THE ‘UNREAL’…THE MONSTER THAT OCCUPIES THE EMOTIONS AND BODY FIBERS IN THE ‘INNE
R UNREAL’…THE INNER SHADOW SPACE THAT LIMITS AND BLINDS…

‘ARE YOU FUCKING HER’? I HEARD HER AGAIN…

THE ANGER AND RAGE OF WOUNDEDNESS AND BETRAYAL IS ALWAYS LOOKING FOR A TARGET FO
R RELEASE… WHAT IS ‘SHUT DOWN’ BECOMES THE CURRENCY OF CONNECTION … THE SOURCE O
F THE ‘CHANNELLING’ OF ‘PERFORMANCE’… SINCE ‘ONE IS NOT LOVED FOR WHO ONE IS’ AN
D ONE DOES WHATEVER IS NECESSARY…

‘PLEASE DON’T HURT ME’…SHE WHISPERED AND THEN SPOKE AGGRESSIVELY…

‘IF YOU EVER DO THAT YOU WILL NEVER SEE ME AGAIN’…

WHAT SOMEONE HAD TAKEN AWAY SHE WANTED TO TAKE AWAY…IT BECAME THE FORCE OF POWER
BEING GREATER THAN LOVE…SHE SOUGHT TO MAINTAIN HER ‘WALL’ OF PATTERNS AND HABIT
S…THE ‘HOUSE OF BRICKS’…THE ‘SHAME FORTRESSING’ OF DEFENSE THAT ENABLED HER TO ‘
CONTROL’ AND ‘LIMIT’ ANY FEELINGS THAT WOULD TAKE HER INTO AN UNKNOWN REALM OF ‘
SURPRISE’ AND ‘SPONTANEITY’…

I REMEMBERED A CONVERSATION… ‘YOU CANNOT REPAIR CONTROL’ AS IT BLENDED WITH A DE

SIRE TO ‘LET GO’ AND ‘SHED’ AS SHE STEPPED INTO HER FUTURE…

‘FEELING MORE’… ‘SENSING MORE’… ‘TRUING’ ONE’S BEING IN AN EVOLUTION OF SELF EXP
ANSION AND PRUNING…IT IS THE OPPORTUNITY OF THE CRISIS IN THE SPARKS OF ‘COLLISI
ONISM’ TO GO INTO THE ‘UNPREDICTABLE’ AND THE POSSIBLE ‘SPONTANEITY OF ‘FEELING
MORE’…A TIME OF ‘WHETHERING’ A STORM AS AN ‘OPPORTUNITY’ OF BEING PRESENT IN ONE
’S HEART AND GOING FORWARD EVEN IF THERE ARE MOMENTS OF BEING MORE LONELY OR ‘FE
ELING MORE’ EMPTINESS…IT IS THE REALIZATION OF A CAPACITY OF PRESENCE…THE INTENT
TO EXPERIENCE AND NOT ANAESTHETIZE…

THERE IS A ‘NEW REALITY’ AS ONE CANNOT GO HOME AGAIN…ONE MUST REACH FOR A DIGNIT
Y OF SELF AND KNOW THAT THE AGONY EXPERIENCED IS THE REAL FEELING OF GROWTH…THE
PAIN IS IN THE TENSIONS THAT ARISE WHEN THE SUFFERING IS CONSCIOUS AND RELIEF IS
SOUGHT…

IT IS ACTION AND CONNECTION OF HEART THAT FACILITATES A WAY OUT OF THE SOCIAL RI
TUALS, WEBBINGS, TRAPS AND OBLIGATIONS THAT ‘BOG US DOWN’ IN THE FIRST PLACE… AN
GER AND FRUSTRATION MAY BE DIRECTED INTO THE CREATIVE FIRE OF REBIRTHING THAT IS
BEYOND THE FANTASY AND ROMANCE OF SELF DECEPTION AND THE ACCEPTANCE OF ‘ILLUSIO
N’…

ARTUR JANOV IN THE PRIMAL SCREAM STATES THAT ‘TENSIONS OPERATE IN THE MIND AS IN
COHERENCE, CONFUSIONS, LACK OF MEMORY AND IN THE BODY AS TIGHT MUSCULATURE AND D
ISTORTIONS OF THE VISCERAL PROCESS’…

THUNDER RESONATED ALL AROUND…

‘HEY…I AM TALKING TO YOU… I AM WHAT YOU REALLY NEED…COME ON… WE CAN DO WHATEVER
YOU WANT’…SHE SPOKE VERY SEDUCTIVELY…

THE ECHO PLAYED OUT…THE ‘HUNGERS’ WERE ALL AROUND AND THE ‘DECEPTIONS’ AND ‘ILLU
SIONS’ WERE THE ‘GAME’ RATHER THAN A ‘SINCERE REALISM’ OF ‘MUTUAL RECIPROCITY’…T
HE MUTUALITY OF LOVE BALANCED IN HEALTHY INTENTION AND GOOD WILL..

I FELT HER SHIFTS AND STRATEGIES TO GET WHAT I COULD GIVE…HER RESONANCE SUGGESTE
D ‘SOLUTION’ YET I KNEW THAT I WAS ‘FEELING MORE’ AND NEEDED MORE IN ORDER TO ‘M
EET’ ON A NEW PLANE OF ‘FULLNESS’ OF SELF…I NEEDED A DEEPER AND BROADER CAPACITY
OF CREATIVE AND REPRODUCTIVE EXPANSION…

I NEEDED MORE ENERGY TO FUEL MY EROS OR ‘LIFE FORCE’ CONVULSIVENESS AS I CONTINU

ED TO ‘BUILD CONFIDENCE’ IN ‘DOING’ AND ‘SAYING’ AS I AM…ACHIEVING A NEW PERSONA
L GRAVITY OF PSYCHE’ ‘HOMEOSTASIS’… THE INERTIA OF AN INTERNAL DEMAND TO BALANCE
AND BE IN A ‘CERTAIN STATE’…

A BOLT OF LIGHTNING STRIKES NEARBY…THERE IS A GREAT ELECTRICAL CRASHING SOUND… S

HAKING ME IN MY CORE…

ONCE AGAIN I SENSE MY REAL CIRCUMSTANCES…I BECOME AWARE THAT I AM IN THE ATTIC A
ND THAT I SHOULD FEEL SAFE YET THE FEAR THAT IS WITHIN SURGES THROUGH MY BEING …
IT IS ‘IRRATIONAL’ AND ‘UNGROUNDED’ AS ‘SHADOWY IMAGES’ OF THREATENING SHAPES MO
VE ACROSS THE WALLS…

IT IS A FIGHT WITHIN AS I FEEL ‘THERE YET NOT THERE’ … THE CONFLICT OF THE WISH
AND THE RESISTANCE TO THE WISH…IT IS IN A CONSTANCY OF ‘BECOMING’ AS I HEAR THE
ECHOES OF MY WISHES AND WOUNDS IN ‘FILTERED WINDS’…SOUNDS OF SIRENS OF FALSENESS
AND LOSSES…
‘WAIT, DON’T GO. STOP.COME BACK’…SHE SCREAMS IN THE DARKNESS…

EVERTHING IS KINETIC AS I KEEP SHIFTING AND REBALANCING… I KNEW THAT I HAD TO AD

JUST MY FOCUS… I HAD TO BECOME MORE DISCIPLINED…I KNEW THAT I HAD TO GET BEYOND
THE WOUNDS OF LONELINESS THAT DEFINED MY LIFE…A ‘LONELINESS RESONANCE’ OF ‘MISSE
D OPPORTUNITY’ SEEING THE GEARS OF THE GIANT DEATH CLOCK TICKING RELENTLESSLY…LI
KE A SWORD OF DAMOCLES THREATENING MY ‘POTENTIAL OF BECOMING’ AS MEMORY STREAMS
OF MY ‘INNER NECESSITY’ COLLIDE WITH MY ‘WISHES’…

I MOVE WITH ‘PURPOSEFUL DETERMINATION’ IN WORKING THROUGH THE ‘PSYCHE’ OBSTACLES

OF ‘ECHO’ PIERCINGS AND ‘NARCISSUS’ REFLECTIONS…I LEARN TO ACCEPT THE ‘EMPTINES
S’ AND THE ‘LONELINESS’…

I KNOW THE ORIGINAL DANGERS NO LONGER EXIST…GRADUALLY I FIND MYSELF OVERCOMING T

HE REACTIVITY ENMESHED IN MY MUSCLES AND FIBERS…THE ‘HYPERVIGILANCE’ THAT PERMEA
TES MY BEING…THE CONSEQUENCES OF DEEP ROOTED FEAR THAT ‘POISONS’ MAKING ME TRY T
O BE ‘IMITATIVE’ IN ‘ATTITUDES’ AND VALUES IN ORDER TO FEEL SAFE…

IN TIME I KNOW THAT BEING A ‘FOLLOWER’ ONLY GETS YOU SO FAR…EVEN IF ONE FOLLOWS
IN THE FOOTSTEPS OF THE SUCCESSFUL THERE IS A GREAT PRICE…A GREAT COST…

ONE MUST FOCUS WITH A ‘CLARITY’ OF PRESENCE TO OVERCOME THE ‘FALSE ECHOES’ OF TH
E ‘ORDINARY’…THE ECHOES THAT BLIND ONE TO THE RESONANCE OF BEING REAL…THE RESONA
NCE OF ‘LEVERAGING’ IN WHICH ONE GETS AROUND IN THE WORLD …THE RESONANCE OF THE
‘INNER UNREAL’ THAT IS DERIVED FROM THE ‘MARSHALLED ENERGIES OF A ‘NEUROSIS’ WAY
OF ‘ESTABLISHING’ ONESELF…

IT IS A SURPRISE, THEREFORE, WHEN THE ‘UNREAL SELF’ HAVING ABSORBED THE VALUES O
F THE ‘FALSE’ [SOCIETY, PARENTS, AUTHORITY, ETC.] SOMEHOW GIVES WAY TO THE UPHEA
VAL OF THE NEED FOR THE REAL…IT IS THE MOMENT OF A BIRTHING OF THE REAL…A TIME O
F REAL POWER…

IT IS THE BIRTH OF THE ‘REBEL’ SEEKING THE TRUTH OF THE HEART IN GOING FORWARD P
AST THE ‘HARD WIRING’ OF ‘IMPOSITIONS’ AND ‘AMPLIFIED USEFULNESS’…IT IS THE STRE
NGTH OF THE REBEL IN OVERCOMING A SHAME BASED ‘VANITY INERTIA’…IT IS THE WILL OF
THE REBEL ASSERTING ONE’S TRUTH OF BEING IN OVERCOMING THE ‘DISTORTION STRESS’
THAT PROPS UP THE ‘ARTIFICIAL’ OR AN ‘IDEALIZED SENSE OF SELF’…THE ‘INNER UNREAL
’ THAT MAKES ‘DEALS’ TO GET THROUGH THE DAY…EVERYDAY…
‘IT’S NOT YOUR NIGHT KID…TAKE A FALL’…BECOMES THE LOSS OF POTENCY OF THE REAL AS
MARLON BRANDO IN ‘ON THE WATERFRONT’ KNOWS ‘I COULDA BEEN A CONTENDER’… I COULD
A BEEN SOMEBODY’…IT IS THE ONGOING ‘COOPTATION’ OF ‘TALKING HEADS’ AND ‘APOLOGIS
TS’ FOR THE INERTIA OF ‘BUILDING PYRAMIDS’…

IT IS THE FORCE OF EROS…THE ‘WILL TO LIFE’ THAT CHALLENGES ONE TO ‘BREAK AWAY’ A
ND ‘BREAKOUT’ OF THE HABITS OF ‘GOING ALONG TO GET ALONG’…IT IS A ‘LETTING GO’ I
N THE ‘FIBROUS DARKNESS’ REACHING FOR ‘INTIMACY’ IN THE UNKNOWN…IN THE ‘GULPS OF
VULNERABILITY’…IN THE GRASPING AND STRETCHING FOR A NEW SENSE OF THE SELF…A NEW
ASSERTION OF HEART…

‘I’LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT’…

A ‘DADDY TERROR TIME’ RESONATES…I KNOW I HAVE TO GO FORWARD AND NOT RECOIL…THERE
IS NO HIDING PLACE FOR THE REAL SELF…I WRESTLE WITH MY STORAGE SPACES OF VALUED
AND ‘TREASURED LOSS’…I KNOW THAT THESE ‘TREASURED LOSSES’ ARE PART OF ME YET I
KNOW THEIR INFLUENCE MUST BE MINIMIZED SO THAT I WILL BE ABLE TO BE PRESENT AND
NOT LIMITED BY THE INHIBITORY AFFECTS OF THEIR REACTIVATION OR ‘RECURRENCE’…

MY NECESSITY OF CIRCUMSTANCES CHANGES… I CONSTRUCT A ‘RECONSTITUTION’ OF THE EXP

ERIENCE…A ‘REARRANGEMENT’ IN ACCORDANCE WITH ‘FRESH CIRCUMSTANCES’…I LET GO OF T
HE ‘IMMORTALITY’ OF THE ‘WISHES AND WOUNDS OF CHILHOOD’…I CREATIVELY ALCHEMIZE T
HE BIO-CHEMISTRIES INTO A HEALTHY MIX OF NEW FUELS FOR THE JOURNEY AHEAD…A RELEA
SE TOWARDS HEALTHY WISHES…

ANOTHER BOLT OF LIGHTNING PARTIALLY ILLUMINATES THE WALLS…I SEE SHADOWS IN THE D
OORWAY OF THE ATTIC…GHOSTLY FIGURES IN THE ‘THRESHOLD’ SPACE…

CONTRADICTORY FEELINGS SURFACE… ANXIETY AND DEEP INNER TENSIONS TIGHTEN IN MY ST

OMACH…I REMEMBER THE ‘DOUBLE BIND’ OF MISTRUST…I REMEMBER BEING ‘TRICKED’… ‘DECE
IVED’… ‘FOOLED’ TOO MANY TIMES…

‘I’M NOT GOING TO HURT YOU’…

FEAR AND THE NEED FOR CONTACT PERMEATES MY BEING…I WANT TO BE TREATED WITH KINDN
ESS…I WANT TO BELIEVE…YET I HEAR MIXED MESSAGES…I ALWAYS HEAR MIXED MEANINGS…THE
RE IS ALWAYS A ‘HIDDEN AGENDA’ AND THE EXPECTATION THAT THE ‘OTHER SHOE’ IS ABOU
T TO DROP…

I EXPECT TO BE ‘BLINDSIDED’ AND ‘HIT’ WHEN I LEAST EXPECT IT…THERE IS NO SAFETY…

I JUST ANTICIPATE SOME FORM OF CRITICISM OR PUNISHMENT’…MAYBE I EVEN CAUSE THE C
IRCUMSTANCE LEADING TO THE ATTACK…THERE IS AN ANGER IN ALL OF THIS AS I KNOW THA
T MY BEHAVIORS SEEK TO PRECLUDE ‘CRITICISM’ EVEN AS I ASSERT AND ‘REBEL’ DETERMI
NED TO FUNCTION BEYOND THE ROUTINES OF WHAT IS ‘SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE’…

I SENSE THAT THERE IS MORE GOING ON THAN ‘MEETS THE EYE’… THAT ‘NOTHING IS AS IT
APPEARS TO BE’…THERE ARE NUMEROUS DISTRACTIONS AND MISDIRECTIONS AS THE ‘FALSE
ECHOES’ AND ‘FALSE IMAGES’ COMPEL RESPONSES…I ALWAYS ASSUME THAT ‘THE OTHER’ MAY
BE IN A ‘MEDIUM’ MODE…IT TAKES A ‘GETTING USED TO’ IN ORDER TO ‘TRUST’ THAT ‘TH
E OTHER’ IS REALLY PRESENT WITH ME…

THE LIGHT IN THE ATTIC CHANGES…THE SHADOWS SEEM TO EVAPORATE AS DARKNESS BECOMES
ALL THAT I AM ABLE TO SEE…THE ROOM DISAPPEARS AND THEN REAPPEARS AS NEW FLASHES
OF LIGHTNING ILLUMINATE THE SPACE…

EVERYTHING BECOMES A STRUGGLE OF PRAGMATISM… EVERYTHING BECOMES ‘WHAT CAN I LIVE

WITH…WHAT CAN I GET AWAY WITH’…A PRACTICAL SURVIVAL MODE OF REACHING FOR ‘INSTI
NCTS’ AND ‘INTUITION’ AS I TRY TO DEVELOP THE BEST ‘FILTERS’…I EXPERIENCE A LOT
OF FRUSTRATION…MY FEARS SEEM REAL AS I SENSE THE POTENTIAL THREAT OF ANNIHILATIO
N FROM AN AMPLIFICATION OF MY ACTIONS…

IT IS ALWAYS THE TIME OF CRISIS, RISK AND OPPORTUNITY AS I CALL UP MY COURAGE AN

D FORTITUDE TO GO FORWARD…I JOKINGLY RECALL THE SIGN IN THE WIZARD OF OZ FOREST…
‘I’D TURN BACK IF I WERE YOU’…

I HEAR MYSELF WHISPERING OUT LOUD…‘I NEED A REAL FEELING OF HEART’… ‘I NEED A FE
ELING OF COMPLETION AND ‘WHOLISM’?…IT ALL SEEMS TO BE A ‘CLARITY’ OF VISION AND
INTENT…EASY YET A CHALLENGE TO GO FORWARD INTO A REAL UNKNOWN…

‘SO, THERE YOU HAVE IT’…THE ANSWERS ARE THE BELIEF AND THE ‘WAY’ OF SOME FORM OF
CERTAINTY… ‘SO THERE YOU HAVE IT’ LIKE THE PRONOUNCEMENT OF THE KING IN ‘AMADEU
S’ WHO CERTIFIES THE ‘COMPLETION’ IN A ‘PAT PHRASE’…THERE IS ‘NOTHING ELSE’ TO S
AY…

‘SO, THERE YOU HAVE IT’ NEVER RINGS TRUE AS A SENSE OF ‘COLLISIONISM’ ALWAYS COM
PELS A NEW WAY…A ‘GOOD NIGHTS SLEEP’ OR ‘WE WILL TALK ABOUT IT IN THE MORNING’…
‘IT’, JUST LIKE ‘THINGS’, HAS TO RUN ITS’ COURSE…

ANOTHER FLASH LIGHTS UP THE EMPTINESS…SHADOWS SEEM TO MOVE ACROSS THE WALLS LIKE
GHOSTS OF ‘OLD FRIENDS’…EACH FLEETING IMAGE SEEMS RECOGNIZABLE YET CHANGES AS S
OON AS I TRY TO IDENTIFY IT AND DEFINE IT…EACH TIME I TRY TO FOCUS IT SEEMS TO A
LTER…I AM TRYING TO DEFINE MY FEARS AS THE GHOSTLINESS MOVES ACROSS THE WALLS…

THE SHADOWS ARE LIKE THE FLUIDITY OF MERCURY CONSTANTLY ‘ALCHEMIZING’…A LIQUIDIT
Y FLOWING INTO IMAGERY AS I MOVE THROUGH ENCOUNTERS OF MEMORY … ‘AH, THAT MUST M
EAN’… ‘AH, THAT MUST BE’… ‘AH, THIS IS A SYMBOL OF’…

IT IS LIKE PAINTING IN ‘ABSTRACTIONS’ AS THE ENCOUNTERS AND RANDOMNESS OF BRUSHS

TROKES AND TEXTURES GENERATE ASSOCIATIONS OF ‘MEANING’ IN THE PERCEPTION AND PRO
JECTION OF ‘WHAT MATTERS’…THE SHADOWS COME AND GO AND LOSE THEIR VALUE AS NEW CO
NNECTIONS SUGGEST NEW ‘EXPLANATIONS’…IT IS THE ANGUISH AND THE ANXIETY OF ‘INSIG
HT’ WISHING FOR A DEFINITION WHILE ABSORBING THE CHAOS OF THE RELEASE OF THE ‘IR
RATIONAL’…

EACH ATTEMPT TO MAKE IT RATIONAL IS OVERWHELMED BY THE SHIFTS IN THE LIGHT AND T
HE SHADOWS…I TRY TO FIND STRENGTH IN THE PROCESS ALTHOUGH I AM NOT SURE OF ANY R
ESULT OTHER THAN THE FACT THAT I AM TRYING TO ‘WHETHER’ ANOTHER ‘STORM’…

THUNDER SHAKES THE BUILDING…THERE IS TOTAL DARKNESS…I FEEL ‘FEAR’ IN MY NERVES A

ND BREATHING…I FEEL TIGHTNESS AND RIGIDITY IN MY CHAKRAS AND FIBERS…I KNOW I HAV
E TO KEEP MOVING FORWARD BY GETTING OUT OF THE ROLES AND ROUTINES OF THE SOCIAL
AND THE ACCEPTABLE…I DO NOT WANT TO MAKE THINGS WORSE BY ANAESTHETIZING AND ESCA
PING…I JUST WANT TO MEET ON A NEW PLANE OF HEALTHY ENCOUNTER AND URGENCY…

A GREAT CHILL MOVES THROUGH MY HEART…I FEEL ALL ALONE…DEEP DOWN I AM SEEKING TO
RELEASE THE HEART CRINGES OF MY EMOTIONAL IMBALANCES…THERE IS A FEELING OF BEING
VIOLATED AND I AM ‘RACING’ IN COMPENSATORY WAYS…THERE ARE PERCOLATIONS OF EXCES
SIVE HUNGERS AND THE CONFUSIONS OF DESIRE THAT PRESSURE FOR ‘IMMEDIATE GRATIFICA
TION’ …I WANT ‘PACIFIERS’ TO RESOLVE THE CONTRADICTIONS OF LOVE AND MY NEEDS FOR
NEW GROWTH OPPORTUNITIES…
I KNOW THAT SOME OF MY WAYS ARE LIKE THE IMMATURE IMPULSES OF ‘ARRESTED DEVELOPM
ENT’ THAT SEARCH FOR SUBSTANCE IN THE ESCAPES OF DRINKS AND DRUGS… THE PERSONAL
ERRORS OR MISTAKES OF TRANSFERRING ONE FORM OF ILLNESS CONSUMPTION FOR ANOTHER…

I HEAR MYSELF MUTTERING…‘TWO WRONGS DO NOT MAKE A RIGHT’…THE PACIFIER WEAPONS OF

EMPIRE BOTH LEGAL AND ILLEGAL ONLY TEMPORARILY REMOVE THE HARSHNESS OF THE INJU
STICE AND SPEED OF THE REAL WORLD…

I REMEMBER AN OLD IRISH PROVERB… ‘IS AR SCA’TH A CHE’ILE A MHAIREANN NA DAOINE’…

PEOPLE LIVE IN ONE ANOTHER’S SHADOW…AND ‘GAN SCATH’…ONE WHO IS WITHOUT SHADOW…ON
E WHO IS FEARLESS…

I
THERE ARE CONSTANT ‘ADAPTATION PRESSURES’… IT IS THE TYRANNY OF ‘DEFERENCE’… TO
‘GO ALONG TO GET ALONG’…THERE IS BETRAYAL OF ‘REAL NEEDS’ IN THE NECESSITY OF DO
ING WHATEVER ONE HAS TO DO TO GET ‘THROUGH IT’…I SEE BY LIVING IN ‘HIS PLACE’ OR
‘HER PLACE’…I WALK IN THE SHOES OF THE OTHERS…I AM SQUEEZED IN A COMPRESSION OF
DEMANDS AND EXPECTATIONS… SOMEWHERE WITHIN THERE IS A TRUTH OF IDENTITY SEEKING
TO REACH THE SURFACE…A FORCE OF ‘WILL’ SEARCHING FOR ITS’ OWN BREATHING SPACE…T
HE REAL OVERCOMING THE INNER ‘UNREAL’…

THE STRUGGLE…EXCESS BAGGAGE…GETTING RID OF THE HABITS AND WAYS OF FORTRESSING…RE

VISITING WHAT GETS ‘WALLED IN AND WALLED OUT’…FACING THE SHORTNESS OF BREATH THA
T MAINTAINS THE DREAM OR THE IMAGE OF THE SELF…IT IS SELF ACCEPTANCE LETTING THE
SHADOWS ‘ACTIVATE’ IN DEMANDING NEW BALANCES…IT IS THE COMMITMENT TO OVERCOME T
HE LIMITS OF OXYGEN DISTRIBUTION HABITS AND EMOTIONAL PATTERNS OF CONTROL…

THERE ARE MOSTLY ‘FALSE ECHOES’. I CONCENTRATE MORE AND TRY TO LISTEN WITH A GRE
ATER SENSITIVITY AND I BECOME INCREASINGLY FRUSTRATED AS THE SOUNDS OF THE MUFFL
ED AND SUPPRESSED SEEM TO BE THE NORM RATHER THAN THE TRUTH OF PRESENCE. THERE A
RE ‘FALSE ECHOES’ IN THE IMAGES AND SOUNDS OF THE ECONOMIC AND THE COMPLIANCES O
F THE PSYCHOLOGICAL AND SOCIAL…THE COSMETIC AND THE LATEST FASHIONS OF HEMS AND
HERDS…THE ‘GLIB’ AND THE ‘MASKINGS’ OF BUZZ WORDS THAT ESTABLISH ‘COMMONALITY’ W
ITHOUT REALLY DEMANDING ANY BASIS FOR A REAL CONNECTION AND EXPRESSION…

THE SYSTEM TENDS TOWARD THE QUEST FOR ‘LOVE’S POWER’ RATHER THAN THE ESSENCES OF
LOVE…THE SYSTEM FACILITATES CONTROL AND THWARTING OF REAL CONNECTION AS IT REWA
RDS ‘GETTING OFF’ INSTEAD OF INTIMACY…THE SYSTEM REWARDS MANEUVERS AND MANIPULAT
IONS RATHER THAN GROOMINGS AND SUSTENANCE…THE PASSIONATE SEARCH FOR TOTALITY AND
INTENSITY MORE THAN THE WILL OF CONNECTION AND PRESENCE…

TRUTH OF ENCOUNTER DEMANDS A WILLINGNESS TO KNOW THE LONELINESS OF THE REAL…THE

ACCEPTANCE AND AFFIRMATION OF THE SELF IN SOLITUDE THAT IS BEYOND ‘CONTROL’ OR ‘
FORTRESSING’…THE KNOWLEDGE OF THE REAL SELF IS IN THE GRASP OF ACCEPTING THE ‘MO
RE IRRATIONAL’ DEEP WITHIN… A GREATER PRESENCE OF SELF…A STRETCHED CAPACITY OF A
VAILABLE ENERGIES… BEING IN ‘MORE INNER CHAOS’ LIKE NIETZSCHE’S IDEA OF HAVING ‘
CHAOS WITHIN IN ORDER TO GIVE BIRTH TO A DANCING STAR’…

THERE IS ‘WHETHER’…A ‘WEATHER’ WITHIN MY BEING… CLIMATE CHANGES OF HEAT AND MOIS
TURE…COLD FEARS AND CHILLING NIGHTMARES… DEALING WITH THE OPERAS AND DRAMAS OF F
ANTASY…WAYS OF SEEING ONESELF IN GRANDIOSE OR NARCISSISTIC WAYS… IDEALIZATION AN
D DREAMING WAYS WITHOUT THE DISCIPLINE OF SEEKING TRUTH OF PRESENCE AND A ‘WILL
TO CONNECT’…COPING IN THE COUNTLESS WAYS OF ADAPTATION AND PACIFIER CONSUMPTION…

IT IS THE TRUTH OF ‘WILL’ THAT ONE KNOWS CHOICE THAT IS BEYOND THE ‘IMMATURITY’
OF DEFIANT WILLFULNESS AND ‘ACTING OUT’ SELF DESTRUCTIVENESS…IT IS THE ESSENCES
OF ‘PEOPLE ONLY LEARN WHAT THEY DISCOVER FOR THEMSELVES’…

FOR ME IT IS LIKE AN EXPERIENCE OF A DREAM WHERE I AM CARRYING THE FOOTBALL AND

MANEUVERING IN ORDER TO AVOID BEING TAKEN DOWN AS I RUN TOWARD THE LIGHT…MY ‘BRO
KEN FIELD’ RUNNING IS A CHALLENGE DEMANDING NEW BREATHING AND A QUICKNESS OF COM
PLEX BALANCES… I TRY TO KEEP THE GOAL POSTS IN SIGHT AS I ELUDE THE THREAT OF ‘D
EPENDENCY’ AND ‘EMOTIONAL ANAESTHESIA’ WHICH TRIES TO TAKE ME DOWN… I KEEP HUSTL
ING TO KEEP FROM BEING TACKLED BY THESE ‘SHADOWS’…

I THINK ABOUT BEING SCARED OF MY OWN SHADOW AND I LAUGH…I REALIZE THAT FACING ON
E’S OWN ‘IMPRINTS’ AND ‘DENIALS’ IS THE TRUTH OF THE ‘GAME’ WHERE ‘WINNING’ IS ‘
OWNING’ YOUR OWN SOUL…

I FEEL TOO MANY ‘ECHOES’ OF BEING ‘BLINDSIDED’… TOO MANY TIMES WHEN ‘I DID NOT S
EE IT COMING’…THE VIVIDNESS OF MY IMAGINATION ‘WORKS AGAINST’ ME…THE PROJECTIONS
OF ‘BULLIES’ AND ‘GIANTS’ PERMEATES ME AS I FEEL ENMESHED IN THE ‘SLEEPING CROW
DS’ WHERE TOO MANY ARE ‘LOST IN DREAMS’ AND ‘BURIED’ IN DEBTS TRYING TO KEEP PAC
E WITH THE MADNESS OF THE IMBALANCES…

I KNOW HOW ‘KEEPING IT DENIED’ DISCONNECTS IT FROM THE REAL…THE BLOCKED UP ‘TORS
O OF RAGE’ SERVES AS A SUCKING ‘TRUNCATION’ OF DESPAIR LOOKING TO AN AUTHORITY ‘
DADDY’ FOR THE SEEDS OF THE PATHING…IT IS VIOLENCE IN A MODE OF RECEPTIVITY AND
DIGESTION … ONE SEARCHES FOR COMPENSATORY SUSTENANCE TO OVERCOME THE TOXICITY OF
ALL KINDS OF ‘EMOTIONAL NARCOTICS’ …

I MUSE TO MYSELF…THE ‘BLINDSPOT IS THE HEART OF THE DREAM’… ‘ALL IS CLOUDED BY D

ESIRE’…THE CONSEQUENCES OF NOT BEING ‘VIGILANT’ ENOUGH… EXPERIENCING MEMORIES OF
NOT BEING ‘ALERT’… MY GRASP OF THE FORCES OF THE DYNAMIC IS UNABLE TO COMPREHEN
D THE STRENGTH OF MY OWN ‘WILL’ YET TEMPER MY ‘ACTIONS’ ASSESSING THE CONSEQUENC
ES THAT ARE BEYOND MY UNDERSTANDING AND MY CONTROL…

IT IS A BATTLEGROUND OF FIGHTING FOR THE DIGNITY OF ‘INDEPENDENCE’ AS I TRY TO S

TAY OUT OF THE TAR PITS AND SAND TRAPS WHERE ‘STRUGGLING’ ONLY MAKES ME FEEL MOR
E ‘WEBBED’ OR MORE ‘BOGGED DOWN’…I KNOW THAT ‘REAL LIFE IS MESSY’ YET I CONSTANT
LY SEEK TO CLARIFY AND SIMPLIFY…TRYING TO BE ACTIVE EVEN AS I REALIZE THAT ‘UNDE
RSTANDING PRECLUDES ACTION’…

I FEEL A CONSTANT SENSE OF BEING IN ‘RECURRENCE’…A FEELING OF BEING IN DRAMAS OF

‘ACTING OUT OR ACTING IN’… ‘BEING TRAPPED’ IN MY OWN DREAMS AND WISHES…BEING ‘C
AUGHT UP’ IN THE ‘DOUBLE-BIND’ OF BEING A ‘W’…A ‘DOUBLE YOU’…BEING LIMITED IN TH
E SAFETY METHODOLOGY THAT IS THE ‘DOUBLE YOU’ WAY OF CONNECTING TO THE OTHER…THE
AWARENESS OF KNOWING THE DUALITY OF ONESELF AND THE ESSENCE OF A ‘BAOKA’ COMPLE
XITY OF THE OTHERS…

‘BAOKA’ BEING THE HARMONY OF THE SOUL IN A DUALITY OF ENERGIES…A ‘YIN-YANG ‘ RAN
GING OF MOTIONS OF ENCOUNTER…SELF KNOWLEDGE…THE TRUTH OF BEING IN THE SWINGS OF
RECEPTIVITY AND GENERATIVITY…I SEE MY ‘RANGE’ ROVERING IN A ‘DOUBLE EDGED’ WAY…
THE COMPLEXITY OF UNDERSTANDING THE CONTRADICTIONS OF EROS IN DEEP YIN AND DEEP
YANG…AS TENNESSEE WILLIAMS SAID ‘I COVER THE WATERFRONT’…

I GRASP THE POWER OF MY ‘MIRROR NEURONS’ AS I KNOW HOW MUCH WE ENCOUNTER THE STA
TES OF MIND OF THE OTHER[S] BY FEELING THE MOTIONS AND FLOWS OF THEIR INTENTIONS
…

LIBERATION AND PERSONAL GROWTH DEMANDS A LETTING GO OF EMULATION AND ‘WAITING AN

D WATCHING’…

ONE MUST STEP BEYOND THE SELF ABSORPTION OF THE ‘AUTO-EROTIC’ IN ORDER TO FIND A
PERSON OF THE ‘OPPOSITE SEX’…IT IS MOVING BEYOND THE RHYTHMS AND EMULATIONS OF
THE TIMES AND ONE’S HEREDITY…

IT IS AN EVOLUTION OF BECOMING…

IT IS ‘INDIVIDUATION’ PAST THE THE INDULGENCES OF ‘MEISM’…IT IS THE ASSERTION OF

BECOMING A ‘HEART -BASED’ BEING BALANCED AND CENTERED IN A CONFIDENCE OF KNOWIN
G ENOUGH TO BE POWERFUL ENOUGH TO FEEL WORTH ENOUGH TO LIVE ENOUGH IN ORDER TO S
TAND UP ENOUGH TO THE SHADOWS ON THE WALLS AND IN THE STREETS…

IT IS THE ‘COLLISIONISM’ OF THE NIGHT WHERE WEBS OF THE SPIDERWOMAN MESH WITH TH
E DESIRES OF TRANSCENDENCE…SOMEHOW I WILL OVERCOME THE LIMITS OF THE ‘IMPRINTS’
THAT DEFINE EVERY BREATH AND PATTERN…

THE WORDS BECOME THE MEDIUM OF ALTERED RHYTHMS AND GIVE ME THE STRENGTH TO KEEP
GOING MOST OF THE TIME…HOWEVER THERE ARE MOMENTS AND PASSAGES WHEN ‘I CAN’T FIND
THE WORDS’ TO DESCRIBE AND UNDERSTAND THE FORCES THAT ARE BEYOND MY CONTROL… ‘F
ORCES THAT OCCUPY MY SOUL’ IN MOMENTS OF FRIGHT AND SADNESS, TERROR AND THE SHAD
OWS OF DARKNESS…

‘IT IS THE FEAR IN THE ATTIC’ FEELING OF BEING ‘ALONE’ IN SEEING THE ‘HORROR’ DE
SCRIBED IN THE GREAT BOOK ‘THE HEART OF DARKNESS’…I FEEL THE POWERLESSNESS OF SE
EING THE ONGOING GIANT WARS THAT CONSUME THE LIFE FORCE OF THE ORDINARY…THE FORC
ES THAT SHOW ME THAT ‘JUST IS, IS NOT, JUSTICE’…

THE SHADOWS ON THE ATTIC WALLS BECOME VISUAL SOUL ECHOES THAT DEMAND A RESPONSE
…I ENCOUNTER MY OWN FEELINGS TO DECIDE TO BE IN ‘FIGHT OR FLIGHT’…MY EMOTIONAL S
TATES OF RECEPTIVITY AND DREAMS MUST BE FACED LIKE THE ‘FEAR FANTASY’ COMPETITIO
N PERFORMANCES IN THE MEDIA… BEING IN THE ATTIC IS LIKE BEING IN THE ‘EMPTY STAN
DS’ WHERE NO AUDIENCE OBSERVES ONE’S CHOICES TO TRANSFORM OUT OF AN INERTIA OF D
REAMS…

THE COMPRESSION OF THE CULTURE DEMANDS ‘BUY THIS AND BECOME THIS’ AND I KNOW HOW
MUCH IMITATION OF THE ADVERTISED AND THE PORTRAYED SEEMS TO PROVIDE THE TEMPORA
RY ‘LEVERAGE’ TO ACHIEVE A NEW ‘PECKING ORDER’ RESONANCE. THE STRUGGLE OF LEVERA
GING AND ACCUMULATING MUST RUN IT’S COURSE UNTIL ONE FEELS THE ‘LACK OF AUTHENTI
CITY’ IN ONE’S WAYS…
I IMITATE THE IMAGES AND PERFORM IN THE WAYS OF DREAMS TO FILL IN WHAT IS MISSIN
G…IN THE PAST I ‘BOUGHT TIME’ AS I SIMULTANEOUSLY LEARNED TO HEAL AND REPAIR THE
WOUNDS AND THE FEELINGS OF ‘INFERIORITY’…SO MUCH WAS INVESTED IN MY DRIVES TO A
CHIEVE POWER…MY DETERMINATION TO GET CONTROL…

‘YOU CAN TELL ME IF YOU ‘FUCKED HER’…I JUST WANT TO KNOW’…

A PIVOT OF CONSCIOUSNESS…HOMEWORK SEARCHING FOR THE MEDIATION OF NOT LOSING WHAT

ONE NEEDS EVEN AS ONE STRETCHES FOR WHAT ONE MUST DO…THE ‘TREASURED LOSS’…THE L
ONELINESS OF LETTING GO…THE ERUPTIVENESS OF THE ‘BETRAYAL’ EVEN IN THE ‘UNSAID’…
SO MUCH THAT IS OUTSIDE OF THE ‘AGREED UPON’ CONNECTION…

THE CONSCIOUSNESS IS THE AWARENESS OF THE DEGREE OF BEING IN ONE’S TRUE RHYTHM A
ND HEALTHY ORBIT…BEING CENTERED IN PURPOSE AS MANY INFLUENCES PRESSURE ONE TO LO
SE HARMONY AND BALANCE…

IT IS ‘NOT GETTING CAUGHT OFF BASE’ AS ONE LEANS TOWARDS THE NEXT BASE…IT IS A R
EADINESS OF ‘OPPORTUNISM’ AS ONE ‘TAKES THE EXTRA BASE WHEN THE PLAY OCCURS…IT I
S ALWAYS ‘TIMING IS EVERYTHING’ AS I ‘GO’ ON AND COMPLETE THE CYCLE…THE HOME RUN
OF A HEALTHY ‘HOMEOSTASIS’…THE CLARITY OF BEING ‘AWARE’ AND CENTERED…

ONE LEARNS THE IMPORTANCE OF MAINTAINING ‘SHIELD TIME’…THE NECESSITY OF PROTECTI

ON EVEN AS ONE EVOLVES TO HEALTHIER STATES…MAKING SURE THAT THE OTHER[S] DO NOT
INFLICT ANY WOUNDS OR HARM THEREBY CAUSING ONE TO ‘LOSE GROUND’ IN A STRUGGLE FO
R DIGNITY AND PERSONAL POWER…IT IS WRESTLING WITH ‘SHAME’ AS INADEQUACY AND ‘FEA
R OF BEING CAUGHT IN THE ACT AGAIN’ THAT PARTITIONS ME AND SPLITS ME OFF FROM TH
E TOTALITY OF REAL FEELING…

THE ‘SCARY PAST’ OF BLOCKS,OBSTACLES AND DEFENSES ARE BEING DISSOLVED AS ONE ACH
IEVES A STRENGTH OF PRESENCE IN BREATHING THROUGH THESE DAMAGES OF ‘YESTERDAZE’…
‘LETTING GO’ RELEASES AND ‘MOVING ON’ ARE THE CHOICES OF NEW GROWTH…NEW TIMINGS
ALTER ALL CONNECTIONS AND ORBITS AS ONE BEGINS TO ‘TRAVEL IN NEW CIRCLES’…

THERE IS A GAP OF WHAT IS ‘INNER NECESSITY’ AND WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO ‘GO FORWARD
’ …
IT IS A PERSONAL VICTORY TO EXCEED THE CONSTRAINTS OF ‘ACCEPTANCE AND APPROVAL’…
IT IS A SUCCESS TO ‘DO WHAT ONE WILLS’ ESPECIALLY AS ONE DOES NO HARM TO OTHERS…
IT IS THE FUNDAMENTAL RIGHT OF EACH PERSON TO SEEK TO DEVELOP THE TOTALITY OF PO
TENTIAL THROUGH PERSONAL ACTION…

IT IS ‘TIMING’ AS A GENERATIVE COMPLIANCE OF ‘GOING’ AND ‘RACING’ WITH THE COMBU

STION OF ‘AMPLIFIED USEFULNESS’… IT IS ACCENTUATE THE POSITIVE AND ELIMINATE THE
NEGATIVE AS ENERGIES ARE DIRECTED IN A ‘VANITY FAIR’ ORDERING…IT IS GOING INTO
THE ‘INNER NECESSITY’ OF REAL NEEDS THAT BRING ONE OUT OF THE ‘SCARY PAST’ AND I
NTO THE PRESENCE OF A PATHING OF HEART AND SOUL…

I KNOW THAT ‘HEART IS A PROCESS AS MUCH AS A STATE… IT IS WILL AS THE MOMENTUM O

F SELF LOVE EVOLVING BEYOND THE WILLFULNESS OF GRASPING TO GET BEYOND ‘LACK’…IT
IS ‘WILL’ OUT OF THE SENSES OF ‘INADEQUACY’ AND ‘INFERIORITY’…IT IS ‘WILL’ OF BE
ING ONE’S SELF THROUGH THE TRIALS AND DEMANDS OF EVERYDAY…

THE LEVEL AND DEPTH OF SHOCK AND TRAUMA FOSTERS A TERROR…A ‘FEAR IN THE ATTIC’ E
QUIVALENT TO THE FEAR OF SPEAKING THE TRUTH IN CHINA…

‘IT’S NOT THAT THEY DON’T CARE , IT’S THAT THEY DON’T DARE CARE’…

THE ‘TERROR OF THE EVERYDAY’ AS DESCRIBED BY BEIJING PROFESSOR JIAO GUOBIAO.

IT IS ‘INDEPENDENCE’ FROM THE ‘CORPORATE’ CONTROLLED MEDIA THAT ‘TIME DELAYS’ LI

VE PERFORMANCES IN ORDER TO SUPPRESS ANY POSSIBLE ‘UNSCRIPTED’ POLITICAL STATEME
NTS…

IT IS THE SENSE OF THE REAL THAT IS BEYOND THE ‘IMPULSES’ OF ‘INSTANT GRATIFICAT
ION’…IT IS KNOWING THAT DESIRE IS A ‘STRATEGIST’ WORKING THROUGH ANOTHER OBJECT,
IMAGE, OR PERSON TO GET WHAT IT WANTS…IT IS THE EARLY CHILDHOOD TRIANGULATION O
F EROS STILL CONTROLLING ONE’S MOMENTUM IN WRESTLING WITH POWER…THE IMMATURITY O
F THE EROS IS DESIRE IN THE MODE OF ‘MANIPULATIONS’…

ONE BEING PLAYED OFF AGAINST ANOTHER FOR SOME NEED OR COMPLEX HUNGER…IT IS THE C
ONSCIOUSNESS THAT ‘HUNGER MAKES PEOPLE STUPID’…….
ONCE THINGS ARE ‘TAKEN AWAY’ WE LEARN METHODS AND MANIPULATIONS TO SEEK AND OBTA
IN WHAT WE ‘CRAZE AND CRAVE’…THE GREATER THE ‘INTENSITY’ OF THE SEEKING, THE MOR
E THE IMBALANCE IS NOT RESOLVABLE… IT IS THE ‘HYSTERIA SENSUALIZATION’ OF ‘TRYIN
G TOO HARD AND THEREFORE FAILING’…IT IS THE DRAMA OF OBSESSION AND ‘HAFTA HAVE’…

THERE ARE MANY WAYS THAT DENIAL SERVES THE STRATEGIES OF DESIRE…SELF DELUSION AN
D SELF DECEPTION DRAMAS OF IMAGINATION AND FANTASY PROTECT THE REAL THAT IS ‘HID
DEN ‘ BEHIND THE ‘INNER UNREAL’ THAT FUNCTIONS IN A WORLD THAT DOES NOT VALUE PE
OPLE FOR WHO THEY REALLY ARE…

THE ‘INNER UNREAL’ BECOMES THE SOURCE OF ‘SUBSTANCE ABUSE’ AS ONE HAS TO BUILD T
HE MECHANISMS OF ‘SATISFYING’ THE DEMANDS OF THE ‘POWERS THAT BE’ AND STILL TRY
TO GET ONE’S NEEDS MET…

‘I WANT YOU TO BE HONEST WITH ME…I WANT YOU TO TELL ME THE TRUTH…I PROMISE THAT
I WON’T GET ANGRY’…

SHE SEEMED TO OWN MY VULNERABILITY…SHE WAS ALWAYS ONE BREATH AWAY FROM MY ‘WILL’
OF DOING WHAT I WANTED TO DO…SHE CONTAINED AND WEBBED AT EACH INTERSECT DEMANDI
NG THAT I RESPOND TO HER EVEN AS I SOUGHT ‘ACCELERATION’ AND ‘INDEPENDENCE’…

WHAT IS IT THAT I NEEDED FROM HER…

THERE WAS ALWAYS A STRUGGLE OF ‘WOUNDS AND WOOING’…SHE GETS ME TO PLAY THE ‘PRIN
CE’ RESCUING HER RATHER THAN ‘RHETT BUTLER’ NOT GIVING A ‘DAM’…

AS THE MUSIC PLAYED OUT THERE WAS ‘SOMETHING’ IN THE WAY’ THAT SHE SPOKE AND MOV
ED…A DEEP FEELING IN THE HEART AS A ‘RISING OF THE CREATIVE’…A HUNGER TO CONSUME
WHAT SHE OFFERED TO ME…SHE WAS EVERYTHING THAT I THOUGHT THAT I NEEDED…I WAS ST
ARVING FOR MORE THAN SHE COULD GIVE……..

THINGS AND TIMES CHANGE…NEEDS CHANGE…HORMONES AND DIETS CHANGE…SELF RESPECT AND
SELF LOVE EMPOWER ONE TO GO ON…SOLITUDE AND GENERATIVITY BECOME ‘MEDITATIVE’ AND
OWNING ONE’S SOUL TIME…
IT IS THE COURAGE TO BREATHE INTO THE REAL THAT ‘MATTERS’…IT IS GETTING BEYOND T
HE MECHANISMS OF CONTROLLED DEFENSIVENESS…IT IS THE TRUTH OF VULNERABILITY AS ON
E BECOMES MORE REAL…

THE SPECTRUM OF METHODS OF ‘EMOTIONAL DISTANCINGS’ AND ‘DISSOCIATIONS’ FROM THE

REAL SELF RANGE FROM STATES OF WITHDRAWAL TO TOTAL IMMERSION IN THE SOCIAL RHYTH
MS…IT IS THE COMPLIANCE OF ‘GOING ALONG TO GET ALONG’ IN A COMMISERATION OF ‘SHA
RED POWERLESSNESS’ THAT SEEMS SO NORMAL…IT IS THE ‘INNER CONFLICT’ THAT BECOMES
A ‘PARTITIONING’ OF FEELINGS AND EXPRESSIONS AS ONE KNOWS ONE MUST ‘BITE ONE’S T
ONGUE’ TO AVOID CAUSING ‘AGGRESSIONS’…

IT IS THE ‘ANGER TURNED INWARD’ AGAINST THE ‘INNER REAL’ THAT MAINTAINS THE ‘MET
HODS’ OF THE MADNESS…THE POWER AND CONTROL OF THE ‘INNER UNREAL’…

THE ‘INNER UNREAL’ IS THE ‘MASTER’ ENSLAVING THE INNER REAL…IT IS THE FORCE OF ‘
SHAME’ THAT EXPANDS AND CONTRACTS TO CONSOLIDATE AND CONTROL THE ‘IMAGE’ OR REPR
ESENTATION OF WHO ONE CONSIDERS ONESELF TO BE…THE SELF THAT THE WORLD REWARDS, S
EES AND RESPONDS TO…

‘SHAME’ BECOMES A SENSE OF THE QUEST FOR POWER IN ORDER TO OVERCOME FEELINGS OF
‘NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH’…IT IS ‘THE TYRANNY OF THE INFANTILE WITHIN’ THAT HAS BEC
OME THE ‘CONTROLLER’ OF THE ‘INNER UNREAL’…

‘SHAME’ IS THE ‘MASTER EMOTION’ MAINTAINING A GOAL TO ‘CONTROL OUTCOMES’ AND ‘IM
PRESSIONS’ OF PERSONAL INERTIA… ‘SHAME’ IS THE FORCE OF DISPLAY THAT ONE SEEKS T
O USE TO ‘IMPRINT’ INTO THE ‘OTHERS’…IT IS THE MIXTURE OF ‘VANITY’ AND ‘HYSTERIA
SENSUALIZATION’ THAT SERVES THE ‘CONTROLLER’ OF THE ‘INNER UNREAL’ AS IT ‘WARDS
OFF’ EXPOSURE AND THE UNVEILING OF THE REAL…

‘YOU FUCKED HER DIDN’T YOU’… SHE SAID WITH A MIXTURE OF CONTEMPT AND RAGE ALTHOU
GH I STILL FELT HER WOUNDEDNESS AS THE DRAMA REPLAYED IN MY MEMORY…

‘IT IS NOT WHAT YOU THINK’…

‘YOU JUST WANTED TO GET BACK AT ME’… ‘YOU WANTED TO PUNISH ME FOR WHAT I DID’…

‘YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND…IT’S NOT THE WAY YOU THINK…IT’S DIFFERENT…IT IS NOT A REJE
CTION ‘…

‘IT IS THE POWERLESSNESS AND THE WOUNDEDNESS’…

‘ALWAYS AN EXCUSE…YOU FUCKED HER BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO ‘FUCK HER’…

IT IS SO MUCH EASIER IN HINDSIGHT.

DEEP IN MY PSYCHE’ VULNERABILITY I WRESTLE WITH A QUEST FOR LOVE ‘TO MAKE IT ALL
BETTER’…A DEPENDENCY OF NEEDING ‘COMFORT’ AND ‘PAIN RELIEF’… A SEARCH FOR ‘ESTE
EM’ AND A MOTION TOWARD WHOLENESS ‘BY WHATEVER MEANS POSSIBLE’…TO GRASP THE ‘FLA
WS’ AND LEARN TO BREATHE INTO AND THROUGH THEM… A RESOLVE TO ‘OVERCOME THE INERT
IA’ OF ‘REARING’ AND THE LIMITS OF IMPOSED ‘DAMAGE’ …DAMAGE AS THE RESULT OF TRA
UMA AND LEVELS OF NECESSITY ‘COMPLIANCE’…

I TEMPER MY ASSERTIONS OF REACTIVITY…THE ERUPTIVENESS OF ‘WILLFULNESS’ IN A REAC

TIVE DEFIANCE AGAINST SOME CONTROL OR FORCE OF ‘AUTHORITY’…THE ‘CONTROL’ THAT SE
EMS ‘IMPOSED’ FROM AN EXTERNAL AUTHORITY SEEMING TO COMPEL THE PROBLEM ‘AUTHORIT
ARIANISM’ AND RIGIDITY OF SHAME AND DEFENSIVENESS…

IT BECOMES A PSYCHOLOGICAL ‘TURF WAR’ AS ‘FENCING’ AND ‘DUELING’ TO ACHIEVE SOME

FORM OF SAFENESS ARE FULLY ACTIVATED AND MANY BEHAVIORS ARE SKEWED AS A RESULT…
THE ‘DISTANCINGS’ IN SELF PROTECTION THEN MAY COMBINE WITH A DESIRE INVESTMENT
STRATEGY AS I DRIVE IN A ‘MUTUAL RECIPROCITY’ OF ENCOUNTERING THE SIMILARLY HURT
AND STRIVING…

IT IS THE OPPORTUNITY OF EACH NEW CRISIS AS AN ‘INTERSECTION’ TO CONNECT IN MUTU

ALLY BENEFICIAL SUPPORT AND KINDNESS…

IT IS AN ATTRACTION DRAMA OF ‘POWER SEEKING’ THAT TEMPORARILY SERVES AS A MUTUAL

LY BENEFICIAL LOVE PROVIDING A WAY TO PROCEED WITH THE DREAMS AND WISHFULNESS OF
‘OVERCOMING’ THE MEMORIES AND THE MADNESS OF WOUNDEDNESS…

REALITY BECOMES SIMPLY A PROCESS OF ‘I JUST DID WHAT I HAD TO DO’ UNTIL ONE KNOW
S THE SHADOWS OF THE ATTIC…SO MUCH IS LIMITED BY THE LACK OF A HEALTHY CENTERING
…A STRONG SENSE OF SELF…MANY PATHS ARE CLOSED AND MANY CHOICES ARE NOT EVEN SEEN
…THERE IS A ‘BLINDNESS’ OF ‘SELF ABSORPTION’ AND ‘FOSTERED DEPENDENCY’…POSSIBILI
TIES ARE NEVER IN THE CARDS WHEN ‘DISCARDS’ ARE ON THE TABLE AND ‘WORTH’ IS SIMP
LY THE FOG OF YESTERDAY’S LOSSES…

THERE ARE WISHES AND WONDER IN THE SHADOWS…IT IS SORTING AND BREATHING THROUGH T
HE ANGUISH AND THE ‘TREASURED LOSSES’…IT IS IDENTIFYING THE REAL THAT IS THE ‘HE
ART OF THE HEALING’…IT IS BRINGING FORTH THE REAL THAT ‘ACTUALIZES’ AND ‘SAVES’
THE SOUL OF THE SELF…

INSIGHT TAKES TIME TO BECOME CONFIDENCE MOVING BEYOND THE SEEMING ‘NARROWNESS’ O
F A RANGE OF ‘ATTRACTIONS’…IT IS A NEW ASSERTION OF WILL IN A NEW CHOICE OF A RE
ALISM…IT IS IDENTIFYING THE FORCES OF SHAME, DENIAL AND ‘HOLDING BACK’…

‘I WOULD NOT ALLOW MYSELF’ TO BE AFFECTED BY HER BEAUTY…

SHE IS ‘OUT OF MY LEAGUE’…

SHE IS ONLY INTERESTED IN ALL THOSE WHO ARE COMING AT HER SO MUCH OF THE TIME…IT
IS A FEELING OF BEING UNABLE TO COMPETE ON THAT PLANE OF REPRODUCTIVITY…

I MOVE THROUGH MY FORTY FOETUS FALL CONSCIOUSNESS AND FIND MYSELF HOPING THAT ‘S
TRIVING’ IS LOSING ITS INFLUENCE AS I EVOLVE TO A CENTERING OF WILL THAT IS BEYO
ND THE PAIN SHAPED JOURNEY OF REACTIVITY AND MANIPULATION IN MY ‘WILLFULNESS’ OF
‘GETTING’ WHAT THE ‘CONTROLLER’ OF MY SHAME APPETITES DEMANDED THAT I HAD TO HA
VE…

‘YEAH…I FUCKED HER’…I SENSED A MEDIATION WITHIN MY SOUL…A COMPASSION…AN AWARENES

S OF THE ESSENCES OF ‘I DID WHAT I HAD TO DO’…IT IS THE GENERATIVE THAT MUST FIN
D ITS’ WAY…I SPOKE CLEARLY TO MYSELF….THE DIFFICULTY WAS IN THE LOSS OF LOVE THA
T KEPT ME IN MY ‘INNER UNREAL’ STARVING FOR NURTURANCE………
THE CLARITY OF NECESSITY…A ‘NEGOTIATION OF REALITY’…A REVISIONARY VISION OF WHAT
REALLY ‘IS’…A SELF RESPECT UNDERSTANDING AND A COMPASSION TO ‘MOVE ON’ RECOGNIZ
ING THE WISDOM OF EMOTIONAL CLUMSINESS SEARCHING FOR A HEALTHY HOMEOSTASIS AND S
TRENGTH OF CENTERING…

‘DID YOU FUCK HER’ ?…

I REPEATED THE WORDS OUT LOUD…

THE THUNDER AND LIGHTNING RESONATED AS I LOOKED OUT THE WINDOW…THE STORM WAS THE
TRUTH OF THE FIRE IN MY SPIRIT…A CREATIVE FIRE OF LOVE AND DESIRE THAT DRIVES M
E TO EXPAND IN STRENGTHENING INTENT AND WILL… THAT RESONATES IN A HEAT OF GENERA
TIVITY TO ACT IN A RESOLVE OF NEED…

THE SOUNDS OF YESTERDAY SEEMED TO ECHO IN MY LONELINESS…MY ALONENESS…THERE IS AN

INJUSTICE IN IT…A HUNGER THAT IS VORACIOUS…IN TRAUMATIZED AWARENESS THE WOUNDED
NESS IS BEYOND THE BONDINGS OF DESIRE…

THE PAIN DEMANDS MORE THAN THE OTHER ALONE IS CAPABLE OF GIVING…

YEAH I FUCKED HER…

I LISTENED TO MY TRUTH. I FELT COMPASSION FOR MYSELF. SELF LOVE AND SELF RESPECT
. ONE LEARNS TO OVERCOME SELF BETRAYAL FEELINGS AS ONE HEALS BEARING IN MIND HOW
MUCH ONE HAS TO DO TO SOLVE THE CRISIS OF THE SELF…TO ‘OVERCOME THE SELF’ THAT
IS THE INERTIA OF THE ‘INNER UNREAL’….

THE ENSUING TIME OF PRESENCE MAKES AVAILABLE THE INGREDIENTS OF EMOTIONAL WISDOM
…ONE SEES TOO MUCH THAT MAY BE LOST IN THE FLOOD…TOO MUCH IS DESTROYED IN THE CO
LLAPSE OF THE ‘IDEALIZATION’…TOO MUCH IS TOO MESSY… THE MIXES OF HUNGERS, DISAPP
OINTMENTS AND DREAMS BECOMES A LOSS OF INNOCENCE AND IT COMPELS A REBIRTHING IN
NEW WAYS…NEW RELATIONSHIPS AND THE END OF THE OLD ORDERING……..
AS JULIA KRISTEVA SAID… ‘ONE MUST RENOUNCE ONE’S AUTO-EROTICISM’ IN ORDER TO FIN
D A PERSON OF THE OPPOSITE SEX’…

THE ‘BREAKTHROUGH’…SEEING A NEW REALITY…SEEING THE COMPLEXITY…SEEING THE WAY TO

KEEP GOING IN AN ‘INVESTMENT’ INTO THE SELF THROUGH INVESTMENT INTO THE OTHERS…

‘LIMITS’…THERE IS ONLY SO MUCH THAT ONE CAN DO …BALANCE INVESTMENTS IN THE SELF
ALONG THE PATH OF THE HEART FLOWS OF CONNECTION TO THE OTHERS… RECOGNIZE DIFFERE
NCES AND BLINDNESS…SEEK TO ADD VALUE WHILE MINIMIZING ACCENTUATIONS OF FALSENESS
…

A PERCOLATION SURFACING…MEMORY AND VULNERABILITY…REMEMBERING LATE NIGHT TIMES OF

LYING IN BED AWAKE AND DISTRAUGHT…

‘WHEN WILL SHE COME HOME’?

THE PSYCHE’ ECHOES…A THEME RESURFACING IN SENSES OF LEARNED COPING AND EXCESSIVE
NESS OF CONTROLS… IMAGES OF MY FATHER SITTING BY THE WINDOW WAITING FOR MY RETUR
N FROM A LATE DATE…MEMORIES OF THE ANGER OF ‘WORRY’ AND THE ‘STRESS’ OF MY BEING
SPLIT OFF FROM THE RHYTHMS OF THE ‘ORDINARY’…THE ‘ALIENATION GAP’ OF DIFFERENCE
…THE KNOWLEDGE THAT ‘SOMETHING’ IS SLIPPING AWAY’ OUT OF ONE’S GRASP AND THAT TH
ERE IS NOTHING THAT ONE CAN DO ABOUT T’…A POWERLESSNESS OF NO LONGER CONTROLLING
THE FEELINGS OR THE BONDS OF CONNECTION…

MY FATHER DEMANDING ‘WHEN WILL HE COME HOME’? AS A PROJECTION IN ‘I DON’T KNOW W

HAT YOU CAN BE DOING AT ALL HOURS OF THE MORNING’…….

FEARS AND GUILT ABSORBED INTO MY DRIVES…..DOING INNER NECESSITY YET MEDIATING TH
E PRESSURES AND DEMANDS OF RELIGIOUS GUILT AND LIMITS……..

I SENSE THE ‘BUILT IN PANIC’ OF IT…THE TIME OF ‘WILLFULNESS’ WHEN BOTH ARE TRAPP
ED IN THE SAME PAINFUL STRUGGLE FOR DIGNITY AND BLINDLY TRYING TO NEUTRALIZE THE
 ANGUISH…TRYING TO OVERCOME THE VULNERABILITY IN THE ASSERTION OF ‘ME’ YET STILL
BEING WEBBED IN THE RHYTHMS OF AN ‘ENGENDERED TEMPERAMENT’…

BEING TOO MUCH LIKE THE MOTHER…TOO MUCH LIKE THE FATHER…

IT IS MORE THAN REACTIVE WILLFULNESS…MORE THAN ‘RUNNING TO DAYLIGHT’…IT IS DISCO

VERING THE TRUTH OF SELF IN RIDING OUT THE TURBULENCE OF THE INNER RAPIDS OF HAB
ITS AND PATTERNS SO INGRAINED AND CHARGED UP IN MERIDIAN FLOW NORMALCY.

NEW STREAMINGS MUST OCCUR AS A RESULT OF NEW ‘WHETHER’…NEW FERTILITY AND BREATHI
NG ACTIVATE NEW RHYTHMS OF HEART AND SPIRIT…ONE LEARNS REACHING FOR A NEW STIMUL
ATION BEYOND MERE IMPULSE OF REACTIVITY…

IT IS THE TIME OF ALTERING THE TIDES OF FLIGHT AND FIGHT…THERE IS ACCEPTANCE OF

THE PAST AND THE KNOWLEDGE OF THE MOMENT OF ‘YE’…TO BRIDGE YESTERDAY INTO THE ST
EPPING INTO THE FUTURE…

IT IS THE KNOWLEDGE OF THE RAGE OF THE ‘MISSING’…THE PRESSURE COOKER…SOMETHING M

UST BE DONE TO COUNTER THE ‘LACK’…THE ‘NOT GOOD ENOUGH’…

IT IS ‘HANSEL AND GRETEL’ TIME…TO HOLD ON YET KNOW THE IMPORTANCE OF ‘LETTING GO
’ IN ORDER TO STRENGTHEN ONE’S INNER RESOLVE TO ACHIEVE ‘INDEPENDENCE’ BEYOND TH
E TRAUMA DEFINED HISTORY OF COPING AND ADAPTATION…

IT IS SWITCH AND WHICH…ITCH, NICHE, BITCH, AND WITCH THAT COMPELS THE DRAGONS OF
DEFENSIVENESS TO PATROL THE LAIR OF ‘HOLDING ON TO THE LITTLE THAT ONE HAS’…

IT IS THE VULNERABILITY OF ‘JOB’…THE LOSSES DEMANDING PATIENCE AND ACCEPTANCE…

‘I AM TAKING THIS THAT YOU NEED AWAY FROM YOU’…

WHAT IS IT THAT I REALLY NEED BECOMES THE MEASUREMENT OF SIMPLICITY EVEN AS THE
CLOCKS TICKS THROUGH THE REALM OF ‘IN-TIC-TOCKS A ‘K’ SHUN’…THE SELF ABSORPTION
WORLD OF PACIFIERS AND DREAMS…

THERE IS A PIVOT CONSCIOUSNESS IN THIS…I FEEL SO MUCH ABANDONMENT YET I SENSE A

HUNGER TOWARD THE NEED FOR A ‘RAWNESS’ IN A WISH THAT IS IN SOME LEVEL OF ‘ABAND
ON’…SOME FORM OF A REBALANCING OF SOUL THAT IS AKIN TO THE RESCUE OF A ‘PRINCESS
’ FROM THE HEIGHTS OF THE CASTLE…

THERE IT IS…I FOUND THE ECHO OF VULNERABILITY… THE ECHO OF DEEP NEED…

EMPTINESS…..NOTHINGNESS………

THE SOMETHING THAT IS TAKEN AWAY…LOSS AND ‘EMPTINESS’…THE SOURCE OF ‘DENIAL’…

THE TERRAIN OF SUBSTITUTIONS… SURROGATES… SOMEONE OR SOMETHING TO PACIFY OR SATI

SFY…THE PLATEAU OF SOFT AND HARD ADDICTIONS…THE EDGE OF THE ‘FIREWALL’ OF PROTEC
TION…THE MOAT OF DISTANCINGS AND ILLUSIONS…

WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO BE ‘HAPPY’…HOW MUCH DELUSION…SELF DECEPTION…ACCEPTANCE O

F ILLUSION…

IT IS IN THE FLAWS IN THE FOUNDATION…

‘SHE IS LOOKING FOR THE FLAWS THAT WILL ENABLE HER TO ERUPT BEYOND THE LIMITS IM
POSED BY HER FATHER…FOR THE FATHER HAS BLOCKED THE DAUGHTER’S SEXUAL ENERGY BY R
ESERVING IT FOR HIMSELF’…

SEEING HER STRUGGLE ILLUMINATES MY OWN………

IT IS CONSCIOUSNESS OF THE PASSAGES THROUGH CONSTRAINTS OF HEREDITARY EXPECTANCI
ES AND FOSTERED STATES OF ‘WHAT WE WOULD LIKE YOU TO BE’…

GOING DEEPER INTO HEREDITY ECHOES…

‘IF THEY DID NOT HAVE ENOUGH FOR THEMSELVES HOW COULD THEY GIVE YOU WHAT YOU NEE
D’…

WHAT IS THE WAY OUT…WHAT IS THE ‘PATH OF THE HEART’…

I SEE HOW DOING ACTIONS OF ‘SERVICE’… ‘FOSTERING POSSIBILITIES’ AND SENSITIVELY

GUIDING ‘TROUBLED FRIENDS AND LOVERS’ OUT OF TRAUMAS AND KINWEBS SERVES MY STRUG
GLE TO DEAL WITH FEELINGS OF ‘INFERIORITY AND INADEQUACY’… IT IS HOW WE DEVELOP
OUR SENSES AND IN SOME WAYS MAKE OUR FLAWS OUR STRENGTHS…

I ENCOUNTER MY CRIES AND CATCALLS IN ECHOES IN ELEVATORS AND ESCALATORS OF ASCEN

DING AND DESCENDING OF EROS PRESENCE…

THE EMPTINESS OF THE AIR SHAFT AS THE ‘DREAM’…THE SPACE OF ACCESSING A PARALLELI
SM OF LOSS AND HOPE…

FEELING INADEQUACY IN SEARCHING FOR STRENGTH OF HEART TO BE IN MY REAL SENSE OF

PSYCHE’ HOMEOSTASIS…

I HERE ECHOES… ‘THE ‘PROOF’ IS IN THE PUDDING’…

‘CAN HE ‘CUT THE MUSTARD’’?

MY ‘INNER NECESSITY’ SURFACING IN ECHOES OF REACHING FORWARD AS A GREAT HUNGER O

F WEIGHING ‘TREASURED LOSS’ WHILE GRASPING FOR THE GREAT FUCKING OF A FULLNESS O
F SELF…

THERE IS A ‘FIRESTORM IN THE EVOLUTION’ THAT MUST BE CONSTANTLY MAINTAINED AT A

BALANCED LEVEL SO AS TO SUSTAIN AND NOT ‘BURN OUT’…

‘TOO MUCH FIRE AND ALL BECOMES ASH…TOO LITTLE AIR AND THE FIRE DIES’…

HEREDITY ECHOES PLAY OUT IN SENSES OF WORRY AND WEARINESS…WAITING BY THE WINDOW…
WATCHING AND TRYING TO QUELL THE FEAR AND THE THREAT OF POTENTIAL LOSS…TOO MUCH
‘AT RISK’… ‘TOO MUCH’ AT STAKE… GUARDING AGAINST THE DANGERS OF SOMETHING BEING
‘TAKEN AWAY’ WHEN THERE IS SO LITTLE THAT ONE HAS…

‘BE CAREFUL’…AN ADMONITION OF TRUTH YET A LINE OF LIMIT AS WELL AS A LINE OF ASS
ERTION…A POINT OF REBELLION TO CLAIM THE RISK AND THE REWARD OF OWNING ONE’S OWN
LIFE FORCE ENERGIES…

‘WHY ARE YOU LEAVING ME’?

I REACHED FOR AN EXPLANATION. IT WAS VERY DIFFICULT… THINGS WERE ALWAYS SKEWED A
ND COMPRESSED…THE EARLY ADVICE AND CONSTRAINTS ‘HEMMED’ YET AFFORDED PROTECTION…

‘BE CAREFUL’…I FELT THE COMPRESSED STATE OF BEING UNDER SOMEONE’S THUMB…THE MANA
GED REALITY OF HAVING TO ANSWER CONSTANTLY…THE RAGE OF NOT LIVING A FULLY REALIZ
ED LIFE…

‘BE CAREFUL’…THE WOODS ARE DARK AND DEEP AND INEVITABLY YOU HAVE TO GO IT ALONE…
TO FACE THE FEARS OF TREKS THAT GO TO THE EDGE OF MORTALITY…

‘DID YOU FUCK HER’?

DREAMS ECHO IN TRANSFERS OF BEAUTY AND DESIRE… I REMEMBER STATES OF BEING…

‘WE WERE AT THE PUMPKIN BALL AND SHE WAS NEW YEARS ‘EVE’’…IT WAS ‘LITTLE DID I K
NOW TIME’ AS I DANCED WITH THE ‘QUEEN OF HEARTS’ NEAR THE ‘TUNNEL OF LOVE’ INSID
E THE GREAT PYRAMID…SHE WAS NEFERTITI AND I WAS INNOCENCE FILLING THE ‘SEED BOX
ON THE WINDOW SILL’…WE SHARED THE DRAMA OF ‘DREAMGIRLS’ AS I ROAMED THE GREAT YI
N PLATEAU OF VULNERABILITY AND RECEPTIVITY…

‘DID YOU FUCK HER’?

I KNOW THAT I WAS SEARCHING FOR THE REAL FEELING A WAVE OF SPONTANEITY AS I BEGA
N TO OVERCOME THE SORROWS OF MY MOTHER…I WRESTLED WITH THE ADMONITIONS OF ‘BE CA
REFUL’ AS CAUTION RELEASED INTO THE WINDS OF EROS…THE DAMAGES AND BRANDS SERVING
THE ACROBATICS MANEUVERING THROUGH THE ‘TREASURED LOSS’ TERRAIN THAT COMPELLED
MY QUEST TO DO ‘THE CONQUEST OF PAIN’…

‘DID YOU ENJOY IT’?

THE RESONANCE OF CHALLENGE AND THE ASSERTION OF THE POTENCY OF THE REAL SELF… ‘D
ECONSTRUCTION’… THINGS BREAKING DOWN AND DEMANDING THE QUICKNESS OF INCREASED LI
QUIDITY OF GENERATIVITY…THE POTENCY OF HOW SPECIAL IT ALL SEEMED WAS SLIPPING TH
ROUGH MY FINGERS…

THE STORMS CREATED MOTIONS AND TIDES OF ‘INNER NECESSITY’…THE FLOODING THREATENE
D MY SANCTUARY… MY ATTIC SPACE OF STORAGE AND DREAMS…

I FELT SO MUCH ‘BLINDNESS’ OF DESIRE WISHING FOR THE ‘ABANDON’ THAT WOULD WASH I
T ALL AWAY…

I WANTED THE GREAT FLOOD OF REGENERATION OF MY HEART TO PERMEATE ALL STATES IN A

SIMULTANEITY OF REBIRTHING…I WANTED A ‘WISHED FOR’ AUTHENTIC PRESENCE…I NO LONG
ER WANTED TO FEEL LIKE ‘PINOCCHIO’ AND THE ‘PUPPET’ OF BEING ‘HIGHLY STRUNG’…
THERE WAS SUDDENLY A NEW ECHO… IT CAME FROM DEEP IN THE NERVES AND FIBERS…

THERE SEEMED TO BE A DEEP VIOLENCE CALLING OUT…THE REASONS FOR THE PUNISHMENT FO
R BEING INADEQUATE FROM THE TIME OF BIRTH…THE KNOWLEDGE OF A STRUGGLE FOR BEING
‘WORTHY’ WHEN THE CULTURE IMPRINTING IS ‘THE MORE THERE ARE OF YOU, THE LESS YOU
ARE OF ANY VALUE’…

I WAS GRASPING THE DIFFERENCE OF ‘FRUSTRATION VS. SUFFERING’ AND KNOWING THAT ‘S
UFFERING AFFORDS AN ‘OPPORTUNITY FOR TRANSFORMATION’ WHILE ‘FRUSTRATION’ SIMPLY
STOPS ME IN MY TRACKS…

‘BE CAREFUL…YOU MIGHT NEED THAT SOMEDAY…IT COULD COME IN HANDY…YOU NEVER KNOW WH
EN YOU MIGHT NEED IT’… STORAGE CONTAINERS OF ACCUMULATIONS…BATTERY ACCUMULATORS
OF FRAUDULENT NECESSITIES…

A TENDENCY TO FOLLOW THE TENETS OF INSTITUTIONS THAT EXPLAIN ‘SUFFERING’ AND ‘IN
JUSTICE’ AS THE ‘PROCESS’ OF GETTING TO HEAVEN OR ‘GOING TO HELL’…

IN SOME WAYS IT IS AS IF WE LIVE IN A ‘LIFEBOAT’ CONTANTLY MAKING SURVIVAL CHOIC

ES…IT IS IN THE ‘TREASURES’ OF ACCUMULATIONS AND POSSESSIONS THAT ARE ‘VALUED MO
RE THAN LIFE’… ASSETS TO GET THROUGH THE ‘BAD TIMES’…

LIFE BECOMES A CONSTANCY FEAR BRACING AGAINST THE WINDS OF SCARCITY…

‘YOU FUCKED HER…DIDN’T YOU’…

MY OWN NEEDS PITTED AGAINST HER HELLFIRE RISING FROM THE DEPTHS OF BETRAYAL OF A
N INNOCENCE…A RUBBING SALT INTO THE WOUNDS OF TOO MUCH EARLY CHILD SPLITTING OFF
INTO THE ‘IMAGINARY’…

SO MUCH INNER NECESSITY CHANNELLED INTO DREAMS AND THE CONSTRUCTION OF A FANTASY
PERFORMANCE PERSONALITY…WHAT YOU SEE IS NOT WHAT YOU GET…
‘YOU ARE NOT THE PERSON I WANTED YOU TO BE’…

‘HOW COULD I HAVE FAILED SO MISERABLY IN MY DREAM’?

I HAD CROSSED HER ‘ORBITAL’ ZONING…BREACHING THE FIREWALL OF ‘HELL HATH NO FURY
LIKE A WOMAN SCORNED’…THE ‘HELLFIRE…THE DRAGONFIRE’…

I WAS SEEING THE FIREWALL IN THE CONTEMPT WHERE BETRAYAL OF SELF OCCURS IN THE D
ENIAL OF RAGES AND THE CONTROLS THAT ARE ‘ABANDONMENT AVOIDANCE’…

I HAD VENTURED INTO MOM AND DAD SAFETY TIME…A SPACE OF DEFENSIVENESS IN VOLATILI
TY WAYS OF ANTICIPATION AND REACTIVITY…THE PSYCHE’ PLACES AND POCKETS OF STORAGE
…STORED ‘RAGE.

THE HEART NEEDS A TRUTH OF ‘REAL TIME’ INTIMACY TO TRULY BE FRESH IN OXYGEN AND
HORMONAL BIOCHEMISTRIES…

QUESTING FOR TRANSFORMATION MEANS LETTING GO OF THE ARCHAIC INFRASTRUCTURE THAT

WAS BUILT OUT OF ‘OPPRESSION’… ‘SUPPRESSION’ AND ‘REPRESSION’…

PERSONAL LIBERATION… THE GREAT EMOTIONS OF TRANSFORMATION ARE OSMOTIC…THEY ARE ‘

BETWIXT’ AND ‘BETWEEN’ IN THE ALCHEMY OF ETHERIA…THE ENERGIES RELEASED IN ‘LETTI
NG GO’ AND ‘GOING FORWARD’… THE ACROBATICS OF ALCHEMY AND EROS…SPIRITUAL AND PHY
SIOLOGICAL CONNECTION IN MUTUAL RECIPROCITY OF ‘DYNAMISM’…IT IS A CONSCIOUSNESS
THAT ‘SEXUALITY’ MOVES THROUGH STAINED GLASS’…

EROS THE LIFE FORCE IS ‘WILL’ NOT ‘WILLFUL’…A TRUTH OF PRESENCE INSTEAD OF A STR
AINED REACTIVITY…IT IS THE PATH OF THE HEART INSTEAD OF THE COMPLIANCE WITH THE
DEMANDS OF CHURCHES OR THE SEDUCTIONS OF ADVERTISING…IT IS AN URGENCY OF A WILL
TO CONNECT NOT THE DEFIANCE OF AN INDULGENT OR RIGID WILLFULNESS…
THERE IS A NEW NECESSITY AS ONE CLIMBS THE INNER SOUL MOUNTAIN…ONE LEARNS ‘FILTR
ATION’…AN OSMOTIC AWARENESS OF PASSAGES AND CORRIDORS…LETTING IN AND KEEPING OUT
…FILTERING THE EXCESSES OF WAVES OF ADMONITIONS… ‘BUY THIS AND BECOME THIS’… ‘BE
LIKE’… ‘DON’T DO’… ‘DRESS LIKE’…LET US ‘MAKE YOU OVER’…

CONSCIOUSNESS IS BEYOND ‘MC CLUHAN’…WE LIVE IN AN ELECTRONIC COLONY SENSING THE

RESONANCE OF ‘ECHOIC TIMBRE’…THE SOUND CHAOS OF COMPETING FORCES BOUNCING ECHOES
OFF OF ‘MILLIONS OF INNER FIREWALLS’ OF DESIRE AND DENIAL…THE SPLIT-OFF REALITY
OF THE ‘IDEALIZED’ IMAGERY AND THE CONFUSIONS OF FOSTERED MARKET SHARES OF ‘WIL
LFULNESS’…THE ‘CONSTRUCTIVE DISCONTENTMENT’ OF ‘BUY THIS AND BECOME THIS’…

THE GAP…THE GREAT DIVIDE…THE WAR ZONES OF THE ‘HAVE TO HAVE’ GAMES…THE CONSEQUEN
CES…

‘THIS IS THE WHO THAT I WOULD LIKE YOU TO SEE’

THEREIN IS THE GRAND CANYON GAP…THE TERRAIN WHERE CONFUSION AND FEARS BECOME THE
CERTAINTY OF CONSUMPTION AS ‘I’D TURN BACK IF I WERE YOU’ AND ‘HE WHO HESITATES
IS LOST’ LIMITS AS A ‘COST’ OF SPIRIT…IT IS THE ‘WILLFULNESS’ PARADING AS AUTHE
NTICITY WHEN EMULATION AND PEER REVIEWS CERTIFY ‘ACCEPTANCE’ IN A ‘MARKET SHARIN
G’ OF SOCIAL IDENTITY…

THE STRENGTHENING OF THE SELF DEMANDS THE GENERATIVITY OF A REAL WILL TO ENTER I
NTO THE BATTLEFIELD OF ‘RAWNESS’…

ONE MUST BE CONSCIOUS IN OVERCOMING BLOCKS AND DISSOLVING OBSTACLES…A TUNING INT
O THE REALM OF EROS CALLING HEARTY LAUGHTER AND INTIMATE URGENCY INTO THE POTENT
IAL OF ‘AL’…THE REGION OF ‘AIR’ TO THE LETTER ‘A’ AND ‘VENUS’ TO THE LETTER ‘L’…
THE ARENA WHERE THE ‘WOMAN SATISFIED’ COMES TO FRUITION…

‘DID YOU FUCK HER’?

OF COURSE…
SELF ACCEPTANCE IS THE AWARENESS OF ‘BY WHATEVER MEANS’ THAT PLAYS OUT AS THE DE
PTH OF DRAMA OF RELATIONS…IT IS ‘TAKING AWAY’ AS IT IS ‘GIVING FREELY’…ADOLESCEN
T LEARNING AND GAINING SEXUAL MATURATION TAKES MANY PATHS…IN TIME WE LEARN FROM
THE GOOD AND THE NOT SO GOOD FEELINGS……..OUR EXPERIENCES THAT ENABLE US TO GROW
AND MORE LIKELY ‘CHOOSE WISELY’…

THE MORE ONE CONNECTS IN HEART INTEGRITY THE MORE ONE BECOMES REAL………

THE ‘PATH OF THE HEART’ IS THE PROCESS OF CONTINUOUSLY FLOWING IN THE EXPANSIONS
OF ‘AUTHENTICITY’…IT IS THE GRASP OF THE SIMPLICITY OF HOW MUCH OF THE REALIZED
SELF FULLY MEETS THE ‘OPPOSITE’…

THERE IS SO MUCH CONFUSION IN THE REALM OF HUMAN SEXUALITY… POWER AND WISHES ARE
FREQUENTLY SUBSTITUTED FOR LOVE…FORMS OF ATTRACTION ARE EXCHANGED FOR AN ‘IDEAL
IZED IMAGE’…A ‘NARCISSISM’ OF ‘I WOULD LIKE TO BE’…THE FASCINATION OF THE REFLEC
TIONS IN THE GREAT ‘HALL OF MIRRORS’…THE ‘BLINDNESS’ OF ONLY SEEING WHAT WE WANT
TO SEE’…

THE ‘SUCKING THREATS OF WISHES’ INTERSECT WITH THE ECHOES OF THE ‘INFANTILE TYRA
NNY WITHIN’ AS ONE RELEASES IN A ‘CROSSROADS’ OF ACCUMULATIONS OF ANGERS AND ‘DE
EP INNER NECESSITY’ DESIRES AND HUNGERS…

‘PRIDE GOETH BEFORE A FALL’…THE ‘ARROGANCE OF POWER’…THE ‘POWER CORRUPTS ABSOLUT

ELY’…

WHEN DOES ONE FIND THE TRUTH OF CONFIDENCE AND HUMILITY…THE ‘LIGHTNING ROD OF PR
ESENCE’…

IT IS AN ACROBATIC PROCESS DRIVING FORWARD TO HARMONIZE HEART AND THE HUMAN NEED
TO TRANSFORM AND GROW…TO ‘SHED THE SKINS’ OF YESTERDAY’S DREAMS AND CONFUSIONS
AND NOT RECOIL BACK TO THE WAYS OF EARLIER CONSTRAINTS’…

‘WHERE IS THE INTIMACY OF ‘COMING FORWARD’ IN AN AFFIRMATION OF INTIMATE PRESENC

E MOVING BEYOND THE SELF ABSORPTIONS OF NARCISSISM’?
THE DISCOVERY OF THE REAL SELF INCLUDES ALL KINDS OF ‘EXPLORATIONS’ YET IT IS ON
LY IN THE GROWTH BEYOND SELF ABSORPTION THAT ONE ENCOUNTERS THE CONVULSIVENESS O
F REAL POTENTIAL…

MEMORIES…ECHOES… WOUNDS…PERSONAL ARMORING AND AUTHENTICITY…LISTENING TO THE TRUT

H OF THE HEART IN THE DARKNESS…SENSING WHAT MUST BE FACED…

RECOGNIZING TRAPS AND SNARES IN ‘NEEDINESS’ MASQUERADING AND MANIPULATING TO ACH

IEVE ‘DOMINANCE’… ‘DENIAL’ MANEUVERING TO KEEP CONTROL… GAMES OF SEDUCTION AND D
ECEPTION TO FEEL POWER AND OVERCOME SENSES OF ‘LACK’… INSTANT GRATIFICATION AND
RELEASE BLINDING ONESELF TO THE TRUTH OF ONE’S REAL POSSIBILITY….

YOU MUST REDEFINE IT AS YOUR OWN JOURNEY…YOUR JOURNEY TO REACH OUT FOR WHAT IS M
EANINGFUL…YOUR OWN LIFE…

‘DID YOU FUCK HER’?

November 1, 2006 [C] WPC