Lessly Granados February 10, 2015 Humanities 7A Expedition Memoir The Reasons Why Ms.Rojas Came Here Twice Why did I come to America? Well, there are two reasons why I came here two different times. The first time was basis on | had just finished working and wanted to lear English. The other one was because | want to live with my husband, who has a job here in America. How did | get here the first time? I came with a special program. The program gave us certain places in America that we could study. | picked Washington D.C. not knowing that it would be really cold here. Plus | came in November so it was just going to get colder. Also I'm from Colombia, so cold for us is like when it's spring time here. The program allowed us to stay here for a year to study, Also we would live with a family. I would take care of their kids in the morning till the aftemoon when their parents got home from work. Then that night | would go to school. In school | met Eric. Soon-to-be husband, even though I had never met him until that moment. Like everyone else in the class, he wasn't from here. His job allowed him to stay here in America. We started talking one day and ended up having a lotin common. One day he asked me to dinner and we ended up falling in love. A couple months later has the days were starting to get colder and the leafs were starting to fall | realized that | could only stay here for a year, and that year was coming to an end. As the day got closer to when | had to leave for Colombia | felt really depressed because I had to leave Eric. Yes | did feel a bit homesick. I missed the never ending hills of fruits and greens, the sun beating down on me, and the wind blowing on me ever so lightly. After about a year late, from coming back to Colombia, | came back to America. | had gotten married to Eric, in Colombia. | was so happy to see Eric again, after months in Colombia, For about a month | couldn't work at all because | didn't have permission from the government . it was so hard all | could do was clean the house, cook, and watch TVall day. After a week I was sick of doing nothing. As soon as | could work | came to Capital City to apply for a job. That how | ended up working here.We don't plan to stay here, even though we both work here. We'll probably stay for around 5 years, mainly because we don't ike the cold, the wind always feels like whispering to me when it start blow harder. | also would miss the farm like feel of Colombia, Also there is so much we would leave in our home countries. That is where we grew-up. Itis what we know. We'll go to one of our countries. We wouldn’t want to grow old here. | didn’t come here for the reasons | normally hear about in the news. Fora better life or to start over, the ones that you probably hear about more often. | can for a better education, but | also already had a pretty good one. | came back to be with Eric. So ina way I guess the American Dream for me is a better education and to be with the ones that I love. So for me the American Dream was to discover something new. The way a thought of it before | came here. Now think itis more like to achieve your goals and perseus happiness.Name: Date: February 10,2015 Cohort: 7___ Expedition Memoir Checklist - “How to Geta 4” DESCRIPTIVE LANGUAGE ‘GRAMMAR AND SPELLING Make sure you have at least one of each of the following Make sure that you have done the following: OD 1simite Capitalized the first letter of the first word of OD 1metaphor every sentence, all languages, all people, & all 1 personification countries/cities/continents 1D 1hyperbole © Fixed all run-ons and fragments 1 onomatopoeia or alliteration Fixed any subject-verb agreement errors C1 sight sensory detail Written everything in the correct tense G1 sound sensory detail 1D Spelled all words correctly itouch sensory detail Chosen the right word (ex. - Where are you 1 smell sensory detail going? is correct. Were are you going? is Oi taste sensory detail incorrect) IDEAS ‘ORGANIZATION Make sure you included the following: (Started off with one of the six narrative leads (Sound Effect, Action, Talking, Question, Snapshot, and Flashback) D_ Wrote the information as ifit isa story about the immigrant’s experiences in their home country and in ‘America, not a summary of the details of the interview (The details that are included are relevant to the theme of the memoir - American Dream, overcoming obstacles, achieving success, etc. Your memoir should follow narrative structure: (2 Have an introduction, rising action, climax, falling action/resolution Each paragraph has a clear purpose that only Includes details relevant to that specific paragraph ‘The events follow a logical order ‘Transitions between paragraphs are smooth, clear, and make sense ooName: Date: Cohort: Characteristics Of A Memoir a a description of an event form the past written in the ; told from one person’s based on the reveals the of the writer has a meaning; shows what the author focused on one ; about one point in the author's life more about the author’s than it is about the event itself and on the between the writer and a particular person, place, animal, or object. explains the of the relationship. limited to a particular » Ss ’ Or behavior in order to develop the focus fully. makes the subject of the memoir comemadel *exr FUNNY IN FARSI ‘A Memoir of Growing Up Iranian in America ‘Written by Firoozeh Dumas Leffingwell Elementary School- When I was seven, my parents, my fourteen-year- old brother, Farshid, and I moved from Abadan, Iran, to Whittier, California. Farid, the older of my two brothers, had been sent to Philadelphia the year before to attend high school. Like most Iranian youths, he had always dreamed of attending college abroad and, despite my mother's tears, had left us to live with my uncle and his American wife. I, too, had been sad at Farid's departure, but my sorrow soon faded-not coincidentally, with the receipt of a package from him. Suddenly, having my brother on a different continent seemed like a small price to pay for owning a Barbie complete with a carrying case and four outfits, including the rain gear and mini umbrella. Our move to Whittier was temporary. My father, Kazem, an engineer with the National Iranian Oil Company, had been assigned to consult for an American firm for about two years. Having spent several years in Texas and California as a graduate student, my father often spoke about America with the eloquence and wonder normally reserved for a first love. To him, America was a place where anyone, no matter how humble his background, could become an important person. It was a kind and orderly nation full of clean bathrooms, a land where traffic laws were obeyed and where whales jumped through hoops. It was the Promised Land. For me, it was where I could buy more outfits for Barbie. We arrived in Whittier shortly after the start of second grade; my father enrolled me in Leffingwell Elementary School. To facilitate my adjustment, the principal arranged for us to meet my new teacher, Mrs. Sandberg, a few days before I started school. Since my mother and I did not speak English, the meeting consisted of a dialogue between my father and Mrs. Sandberg. My father carefully explained that I had attended a prestigious kindergarten where all the children were taught English. Eager to impress Mrs. Sandberg, he asked me to demonstrate my knowledge of the English language. I stood up straight and proudly recited all that I knew: "White, yellow, orange, red, purple, blue, green.” The following Monday, my father drove my mother and me to school. He had decided that it would be a good idea for my mother to attend school with me for a few weeks. I could not understand why two people not speaking English would be better than one, but I was seven, and my opinion didn't matter much.Until my first day at Leffingwell Elementary School, I had never thought of my mother as an embarrassment, but the sight of all the kids in the school staring at us before the bell rang was enough to make me pretend I didn't know her. The bell finally rang and Mrs. Sandberg came and escorted us to class. Fortunately, she had figured out that we were precisely the kind of people who would need help finding the right classroom. My mother and I sat in the back while all the children took their assigned seats. Everyone continued to stare at us. Mrs. Sandberg wrote my name on the board: F- I-R-O-O-Z-E-H. Under my name, she wrote "I-R-A-N." She then pulled down a map of the world and said something to my mom. My mom looked at me and asked me what she had said. I told her that the teacher probably wanted her to find Iran on the map. ‘The problem was that my mother, like most women of her generation, had been only briefly educated. In her era, a girl's sole purpose in life was to find a husband. Having an education ranked far below more desirable attributes such as the ability to serve tea or prepare baklava. Before her marriage, my mother, Nazireh, had dreamed of becoming a midwife. Her father, a fairly progressive man, had even refused the two earlier suitors who had come for her so that his daughter could pursue her dream. My mother planned to obtain her diploma, then go to Tabriz to learn midwifery from a teacher whom my grandfather knew. Sadly, the teacher died unexpectedly, and my mother's dreams had to be buried as well. Bachelor No. 3 was my father. Like the other suitors, he had never spoken to my mother, but one of his cousins knew someone who knew my mother's sister, So that was enough. More important, my mother fit my father's physical requirements for a wife. Like most Iranians, my father preferred a fair-skinned woman with straight, light-colored hair. Having spent a year in America as a Fulbright scholar, he had returned with a photo of a woman he found attractive and asked his older sister, Sedigeh, to find someone who resembled her. Sedigeh had asked around, and that is how at age seventeen my mother officially gave up her dreams, married my father, and had a child by the end of the year. As the students continued staring at us, Mrs. Sandberg gestured to my mother to come up to the board. My mother reluctantly obeyed. I cringed. Mrs. Sandberg, using a combination of hand gestures, started pointing to the map and saying, “Iran? Iran? Iran?" Clearly, Mrs. Sandberg had planned on incorporating us into the day's lesson. I only wished she had told us that earlier so we could have stayed home.After a few awkward attempts by my mother to find Iran on the map, Mrs. Sandberg finally understood that it wasn't my mother's lack of English that was causing a problem, but rather her lack of world geography. Smiling graciously, she pointed my mother back to her seat. Mrs. Sandberg then showed everyone, including my mother and me, where Iran was on the map. My mother nodded her head, acting as if she had known the location all along, but had preferred to keep it a secret. Now all the students stared at us, not just because I had come to school with my mother, not because we couldn't speak their language, but because we were stupid. I was especially mad at my mother, because she had negated the positive impression I had made previously by reciting the color wheel. I decided that starting the next day, she would have to stay home. The bell finally rang and it was time for us to leave. Leffingwell Elementary was just a few blocks from our house and my father, grossly underestimating our ability to get lost, had assumed that my mother and I would be able to find our way home. She and I wandered aimlessly, perhaps hoping for a shooting star or a talking animal to help guide us back. None of the streets or houses looked familiar. As we stood pondering our predicament, an enthusiastic young girl came leaping out of her house and said something. Unable to understand her, we did what we had done all day: we smiled, The girl's mother joined us, then gestured for us to follow her inside, I assumed that the girl, who appeared to be the same age as I, was a student at Leffingwell Elementary; having us inside her house was probably akin to having the circus make a personal visit. Her mother handed us a telephone, and my mother, who had, thankfully, memorized my father's work number, called him and explained our situation. My father then spoke to the American woman and gave her our address. This kind stranger agreed to take us back to our house. Perhaps fearing that we might show up at their doorstep again, the woman and her daughter walked us all the way to our front porch and even helped my mother unlock the unfamiliar door. After making one last futile attempt at communication, they waved good-bye. Unable to thank them in words, we smiled even more broadly. After spending an entire day in America, surrounded by Americans, I realized that my father’s description of America had been correct. The bathrooms were clean and the people were very, very kind.Memory Firoozeh's family moves to America (Whittier, CA) and Firoozeh starts school without being able to speak much English. Point of View First person - from Firoozeh's point of view (I, our, my, me) Plot (students should use the plot diagram for this part - room for more details) Exposition: We are introduced to the main characters: Firoozeh (daughter /narrator), Nazireh (mom), and Kazem (dad). The setting is Whittier, CA, mostly at Leffingwell Elementary School. Rising Action: mom and Firoozeh go to school and don’t understand the teacher; we learn Nazireh’s background story; Firoozeh is embarrassed that her mother “made them look stupid” Climax: Firoozeh and her mother are unable to find their way home Falling Action: a neighbor helps them get back home Resolution: Firoozeh decides that Americans are very kind people with nice, clean bathrooms Conflict Character vs. Society - Firoozeh and her family, particularly her mother, are having a little bit of trouble adjusting to their first time in America. Firoozeh is treated like a spectacle in her class and she and her mother have trouble communicating with others because they don’t know or understand much English. Reflection iroozeh decides that her father’s impression of America is correct: the bathrooms are clean and the people are very kind, Language Imagery: “my father preferred a fair- skinned woman with straight, light- colored hai Dialogue: “White, yellow, orange, red, purple, biue, green.” Figurative Language: alliteration “pondering our predicament”Name: Date: December 9,2014 Cohort: Memoir Characteristics - Fictional Immigrant Memoir Type Target ‘Score Writing | writing. LT: [can use the writing process to develop clear and coherent ST: 1 can use prewriting strategies to plan my writing. LT: Participants in Revision and Critique Hos _| ST: 11can produce multiple drafts of my work to improve quality. Directions: Using your notes from the Immigrant Research Organizer, complete the chart below in preparation for your fictional memoir. Remember, the guiding questions are there to help you get toa 4 on your published copy of the memoir. ‘Memoir Characteristic and Guiding Questions Your Notes/Responses Memory: + What memory will your character experience? * Does your character experience this memory alone or with others? Point-of-Vi + How does the character feel? + How do these feelings affect the character's behavior? + How do these feelings affect the character's perspective? * What is the most important or significant thing or person that the character sees? Plot: * Exposition - What other characters are involved? What is the setting? What conflict does the character experience? * Rising Action - What events occur that make the conflict more complicated?How does the immigrant respond to these events? * Climax - How is the conflict ultimately resolved? + Falling Action/Resolution - How does the character act/feel after the conflict is resolved? What lesson does the character learn or what does the memoir reveal to the audience? Conflict: * Is the conflict internal or external? * If itis external, is it character vs. character/ society/nature/fate? * Why did you choose this kind of conflict? Reflection: + Why is this memory significant to the character? * How does the memory connect to the theme of “The American Dream”? Language: Imagery + What the character sees: + What the character smells: * What the character hears: * What the character feels (touch): + What the character tastes:Name: Capital City Public Charter School Date: Immigration & the American Or Immigrant’s Name: Country of origin Interview Date & Time. Questions Answers Biographical Information When were youborn? | , Town you grew up in.. © Family: How many brothers & sisters? Describe childhood... Explain your school ‘© When did you immigrate? Where did you grow up? What town or city? Can you describe your childhood? ‘When did you immigrate to the U.S.? Life in old country 3-4 questions you woul to ask your interviewee . about their old country... © Describe what it was like living in : ‘© What was your favorite partof____? ‘* What did you miss about | « your old country when you moved to the US? Can you describe what it was like living in ? What was your favorite part of living ‘What did you miss most about living in when you moved to the U.S.?Why they left ush & pull factors) 3-4 questions you would like to-ask your interviewee about why they immigrated ‘+ What pushed you to leave ? ‘+ Why did you immigrate to the US. instead of another country? ‘+ Why or how did you end up living in Dc? What pushed you to leave a Why or How did you end up living in DC? Journey- story of immigration 3-4 questions you would like to ask your interviewee about what it was like getting to the US, © Canyou describe the journey of traveling and immigrating to the US? ‘* What was the most difficult part of your journey to the US? + How did traveling to the US require you to be resilient? 1) 2 3) 4) Can you describe the journey of traveling and immigrating | 1) tothe US? ‘What was the most challenging part of traveling to the 2) us? 3) 4Obstacles facer in DC 3-4 questions you would like ‘to ask your interviewee about obstacles they overcame... + Can you describe what kinds of obstacles you faced as an immigrant? ‘+ What was your biggest obstacle? + How did you need to be resilient to overcome these obstacles? ) 2 3) 4) ‘Can you describe what kinds of obstacles you faced as an immigrant? How did you need to be resilient to overcome obstacles? 1) 2 3) 4) American Dream 3-4 questions you would lke to ask your interviewee about achieving the ‘American Dream... * Inyour opinion, what is the American Dream? © Doyou think you are achieving the American Dream? ‘+ How have you needed resilience to achieve the ‘American Dream? yy 2 3) 4) In your opinion, what is the American Dream? Do you think you are achieving the American Dream? Do you think that DC is a good place for immigrants to settle? y) 2) 3) 4) Other 3-4 questions you would like to ask your interviewee about other aspects of their y 2) How do you feel about a) aTives.. ‘© What do you think about the immigration issues in the news today? 3) 3) © What is your favorite type of music? ‘© Isthere anything in 4) 4) particular that has helped you settle in DC? ‘* How would you advise 5) 5) other immigrants to adjust to life in the US? Descriptive story that shows an example of the 2 i 2) Could you provide as many details as possible? i 1) Can you add some more details to the story you told about 2 ‘Ask your interviewee to 3) Why does this story represent the American Dream? provide you with some more details tothe most interesting part of you 4) How can other immigrants relate to this story? interview. * Can you add some more details tothe story you | 5) told about 2 y 2 3) 4) 5) * Could you provide as many details as, possible? ‘© Why does this story represent the American Dream? ‘+ How can other immigrants relate to this story?name: Lessa, G. Timeline for: | he. Reatowr why TD became nal Whe L come to Novtle Awuvicr? Ver Wy T come hee wos Devs T Ved Just] Re a coeer onda s XO lene Dane Tan quae TL wos trate 1% a Re tes Weed Lake aha Whe dag and yore ee Ragtanereen eX Wow WY LS ban ee pecan te aed. Ae nee Crow rece MKWOC he nd T plo hove but Wear, Were no 1 os word ve Prd Wok howe meet (rye Woe) Plovear Pre love of Wwous vie) & ; 3 — ”Name: Léés ‘s ‘ohort 7_A. Date: | Immigrant Experience in DC Learning Target: I can create an outline that matches the structure of a memoir using my free write. Writing Traits a 3 2 Z ~Crafts@ remarkable | -Focusedonamemoryin |-Describesamemoryor | - Does not tell about one IDEAS experience for the the interview subject’ life, | experience in the life of the | clear experience “Focusing on a | reader by focusing on an | which relates to the interview subject, but not memory in the | unforgettablememory | immigrant experience. _| very focused. ‘experience of | inthe interview the interview | subject's life, which eck relates to the immigrant | -Thereisaclear theme in| -Theme is somewhat clear, | - There is no clear theme experience. the story that reveals does not always relate to the something about the story, or does not relate to Eran =Adleartheme inthe | immigrant experienc ‘the immigrant experience. Gane story that reveals oc something about the Immigrant experience in ~ Details are included but oc many donot relatetothe | - There are little to no, -Details = Most details are relevant | moment ortheme and there | details, or irrelevant relevant to this | -Alldetails are relevant | tothe moment andthe | arenot enough details to _| details, leaving the ears tothe moment and the | theme. make the experience come _| reader confused, theme. alive for the reader. ORGANIZATION | - Narrative follows the | -Narrative follows the | - Narrative mostly follows | - No clear narrative plot structure ofa plot (intro, | structure ofa plot (intro, | the structure ofa plot (intro, | structure. = Narrative risingaction, climax, | rising action, climax, falling | rising action, climax, falling ‘Structure falling action, resolution) | action, resolution) action, resolution) but is done ina way that is surprising, and unique ‘peated idea that is incorporated throug] Introduction or Background info |. Came eve Lo leat Eualiqu Ve Qe arorsy Wack Rm voos iw let pL 50 ko Carrer VUaces CHW \).5. 40 wer 22 1g fhe pvvaton Sey it ~ "would hake cave Af kneiv Kids Wen ae xO SChcel cbty uot ES rete \et me hay with < special ara ment,<= eects A newwe) wees Fone EO ts very ee Ymperyenk So Mt ra mow “he WAS ASO Studarwa e Walisle “Vike everuone eloe oo Wis class Wes bow > Nie PR AR 9 : “he aso Wad o Reb nore Ym Arnrevica Climax te: a q Mareatngra | + Cols BY \y Bray eve Ce ofthe story wear Sot hod to gp beckk bot o Yasar] ake te leo! back Xo Qk vrowr, Aiso Tg could) eer action because T Aid re “Grom Ye gover” Ly Falling Action * 5 ea el SEE Merce dimex YS OEE” 2 SPX ge Ve s + Poke & Ano hers ot Cop Urry. ae plan bs ae backe to one of our Counrrits in a Lew yeas Twe dow work to arow old neve ww OVC Resolution/ Conclusion Connect to the theme or lesson we should take from the story. “hud so Prank Wy ory - -Of Bve of We most _ (meer kant chapter Wy Vike - Hope Bou Goomd wey shovy, Nes * sinkdvtele wag a V .Name:_[-¢66li, Date: January 26,2015 Cohort # Memoir Freewrite - After the Immigrant Interview Type Target Score LT: [can use the writing process to develop clear and coherent Writing | writing. ST: I.can use prewriting strategies to plan my writing. LT: Participants in Revision and Critique HOS ST: 1.can produce multiple drafts of my work to improve quality. Directions: Using the notes from your interview, write about your immigrant and their experiences in their home country and the U.S. This is a free write, meaning that you can write down your details in complete sentences, but without worrying about spelling, grammar, order of events, figurative and sensory language, or format (paragraph indents, underlining, bold text). This is your opportunity to just write out the details you potentially will include in your final memoir. Tip: As you are writing, consider the guiding questions below. Remember, these guiding questions are there to help you get to a 4 on your published copy of the memoir. Guiding Questions: What story or stories were the most important or interesting that your immigrant shared? What are the most engaging/exciting/attention-grabbing details from that story? Why should your immigrant’s story be told? ‘What theme would be best to describe the most important/significant lessons learned from your immigrant’s life? (If you need theme suggestions, use the Themes anchor chart) How is your immigrants story connected to the American Dream? What are the push factors (reasons for leaving) your immigrant mentioned during the interview? What are the pull factors (reasons the United States was specifically chosen) your immigrant mentioned during the interview? - What would readers of your immigrant's memoir relate to the most? ee Freewrite Space The most: tmmnc Vouk story Wok she _ Jol bn uns Wak oltamker iW | \nor lide When She meek \n2ir one \oue he Wbson*bleakivg “le Gide eve: but iho \e ae Ena\i che Se Sold ue Mid skovy hecavse 3h fa umgac-hawt ko Weve forOn Yours came anudvine 1 £ yoo A & Sune Mansy \new~., he shor yu, dnean's hover Asari Yo do Tote Wee Ns Slremttain we here do Rud We America Dveam. The push Lfackoyv uses Wao ole wouter! fo earn Enaligh ne eight way Que pull Saetay beloue Slnk comare back Yae setond Wine nas rol Wee Wen clu NNboce IRE A Se Se ek we oll Ihave So quer come AW some LOM Maou. oot avy \ives| “If you use additional paper, please staple it to this sheet*Classwork Name: Lees & Humanities Cohort 7, Date: 1/AG/\5~ Interview Reflection Learning Target: I can reflect on my interview of someone who immigrated to DC, and brainstorm for my memoir. Interview Skills: Eye Contact Posture _—_Note-taking Active listening skills Follow up questions Staying on Topic Describe one challenge you faced during the interview: Yostuve. Describe one interview skill that you KNOW you used, How did you use it? Describe the most surprising thing you learned in the interview. alwaus ha: omokwing ow ney Wat Cvoyne Wer catty Describe a story you heard during the interview that you think would make a good memoir, or narrative (Please use 3-4 sentences or bullet points) we £ to 5 \ner S line, 2 gHow does this aa connect to the immigrant experience, resiliency, or the American Dream? ar Kodt she teal ee her conan aleve = Also that _o\\ Ino awe Ts dour tere so Xk haya beiws eunloy Sialan Vev= 8 wna? ly» Write down two more questions you would want to ask your interview subject to know more about this story. Whet was tne Ava, Mame ? Yas Unc cho, dated Wags Draw one image that comes to mind when you think about the experiences of this person.Nowe: vesly Gomades Immi; rant Experience Memoir Rubric- Writing Traits 4 Final Draft Goleoce: 2 1 IDEAS Focusing on a memory in the ‘experience of the Interview subject - Specifictheme Details relevant to "Grafts a remarable experience far the reader by focusing on an unforgettable memory in the interview subject's life, which relates tothe immigrant experience. =Adlear theme in the story that ‘eveals something about the immigrant experience in OC = Focused on aimemory in the interview subject's life, which relates to the immigrant experience. “There is clear theme in the story that reveals something about the emmigrant experience in DC = Most datails are relevant to the moment and the theme. Describes a memory or experience in the life ofthe interview subject, but not very focused, Theme is somewhat clear, does not always relate talthe story, or daes not relate to the immigrant experience. Details are included but many do not ‘relate to the moment or theme and there =Does not tell about one clear experience There is no clear theme “there arelittieteno details, or irrelevant details, leaving the reader confused higher: ~All details are relevant to the ‘are not enough details to make the ‘moment and the theme. experience come alive for the reader. ORGANIZATION “Narratwe follows the structure ofa | - Narrative follows the structure ofa plot | - Narrative mostly follows the structure of | - Noclesr narrativelplot - Narrative Structure Each paragraph has a purpose - Sequence of events with transitions plat finiro, rising 2ction, climax, falling ‘action, resolution) but is done ina ‘way that is surprising, and unique ~ Organized into paragraphs with a clear purpose and relevant detail. Excellent use of transitions “Intro and resolution leave the reader ‘engaged and thinking about a theme. (intro, rising action, climax, falling action, resolution} Organized into paragraphs with a clear purpose and mostly relevant details. = Transitions are used properly + Writing includes an intro and resolution that connect to the theme. a plot (intro, rising action, climax, falling. action, resolution) Organized into paragraphs but without a clear purpose and many irrelevant details = Events run together and the orders unclear end transitions are used incorrectly _ intro and resolution are attempted. structure, Paragraphs run together making it difficult for the reader to follow the story - No use of transitions -No clear introduction or resolution, WORD CHOICE = Specifie words = “Show don’t tell” Sensory details Uses specific words [nouns and verbs) and phrases that create an image for the reader. = Effectively uses, but does not over Use “show don’t tell” descriptive, and sensory details so the story comes alive "Many times uses specific words (nouns: and verbs) and phrases that create an. image for the reader. -Eifective use of “show don’t tell” descriptive, and sensory detalls so the story comes alive = Woids are net specific, and make the ‘writing uninteresting at times. Attempts to use “show don’t tell” descriptive, and sensory details so the story comes alive =Words are nat specific and repetitive "show don't tell” descriptive, and sensory details are not used. VOICE + Intro copturas readers attention ~Connects with the reader Introduction really captures the readers attention Narrative is engaging, demonstrates Immigrant’s perspective and connects with the reader. —Tatroduelion captures he readers atiention « Nateativels engaging and connects with the reoder. = Introduction does not capture the reader's attention, Narrative attempts to engage and connect with the reader, =o introduction or unclear introduction Narrative does nat ‘engage or connect with the reader SENTENCE FLUENCY =norun-ons or = No run-ons or fragments and varied sentence structure “No run ons or fragments = Some sentences run-ons and fragments “Sentence run-ons and fragments make it ffagments cific to undersond the stow CONVENTIONS | Neariya06%olthe Sngularand | ~80)6of thesinguarand plural, ncovrec | -SO%of the singular and plurals, Ineorect | -Almost none ofthe csubectverb | plurals incorrect verb use, \erbuse, punctuation, and speling errors | verb use, punctuation, and spelling erors_ | revisions suggested have etearnart punctuation, ond speling erro ave | are ned arefines been made. - singular & plural fixed, erecriest punctuation = spelling errors