Have you ever been in love?

Horrible, isn't it?

It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and opens your heart and it means that someone
can get inside you and mess you up.
You build up all these defenses.You build up this whole armor, for years, so no one can hurt you,
then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life....
You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day, like kiss you
or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore.
Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a
simple phrase like "maybe we should just be friends" or "how very perceptive" turns into a glass
splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's
a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to
do that. Especially not love.
I hate love

Am I in love? --yes, since I am waiting. The other one never waits. Sometimes I want to play the
part of the one who doesn't wait; I try to busy myself elsewhere, to arrive late; but I always lose at
this game. Whatever I do, I find myself there, with nothing to do, punctual, even ahead of time. The
lover's fatal identity is precisely this: I am the one who waits.
Its not the sex you think Ive had. Its the sex I want. Thats what you smell on me. Because the
more I look at you, the more I know about us both ...
And the more I want to have sex with you. Because theres a certain kind of sex that has an
element of cleansing. Its the antidote to disillusion. The counterpoison.