Reviewer: Anit Patel

Writer: Brandon White

Peer Review: Exploring an Event
Directions: Please respond to the following questions in as much detail as possible.
Writers: list two or three questions or concerns you have about your draft that youd like
to discuss with your group. (Reviewers: Be sure to address these questions here)

What position were you trying out for?

Clarity
1. Point out any confusing sentences or passages. Were you able to follow the
general direction of the story easily? Explain.
I was able to understand his story easily because he wrote it pretty clearly
Persuasiveness
2. Is the change or revelation apparent? Is it subtle and nuanced or does it feel too
explicitly stated?
I say its apparent
3. Are there any ideas or phrases that strike you as well-worn or clich?
No not really
Concrete Details
4. Point out places where the writer effectively uses concrete, sensory details to
illuminate their ideas, making them come alive.
When he talks about how much his coach was hard on him
Strength of Introduction and Conclusion
5. Does the introduction/hook create interest? How?
Yes because he talks about something not many people have experienced
6. Does the conclusion feel like it has weight? Does it feel meaningful, like a mic
drop, or insubstantial? How could it be improved?
Yeah I say it does but he could add a little more detail
Most Successful Passage
7. Choose a passage (1-4 sentences) and explain why it is successful.
His introduction because it caught my attention and wanted me to keep reading
8. Point out any special successes with the structure of the narrative, whether its
linear or utilizes flashback or other more complicated elements.

Style
9. Long sentences are fine if they move well, but point out any parts that seem
choppy (short) or pretentious (wordy).
They werent that many that were choppy
10. Do any words or phrases stand out as particularly striking, beautiful, or
unexpected? Which ones?
No, he will improve on that
Editing
11. Dont do a complete editing job, but do point out the most distracting slips in
usage and mechanics.
There were a couple grammatical errors and some sentences the didnt make
much sense but thats all
Other
12. Note any other questions or feedback you have for the writer here. This is
important: since every paper is unique, they will each have their own successes
and concerns that may not be addressed above.

Next Steps
13. Work with the writer to devise a plan for revision. Summarize the writers next steps
here.
He should fix his grammatical errors then make his sentences a little more clear
and then he should add some words that would give the paper a little hype