Healing Hearts Newsletter

2211 Jones Road, Paragould, AR.

Up on the hill at Southside Community Church, in the Conference Room.
Email: tcfofnortheastarkansas@yahoo.com Webpage: tcfofnortheastarkansas.weebly.com
Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/tcfofnea/
Our next meeting is October 8, 2015 at 7:00 P.M. 9:00 P.M.

Inside This Issue

Farewell to our leader

Note from the editor

Up-Coming Events and

announcements

WTR &Family Picnic photos 4

Story: Once My Child,
Always My Child

Out Children Remembered

Our Children Remembered

Telephone Friends

End of Story, Telephone

Friends

It is with deep regret that I must announce to the membership of The Compassionate Friends of Northeast Arkansas that our chapter leader, Toni Baker has stepped
down as chapter leader.
Toni has retired and she and her husband are moving out of state. We wish her all
the best, although we will miss her as our leader. Toni has worked tirelessly for this
chapter for over three years, with very little help. We started out with a steering
committee of four, and soon lost two members due to other commitments. I have
been the newsletter editor from the beginning, but because of poor health issues,
have been unable to do much more than that. Toni worked, not only as chapter
leader, but also as secretary and treasurer, and planner of events, so much more, as
well as holding a full time job.
We wish Toni and her husband all the best retirement has to offer, and thank her
for her devotion and hard work for this chapter; The Compassionate Friends of
Northeast Arkansas.
Starting in October, 2015, we will have a new chapter leader; Martha Akers. I met
Martha years ago when Robin Patten started the first Compassionate Friends in
Paragould. Martha lost her teenaged son in a motorcycle accident.
It is my wish that our membership will come together for our October 8th meeting
to welcome and encourage Martha in this challenging new endeavor.
Advisory Board Members

The Compassionate
Friends
State of Arkansas
Regional Coordinators
David and Dana Penn
870-759-1299
www.djdp32@hotmail.com

Associate Pastor Pat Graham, LMSW

Crystal Baldwin, MSNFNP-BC
Mariah Bryson, General manager of
Zaxbys
Rick Nunn, Owner of Swirlz
Thank you all for being on our board!

The mission of The Compassionate Friends: When

a child dies, at any age, the family suffers intense
pain and may feel hopeless and isolated. The Compassionate Friends provides highly personal comfort, hope, and support to every family experiencing
the death of a son or a daughter, a brother or a sister, or a grandchild, and helps others better assist
the grieving family.

Copyright The Compassionate Friends, Inc. All rights reserved. TCF National Office: PO Box 3696, Oak Brook, IL.
60522-3696, Phone: 630-990-0010. Fax: 630-990-0246. Toll free national office: 877-969-0010Web address:
www.compassionatefriends.org. Facebook: Compassionate Friends/USA

October 8, 2015

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of The Compassionate Friends of Northeast Arkansas

Note from the newsletter editor

Linda Lenox
Ive been thinking a lot about death. Im not scared to die, although I
once was, before my precious daughter, Melissa died in 1985. It doesnt
seem like a scary thing now. After I lost my daughter, I never did feel suicidal, but I did feel
as if I didnt care if I lived or died. If not for my four younger daughters, I might have cared
less. I had severe clinical depression. Then, five years after I lost my child, I was diagnosed
with breast cancer. Ive read since that it is not unusual to have a tumor for 5 years before
you can feel a lump, from breast cancer. I was only 43 years old in 1990, and there I had no
family history of breast cancer.
After I knew I had cancer, I thought to myself, Hey wait a minute! Maybe I do care if I live or
die. In any case, I had radical treatment of lumpectomy, radiation 5 times a week, and chemotherapy two and three days a week. It was a long, grueling year, 1990, but I was cured,
and regained my strength. I went back to work in the auto body business.
Im telling you this because many people do not know that depression, which is very common after a major loss, lowers a persons immune system. This leaves your body wide open
to disease. That is why its important to take care of yourself, even when you dont feel like
eating, exercising, or resting and seeking treatment and taking medication, if needed, to
control the depression. As hard as this seems to people who have a recent loss, please believe me that it gets better. We never get over it. We never stop loving or missing our
child, sibling, or grandchild. We always hope others will remember our lost loved one.
Still, the searing pain, the feeling of unrelenting sadness, all the horrible feelings of the early
years, get better. Its been 30 years since my daughter died. I still love, miss, and yearn for
her every day. Ive learned how to live my life without her, as hard as that is. I can rock my
grandchildren, and watch them learn new things. I can spend time with my remaining daughters and have a wonderful time with them. I can watch comedies with my husband and laugh
with him. Life can be good again. Give yourself time. It doesnt come easily, or quickly, but it
comes. I love you, Melissa. I will always be your mom.

Wed love to have your feedback!

Join Us on Facebook!
hthttps://www.facebook.com/groups/
Join Us on the Web!
tcfofnortheastarkansas.weebly.com
October 8, 2015

The Compassionate Friends does

not espouse any religious ideologies. Southside Community
Church has graciously offered the
use of its conference room as a
meeting place for our chapter.
Thank You
Southside Community Church!

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Upcoming Events:
October

November
December

Regular meeting with new chapter leader, Martha Akers. Arkansas Regional
Coordinator, Dana Penn will also be there. Please try to make it to this
meeting to show your support.
Regular Meeting

World Wide Candle Lighting

More information will be posted as it becomes available

Announcements: Love gifts and donations

None for this month
Thank you for your donation to help support the work of
TCF of NEA. We appreciate you very much!! Love gifts can
be given in memory of a loved at anytime.

If you would like to contribute to

the newsletter with an original
poem or story youve written, or
If you wish to stop receiving this
newsletter,
please contact me at:

linda@thelenoxfamily.com
Our next 3 Meetings!
October 8, 2015
November 12, 2015
World Wide Candle Lighting
To be announced

Mark Your Calendars!

October 8, 2015

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3rd Annual Walk to Remember and Family Picnic
The 3rd annual Walk to Remember was on September 12th this year, and it was a
time of friendship and a wonderful tribute to our children, gone but never forgotten. We had beautiful weather, good food, and fun!

We Need Not Walk

Alone!

October 8, 2015

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Once My Child, Always My Child

Written by Jennifer Canvesser

"How many kids do you have?" seems like a benign question. Count your kids and say the number,
simple as that. When I'm at the park or birthday parties with my son Zachary, I'm often asked some
variation of this question, "Is Zachary your only child?" or "Do you have any other children?"
At first, I always answered truthfully. I never wanted to fake an answer to this question. I'm proud of
my children, I love being their mom. But, the reactions I got were unintentionally hurtful and awkward. So, I tried lying about how many kids I have and that was much worse. I could not stand the
heartache that accompanied my lying. Telling the truth hurt less than lying.
Truthfully though, "How many kids do you have?" is the easy question to answer -- I just say something like "two" or "Zachary has a twin brother, named Micah." Their natural next question is more
difficult. "Where is your other child?" or "Why isn't Micah here, too?"
I've decided that I cannot lie about my children just to make someone else feel comfortable. I hate lies.
I do not lie. I am honest with myself and my children.
My heart races and my confident voice shakes as I honestly answer their question. I speak the devastating truth that is my life, "Micah passed away when he and Zachary were 11 months old."
My honest answer morphs cheery faces into looks of horror. Typically, this is when people turn away
and avoid eye contact with me. They have no idea how to respond, so they don't say anything and
change -- or leave - the conversation as quickly as possible.
I don't expect anyone to spend hours talking about Micah. I don't expect anyone who's never dealt
with child loss to "get it" because unless you've lost your baby, there is no way to understand the raw,
lifelong heartache.
All I want is acceptance. Look at me. Recognize my loss. Say Micah's name. No need to say something
profound, just speak empathetically and sensitively from the heart. Here are some of the most appreciated responses I've received:
Continued on page 8

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

Please, help us honor, celebrate and remember our precious babies
Light a candle on October 15th,

October 8, 2015

Joining a Walk to Remember,

Page 5

Learn how to talk about child loss

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Healing Hearts Newsletter

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Our Children Remembered

Cooper Catharine Porter

Nathan Kidd

Haylee Kidd

Nicholas Zurosky

Jennifer Cook

Timothy Lee Fitzwater

Samantha Cook

Shane Mathew Fitzwater

Jennifer Lee Hancock

Aaron Scott Boyer

Ashlyn Dunn

Aidyn Isaiah Aaron

Annaya Marie Edwards

Shane Palmer

Tabitha Marsh

Steven Charles Garland

Stephanie Sluder

Timothy House

Julie Ellen Amick

Carter Smith

Olivia Jurkin

Tyler James Tritch

Mattie Bryant

Terry Brown

Shayla Jo Miller

Jayden Wilkinson

Jasmine Sierra Miller

Caiden Billups

Betty Luker

Blake Howerton

Stephanie Morgan

Andrew Wayne Myers

Rita Tritch

Jon David Penn

Joanne Hamner

Joseph Chase Jackson

Bethany Alia Elizabeth White

Tyler James Troutt

Sarah Diane Bean

Matthew Russo

Morgan Crockett

Brent Hawkins
Nathan Swafford
Daryl Ponder
Billy Ray
Noah Spencer Boyd
James Clapp
(continued on next page)

October 8 2015

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Our Children Remembered

Brian Nelson
Richard Petty
Michael Dickerson
Ryan Bender
Bentley Tyler
Bobby Hall
Joshua Weaver
Berry Weyer Jr.
Baby Angel Clemons
Michael Martin
Bobby Hall
Max Crockett

If you would like your Childs name

added to this list, contact me:
linda@thelenoxfamily.com
If you find that there is a mistake in your childs name,
please contact me.
I want these precious names to be perfect.

October 8, 2015

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Continued from page 5

Wow, you've been through hell.

Do you have a photo of Micah for me to see?
How can I celebrate and honor Micah?
I'd love to learn more about Micah.

I realize that child loss is an incredibly difficult thing to talk about, , especially for people who are blissfully unaware that thousands of U.S. families
lose their babies every year. But, just because I realize that it's hard for other
people, doesn't make it any easier on me. It hurts when Micah is not acknowledged or spoken of. It hurts when our tragic loss is brushed over. It hurts
when people act like Zachary is my only child. Micah is my son and always will be. I will never "move
on." I love Micah just as much as I love Zachary. Micah is gone from our arms, but not from our family. Zachary needs to know that we will never forget his twin. We will never minimize his loss. We will
always be open and honest with him. We won't try to hide our heartache or pretend like nothing happened.
October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. On the surface, my family looks perfect. My
husband and I are healthy, and we have a vibrant, healthy toddler. Our years of infertility, our miscarriage and the death of our firstborn son Micah are all invisible. There are thousands of families
who share our story. It's very likely that you know a family who's lost a child... you just might not
know about their loss. Please, help us honor, celebrate and remember our precious babies by:
Lighting a candle on October 15th
Joining a Walk to Remember
Learning how to talk about child loss
Even life's most amazing blessings -- another child, a nurturing partner and all the happiness in the
world -- can never replace Micah. Micah is not physically with me, but he is always with me. He is always my son. I am always his mama. Nothing can ever change that -- not death, not the passage of
time, and certainly not anyone's questions. I have two children, Micah and Zachary. Micah's in my
heart, Zachary's in my arms. I am incredibly blessed and proud to be their mama.
TCF of NEA Telephone or email Friends
Linda Lenox, 870-573-6920 orlinda@thelenoxfamily.com
Lindas daughter Melissa died in a flooded creek.
Jo Cook, 870-249-1290
Jos daughter, Jennifer died in an accident with a train.

October 8, 2015

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